Writing Therapy

This is pure genuis!
I love it! So original, best first sentence,
Nice flow, beautiful character that I've fallen in love with, very relate-able and just absolutely wonderful!
This is not my regular comment style, normally I'm very critical and nit pick on grammer mistakes but I love this book! Backed and on my shelf until something better comes to knock it off.

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

I was immediately attracted to this book due to the cover, I love the vintage typewriter, I actually still have one of my own. The pitch is interesting and intriguing and also made me want to read. This is a really good idea, she reads so much that she starts to believe things, very common problem. I often thing I should keep all the things in my head strictly there because people would think I'm crazy. I love the opening, very nice pace and you can see why she would start to believe such things. Excellent work, backed immediately.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

I feel like running around screaming awesome awesome around your brain but alast that would quite rude and very very childish. You capture the 'nothing wrong with me' phase in her is simply put..amazing I can almost see her sitting with the doctor in the therapy room. I shall go forth and continue reading but I simply had to comment on it immediately

Love,
Zoey Lock

This will certainly appeal on this site. Well writtenand compulsive. On my shelf. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

Fascinating read. A good edit and this will be a powerhouse. It's interesting to see a book draped over the bones of itself -- reality filtered through the scaffold of a novel, a play where you can see the stagehands as well as the actors. It's the fourth wall presented but unbroken, and you've done it all with little effort. Also, crazy people are awesome. Watchlisted.

Come read my psychological-horror novel, "Dime"!

Hi Tim,
I liked this, I think it will appeal to your target audience for sure. You have a really original premise, Frances is a great character, well drawn - I find her intriguing and feel you tackle the issue of mental illness well, you have made it very realistic. This promises to be an interesting story as we watch Frances deal with what is real and what is not - personally, I think that there is an element of this in everyone. I will be back to read more, but in the meanwhile, this is on my shelf!
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

I felt this book was a cliff hanger- I had to read on to find out what happened next. I have worked in a college set in the grounds of what used to be known as a Lunatic Asylum and met people like Tim's characters which are sensitively drawn and very true to life as I saw it there. His description of ECT received by his main character made me cry - I had heard it before from someone who had experienced it, and hated the experience.
He has an assured and easy writing style and draws you in so you are totally involved. Marion

Great idea. Very intesting!

Funny I have a character whose grand daughter thinks she's imagining her life from a book. In reality she's remembering her life before her 1922 kidnapping. The Victorian asylum reference in your description immeditately caught my eye. It's on my watchlist. More comments when I start to read it!

This is very, very good. The voice is authentic, original and engaging. I like it a lot.

Tim, I really like this a lot. I love the dialogue in particularly (although as an aside you need to tighten your punctuation around dialogue as you miss out full stops and commas quite a bit) But all your speech feels real and refreshing and really help to build strong and believable characters.

I think this would benefit a bit more editing - not just for technicalities - but I think it can be chopped back a bit more to help speed up the pace a little. Sometimes it felt repetitive and a little clumsy, but as I said this will come out in your final polish.

I think it's a brilliant idea, an original approach and I wish you all the very best. I've added you to my shelf.

Good luck!

For me one of the more readable books I've found here so far. I liked the premise, the dialogue and the writing in general. So far (2 chapters) I have nothing to say against it. I shall come back and finish tomorrow.

Very interesting book, one of the most unusual on this site (or at least I've come across!). It's slick, smooth, good stuff, and I like the way you have used your background to write about what you know. The genre is fascinating and probably opens up all sorts of insights.
It's extremely dialogue focussed and this is the only quibble I have because after 2 chapters (admittedly all I've read so far) I'm beginning to long for a change in rhythm - or presentation of the story. I wonder if we can see things more sometimes, rather than hear all the time. I would want to create more variety of expression (if that makes sense?)
Using the writing metaphor is a clever way of telling the story and looking ahead I guess she gets such intricate knowledge of books (and how to write them) from her English teacher. That's my other point - how she knows so much about the nuts and bolts of writing.
I've put you on my shelf for now. It's good and original.

