Jenni

I really love the imagination behind this story. The way that you have developed the main characture has me wanting to learn where the next adventure or time will take her. I completely enjoy your work and I can't wait to read more!

An intriguing tale here Yusagi, complete with morals, choices, and paradoxes. Good luck with this one. : )

Bobby
Dented Sensation

Sort of a Hiro from Heroes, but female! :) Well, ok, not exactly. But I like the premise, and I'm backing it now.

John Pearson
Learn Me Good

There is s story here that I want to dig deeper into. I found the start a bit slow. Hard to get into but it still picked at my imagination. A different perspective for a book. That's a good thing. Good luck
Connie

The Dragon Reborn and Goblet of Fire are also my favorites in the series (although Prisoner of Azkaban is clearly better written, and Eye of the World is a close second).

You have great description, but I think your action can use the same level of concreteness. Or maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about. WL'ed.

Hi

I read and backed and commented on your book in December I was told by someone that you only back new books to keep you high in the rankings. I am sure that is not true.

Tony
Life Bringer

"she hated the fools with money that hadn't parted from them yet"

That line alone would get me to back this book. I've only had time to read a bit, but I like what I've read so far. I'll put it on my shelf and hopefully get a chance to delve into it more.

DW (River Dream)

Okay! I'll back this based on your pitch. I enjoyed your first chapter, poor, homeless Jenni. I am curious as to how she is going to "shift time", as your pitch reads.

Backed!

~Andrea (MARIPOSA)

Hi Yusagi
Read and backed your book - love your take on timeshifting and the possibility of changing the present and future . Do back my book The Destiny of Half Lives, an epic high fantasy adventure, about three disparate, dissolute, lives which reunite in an altered New York of the future, to save the galaxies. Do read - you will enjoy the ride :)
Laxmi
The Destiny of Half Lives

Definitely a good read. I've got it on my watchlist.

Your writing flows beautifully and I love the premise.

Happily backed

Melxx
(UNICORN)

This is quite a mindbender. Very well written with a strong key character who is fully fleshed out.

On my watchlist for more. Keep going.

Tim H
Hellbound

P.S> Have you read any Haruki Murakami......some of your writing struck me as somewhat similar.

A warning to all those authonomists who skim read- don't bother trying to with this one, you really have to read the whole excerpt to understand what the author is trying to do with it.

This is an interesting concept. Every chapter we awaken with the M.C, and like the M.C, spend the rest of the chapter trying to work out where and why she is. Very interesting indeed. I would be very keen to read the rest of this, simply because the four chapters on offer didn't feel like enough, and because your pitch- while confusing- is also quite intriguing.

I backed this because although the writing at times wanders a little too much and doesn't quite work in places, on the whole, the idea is brilliant and once I started reading I couldn't stop. I think my reaction to the story was on the whole quite positive, and the very fact that I wanted to read more means that you have caught me as a reader.

Not keen on the title- doesn't fill me with anticipation as your pitch did. But I liked your M.C and think your choice of tense was great.

Enjoyed this one. All the best with it. L.x

Timeshifter - this is an unusual piece of work, it moves along at a slow, thoughtful pace and insists that the reader take their time to mull over the images and concepts. There is a wry feeling to Jenni that is appealing without negating her vulnerability. Her character comes across very strongly. Intrigued to see where this will go next and how Jenni changes with the changes ; )

Would love to ahve your opinion on Graemor too if you have time?

On the shelf with best wishes.

M&J
GRAEMOR

I'm fascinated by the premise as given in your pitch. The idea of influencing changes somehow is definitely intriguing. You have a flowing way of writing that portrays Jenni's perspective very well.

The first chapter may go on a bit long for what it is - that's probably a matter of preference. Most of the words you've italicized really don't need to be. The words do their job without the extra emphasis, and in my opinion, the frequent italics only jar the reader out of the otherwise lovely writing.

As I said, very interesting. Backed.

R.C. Lewis (Fingerprints)

Hi Yusagi,

This is a very good and strong story you have here. I do believe it would benefit greatly with a little editing. You have a knack for storytelling, that much is easy to see. Jenni is a character, if given a chance, the reader will come to love. Best of luck.

