The Clash of Amulets: The Duel of the Wills

CLASH OF AMULETS
This is a good story. You’ve created a complex fantasy world but because you’ve kept back story and descriptions of your settings to a minimum, it doesn’t read as complicated. You’ve stirred in a good mix of characters. Overall, makes this a good read. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Russell, I enjoyed Chapter One. Good mix of dialogue and narrative.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Russell, let me start by saying I'm not going to be a good judge of plot structure and storyline for the fantasy and sci-fi genre. But, as a reader I will tell you I enjoyed what I have read so far - it's packed with action - and hopefully I've got a few notes that can help you as you edit.

Your pitch - you've got some room there to expand a little, and I would definitely suggest that you do it. I think you do a great job of giving the overarching plotline, and mention that this is book one of nine (all very good information and very impressive too). The part that struck me was that you really don't mention any of your characters. Is Danes the MC? If so, perhaps you could detail him a little in the pitch. Connecting your potential readers to your characters is a great way to encourage them to read the book. The short pitch, 'The Lord of the rings meets star wars, star trek' - it's a good line, but a little awkward in its construction with 'star trek' tagged on like an afterthought.
The intro - just a couple of notes... You've got a start quote in the beginning - before "I am always." So I assumed this was one big quote - but I noticed that you've got two end quotes at the conclusion - one after begun, another after gods. Also, in paragraph 5 - "in it's scream" - that its does not need an apostrophe. Nothing major there, just a couple of things that jumped out at me.

Love the name Rann Danes. Had to get that in. Very strong name for a captain. Good names all over the place, an essential element of this genre.
The only other thing that struck me as odd was some of the capitalization of terms that aren't necessarily proper nouns - "Viewscreen" is the first one I circled. You may be using them as official terms, and if so, just disregard my thoughts- I know it's a style thing. Overall, I think you've got a great start to an action-packed fantasy thriller that is sure to captivate a large audience. Backed with pleasure.
Jared
Mummy's Boy

You have an unusual and very imaginative story, on the lines of the traditional Science Fiction book, with strange looking aliens, spaceships fighting each other, and a commander on the bridge ordering events. You have created a fascinating world, and given your powerful imagination full play. From the far reaching opening where you tell us about the forces, the Will and the Dre'em, and Arbyiss, you move up close, as it were, to the individual people fighting the Arks which have appeared as foretold. Rann and Armm are well drawn characters who come quickly to life and their reality makes the story more believable. You move your plot on quickly, and the last line of your first chapter, 'The shockwave hit,' is a great hook. Your writing is poetic at first as you speak of great events, then becomes more familiar and easy to read. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Not my usual genre, but anything referring to myth and legend gets my interest. Lots of Warhammer-type stuff here, gripping if a little over-complex. You need to be patient with visitors to your world!
Take a look at my book 'Life Script: Developing Your Personal Mythology' for stuff on mythic themes and archetypal figures which you could find useful in your character development. Regards, Jane B.

Backed January 28.

Jesse - Savant

Hi Russell
This is good fun and excellent SF - Shelved.

There is far too much information being dumped in #2 and quite a lot could be removed from the other chapters. It's not worth embarking on large explanations as your readers will have forgotten it before it matters. Tell them as little as possible and only when its necessary for them to know. Readers like to try and figure out what's going on in the bigger picture.

Good luck with this

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

I Iike these warhammer40K type reads, and so does my son. He then goes off to batle with hoardes of little plastic men. plenty here to create havoc with. Good fun. Shelved. Jim D Serpent's Blood

Had to admit I read your short pitch and was intrigued. The long pitch did not sell me but the writing did. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

I will admit I was a little lost. As I usually am with sci-fie spacey novels.
As I don`t normally read these I do not know what the standard protocol is.
There fore I will comment on the idea and plot.
What an amazing imagination you have, I always envy people who can think of stuff like this for I simply wouldn`t know where to begin.
The pitch confused me, but that said I think it would be explained further along.
Epic is unique as creating a different time and place is so time consuming, you have to think of so many details.
Backed for the creativity of it all.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

this is interesting and has a lot of potential. I like the images you conjure up of the vastness of space, and your characters are appealing and believable. I also like the vein of dark humour running through this in places. The first chapter ends with a gargantuan hook as the shockwave strikes the ship. It's a great way to keep the reader turning those pages.

However, I found the layout very distracting (probably authonomy's fault rather than yours) and there are some spelling/punctuation issues ("conspiritors" should be conspirators). With an edit this will be even better than it is so I'm backing because it really was highly enjoyable, and just needs a polish (don't we all, though?)

Jonathan Watts
Jenvilno

I saw the pitch for this and as I love LOTR and Star Wars of course had to have a look. I love the pitch and the opening is very epic, I loved the straight into the Star Wars style action, very good, Excellent writing. the opening just felt like I was reading a sci fi novel, was brilliant, shelved instantly.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

A stonking combo of a fantasy style, sci fi plot and thriller hooks. I'm thoroughly enjoying this with a nice tub of Ben and Jerry's :-)

One thing though - could you rename the 'red heat beams'? It sounds a bit lame compared to the rest. I feel a red heat beam would come in a white plastic box and would be used to heat up the leftover pasta.

The writing is tight, very tight, reads very slick. You also avoid the trap of making your book a yawn fest with various info dumps about alien species and whatnot that sometimes appear in these books.

