Ancient Warriors

A quirky comedic journey filled with surprises. Fizzy. Fun. Credible, lively characters. Crisp dialogue. Spot on storytelling. Inventive storyline. Hilarious wit. An infectious read. Backed.

Eric. Well what can one say after reading the first 4 chapters! It is certainly different. Fun characters [gradually being developed] and very amusing takes on different socail situations in the very different world of Shudalandia. Possible give each chapter fun titles!
All the best. BACKED.

I would be appreciative if you might read some of my childrens' book 'Adventures of the Paperbats'.

Jerry [paperbat]

Ancient Warriors is delightfully imaginative and has great appeal to readers of the fantasy genre. Backed.

OK what do we have here?
I started reading expecting the usual sword and sorcery mix to find a tongue in the cheek approach that was refreshing and enchanting. The problem is what audience are you aiming this at?
I backed you because I felt your pitch promised so much, and as I read on I was entranced by your sense of humour. The silly names whom you have given your people and the contrived dialogue, I thought this must be a send up.
Ok then that is fine, but I feel you should warn your readers what to expect because many will turn away before they can read deeper and find that you have a wonderfully light touch and a good story to tell.

I also felt that the short chapters added to the feeling that this is a lightweight read. In most fantasy books all the first three chapters would be written as one that introduced your heroes and set the scene.
I got to chapter 4 and was still waiting for the protagonist Merrilina to appear.

These thoughts are given not to ask you to change anything as I find this book so refreshing, Conan is back,
All the best with it and well done.
Ray Jones. The Chosen.

You have crafted a most interesting and highly entertaining, action packed adventure fantasy. Your work is character rich and you do an excellent job in building the characters of Grant and Amara. The dialogue is crisp and flows well and your imaginative writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I'm not a fan of fantasy novels so I read this with a jaundiced eye only to be suprised that the humour lifted the story into my sphere. Your paragraphs are well spaced - not too long and the narrative flows. You have not tried to be too clever with the dialogue and have placed it well by keeping it real. good luck - backed k.j.

Wouldn't it be great to take a long sleep, like hibernation, and then be reanimated or reawakened? That is just a great theme and wonderfully creative concept! Nice job!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe
Would you consider backing MEMORIES OF GLORY? I thank you for taking a look.

Well, poor Gant , from the minute he comes round from his hangover the excitement never stops. An excellent send-up, especially Whatha and her chanting, man-chastising accomplices . I also like the word 'feckling'. There's some excellent writing here, vivid and sometimes beautiful but it's the comic characters that are refreshing. Fantasy for sophisticated grown-ups. Backed. Lynn

This has the promise of being a really good adventure with great characters and strong descriptive voice. Well Done & Backed

Way different from my normal read, but good writing is good writing! I love the way you use all the senses to help anchor the reader in the world you have created. Backed with pleasure.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

…a mighty Silverdeath hung across his back. Good description.
A brilliant flash etched his shadow into the wall. Strong, evocative image.

Nitpicks:
…the stone floor soothing into his back. Not sure what this is mean to convey.
The thick green drink didn’t taste strong, the daylight streaming through the window looked wrong, it looked… I think you’re trying to convey here that the drink tasted ok, but everything else looked odd. This is just my opinion, but the sentence needs restructuring. Eg: The thick green drink tasted fine, but the daylight, streaming through the window, suddenly looked wrong, it looked…
Repetition: He (had) to get out and find out what (had) happened. You don’t need the 2nd “had.”
Repetition: The ceilings arched gracefully from the pillars…and in the alcoves between(the pillars)… you don’t need the 2nd “pillars”, where else would the alcoves be?
…every muscle in her powerful body shake. Do muscles shake? Perhaps quiver instead.
…her look of (surprise) hardened…her angry stare… Contradiction. Can one look surprised, hard and angry all at the same time?
The Serenian reacted instantly, pressed her back to the wall and dropping into a crouch… With her back up against the wall, would she be able to drop into a crouch?

This opening chapter promises a very good read. The touches of humour were well done, as was the characterisation. There are some inconsistencies in the dialogue and narrative, but nothing major, and remember, they’re just my opinion. Good luck with this. Backed.

Cool! Fantasy and comedy in equal measure, and both very well done. I found this highly imaginative, well described, fast paced and a lot of fun to read. The only time I wasn’t grinning was when I was actually laughing, that’s got to be a good thing. I especially liked all your characters, WhatTha has been mentioned, but Drool-Sleaze is a great name too.

I got a bit lost as a reader in chapter 4, when they were in the tavern. Salatia goes from thinking Amara is ‘entertainment’ and trying to charge them loads for the food, to not batting an eyelid when they tell her they are from land that sank into the sea and an ancient city (why does she believe them?), and then thinking Amara is a real Serenian even though they disbanded centuries ago? Then when Gant says he is there for the games, Salatia says they haven’t had games for years and asks what the last thing he remembers is. Why does she ask that? Does she know he’s the real deal, and if so, how? It’s a little bit confusing, there is perhaps not enough explanation as to why she is changing her mind about them.

