Book Jacket

 

rank 5470
word count 26832
date submitted 07.11.2009
date updated 25.01.2010
genres: Historical Fiction, Science Fiction...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Proxies of Fate

Matthew Moses

In the shadow of the Depression, humanity's fate will be decided.

 

A story of modern myth set during the throes of the Great Depression, two men are mysteriously chosen by alien forces to serve as proxy in an age old war. One proxy shall rise to become a symbol of hope for America, healing the wounds of the Republic and inspiring its citizens by his noble actions in the darkest days of the Depression. The other assumes the mantle of the Dragon King, a monster driven by despair to crush the Japanese Empire and hailed by the Chinese as their holy champion. In time, drawn together by fate, these two will battle for humanity's future with consequences far greater than either knows altering history as we know it.

 
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aliens, alternate history, boxing, china, dragon king, extraterrestrial, fantasy, fdr, graphic novel, great depression, great war, imperial japan, los...

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Chapter 1

 

    It hovered in the darkness of space like the gasp of some lost god in the cold night. The Oort cloud shimmered in the black ocean, icy shards and comets twirling through the darkness in a flickering, primordial glow of spiritual immateriality. It was a cosmic dance of angelic elements, with pure crystalline bodies filling the ethereal expanse and Centaurs streaking about in full gallop, flaring across the ecliptic in fiery arcs. Beyond those fading edges, past the edge of known Creation, lurked the abyss. The deep unknown. It was from these depths they came.

    A legion of asteroids, a wandering force of stone and iron, emerged from the shadows. Their pitted, ebony faces pierced the celestial shroud as they entered the cosmic firmament. Like jet bullets, the asteroids thrust through the mystical nether regions propelling themselves toward the infinitesimal point of light at its center. The speed of their advance rendered all a blur.

    The glow of the cloud soon fell away as the Kuiper belt drew near, marking the physical border of the Solar System. The asteroids slowed, but did not stop in their approach of the celestial river. With little hesitation, the legion went to pass over. The frozen waves of methane and ammonia crashed harmlessly against the hides of the asteroids and were scattered in their wake, the legion of stone and iron pressing on through a hail of ice that thinned with time.

    Neptune’s indigo face loomed before the asteroids, watching these invaders to its realm with feigned interest. As the legion passed, one of their number broke formation and made for Triton.

    The legion’s drive continued, circumventing mute Uranus and regal Saturn on their push inward. The asteroids soared blindly by, disinterested in the majesty of Saturn’s glittering crown.

    Jupiter would not be so easily flanked. The awesome planet’s fierce visage came to blot out the rest of existence, its great scarlet eye fixated on the approaching legion. The planet invisibly reached for the asteroids, drawing them into its gravitational clutches. The asteroids struggled against Jupiter’s grip, searing rubescent across the mottled, churning atmosphere of that ancient giant. With intense effort, the legion of stone and iron crested Jupiter’s face, escaping the planet’s wrath, losing sight of the gas giant in the Asteroid belt.

    It was not long before Mars welcomed the legion with its presence. The asteroids seemed to bask in the crimson glow, their path passing precipitously close to the bloodied body as if to pay homage in an empyreal march before the harsh world and its two lieutenants, Phobos and Deimos. But their path did not end at that barren sphere. It continued on through the night to a verdant globe of green and blue.

    The legion took up position around Earth, settling into orbit to circle their prey. While they set up a perimeter, the largest of the pack diverted toward the Moon. Rather than slow upon its approach, this harbinger accelerated. Unrestrained by the Moon’s thin atmosphere, it mutely struck the gray surface with great force, throwing up plumes of dust. Something soon stirred inside.

    Within the crashed asteroid was a series of tunnels bathed in a dim rust-colored bioluminescence. Ducts and pipes ran the length of the chipped walls like veins while a thrumming pulse vibrated through the rock. Dry and torrid within the spaces, a scent of steel and sulphur permeated the air, stale and acrid. Skittering echoed through the tunnels as unseen creatures crawled and slithered throughout the caliginous passages. Following the source of activity, one found itself drawn to the core of the asteroid where the burrows converged into a vast cavity.

    Cruel, vicious faces of gargantuan size stared down from the ceiling into the empty heart of the asteroid. Chiseled from the blemished stone, these demonic monuments were a fearsome sight to all who dared raise their eyes. Their features were serpentine, incapable of smile or frown or any emotion in between with fang-filled, lipless maws and lidless eyes beneath pronounced brows and sloping foreheads. Many bore scars that only served to further twist their nightmarish physiognomy. These were the Krush Primarchs, the conquerors of worlds. Etched down the length of the walls beneath each countenance were scenes from their triumphant campaigns across the galaxy. These cruel beings were the objects of worship, demigods to the Krush, who inspired both fear and adoration while guiding generations down a rapacious path to martial immortality.

