Book Jacket

 

rank 5470
word count 162998
date submitted 26.10.2009
date updated 01.12.2009
genres: Literary Fiction, Religious, Erotic...
classification: adult
complete

The Story of E

Marc Delalangue

The comic rendering of a thirty year old dilettante’s kinky, criminal, scientific, and philosophic quest for the Name of God in the Twentieth Century.

 

Angry and disappointed because he has no job, he-who-will-be-E leaves his Ph.D. defense-of-thesis. A protest rally offers distraction. But when Aunt Hager interrupts and accuses Fyodor Leonovich Maslenikoff of stealing beets from her garden, the amusement ends.

As Fyodor collapses into a fit, he dares he-who-will-be-E to get arrested. He does and soon he meets Maslenikoff in jail.

Later that evening at his girl friend Poly’s, inspiration strikes: he’ll earn the tuition for Maslenikoff’s course in God’s name by turning two pounds of good Mexican into super grass.

Two months later, during a grueling forty eight hour workshop, Poly, guided by her mentor Phyllis, chastises the impatient, careless, and inconsiderate, egoist for tramping through her life to do his alchemy. Chains, electric shock, and the five basic exercises, re-educate E to a proper appreciation of the feminine.

As the workshop proceeds, E and Poly remember the week during which he was an alchemist.

As the ordeal winds down, she has E tell his adventures with Fyodor and recount Maslenikoff’s ‘ridiculous’ good news.

But his success making super grass has gotten him a job offer, and E must choose between his new appreciation of the feminine and masculine egoism.

 
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tags

god's name in the twentieth century, male feminization, science and religion, sex and gender, turning grass into super grass

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33 comments

 

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AlanMarling wrote 814 days ago

Dear Marc Delalangue,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I like your understatement in the demolition, “a nudge here, a push there”. Your characters have distinctive voices, and I liked the line where she says there’s a cloud of evil about the boy like a swarm of flies. You create a delightfully awkward situation between the black woman and the Jewish guy. Curious that she wants to be called “Poly” with one “l”. I like how her “leather heels peek-a-booed under her slit cuffs”. Loved the line “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose”.

I enjoyed the wit of your dialog. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

Nick Poole2 wrote 814 days ago

A wife a slave to the husband? I wish.

(What's all this he-who-is-to-be-E business?)

Aunt Hager's squaring up. She's a sort of Oracle, ain't she? and E-to-be seems to have the mark of Cain. Or at least of spring-heeled Jack. I love Biblical references, and ol' Ishmael, the wild man.

Poly with one L.

What a cavalcade of characters! What weirdness! Searching for a new name of God.

I will shelve this and one day I will read it further to savour the wit and the language and the way you pin the characters voices so exactly.

Nick
"Mirror In The Sky" (should you feel so inclined)

lionel25 wrote 815 days ago

Marc, I read your "Overture" chapter. This is fine work. Great narrative and dialogue. I really can't fault anything in there. I think your work deserves a higher ranking.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

jtgradishar wrote 825 days ago

I remember this one... anyway, I've already done many critiques for you. I gave it a backing on my shelf.

Best of luck with it!

Alan Dean wrote 897 days ago

Marc,
As did others, I enjoyed, the characterizations and dialogue you offer. Well written and smoothly flowing, the harness scene was visual and quite humorous.

Your use of accent in the dialogue was really quite good and engaging.

I struggled with the complexity of the presentation and lengthy dialogue in spots. You do the material justice, but will every reader apply as much effort as I?

Another downside--other than losing readers--is that the thread of the storyline is hidden behind the complexity of statements. I'm not saying dumb it down, but consider how parimoniously Hemingway--who certainly had a voluminous vocabulary--always put the story first.

There is a philosophical bent to the story. I wanted to sink my teeth into it, but found it just beyond my grasp. I have no quick-fix answer to this other than having others (non-Authonomites) read it, get feedback and poll what they've said.

In terms of editing, selectivity of what needs to be said to move the story along and how complex it needs to be are major factors. As it stands, although wirthwhile, this is not an easy read.

Best of luck,

Alan-Time of the Avatar

soutexmex wrote 897 days ago

I'm with Derek as this is worthy enough of a SHELVING.

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

sperber1 wrote 898 days ago

This is different. That's the first thing I like. Second, your opening speaks of the plight of women in society, but rather than some strident screed, you provide a very entertaing, easy-to-go-down narrative. Third, you have established memorable characters and dialogue. Off to a good start here, so consider it backed (shelved).

Francesco wrote 900 days ago

Thought provoking but highly entertaining...oh and very smooth.
Backed.

mikegilli wrote 901 days ago

This is great. I'm enjoying it a lot..On my shelf
to read some more...There's Plenty of it!
Excellent writing, great characterization and so funny.
Lots of luck with it..........Mikey

B. J. Winters wrote 901 days ago

You made me smile -- and trust me that's an accomplishment. I'm pleasantly surprised to be on chapter 10 and still want to turn the page and hear more about the romantic, Americian egoist. Happy to offer my backing and support - hope you do well.

Onthedottedline wrote 902 days ago

This is certainly a clever piece of writing, with well-defined characters, but it was too esoteric . I found some of the sentences rather complex and circumlocutory to my English ear, but then we speak and write in very different languages, so they may work better for your target audience. The pitch does you no favours: it should summarise the action, and provide hooks, but I felt it did neither. Good luck with the editing! Best wishes, Tony.

Adrian.A.Moore wrote 902 days ago

I read to the end of chapter 4 and I was very impressed with the characters you have created. To be honest I couldn't understand what was being said all the time but this is because you have realistic narrative. You show us how someone talks. I didn't notice any errors and I will back with pleasure.

Adrian
Jack and Boots

hot lips wrote 902 days ago

I read to the nd of chap 3. I thought this was well written, it paints a complex true to life scene with real people speaking. They are strong characters with strong voices. But sometimes I felt sentences were too long and complex. A balance has to be struck between speech reality and reader understanding. This is, however, a very polished piece of writing. Backed BADD

BenjaminK wrote 906 days ago

Hi Marc,

I revisited the story of E tonight. I like your writing it's so clean and the characters are vivid. The c-restraint scene is hilarious.
Just one (Nit - what are these people going on about? Do they have hair probems?) tiny thing. 'You wanted a hundred dollars "too", as told the judge...etc'
Unfortunately, again I get home from work after staring at the computer for a whole day and I'm fading at Chapter 5. Got the weekend coming and I'll have a proper read of The-Story-Of-E. But for now - I've shelved it.

Best!

Benjamin

Steve Ward wrote 908 days ago

Marc,
Excellent writing! You have a very distinctive writing voice. It was a little hard for me to follow, cultural differences I expect, but I know good writing when I see it. Love the similes: Penned like a felon in a searchlight and evil, swarming like a cloud of flies. So descriptive and fun. I like the italics for thought dialogue but would suggest you insert a "he thougt" to the first one. Rigth! he thought. But where to? Then the reader will know it is thought from then on. And, wow, you're about the only writer on this site that knows how to spell "all right." The story is quirky. Wonder how you came by the name he-who-would-be-E? I loved the sermon from Aunt Hager about Ishmael and Isaac. Poly looks like trouble. This is a fun read, good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Duaghter: Revenge

paxie wrote 908 days ago

Marc

You pitch does not do you justice.....To be honest, I almost didn't bother to read on.....I thought, where's the plot, whodunnit or hook in that lot ......

Now I have to eat my own words.....You are a fine writer, you've created fantastic characters....I suspect you know Aunt Hagar, and I'm sure there is a real Poly somewhere in your life......I know there is in mine...

I read your loaded chapters one and two...I sat pen poised, ready to jot down typos etc, and found nothing to complain about. I enjoyed the read, very much......To the extent i wasn't really bothered where you were taking me, I was just happy with the journey...

Best of luck with this...Shelved with pleasure.

DMC wrote 909 days ago

Marc
I read 1-3
He-he, my interest peaks as soon as ‘There’s evil ‘bout you, boy…’ In fact, I really like the spirited Aunt Hager. She oozes character.
I think this is easily accessible writing and yet there’s a lot more here than your average novel. I’m not sure how you do it.
Oh, forgot to mention that I love the names. And he-who-is-to-be-E had to take top marks for originality. It also creates a mystique about the character and I’m wondering what more there is to find out.
The manuscript could probably be tightened (as for most of us) and so I’ll also mention ‘Self-Editing for Fiction Writers’ by Browne and King. It is a great book for budding authors and I recommend it to everyone. You may want to take a look.
Thanks for a thought-provoking read.
Shelved with my best wishes
David
Green Ore

BenjaminK wrote 909 days ago

I really like your writing style - it's clean and extremely quirky. I'm a big fan of A Confederacy of Dunces. This is in the same vein except quite a bit raunchier. Definitely worth persevering with.
I'm a new comer to Authonomy, but I do think the pitch could be simplified.

Benjamin

S.D. Gillen wrote 910 days ago

You write very well and I could offer you no constructive critisisms. Your characters are filled with life and creativity. Aunt Hagar is funny! Poly is umm..... a VERY bad girl! He who will be E... well he is interesting.
Not sure where the story is going but with your writing ability I'm sure it will do well!

SD Gillen

Jane Alexander wrote 910 days ago

Hi Marc, this is a book I would really much prefer to read in paper form (well, to be honest, I prefer to read ALL books in paper form but some just yell out for it). It's sly, complex, clever writing and there are some seriously wild and wonderful characters here - I've read to the end of 6 and so far I'm loving naughty Poly and Aunt Hagar in particular.
Is it too smart for its own good? I wonder. The first chapter is a bit convoluted and you might lure readers in more by launching straight into the bondage scene! But hey, that's me being crash and populist.....
Just read Kim below and I agree the pitch could do with some work. It reads more like a synopsis at the moment. I'm not great on pitches but her idea sounds good to me.
Did enjoy this a lot and happy to back.
Jane
WALKER

Kim Jewell wrote 914 days ago

Hi Marc!

I think I may be a little out of my realm here in offering advice, but I do think this has an approach and style of delivery that is unique. I suspect that is what you're going for here, and I suspect there will be an audience that understands and appreciates this! I do love the epigram and muted tonings at the beginning of the book - it's a nice way to set the tone and ease into the book's storyline.

I think your pitch needs a little bit of work. Try this - sit down with a tape recorder and verbally sum up your book in a minute or less. Like you would be telling someone that hasn't read or heard about it what the storyline would be from start to finish - the Reader's Digest version. That would be what your pitch needs to read like.

Your descriptions and dialogue inside the book are good. Again, I'm sorry I'm not able to help more with structure, but I so believe you have a clear vision of what you're trying to achieve here. I applaud your courage to break out of the original literary mold and try something different!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Laurie Gonda wrote 915 days ago

I always peruse the site looking for unique work and I found the pitch intriguing. Anything in the erotica genre is not my thing, so I rarely look twice in that case. Here, I just found the components of the story interesting enough to take a peek. I'm not qualified to really critique in a very helpful manner, especially on the genre, so I will simply say this has potential, hopefully you will get some good input from other experienced writers. Best of luck.

T.L Tyson wrote 925 days ago

When I read your pitch I said, huh? Really? What is going on here?
I noticed the tags of Religious and Erotica, well I have simply never seen those two together. Under normal circumstances I don't read erotica but wanted to take a gander to first, A. figure out what the pitches are trying to tell me and B. See how the religious erotica works.
Neither or my questions were answered.
I suppose I could simply be a dolt but this is over my head. That is not to say there is not some grand writing involved. No you certainly have a way with words. But this was simply too meandering, too repeatitive and after three chapters I still have no idea as to what is the central theme.
*insert apologetic expression here*
Hopefully another of the authonomites can help you with their crit. For I fear I am no help at all.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Francis Albert McGrath wrote 927 days ago

Marc
I have read the Dostoyevsky works you refer to and I am puzzled as to how they connect with this apart from the names and the variations thereon. I find this surreal, avant-garde... It reminds me of John Ashbery's poetry. You think you're there and find you're not, while still enjoying the music.
Frank

paxie wrote 928 days ago

Marc
Borrowing:-
writers, write, writing, written........Found it a bit repetitive, perpahs you could replace one or two with.....
compose, create, note.....??

Overture
Read the opening deleting the following words.
now
And
at the curb
and
now.

Those are the words I found myself skimming over.......

Haunted by the Ghost of Yahwah
I leapt forward, even reading out of context I could see the plot was well under way....Your dialogue was snappy, and engaging...with the perfect balance of narration.

I liked this.....

Shelved.

Marc Delalangue wrote 929 days ago

Happy to have found another from PA. I'm in East Coventry.
Hm, I wonder if the explanation should be your last chapter on Auth, but then you'd probably end up with folks telling you how you ripped so and so off...maybe could put a note in your pitch about the last chapter being an explanation of your homage?
I am very interested however at the use of all of those items. Exciting!

maybe I missed it? Where is Middletown? Somewhere in the south? With the accent/phrasing it reads like it would be but not certain.

Best of luck with this.
-=Bradley



THanks for the read. You guessed just right. "Note on Borrowings" should go last but I was afraid I'd be booted for plagerism if I wasn't up front with it. When the novel is completely posted, I'll move it to the end. Middletown a lightly veiled Lexington, KY.

Thanks for taking a look, hope I'll keep you entertained,

Marc

Bradley Wind wrote 929 days ago

Happy to have found another from PA. I'm in East Coventry.
Hm, I wonder if the explanation should be your last chapter on Auth, but then you'd probably end up with folks telling you how you ripped so and so off...maybe could put a note in your pitch about the last chapter being an explanation of your homage?
I am very interested however at the use of all of those items. Exciting!

maybe I missed it? Where is Middletown? Somewhere in the south? With the accent/phrasing it reads like it would be but not certain.

Best of luck with this.
-=Bradley

Marc Delalangue wrote 936 days ago

The Story of E

Hi Marc,

What an interesting idea and what a great writing talent you have. The stuff at the beginning about your influences and your homages, my bet is that we need that at the end. Let's plough straight in shall we, the prose and the situation are delicious and we are introduced to some interesting and quirky characters very early. You have a fresh and strident turn of phrase, a confidence with metaphor and simile which are impressive and a bubbling narrative that pushes us on. Philosophical undertones throughout, but basically a living, breathing biography as well, told by a warm-hearted narrator, never too intrusive, always helpful, always able to pitch us into the scene. A fluid and easy to read style, reminded me of John Irving in it chattiness, in its take on the real world, you don't hang around to overdescribe stuff, you push on and we have to keep up. Great writing, I would drop the little segments that are 1 and 2 on Authonomy, merge them with the first chapter proper. Unsure why you have such lukewarm comments below, I really liked this, different, good style, interesting idea, backing it. If you have the time to peek at my book you have no idea how completely helpful that would be.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)



Ah! So this is how to respond specically! I'll learn this sites in and outs yet.

At any rate, yes, "Note on Borrowings" belongs at the end but I was afraid I'd be barred from the site for plagerism if I didn't announce my swipes up front, so I confessed before rather than after the fact.

Ideally, there would be a title page, then a page with just the epigram all by itself, alone in the middle, then you'd turn the page and at the head of the first page would be "Muted Tunings" with "Overture beginning immediately under it. But given sight formatting limitations, this way of presenting the chapters seemed best.

That business taken care of, let me just say thank you for the warm response you've given the book. It's reassuring to discover there are readers out there for him this strikes a resonant chord and who can engage with it. I'll certainly take a look.

Thanks again,

Marc

Shadowtales wrote 937 days ago

Annoying....sorry! Didn't even get to the end of the first chapter. There may well be some great writing in here, but there is absolutely no hook to draw the reader in. Take the red pen, carve away the wadding and give your readers a story.
Remember, just my opinion....don't take anything another writer says about your work to heart.

Andrew W. wrote 937 days ago

The Story of E

Hi Marc,

What an interesting idea and what a great writing talent you have. The stuff at the beginning about your influences and your homages, my bet is that we need that at the end. Let's plough straight in shall we, the prose and the situation are delicious and we are introduced to some interesting and quirky characters very early. You have a fresh and strident turn of phrase, a confidence with metaphor and simile which are impressive and a bubbling narrative that pushes us on. Philosophical undertones throughout, but basically a living, breathing biography as well, told by a warm-hearted narrator, never too intrusive, always helpful, always able to pitch us into the scene. A fluid and easy to read style, reminded me of John Irving in it chattiness, in its take on the real world, you don't hang around to overdescribe stuff, you push on and we have to keep up. Great writing, I would drop the little segments that are 1 and 2 on Authonomy, merge them with the first chapter proper. Unsure why you have such lukewarm comments below, I really liked this, different, good style, interesting idea, backing it. If you have the time to peek at my book you have no idea how completely helpful that would be.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

TheLoriC wrote 937 days ago

Good pitch, but work on the narrative voice a little more. The story idea is a good one, and I am shelving this for its promise.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

JanB wrote 937 days ago

Flicked through chapter 10
From this one chapter, it didn't grab my interest (this is what I do in a bookshop)
I was taken in by the pitch, so will leave it on my shelf for a while, and try to read more.

Jan B
Table for One

AlleJo wrote 938 days ago

Very clever and creative, and I very much enjoyed parts of this,
but I couldn't find a narrative thread to follow and engage with,
and found the characters distant without a point of view.

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