This is a great concept, and I like the way the internal narrative bleeds into the conversations in Chapter 2. A book like this has to move at a different pace from a thriller, so I don't think 2004carlt's comment is necessarily founded. However, to hold the reader's attention, your prose has to really sparkle -- which it does in many places.

By the way, the stuff about editing out the other characters (but they're always there, behind the text, and lo, a short scene with them appears) is very clever. Great stuff, well done.

Fantastic premise. Great opening!

Hi Tim, I like it.
Karyn

Right I'm up to chapter 4 and this is still as strong as ever. Really, my previous comments apply again, the only fault was that the start of Chapter 3 (in my opinion) was slightly repetitious of what had gone before (mainly the paragraph begining "Can't you see?..."). Other than that the writing continues to be strong and the premise interesting. Hopefully will finish what you have posted over the weekend.

p.s. hope you like the Calvino!

Some great writing, etc., though I started to feel slightly frustrated that it wasn't moving along at a faster pace. Only my thoughts but I gave up before the end.

Thanks for reading, Alexandra. You say some interesting things in your profile about your involvement in publishing and work as an editor, so you're obviously coming at it with a professional eye. This is my first novel, and I'm certain (in spite of dozens of re-writes) that what it will need is the attention of a good editor.
Delighted you're on board too, mafunyane, and thanks for the note re: humour. There is a bit, but maybe not enough to lighten the mood.
There's certainly a lot about how the character becomes ill a little later, Sarah; glad you liked it so far, amycm.
You're right about the tenses, tocksa and without giving anything away that kind of answers Jo's question, too (with the caveat above regarding editing).
I'm glad the dialogue seems to work, Tom - thanks; and thanks for the Calvino recommendation, James. He's now on my (actual) bookshelf!
I can understand your reservations, Clare - this book is 'finished' (in the sense that it reaches a conclusion) but still needs lots of work, which is why these comments are already coming in so handy. Thanks, everybody.

Tim

Tim, I really liked this. A great idea, clever execution (which is difficult to do without, as someone else as already suggested, being annoying) and a good read. I've only done chapter 1 but it got me hooked from the start.

No real criticisms so far. I'm not sure why but I had expected a little bit more (black) humour in places. I don't know how a depressed teen would behave but in general I'd expect a bit more sarcasm (either in their inner thoughts or in their dealings with adults) than you have here. I also was a bit confused about whether Frances actually believes she is ill/wants to be cured. Early on she describes an expectation that she thinks the psychiatrist is supposed to cure her. But later she debates that she isn't mad. Obvious ly, this isn't a straightforward issue but I guess I was looking for a clearer indication of how (if at all) she viewed her illness at this point.

You obviously know your stuff here, but I wonder if you've seen this article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/apr/07/healthandwellbeing.health . I read it a while ago and it stayed in my head for the sad humour that's there - particularly the part where, when discussing symptoms, the patient says they can't possibly be suffering from depression because that's how they feel all the time and the patient counsellor answers back, 'well have you ever considered that you might be depressed all the time?'.

Finally, I wonder why you haven't categorised this as teen/young adult as well as general fiction. It would certainly work in that genre - and I'd have found it a lot sooner!

Like it a lot - you're on my bookshelf now!

Tim,
You capture the insanity and obsession of the central character extremely well. I've only read a couple of chap[ters but am keen to find out how the character develops. I hope and wonder whether we'll discover more about how she was before she became ill.
Sarah

I loved this - in fact it's probably my favourite book on here so far. I'm jealous!

James E, I knew it would annoy someone. I liked the beginning of If On A Winter's, but by god I thought it was self-indulgent after the first couple of chapters. David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas, heavily influenced by it, finished the stories and that for all its sytlistic tricksiness made it by far the better book. Then again, If was one of many books I've not finished. If I get bored, it's hurling against the wall time for me.

