Book Jacket

 

rank 3845
word count 10460
date submitted 01.11.2009
date updated 01.11.2009
genres: Fiction, Romance, Historical Fictio...
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Medallion - Book One - The Prophecy

Sunni Morris

This is the first book in a medieval fantasy series. The story follows the lives of two sisters seperated as children.

 

This medieval fantasy follows the lives of Alana and Anwen, two sisters who enjoy their peaceful lives until raiders attack. The hamlet burned to the ground, their parents murdered, the girls are left to survive alone. The only object Anwen could rescue is a mysterious medallion which once belonged to a wizard. Raiders capture, rape and enslave Alana, ultimately selling her to another criminal. Sick and broken she finally escapes and ends up at an inn where she begins to see a glimmer of hope for a better future. Anwen struggles to her grandmother’s village where she is trained in the healing arts. Tormented by visions of her sister in the hands of the raiders, she begins to suspect the medallion has powers that will help her find Alana. The Medallion’s characters face their challenges with determination and courage. Will Anwen discover the secret behind the Medallion? Will Alana find a better life? Will the sisters be reunited? This historical fantasy of human courage in the middle ages focuses on a fascinating time in history due to upheaval that can change things in an instant. Adult fans will enjoy this story about strength and ingenuity of women from ancient times.

 
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tags

, ancient britain, bandits, descriptive, faeries, fantasy, fiction, goddess, healers, historical fantasy, historical fiction, mafic, magic, medicine w...

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2 comments

 

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J.L.McMahon wrote 290 days ago

A wonderful beginning. I'm excited to read more!

Kim Jewell wrote 730 days ago

Hi Sunni!

Your voice in this piece is steeped in a rich, historical feel - seems very authentic for this fantasy story you are writing. I'm making notes as I go, so bear with me...

Your pitch - very well written. It gives a good overview of the plotline, introduces your main characters - sisters Anwen and Alana, and hints at the struggles they will endure throughout the first part of this series. Couple of suggestions - first, in your short pitch - "seperated" is spelled wrong (separated). Your use of "medallion" varies in the long pitch from capitalized and non-caps. Since you use it as lower case in the book, I believe you should be consistent about this - except in the case where you state "The Medallion's characters..." where you are referencing the book title. Finally, I would suggest you section your pitch into multiple paragraphs. It will make the material easier to digest, especially for the younger readers.

Into to the story... At first I was a bit puzzled by your use of present tense. It just seemed out of the ordinary to me, and perhaps it struck me as odd because this is clearly meant to be a historical/medieval story, hence in the past. It's totally your call, but if you do decide to keep the present tense in the beginning, you'll want to look at paragraphs 9/10/13 where there are instances of past tense verbs: struggled/wrestled/shattered/frolicked/signaled/has made... I have to tell you though, once you started using the past tense in chapter three, when Cathbad starts his tale, the words read a whole lot easier for me. For what it's worth.

Chapter one starts off with a bang, Glynis's startling wake from the dream. The feel of this as she talks to her maidens is dark and foreboding - I'm easily hooked into the mystery of this very early on. Well done! In paragraph 5 of chapter one, "maidens" does not need the apostrophe - it is not a possessive noun. Nice hook at the end of chapter one with the mention of the prophecy.

Chapter two is short and sweet and a nice seque into the tale of the sisters. Your descriptions are thorough and well done - I could easily imagine Cathbad in my head - perfect for the young audience! Chapter three is where I really felt everything ramp up for me. The mystery of the medallion and the wizard who appears (and disappears) out of nowhere. Take a look at paragraph 21 where Candor calls Enid "My lady" - should Lady be in caps? It was earlier in the story, but I don't know if it was a royalty thing or not.

I'm loving where this story is going, and this seems to be a great start to a fantasy novel - a trend that is very hot among young readers right now. Very colorful descriptions lends themselves well to seeing this on the big screen. Other than the few things I noted above, this seems very polished, well done. I'm happy to back this and help it along!

Kim
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