Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 54421
date submitted 08.11.2009
date updated 08.01.2012
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Firelord's Crown

Jim Darcy

Would you do everything within your power to save your people? Even consort with sorcerers or risk damning your soul? That's Falath's choice.

 

After a devastating misuse of magic the world of Riom shifts on its axis, initiating another Ice Age. Two thousand years pass before Tamilin, Master Healer and Seer, uncovers this truth. He learns that the only chance of saving his world from unrelenting winter is to reforge the Firelord’s Crown, the powerful artefact that was instrumental in the original magical battle.


But the circlet was divided up amongst six companions who took ship and headed for safety when their homeland was destroyed. During the voyage one of the ships vanished but the segment her captain guarded will be needed to complete the Crown. Tamilin believes that it may lie far in the uncharted north and dispatches an expedition in search of it.

Airen, lone survivor of the venture, reaches the land called Dinith, where he hopes to find the lost piece. Dinith however, is a land in turmoil. Magic is forbidden, the glories of the past forgotten. Airen and his quest are not welcome but could Falath, the King's heir, be the ally that he desperately craves? Perhaps, but Falath, descendant of the Lost Ship, has his own secrets...





 
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, magic, maisterie, prince, quest adventure friendship betrayal exile revenge sorcery secrets, sorcery

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Descent

 

 

   “Light Above!”

   Falath stared in horror at the wall of ice crystals hurtling towards him. He cowered back against the rockface and braced himself for the crush of the snowblast. The wind punched into his thin frame and buried needles in his exposed flesh even as it tore sobs from his lips. Lord of Light, preserve me! he croaked.

   The driving flurry subsided and Falath loosened his grip. Raw fingers ached as he kneaded the numbness from his side. Light, but he was weak! His desperation to escape the clamouring of disgruntled nobles had driven him to seek this respite in the wild but now, with darkness and the storm closing in around him, he bitterly regretted his folly. Why, why had he duped Ilin, the one sworn to protect him from such dangers? Because you craved some time alone, he reminded himself. Time to deal with the demons that haunt your dreams; time to consider how best to spend what little future remains to you. But the snowstorm had caught him out. 

   Falath sucked in more ice and stumbled on. Blinded by the sleet, he almost missed the thornbrake that signalled the edge of the track. He swerved, to avoid its barbs but, as he turned, his foot caught and he fell. The tumble robbed him of his breath and he lay in a sodden heap, cursing the weakness that pinned him there. Seventeen summers old? He felt more like seven hundred! Perhaps he should just let nature take its course - there were worse ways to die.

  His left hand throbbed angrily and he looked at this new hurt. The stumble had crushed the small stone that he clutched into his palm. When he scaled the White Falls earlier, with the intention of never coming back, the stone had sparkled in a glint of winter sun and distracted him. Return. Go back. He is coming. The voice echoed within the recesses of his mind; compelling his obedience. Return. Go back. He is coming. Go back to the life that choked him? Back to the father that despised him? For what purpose? The doom you sense is not certain. You shall be needed. Go back. 

   Such was the majesty of those words that he had indeed turned back from the ledge but the thought of return was easier than the deed. The ridgeway was treacherous at the best of times and the squall made it doubly so. He stowed the stone, his promise of hope, in his belt-purse. As he straightened up, however, a rogue gust caught him off-balance and the sheer gully faces spiralled into view. Falath threw himself backwards but his boot slipped on more loose scree and he pitched downhill with a stricken yell.

   The iced bracken was crystal-smooth. Falath slid freely along the steep incline, down towards the rocky crag that marked the cliff edge, fingers too numb to catch at ferny stems to slow his fall, sharp chippings rattling round his ears. He flung up his bladearm to shield his head then, a cry to the Light on his lips, he thundered…

- to a halt.

   He lay a moment, stunned, until the slap of the rain upon his face revived him. Then Falath laughed and accepted the sleet’s embrace.

   When common sense returned a few moments later he struggled to a sitting position and spluttered up the water from his nose and throat. He shook his head to clear it and breathed deeply to calm his pulse, just as his physician had taught him.

   Satisfied that he was no longer drowning Falath attempted to stand but with a strangled "What the - ?" he was jerked back down.