Toska - agree with you about Tim's book, but can't beleive your Calvino comment!

Yup, this is very very good. It is instantly engaging and clever, without being annoying (If on a Winters Night a Traveller is deeply annoying, and dull to boot - well, I thought so). My only criticism is with the tenses. You want to write in the present, it gives it immediacy and a sense that the narrator doesn't know what is to happen "That's him now psychiatrising me", but then you slip into the past. Perhaps it doesn't bother others, but it bothered me. Are we in the present or the past when narrating the shrink and his questions? Otherwise spot on and to be backed.

Strong first chapter. Tremendous opening line. Crisp dialog.

Although I think there have been a number of successful novels in this vein, this is relatively original (if that makes sense) and is well-written, with a sharp dialogue. I think it is definitely better than some more highly rated books I have browsed, so I shall put it on my bookshelf.

Is it finished? I am dubious about the books which are incomplete, since the chapters may not "work out" and need to be changed....

Good luck

Clare (A Fall in the Paradise Gardens)

If you want to give Calvino a go, try "If On A Winter's Night a Traveller" which starts ' You are about to begin reading Italo Calvino's new novel, If on a winter's night a traveler. Relax. Concentrate...'

Given the style of your writing, I think you'll like it.

p.s. post the rest of this soon please, it's good. Will be adding to my shelf.

Hi tim, I just wanted to thank you for your kind comments on Scratch. Much appreciated, Danny

Thanks, James. Don't know Calvino (but I'll look him up!). You're right about this not being to everyone's taste, which I why - as new author - this site is going to prove so useful.

No worries about harsh criticism, Jason. (It's a cliche, but no-one can be harder on themselves than the author!) I'm very interested (having worked for years with teenagers, many troubled) by the way they very obviously construct a narrative for their own lives, and things go wrong when events occur that are out of place. So the whole thing is an extended metaphor for that, I suppose.

Glad you like what you've read, Sara - and thanks for the recommendations. But don't, please, remove your work from the site. (I want to read it!)

I'm very interested, Cindy (the more so as you're a professional). Any advice on the detail would be extremely useful.

Thanks,
Tim

Thanks for the observations on the dialogue, Cordia. It's so hard to get right.

Drat. Make that "analogy. Sorry. Take care. Cindy

Tim,

Both my psychologist and writer sides think this is a superb story. So far I've read two chapters and will finish as soon as I can. What a treat. (If you're interested, in my novel I approach the concept of "mental illness" with a "games" anology.) More later.

Cindy

Hi again. I have read some more and put a reccomendation on the forum. I hope many people come over to give this a read as it is fab. All the best and i have my fingers crossed for you.
:-)

Right, have read up Chpt 2 and same comments as before pretty much apply - love the concept, the writing is strong, the style consistent and original. The ideas in this (e.g. that her story is in fact already written) imply quite complex literary & philosophical ideas, but without overcoming the story aspect. Another comparison that came to light in this respect was Sophie's World.

The writing style of this book is so smooth and un-assuming that befor you know it you have read three chapters. I have a real soft spot for writers that have the ability to portray mental illness as normal, and the subtlty that Tim Atkinson has around this subject is a true gift.
The charictors are as real as if you had met them, and frankly i am amazed that this title isnt on more shelves.

I am now concidering removing mine, as this is way out of my league!

:-)

[The usual caveats apply today: 1) I am harsher in my critiques here than at book-review sites, simply because I figure working artists voluntarily looking for feedback on current projects from random strangers have thick skins and can handle it; 2) I don't read other comments until writing my own, so may bring up issues here that have already been hashed out via discussion.]

