Fingerprints

Well, I am disappointed. I laughed at a number of your witty phrases, such as, “No one took the life out of already-dead people like Mr. Stein did.” Your wordplay on the signs Evie missed was just as funny.
Enjoyed the banter with Mr. Z, and it helped that I enjoyed physics myself. Still haven’t found anything to complain about though. Am slightly more peeved. But I do have to wonder -how in the world does a deaf person talk complex math? I’ve been in deaf meetings, and usually the subject matter is simplified. Some information was simply ignored. Hum…

Ok, Tasmin writes in plain, perfect English (on the chalkboard). It’s very rare for deaf people to write like normal, as most deaf people don’t read our type of books and have serious problems with regular sentence structure. Perhaps you’re trying to keep it simple but I’m a stickler for accuracy. Your dialogue is darned good though. I’m jealous at its realism.

Chapter 2 was electrifying. Damn. Talk about showing and not telling.

Chapter 3. Hum. MY biggest problem with fantasy is the classic, ridiculous amazon super power woman from ________ with the magical sword. Arghhhhh. Nobody writes Lord of the Rings anymore – the type of fantasy that starts very real and sneaks in, grabbing you before your realize it, and leading you, like a snagged fish, into the unavoidable world where you will eventually believe anything because the writing is so darn good. Nobody that is, until now.

I have to say that out of all the books I’ve read in authonomy, yours is by far the very best. WOW. It was excellent. Please pursue other publishing avenues, and tell me when it’s published. I will definitely buy it.
Paul
We’ve Seen the Enemy

RC-

This is an absolutely fantastic story!

You've struck a wonderful balance between the science and technology of this new, fascinating world you have created and the human elements that give it personality (e.g.: Apor’s jealousy/the growing trust between Raina and Nico/Raina and Taz’s relationship).

Using cultural references to subtly offset the contrasts between Raina’s new and old worlds is a brilliant device to avoid explaining the differences outright. The dialogue is excellent as is the pacing. There are no useless sentences or tired explanations that bog the reader down. Instead there is meaning in every word.

Your characters are well developed, down to Raina’s delightful sarcasm and wit. Your plot is interesting and different: A new, exciting twist for a SciFi audience.

Overall, your writing is very tight, the pacing is excellent and the dialogue is downright perfect. I cannot wait to read more. This book should be on everyone’s bookshelf (literally and figuratively!)

~Laura

From the first line, I knew I was in the right place. In the pages of a writer who knows what she's doing. I've gotten into the horrible (and unprofessional) habit on this site of using and over-using the word, 'perfect'. But. This is extraordinary stuff. If the novel were 'only' about a marvelous and complex twin-relationship at a group home or orphanage, that would be enough. The way you introduce this relationship - by pivoting it around the performance of Evie, the flawed interpreter - reveals much, with great parsimony. This requires considerable sophistication and skill. The dry wit is priceless - the cause ("because if I entertain myself with sarcasm, I don't have time to cry") speaks volumes. The signed dialogue in itals - not only a reasonable choice, but somehow very aesthetically pleasing. And - never a false note in sentence or paragraph: great sense of style - every line hits the mark and (mixing my metaphors here) moves the story forward. All sorts of little gems: (eg -"but no one took the life out of the already dead like Mr. Stein did"). But - as they say in the American infomercials - 'Wait! There's more!' There's dimensional sci fi - those of us who grew up with A Wrinkle in Time continue to crave this. So. I won't say perfect. But you know what I mean.


Backed with great admiration,
Andrea Levin
(Last Days of the Transitional Objects Institute)

Fair critters review. If I am honest I found chapter 1 and 2, though well written, pretty slow. Chapter 3 when they entered the top layer, suddenly brought the story alive and you have a well realised world that readers will love to explore. I can see the back story about their past is important (being found at 2), but I think there is too much detail on the other kids and school and the group home (when talking about Ryan and handling him, this sounded like an adults knowledge of SN kids). I terms of the incident with Johnathon and his cronies, I can see how this is the catalyst for both their powers to be realised, but I think if this were mine, I would make Johnathon even creepier, and foreshadow his eventual attack more, but condense it all into one chapter - by cutting a lot of the scene setting stuff. Jake

Fair Critter Review
You are my first book to critique for fair critter and I couldn't have asked for a better one. First of all your writing is very polished and your story fascinating. There is very lttle changes I would make.

I would remove your very first dangling sentence in first chapter. It adds nothing to your story, instead it immediately takes the reader out of the story. Remove it. You won't even miss it.

Also in first chapter, I don't think any teacher would call his students aberations, even in jest. Too unsensitive in this PC world.

Why was Evie needed as an interpreter when Raina was there to do it?

Nothing in Chapters 2 and 3, very well done.
Chapter 4 - Tasmin answers Finia directly, without sign language. Did you mean to do that?

That's all I read. From what I read I'd say you are well on your way to being published. My only caveat would be if your plot falters at some point. But I'm betting you have it worked out just fine, so I'm backing your book.
Sandra Davidson - COLD MOON RISING

It's a good job I'm my own boss, I was bloody late for work this morning! Three chapters later & I had lost complete track of time. It can only mean one thing - this is a compelling piece of writing.
I must admit I wasn't really looking forward to reading the Sci-fi f/fantasy bit, it's not a genre I would normally read, but the premise is so cleverly thought out, the characters are interesting and believable. I especially liked the juxtaposition between the twins reflected in the teks & tuits, and Raina's stoicism in her role as protective sister.
Pacey, clever dialogue & highly inventive names & word play: Regents, skimmers, Dol, Squish, Sam - Dimensional Primacy - Wow!

1st Chapter: Only One point for a win in the USA? What do you get for a draw/Tie?

This has been a Fair Critters review.

(RC, apologies for my assumptions in an earlier message, of course it should have read "Please Miss...")

Hi R.C.,

I'm here from the "honest crits" forum. I give no-holds barred criticism, but I also give no-holds barred compliments. I've pulled your novel up in another window and will comment as I read.

not as difficult - should be "so" difficult, you're not comparing.

I immediately wonder: if they can communicate telepathically, why bother interpreting the interpreter? She could just echo the teacher's words to her sister. Oh, I got to the end and came back to change this comment. If she were to parrot the teacher, she wouldn't be able to absorb the information herself?

cliques stalked their territorIES, unless they're all in one territory.

even if her explanation made sense - even though?

When we HAD? arrived at the start of the...

Okay, end of chapter 1. Your characters are engaging (all of them), your dialogue is witty and believeable, you leave unanswered questions to keep the reader wanting to know more, and your writing is top-notch grammatically. I'm going to back this and move on to someone who might need help.

Take care,

JohnB Hmm, I've saved this twice and it went to an "error" page. I'm trying one more time and hope I'm not repeating.

Hi R.C.,

I'm here from the "honest crits" forum. I give no-holds barred criticism, but I also give no-holds barred compliments. I've pulled your novel up in another window and will comment as I read.

not as difficult - should be "so" difficult, you're not comparing.

I immediately wonder: if they can communicate telepathically, why bother interpreting the interpreter? She could just echo the teacher's words to her sister. Oh, I got to the end and came back to change this comment. If she were to parrot the teacher, she wouldn't be able to absorb the information herself?

cliques stalked their territorIES, unless they're all in one territory.

even if her explanation made sense - even though?

When we HAD? arrived at the start of the...

Okay, end of chapter 1. Your characters are engaging (all of them), your dialogue is witty and believeable, you leave unanswered questions to keep the reader wanting to know more, and your writing is top-notch grammatically. I'm going to back this and move on to someone who might need help.

Take care,

JohnB

Hi R.C.,

I'm here from the "honest crits" forum. I give no-holds barred criticism, but I also give no-holds barred compliments. I've pulled your novel up in another window and will comment as I read.

not as difficult - should be "so" difficult, you're not comparing.

I immediately wonder: if they can communicate telepathically, why bother interpreting the interpreter? She could just echo the teacher's words to her sister. Oh, I got to the end and came back to change this comment. If she were to parrot the teacher, she wouldn't be able to absorb the information herself?

cliques stalked their territorIES, unless they're all in one territory.

even if her explanation made sense - even though?

When we HAD? arrived at the start of the...

Okay, end of chapter 1. Your characters are engaging (all of them), your dialogue is witty and believeable, you leave unanswered questions to keep the reader wanting to know more, and your writing is top-notch grammatically. I'm going to back this and move on to someone who might need help.

Take care,

JohnB

Liked the first chapter. Not read further yet, so my suggestion may be in error. Just to suggest that Lareina and Tasmin's 'duel world' clashes need to be heightened to expose the obvious differences, so mear mortals [the readers] who only can inhabit one of these worlds 'feels' the differences. But loved the start, so gladly BACK it.
Would appreciate if you could look at my childrens' book ; Paperbat Adventures - 2nd chapter if you just want a quick taster.
Jerry [paperbat]

I stumbled a bit at the names you've chosen for your characters and it reminded me of a bit of advice I myself received. Though it is natural to choose names that are different (because we want our characters and stories to stand out), choosing names that are too different from what readers are used to creates a block for the reader. It slows them down and might make them question reading further.

Just something to think about...

Hi RC ...

I don't know what to say that has not been said before. This really is a best seller. Good plot and lifelike characters realistic dialogue and a story line that flows well. Why do I keep think of a double Sci-fi 'Alice in Wonderland'.

Well written and brilliantly thought out. 'Backed'. Regards ... Duncan.