   He twisted round, mouthing vitriol, only to discover his saviour. His sleeve had snagged on a thorny sapling. He reached back to disentangle it, before the bush decided to uproot itself, but the plant refused to cooperate and he was forced to draw his knife and hack off the offending piece of cloth. Victorious, the sapling sprang upright, its trophy flapping wildly in the wind.

   Falath hugged his battered arm to his chest, nursing the fresh scores made by the thornbush, then shuddered when he saw the cliff edge a few yards to his left. Another second or two and he would have joined the dozens of unwary travellers that plunged to their deaths each year. Even now his foot sent fresh scree scudding into darkness. It would be so easy to just…

   The cut on his palm pulsated and he refused the offer of oblivion. A son of the House of Dorior, most ancient of the people on this world of Riom, did not put self before duty. And then, of course, there was the voice. Go back. Return. He is coming. At that darkest moment on the mountain, when the dreams and cares and fears so overwhelmed him that death was welcome, those words punctured his despair. Go back. Return. He is coming. Such hope blossomed in his heart that he gloried in the golden rays of Salix, setting in a crown of fire. The One Lord of Light had spoken. He had no choice but to obey.

   So Falath clambered upright, swayed until his balance reasserted itself then gingerly started back to the top of the slope.

 

   It was a harrowing climb, though the sleet had slackened off somewhat and the slope was partially sheltered from the cutting wind. When he reached the top Falath paused a moment and tried to squeeze a last ounce of warmth from the motley woollen mantle, but it was no use. If he was to stave off the deadly cold he knew he must reach the shelter of Serpent’s Keep before moonrise. Even as he watched, snowspangles dissolved into his cloak and swelled the puddle by his feet. Time was running very short. He waited for a break in the cloud, took his bearings afresh then set off once more in the direction of the keep. By the time the gale began to whip up anew Falath had reached the bottom of the ridge and the safety of the ash groves.

   The keep loomed up ahead, nestling atop its spur of grey rock.  It was guarded but he was familiar with the patrol patterns of the watchmen. He had devised them after all. Clinging to the shadows, he scudded along the granite basewall towards a small culvert. Torches jutted out from brackets on the walls high above, though the sleet made them smoke until they were virtually useless. Falath waited until the sentries were at the furthest point of their pass then slipped into the dark hole.

   Five paces in he pressed a particular stone and a section of wall rolled sidewards to reveal a tunnel. He entered and pushed back against the panel. It slid to silently but he paused, listening. Some thirty feet above his head mailed boots continued on unabated. Satisfied, Falath made his way through the passageway to a staircase at the back. The torch left there earlier that afternoon was almost gutted. He unhooked it from its bracket and his nose wrinkled. He had not expected to see it again. 

   The passageways riddled the outer walls of the keep but only intersected with the inner walls in a few places. Falath knew them all and made his way to a cramped chamber; an ancient trysting place for lovers. Several large chests lay around its edges, relics of that forgotten time. Falath slotted the torch into the handle of one and sat on another while he peeled off his outer tunic to join the soggy heap that was his cloak. He shivered as he pushed open the heavy lid, his breath forming misty clouds in the chill of the chamber.

  He took out the rich garments abandoned within and laid them aside before he pulled out a drying sheet, a leftover from previous sorties, to rub some warmth back into his bones. Damned if it was not so much easier with a servant to help though. He sniffed. At least he needed no extra water to cleanse the dirt from the numerous cuts and grazes! These, along with the ugly weals on his forearms caused by the thorns, he laved with salve from a small jar. Only then did he put on his courtly clothes, relishing the touch of the clean linen, cloth-of-silver shirt and burgundy tunic. He buckled a silver swordbelt round his waist and tugged order into his hair with a copper comb. Finally, Falath placed a plain circlet on his head, to keep the raven-dark strands from his eyes.

   When the transformation from beggar to noble was complete he bundled the ruined clothing into a bag, took up the torch and headed out along a corridor adjacent to the first. This coiled upwards until it levelled out to end at a wooden panel. Falath stubbed out the torch and unlatched the door, whose exit was concealed by a huge tapestry. He squinted round the edge, then pulled the door to behind him and darted across the gallery into the safety of his chambers.

 

   Falath wallowed in a yawn and a stretch, pleased that he appeared to have gotten away with his escapade. He dropped the bag of sodden clothes behind a screen then stumbled across the anteroom into his private suite.

   Light from the East Watchtower cascaded through the side window and dazzled his dark-accustomed eyes. He threw up his left arm to ward them and headed in the direction of the window to close the drapes.

