Life makes a NOVEL

Nagwa,
Reading your work was like watching a movie, the action going nonstop from the very first scene. Your protagonist Nain, is a sympathetic character just doing her job as a news reporter and having to put up with horrendous obstacles in the process, including being raped by a soldier. He gets his comeuppance, and she is back on track, having stabbed him to death in the spirit of frontier justice. Your straightforward narrative style is engaging, the dialogue realistic. Thank you so much for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Loved this very enjoyable I think you would like my book Faking it in France, a similar humour. High stars, Karen.

I like this book because of the humour aspects. "No and yes". "at the moment no"
"bonjour". that's the first word I learned in French

Hi Nagwa,
here for our reading swap.
You have a beautiful writing style with some wonderful turns of phrase. The writing is very powerful and unusual. There are no cliches.
It is also a fascinating subject and one which has hardly ever been written about. An interesting and unique topic in history and currently.
Would be lovely to have some more description of place and sounds, smells, tastes etc. Particularly as you are mainly writing for a 'western' audience who do not know these places well.
You probably also need a good edit (who doesn't?). I think a 'sounding board' would help. Perhaps try a writing group or a writing course where you will get regular feedback on your work. I have always found them invaluable. It just helps to hone your style and you will get pointers on how to edit your work a little more ruthlessly! That's all you need.
All the best,
Sharda.
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

This writing has an ethereal beauty to it, as makes me wonder if the author's studied poetry and perhaps it deserves a literary fiction tag. The depth vaguely reminds me of the French author, Joseph Kessel. I suspect this book will be under-appreciated, but it's well worth the read. Backed with pleasure.

I found this novel fascinating because I know very little about the people, place and time that you describe. You do characterization and the interaction between your characters very very well, and your story moves along at a lovely pace - giving us a mixture of both terror and fear, action and suspense, but also warmth and tenderness, there are some very sweet moments in here.

What I would have liked to see more of is description - the part about the apricots is wonderful - because it brings the scene to life with smells and taste and touch - using all the senses. I also particularly remember the green tea and nuts. I'd like to see more detail like this - description of the surroundings, more about what people are wearing and eating - I think that will add another layer of depth and beauty to this already passionate and moving novel about a time period and a history that has me fascinated and curious to learn more.

All the best and I wish you luck with this, you really have a lovely and important story to tell, and you tell it well.

- Rena (Bunderful) author of Master of the Miracles

I'ver read the first chapter of your novel and found a story with some very moving moments in it. You've created a good sense of place in your opening sections-- the real sense of fear and tension that Nain and her family endured in that time period in Kashmir. You bring wider elements into the novel-- the politics that influenced the choices of everyday life and some of the cultural history of an area to show how it differs from other regions. These are important elements for this novel which could be a timely contribution to an area that is often the centre of hot disputes.

There are a few things you might consider in the novel that might polish it up somewhat. There are a few word repetitions in sentences that are especially present in the beginning sections that don't seem deliberate, and don't come across as deliberate. You also have Nain speaking without contractions in the beginning yet other times she does. That can contribute to a stiff and formal feel which, especially in our own thoughts we don't tend to do. The other aspect you might consider is that it wasn't really clear initially that she was remembering back to when her father died and it took me a bit to realize that it was a flashback. You might make this more clear to the reader if you inserted something like "she tried not to think about the past. She tried not to think about when her father grabbed her hand..." etc. and pick up with your past memory.

These of course are only my own impressions and hope you might find them helpful. I hope to read on in the next few days. Kristin

- Life Makes A Novel -

(Based on chapters 1-3)

There is a complellong story in here with a lot of insight into the culture, politics and history of the region. Nain's night time walk is atmospheric, with some light and clever interaction between characters but the story really comes alive when we delve into her past through her reminiscinces. Here we have a lot of action and a wide cast of characters to keep the reader hooked.

I would suggest, however, that some tweaks be ma to the prose to make it more readable. I'm a novice as an author so make no claim to being right about these things and I offer up these notes and suggestions to be taken or left as seen fit.