That said, that was the only bit that had me frowning, the rest of it I enjoyed a lot. You have a very natural, relaxed style of story telling, the fantasy world would work well even without the humour, and a nice eye for the ridiculous.

Favourite line – Are you having some kind of fit?

Hi Eric,
Excellent writing. A good pace with plenty of action packed adventure and enough imaginative characters to, well, to fill a book!. Very amusing, too.
A pleasure to read.
Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Hee hee! Brilliant!
Karen xx

As soon as we meet WhatTha we know we are in for a fun ride! This reads very well. The combat convinces and the array of warriors makes for an entertaining read. At first I thought I was in for a Gemmell-esque story but you soon disabused me of that notion! Didn't notice too many glaring typos etc, too busy reading! More in line with Fritz Leiber's Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser series -ish.
Good luck with this.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

This is imaginative and engaging. I was surprised to see the comedy tag until I got reading - it's not often fantasy and comedy are mixed, but you've done it with huge success. It's detailed, real and brilliantly done.

Congratulations!
Abi xxx

Exciting start and very intriguing. Movie-esque
backed

Really good, best of luck with it. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

What an imaginative story. You've obviously spent a lot of time designing this fantasy world because you're able to describe it down to fine details. And reading those details is what makes it feel real. The same with your characters. They're well fleshed out so come alive. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This is the price you pay for drinking stuff that makes green come out of your mouth, you end up with a bunch of PLONKAs.
I was highly amused by all this, I like the two MCs, they are exactly what fighting heroes and warrior maidens should be,
Backed

Not a lot to say here...this read well and the characters are easy to get into...I love Amara...the girl's got spunk! I don't know how much time you spend on the site, but I'm a bit surprised that this isn't climbing faster.

Lockjaw

This is very fine writing. Your style is completelya ccessible and fromt he three chapters I have read throws me straight into the action. You have also created a fascinating world with characters I believed. This would not normally be my genre but I am happy to back you. Catl. The Time Hunters.

This has a great funny edge (no auditory descriptions but excellent start), I like this, it’s one I will be coming back to!

Eric, your first chapter is unusually funny. I'm too amused to nitpick. On a serious note, it read very smoothly.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Backed.
Great opener to tell the reader this is something out of the ordinary....green smoke belches.
Just read the first chapter for now but it's good enough to warrant backing.
Be happy to read more and comment more when you've got the time for returning reads.
best,
David

This is fantastic. Your pitch is perfect. It throws the reader right in to the story, which doesn't disappoint. The writing is well done and I love the humor that you added, too. Backed with pleasure.

Kristin
Demon in the Knight

Backed.

Jesse - Savant

Backed

Kev

Even the names play with my imagination – V good - backed

I take acrid as a scent. I think "Acrid traces of green smoke" would be more powerful a sentence (without the smelling) Otherwise, it's "Acrid-smelling" I believe (with the hypen) other wise it could be Acrid (who is) smelling traces of... I know what you mean, but it's *technically* ambiguous in a way that I feel takes away from instead of enhances the writing. Just my opinion, of course, and you know what opinions are like.
What is "half-light" I think "Pale light seeped in..." would be stronger as well. "A" isn't really needed either.
You write "Pulling herself to her feet, she stood with one arm braced againt the wall, bent...."
This is an improper participial phrase, unless she is completing actions 2 and 3 at the same time as action 1. Here is more info:
http://www.mcrw.com/lovenotes/participialphrases.htm

Work on these elements if you can (if you agree with the advice) Other than that, while not my thing, I thought the pace was good and the content excellent for it's target audience. This is what an opening chapter should be, IMO.
Backed.
xBeccaX
The First Phoenix

Hi,

I have backed you book because I found it eminently readable
and have to cover 25 books a day just to keep my place on here.
If you would like a more specific comment please return the favor.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Firstly, espresso of fantasy sold the book to me. And I was not dissapointed when I started reading. You've got great immagination and sense of humor. Your writing is smooth and polished and downright hilarious at times. Your characterisation is spot on and you make Gant and Amara really come to life.

Wiggle, pull, tap, tap and poke, I-AM-BACKING-THIS! ;)
Ana G. Ram (Snowflake)

An interesting and original idea, as described in your pitch. Gant and Amara are well drawn characters. Amara's down to earth reactions to Gant's typical hero attitude is very funny and brings both characters to life at once. I enjoyed the accusations of the five women to their victim, 'If you don't know then I'm not going to tell you,' followed by, 'You don't buy flowers,' etc. The names are excellent, too, WhatTha, and Lord DroolSleaze, for example. Your writing is smooth and readable, and your plot promises lots of excitement as well as laughs. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

I love the pitch for Ancient Warriors - the set up for 'a man with anger management problems' and 'a woman with issues' [I felt as though the Issues should come with a capital 'I'!] is a great start for reanimated superheroes, and the anticipation of Merrilina obsessed with magic and her waistline while she lusts for power is irresistible. When I got into C1 the serenian battle signals immediately had me laughing, and by the time I got to the knitted bootees on the Baraland warriors I was a basket case. This is great fun and I'll back it without hesitation with no nitpicks.