    Below, Krush guards lurked in the shadows along the periphery of the cavern. Only the shine of their lacquered scales betrayed their reptilian presence. They hid in the searing crevices, blending with the rock as they watched the frantic activity unfolding around them.

    Strange almond shaped creatures of green metal, the laelaps, hovered throughout the vast grotto, attending to various interfaces scattered about, silently receiving and transmitting information throughout the invasion fleet. Moderate in size compared to their overlords, these floating monoliths wirelessly communicated with the digital spirit of the asteroid.

    At the center of the chamber, a wan shaft of light streaked from the floor to the ceiling, forming a diaphanous pillar. Towards the column strode a creature that could only be likened to a titan. He was Akkad, leader of the invasion fleet. Covered in glistening scales of a sallow shade, he lumbered with a slight hunch brought about by his massive upper torso and wide hips, the knuckles of his formidable hands nearly scraping the floor. He stalked forward, flexing his broad shoulders as the talons of his feet clacked on the stone. Akkad swayed with each step, letting the weight of his seven foot tall body carry him forward while his tail served to balance his mass on his short, thick legs. Something akin to a purr crackled in his throat when he neared the pillar of light. Within the ghostly glow floated a crude holographic image of the Earth represented by a collection of orange lines, which shined in his oily black eyes.

    Akkad went to cup the world in his gnarled claws, casting shadow on the gleaming sphere. “Soon I shall prove myself upon your shores,” he whispered in the hoarse hisses, whines and shrieks of his language. “You will know my name. Call me…conqueror.” A tiny blip appeared just outside his grasp on the holographic display. “What is this?” Akkad turned to a nearby laelap, his hand slipping from the light. “What is that?” he repeated, jabbing a claw at the anomaly.

    The laelap approached the pillar of light. It silently ran a diagnostic, communicating with the sensor array. The Earth faded from view and the blip was magnified. A disc floated before them in the light. Its calculations completed, the laelap began to emanate an emerald aura, which expanded until it became a vaguely humanoid silhouette subsuming the body of the laelap within it. The silhouette turned to Akkad. “It would appear to be a spacecraft, primarch.”

    “A spacecraft?” Akkad stared at the disc while clicking his serrated teeth together. “I thought this world had not yet attained extraplanetary capability.”

    “It has not, primarch,” the laelap curtly replied in its monotone voice. “All data points to this truth.”

    Akkad leaned in menacingly close to the laelap’s silhouette. “Then where did it come from?”

    “Point of origin is difficult to ascertain. It does not match any known design.”

    Akkad traced the outlines of the disc. “Why didn’t we pick it up when we entered the system?”

    “Apparently it was hiding in the corona of this system’s star.”

    The primarch swiped at the disc. “An ambush.”

    “I do not believe so, primarch. It has powered up no weapons systems nor has it taken any aggressive action.”

    “Yet,” Akkad spat. “I want a full scan of that ship.”

    “Yes, primarch.”

    As the laelap hovered away, a blazing particle drifted into the cavern unnoticed. The size of a grain of sand, the radiance it possessed burned brightly in the dim confines buffeted by some unknown force. It twirled through the arid confines, eventually reaching the center of the vast chamber and exploded. Brilliant white light burst through the chamber, flooding every crack and crevice with a searing luminosity dissolving the shadows, forcing Akkad to cover his achromatic eyes and stagger back. The damnable shrieks of the serpentine guards grated throughout the cavern, many fleeing into the bowels of the asteroid in fear. The exalted effulgence quickly receded, coalescing into a figure who floated a foot above the cavern’s floor. Clad in intricate robes of gold and silver stitched with shining glyphs, he seemed made of fire. Tendrils flared around him like billowing samite which served to make his indiscernible frame, small and frail, appear larger and more awesome. The intensity of his glow granted the figure’s face an opaque, almost negative quality rendering his features impossible to discern. He said nothing as he hovered, surrounded by the Krush, instead silently surveying the realm into which he had materialized.

    From the periphery, a squad of Krush guards charged toward the intruder. Despite their girth, the guards lunged with lithe precision, sprinting forward on all fours like wildcats toward the enemy. The being did not flinch in the face of approaching danger. With a wave of his hand, an invisible force threw the guards back violently slamming them into the lithic wall. Another pair sprung from the tunnels and rushed the fiery figure to avenge their comrades. The figure extended both his hands and balled them into fists, lifting them skyward. The two guards were pulled from the floor in his telekinetic grasp, suspended and flailing. With the flick of the figure’s wrists, the two guards crashed into one another and dropped limply to the pebbled, rubble strewn deck. When Akkad heard the skittering of others preparing to join the melee, he raised his hand. “Stop!” the primarch commanded, then turned to the being of light.