   "Where in Shadow’s name have you been?"

   Falath’s heart leapt to his throat before reflex took over and he spun round, dagger in hand.

   "Declare yourself," he hissed, poised for combat. How had anyone gotten in here? Where was Ilin, damn the man's eyes? Through the glare he watched a shadow detach itself from the wall behind the door and glide across to the offending window. A tall silhouette closed the shutters and slid the bar into place to restore the welcome darkness. In its hands a tallow candle flickered to life and illumined the fine-boned face and steel grey eyes of his cousin.

   "Hell’s Teeth, Rollo! You scared the life out of me," he cried but he was unashamedly pleased to see his oldest friend. "By the Light, what are you doing here?" He crossed the space between them and grasped the other by the arms in a kinsman's embrace. "When did you return, you old fox?"

   Rollo bowed to his overlord, Falath, Prince of Dinith.

   "Earlier this afternoon, not long after you went to your private conference with Lady Feria," the knight replied. "Well, Fal, care to explain where you have been?"

 Falath rewarded him with a vexed grin and slid his dagger back into its sheath with a click of defiance.

   "Can’t I go anywhere without someone checking my every move?"

   "You know not.”

    As Rollo moved around the chamber to light the wall brands, Falath gave a tired laugh and rang the handbell that would summon Jano, his page. He sat himself by the fire to poke at the embers but they refused to flare up. Rollo knelt beside him and thrust a few pieces of kindling onto the glowing ashes. Face hidden in his work, Rollo said,

   "Fal, I despair of you. I know it irks you to be confined to the citadel but, blazes, you must know how dangerous it is to go beyond the city bounds without an escort? As soon as I realised what you were up to I sent Dumal and some of my more discreet knights after you." He held up his hand. "No, don’t bother protesting. You were fortunate I did. I don’t suppose that you knew you were being followed? And not by Dumal," he added hastily.

    The laughter faded from Falath's eyes.

    "No, I didn’t think so! While you were busy watching the sunset a rebel scout was as busy watching you. Thankfully Dumal apprehended him before he could report back or, worse still, take matters into his own hands. He is in the West Tower now, relaying his information to Joreb instead."

   Roll bridled his temper. Falath had paled as the relevance of his words sank in. A prisoner to his own duties, Rollo could empathise with the other’s desire for solitude but Ormbrand's oath, to rid Dinith of the usurping foreigners calling themselves its lords, made Falath a prime target for any so-called loyal Dinithian's blade.

    "Perhaps now you understand my concern? You are my Lord Cousin and you are also my friend. I have no intention of seeing you spitted on some damn beggar's knife. Why do you court such danger? Are those strange dreams still plaguing you? What is this fear that haunts you?"

   Before Falath could reply a knock sounded at the door. None too relieved at a diversion, the prince called out,

   "Enter."

   The door opened to admit a small, fair haired lad desperately trying to smooth creases from a very crumpled tabard.

   "You wanted me, Lord Fal?" the boy asked and dipped a half nod.

   "Yes, Jano. Could you fetch us some wine and a bite to eat? Maybe some almond cakes?" he added, knowing his cousin's weakness for sugared fancies. The page peered round for the ‘us’ then stared, wide-eyed, as the kneeling warrior, no longer hidden by Falath, rose to his feet. The boy gave a strangled cry and fled.

   "What was that all about dare I ask?" inquired Falath tartly as the door slammed shut on the page's heels. Rollo seated himself on the settle next to his cousin.

   "I saw Jano on the gallery as I arrived and asked him to announce me but he, very respectfully, declined to do so. He reeled off some story about you studying patent rolls and not wanting to be disturbed. I was about to question him further but I was distracted by another arrival. When I looked back Jano had gone and has kept out of my sight ever since."

   "No doubt you scared him witless," laughed the prince, and with some fellow feeling after his cousin's unusual greeting earlier. Fal sank back into the chair, still smiling, and fixed his eyes upon the carved crossbeams. The light from the different angles distorted the sculptured animals and sent them cavorting across the ceiling in grotesque patterns. The flickering shapes swam before his eyes...

   A sharp tap at the door broke his concentration. Rollo was watching him closely, a pensive look upon his face. Falath strove to ignore him then remembered the knock at the door.

  "Come," he called drowsily, afraid of no enemy with the second most deadly swordsman in all Dinith seated beside him.

   Jano entered and set a tray upon the table by Falath's elbow. He poured two goblets of wine and offered one to his lord after tasting it. Falath received it gratefully but waited, as courtesy demanded, until Rollo had accepted his before drinking. Jano stood to one side and was careful to avoid Rollo’s probing gaze.

  "Do you require anything further, My Lord?" he asked. Falath shook his head.

   "No, Jano, you may return to bed now. Oh, and Jano," he added, forestalling the page at the door, "you did well today, covering for my absence."

   The young boy smiled then ducked out of sight, smothering further yawns.

   Falath clamped a hand over his own mouth. Coupled with his ordeal the wine was lulling him to sleep.

   "Did anyone else realise I was missing?"

   "Joreb may have suspected something but I managed to cover for you. Did you have to choose today of all days to go romping off into the wilds though? Half the lords of Herlac arrived at supper and were none too pleased at being welcomed in the King's name by the upstart royal shieran. I confirmed your story of being occupied by urgent matters of state but that did not go down too well either! Fortunately Gavill breezed in fresh from your father’s side and escorted the whole bunch off to the South Tower, praise be for small mercies."

   He took a small swallow of his wine then said,

   "Gavill also asked me to inform you that, saving your approval, the arrangements for the Winter Masque are now complete but can he have your comments as soon as possible, given that there are only two days left? I assured him that you would."

   "Light, I had all but forgotten the Masque," admitted Falath. "I wonder who he will appoint as Lord Sunstealer this year? Avarin perhaps?" he added wickedly.

   "Very likely," said Rollo and even he seemed amused at the thought of the keep’s grim old healer capering about the Great Hall in the traditional red robe and gaiters. "Which reminds me," the knight continued, "Did you see Avarin up in the hills by any chance, collecting herbs or suchlike?"

   "No, ‘fraid not."

   "Pity, he was needed earlier but couldn’t be found. By the way, Fal, Dumal says you fair froze his balls off when you slipped from the ridge path. He and his men were still wrestling with the rebel and were too far behind to save you at that point." Falath grinned at his cousin's rendering of the brash warrior's words.

   "He's not the only one. When I saw how close the cliff edge was I nearly slipped off in sheer fright!"

   "Light Above, Fal!  Whatever possessed you to climb the ridgeway in the first place? We had the dangers bashed into our heads often enough!"

   "I was in a hurry," Falath replied, his tone petulant, "and I am too tired to argue the point further." He was not ready to share his epiphany just yet. Not even with Rollo.

   "So I see," said Rollo, when the prince stifled yet another yawn. He sipped his own wine and stretched out his long legs, easing off his courtly slippers with a sigh of relief. Then, twisting the stem of the goblet idly with one hand, he said, with sudden sharpness,

   "Tonight on hearing my voice you were damned sluggish in your response, dangerously slow should I have proven an enemy."

   "Like I said, I am very tired after this evening's little adventure."

   "I grant you that, however," and the knight raised disconcertingly clear eyes upon his cousin, "I have been hearing some very disturbing reports concerning your recent behaviour. Ilin, for example, told me that it’s several months since you last had any weapons practice and I have seen myself how torpid your reactions are. Have you an explanation?"

   The amusement died on Falath's face. He turned towards the jug, to avoid Rollo’s questing gaze. He reached clumsily for the flagon, spilling much of the choice wine in his haste, and cursed his ineptitude as he shook the drippings off his hand. He proffered the wine to Rollo, who refused with a shake of his head, so he refilled his own goblet and then shoved the vessel back onto the table.

   For a moment Falath peered into the depths of the liquid, as if to divine some answer there, then drained it in one long quaff.

 Light, what should he say? Should he even speak?

Avarin had stressed the need for absolute secrecy, for fear of it reaching his father's ears, but the silence was eating him up. Jano knew the truth but he was just a boy when all was said and done. Should he take the risk and speak of it to another? Fal flicked a glance at his cousin. The knight radiated steadfastness and loyalty. Falath knew that he could rely on the other's discretion yet it was hard to contemplate lowering his façade. He took yet another swallow, for courage, and breathed out. Better to share the burden with some other- before he grew much worse.

