Proxies of Fate

Backed January 25.

Jesse - Savant

http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=14062

Prose so achingly beautiful, it made my ears tingle! Excellent "wordsmanship", and an original tale, to boot. Backed with pleasure.

Hey people, I swear to get around to answering all the messages that have accumalated over the past few weeks. I've been busy editing, doing clinicals, and watching "Better Off Dead." I swear to give you all a fair shake. If you want to speak to me on a more personal basis, my e-mail is literarywanderer@aol.com. Don't be afraid to write. I appreciate any mail I receive. My time is simply solidly booked, but I always reply.

Great news. I finally found a publisher for my novel. Hopefully it will be up for purchase within the next six months. Thanks for your comments and hope to continue ncorresponding with this community of gifted authors.

Yours has been on my watchlist so long I thought I'd better back it!

Your descriptions of deep space to introduce us to the book are quite astonishing. Describing space, and the planets, has been a challenge of mine I've been seeking to overcome. Thank you for the inspiration... I've learned a great deal. Your descriptions are very lovely. My one quip is to be careful their ornateness doesn't get in the way of readers seeing the story progress. It's all kind of melded together in some areas -- which really does read nicely -- but be aware of separating story progression so it's clear where the reader is going.

'Twas a pleasure, and an inspiration.

Jeff Sinclair
No Heaven

I don't read SF - except here - so take what I say with a pinch of salt.. But it seems to me that this is a really unusual and interesting premise. It makes it much more human somehow - and strikes me as the kind of thing Stephen King might do if he went for SF.
I did however feel that the first chapter (and particularly the beginning) was overwritten and a bit overblown. Please take out 'mystical nether regions' as it just made me laugh out loud (which I'm sure wasn't the intention!).
Do check your descriptions really work. For eg, 'Akkad's tail thumped the floor excitedly' sounded like a cute labrador to me (again, sure that wasn't the idea).
Adjectives like strange, cruel, vicious, formidable don't really do anything. Get under the skin of your world and make it come alive.
Having said that I loved the stately progress through the universe - that sent tingles down my spine somehow, this idea of a sensient universe with the planet's having personalities.
Loved it when we came to earth (literally) with the second chapter.....this seemed nicely balanced. Love that you set this in history too, and such a tough time in history - gives it a painful, tortured edge of desperation.
I do think there's work to be done on this but I love the idea and it's got absolutely bags of potential.
Very happy to back you.
Jane
WALKER

Good descriptions. Some of your paragraphs are a little dense and hard to get through, but overall, well written and I'm happy to back you for a time.

Jeanne
(Dark Angel)

Proxies of Fate has a strong core story of opposing champions deciding a war between good and evil to decide the fate of the world; this has plenty of potential for action and drama that will appeal to lovers of the fantasy/ sci-fi genres. I'll back this for that potential.
However, IMHO the editor still has a fair bit of work to do. The choice of language in the opening seems to me needlessly elaborate and mystical [exalted effulgence for example seems just a distraction without particular meaning] and some of the logic is a bit shaky - you tell me several times about the darkness of space and the black ocean of the nether regions, but somehow it's also full of shimmering, glowing, flaring and fiery arcs. Not exactly dark, then? This is all a distraction from the real story underneath which starts to emerge much better when you get into the dialogue between your protagonists. I'd suggest playing down the [repeated] legions of stone and iron in describing the invasion fleet, and build more on the intriguing issues and character interplays involved in the concepts of human champions being genetically engineered to decide the outcome of an alien invasion. You have the writing skills to do this if you choose - though bear in mind this is just one reader's view of some editing issues! Good luck

An alternate series like the Worldwar by Turtledove. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Hey JC, thanks for the backing and I've put your book on my watchlist to take a peak at.

An alternate series like the Worldwar by Turtledove. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

A very good first chapter! I believe several things could be said in fewer words, but you still managed to create powerful images. Akkad's interaction with Pol was somewhat slow, but the opening action sequence and subsequent action sequence was enough to tide me over through that exchange.

Good stuff!! Shelving as soon (as I can clear a space on my shelf- upside, higher rank by then so more of a jump when I back you)

Sorry for the slow opening. My attempt is to set up the characters. I'm a stickler for the slow opening. Scenes in later chapters more than make up for the first chapter, especially the invasion of Japan.

Tim,
AURORA NOVA

Hi Matthew!