    The figure bowed his head in a respectful manner of greeting before speaking. “I am Pol, and I mean you no harm.”

    Akkad’s fanged mouth hung open in bemusement. “You speak our tongue.”

    “I speak many tongues.”

    “You also speak lies. You invade my command, attack my guards, and expect me to believe you come in peace?” The primarch surveyed the crumpled forms of his men. “But they did provoke you did they not?” Akkad clicked his teeth together. “An impressive display. You show much courage coming into my den. You have earned my interest, though not my mercy. We shall see whether that shall be the case. Why have you come?”

    “As I have said, I am Pol. Of the Theria.”

    Akkad’s tail thumped the floor excitedly. “The Theria. I have heard of your kind in legends across countless worlds. So many spoke of you as if you were the Creators of all things. So many called to you when we found them.” The primarch’s hand passed through the pillar of light and Earth once more floated before him. “But you did not answer, and now those worlds bow to us. Your absence was enough to convince me that what truth there may have been to your kind had faded into myth. And yet here you stand.” Akkad extended his arms and made a mock bow, his eyes never leaving Pol. “What have I done to draw the interest of the gods?”

    Pol floated toward the shaft of light and the Earth it held. “You have come to this world with plans of invasion. I cannot allow that.”

    Akkad rounded his shoulders, flexing the muscles in his great arms. “And why is that?”

    Pol’s attention turned to the holographic Earth. “My reasons are my own.”

    Akkad waived the answer away. “The vague whims of a god cannot stop that which the Imperator has commanded. This world has been marked for annexation to the Imperium, an honor I have been bestowed to accomplish in the Imperator’s name.”

    Pol looked up at the primarch. “There is no honor in what you plan, to crush a world incapable of defending itself-”

    “I will admit there is no great honor in this.” Akkad’s tongue flicked out. “To crush these weak creatures shames me. I prefer challenges, but I will not defy the Imperator. Perhaps through us these creatures may learn strength. If they are found worthy of further existence. If.”

    “That is a lesson you yourselves do not understand. There is more to strength than physical power.” The flames around Pol increased in intensity. “Do not force me to teach you.”

    Akkad’s tail thrashed about behind him. “That sounds dangerously like a threat.” The primarch’s fists tightened and his knuckles cracked in preparation. “Do you mean battle?”

    The light about Pol dimmed. “How simple your mind works.”

    “Simple?” Akkad stomped forward, a guttural, bubbling rasp escaping his maw before he halted. His jaw tightened. “It is you who have not given the situation serious thought. How do you intend to stop us? Our sensors show you have but one ship versus our fleet. Even a god cannot defend against the onslaught of my forces.”

    Pol cocked his head. “If I could penetrate your most secure defenses, what makes you think I could not destroy your entire fleet just as easily?”

    Akkad turned his back, crossing his arms. “Then why bother with this useless diplomacy? Why not simply scatter our ashes across the system? Perhaps you question your superiority.” The primarch pivoted at the hip to look back at Pol.

    “I abhor violence-.”

    “Yet you stand between a predator and its prey,” Akkad thundered, wheeling around to march toward the Therian obscuring the shaft of light and the Earth with his bulk.

    Pol put out a hand to stop him. “I prevent you from shaming yourself through massacring those upon the surface. This is not battle, it’s a slaughter.”

    “Then maybe I should give the command to open fire upon your ship before gutting you?” Akkad bared his sharp teeth. “Who knows what glorious surprises may await. Maybe there I will find a true challenge and become legendary as a killer of deities.”

    “You’d risk battle in the void? That is a blasphemy to your people.”

    Akkad let slip a vulgar hiss. “I tire of this dialogue. You have entered the field of battle by intervening in our invasion. It is dishonorable to do anything less than fight.”

    Pol gazed into the dark eyes of Akkad. “I do not wish bloodshed.”

    “Then why bother coming here making demands like the Imperator himself? Fight or retreat - there is no other option.”

    “You are a crude, blunt breed,” Pol harshly retorted. “So rigid in your views. Yet even you are more flexible than you realize. I have watched your people for some time. You are cruel yet honorable.”

    Akkad focused on the primarchs above. “We are what we must be. We seek challenges to prove our worth, spreading the philosophy of the strong.” He motioned to the scenes upon the walls. “We are warriors.”

    “And like all warriors, you have a code of conduct.”

    “Enough damn talk!” Akkad thundered. “Stop trying to seduce me with words. What do you want?”

    Pol circled around the primarch until the Earth once more came into view. “You seek a challenge, a worthy challenge for your species. Something this world could never offer you. I offer you a trial, a true test to measure your race by.”

    A purring cackle gurgled in Akkad’s throat. “What would that be?”

    “The rite of Shaka Ri.”

    Akkad chortled a flinty laugh. “War by proxy? That right hasn’t been used in centuries, and then only between those of the Krush. Few races have proven worthy of invoking it and none have dared.”

    “I dare,” Pol challenged, bringing an end to Akkad’s hacking guffaws.

    “What right do you have to declare it?”

    “I claim this world for my own. Even you must understand the only way to seize it is to take it from me, for I shall not surrender it peacefully into your vicious hands. But there is no need for war between our forces. Let a duel of fate settle this matter. Should I win, you will retreat. Should I lose, I surrender this planet to your forces and your conquest may commence unimpeded.”

    The Earth hovered between Pol and Akkad as the primarch licked at his fangs. “This interests me. Great honor may be attained. Warrior versus warrior. The true measure of worth. And if the tales are true…you shall be a great adversary. To add this to the chronicles of conquest…” Drool dripped from Akkad’s mouth as he savored the possibilities. “Shall it be you and I battling for this world? Unlike my guards, I shall not be so easily brought to heel.”

    “I had others more fitting in mind.”

    Akkad’s tongue flicked out in query. “Who?”

    Pol’s attention shifted to the Earth. “I believe it only fitting that this planet provide our proxies-.”

    “Never.” Akkad shook his head, spitting in disgust at the prospect. “These primitives are unworthy of our code. For one of their kin to represent the Krush is a blasphemy. There is no honor to be had by Shaka Ri without worthy champions. These…creatures offer none.”

    Pol looked upon the Earth. “The destiny of any world should be decided by its children. It is they who have the most vested in the destiny of their planet and who would fight the hardest for it. It is more than a battle for them. It is the fate of their species.”

    “That is not enough to make them worthy champions. Even beasts struggle fiercely for their den. That alone does not make it a noble conflict. The test of wills - that is the noblest aspect of battle. To push beyond one’s stamina, to knowingly face death in pursuit of victory. Not for land, treasure, or power, but victory. To test one’s very core. To test their soul in combat. These creatures,” Akkad pointed at the Earth, “are no better than beasts. They lack nobility and fight for nothing of true value. They are incapable of a battle worthy of their world.”

    “Then we shall make them worthy,” Pol countered.

    Akkad’s teeth chattered together as he shifted his stance. “I do not understand.”

    “Genetic modification,” Pol clarified.

    Akkad snorted. “Why bother? I do not understand why we do not choose from our own broods.”

    “Who else would fight harder over this world than two who come from it? Yet one shall be Therian and the other Krush - a pure battle where the essence of who we are is tested. It is more than a battle of men or worlds. It is a battle of species on neutral ground. A true test of what we are by blood.”

    “To trust one of these creatures with Krush blood…” Akkad once more looked to the primarchs above.

    “A native bonded to you through blood may prove beneficial should you win,” Pol offered. “They could aid you in your conquest, being an inhabitant of the world in question, offering you insights you could never have.”

    “And being Krush, the honor of victory would still be ours.” Akkad nodded, but soon stopped. “How do you know we possess the technology to accomplish this?”

    “I have been watching your species for some time. I know you possess the means to craft your champion.”

    Akkad turned and motioned for a laelap to approach. The mech hovered to its master’s side. “Is this true? Can it be done?”

    The laelap took mere picoseconds to compute and test the hypothesis a thousand times over. “It is possible, primarch,” the mech stated conclusively.

    Akkad’s attention returned to Pol. “How can we be sure our proxies will find one another?”

    “It is the way of all things. Great power attracts great power. They cannot escape the cycle.”

    Akkad let his eyes drift to the amber, holographic Earth. “Great honor may be gained by this. A Krush defeating a Therian, followed by the conquest and annexation of another world to the Imperium.” Akkad reverently gazed at the primarchs above. “My campaign would be legendary.” He nodded to himself before turning to face his adversary. “I accept your challenge. May this world quake with the battle to come.”

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Jesse Hargreave wrote 829 days ago

Backed January 25.

Jesse - Savant

http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=14062

Salude El Dia wrote 829 days ago

Prose so achingly beautiful, it made my ears tingle! Excellent "wordsmanship", and an original tale, to boot. Backed with pleasure.

literarywanderer wrote 848 days ago

Hey people, I swear to get around to answering all the messages that have accumalated over the past few weeks. I've been busy editing, doing clinicals, and watching "Better Off Dead." I swear to give you all a fair shake. If you want to speak to me on a more personal basis, my e-mail is literarywanderer@aol.com. Don't be afraid to write. I appreciate any mail I receive. My time is simply solidly booked, but I always reply.

literarywanderer wrote 872 days ago

Great news. I finally found a publisher for my novel. Hopefully it will be up for purchase within the next six months. Thanks for your comments and hope to continue ncorresponding with this community of gifted authors.

