Autostop

Sebastian,
I found this brilliant. Good theme and fine descriptions. Gripping story too.

A blast of fiction.

best

Sebastian,

I've just had a look over your opening chapter, and was hugely impressed. There's a real immediacy to your writing, nothing extraneous or flabby about your prose. Your dialogue is crisp and fresh, a real feature. I'm going to put you on my shelf for now, and hope to duck back in when I have more time.

Regards

NA 'A Red Sky in Morning' & 'Tales of Ordinary Sadness'

Sebastian -

Autostop - I love this love journey ... It was much easier for him to be somebody he wasn't ... and he certainly wasn't going to be ordinary ... Betty wasn't ... Alex is high on Betty, she is with him wherever he hitches, he makes space for her, imagines her to see, hear and touch through his senses. Alex drinks the world with his senses, her senses, and in all that he is belovedly alone and anonymous. He questions the oracle, with respect. Nobody will find him on a junction, like the Port D'oloreans junction, where he can pick up the handmade signs in all directions and divine the next hitch. It's a rich and many-layered read.

Backed with pleasure, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

This is a story you want to just relax and enjoy. The writing style is pleasant, easy to read, low key, amusing, with some great description and evocation of places. I liked, for instance, the description of France as Alex first drives through it in the lorry, beautiful, 'Godlike.' Alex is a complex, sympathetic character. I love the part about his superstitions, his games, keeping wishes, throwing stones, flipping coins. Lovely! The relationship with Betty is very interesting. We see Betty through Alex's eyes, but that doesn't stop us learning quite a lot about her. The influence she has had on his attitude to life is obvious to the reader, if not to Alex himself. Alex is possibly spoiling his life because of her. 'People can be so stupid.' But then again, perhaps Betty is the best thing in his life? Alex thinks she is. A very enjoyable story, hard to stop reading. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Great. To copy other's mannerisms. I do that to. I don't have a true self either.
I am stable enough to back this though. REally, a good read, with characterisation i understand all too well.
Dialogue works for me too, bringing the piece alive.
Good luck with this.


BACKED

Added Autostop to my watchlist tonight. Looking forward to reading it soon.

Loved the first chapter. I think if you could get this edited and cleaned up you have a great story here. Believe me, you can look at something ten-thousand times and not see it. You give great character to Alex and Betty, the story moves well and hooks the reader.

backed
all the best
Sue
Fate's Chastening

Sebastian,
I found this brilliant. Good theme and fine descriptions. Gripping story too.

A blast of fiction.

best

I am loving this so far. You've got a great writing style and it drew me into the story right away. I think a lot of people will feel the same way, not sure of who they really are or trying to be somebody different for the person they love. I would read this from beginning to end if possible. Nice job with this. I'm looking forward to more getting uploaded.

Missy

Sebastian,

I've just had a look over your opening chapter, and was hugely impressed. There's a real immediacy to your writing, nothing extraneous or flabby about your prose. Your dialogue is crisp and fresh, a real feature. I'm going to put you on my shelf for now, and hope to duck back in when I have more time.

Regards

NA 'A Red Sky in Morning' & 'Tales of Ordinary Sadness'

Although romance is not near my genre and not something I would normally read I enjoyed your writing and would definitely place this on my book shelf.

BACKED

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Alex. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Sebastian,
I love the setting of this romantic adventure. I wanted to join in Alex's escapade from page one and look forward to seeing the complete work. Backed with enthusiasm.

you have a solid style that moves this all along, making it a great book...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS..

Sebastian -

Autostop - I love this love journey ... It was much easier for him to be somebody he wasn't ... and he certainly wasn't going to be ordinary ... Betty wasn't ... Alex is high on Betty, she is with him wherever he hitches, he makes space for her, imagines her to see, hear and touch through his senses. Alex drinks the world with his senses, her senses, and in all that he is belovedly alone and anonymous. He questions the oracle, with respect. Nobody will find him on a junction, like the Port D'oloreans junction, where he can pick up the handmade signs in all directions and divine the next hitch. It's a rich and many-layered read.

Backed with pleasure, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

I think what impressed me was the flow of this!
It all feels very natural. Like the psychology around Alex it creates a great character. And then you set up Betty and it is intriguing how this is all going to mix together. The only thing I remembered that jarred was I lost the point of perspective with the drive once, apart that I think this is very, very good!

Hi Sebastian, You’ve portrayed a true traveler or wanderer and because he doesn’t make destinations, his decisions have a plot of their own. Betty’s background and her penchant for traveling seems to seal his idea of an avocation. The POV is very immediate and makes the roads and the sights vital. A tour from an earthy, compulsive traveler! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Betty and Sebastian are interesting names for a couple. We'd laugh if they were Barney and Betty. But Sebastian . . . now that's cool. A good probe into the way relationships flip around like rubber bands, and somebody gets zapped every now and then, and again. Backed. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

Hi Sebastian,

Your first chapter (all that I've read so far) is fascinating to one enamored of the west coast of France, which you obviously know very well. The highlight of the chapter, of course, is Alex's obsession with the elusive, exciting Betty. This is unusual and could be explored to advantage, with insights into the relationship. It would offer opportunities for more dialogue as the lovers try to understand each other better. Another suggestion is that you divide this long chapter into several organized by some principle, say geographic. Flashbacks to Betty would lend interest. Every word you've written could be used, but the reader would gain a sense of purpose, as expressed in your pitch. In any case, Alex's peripatetic adventures, as well as his quest and yearning, have an authentic ring that leads us on, so I'll gladly back "Autostop" and plan to read more.

I hope you'll take a look at my novel "The Doctor of Summitville" and send me a clue to your impression. --Best of luck, Bill

AUTOSTOP
This is an interesting story. You do a good job with diaglogue. Alex is immediately likable by the way he talks to the truck driver and wonders if the driver is going to fall asleep. Not a lot of action, so this probably isn’t the book for everyone, but I found this an engaging read. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Your cover is stunning and I love the pitch. I've often wanted to run away from everything but never brave enough to actually do it. I love the way his adventure starts in France, away from the island. The pace is excellent and I also like the way you describe Alex as a chameleon, adjusting his accent and the way he talks to those around him. I've heard people do this myself. Excellently written and a joy to read. Backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Dear Sebastion, I love that you put me right there in your story with Alex to feel & think what his quest is & accomplishing it. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs (you may want to cut the longers paragraphs in 2 or more for us with short attentions spans who tent to miss the middles) & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. ) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
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authonomy quote:.
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Hi Sebastian,

Pretty weird read, and so long. Shelved because I enjoyed it enough to get to the end.

Break it up into at least four chapters, run it through a spelling checker to get rid of mistakes like 'fourtenn' and then think about improving the coherence.

Best of luck with this

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

Great. To copy other's mannerisms. I do that to. I don't have a true self either.
I am stable enough to back this though. REally, a good read, with characterisation i understand all too well.
Dialogue works for me too, bringing the piece alive.
Good luck with this.


BACKED

Hi Sabastian. Pitch looks good. Not my usual type read gut the book has a nice feel to it. Writing is competent and the story sound great. Only read a 3 chapters but I think it will do well here. Best of luck with it. On my shelf. best of luck with it Sabastian

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

I know I read and backed this before.
*insert confusion here* Why didn't I comment?
I know I enjoyed it.
I know I thought Alex to be an intriguing character and the premise to be a promising one.
Weird.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

This is a story you want to just relax and enjoy. The writing style is pleasant, easy to read, low key, amusing, with some great description and evocation of places. I liked, for instance, the description of France as Alex first drives through it in the lorry, beautiful, 'Godlike.' Alex is a complex, sympathetic character. I love the part about his superstitions, his games, keeping wishes, throwing stones, flipping coins. Lovely! The relationship with Betty is very interesting. We see Betty through Alex's eyes, but that doesn't stop us learning quite a lot about her. The influence she has had on his attitude to life is obvious to the reader, if not to Alex himself. Alex is possibly spoiling his life because of her. 'People can be so stupid.' But then again, perhaps Betty is the best thing in his life? Alex thinks she is. A very enjoyable story, hard to stop reading. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Intriguing characters, interesting premise. But who isn't running away in life ;)
Felt authobiographical at times with the writer being too close to his story-need to write with a slightly detached view.
Slick writing, if i may add.
Best,
nans

Hey mate, I'm a sucker for road stories, and ya got me. a fine spin. on my shelf. best, andy

Tightly written. Some fine characterisation. From your premise I thought to myself, eh up, I could get into this.
So, on the basis of good clear writing and flowing prose, together with a promising story,

I'll back this book

BACKED

This is a very promising bit of writing. You have a good ear for dialogue but you also have the ability to create very indepth characters. There just has to be a bit more scene and a bit less narrative. You know show instead of tell. I think scene keeps the story moving. Gets the reader more involved. Good luck with this strong piece. On my shelf.
Connie

Sebastian, this reminds me, in more ways than one of Kerouac' 'On the Road' but I like it mostly because I used to do an awful lot of hitch-hiking myself in the 70s and 80s and ahve thought of doing a story of some of my own experiences. You hurled me right back there - even down to the roll-up ciggies in the lorry driver's cab, listening to stories and other lives and having the blank canvas to recreate my own past or character, trying things out. The changing landscapes, the roads - magical. The running away from one's self towards another kind of self.
Your dialogue is totally there and doesn't mess too much with flowery descriptions. I must have about a dozen diaries filled with my own stories. It's a great piece of work. I hope you get to finish it. On my watchlist. In a couple of days it will be going on my shelf. It's not crap, it's great!!! Congratulations! Chris1

tony, jane, kim,

thanks all for the useful and encouraging comments - and for backing the book!

yes the linear aspect of the book is one i know needs adressing, and it has always been the intention to create the 'flashbacks' to break it up - the note to myself has always been "show how much he loved her" eg the good times in the years previously, and the times his heart was broken by her before. I just gotta write it! It's the bit I'll be working on next!
and the why. why is he on the run. it's more than just running from a broken heart. what exactly has happened to betty? eg how come it's so final this time? what did she do this time that upset him so much., that pushed him over the edge, how come he got rid of her this time? is it possible he's killed her? done in flashbacks to the week immediately before he hits the road, the bit where she 'came and went away again'.

all of the scenes need flesh on the bones but i like the 'drifting in and out' aspect, as that's the nature of hitching, but agreed some of the scenes can be very quick. but that's no problem, i'll enjoy that, those scenes are the fun bits to write!

i've got some time today to read more of your work, so if i haven't backed you yet i will!

cheers

sebastian

I agree with Jane, that you should try to convert some of your 'told' events into 'seen' events, using dialogue (which you're very good at) to give them life. The danger of a linear journey is that it become linear writing - 'I did this, and then I did that' - so you need to break it up with, for example, thoughts back in time, and sometimes giving the POV to another character. Having said all that, this is potentially a very good book, and you write very fluently. It's a good read, so I'm backing it. Best wishes, Tony

You have a clear ear for dialogue and a great sense of character. I think the road novel format is a tough one though, as with a solo traveller it's hard to keep up the impetus and get the depth you need to keep the reader moving on. People drift in and out and, just as they get interesting, Alex moves on.

Alex is on the run because of what happened in the past and I think (just IMHO) we need to SEE what happened rather than be told about it. Long journeys are great times for introspection and it would be more than natural to have him falling into reverie about incidents in the past. You do this but don't show us it.....going back and revealing bit by bit what causes him to be hitchhiking through France and England would give this a second narrative thread that might give this the punch I think it's missing right now.

I think your writing is great but it runs the risk of feeling a bit aimless at the moment....
I'm very happy to back this for huge promise.
Jane
WALKER

yeah, I love road stories and this is a worthy entry. For once, the pitches both work - SHELVED!

I could use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Hi Sebastian!

I'm here for our read swap! I find the premise to the book fresh and intriguing... A messed up kid on the run, hitching his way through adventure. Definitely has a lot of promise. Your pitch could use some punctuation, and a little more information. It's done it's job at capturing my attention, but I think you need just a little more hook. Give a bit more detail on Alex, describe his personality and situation, and perhaps give a little more hint as to why he yearns to be anonymous... Make the readers want to dive into the book to find out the answers!

The writing inside is good - yes, it's got some polishing that has yet to be done, but don't we all! I know there's a huge cultural difference from my world and Alex's, so I'm not going to get into dialogue delivery. I did like the reference to "Alex the endless chameleon" - it hints at his inner turmoil and defines his need to blend in early on in the book.

I won't go typo by typo, as I know you're still editing, but I'll give you one I found and hope it helps in the finessing... In the fifth paragraph, you've got "an perpetual insecurity" - should be "a perpetual insecurity."

Overall, I think my biggest nit would be the length of some of your paragraphs. They seem really long, especially when found before and after your short, snappy bits of dialogue. (The last paragraph in this upload is REALLY long...) I would consider chunking up into multiples, just to make it easier on the eye. I'm in marketing, so aesthetics are what I look for. Take it for what it's worth, grain of salt - I'm not an editor by any stretch.

In the end, I think this has a unique approach to it, and I found your honest and quirky delivery very refreshing. I know it's a work in progress, but think this has a potential to delight readers with something out of the norm. Great job - I'm happy to back this, with the hopes of boosting it along.

Kim
Invisible Justice

I'm intrigued by Alex's character. I hope you do finish this. Just connect the dots! It's a work in progress, I know, but I like what you've done so far.