Wow, what an imagination you've got, and you're using every bit of it here in this sci-fi thriller. Not only are you stretching the boundaries of language in your wonderfully thorough descriptions, but you're also stretching the reader's mind as you take them through space with your carefully crafted characters and adventure. I'm not equipped to offer crits on sci-fi, but I do believe you've something special here - a piece that will thrill the sci-fi fans and beyond. Oh, and love your book cover! My pleasure to back - best of luck to you!

Kim
Invisible Justice

When I was writing the story, I originally wanted to write fantasy. Hard mythical fiction isn't exactly possible. I made a lot of changes to find a way to posit my story as real placing aliens in for gods, using physics and telekinesis among other abilities and sciences to explain powers, etc. To be honest, the novel is more about humanity trying to find its way rather than focusing so much on regular sci-fi elements. Too often sci-fi tries too hard to distance their tale and their characters from the modern day only causing a divide so wide a regular auidence simply cannot find interest in it. To me, that's just defeats the reason to write. Being a lover of Greek myth, I wanted to craft a tale that could be as interesting as the ones I read as a kid. Hopefully I've done so with the set dressing of aliens, the Great Depression, and science.

This is quite literary, which is unusual for sci fi. It hampers the pace a little, but it rewards in other ways. The depth to the plot feels believable and well thought out, just as any epic space saga should. One thing I would advise is to shorten some of those uber paragraphs. It's mostly fine, but every now and then POW! a paragraph of colossal proportions comes along and is quite daunting. But a minor crit really. Otherwise, well done, good stuff.

Andrew

If you had only seen the first draft! I've pared off quite a lot of material until I came to something I thought was much more wiedly. Also, I am just put off writing pure pulp. I like to dress things up a bit, lend my works some gravitas. I've been compared to a nineteenth century writer by various professors. Still wondering if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Thanks for your reply.

I am a keen sci-fi fan and I like anything to do with space, but the way you start suggests all the planets are in a line. Do you have any idea how often it happens? Also of all the possible directions to approach Earth they chose that one. Of course it is possible.
In my opinion, you should drop the mention of all the planets. We all know they exist and it adds nothing to the book, it just causes confusion. The first part would put me off buying the book.
Apart from that the descriptions of the planets and the impacts are interesting and well written.
After the start this is very good and well thought out. The idea of using two people from Earth to represent the two sides is good. I like the monsters and the god like defender. I will back your book because I like the main plot.

Tony
Life Bringer

Thanks for your opinion, Tony. What I am going for with the planets is much more symbolic, using them to represent gods whose domain is being invaded but who are too lazy and withdrawn to care. The story overall is a modern Greek tale with demigods and godly intervention.

A very good first chapter! I believe several things could be said in fewer words, but you still managed to create powerful images. Akkad's interaction with Pol was somewhat slow, but the opening action sequence and subsequent action sequence was enough to tide me over through that exchange.

Good stuff!! Shelving as soon (as I can clear a space on my shelf- upside, higher rank by then so more of a jump when I back you)

Tim,
AURORA NOVA

Hi Matthew!

Wow, what an imagination you've got, and you're using every bit of it here in this sci-fi thriller. Not only are you stretching the boundaries of language in your wonderfully thorough descriptions, but you're also stretching the reader's mind as you take them through space with your carefully crafted characters and adventure. I'm not equipped to offer crits on sci-fi, but I do believe you've something special here - a piece that will thrill the sci-fi fans and beyond. Oh, and love your book cover! My pleasure to back - best of luck to you!

Kim
Invisible Justice

This is quite literary, which is unusual for sci fi. It hampers the pace a little, but it rewards in other ways. The depth to the plot feels believable and well thought out, just as any epic space saga should. One thing I would advise is to shorten some of those uber paragraphs. It's mostly fine, but every now and then POW! a paragraph of colossal proportions comes along and is quite daunting. But a minor crit really. Otherwise, well done, good stuff.

Andrew

I am a keen sci-fi fan and I like anything to do with space, but the way you start suggests all the planets are in a line. Do you have any idea how often it happens? Also of all the possible directions to approach Earth they chose that one. Of course it is possible.
In my opinion, you should drop the mention of all the planets. We all know they exist and it adds nothing to the book, it just causes confusion. The first part would put me off buying the book.
Apart from that the descriptions of the planets and the impacts are interesting and well written.
After the start this is very good and well thought out. The idea of using two people from Earth to represent the two sides is good. I like the monsters and the god like defender. I will back your book because I like the main plot.