Nick Poole2 wrote 885 days ago

Yours has been on my watchlist so long I thought I'd better back it!

peekaboo_boy wrote 886 days ago

Your descriptions of deep space to introduce us to the book are quite astonishing. Describing space, and the planets, has been a challenge of mine I've been seeking to overcome. Thank you for the inspiration... I've learned a great deal. Your descriptions are very lovely. My one quip is to be careful their ornateness doesn't get in the way of readers seeing the story progress. It's all kind of melded together in some areas -- which really does read nicely -- but be aware of separating story progression so it's clear where the reader is going.

'Twas a pleasure, and an inspiration.

Jeff Sinclair
No Heaven

Jane Alexander wrote 887 days ago

I don't read SF - except here - so take what I say with a pinch of salt.. But it seems to me that this is a really unusual and interesting premise. It makes it much more human somehow - and strikes me as the kind of thing Stephen King might do if he went for SF.
I did however feel that the first chapter (and particularly the beginning) was overwritten and a bit overblown. Please take out 'mystical nether regions' as it just made me laugh out loud (which I'm sure wasn't the intention!).
Do check your descriptions really work. For eg, 'Akkad's tail thumped the floor excitedly' sounded like a cute labrador to me (again, sure that wasn't the idea).
Adjectives like strange, cruel, vicious, formidable don't really do anything. Get under the skin of your world and make it come alive.
Having said that I loved the stately progress through the universe - that sent tingles down my spine somehow, this idea of a sensient universe with the planet's having personalities.
Loved it when we came to earth (literally) with the second chapter.....this seemed nicely balanced. Love that you set this in history too, and such a tough time in history - gives it a painful, tortured edge of desperation.
I do think there's work to be done on this but I love the idea and it's got absolutely bags of potential.
Very happy to back you.
Jane
WALKER

Jeanne Bannon wrote 889 days ago

Good descriptions. Some of your paragraphs are a little dense and hard to get through, but overall, well written and I'm happy to back you for a time.

Jeanne
(Dark Angel)

Bob Steele wrote 891 days ago

Proxies of Fate has a strong core story of opposing champions deciding a war between good and evil to decide the fate of the world; this has plenty of potential for action and drama that will appeal to lovers of the fantasy/ sci-fi genres. I'll back this for that potential.
However, IMHO the editor still has a fair bit of work to do. The choice of language in the opening seems to me needlessly elaborate and mystical [exalted effulgence for example seems just a distraction without particular meaning] and some of the logic is a bit shaky - you tell me several times about the darkness of space and the black ocean of the nether regions, but somehow it's also full of shimmering, glowing, flaring and fiery arcs. Not exactly dark, then? This is all a distraction from the real story underneath which starts to emerge much better when you get into the dialogue between your protagonists. I'd suggest playing down the [repeated] legions of stone and iron in describing the invasion fleet, and build more on the intriguing issues and character interplays involved in the concepts of human champions being genetically engineered to decide the outcome of an alien invasion. You have the writing skills to do this if you choose - though bear in mind this is just one reader's view of some editing issues! Good luck

literarywanderer wrote 911 days ago

An alternate series like the Worldwar by Turtledove. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key



Hey JC, thanks for the backing and I've put your book on my watchlist to take a peak at.

soutexmex wrote 911 days ago

An alternate series like the Worldwar by Turtledove. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

literarywanderer wrote 914 days ago

A very good first chapter! I believe several things could be said in fewer words, but you still managed to create powerful images. Akkad's interaction with Pol was somewhat slow, but the opening action sequence and subsequent action sequence was enough to tide me over through that exchange.

Good stuff!! Shelving as soon (as I can clear a space on my shelf- upside, higher rank by then so more of a jump when I back you)

Sorry for the slow opening. My attempt is to set up the characters. I'm a stickler for the slow opening. Scenes in later chapters more than make up for the first chapter, especially the invasion of Japan.

Tim,
AURORA NOVA

literarywanderer wrote 914 days ago

Hi Matthew!

Wow, what an imagination you've got, and you're using every bit of it here in this sci-fi thriller. Not only are you stretching the boundaries of language in your wonderfully thorough descriptions, but you're also stretching the reader's mind as you take them through space with your carefully crafted characters and adventure. I'm not equipped to offer crits on sci-fi, but I do believe you've something special here - a piece that will thrill the sci-fi fans and beyond. Oh, and love your book cover! My pleasure to back - best of luck to you!