I'm a new member; this is the fifth book I've read here now, the second I've written up notes for, and without a doubt the best so far of them all. In general I really loved the metafictional elements of this manuscript, the way it is simultaneously a story about storytelling and also a supposed transcript of a teen girl's psychoanalysis sessions, as seen through the filter of the ironic, distancing fictional novel she herself is writing about her life. It gives the author not only ample opportunity to play with the concept of reality versus fiction, of predetermination versus free will, but also to have a deeply unreliable narrator (a personal favorite of mine in literature), a highly complex girl on the cusp of womanhood who we both love and despise simultaneously (just as is the case with many real teenagers), precisely because she is having a hard time figuring out how to make that transition into adulthood, and all the strange dark complex emotions that come with it. In addition, the author's personal style is a mature and commercially-friendly one, a solid and humorous voice that finds a naturally pleasing rhythm and pattern for the teen girl at the center of the story; plus it's obvious that the storyline itself has already been well-thought-out and plotted, and that the book will eventually have deeper and more metaphorical things to say by the end. If I were an editor at a major press, I'd put this on my shortlist.

Specific reading notes below, listed in story order. INCLUDES MAJOR SPOILERS.

--I like the references to future events that are casually dropped in; this could be silly and gimmicky if handled wrongly, but done with finesse here, I thought.

--In some ways, this reminds me of Marisha Pessl's "Special Topics in Calamity Physics" -- this over-intelligent, over-educated teen girl at the center, using the story-within-a-story structure of her writing not only to create cool ironic distance from everyone else, but also as a sincere way for her semi-formed teenage mind to try to make sense of her situation.

--I also like the constant pulling from one literary reality (omniscient narrator telling a "you are there" story) to another (she's actually retelling all this in the future to a psychiatrist, who keeps interrupting her). It's a good balance the author has achieved, letting us just start getting used to one style again before yanking us back into the other. Be careful, though; too much of this would be gimmicky and not as effective.

--I like the way things are being set up, personal-style-wise, so that the story could expand in the second half if the author wanted -- into a more stream-of-consciousness, surrealist tale about reality versus expectation, etc. I can see the author planting little hints here in the first 10,000 words about how the story might deepen and go in that direction; it's something I'd like to see happen with this manuscript. That said, be warned that the story already starts getting a little too digressive and rambling even in the last two chapters currently posted (5 and 6); it's something to keep a tight lid on if expanding in this direction as the manuscript continues.

--In the last two chapters (5 and 6), I'm torn between thinking it a lovely little example of the sort of overblown, overdramatic things an over-intelligent teenage girl might tell herself when she thinks she's in love with a nerdy middle-aged man; and perhaps the whole thing being just a bit too much on the nose, too much of what an actual nerdy middle-aged man might think teenage girls would find attractive in nerdy middle-aged men. But I'm a nerdy middle-aged man, so it's hard for me to tell. I kept getting really charmed by these parts, in kind of a dark way that made me think, "Geez, she's pretty much one step away from turning to stalking;" but that's part of her charm, I think, that she's young and overanalytical and intense and doesn't quite understand her emotions, and that it all comes bubbling out of her in ways she doesn't realize could turn quite dark and disastrous in the future if she wanted them to.

--A nice touch in chapter 6: When directly confronted with the question of whether she slept with her high-school English teacher, she becomes obsessed over whether the correct phrase is "make love -to- him" or "make love -with- him." That expresses a lot about the character in a nice, tight, succinct, smart, funny way; fellow authors checking out this manuscript, please pay attention to little things like this that the author has done throughout, and realize that this is what writing professors always mean when they say about your characters, "Show, don't tell."

This is an interesting pitch - I'm a sucker for anything 'metatextual' or whatever the phrase is nowadays. The opening paragraph is good (shades of Calvino) and I like the way that style continues. It may well not be to everyone's taste but I like it.

I've only had chance to read Chapter 1. but I like it so far. Well written, good dialogue. (The exchnage "There's no such thing as 'madness' " / "But that's crazy" really made me smile.) Will add to my watch list to read the rest. Good luck on this site.