Patrick Armstead
Dark Lands

Yusagi, dear one, this story deserves your polishing it. Your paragraph breaks are wrong. You need to break the paragraphs when you CHANGE subjects. You're making breaks where the same subject continues -- and even where the first sentence of the subsequent paragraph matters critically to the last sentence of the previous one. This story has a LOT of potential and YOU have A LOT of talent -- enough so that you need to take the time to make this narrative flow. Keep writing and rewriting and this will soon be super sellable material.

Loving regards, Callaghan

Second sentence of the 16th paragraph, 1st chapter, makes no sense at all. This is not a very likable MC. Why would I follow her life into subsequent chapters? You have punctuation error and typos you need to correct. I can tell you have talent -- honestly, but you use a lot of incomplete sentences, end sentences in prepositions and your compound complex syntax makes your intentions unnecessarily hard to decipher. I think the tragicness of this character holds a lot of petential for a great story and for lessons to be had, but you need to rewrite and make it less of a chore to read. I'm on the chapter 2 now.

Loving regards, Callaghan

Yusago. I remember reading this ages ago and I think I backed it but not sure, so I'll pop it on my shelf for a quick spin just in case I hadn't.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~ You may have already read/backed this also, but again, I'm not sure if you have.

You do a good job of getting inside your character's head-- I especially like Jenni's odd little observations. However, she feels a little emotionally cold, and given your style, the reader really needs to sympathize with Jenni right away, or at least be fascinated by her.

I didn't really understand what was going on until I reached the 3rd chapter. As I keep reading, I begin to wonder if what she "knows" to be real will only later be reversed and turn out to be another dream. I still don't have a clear grasp of what is going on. Also, you favor the use of italics to emphasize certain words in your sentences. They are so numerous I think they lose their potency.

Hi
Very different. Good storytelling. I liked the MC. You create empathy for the MC immediately which is hard to do. Well done.
You start well but the short paragraphs tend to loose me.
A lot of paragraphs start with She. Try editing them out. Try adding more dialogue.
On my WL for now. I will come back and have a second read when I have more time.
Cheers Olga

Definitely an interesting read. Found the short chunks quite 'play-like' but eventually got used to it, quite lyrical really. Happy to back, Jim D Serpent's Blood

Fascinating and very different indeed. Could perhaps do with some help on grammar but then again so could I! Backed.

Fascinating and very different indeed. Could perhaps do with some help on grammar but then again so could I! Backed.

Fascinating and very different indeed. Could perhaps do with some help on grammar but then again so could I! Backed.

I read the first two chapters, but had trouble getting there. I'm a grammar/punctuation stickler, and your story is rife with extraneous adjectives and adverbs. I see others have mentioned it as well. Might I make a suggestion? My favourite writing book, "The First Five Pages" has a terrific exercise in which the writer deletes every adjective/adverb on the first page. ALL of them. Read the "naked" page out loud. Now only re-insert the necessary adjectives/adverbs. Too many descriptive words signal a reader that you are a novice writer. I spent one summer deleting almost 50,000 words from my novel, so I understand the challenge you face. The first few cuts were painful, but after that I could see how my manuscript had improved 100% by just using the concept of "less is more".

I can almost guarantee an agent would put all your hard work aside after only the first sentence. That sentence can make or break your story. Yours has three descriptive words in it - and no hook. What makes us need to read on? Not want, but NEED?

Some people on here said they read on for a few chapters, hoping to understand what the story was about. That's not good. They need a reason to turn that next page. I think it was Stephen King that said you should watch someone read your book. Whenever they put the book down or look away, or even decide it's time for bed, you should run to the book, find out what page they were on, then fix that page so it's impossible to leave.

I hope my suggestions help.
Good luck with your book.
- Genevieve
Under The Same Sky
p.s. I hope you'll take a look at my novel sometime. I'd love to know what you think of it.

Jenni's riveting...this hooked me and refused to let go...backed

Yusagi,

I've enjoyed the first two chapters of "Timeshifter". Yours seems to be a plot that could create plenty of trouble from an organizational standpoint, but Yyou seem to be handling it quite well. Good job. Backed.
If you get a chance, would you mind checking out my novel, "The Wild, Wild Quest"? I always appreciate and comments/feedback that I can get.

