The Firelord's Crown

I love it, I absolutely love it. The use of language is amazing, the hooks are perfect to grab the reader's attention, and the dire situations of Falath make me want to keep reading until the end! I love how it's thrown straight into the action, the perfect first line to make me want to read on.

Backed, starred and watchlisted :)

RK Summers

Hi Jim,
I love this book and what I have read so far will bring me back to read more. It grabs you from the first line and flows very clearly and at a perfect pace. Your description is clear and you can see what is happening without any confusion. I will be back to read more. A great read of what I've read so far. Is it available to buy, I would be intersted in a copy?

I have several books on my page, feel free to view them at your convenience.
All the best.
Keith.

I'm only starting to get into fantasy myself and your book is helping me to understand why I should continue. Your characters are clear and relatable. Hard to find in fiction so appreciate that. Nice job! I'm going to keep reading it now :)

The firelord's crown -
this is so amazing, and i've only read the first chapter so far. This is exactly the book i would have on my shelf at home and stay up all night to read. It's spellbinding, and i love it.
This deserves it's spot as number 1 on the ED, and it also deserves publishing. Amazingly written, and you have great talent at painting with words.
Backed with absolute pleasure
abi

IN RESPONSE TO HC REVIEW / E M Delaney wrote:

I'd buy it! Just the way it is.
Just saying.....

Jim,

today I felt I needed a break from editing and writing, so I decided to read some fantasy on the site. I remembered I owed you one and here I am.

I read your first chapter where I felt I wanted to stop.
Positives: Off-the-charts vocabulary. Interesting character concept for Falath and Rollo. The archaic use of laguage was atmospheric.
Negatives: Your point of view as a narrator and the voice, mainly. I think these two are the reasons I didn't carry on reading. Part of this was the tagging in the dialogues. You explain a lot whereas you show it in the dialogue, or could have, as you are clearly potent with its use. Commenting on someone's voice is never easy, or objective for that matter. It felt flat to me, that's all.

Finally, I would have you reconsider the names of nearly every character. It's not they aren't fantasy-like, it's that to me they didn't fit the characters they were assigned to. Rollo doesn't bring in mind the second best swordsman in the kingdom, it does however describe very well the occasional sneaky, streetsmart rogue. In my opinion, names are half the world-building in a fantasy setting, they can be descriptions on their own.

Obviously the above comments are just my take and I maybe considered picky or just of different taste. I have quit reading renowned fantasy authors, which doesn't make me the average reader.

That is all from me, I hope I could be of help.

Yannis

What a great story! I love these kind of books and can never find enough in the shops to feed my appetite which are well written and, above all, interesting and different! Falath is a great character and I like how his cousin is so different, so quiet but commanding. Then we get Airen and you have the mix for a great fantasy adventure. The last chapter left me desperate to read more - never mind the missing bit in the middle! - so I have gone to check out the second part too!

What a really great read this is!

DID enjoy this very much. You write well - the kind of smooth writing that reaches the imagination without snagging on the brain at all!
Sequal beginnings are difficult, to get the right balance of new story, with filling in last book for this who've forgotten/ not read it, but I think you managed it well.
Your protagonists are very likeable and I'm definately curious enough to look at book one.

One thing. One little, little thing - and I'm guessing it's too late now, since it's book 2 - but 'Rollo'? Makes me think of someone small and squishy...
Sorry.

Lindsay
A Priest's Tale

I love it, I absolutely love it. The use of language is amazing, the hooks are perfect to grab the reader's attention, and the dire situations of Falath make me want to keep reading until the end! I love how it's thrown straight into the action, the perfect first line to make me want to read on.

Backed, starred and watchlisted :)

RK Summers

What a great story, Jim. I am so glad you told me about this site! I have backed some books already and guess what I'll be doing this weekend!

What can I say that hasn't already been said? I love it. Reads perfectly and the story sucked me in from the first line. You should be published already! I'd buy it.