- One thing would be to use adverbs more sparingly. Adverbs can have the effects of both sucking the power out of the verb they describe and of making the reader do too much work to picture in what manner exactly a character is performing an action. And if there are a lot of adverbs in quick succession, it can be quite draining for the reader. As an example of this, we may take one of the first paragraphs, in which Nain 'exclaimed sarcastically', 'smiled ruefully', and 'acknowledged to herself silently'.

- In some cases, there are turns of phrase which feel a little like literal translations from another language, making them seem strange and overly flowery as a result. Examples here being: 'she had light pleasures too', and 'the limelight of the situation'.

-There is a grammatical error in chapter two: "When did she first ever murdered a person?" which should be "When did she first ever murder a person?"

- A typo in chapter three: "Nain felt hr old self again."


I hope these notes have been of some use. If there is anything I haven't articulated well and you'd like me to explain further, please ask. I would also like to apologise for the delay in posting this feedback. I have been busier of late than I thought and had expected to post sooner.

All the best with your work,

Ross

Hi Nagwa
You've certainly got something a little different here. It's an emotional story, but for me the beginning put me off a little - it felt quite wooden and the prose a little 'try hard', which is a shame because once we go back in time and the dialogue kicks in, it becomes something else entirely. Personally, I think you might want to look at having the story start where the dialogue begins, and maybe have the introspective thoughts while Nain is walking as a prologue. Just my thoughts though, of course ignore it if you don't like it!

Silva

Dear Nagwa,

Chapters 1

“Nain Tara walked alone in the dark night. It was dark yet it was comforting. The night of February when leaves stirred with rustic noises as the wind blew suddenly, wrapping everyone and thing around in its cold, but inviting embrace. She was alone, yes, but she didn’t mind it. She knew at last that she was safe. She had suffered long and severe, but she had light pleasures too.” – Most often then not, those severely battered by cruelties of life find solace in nature, among others, rivers, forests, etc. I have never been presented with an opportunity of witnessing the “night” offering solace to a battered person. You have.

Bravo

You show a story not often portrayed to us Westerners...some of the monologue seems a little dry, but that an easily be fixed. Great concept and execution, however.

Dear Najwa,
I really enjoyed your Novel and i encourage you to keep writing. There's a certain charm to your voice, and it's refreshing to read about different cultures.
The beginning of "Life Makes a Novel" is all about the war, and unfortunately wars are devastating not only for countries, but for families as well. In your story, it is clear that it doesn't matter where you're from, family values are the same everywhere, and you'll do anything to protect and keep your family safe.
Wish you the best and rated highly.
Maria
"Dark of the Moon"

thank you very much for you time to read and comment on my book. It means alot to me really.

Your chapter 1 is full of action and emotion, right from Nain's family's escape to the killing of the soldier.

Your characters are good. Nain's a strong heroine, someone that the reader can sympathise with. She's put in very bad situations, and her actions reflect this. People do things in war/dangerous encounters that they may not do in normal circumstances. "Nain curbed all her restraint and let savagery engulf her." This line perfectly portrays this.

Your dialogue works too, and it felt natural, pertaining to the different area that your story is set in. All the best - Marita.

Your chapter 1 is full of action and emotion, right from Nain's family's escape to the killing of the soldier.

Your characters are good. Nain's a strong heroine, someone that the reader can sympathise with. She's put in very bad situations, and her actions reflect this. People do things in war/dangerous encounters that they may not do in normal circumstances. "Nain curbed all her restraint and let savagery engulf her." This line perfectly portrays this.

Your dialogue works too, and it felt natural, pertaining to the different area that your story is set in. All the best - Marita.

Hi, actually it does help yes...although i did add these implying words deliberately but perhaps i should cut them down. luckily i am typing out the manuscript, so it helps to make certain changes as one types along. thank you very much

Najwa,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

Sorry the reading swap took longer than expected. Sometimes life gets in the way.