Andrew

The Clash of Amulets is reminiscent of Dune in the prefaces of mythological verse and prophecy and the concepts of an individual who will hold the balance of the future - but here I think you go on too long with this. I suggest you spread it out across other chapters like Frank Herbert did if you need it all. Like other reviewers, I also felt the start was over complex and with too much telling; the book came alive for me with the Star Wars stuff when Renn and Armm talk about fighting back, figure out their plan and execute it - a great hook at the end, leaving me wondering if they survive the destruction of the Arkship. The earlier backstory needs feeding in more gradually to create the worldview that I can buy into, but you can't stuff an entire galaxy into my head in C1 - start with a ship, then a fleet, then a world and so on in successive chapters so the poor reader has a chance. Get rid of the 'has beens' and 'hads' , and please ditch the italics for every type of ship and everything - most distracting and way too many unknowns to absorb.
This has the potential to turn into a terrific saga IMHO, but needs a fair bit of polishing. Backed and good luck.

They're kind of right about that slow start. I had a similar problem with my book, as it too is the start of an immense and epic narrative. That being said, you get into the action fast once all the quasi-religious framing devices are through. And that means space battles, which is a good start.
If it were me writing, I'd cut down on the italics for the names of things... save it for emphasis in conversations. Other than that, you're looking good for a sci-fi epic which spans NINE books! Awesome vision!

Alter Inferno - All the subtlety of a chainsaw vasectomy

Hello Russel

I shelved yesterday, but have only now had time to sit down and read. Well. I am an unapologetic sci-fi/fantasy nut. I love the excerpts in the beginning and I love the action that follows.

All the best
Elaina

The Clash of Amulets

I think it took you awhile to get started. A lot of narrative. Telling the reader what had happened instead of showing him. I think your novel would come to life faster if you brought scene closer to the beginning. It would make it more powerful. As it is it is an enjoyable piece but I think it could be more so. On my shelf. C.P

Rusell

Dont fall out with me.......!!!!

I shall,..... bla bla bla.......Existence.....Creation....Arbyiss........bla bla. bla.........Nothingnothingnothingnoting......bla bla bla...

I thought, Jesus, is this ever going to start ?????????? And then I got to the Third Day after Ark's Arrival, and from then on, I flew through the rest......I enjoyed it, this is a well written fast movng piece, which deserves to do very well.........

Shelved with pleasure

Great action Russell! Love your confidence and am looking forward to spending much more time in your world! Backed buddy!
Simon

Clash of the Amulets: Duels of Wills

Hi Russell,

Battlefield Earth has a successor, I know everyone knocks it, L Ron Hubbard and the scientological weirdness but some of us sci-fi nuts really, really liked Battlefield Earth, discovering it for me was something wonderful. Such a great, unpretentious, no-nonsense, no-embarrassment bit of science fiction. It was utterly digestible which is what your writing is, there is the epic, the mythical and then there is the pacy thriller like writing. This is not a Lord of the Rings like dirge, walking, walking, walking and then a monster, we are straight in amongst the mystery and then the monsters. Great stuff. I loved the unpretentious writing, the not take itself too seriously, you are main-lining story at us, a geekfest of all the best sci-fi traditions. I enjoyed this immensely, exactly what one needs after the day job, brilliantly done. I kept reading and reading, guzzling it down, the short snappy chapters are great for that and Rann is a great hero figure, boy is he mad! Needless to say I am backing this, if you find yourself with time to stop by my book and have a look you have no idea how helpful that would be.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

I like it thus far. You have a knack for action sequences. I like it. They're very detailed yet intense.

I would say though that you might want to remove some of the italics. Italics for the ships names and perhaps key words to set the tones are good, but not so much for the races, religions, cities and such. It get's a little goofy reading with all of them in there.

I like it overall though. Thus far I've only gotten through two chapters, but it's good so far. I'm backing it. :)

OK, I like the premise - desperation and superior intelligence in the face of insurmountable odds. I like the prologue - nice build up. I like the action, I like the dialogue - all good so far. What I don't like is the italics. Why are so many names and reference points in italics? It gets annoying after awhile. No, really.

At the start of the action, events stop unfolding and we are given a lecture on the Sai'Mesi. This is all tell and no show. Perhaps at the end of the battle we could have a character recount this information in dialogue or perhaps we could have it as a flashback by a disgruntled member but it feels out of place as it is.

Now, all that said, I liked this piece. You have a talent for action, and there is sufficient tension to carry off your scenes. I am not so sure of the rationale behind hitting the array, that seemed deliberately vague, noting micro-seconds between flickering shields but a little reflection to tighten that up would sort it.

I've shelved it. I'd like to see it evolve a little.

Good luck!

John.

I have seen enough Science Fiction/Fantasy books on here to know the appeal of something like this:

“Hundreds of Ark fighters racing across space, chasing down the surviving scraps of the once impressive Fordorian fleet, now only forty – seven ships remained. Multitudes of thin red heat beams screamed from their alien weapons, their beams intersecting the abyss.
In a weak, but determined display of retaliation, the crescent shaped, gold coloured Spatfighters replied in kind only to be slaughtered. Twenty-one ships culled in a dazzling light show of destruction as laser beams searched them out, blasting them on contact.”

As a suggestion then, consider trimming down, removing, or introducing later the opening sections prior to chapter 1 proper and get more quickly to the action sequence; but not until others more learned in this genre offer their perhaps better opinion.

But no doubting the pull of passages like this:

“The Sia’Mesi thirst for revenge became their new religion, their new masterpiece as they blazed across the stars, no longer peaceful or weak, now they were the warriors who swore an oath to annihilate the entire Janusan race and never be a prisoner again.”

Much more of this book needs to be uploaded but it is clear from what is here already that this author knows what this genre requires and his fast-paced style fits well with what is his obvious story-telling ability. Shelved.