Seth

Jim, can I join the chorus of fans demanding to know when they can get their hands on a copy of The Firelord's Crown? This is an excellent read and I will happily recommend it anyone, fantasy fan or not. In fact, I just did on the forum :)

I am desperately waiting for the next part to appear. Please, upload it soon!!!!!

Still checking back for the next bit.

I'm only starting to get into fantasy myself and your book is helping me to understand why I should continue. Your characters are clear and relatable. Hard to find in fiction so appreciate that. Nice job! I'm going to keep reading it now :)

I'm only starting to get into fantasy myself and your book is helping me to understand why I should continue. Your characters are clear and relatable. Hard to find in fiction so appreciate that. Nice job! I'm going to keep reading it now :)

I'm only starting to get into fantasy myself and your book is helping me to understand why I should continue. Your characters are clear and relatable. Hard to find in fiction so appreciate that. Nice job! I'm going to keep reading it now :)

Jim,

The world that you've created is very original and interesting. It is a shame not to share it with the rest of the world. There are very few original ideas in this day and age. You have a great way with words and talent. The characters are real. Your setting is unique, you took a risk and chose a setting most people are afraid to write about because they've never experienced it.
Self publish?

-Shadowchime

It sounds interesting and I will read a few more chapters to see where the story start to go and will respond with what I think

Just had to create comment number 888! :D

Hi Jim,
I love this book and what I have read so far will bring me back to read more. It grabs you from the first line and flows very clearly and at a perfect pace. Your description is clear and you can see what is happening without any confusion. I will be back to read more. A great read of what I've read so far. Is it available to buy, I would be intersted in a copy?

I have several books on my page, feel free to view them at your convenience.
All the best.
Keith.

IN REPONSE TO HC REVIEW ALSO

This is perhaps the least constructive review I have ever come across. Even great fantasy work's when broken down have area's of clunkiness. However regarding this work as a whole, I reckon it is a great fantasy. I also push you to persevere Jim....I have quite a bit left to read but my first impressions are rave and I feel compelled to read on. I do hope this gets published....best wishes....Ayesha (will be adding my fantasy novel on soon (: )

Smashing read, Jim. Don't you dare chop too much out, its the detail I like the most. really brings a book to life!

I am glad you are leaving this up for people to read and thank you for making your review public. I am guessing lots of other people have not done so even if they could. Maybe they did not like what was written or did not agree with it. I think yours was very positive and that perhaps you should do as it suggests. Go on a mini adjective trawl but not too much as the description for me is a strong point. You may be able to trim some paragraphs out but, again, don't go mad. For me the little touches are what makes a book like this 'real'. :)

An entertaining read, comparable to the best of fantasy fiction

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

I read your Harper review. When you rewrite please contact me and let me know so I can back it again.

Hi Jim, you're story is very good, mesmerising even, with plenty of desription.

I can see how loved you are as an author but hope you don't mind a critique from me?

Whilst I love the imagery you create, I feel a lot of it is let down by your over-use of adjectives. I get excited as I get to a scene but then there's so many words in the way, which, I feel are unecessary, that by the time I've got to the climax, I'm kind of losing interest.

Description can be good to create the scene and it fits in with your tone but I feel when I'm reading it as though you're trying too hard, almost like you're trying to convince me.

It's impressive writing but in my opinion, and it's just that, I feel your actual structure carries the story and to me, there's a lot of adjectives that kill it, too.

I love reading the scenes, however, getting to them seems to be a stumbling block.

Nevertheless, I'm still learning and editing and I still see this book on a shelf in Waterstones. Your passion is evident with every stroke.

And, as I say, it's just my opinion.

Emma

It's taken me a while to get round to reading this, but I finally managed to get it finished. Congrats on the review, by the way!