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Specifically, the lyricism you inject into your narrative

......the blow by blow setting of place,,,,

...carving out words the way a sculptor carves out marble

.....every one sprinkled with the intention to evoke rather than to describe.....

"a light frown emphasizing his eyes"

...the net effect is that instead of describing a character or place...

... you install in the mind of the reader...

.......a visual world that resonates....

.... time an time again.....

.....the way the strings of guitar...

....resonates inside it's chamber....

and that is what makes reading you....

......marvelous


Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

"exclaimed sarcastically" 'swept her enticily"
I would cut a bit on the emotional labeling
Why?
Because when the writer labels an emotion, the reader reads ...the label
when he describes...the reader feels

for ex: "patted in gladness"
isn't gladness implied?
as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

David

Najwa,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

Sorry the reading swap took longer than expected. Sometimes life gets in the way.

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Specifically, the lyricism you inject into your narrative

......the blow by blow setting of place,,,,

...carving out words the way a sculptor carves out marble

.....every one sprinkled with the intention to evoke rather than to describe.....

"a light frown emphasizing his eyes"

...the net effect is that instead of describing a character or place...

... you install in the mind of the reader...

.......a visual world that resonates....

.... time an time again.....

.....the way the strings of guitar...

....resonates inside it's chamber....

and that is what makes reading you....

......marvelous


Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

"exclaimed sarcastically" 'swept her enticily"
I would cut a bit on the emotional labeling
Why?
Because when the writer labels an emotion, the reader reads ...the label
when he describes...the reader feels

for ex: "patted in gladness"
isn't gladness implied?
as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

David

Nagwa,
Nain is an admirable heroine and Life makes a NOVEL has a very original concept. Nain has survived experiences I wouldn't care to imagine and has the courage to move on and start a new life. She comes across to the reader as genuine and courageous and is someone I would like to know. This is inspiring.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

I began this novel, but had a difficult time getting through it. I agree with many of the things that Mary wrote in her comment. In addition to the grammatical issues, I found the prose was somewhat inaccessible and I had a difficult time orienting myself from one scene to the next. I often felt as though the narrator was holding out on me in that I didn't have all the information I needed to understand where I was or what was happening. Perhaps that was intentional, but I found it dampened my desire to get further into the book. Also, I think you should try to tell your story from only one character's point of view. Multiple point of views can work, but it takes skill and practice and I don't get the impression you've done it as a conscious choice (e.g., the book starts off from the girl's point of view, but then we're suddenly being told what the father was thinking). As a result, I felt like I was being tossed about like a rag doll. Also, the first couple of paragraphs seemed contrived and added little. I would start with the memory rather than the present. Notwithstanding, it seems you have fascinating material to work with. Good luck with this.

thank you will look into those; english is my birth language and well bescially my engish will differ slightly from british in that i have chosen to use some colonial collq here...but yes there needs some editing job...very difficult for one to do on his own work if you know what i mean...also i wrote this book when i was a teenager so i am also trying to reread it myself as i type it...not easy!!!

This is a difficult book to critique. There seems to be awkwardness, here and there, with your use of English. Small things--the tense of a verb, the wrong preposition--and a bit with punctuation. Also, you must look for all the words that end in ly and take out 9 out of 10 of them. In writing, it is much better to show with dialogue or action how someone is saying something or how they are feeling. So instead of saying "Go home," she said quietly, you could say "Go home," she whispered. Or: She lowered her voice. "Go home." I don't know, maybe not the best examples but the point is, Just Say No to adverbs!

OK, so what is intriguing about your writing is that you have certain natural gifts. Despite the above difficulties, you have a wonderful flow to your prose, and an ability to point out poignant details and to give wonderful, illuminating descriptions. And your dialogue is wonderful. There is the start of something fabulous here and if English is a second language, I'd strongly advise that you get some help with the grammar, etc. You are a talented story-teller and I really enjoyed this--definitely drew me in.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

thank you very much...i agree with the editing part, thats why i hope some publisher will come to my rescue because it is hard editing your own work and easy to do so with others'. Here italics dont seem to coem ot life or do they? like the font changes disappear when you upload your book isnt it? But i will check again. Thanks once more.