Your introduction is totally engrossing and your writing excellent.Your pitch attracted my attention and your story didn't disappoint at all. Laerina is a feisty and likeable main character and I enjoyed the fast pace and excitement that leaves the reader desperate for more. Can't think of any criticisms, constructiive or otherwise, sorry! Backed with pleasure,
Rachel

Impressive. Enough foreshadowing to keep me interested in what's coming next, but not enough to lessen the impact of the exposition. I like it.

RC,

I don't need to tell you how technically proficient this is where it comes to grammar. Normally I find at least a few typos. Not so here. Spotless. And your writing style is clean and the voice flows very nicely, thank you very much.

I thoroughly enjoyed the first chapter. The premise is engaging. Two bright young sisters making the best of the cards life has dealt them. But even for the bad cards they've received--orphans, one with deafness--they're not entirely screwed. These twins were also dealt the Ace of Smarts and the Queen of Strength.

Your talent as a storyteller is evident. You had me under your spell right away.

Two small nits:

The opening with the boring history teacher, that felt a tad cliche. (Some of us like history! And why is it always the history teacher that's boring?) This was made worse by your name choice. Stein. I immediately had Ben Stein, from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, droning on about the Teapot Dome Scandal and Reagan's voodoo economics.

My other concern was that you went deeper into cliche with their fellow classmates all just basically being jerks. True, there was the casual friendship on the soccer field...but.... I don't know.... Not enough. Yes, high school is full of asses and immaturity, but not entirely. Even "genetic aberrations" like these find kindred spirits and kind souls from the first day of class. As I recall, some teens made it their life's mission to befriend those they perceived as downtrodden.

Don't mean to be overly critical. Please know I found this to be wonderful writing--sharp, funny, well observed--and I suspect it only gets better. Just wanted to offer some constructive feedback.

Thanks for the read,

Eric

Clever girl. You've done extremely well with this. Strong characters, action, unusual premise and the dialogue's just right. In Ch 2 the back story is well given via conversation with Alec. One thing, you must have a subject to your first sentence. We don't know what you're referring to and that's a big damper for a strong start. It gets better quickly and most readers would be well into the story by the end of Chapter 1. Your target audience could probably be widened. 14 up, I'd say. Perhaps 13 up, but adults might well enjoy this too. I'm not sure about the fantasy - but it's a popular genre . Just make sure you get your science right. You have the interactions well, and the use of italics for Tamsin works fine.
Lara - I one of the fair critters.
Good for Him
(Rivalry. Home through the eyes of a child in WW2)

Clever girl. You've done extremely well with this. Strong characters, action, unusual premise and the dialogue's just right. In Ch 2 the back story is well given via conversation with Alec. One thing, you must have a subject to your first sentence. We don't know what you're referring to and that's a big damper for a strong start. It gets better quickly and most readers would be well into the story by the end of Chapter 1. Your target audience could probably be widened. 14 up, I'd say. Perhaps 13 up, but adults might well enjoy this too. I'm not sure about the fantasy - but it's a popular genre . Just make sure you get your science right. You have the interactions well, and the use of italics for Tamsin works fine.
Lara - I one of the fair critters.
Good for Him
(Rivalry. Home through the eyes of a child in WW2)

Sorry I never replied to your email. I totally loved it!!

You have a very creative approach to the age-old science versus magic concept, and your characters come alive on paper. Your writing style is easy and relaxed and makes reading your story a pleasure. I like the fact that you've included a person with a disability as one of your protagonists. From what I've read, it's a good example of what an outstanding YA fantasy should be.

R.A. Baker

This is one of the few books I have seen on Authonomy that I would DEFINITELY buy. It's better than a lot of books I have bought. If htis isn't worth publishing I'll eat someone's hat (not mine, if you saw it you'd know why). Shucks, it's one of the few books on here that I will admit is much better than mine. Dammit.

I only had the chance to read part one but it was a powerful chapter and actually blew me away.

Your class room opening is spot on! The twins coin that feeling of excluding all others whilst being a part of everything going on around them- it seems it is only twins who can manage this. Notwithstanding the deafness.

That tiny detail of Elie being useless is priceless and highly effective. This is actually a highly poignant tale.

When she glares at the interpreter? Isn't it strange how the one who loses out can give incredible patience whilst their closest relatives/ friends will explode at the slightest thing "in the other's defence"! Is it the guilt of not being the one who is ill or impaired?

You bring out many questions and emotions in my read and I cannot tell you how powerful the underlying metaphores are.

Excellent.

BACKED without the slightest shadow of a doubt.

It is SO unfair that you are the first on my list. Please don't skewer me. :o

Fair critters Review

Chapter 1
It took me a few paragraphs to get into the flow of the story. The relationship between the twins hooked me though.

There are phrases that I liked:
"...took the life out of already-dead people"
"...we can't all be as remedial as you."
"...Sons of Liberty not Husbands of Freedom"
"How are my favorite biological aberrations?"

one phrase that I had to read a few times to understand (which is ok once in a while)
"...pondering the lecture less idly than usual."

I love the dialog between the sisters about blowing up the planet

You've captured the chaotic environment of a group home very well. It brings back memories.

Chapter 2
It always seems to be in the moment of danger that our latent "powers" manifest, isn't it?
I hope the similar scene in my book isn't as scary. The attack scene is truly disturbing.

Chapter 3

I am so glad that I made stayed with it one more chapter. To be honest, you language describing The DOL or the real world was harsh and stilted. Whether intentional or subconscious it actually made reading this far difficult but once we get to their home world, your own wonder and excitement seeps through your writing and makes the whole experience so much more enjoyable.

I've finished up at chapter four - I love the Concourse world that you have created - you have such an imaginative mind. WOW! Even though I have no clue about any of the science terminology - it only added to the elements of the story and gave it such a dimension that is so fresh and new - this is unlike anything that I have read. I hope it all fares well with the twins, that they can be reunited and save the world from their split apartness and live together in harmony....LOL...just a wonderful story. Sincerley, April

Oh, I hated it for Tasmin - those jerks!!!! But now, I can see what the suspense is all going to work up to. This is so wonderfully written - the characters are alive to me! I'm on the chapter three...too good to wait to give a comment at the very end - I hated though that she wouldn't turn Jonathan and those goons in. I hope that they don't cause a problem in the future. Oh, I also liked the backstory (sad as it was) for the twins - it gives to the mystery. You explain everything soooo descriptively, but not so much so that it becomes too distracting. You use a perfect balance that is smooth as silk! April

I have to stop at one before moving on - this book is amazing. I love the way that you have incorporated deafness - and the twins living in the group home with other students who have disabilities - the dynamic between them all is clearly defined and so real. I'm moving on now to chapter two but just had to stop and make my comments - WOW!!!! I can't wait to see what happens next. I'm reading on - April

Fair Critter Review
Fingerprints

To be honest, I'm not sure what to make of this book. The first two chapters I found very compelling and gritty, and quite moving. You introduce several characters in the group home who seem slated to become major characters.

When they shift to the other dimension, I felt a little bit lost. Everything is so different there, it's a little hard to follow and to identify with what's happening.

Also, once you get to the other dimension, there are many long passages of narration and telling instead of showing. This may be inevitable, given the fact that you are describing an entirely alien world, but I think it slows the book down.

I really like the idea of the two girls signing. It makes for interesting conversations.

This reminded me a lot of A Wrinkle in Time.

The copy is very clean; practically no errors at all.

Here are a few specific suggestions.

Chapter 1

"They'd be wrong." I wonder if this is proper tense here. If you say, "They thought" it seems more proper to say "They were wrong."
"took the life out of already-dead people" great line
"We'd arrived at the math classroom." I wonder if this might be better as "We arrived at the math classroom."
Dimensional layers made me think of string theory--thirteen or fourteen dimensions.
Do they put teenage boys and teenage girls together in group homes? Seems like that could be a problem.

Chapter 2
"and there was talk of" seems like this should mirror the other verb construction in the sentence, "and talking of meeting"
"The girls understood..." you might put this in dialogue
"and getting dressed" might change to "dressing"
"spent a lot of time there" somewhat weak construction
"When she could have said" to "She could have said"

Chapter 3
I wonder if perhaps there is too much narration starting this chapter.
"got caught" might change to "was caught"
"I couldn't see anything" might change to "I saw nothing"
"but that was impossible." might leave that out

Chapter 4
"I had gotten" weak construction, might use "had learned" or another verb
"They didn't seem too different from regular kids" might just say "They were regular kids"
"That was something else..." this is pretty classic telling; you might want to put this into dialogue, or just let readers discover it naturally
"They were supposed to be good..." Again, this might be better in dialogue
"Everyone asked questions and brought up ideas..." might be better to show this happening

Regards,
Kevin Clark
(Will of God)

WOW! I want more. What happens? Do they find their parents? Did a Tek and Tuit mate? Do Taz and Raina go back to the Dol? Do they rescue their parents? Does the other Teks find out about them and try to dissect them?
Each chapter brings the reader along. It put me more in the story than an observer. I found myself in the world, right along side the characters. I could picture everything they saw, felt, imagined.

This truly is a well written story!

You don't need to climb the ladder to the ED, you need an agent! Just beautiful.

I have a ton more questions, but must say, this is some fantastic writing!


Eley

I read this in the context of the "Honest Reviews" forum. As such, I tried to make notes on each chapter. I think that perhaps the greatest praise I can give you is that once I got into chapter 3, I stopped making notes and just clicked from one chapter to the next. I was left with a feeling of sadness when I finished chapter 8 and there was no chapter 9 to click on. I could see it in my mind as I read (I don't know what others experience when they read, but when a book really captures me, it is like I am physically, but invisibly, present - and that is how I experienced this book). It is well written with an intriguing premise.

I only have a couple of comments that might be called "negative".

1) I did find it easy to stop and make notes for the first two chapters and the first part of the third chapter. There was good character development, but I didn't find the characters very interesting in the early chapters. For myself, that is not a big issue. Some of the books that I have enjoyed the most required an effort at the start. But in the modern video game/instant gratification age in which we live, I wonder if this could be a problem with the young adult audience at which the book seems to be aimed. Maybe yes, maybe no. As I am over 50, I'm not sure on that one. My suggestion would be for you to ask yourself if there is a way to get into the "action" closer to the beginning and then use a flashback to fill in some of the character development. A couple of people made a similar suggestion to me for my book. I have uploaded an alternate version of the first chapter for my book so when you review my book and look at both versions of the first chapter, it may give you some ideas.

2) While I feel that your book is very readable for adults, based on the choice of characters I assume that your primary market is young adult. If that is the case, I wonder if some of the quantum physics will be over their heads (I was fascinated - one of my son's just graduated with a Physics major - I may encourage him to take a look at your book). Again, this may not be a problem at all. I'm not well placed to know.

3) I don't know where you are going from here (except that I assume that Raina and Taz, along with their friends, will find a way to rescue their parents from Thresh and discover that one is a Tek and the other a Tuit), but I beg of you not to end the book by revealing that the whole story is a dream that occurred while Lereina was unconscious as a result of being hit on the head in chapter 2.

It is a privilege to back FINGERPRINTS

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

Hi R.C.

Chapters 1, 2 and 3.

I found this a very enjoyable read.

I thought that the first chapter successfully conveyed the complex spectrum of the girls’ lives. Signing, peer relationships, interactions with teachers, the ‘home’ environment. Lots of enjoyable and believable interactions.

The emergence of their abilities is achieved very cleverly in the second chapter and the leap of faith away from danger and into the new dimension was a well-construed transition.

I’d suggest that you might want to consider putting in more drama/tension/buzz at various points:

I didn’t really feel much ‘danger’ in the assault or ‘yayy!’ when Lareina uses her power on Jonathan to end it.

In chapter 3, the girls seemed to accept the new reality very easily – I’d have expected more ‘shell-shock’.

Given the twins’ closeness, I was a little surprised that Tasmin had (been able to) hide the emergence of her ‘peripheral visions’ from Lareina.

My comments are offered as those of a reader rather than a critic – might be useful, might not. Overall, I thought your work thoughtfully-constructed, entertaining and evidencing an engaging storytelling talent.

Noel

This is surprisingly good. At first I didn't understand why your score could be slipping, and then I noticed your profile, and the "don't spam me" bit. Ah. That gets you less attention, but I understand the sentiment. I like to look at books whose scores have slipped a little, because you never know why. This was a pleasant surprise - something really good. I can see now why it's near the top despite you not "playing the game." I hope you go all the way. Backed.

I looked at dozens of 'books' on here over the weekend and yours is the only one I am still thinking about the next day.
While I share some of the other commenter's feelings about Tasmin's English ability, I know some deaf people who have managed this and I think if it were done any other way it would distance the reader from her character.
I love the relationship between the sisters and Lareina's witty take on the world(s) around her. Their background was introduced well at an appropriate time and we were given just enough of a glimpse of their life in the Dol before we were dragged across the dimensions with them.
You clearly know what's going on in your world and make the impossible effortlessly real. The only thing that disappointed me about it was the they way they "got over" her deafness.
Can't wait to find out what happens next, so please post more!

Hi R.C., A very realistic story about the unfortunate, the deaf. You are very descriptive. I BACK your book! Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

Great pitch, catchy cover.This story reaps the myht about the connection between twins and sets exploring it in a new way by moving between dimensions and pitting them against two societies that want to claim them as separate entities and use them for their own ends. By separating them, you focus each girl in their own spotlight and give them an arc in which they flourish. Backed with pleasure.

Hi,
Thought I would take a browse of your book though you are not in my FC group. I enjoyed the first few chapters. Your writing is good, to the point and flows nicely. Reina is a nice MC with a wicked sense of humour. I like that Tasmin is deaf, it adds an extra element to her character that makes the reader sympathize with her. And you have captured her disability well. Good luck with this.
cheers
Megan

Your vivid imagination coupled with your highly descriptive writing style makes this finely crafted fantasy a pleasure to read. I really like how you sprinkle a touch of humour throught your book. Your work is well paced, well written and your use of imagery is excellent. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Your sisters are believable. I like how you describe their communication wtih each other and the interaction with the world, it's like they're a tiny secret club all on their own. Even though I've never been in a relationship like this, I believe you and you make me want to know more about them. Nicely done.

My criteria for backing a book is simple: I must believe it’s written on a professional level, and either ready, or close to ready for submission and acceptance.

This story is the first I’ve read here that not only drew me to turning to chapter two, it was the first that impelled me to read all of what was posted.

Well done.

I'm still reading your book. I went off reading for a bit and started again. I've re-read your chapter 1 and half of chapter 2. I don't have a lot of time right now but I thought I'd let you know I like your work. I haven't read a deaf character 'talking' in a novel before, and I'm glad I am now. There are so many possibilities for dialogue here, and you're using it to the max. I'll keep reading for the pleasure of it because I don't really see anything that stands out as a problem. I like strong female MCs and this is a book that has one. There is much to compliment in your work, and I look forward to reading further. Q

I like your premise a lot, and you handle it well, particularly your dialogue. Happy to back this for you.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

I love your heroines here. So many times, people use the whole twins angle but this is definitely something unique and interesting. I love that the girls can communicate with slight facial movements and of course, in the sign language that no one else can read. This alone gives an air of intrigue to the story and whatever they're in store for. Moments of humor, good characterization and insights into developing relationships and of course, excellent writing. Love the science and math themes and explorations; with your talent, I'm quite sure you'll be dealing with these on a meaningful level. Certainly polished writing, a great story and characters that I think even a YA market would go crazy for. Excellent job.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

When I wrote earlier i had the impression the complete book was available.
I've just finished Chapter 8 and am gasping for more.
You should consider uploading more of this marvellous work
Congrats again
Micheal O'Durcain
Murder on the menu

This is an exceptionally well presented story.
everything about it is new and interesting to this reader
The writing is clear the story line first class the characters well defined
the premise promises a first class read.
Congratulations; you deserve to succeed in this competitive environment
Backed with real pleasure
Micheal O'Durcain
Murder on the Menu

Dear RC, I love that your story is about twins because I'm a twin - yes, there is vast differences, as you denote in your story - too bad I didn't have the power that was in your story, though. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every "backing" you do moves your book & the other person's book closer to the top. :)

The more I read the better it gets. Fresh and original.

Fair Crits Review.

Fascinating and very well written. Had read the first three chapters before I knew it. Great story, you have to get published - definitely backed.

Mike

I will come back to comment more later, but I have to say that this is fantastic! I loved the dynamic between the girls, and I found it very believable. I have twin sisters and twin cousins, and they are very close, connected even, and they seem to instinctively know what the other is thinking. This is written flawlessly. It is stunning and well-conceived. I find no faults. I will be back to read the rest.

Jessica L. Degarmo
How to Meet a Guy at the Food Lion

Hi R. C.,
I was skimming through the top 200-rated books today looking for any I hadn't read that might interest me and came across yours. I usually stay clear of fantasy because the pitches turn me off--descriptions like: "When Mingus is threatened with extinction by the powerful Kwalock Consortium, he discovers an unknown magic within. But will his use of Kwanesaki save the kingdom of Prunish and win him the heart of the beautiful Fleetrider Winderlee or will he learn things about himself that are too much to bear?" That sort of thing.

The word in your pitch that drew me to read Fingerprints was "dormant." OK, I am now looking at a book with perspective and an author with a penchant for picking accurate, down-to-earth descriptors. So I read on. Glad I did.

The first three chapters were brilliant! The writing is sharp and the characters complete, engaging and vivid. Though the situation is a bit melodramatic (very good guys and very bad), Lareina and Tasmin's school and group-home worlds are set down in such detail and the action directed with such tension that I felt I was there. The incidents leading to the dimensional transport are described so naturally and with so much skill that I am willing to suspend credibility and move into this new world. Alice fell down the rabbit hole. Ok, let's see what she finds.

At this point things got a little too complicated for my tastes. I like the dichotomy of Tek vs. Tuit, and I love the dilemma of these closely-attached twins falling into different worlds that suit them but separate them and trying to build a bridge across the gulf. But could you make things simpler? The conception of Skimmers and Crashes and Flecks and Wolves and Foxes, etc. seems a bit like building a Ptolomeic model of the universe. Couldn't Lareina just get separated from Tasmin and face more "this-worldly" conflicts in trying to reunite with her? I suppose this is the unimaginative side of me talking that sets me apart from much fantasy, but that is what I would like to see.

Anyway, the concepts behind this book are brilliant, as is the writing and characterization. I can't help but back it.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

This is great work. I read every single chapter with apprehension and intrigue. You've built the dimensional theory's exceptionally well. Reiner and Taz are brilliant characters who I already feel connected to. I'm a fantasy buff so I am always that much more sceptical of fantasy stories, as they can be a little samey, magic, good vs. evil etc... I have to say though, that is insignificant with the unique dimensional worlds you have created. The Course and it's split way of life, (The Teks and the Tuits) is unique and imaginative. You deliver it seemlessly in your writing, and the reader feels automatically comfortable with the confusing fact. Even though the scientific language you use isn't generally understandable, I don't think it's supposed to be. It just defines the difference between the science and the magic. I definately got the sense that there were two worlds in one. Both equal, yet different, but just as important.

The only nitpicks I found, and I am no expert writer myself so this is only meant as an observation. You say in chapter 3 that Reiner and Taz step onto a red transporter, but they come off on a purple one.
You've also said that Reiner didn't see Taz for a week at the end of chapter 3. Yet it's nearly two until she does see her again. I may just be reading it incorrectly, but this was the impression I got.

Nevertheless, I would be delighted if you could let me know when you have a publisher for this book. I am hooked and ready to buy it!

Bravo.

Jodi.
x-Evalesco-x

I love the premise that connects deafness, signing, and fantasy. As a school teacher, I also admire the opening description of the boring teacher. An excellent means of establishing credibility for the characters.

I'm looking forward to reading more but have read enough to back.

I've been a part of authonomy for two days. Hopefully, you'll get a chance to check out my fantasy novel.
Tom Kepler
The Stone Dragon

I know I backed this a long time ago and apologise for it taking so long to writing some comments. The fact is, I think this is quite simply one of the strongest stories on Authonomy. It is so rich with mystery andin trigue. Your prose is stunning and I can see you are a master storyteller. There are many excellent writers on the site, yet considerably fewer great storytellers. I was hooked from page one of this book and happily read up until chapter five. I noticed you haven't ticked the YA genre. Personally, I think this is an extremely strong YA novel.
Happily backed again
Carl
The Time Hunters

I have to assume that this is teen fiction so perhaps I shouldn't be too picky. (That's going to get me in trouble straight away!) This began well, although first-person narrative makes for a tricky structure. Firstly, from the beginning, we know the main protagonist is alive and still able to speak, at least. Ways to inject tension include having the testimony found as a document, a diary perhaps or having the prologue make clear that the narrator is still in trouble. Secondly, it limits the point of view to which the reader can be privy. All events either need to be observed by the narrator or - and this is where the problems really start, related by a third party. This makes (as in your chapter 3) an uncomfortable read. And when the third party is confused as well, the whole thing becomes very messy. Thirdly, other characters' actions and motivation are perforce always going to be rendered unclear and fourthly, we are limited by the narrator's intellect. In Dickens' and Austen, we can trust the narrators because they reflect the mores of the time and the interest comes from their reflections on the nature and quirks of their characters. The only story I can think of from recent times where first-person narrative is essential and perfectly handled is "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time". If you're committed to it, try and think about ways of making it an important factor in your story and you should avoid some of the more clunky plot devices. All this said, the story is intriguing and has potential and, of it's genre, seems to tick most of the boxes. Not my cup tea, though, fantasy. Too easy to get characters out of trouble.
Best wishes and the very best of luck.
Russell Cruse.

Hi R.C.,
I like to do my reviews by typing notes as I go along and, because of that, it may seem a little disjointed. Hopefully, it may help to see what my thoughts are throughout and how they develop. Remember, one person’s comments are just an opinion. Wait until you’ve had a comment a few times before considering it an issue.

Chapter 1

“life out of already-dead people” – Nice

I like your opening paragraph. It says a lot about Mr Stein’s character, but the voice says a lot about the main character.

“mis-signed, misrepresented, or missed altogether” – Nice rhythm

I like the use of the tag “signed”, but I don’t think it should be followed with “sighed” as the next tag/action. They’re too similar and I misread it the first time.

“drama freaks made every moment look and sound like an audition for Shakespeare” – I think this part of the sentence is too long. It loses the flow a little. How about:

“Cheerleaders flirted with jocks, drama freaks over-gestured in their fake Shakespearean accents and the in-between “normal” kids simply laughed and had a good time.”

I really have a sense of the main character’s age. The inner thoughts are very “sixteen” – “where I kept secrets even from my sister”

“Speaking of the unexplained,” – I don’t like this link. It seems a little too convenient, almost sloppy. Perhaps you should at least use the word “unexplained” in the previous paragraph so it makes a little more sense. Better to find another way to bring the action back – the munching sound perhaps?

“I waved in her line-of-sight.” Another nice relevant action. I like it.

I’m glad Jonathan arrived when he did. You were beginning to lose me a little. Although I cannot see where this could be tightened up. Maybe you could get rid of the line “As well as I knew my sister, I didn’t entirely understand what it was like to be her, to be deaf in a hearing world.” See how that reads.

“I was ready to interpret so Tasmin wouldn’t be lost” – Wouldn’t she be able to lip-read even a little?

“we arrived at the start of the school year over a month ago,” – There’s too much information here crammed in for my liking. It doesn’t flow. How about something along the lines of “We’d been at this school for over a month now and…”?

“your parents signed the waiver” – I don’t understand want this means in this context. Is it American slang?

“I’m afraid we can’t all be as remedial as you” – Ooh, snap!

“He didn’t lecture – he explored” – Nice.

I like how the main character twin is over-protective over Tamsin. But, I’m a little frustrated that by the football practice, I still cannot remember her name. I know it has been used a couple of times, it starts with an “L” and is hard to pronounce, but that’s it. Perhaps you can give her a nickname, or Sophie can mention it again during practice.

“Don’t forget, we’re not the juvies. We’re just a couple of kids who weren’t eligible for adoption until we were past our ‘cute puppy’ phase.” – This came as a bit of a shock. I know Jonathan asked what they were “in for”, which I found confusing until I read this. So they’re foster-kids? I think a hint could be dropped earlier that they don’t have any parents (if it’s not already, I might have missed it.). This is important because it explains why the main character is so protective over her sister. Especially if there was abuse in the other foster household.

Once I got through the description about their situation in the foster home, I can see that once again you have a lush range of characters.

If Ben “functions more like a six- or seven-year-old”, perhaps you could alter his speech pattern slightly. I think you could remove “There you are” and just have “Quoy’s mad.” Ryan’s words are very believable on the other hand.


Chapter 2

“one-point victory” – should this be one-goal victory if they’re playing football/soccer?

“Our “housemate” had offered to drive us home.” – Lol, yeah – a bad reality show for “crazy kids”.

The attack on Tamsin is well written. It gives an adequate sense of horror without the need for graphic detail.

“whose hands made tiny motions like she was whispering to herself.” - Nice

I like the introduction of the backstory here. It brings together all the elements from the previous chapter and also hints at the inter-dimensional aspect form your premise.

Given that Lareina (I get it now!) asks Alec about his past, can I assume he is to play a bigger role in the novel? If so, I think it needs to have more presence in Pauline’s house earlier on. A lot of emphasis was placed on the younger kids and Alec just blended into the background.

“My first foster family was really good” – shouldn’t it be “were really good”?

“So, you’re busting out in a couple of months, staying with those guys, Gavin and Taylor, right?” – I don’t like it when characters ask each other questions that they both know the answer to. It reeks of “Here’s some side information for the reader’s benefit”. This could be quite easily slipped in elsewhere.

You have Tamsin saying, “Like – I don’t know, they’re all different.” – Remember she’s signing, so would she use common-fill-words (such as “like”), in the same way a hearing character would.

I love how you can say so much about a character in so few words (ie, the physics teacher). Your characters are well formed, despite the fact you use very little physical descriptions throughout.

I also love the subtle nerdiness of it all. It made me smile because I know you are a teacher and I was always the geeky kid.

On the downside, your dialogue is a little forced in places but this is easily fixable. After the attack, you need to ask yourself if you really need lines such as:
“‘How do you mean? How are they weird or impossible?’”
“‘Like what? People we know, like memories?’”
“‘What did you see that was so interesting?’”
These aren’t necessary and it may work better if Tamsin churns out her verbal (or gesture-al) diarrhoea on her own with being unnecessary prompted (or badgered!).

The pace is fine. I understand it needs to be linear to first understand how mean Jonathan and his friends are before they attack. And also to understand how smart these girls are the special relationship they have to each other.

I would just like to perhaps see things moving a little quicker in that respect. Has Laz (MY new name for her. Laz and Taz, lol) ever had any strange electric shocks in the past? Did Taz ever have her eyes tested because she was seeing spots as a child? Having these specific incidents to refer back to would work better than just an internal sense of something-isn’t-right. It’ll give the characters and the plot another dimension, especially since their past is already so shady.

Despite this, I did enjoy reading Footprints and good luck with it. I hope all of the comments made make sense (even if you don’t agree with them).

Hanna Butler
The New Town

This read is crisp and alive. The narrator is smart and three dimensional, but it’s more than that. Characters in this book are out of the ordinary. While it’s a school setting, the narrator and another student are identical twins. As a reader, you’ve captured my attention.

You’ve captured every teachers’ nightmare - ‘Some historical topics were interesting enough, but no one took the life out of already-dead people like Mr. Stein did.’
Character descriptions are difficult to pull off, but your’s is unique when it refers to the length of toes. Refreshing.

The other twin is deaf, so an interpreter is assigned to class, which provides opportunities for dry humor. ‘the Whigs call themselves the Sons of Liberty, not the Husbands of Freedom’

This book appears to be publisher ready. The only glitch is a ‘Should’ that’s in the middle of an italicized sentence and the ‘Should’ isn’t.

The pace, the characters, the plot, the possibilities are reminiscent of the classic, “A Wrinkle in Time,” but written for a YA audience.

Get the pen ready. Agents will be clamoring for this book.

Best of luck on Autonomy ~ Toby