Book Jacket

 

rank 5470
word count 40440
date submitted 19.10.2009
date updated 19.10.2009
genres: Thriller, Science Fiction, Crime
classification: adult
complete

Purple Sun

Brian Daunter

Set some time in the future. Society is based on conditioned responses developed through multiple parenting, education and imprinting.

 

The purple Sun causes the conditioned responses to start to break down. This results in the conditioned ideal-self separating from real self. Society starts to revert to its old ways. The United World Government (UWG) suspends parts of the constitution through the Enabling Act. The United World Church (UWC) indoctrinates people to work towards Nirvana, the ultimate social contract. Safety and Security Officers (SS) are introduced. The SS evolves into the elite crossed SS to combat cyber terrorism and a general SS for law enforcement. The general SS is composed mainly of the mentally disturbed resulting from the incomplete separation of the conditioned ideal-self from real self; promotion is by assassination using garrotting squads. From these ranks Corporal Floda Reltih an illegal reverse DNA (AND) replicate, who is a psychopath, is trying to create reality by enacting history. He becomes the Chancellor of a renamed poor country by using the World Garrotting Games as cover. A biologist and his science colleagues are arrested for turning the Sun purple, and it is through them that the story is told. The biologist controls the mentally disturbed and the AND replicates by activating rapid aging genes following sexual activity.

 
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tags

, decline, destruction, sociology

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3 comments

 

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Silent Storm wrote 681 days ago

Battle Knyght:


"Silent Storm" is a totally different story, with a totally different message.

Ida L. (Silent Storm)

SusieGulick wrote 727 days ago

#8 backed :)

Ravenscar wrote 819 days ago

Brian,

This was a little difficult for me to critique. You seem to be writing in a deliberately dense style, which is, I think , effective for the subject matter. But the style required an investment of attention and patience that I don't know if I have. Don't get me wrong, I think it's well done. Reminds me of the movie Brazil, with it's endless beaurocracy and dark view of the future. It's a great parody and there are real gems of humor in here. But for a shallow reader like me, I was hoping for some dialogue, and maybe some action. You might have some of that later on. I don't know. I'm sure I'm not your target reader for this. But I gave it the ol' college try. And I backed it just because of the chuckles I got.

Below are my thoughts and nits as I read.


I like the second sentence. Wonder if you could combine the first and second for a more powerful effect?

Kind of a weird time jump from second sentence to third.

“Then I got arrested under the Cyber-Terrorist Act and was charged for turning the Sun purple.” Nice. I like this.

“…albeit that my actions and those of my …” This sentence was a little wordy for me.

“In order for…” Those three words rarely add anything to a sentence.

“…had purchased my colleagues on the …” Confused me a little.

I feel that there is some parody going on in this section, (the whole “purchased from” part) but I’m not sophisticated enough to understand it.

“…electronically induced fatal heart attack…” Nice!

“Not sure if someone actually died in that clerical error? It seems to indicate that someone did?

“…Here lies a Clerical Error.” Very nice. Snorted.

I like the Priority Library Clearance stuff. Reminds me of Brazil. (The movie, not the country. Although, the country probably has some of that sort of stuff as well).

“You had to be there to appreciate it.” This was very funny to me. You set it up well.

“ATypewriter” Funny. Nice detail.

“(SS) officer.” Nicely done.

Hope that helps,

Cheers,

Roberto Calas
The Beast of Maug Maura

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