Kim
Invisible Justice



When I was writing the story, I originally wanted to write fantasy. Hard mythical fiction isn't exactly possible. I made a lot of changes to find a way to posit my story as real placing aliens in for gods, using physics and telekinesis among other abilities and sciences to explain powers, etc. To be honest, the novel is more about humanity trying to find its way rather than focusing so much on regular sci-fi elements. Too often sci-fi tries too hard to distance their tale and their characters from the modern day only causing a divide so wide a regular auidence simply cannot find interest in it. To me, that's just defeats the reason to write. Being a lover of Greek myth, I wanted to craft a tale that could be as interesting as the ones I read as a kid. Hopefully I've done so with the set dressing of aliens, the Great Depression, and science.

literarywanderer wrote 914 days ago

This is quite literary, which is unusual for sci fi. It hampers the pace a little, but it rewards in other ways. The depth to the plot feels believable and well thought out, just as any epic space saga should. One thing I would advise is to shorten some of those uber paragraphs. It's mostly fine, but every now and then POW! a paragraph of colossal proportions comes along and is quite daunting. But a minor crit really. Otherwise, well done, good stuff.

Andrew



If you had only seen the first draft! I've pared off quite a lot of material until I came to something I thought was much more wiedly. Also, I am just put off writing pure pulp. I like to dress things up a bit, lend my works some gravitas. I've been compared to a nineteenth century writer by various professors. Still wondering if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Thanks for your reply.

literarywanderer wrote 914 days ago

I am a keen sci-fi fan and I like anything to do with space, but the way you start suggests all the planets are in a line. Do you have any idea how often it happens? Also of all the possible directions to approach Earth they chose that one. Of course it is possible.
In my opinion, you should drop the mention of all the planets. We all know they exist and it adds nothing to the book, it just causes confusion. The first part would put me off buying the book.
Apart from that the descriptions of the planets and the impacts are interesting and well written.
After the start this is very good and well thought out. The idea of using two people from Earth to represent the two sides is good. I like the monsters and the god like defender. I will back your book because I like the main plot.

Tony
Life Bringer



Thanks for your opinion, Tony. What I am going for with the planets is much more symbolic, using them to represent gods whose domain is being invaded but who are too lazy and withdrawn to care. The story overall is a modern Greek tale with demigods and godly intervention.

XoADreadnought wrote 915 days ago

A very good first chapter! I believe several things could be said in fewer words, but you still managed to create powerful images. Akkad's interaction with Pol was somewhat slow, but the opening action sequence and subsequent action sequence was enough to tide me over through that exchange.

Good stuff!! Shelving as soon (as I can clear a space on my shelf- upside, higher rank by then so more of a jump when I back you)

Tim,
AURORA NOVA

Kim Jewell wrote 916 days ago

Hi Matthew!

Wow, what an imagination you've got, and you're using every bit of it here in this sci-fi thriller. Not only are you stretching the boundaries of language in your wonderfully thorough descriptions, but you're also stretching the reader's mind as you take them through space with your carefully crafted characters and adventure. I'm not equipped to offer crits on sci-fi, but I do believe you've something special here - a piece that will thrill the sci-fi fans and beyond. Oh, and love your book cover! My pleasure to back - best of luck to you!

Kim
Invisible Justice

andyroo wrote 916 days ago

This is quite literary, which is unusual for sci fi. It hampers the pace a little, but it rewards in other ways. The depth to the plot feels believable and well thought out, just as any epic space saga should. One thing I would advise is to shorten some of those uber paragraphs. It's mostly fine, but every now and then POW! a paragraph of colossal proportions comes along and is quite daunting. But a minor crit really. Otherwise, well done, good stuff.

Andrew

Freeman wrote 916 days ago

I am a keen sci-fi fan and I like anything to do with space, but the way you start suggests all the planets are in a line. Do you have any idea how often it happens? Also of all the possible directions to approach Earth they chose that one. Of course it is possible.
In my opinion, you should drop the mention of all the planets. We all know they exist and it adds nothing to the book, it just causes confusion. The first part would put me off buying the book.
Apart from that the descriptions of the planets and the impacts are interesting and well written.
After the start this is very good and well thought out. The idea of using two people from Earth to represent the two sides is good. I like the monsters and the god like defender. I will back your book because I like the main plot.

Tony
Life Bringer

literarywanderer wrote 916 days ago

Matthew,
Holy Starwars! This is some incredible, epic writing. You make the very planets and asteroids come to life with a mastery of words. The POV is a little fuzzy at first but it starts to make sense as Pol and Akkad plot the invasion negotiating the best approach to conquering Earth. By the end of the opening the plot is in hand and the readers "quake with the battle to come." Excellent writing.This fantasy stands head a shoulders above many others I have read. Fun stuff, good luck with your book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge


Thanks for the positive comments, Steve. I am also getting my literary fix on your latest. Thanks for turning me onto it.

Steve Ward wrote 916 days ago

Matthew,
Holy Starwars! This is some incredible, epic writing. You make the very planets and asteroids come to life with a mastery of words. The POV is a little fuzzy at first but it starts to make sense as Pol and Akkad plot the invasion negotiating the best approach to conquering Earth. By the end of the opening the plot is in hand and the readers "quake with the battle to come." Excellent writing.This fantasy stands head a shoulders above many others I have read. Fun stuff, good luck with your book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

literarywanderer wrote 917 days ago

I want to thank those who have left comments. If anything keeps me rat-a-tat-tatting away at the keyboard, it's people like you.

literarywanderer wrote 917 days ago

Proxies of Fate

Hi Matthew,

Let's forget everything for a moment, the intriguing, intelligent plot, the descriptive and compelling title, let's just focus on your writing. It hovered in space like the gasp of some lost god in the night. Wow! I think that is probably a completely unique line, in conjures so much, and yet leaves it down to the reader's imagination to fill in the actual details. What exactly would that look like? And you don't limit yourself just to your first line, there are many examples of this kind of sparkling and imaginative writing to follow, epic science fiction on a grand scale, with epic and grand, yet unpretentious writing to go with it. This is very strongly flavoured stuff and you have a great confidence and flare to your authorial voice. This is so versatile, so broad, so deep, I am deeply envious at the capacity of your imagination, it can literally contain worlds. If you have the time to peek at my book it would be so helpful at this stage of the game.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)



Thank you for the comments, Andrew. I'd be take a look at your book. Give me a few days. I've a great deal of projects on my hands currently.

Rosali Webb wrote 917 days ago

Totally compelling, intelligently poised questioning all crafted into a well composed novel. Continually carried along on your clever and deep searching sentiments. Backed. But I think this one could almost get up and walk there on its own. X Rosali

XoADreadnought wrote 920 days ago

Lol, Interesting, your cover has a picture of General RAAM from Gears of War 2. (Watch for that nasty little fly known as copyright. I doubt it will be a huge problem on Authonomy, but if someone sees that, you might get some grief)

I'm not sure to take this as fan fiction? Are there locust in this book?

I say that not to be annoying, just to help out. I'm putting on my watchlist to read as soon as possible.

Andrew W. wrote 921 days ago

Proxies of Fate

Hi Matthew,

Let's forget everything for a moment, the intriguing, intelligent plot, the descriptive and compelling title, let's just focus on your writing. It hovered in space like the gasp of some lost god in the night. Wow! I think that is probably a completely unique line, in conjures so much, and yet leaves it down to the reader's imagination to fill in the actual details. What exactly would that look like? And you don't limit yourself just to your first line, there are many examples of this kind of sparkling and imaginative writing to follow, epic science fiction on a grand scale, with epic and grand, yet unpretentious writing to go with it. This is very strongly flavoured stuff and you have a great confidence and flare to your authorial voice. This is so versatile, so broad, so deep, I am deeply envious at the capacity of your imagination, it can literally contain worlds. If you have the time to peek at my book it would be so helpful at this stage of the game.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Leigh Fallon wrote 922 days ago

I was drawn to the cover, I love a bit of sci fi. The contrast between chapters 1 and 2 really set up the clash of worlds thats to come. It was like stepping of of one book and into another.l You have some fairly fab descriptive passages in there and your dialogue is good and believable. The whole thing is intriguing and I have this backed.
The very best of luck with this.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

Onthedottedline wrote 922 days ago

This is a fascinating modern-day parable of East versus West, using fantasy characters in what is really a satirical take on the struggle between super-powers. Your descriptive passages are superb, and your dialogue is alive and vibrant, driving the plot onwards. This is exciting writing, and I'm pleased to back it. Best wishes, Tony.

C.P. wrote 923 days ago

Sorry to say I skipped down the page a bit until I got into the dialogue. That's when I really got into the story. I also think that's where your strength is. Your narrative and description isn't bad, it's just long. The real story starts when your characters start to interact. It's when it comes alive. Good luck and on my shelf. C.P

Melimoops wrote 923 days ago

Once I read far enough down into the dialogue I was hooked. But you need to shorten the beginning paragraphs, I find them too wordy and too descriptive. They would be far more effective if you cut them down significantly. This has the makings of a great novel and is the type of book I would buy but it needs some work (which is why we're all here!). Happy to shelve.

Melissa

Melimoops wrote 923 days ago

Once I read far enough down into the dialogue I was hooked. But you need to shorten the beginning paragraphs, I find them too wordy and too descriptive. They would be far more effective if you cut them down significantly. This has the makings of a great novel and is the type of book I would buy but it needs some work (which is why we're all here!). Happy to shelve.

Melissa

paxie wrote 923 days ago

Mathew
OK, there's always a gremlin that comes along and bursts your bubble...

I read chapter one, and I thought, Jesus, what language is this ? Is this story every going to start ? Am I stupid because I didn't have a clue what was going on ! And so I gave up......And I jumped to chapter two, and found Chris sitting slumped and brooding in a chair, and I thought, thank god, a normal being doing a normal thing that I can relate to.......And so I read on, and I enjoyed it very much....You are a gifted storyteller.....Dialogue was simplistic and natural, I got the feel for the plot and related quickly to your characters....

And OK, I am not a Sci Fi boffo brain, and so, my opinion may be as a result of my ignorance of the genre and in no way a reflection on your literary skills, but if I were you, I'd eat half of chapter one.....

Would love your view on mine.....Especially as I've been honest with you, I know you'll be honest with me...

Shelved of course.

paxie wrote 923 days ago

Mathew
OK, there's always a gremlin that comes along and bursts your bubble...

I read chapter one, and I thought, Jesus, what language is this ? Is this story every going to start ? Am I stupid because I didn't have a clue what was going on ! And so I gave up......And I jumped to chapter two, and found Chris sitting slumped and brooding in a chair, and I thought, thank god, a normal being doing a normal thing that I can relate to.......And so I read on, and I enjoyed it very much....You are a gifted storyteller.....Dialogue was simplistic and natural, I got the feel for the plot and related quickly to your characters....

And OK, I am not a Sci Fi boffo brain, and so, my opinion may be as a result of my ignorance of the genre and in no way a reflection on your literary skills, but if I were you, I'd eat half of chapter one.....

Would love your view on mine.....Especially as I've been honest with you, I know you'll be honest with me...

Shelved of course.

Silly Sasquatch wrote 924 days ago

I'm loving this. Very much in the vein of Turtledove's Worldwar. Consider me hooked until the end.

Michael Drakich wrote 926 days ago

Wow Matthew,

I've read the first 3 chapters and am impressed with your use of the English dictionary! The descriptive flow is entrancing and the scientific discussions quite plausible and well done. An excellent science fiction novel, true to the genre! I want to read the whole thing and am keeping you shelved!

Michael Drakich
Grave Is The Day

literarywanderer wrote 926 days ago

I am not usually a fan of science fiction, but when you're good, you're good. And sugar, YOU IS MUCHO GOOD!!!


Rachel, your compliments only encourage me to write more.

literarywanderer wrote 926 days ago

Wow this is exquisite writing. Some of the best I've read on Authonomy. Back to reading more. This will go far. Backed without a shadow of a doubt. Best, Shuab - The Messiah of Green Street.


Thanks. Now if I could only get publishers and agents to realize what they're letting slip through their fingers.

Michael Drakich wrote 926 days ago

Hi Matthew,

An intriguing concept. It is hard to be unique in scifi as so much has been done before. Looking forward to reading on.

Michael Drakich
Grave Is The Day

RachelMay wrote 926 days ago

I am not usually a fan of science fiction, but when you're good, you're good. And sugar, YOU IS MUCHO GOOD!!!

Well done. Shelved.
Rachel May
Neil Diamond Ruined my Life

literarywanderer wrote 926 days ago

I saw your cover when I placed this on my watchlist. When that gets approved I think you will have something people will notice! I was attracted by the pitch as I like historical fiction - and then it mentioned aliens. But I am open minded and thought it a unique idea for explaining how two strong nations could clash. I do't read much sci-fi, but found your use of language strong and enticing. Even in the first paragraph I was struck by the imagery - the spiritual, ethereal, crystalline - all very other worldly and evocative of what you were trying to explain. This was maintained throughout what I read and despite it not being my natural genre choice, has persuaded me to place this on my shelf.
Kendall Craig, The Halo (of Delight)



Thanks a lot Kendall. I've put a lot into this book (been bouncing around in my head since I was 12). My fascination with history, especially WWII era history, as well as numerous mythologies finally coalesced into something I hope others will find as entertaining reading as I did writing.

Kendall Craig wrote 926 days ago

I saw your cover when I placed this on my watchlist. When that gets approved I think you will have something people will notice! I was attracted by the pitch as I like historical fiction - and then it mentioned aliens. But I am open minded and thought it a unique idea for explaining how two strong nations could clash. I do't read much sci-fi, but found your use of language strong and enticing. Even in the first paragraph I was struck by the imagery - the spiritual, ethereal, crystalline - all very other worldly and evocative of what you were trying to explain. This was maintained throughout what I read and despite it not being my natural genre choice, has persuaded me to place this on my shelf.
Kendall Craig, The Halo (of Delight)

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