Tony
Life Bringer

Matthew,
Holy Starwars! This is some incredible, epic writing. You make the very planets and asteroids come to life with a mastery of words. The POV is a little fuzzy at first but it starts to make sense as Pol and Akkad plot the invasion negotiating the best approach to conquering Earth. By the end of the opening the plot is in hand and the readers "quake with the battle to come." Excellent writing.This fantasy stands head a shoulders above many others I have read. Fun stuff, good luck with your book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Thanks for the positive comments, Steve. I am also getting my literary fix on your latest. Thanks for turning me onto it.

Matthew,
Holy Starwars! This is some incredible, epic writing. You make the very planets and asteroids come to life with a mastery of words. The POV is a little fuzzy at first but it starts to make sense as Pol and Akkad plot the invasion negotiating the best approach to conquering Earth. By the end of the opening the plot is in hand and the readers "quake with the battle to come." Excellent writing.This fantasy stands head a shoulders above many others I have read. Fun stuff, good luck with your book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

I want to thank those who have left comments. If anything keeps me rat-a-tat-tatting away at the keyboard, it's people like you.

Proxies of Fate

Hi Matthew,

Let's forget everything for a moment, the intriguing, intelligent plot, the descriptive and compelling title, let's just focus on your writing. It hovered in space like the gasp of some lost god in the night. Wow! I think that is probably a completely unique line, in conjures so much, and yet leaves it down to the reader's imagination to fill in the actual details. What exactly would that look like? And you don't limit yourself just to your first line, there are many examples of this kind of sparkling and imaginative writing to follow, epic science fiction on a grand scale, with epic and grand, yet unpretentious writing to go with it. This is very strongly flavoured stuff and you have a great confidence and flare to your authorial voice. This is so versatile, so broad, so deep, I am deeply envious at the capacity of your imagination, it can literally contain worlds. If you have the time to peek at my book it would be so helpful at this stage of the game.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Thank you for the comments, Andrew. I'd be take a look at your book. Give me a few days. I've a great deal of projects on my hands currently.

Totally compelling, intelligently poised questioning all crafted into a well composed novel. Continually carried along on your clever and deep searching sentiments. Backed. But I think this one could almost get up and walk there on its own. X Rosali

Lol, Interesting, your cover has a picture of General RAAM from Gears of War 2. (Watch for that nasty little fly known as copyright. I doubt it will be a huge problem on Authonomy, but if someone sees that, you might get some grief)

I'm not sure to take this as fan fiction? Are there locust in this book?

I say that not to be annoying, just to help out. I'm putting on my watchlist to read as soon as possible.

Proxies of Fate

Hi Matthew,

Let's forget everything for a moment, the intriguing, intelligent plot, the descriptive and compelling title, let's just focus on your writing. It hovered in space like the gasp of some lost god in the night. Wow! I think that is probably a completely unique line, in conjures so much, and yet leaves it down to the reader's imagination to fill in the actual details. What exactly would that look like? And you don't limit yourself just to your first line, there are many examples of this kind of sparkling and imaginative writing to follow, epic science fiction on a grand scale, with epic and grand, yet unpretentious writing to go with it. This is very strongly flavoured stuff and you have a great confidence and flare to your authorial voice. This is so versatile, so broad, so deep, I am deeply envious at the capacity of your imagination, it can literally contain worlds. If you have the time to peek at my book it would be so helpful at this stage of the game.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

I was drawn to the cover, I love a bit of sci fi. The contrast between chapters 1 and 2 really set up the clash of worlds thats to come. It was like stepping of of one book and into another.l You have some fairly fab descriptive passages in there and your dialogue is good and believable. The whole thing is intriguing and I have this backed.
The very best of luck with this.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

This is a fascinating modern-day parable of East versus West, using fantasy characters in what is really a satirical take on the struggle between super-powers. Your descriptive passages are superb, and your dialogue is alive and vibrant, driving the plot onwards. This is exciting writing, and I'm pleased to back it. Best wishes, Tony.

Sorry to say I skipped down the page a bit until I got into the dialogue. That's when I really got into the story. I also think that's where your strength is. Your narrative and description isn't bad, it's just long. The real story starts when your characters start to interact. It's when it comes alive. Good luck and on my shelf. C.P

Once I read far enough down into the dialogue I was hooked. But you need to shorten the beginning paragraphs, I find them too wordy and too descriptive. They would be far more effective if you cut them down significantly. This has the makings of a great novel and is the type of book I would buy but it needs some work (which is why we're all here!). Happy to shelve.