I love the mood you create immediately. You tell us the setting and Nain's feelings from the start, then move into attention-grabbing dialogue. The paragraphs are well-paced and possess good balance. You might want to distinguish your thoughts from dialogue, however, with italics or simply taking out quotation marks. Also, short is golden. The shorter the sentences and the less words you can get by with the better. Readers want to see some things and fill in the gaps with their own interpretations. I love your variance of words describing the dialogue and people, but don't feel like you have to use them all in one shot. Your characters really come to life and you have a knack for conveying their personalities through visuals. A pinch more editing and this is a gem. Good luck!
Joel Juedes

I love the mood you create immediately. You tell us the setting and Nain's feelings from the start, then move into attention-grabbing dialogue. The paragraphs are well-paced and possess good balance. You might want to distinguish your thoughts from dialogue, however, with italics or simply taking out quotation marks. Also, short is golden. The shorter the sentences and the less words you can get by with the better. Readers want to see some things and fill in the gaps with their own interpretations. I love your variance of words describing the dialogue and people, but don't feel like you have to use them all in one shot. Your characters really come to life and you have a knack for conveying their personalities through visuals. A pinch more editing and this is a gem. Good luck!
Joel Juedes

This is a difficult book to critique. There seems to be awkwardness, here and there, with your use of English. Small things--the tense of a verb, the wrong preposition--and a bit with punctuation. Also, you must look for all the words that end in ly and take out 9 out of 10 of them. In writing, it is much better to show with dialogue or action how someone is saying something or how they are feeling. So instead of saying "Go home," she said quietly, you could say "Go home," she whispered. Or: She lowered her voice. "Go home." I don't know, maybe not the best examples but the point is, Just Say No to adverbs!

OK, so what is intriguing about your writing is that you have certain natural gifts. Despite the above difficulties, you have a wonderful flow to your prose, and an ability to point out poignant details and to give wonderful, illuminating descriptions. And your dialogue is wonderful. There is the start of something fabulous here and if English is a second language, I'd strongly advise that you get some help with the grammar, etc. You are a talented story-teller and I really enjoyed this--definitely drew me in.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Thank you very much..and i will certainly look into it...thank you very much for backing it too!! :)

This is a very interesting book. It is a good read. The use of the first person puts the reader right in the midst of the story and helps to convey the thoughts and feelings of the characters. The dialogue is realistic with real emotions. The pace of your story flows well. If there is anything at all wronger with this novel it will only be the usual typos and misplaced comas here and there just like the rest of us on this site. But I am only giving my opinion as a reader and not as a critique of which I am not qualified to do.
Just a couple of things in your first chapter. Try to make the sentences shorter and precise, to grab and keep the reader's interest. Re-write or rephrase a few sentences to make it flow even better.
I.E (Wrapping everyone and thing around in it's cold, but inviting embrace) would flow better if you just say, ( wrapping everything and everyone around its cold and inviting embrace) And the second sentence,
ending ( I'm strong now, or had her tears just dried only to be replaced by blood if she tried more) could be replaced with ( am I strong now or had my tears dried up only to be re-placed by blood if I tried harder?)
Anyway, this like I said is just my opinion as a reader and can be accepted or ignore as I am not any better than yourself.
All in all it is a good read with a unique story-line, and you have done wonders with your imagination.
I look forward to the publication. Backed with pleasure.
Pamela 'THE OUTRAGE'

This is a very interesting book. It is a good read. The use of the first person puts the reader right in the midst of the story and helps to convey the thoughts and feelings of the characters. The dialogue is realistic with real emotions. The pace of your story flows well. If there is anything at all wronger with this novel it will only be the usual typos and misplaced comas here and there just like the rest of us on this site. But I am only giving my opinion as a reader and not as a critique of which I am not qualified to do.
Just a couple of things in your first chapter. Try to make the sentences shorter and precise, to grab and keep the reader's interest. Re-write or rephrase a few sentences to make it flow even better.
I.E (Wrapping everyone and thing around in it's cold, but inviting embrace) would flow better if you just say, ( wrapping everything and everyone around its cold and inviting embrace) And the second sentence,
ending ( I'm strong now, or had her tears just dried only to be replaced by blood if she tried more) could be replaced with ( am I strong now or had my tears dried up only to be re-placed by blood if I tried harder?)
Anyway, this like I said is just my opinion as a reader and can be accepted or ignore as I am not any better than yourself.
All in all it is a good read with a unique story-line, and you have done wonders with your imagination.
I look forward to the publication. Backed with pleasure.
Pamela 'THE OUTRAGE'

I don't believe that sarcasm is something that can be done alone, and would go as far as to say that most facial expressions written about a character alone have little impact. Expressions are visual communincation, if there is no one to communicate to, there is no point in expression.

Dear all, once more let me thank you in case i did not do so personally to each one of you for taking the time to comment on and back my book. I am very sorry in case i did not thank you earlier, but it's weird how i didnt see many of the messages and backings before on my alerts...once more my apologies and my thanks...

take care all and best of luck to you.

Dear Nagwa
I love the pace of this read, well crafted and original. I think I have already backed one of your books before. Love the storyline and the setting of this book
BACKED FOR SURE BY ME
Denise
The Letter
please take time to comment and back my book if you feel so, if not that is OK also thank you and the VERY best of luck

Hi, it is so strange that i am seeing your message now...or maybe i saw it earlier and replied? i have seen with shock otday that many people were sweet enough to back my books and somehow i didnt see it or them..please forgive me if that is the case. I just wrote to you a few days ago asking you to read my book when all the while you have peeked at it and commented on it too...i am so sorry for the mix up. But i didnt see this message before..allow my to thank you very much.

regards.

can anyone help me here; i seem to have my chapters doubled as in when i look at my book the mist i have cahpter1 twice, and 2 and 3 till 4 why is that/ does it mean i have entered them twice? will it be safe to delete the doubles?

thank you....but life makes a novel was my first book here on this site...the mist is very recent...pray i manage to upload life after i finish with uploading the mist...its hard work !!! but i thank you so much for rating my book...thank you so so so much

I supported your first book on this site "The Mist" and what you have posted so far of " Life makes a NOVEL" is just as good. The dialogue is well written and you have created a most memorable main character in Nain. I have given you a high star rating.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I supported your first book on this site "The Mist" and what you have posted so far of " Life makes a NOVEL" is just as good. The dialogue is well written and you have created a most memorable main character in Nain. I have given you a high star rating.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

beleive me i would love to do more like read the stuff...if only my blessed net helped me once more i am trying and this site is proving a loadful for my hbumble net....

You are totally fantastic, Nagwa! :) How can I ever thank you for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

This is a very differend and original idea for a book. I doubt I would have ever returned home as she did but I do like you book and wish you the best of luck Beth Anne (I may be one of those people who would go and never look back if this happened to me and my family) yet I would try anf get them out I am sure.

You are totally fantastic, Nagwa! :) How can I ever thank you for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear Nagwa
I love the pace of this read, well crafted and original. I think I have already backed one of your books before. Love the storyline and the setting of this book
BACKED FOR SURE BY ME
Denise
The Letter
please take time to comment and back my book if you feel so, if not that is OK also thank you and the VERY best of luck

I hope i am writing in the right place? Thank you very muc lolz... will definitely want to get into this actively...asap

The website is now acting up and I cannot read any book. I'll try to swing by later to comment what you have posted. Meanwhile, I am SHELVING this effort. If you get the chance when the website is working again, would love your comments on my book, but this is not a awap read agreement so it's NOT mandatory, NOT even your backing is required. Just read mine at your leisure and you DON'T even have to comment if you don't want to in the end. But you do now have my backing with a high TSR and that's what counts to get you moving up the food chain here. Good luck, mate. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

Dear Nagwa, I love that you have put me right there with you in your story to feel what your heroine is feeling. :) Amazing that she returned to India after all of the tragic events had happened there, but I guess that's what brings closure. :) Great write, informing me of how it is far away from my 70 years of life, living in California. :) Thank you for all of your time in writing your story :) - what a task. :) I've backed both of your books :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

This is a fantastc novel.

backed
THE MIND SETTER

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 2 hours later :)

The website is now acting up and I cannot read any book. I'll try to swing by later to comment what you have posted. Meanwhile, I am SHELVING this effort. If you get the chance when the website is working again, would love your comments on my book, but this is not a awap read agreement so it's NOT mandatory, NOT even your backing is required. Just read mine at your leisure and you DON'T even have to comment if you don't want to in the end. But you do now have my backing with a high TSR and that's what counts to get you moving up the food chain here. Good luck, mate. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

The pun in the title makes me wonder if you're serious.

Hi,
I must thank you for both your interest and your prompt comment. I must say i wasn expecing that. However, you have been most helpful: you see the story is not just about Kashmir, it is about Nain's life, and her various little journeys in life, Kashmir being what her background is. So i dont know if th pitch is completely misleading? Thus the beginning of the sentence abou the weather so as not to make the reader think the story is all about one theme.

The other problm is in this book there are no chapters, no titled ones too, but i didnt know how then to upload without keeping the chapter given on the upload page. Do you have any advice as to how to get about it? So you see this isnt evn the end of the chapter...this is more like the middle. I would be oliged if you help me around these technicalities.

Also could you tell me more about selfpublishing and cratspace? is it reliable? does one have to pay publishing fee, or is it after the book is out?

Regards,
Nagwa Maik

Hi Nagwa,

Your pitch elicited my interest and so I decided to look at the story behind your bio and the pitch. And what a story! It certainly needs to be told and I salute your courage in wanting to tell it. One word of advice, I would omit the “still committed by the Indian Army” part of the pitch. You don’t know who you might upset with that and there is no point in antagonising people before they even pick up your book.

Nagwa, please don’t start you novel with the description of the weather. Leave that for later. I would start with your strong sentence: “Thirty five years after her house had been burned down, Nain could still smell the smoke and see the fiery tongues shooting into the sky. The smoke burned her nostrils and the fire hurt her eyes. She had only been ten then but all these years later the screams of women and children were ringing in her ears.”

You can then switch to Nain walking through in the night.

Can you see how questions are immediately springing in the reader’s mind from the first sentence? Why was the house burned down? Who were the women and children? Why were they screaming? And why is Nain still shocked at the recollection of those events?

I would also finish the chapter with a hook: “He slowly took out the gun from his hind pocket.”

That would be a page turner.

Your dialogue is believable and the story flows well. I have backed it.

With kind regards,

George Mallory
PS Also break up the paragraph. It's far too long for the first chapter

Hi Nagwa,

Your pitch elicited my interest and so I decided to look at the story behind your bio and the pitch. And what a story! It certainly needs to be told and I salute your courage in wanting to tell it. One word of advice, I would omit the “still committed by the Indian Army” part of the pitch. You don’t know who you might upset with that and there is no point in antagonising people before they even pick up your book.

Nagwa, please don’t start you novel with the description of the weather. Leave that for later. I would start with your strong sentence: “Thirty five years after her house had been burned down, Nain could still smell the smoke and see the fiery tongues shooting into the sky. The smoke burned her nostrils and the fire hurt her eyes. She had only been ten then but all these years later the screams of women and children were ringing in her ears.”

You can then switch to Nain walking through in the night.

Can you see how questions are immediately springing in the reader’s mind from the first sentence? Why was the house burned down? Who were the women and children? Why were they screaming? And why is Nain still shocked at the recollection of those events?

I would also finish the chapter with a hook: “He slowly took out the gun from his hind pocket.”

That would be a page turner.

Your dialogue is believable and the story flows well. I have backed it.

With kind regards,

George Mallory
PS Also break up the paragraph. It's far too long for the first chapter