Now, on to my thoughts. I noticed a few grammatical errors (commas in odd/wrong places, for instance) and a couple of spelling errors and these tended to take me out of the story a bit, but that's one of my quirks. Perhaps a good spell-check would remedy them, but perhaps not (I've found errors in my own writings after repeated spell-checkings). I saw the note on your profile about changing Oberon to Beron and I did notice a few places where you missed the change (find and replace is invaluable for changing things like that). I also noticed a couple of references to Ashfalath and one to Borlas where I believe Rollo was intended. Are these similar instances of name changes? Borlas in particular had me confused for a moment.

I found the pace of the opening chapter to be rather slow, but this is not the sort of thing I normally read. Despite that, I felt compelled to keep reading. I planned to read the first five chapters but when I finished chapter five, I couldn't help but keep going and by the time I got to the end, I was thoroughly hooked. I would love to see what happens next!

I hope you find my comments useful but if not, that's okay, too. Have a nice day and congrats again on the HC review!

congratulations!
Something that goes along with this idea is the arbitrary word limit (Google first novel word limit).
Normal books are 80,000 and fantasy is somewehere near 110,000. My queries to agents were trashed unread when they saw this. I worked *hard* to lower mine from 145K to 125K, and I still need to squeeze more.
I think Stephen King uses the "cut 10 percent" rule in his "On Writing". But it feels like cutting off fingers and toes. I couldn't even cut my own kids' umbical cords because they were alive and pulsing.

Scott Rhine (Foundation for the Lost)

i realy enjoyed this book, good luck for the future.

IN RESPONSE TO HC REVIEW / E M Delaney wrote:

I'd buy it! Just the way it is.
Just saying.....

There are grammatical errors and that can be forgiven The style is quite unusual and that was pleasing to me. It is an easy read and kept my attention. It needs more editing but other than that I think you have a winner.

I'm enjoying this so far. You snagged my attention. It's descriptive and I can see it in my mind. I'm going to keep this on my book shelf as I am only doing first chapters today.

Love the title and the cover. Congrats on making it to the Editor's Desk. I love your wording and style, fits the story very well. Only critique I will make is that I just read that editors/agents/publishers hate it when a story starts with dialogue, especially dialogue that ends in an exclamation point. Not sure how true that is, I kind of like the way it started.

Oh! I'm sorry to say I didn't comment in time. This is an excellent story. The very first paragraph was so fast paced that I did get slightly lost but after that it was fantastic. The characters are so well developed and diverse from the very start. You did well with describing the setting and tansitioned easily between scenes without awkwardly throwing the reader from one place to another. And the story line is amazing --really engages the reader and makes me want to read more. You really gets involved in the story; it's like I just jumped in and i'm walking through next to the characters. This is a story that i'll definatly continue reading and it deserves every ounce of success that it recieves.

Neicy

Hi Jim
Very well written, enjoyed the first chapter. It pulled me right in and kept me going.
Well done job.
Frank

I've read through everything you posted. Very clear characters that remain consistent throughout. A good ear for dialogue and a nice balance between descriptive setting of scenes in the midst or relaying action. A compelling and interesting read. Congrats again on reaching the ED and I hope this is one more step towards getting published. Q

Well done! :D

Amazing story. I keep checking for updates all the time.

Congrats, Jim on making the Editor's Desk. Well Done!!!

Congrats on making the editors desk!!!!!! Nicely done :D

Per your request, I've backed your book. Looking forward to the read. I'm sending you good wishes that the editor loves your book!!! Congratulations!!!! Sincerely, Marie - 'Sun Shine and Rain'

Man, I love your bookcover! :D

Hello Jim,

I'm sorry I didn't read this last night as I promised. I was so tired I crashed out early. I seem to be doing it a lot lately! But I got here in the end and I'm so glad I did. You have a great way with words, and they flow well on the page. The beginning has a sense of urgency to it so that the reader has to read on. I loved the imagery too in this I could see Faleth climbing the mountain, feel the bitterness of the wind and could sense his pain, but also his strength. That part reminded me a bit of the hobbit in Lord of the Rings when he's on his journey to take back the ring. You show the reader what is happening and show the emotions too in a way that is not overdone or too little. I have really enjoyed this and hope to come back and read some more. So glad that you have managed to get to the ED's desk, you deserve it. Good luck, Jim. I wish you all the best at the top.

Lisa.
Grimeon's Pass.

Hello Jim,

I'm sorry I didn't read this last night as I promised. I was so tired I crashed out early. I seem to be doing it a lot lately! But I got here in the end and I'm so glad I did. You have a great way with words, and they flow well on the page. The beginning has a sense of urgency to it so that the reader has to read on. I loved the imagery too in this I could see Faleth climbing the mountain, feel the bitterness of the wind and could sense his pain, but also his strength. That part reminded me a bit of the hobbit in Lord of the Rings when he's on his journey to take back the ring. You show the reader what is happening and show the emotions too in a way that is not overdone or too little. I have really enjoyed this and hope to come back and read some more. So glad that you have managed to get to the ED's desk, you deserve it. Good luck, Jim. I wish you all the best at the top.

Lisa.
Grimeon's Pass.

My opinion?
Yes, too much 'action'. I think there is too much description of the character's physical actions as opposed to plot movement. Stage directions. He climbs over this, he hurts that, but the reader doesn't know why any of this is happening, so the reader gets impatient. What are the main plot points you want to convey? Action is not plot. I'd cut a lot of that stuff and add a bit of (not too much, mind) information of the worldbuilding type. How does this world stick together and what does the character feel about it? You do a bit of this in the first paragraph, but long sections of text after that are pure description of clambering and struggling that don't add an awful lot in terms of plot movement.

Jim, I really like what you've done here. I must say as an old Pen & Paper warhorse that I have the greatest respect for writers like you who manage to not only create a fascinating setting and loveable (and believable!), three-dimensional characters, but who also take the world they've create seriously. I love it.

And congrats for getting to the ED! :)

This is still one of my favourite books on the site at the moment. :)

Hang in there, old son. :)

Hi Jim, I read the first few chapters to your book and it's excellent! Your writing style is perfectly captivating and although I've only read a small amount, I will definitely return to read more. I'm also amazed at how closely your story follows to the plot of a book that I wrote years ago. I was a new author and after sever rejections I gave up and shelved the book and never did anything with it. Good for you. This book deserves to go to the top!
...ronnie (author of Mudslide and Web Secrets - two books that I did publish)

I have added you to my watchlist and will have a look at it in a few days. Congratulations on your high ranking!
Sue50

Oh wow, you got to the Editors Desk! Way to go, congratulations. I came back to see if book 2 was up yet and maybe persuade you to let me read what you have of book 3 *gives author big puppydog eyes*

Hey, Harper Collins, will you hurry up and publish this already! I do NOT want the author to give up before completing book 3 dammit. I want to know what happens!

"The Firelord's Crown" - Jim Darcy. I read the 1st chapter and scanned 2-3 as well as several comments. You have a good understanding of your style of writing and medieval combat. Some thoughts: chapter 1 was a little slow for me - describing the scenes with almost painful use of adj. and adv. slowed the action - I didn't feel the character's danger; you might want to consider shorter sentences when danger threatens; chapters 2 & 3 are crisper. Bookshelf for sci-fi., fantasy style.

Gideon
"Thrill Writer's Remorse"

Wish I had time to read more.

The reader is thrown straight into the action on what we believe is a run for his life until he returns home. The struggle through the storm paints a really clear picture . I like the end of chp 1 as throughout this chp we feel we are with Falath but then we see Rolo's feelings and reading on through chp 2 I feel this is more about him than Falath.

I thought you described the fight scene well in chp 2 'the stroke sliced into the folds of his mantle and turning the earth crimson'

Good luck, backed.

Red