Melissa

Once I read far enough down into the dialogue I was hooked. But you need to shorten the beginning paragraphs, I find them too wordy and too descriptive. They would be far more effective if you cut them down significantly. This has the makings of a great novel and is the type of book I would buy but it needs some work (which is why we're all here!). Happy to shelve.

Melissa

Mathew
OK, there's always a gremlin that comes along and bursts your bubble...

I read chapter one, and I thought, Jesus, what language is this ? Is this story every going to start ? Am I stupid because I didn't have a clue what was going on ! And so I gave up......And I jumped to chapter two, and found Chris sitting slumped and brooding in a chair, and I thought, thank god, a normal being doing a normal thing that I can relate to.......And so I read on, and I enjoyed it very much....You are a gifted storyteller.....Dialogue was simplistic and natural, I got the feel for the plot and related quickly to your characters....

And OK, I am not a Sci Fi boffo brain, and so, my opinion may be as a result of my ignorance of the genre and in no way a reflection on your literary skills, but if I were you, I'd eat half of chapter one.....

Would love your view on mine.....Especially as I've been honest with you, I know you'll be honest with me...

Shelved of course.

Mathew
OK, there's always a gremlin that comes along and bursts your bubble...

I read chapter one, and I thought, Jesus, what language is this ? Is this story every going to start ? Am I stupid because I didn't have a clue what was going on ! And so I gave up......And I jumped to chapter two, and found Chris sitting slumped and brooding in a chair, and I thought, thank god, a normal being doing a normal thing that I can relate to.......And so I read on, and I enjoyed it very much....You are a gifted storyteller.....Dialogue was simplistic and natural, I got the feel for the plot and related quickly to your characters....

And OK, I am not a Sci Fi boffo brain, and so, my opinion may be as a result of my ignorance of the genre and in no way a reflection on your literary skills, but if I were you, I'd eat half of chapter one.....

Would love your view on mine.....Especially as I've been honest with you, I know you'll be honest with me...

Shelved of course.

I'm loving this. Very much in the vein of Turtledove's Worldwar. Consider me hooked until the end.

Wow Matthew,

I've read the first 3 chapters and am impressed with your use of the English dictionary! The descriptive flow is entrancing and the scientific discussions quite plausible and well done. An excellent science fiction novel, true to the genre! I want to read the whole thing and am keeping you shelved!

Michael Drakich
Grave Is The Day

I am not usually a fan of science fiction, but when you're good, you're good. And sugar, YOU IS MUCHO GOOD!!!

Rachel, your compliments only encourage me to write more.

Wow this is exquisite writing. Some of the best I've read on Authonomy. Back to reading more. This will go far. Backed without a shadow of a doubt. Best, Shuab - The Messiah of Green Street.

Thanks. Now if I could only get publishers and agents to realize what they're letting slip through their fingers.

Hi Matthew,

An intriguing concept. It is hard to be unique in scifi as so much has been done before. Looking forward to reading on.

Michael Drakich
Grave Is The Day

I am not usually a fan of science fiction, but when you're good, you're good. And sugar, YOU IS MUCHO GOOD!!!

Well done. Shelved.
Rachel May
Neil Diamond Ruined my Life

I saw your cover when I placed this on my watchlist. When that gets approved I think you will have something people will notice! I was attracted by the pitch as I like historical fiction - and then it mentioned aliens. But I am open minded and thought it a unique idea for explaining how two strong nations could clash. I do't read much sci-fi, but found your use of language strong and enticing. Even in the first paragraph I was struck by the imagery - the spiritual, ethereal, crystalline - all very other worldly and evocative of what you were trying to explain. This was maintained throughout what I read and despite it not being my natural genre choice, has persuaded me to place this on my shelf.
Kendall Craig, The Halo (of Delight)

Thanks a lot Kendall. I've put a lot into this book (been bouncing around in my head since I was 12). My fascination with history, especially WWII era history, as well as numerous mythologies finally coalesced into something I hope others will find as entertaining reading as I did writing.

I saw your cover when I placed this on my watchlist. When that gets approved I think you will have something people will notice! I was attracted by the pitch as I like historical fiction - and then it mentioned aliens. But I am open minded and thought it a unique idea for explaining how two strong nations could clash. I do't read much sci-fi, but found your use of language strong and enticing. Even in the first paragraph I was struck by the imagery - the spiritual, ethereal, crystalline - all very other worldly and evocative of what you were trying to explain. This was maintained throughout what I read and despite it not being my natural genre choice, has persuaded me to place this on my shelf.
Kendall Craig, The Halo (of Delight)