Eric
'What the Gorash has happened?'..........N ow maybe its just me, but I wondered the same thing myself for about 5 paragraphs.....I couldn't find the story for the words......

What is going on here? :-

I – AM – FRIEND. Tap, tap, pull, wiggle, finger in eye, tap and wave. NO – NEED – FIGHT. Wiggle, tug, jerk, jerk and poke, I – WILL – SCOUT.

what's wrong with:-

'I am your friend' he said gesturing surrender......

OK, premise is fabulous, this is a fantastic blend of mythology and reality, and you are a good writer, there's no doubt about that......but its too wordy for me......BUT, that could well be as a consequence of my ignorance of the genre and in no way a reflection of your literary skills.....

It's not my personal view that's important, it's whether I think your catchment audience will approve....And I'm sure they will....

So backed.....I'd love your views on mine....(if you're still talking to me)

OK

Loosely reminscent of Narnia. Kids love a fast paced tale of clearly defined heros and "bad guys"
Pleasure to back.
Dawn De Remer (Golden Moon)

Hi Eric, I really lke your synopsis, there seems to be a really good tale in this. I have to say I was a little confused though as I thought both Gant and Amara had fallen into this place from reading the first paragraph. I thought they had fallen down some kind of passage or something and landed smacking off the ground, bellowing green smoke. When Gant start to feel guilty about Francine and spending the night with Amara I then started to question what I had first thought. I think maybe clean that up a littel. It's good writing though and only a minor tweak would sort that. I liked the humor in this aswell with gant giving ancient and embarrassing hand signals to Amara, I couldn't help but laugh when she said they gave up the signals when their queen put her back out saying happy new year. Really good dialogue and the promise of a strong story. On my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

You start your long pitch with, "He reanimates two ancient heroes from their enchanted sleep." I'd suggest you need to make this work as a separate entity rather than as a continuation of your (very good) short pitch. I love the expression, "espresso of fantasy."
The opening chapter and "what the Gorash has happened" in the opening paragraphs, reveals this to be a fantasy novel with a light touch. You need a question mark after "happened" btw. I've read all your posted chapters, despite fantasy being my weakest genre, simply because I like your easy going writing style and this is very entertaining. I like your imagination and the way you don't take yourself too seriously which is reflected in the way you write and is greatly to the good. Great fun, well written too, this deserves success. Backed.
Jared.

ANCIENT WARRIORS

Dear Eric,

Had a quick look at this not expecting to be impressed, and ended up reading much more than I had anticipated. I really don't read fantasy books, but I must say this was great fun and utterly readable. I longed for it to get even sillier, but I admire your restraint. I love the name "whatThe", it really made me laugh. Hurry and complete it, I'll be looking out for the unicorns! Comedy value aside, it is actually very crisply written and deserves to do well. Backed for cheering me up!

J&M Jensen
(Graemor)

Fantasy sometimes doesn't grab me but yours did with both arms.

Wonderful start, hooking, descriptive.

Smooth, polished writing completes the package here.

Jo xx

Spoilt

Hi
I read it with sheer interest. I love this. The narration is good
BAcked with wishes.
S. Vinay Kumar

This sounds very good. I've put it on my watchlist for later perusal.

ANCIENT WARRIORS: Returning your read of "Morgan the Dragon Slayer," and I really don't have a whole lot to say.

Except when will you get this published, so I can read and enjoy and laugh my non-barbarian arse off? ;-) This is just plain FUN. I love the characters, the settings, the dialogue, and the HUMOR! You've got me going all-caps, here, it's that fun. And funny. So there.

I've already backed, and I wish there were more, because I love everything about this. I dearly hope you will find publication one day. Best of luck!
Cheers ~

G. M. Atwater

Eric,

I enjoyed reading the first three chapters of "Anient Warriors". You do a good job portraying your characters and the magical world they inhabit. "Ancient Warriiors" is backed!
If you get a chance, would you mind taking a look at my novel, "The Wild, WIld Quest"? I always enjoy the comments/feedback.

Best of luck,
J. A. Johnson
(The Wild, Wild Quest)
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=13246

This is a good tale and I appreciate the way in which you can paint a vivid picture without overdoing the words.

Good, old-fashioned sword-and-sorcery. Its been a bit too long since I read any of "commercial" grade. This one hits all the marks, all the time, with happy regularity. Added bonus, the ensemble of main characters click well together. Backed.

This has all the desired components to make an excellent read.

Good luck with it.

Melxx
UNICORN

Wow, now this is different. Read the first couple chapters and found myself amused by the story line.
The tap-tap-wiggle part caused me to laugh alloud and his faithful companion Bigfist. This has quirk and I love oddity. Where did you come up with this? And that is not meant in a harsh manner, I mean, holy immagination. I envy people who can think Epic like this. Creating worlds, I admire that.
The writing is clear and concise. You put the information out there that the reader needs to know, and only that. It is not overly flowery or chalked to the brim with setting descriptions. This drives the story forward.
I liked Grant. And I think the first exchange between Francine and him really sets the novel on the right foot. The humor, the wit. I like it. And this is not something I would normally read, therefore how much I enjoyed it really shows to the plot line. I think it was because it made me laugh. Laughter is key.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor