The Firelord's Crown

Airen the healer is looking for the sixth piece of the crown to take back to Mandras in the land of Dinith, but for the intervention of Rollo, swordman and trusted friend/cousin to Prince Falath, rebels may well have ended the quest and Airens life. Back at the city of Syranym, Avarin hears of the healers rescue, which is a devastating shock because he has been slowly poisining the Prince, in duplicity with Ormbrand, who hopes to take over the regency council upon the death of King Galadron.
Prince Falath may not be as flambouyant as Lord Rollo, his suave and charming friend, but Airen is in good company in this smashing fantasy adventure. Guardsman and servants, horses and snowstorms 'The Firelords Crown has the lot, its a rip roaring tale on a grandiose scale, they don't do bland, nor are they pretentious, its a crowning jewel on the firelords crown.
Excellent stuff.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

The changes you have made are turning this from a good book into a really great book! Why don't publishers realise that there is a whole world of us out here gagging for good fantasy! So glad to have found this. Keep up the excellent work! :D

Jim,

Your story-telling capability is simply superb, as is your colorful characterization, and these are unquestionably some of the highlights of this novel. The culture and characters described here are fully realized, and the overall atmosphere that this novel achieves is that of the finest kind of fable. The plot is well thought out, and the action moves along fluidly with no dead spots or literary potholes. The reader instantly feels that thrill and sense of being part of the world you've created, drawn in by characters as interesting and diverse as real people. But it is your mega-watt prose, ripe with vivid imagery and fitting dialogue, that gives you the edge over other fantasy writers I've read here.

All in all, this story is elegantly told with a well-structured plot and fascinating characters that breathe life into a magical, imaginative storyline.

Best of luck to you, Jim!
Isabel

From the pitch, you have deep plot and a well worked-out background to place it in. To judge from the first chapter, the plot is developing well, with a satisfying level of mystery and intrigue. plus some well-developed characters.

Two small quibbles. Firstly, beware of over-long sentences, such as in paragraph 2, beginning 'His desperation....' I stumbled over that a bit, and it broke the flow a bit. I haven't come across any other like that though, so it might be the only one.

Secondly, I was a little confused when Falath shivered in the draught from the hearth - yet it seems that there was a fire burning. Shivering suggests cold air to me!

This minor points aside, this looks like a very good fantasy novel, and I will put it on my shelf.

Wow. You do a truly excellent job of weaving in exposition into your first chapter, and into your first paragraphs. Falath's world isn't the same as mine, and you give nice bite-sized bits of information on it to ease me in. Nice!

I'm afraid that I don't have time right now to read all that you have up, but there's no doubt I'll be coming back to read more. Good fantasies are hard to find and you've got me very curious about what comes next. The prose is skilled, smooth and very neatly paced.

The short pitch is very good. It instantly made me want to read on. Good display of imagination here.

The Firelord's Crown
Hi Jim, only had a chance to read a tiny bit but I was immediately hooked. I think all has been said already so I'll just say good luck and thanks for backing Shattered Dreams.
Kristen Stone
Shattered Dreams
Kianda Mala - The Monkey Man

Hard for me to pass on any comments since this is not my genre, however I liked the pace and structure. The opening drew the reader in and chapter 1 finished strongly. I suspect fantasy fans will love your style. One minor niggle, be wary of overusing !! in dialogue. Best of luck with your writing. I've backed.
Shaun

Your first chapter has fabulous imagery. I would almost call it literary, in fact, I think it definiteky is literary. It manages to keep the action flowing with just the right amount of description. I then had a look at chapter 29. Again this is lovely descriptive writing and the reader is drawn in almost as though watching on a screen. Excellently done. I would however, cut the length of your chapters. In this case would probable split it where you start 'he awoke early'. Already backed. Good luck with this. Sarah

Jim, engaging from the get-go. fine pace and prose that pulled me in; e.g., the "Go back. Return. He is coming" refrain. powerful descriptions + characterizations as well.
i usually pass on some editing thoughts, but no qibbles here.

i may have backed you months ago, but on my shelf again.

very best, andy

THE FIRELORD'S CROWN - 8/29/2010

Good opening. Need to watch multiple occurrences of 'but' in a sentence. Vivid descriptions and hearty dialogue make the chapter exciting. Gestures with the dialogue give excellent pictures of the speakers.

Chapter 2 - if you're going for middle ages dialogue, you might want to read more books from that period. What I've read here is a hybrid laced with colloquial vocabulary. Maybe it's supposed to be that way, but it sounds incomplete for this book.

In later chapters, your fluent style continues. I appreciate the sentence structure and good choice of words. The action might be a bit much all together. It is often preferable to have ups and downs varying in intensity. It breaks up the story and gives the reader a chance to shift gears from excitement to the lull.

Good book. You should do well with it. Good luck.

Marc - Where's The Ivy

Great concept and brilliant cover. This is a well written tale which reveals a wonderful, creative talent. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

This is excellent and reads really well, involving the reader from the off. Falath is a great MC, the reader immediately feels for him in his situation. Rollo is great too, a professional swordman with a sad family history. I really like Airen the healer. He works well as the fish out of water that things have to be explained to. Background and 'history' is fully developed and dialogue is just right. :)

Are you planning to put up part two of The Firelord's Crown as I have reached the end of part 1 and am gagging to read the next part" !!!!!!

Hello – Just so that you know, I tend to comment as I read, as if I was thinking aloud, and I don’t crit grammar etc. because there are plenty of people who are much better qualified that I on this site. If I have read your book and commented it is because I enjoyed it and truly believe it has value and so I don’t often make negative comments. The exception is if you have specifically asked me to read and then I believe that you deserve an honest opinion.

The Firelord’s Crown

Great cover

Not really my choice of genre I have to admit, however, the writing is excellent. The scene painting is very vivid and enthralling, I could feel the cold and imagine the wild terrain very easily. Falath is believable as a character (within the confines of this genre of course) and the dialogue is appropriate and believable for the setting.

I think that you have imagined a very well rounded and three dimensional world here and I am sure that this story will find great appeal amongst lovers of this genre not least because it is so well written.

I am more than happy to put this on my shelf because I think you are a skilful and imaginative writer and this deserves to do well.

Excellent read. You're precise and the story is a page-turner.

'Nough said!

Backed!

Suz

This is a very well written story in depth characters, real life imagery, dangers and situations. and a tale which is hard to stop reading. I did get thrown out slightly by some odd punctuation. e.g Rollo said. New paragraph, then the dialogue. I would have assumed the Rollo said and dialogue would have been on the same line.
It wasn't enough to mar my enjoyment of the piece though.

Very well done.

S.J.

This story has a lot to offer, a lot of promise, though I do have to agree with an earlier poster who brought up the "jumping heads" issue. I've had the same problem in the past with my own writing until a good friend pointed it out. I've backed this because it is a very interesting read and I believe has quite a lot of potential. I would urge you, however, to fix the head-jumping before it reaches the desk because you will have squandered a great opportunity.

Dear Jim,

Congratulations, I think. You are the first writer I have seen on this site who actually put too much action in the beginning of his book!

Those who read only the first chapter will think this book a marvelous example of its genre: dense, action-packed, heavily descriptive, with a fully-realized fantasy setting.

However, as one reads on, the action continues unabated, without pause. After a while it palls. The complex nature of the setting, combined with the non-stop action, serves to confuse the reader. This, added to the convenient "riddled with passages" nature of the castle, means that, by the end of Chapter 5, I still had no clear picture of the overall plan of the castle, or the objectives of the characters.

In a similar manner, your constant unneeded changes of POV had me mixed up as to who was the main character. If you switch from Rollo to Falath and back again, fine, but you keep head-hopping to numerous others at will. Very disorienting.

I also found the plot overly complex. They spend most of the first ten chapters getting to the Sanctuary (while the enemy seems to be conveniently unable to enter a defenseless castle), where they immediately turn around and head for the castle walls to escape.

It is only after they start on their straight-line flight out of the castle that the story becomes clear, and the reader has time to get to know the characters and their individual conflicts. At that point, I began to follow it all, and to enjoy it immensely.

I suggest a major "slash and burn" edit to the first dozen chapters, to simplify the action and figure out (so you can communicate it to the audience) what the main threads of the plot and conflict are.

I will support this book, because it is a great story with sympathetic characters, but it needs a lot of work, paying more heed to the standard novel format. An opening exposition section has its purposes.

I'm going back to finish the book. Thanks for putting it up in its entirety :-)
Gordon Long
A Sword Called…Kitten?

I can't say I've read much of this type of story.I expect I would have enjoyed it when I was fifteen. It's well written and slowly builds up tension. I found myself wondering about the mysterious poison. I expect I would enjoy it once I got to suspend my disbelief of people with such odd names. It's the genre I know, and a lot of fun.

Fantasy is hard to do originally - rather like vampires - it's got so many cliches and well known threads of its own, but you manage it here. The idea is good - the lost parts of an item that needs to be put together again (or not!) is a fantasy staple, but it's how a writer makes it fresh that counts. You have managed it here, with a fresh voice and a good MC that I warmed to, and an interesting, credible world for him to inhabit.
Watchlisted to back when my queue is done in order.
Polly.
STONES.

Great story, great writing, good characters. You have managed to convey your different world with clarity. I truly can'at suggest much to improve it. Hope to see it zoooming up the charts Jaye Hill The Fantasy Trip

Sweeping and engaging prose, great fantasy. At times all the adjectives can seem a bit cluttered and I think it would improve the pace by simply removing lots of words from each chapter. 'boggy roots', 'gully faces', 'stricken yell', 'dull thud' etc.

Having said that the writing is very accomplished and I think this will do very well.
Happily backed, Fabrice, Club Wars

Easy to see why you're soaring up the charts....very well written and easy to read...well done and good luck to you.
...backed.

Angus Shoor Caan
Violet Hiccup

Jim, this is amazing writing. It's such a privilege to read such talent on here. Good luck with this.
Lynn :)

Hi Jim,
Very impressive . . . drawn in by the first few sentences, moves along at quick easy to read pace. I only read the first chapter, but I have to say I liked it very much, definately a page turner. I'm sure you'll have much success with this brilliantly written novel!
And thanks again, not only for your support of "Hybrid," but for that of "Losing the Hate," it was much appreciated.
Wish you all the best,
Cly

Stunning prose, an absolute pleasure to read...very exciting story, ooooh...I hope you are published.

Alison Butler :)

The narrative flows well. It's on the shelf.

Hi Jim,
I take great plesure in only backing books that deserve it..., and your book is most definately one of them.
It is superbly written, and whereas it's not my usual genre, I thought everything about it was excellent.
It's a job well done, and I hope to see it on the Ed's desk before too long.
backed.
Sye
Losing The Hate

How can anyone not be impressed with you skill as a writer. I was totally absorbed. I think your ability to build tension and deliver the climax is par excellence.
I really enjoy this type of book and have read a lot of fantasy. This easily compares, if not surpasses, the quality of those published books. The dramatic end to chapter 33 needed to be followed by enough intrigue and interest in 34 - you did not disappoint.
I cannot think why this would not be published and wish you all the best with it.
regards
Alice

Excellent plot , although remember to keep all the story parts flowing at equal pace. Impressive cover - who designed it please? Appreciate any comment/backing of my childrens' book, The Paperbat adventures. [Jerry]

Jim - you've done very well to create this world.

Backed! :)

Backed The Firelords Crown. I pictured Falath as an Arnold Schwarzenegger living in a Tolkien world. Very nice work. Best of Luck!
CC Brown
Dark Side

Thanks for keeping me upto date with the site! I added your book to mybookshelf, i'll try to read it over the nxt few days.

Conor,
The hydromancer

This is brilliant...I only read the opening, because I have to go to bed, but it is briliant..You certainly write very well, and I say that rarely. There is a tense, a terseness to the opening chapter....I'll be back!

Great opening chapter, excellent description at the beginning and Falath seems like an intriguing character! Look forward to reading more.
All the best
Rachael

This one is not for me, but then I never have been a fan of Tolkienesque type writing, heavy, dense and, imo, overly descriptive. I confess I wasn't sure of the purpose of the first scene, I thought something was going to happen, but he got where he was going, with a few scratches. Watch out for cliches, saw a few and it always jars me from the flow e.g. tore sobs from his lips; weak as a newborn; robbed of breath. Jake

I like Falath so far! He is engaging and just a tad rebellious and colorful. Good reading.

Backed,
Justis Call
Prestidigitations

Passionate and vivid writing. This book grabs the reader from the very 1st scene. I'm happy to back you. :)

Pete

This is the type of book I pick up and read obsessively until I reach the final page where I struggle to prolong the adventure. Once I've read the final word, I burst into tears because I no longer inhabit the strange world I've been reading about. So I start the book again, page one.

You have me hook line and sinker.

Hi Jim

Very dramatic and gripping opening - it reminds me of the bit in LOTR when they try to go over that mountain pass instead of going through the mines of Moria. Falath is a sympathetic MC and the prose is straightforward and serves the purpose of the narrative well. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Good opening chapter, crisp narrative getting the hooks into the reader early on. I like this.

Jim,The Firelords Crown: you certainly have a way with words, your descriptions are awesome and the settings are great You have a real talent for making the setting and characters come alive..
I love dark fantasies and this appears to be a very good one.
Njoy
*moods and expressions*

Jim,

I believe I read some of The Firelord's Crown awhile ago, but I'm not sure I commented. If I didn't, I meant to, because this is extremely well done! I wish I had time to read a lot more.

You've done a wonderful job in chapter 1 of integrating description of setting with action and hints of character and backstory. As a reader, I want to read on and find answers: why is Falath so weak? Why does his father hate him? What is this voice, compelling him to return? Who is coming? Fal's interaction with Rollo reveals in a few lines a lifetime of fellowship, and hints at political complications that we will surely learn more about. By the time Fal reveals his secret, the reader should be as heartbroken as both he and Rollo are, and as intrigued by the mystery.

I found only two tiny nitpicks needing correction:

It slid silently too behind him . . . You want "to" here.

"Just long after you went into conference . . ." Did you mean "Not long after"? "Just after"? Either would work.

This is easy to back. Good luck with it!

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

Finally got home, read, and happily backed! Good luck!

Jim, Your book is fantastic. i read it and I feel like I'm the one there, I can see it through detail after detail. I love books like these and it's vivid, a great imagination! Best of luck with your book. Your character Falath is truley one of a kind. :-), to the E.D it should be!

Jessica
A Daughter's Sacrifice
BACKED!

Airen the healer is looking for the sixth piece of the crown to take back to Mandras in the land of Dinith, but for the intervention of Rollo, swordman and trusted friend/cousin to Prince Falath, rebels may well have ended the quest and Airens life. Back at the city of Syranym, Avarin hears of the healers rescue, which is a devastating shock because he has been slowly poisining the Prince, in duplicity with Ormbrand, who hopes to take over the regency council upon the death of King Galadron.
Prince Falath may not be as flambouyant as Lord Rollo, his suave and charming friend, but Airen is in good company in this smashing fantasy adventure. Guardsman and servants, horses and snowstorms 'The Firelords Crown has the lot, its a rip roaring tale on a grandiose scale, they don't do bland, nor are they pretentious, its a crowning jewel on the firelords crown.
Excellent stuff.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

My husband loved it...you're backed. Lizzie Scott :-)

Great world you've created and I love the descriptions. Backed.

The Firelord's Crown. Such a great title with great pitches, both long and short. From the start, the reader can tell that this is a thrilling story set at a great pace. The writing really draws the reader in and captures their attention, making them want to know what happens next. This is such an intriguing story with fantasric characterisation. Definitely a story I want to come back to in order to read further.

Ray

This is very well written, and I adore the setting :) Definitely putting on my WL to read more of later :) Keep up the good work :)

Dear Jim

Wow, i love it... i have to read more (perhaps when i'm not at work lol) and i'm completly hooked. Great intro, great first chapter... so far i'm just completly addicted.

Amberly

Good story telling and good dialogue. For a prince, Falath is not afraid to get his hands dirty--this makes him unique and interesting. You have captured a certain "realness" with your storytelling that makes for an exciting read. Best wishes!

R.A. Baker