Best of luck,
J. A. Johnson
(The Wild, Wild Quest)
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=13246

sod it this deserves a backing as much as any. Now come and have a read of Mirror in the Sky!




(please)

Hi :) I liked this story because I thought it was good simple writing with a very smooth gradient of flow and pretty well-timed pace. The dialogue was decent and those all-important italics were not overused lol! (I have a personal vendetta against italics lol). The one thing that I might niggle against is probably the one thing that some other commentators liked: the thoughts of the narrator, or stream of consciousness (though I wouldn't call it that myself) or whatever. As long as these thoughts are kept short and to the point I think there should be no problem with maintaining the general interest value that you sustain throughout :) Backed!

TIMESHIFTER:

Yusagi,

This is a very intriguing pitch and leads the reader into the story wanting to know what is going on. Questions, questions, burning to be answered.

Jenni is a most empathetic character and her stream of consciousness draws the reader in as she strives to deal with the changes.

Backed with pleasure.

With best wishes, and good luck,

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Yusagi
I admit I had some difficulty at first with the story but soon realized what you were doing - or what I think you were doing. It's like Jenni is trapped in Twilight Zone episode, or the world of The Prisoner (not sure if the latter is known to you but was a 1970 (?) TV series in which a former spy finds himself on an island and his reality is constantly shifting and his escape attempts ar always foiled.

Anyway, I settled in for read and enjoyed what's there so far. I have the following comments:

In Chapter 1 you use the word 'remembered' so many times I lost count - you may want to see if you can just ditch the word or use an alternative.

There are numerous instances were a better word choice would be useful. I'm a bit burned out at the present time but I want to re-read this since it's only 4 chapters and I'll make some better notes for you.
Backed
cheers
James

What an extraordinary story, weaving backwards and forwards through Jenni's reality. I must admit, the langorous style takes some getting used to, as so many stories these days whip along at breakneck speed - there were places I thought you could cut, especially some of the emphasis on getting caffeine. I realise you're building a picture and you do so with great art, but in parts it seemed repetitive. Overall, though, this is a very intriguing, ambitious book.

Wonderful catch. I saw a few places, in the catch, that could be worded differently. (exchange). [add], (/take out), {comments}
Nothing changed(/,) and nothing mattered, short of surviving for the day. {you don't need a comma before and here.}
Life wasn't much, and fore Jennie, life was even less than most(,) It was better she know it and be less(/, than better,) and live ignorant. {This is a difficult sentence. I feel that it would be better if you left out 'than better'. It sounded redundant.
One day(/,) her static world change(d). {Try to keep everything in past tense.}
In fact(/,) they increase, faster and more drastic every time(.) In seems as if she is the only one who notice it at all. {These sound better split into different sentences.}
At first(/,) she writes off the changes as imagination and dreams. As time goes on the changes become impossible to ignore. {If you read it out loud and put an exaggerated pause at where you are putting commas it helps to see if they sound right.}
As she become more aware of the changes, (Jenni) begins to find that, while she does not initiate them, she can influence these changes, affecting her past choices, and manipulating the present to her whim. {This is a long sentence and difficult to keep straight. Try breaking it down, rewording it, to make it shorter.}
(/Yet,) As she grows in strength and control, she is face with a choice: to use these strange changes to her own advantage, irregardless of the catastrophe that befalls those around her, or to use her increasing influence to fight them, and (put the world back to how they were)?
{These are simply suggestions. Use them as you see fit."
FJ Watson. (Shooting Stars)

Love the new cover! I found this book totally strange and unpredictable, in other words perfect reading for me ! The mystery draws the reader in from the start....dreamlike, mysterious and unique.
Shelved with pleasure.

Yusagi,

The premise of your story is quite intriguing. I am obsessed with all things related to time and the manipulation of time. Coincidentally (or is it?), I was watching a show on some science network last night. They had three shows in a row regarding the physics of time and how scientists are able to view how atoms behave and are able to track how fast atoms move. We are all time-shifters, but, for the most part, we are unaware of it. Fascinating...it boggles the mind.

Backed,
Janine
MY KIND OF CRAZY

Yusagi,

It took until the third chapter for me to figure out what was going on, but I'm glad I persisted. This is very interesting, and written in such a way that your MC's experience feels familiar to me, as if I have experienced it with her. I liked it and wish there was more posted.

Madison Woods - Retribution

This has been on my shelf for a week or so. This is a dreamy, easy read. I enjoy the easy style but you might consider moving some action in earlier.
Barbara
The Sea Pillow

A writer after my own heart. I would have to read the entire book to see how you succesfully relate Jeni's expriences to the reader. Hopefully there will be noticeable changes throughout, lest the changes seem mundane by the time one finishes.

What i will say from the little i read is that you start your book very well. All elements conjoin to create the atmosphere and character that is requried. Very good.

BACKED

My nitpicking:
You use warmth and warm in back to back sentences in the opening paragraph. I would consider deleting warm from "warm unconsciousness." You also make a reference to a dream that is fading without first telling us she was dreaming.

In the second paragraph (I think) you don't need "still" in "still frowning," especially as you didn't mention he was frowning before.

There is some stilted use of language in the opening chapter that gets in the way of the story. Small things easily fixed. The story seems solid, although I'm relying more on the pitch than anything I learned in Chapter one, which is fine. I'm sure everything will unfold in due time for me.

Backed.

Fascinating and powerful story that is confidently written.
Backed.

Yusagi,
Timeshifter has an interesting premise, but one very difficult to pull off--showing gradual changes taking place in the real world through the eyes of a character with a skewed view of reality to begin with, and not a very likable character, either. I give you high marks for the courage to attempt such an ambitious project and am curious to see how this story works out. Backed.

Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

You have a clear command of your craft, and I found few excess words, and the ones I did find are so nitpicky that I don't really feel they are worth mentioning. Your style is easy, but more than that, the narrative voice comes across as (and I've never used this word before to describe a written voice) kind. If that makes sense. I think it's a matter of the character's kindness is translating well through your limited third-omniscient. In any case, it makes for very readable prose. Best of luck with this.
Backed.
--Daniel
Every Atom Belonging

Yusagi,

An intriguing premise with a likable MC in Jenni. Your writing flows well and sort of entrances the reader.

Backed.

Laurie – Into The Master’s Lair

Hi Yusagi, A hazy, mesmerizing voice, her account is convincing of homelessness. Her confrontations with the policeman and the perversity of sending her to an upscale hotel – it shows how there is plot even in her wandering. Her backtrackings about her father and his illness come in like the day she is trying to negotiate. It creates an atmosphere that gives another light to such a town and its streets – Shelved Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Lately, I have given up backing things freely because so many more people simply take a backing than return one.

This story has an interesting premise and you have realized it well so far. Is it her sense of time that has been altered, or do things just disappear? Or is this perhaps a Rip Van Winkle type story?

Would be happy to back it if you'll have a look at Moonbeam Highway and do what you feel is right.

"as if someone pressed a universal 'pause'"... .."the world abruptly halted"

reading this book is like being taken on a trip you haven't planned, to a destination you don't know..

poetic prose, from the perspective of a jenni snatching sleep on the streets, fighting for basics, needing caffeine but unable to afford it without begging, an existence on the edge, written to convey the perceptions of someone who's there, really there.

this is a brave book and one that repays reading.

the fragmentation of worlds inside her head and the worlds, often agrressive and cold, which confront her, shape her, change her... "reality flickered erratically.." - and so it does.

i enjoyed this for being different and for a poetic imaginative prose style which attacks its subject with gusto.

shelved, and wishing you well with this.

freddie
("honour")

Really disorienting as if I'm in her head. Nicely done. I would find different words for nausea though.
Douglas Alan Pearce "Nomads in the Land of Fire" and "Sailors and Scumbags"

Yusagi.
Wow, this is something different and the writing is very good. Interesting the way you let the reader climb into the head of a down and out street person, Jenni, who is on the edge of insanity. The view from inside her head is chiling. I always wondered what it would be like to be a druggie on the streets. I found it a good read, but it gos on and on without action or gripping dialogue to hold onto the reader. I would interject some kind of street violence, an explosion or dialogue somewhere in those first three chapters, but it is your book and you have a compelling voice. Fun read, good luck with your book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge