Catching Bullets

Hi Nicole (Catching Bullets)
As you would expect it was the title that caught my eye and I'm glad it did. A well written story and although incomplete I have a fair notion where it's going. I'm BACKING it and it goes on my bookshelf now. Good luck with your writing in the future.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Well done Nicole! I'm glad that you put the characters names above each section, otherwise I think that I might have got muddled being introduced to so many so quickly. I hope that you're going to continue writing as you have a good way with words. I am going to back you.
Lizilev

Hi Nicole, The inner turmoil and fear is well-expressed. Then it seems as if it’s because of the fire dream. Yet it seems that Ann is still upset so I’m not sure if the turmoil preceded the dream. The action writing in the dream had good pace and it involves. An intriguing start! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Dear NIcole
Well I started this book also ( like a few other today) a while ago and have now finished, though you have not. The cover is really good and the pitches are the thing that just grabbed me and would not let me go. Your book is totally original and characters that pop into the head and wont leave. CONGRATS.
BACKED for sure by me
I do hope you review my book, please comment and if you feel, back it.
Thanks and BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR BOOK
Denise
The Letter

Dear Nicole, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
Here is the response I received from authonomy concerning backing:
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved."

Dear Nicole, I love that your opening tells what is in the future & then back to now - that was really good. Intriguing story of these kids as they strive to solve their way. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

CATCHING BULLETS
This is a good teen story (altho the title seems a little ominous for that audience). I like the way you put the character’s name before the segment about them. Otherwise, introducing so many characters at once could be confusing. I think teenagers are going to relate to your characters and want to read this. Should provide a waiting audience for you. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Nicole,

Nice story well told. Some of the scenes cut a little abrubtly for my taste, but the narrative has an authentic teen feel. This is the sort of thing I could see my daughter--she's seventeen--reading, so I'm happy to give it a spin on my shelf.

This has a wonderfully clear narrative voice and an excellent tone that fits the market you're targeting perfectly. The opening sections draw the readers in, and every following page delivers. Watch out for commas, particularly around direct address "Come on[,] Ann." Other than that, this is strong writing.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Great great story

backed

Nicole, good job on that first chapter. Some readers might think that "I" is slightly overused. Others like myself are okay with it.

Happy to back the potential of your story.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

This is the perfect read for young adults! You have a real gift for dialogue and down to earth prose! Wonderful so far and so easy to BACK this book! Ill return to read more!

Liz
The Cheech Room

This is good stuff. You developed your characters really well and the premise is extremely intriguing. Your writing is well done, too. Backed!

Kristin
Demon in the Knight

Nicole,
The voice is clear, a fitting tone for the YA audience.
I like the short pitch but I don't think the long pitch does this work proper justice.
Good luck,
MickR - The Nightcrawler

Great writing for someone so young.

Editing is always an ongoing process, very best of luck with it.

Happily shelved

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Hi Nicole, you have a very strong opening chapter here. Left plenty of questions dangling - page turner.
Backed with pleasure
Sue
A Boy Called George (please take a look if you have time I am about to be booted off the desk )

Very good opening and drew me in.
Old for your years I think, but the story is authentic. I had the uncanny feeling that your oitch was qrittwen by an older soul!

Enjoyed and backed!

Very good story and with good dialogue. will be even better with an edit, as Pia says.

Backed.

Andy (Fortitude; Indifference)

Nicole,

After Sunrise - lovely title. This is quite lovely, a unique voice coming through, an unusual story, too. Keep polishing the text, like a sculpure, it's well worth it. Backed. All the best.

Pia (Course of Mirror)

This starts off well with some good dialogue. An intriguing premise and I'm interested to see what's going to happen next. Watchlisted

To be honest, the prologue thing did nothing for me me. It was stale and matter-of-fact with too much he, she sentences and too many physical descriptions. I get what it was trying to do but I think it missed its mark. Moving on, the first chapter is much more enjoyable. It is full of dialogue that is engaging and unforced and it flows well. I think you capture the first person voice here very well and it is much tighter than the prologue.
Still I would watched the personal pronouns, more tell than show. But I think for the most part the second and third chapters really is where thsi starts to take off. It is almost as though you find your grove and work well with it. The prologue threw me off but the rest flies.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

the title and the short pitch are very catchy.

I skipped prologue (not personal I always skip prologues)

the style is easy and the story flows well. I quite like the idea of the story so I back this.
good luck
Tamara

Fresh...
coming back for more

Hi Nicole
I read the first three chapters of the book. Firstly on the whole this is a fresh and interesting story and your dialogue is good and believable. The prologue didn't really do anything for me if I'm honest. It didn't grab me, your opening in chapter one is much more attention grabbing. I'd zoop up the prologue or ditch it, chapter 1 is strong enough without it. This definately has bag loads of potential. Backed with pleasure. The very best of luck with it.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

After Sunrise [second version] is an interesting variation on the classic 'coming of age and discovering special powers' sci-fi/ fantasy storyline. The writing is pitched well for the YA target audience. It is sufficiently different to be distinctive, and to offer plenty of scope for imaginative adventures. I'm happy to back this for the potential.
Some work for the editor, though. The prologue seemed to me rather uninspiring, with staccato sentences telling me things [he took a seat; he had black hair and brown eyes] instead of showing me. I struggled with the dialogue and the impersonal 'first doctor' 'third doctor' tags that made the characters very distant. A three-way dialogue is very hard to pull off - try only two doctors, give them names up front, and let them chat to each other the natural way you have your characters talking in C1 and I think the prologue will flow much better. C1 onwards flows well, so there's no doubt you can write!. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Hi Nicole:
A few little nits: I notice you use the word "just" a lot. It's not needed and weakens the writing. A good idea is if you have the "find word" feature on your processor to look for all those "justs" and see if you can delete them.
I did that and my work read much better.

I didn't even know you could do that, thanks :)

(later)
i just looked at a certain part, and i just never realized how many times i use "just"! It was just a small section too. I'm just so surprised i never just saw it or that just any one of my friends just pointed it out. So, again, thanks for pointing it out... it was a just thing of you to do :)

...

just randomness... but in all seriousness... thanks

Hi Nicole:
I wish I would have stayed serious about my writing at your age. I'd be a lot better by now than I am. I thought you have a very good plot here and you are really working at it. So I'm sure you will be successful. I'm putting it on my shelf because of your plot and your characters. They are both very good.

A few little nits: I notice you use the word "just" a lot. It's not needed and weakens the writing. A good idea is if you have the "find word" feature on your processor to look for all those "justs" and see if you can delete them.
I did that and my work read much better.
One other little thing--in the prologue, speaking about one of the doctors, you state" because of his "lessor food consumption." Sounded a little awkward to me. Could you say "because of eating a lot less while working on project, etc." Just a couple of thoughts for when you go to edit again. And you will. We all do. Again and again. Until it shines. And it will.

Best wishes with this..
Betty K "The Huguenot's Destiny"

Hi nicole, all I can say is congratulations on such great writing for one so young. You have a great premise and interesting pitch here, good writing style and voice, and I reckon if you make the effort to finish this, you'll have a winner for the YA market. Shelved, no problem.

I saw this on my friend Cara's shelf. I know that she has the best taste and can sense a good read so thought I would inspect this for myself. I am so very impressed with this work and it stands out above others in its genre and of people of a similar age. The prologue really builds interest and the first person narrative is really soulful and questioning about her life so that you really do want to read about it. The premise is new and exciting and I have no hesitation in backing this.
Kendall Craig, The Halo (of Delight)

your talent is beyond me. you are so young with so much promise. people well above you in age can't write this good. you're brillant! surely a prodigy. lovely writing. lovely voice. the descriptions of the attire of the doctors was good and detailed. ch 1 Ann was intense. very intense. made me wanna read on and on to figure out what happened. these are nice rewrites and i can see your talent growing. well done. shelved. -Cara