   "Yes, I have an explanation. I might’ve known that it would come to your ears sooner or later anyway!" He poured yet more wine for himself then looked directly at his cousin. "I have been ailing for some months now and I am getting worse. There have been rumours of course, but few know the truth. I’ve tried to keep it from everyone. Especially from my father. Avarin agrees that it could prove too much for his heart to know just how ill I am so soon after Anser’s death."

   He stared down at the rushes on the floor, fist clenched around the goblet stem till the knuckles showed white.

   "I am reliably informed that, at my present rate of decline, the chances of my gaining my majority in four months time are decidedly slender!"

    He gave a short nervous laugh and crushed back the tears that threatened to break through at last. Rollo’s eyes betrayed not a whit of feeling. The knight had masked his emotions completely, a trait he had inherited from his late, unlamented father.

   "Is there anything I can do?" 

   "No!" Falath spat, then immediately rued the outburst. He shook his head and relaxed back into the settle. Light, how could he have forgotten Rollo’s damned insouciance?

   "No," he repeated, more gently this time, and sought refuge in a mask of his own. "Everything that can be done Avarin is doing I assure you. He has given me these," and he fiddled with his belt-purse to remove and rattle a blue enamelled box, "but they do little save to deaden the pain and to leave me tired."

   "Does he know what the cause is?"

   "Hmmm, I do not pretend to understand the medical ramifications but it appears that I’m losing control over my muscles."

   "That is not what I meant," replied Rollo curtly.

   "I realise that."

   Falath made a bridge of his fingers then reached out a third time for the wine. As he sloshed some into his goblet he said,

   "Avarin soon ascertained that this is no natural illness but malice, the result of poison.” His fingers shook and he placed the emptied cup, none too steadily, on the table. "There, I have said it. I have finally acknowledged that I am going to die!"

    He grabbed at his goblet again but it slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor. He bent towards it but Rollo swept it up first.

   "I think that you have had enough.” 

Falath frowned in protest then hiccoughed loudly and giggled.

   "And I think that perhaps you are right," he conceded.

   Rollo began to speak but, unheeding, Falath clambered awkwardly to his feet and ambled over to the window-seat. The draught through the shutter slats was cool on his feverish skin. He leaned back against the side panel and hugged one knee, lost in thought, then pushed up one of the slats and peered through the gap, blinking away fresh tears stung from his eyes by the biting air. The beacons no longer blazed as fiercely and he could see down over the outer walls, to the slopes of houses beyond the keep. The sleet that had herded him down the mountain had turned finally to snow.

   "You never said what had brought you back to Syranym after all this time," said Falath a few moments later. His father always seemed to ensure that Rollo’s many duties detained him in the far province to which he was all but exiled.

  "I received a letter recalling me," replied the other, though he did not mention that he was already four days on the road when it reached him. Falath furrowed his brow.

   "From my father? I don’t remember sealing such a letter for him. When was this?"

   "It was dated the twelfth of this month and commanded me to return to Syranym immediately upon receipt of it. It contained the correct code words so I did not dispute it."

  Falath shrugged. "Ah well, I suppose any one of the other Councillors could have sealed it. Did it say why he wanted you back so quickly?"

   Rollo leaned onto his calves and stretched until the joints cracked. Falath grimaced at the sound.

   "No," the other replied. He dropped his arms down with a slap. "I was rather surprised at the abrupt and uninformative nature of its contents. I hoped you might enlighten me but you say you’ve heard nothing?"

   Falath shook his head and resumed his humming, until his mood reversed again.

   "What shall I do, Rollo? Avarin was good enough to inform me that there is no possibility of him finding an antidote. By the Light, he does not even know how it was administered!"

   Before Rollo could answer Falath heaved himself away from the window and fell upon his sleeping couch. Through the muffle of furs he said,

   "I tried to kill myself out on the Mountain today. I fully intended to throw myself off the White Falls and, for one solitary moment, I did not try to save myself when I slipped. But I was too cowardly and clung to my life, for what its worth!"

   He raised fever-darkened eyes from the couch, to search his cousin for a reaction, but Rollo returned his gaze unmoved. With a sob of anguish Falath collapsed onto the furs in exhausted sleep.

 

   Rollo surveyed his kinsman's prostrate form then tightened his lips and methodically undressed him. He slipped the shoes from Falath’s feet, loosened his tunic, unclipped the silver belt and covered him over with the sleeping furs. He doused all the torches save one, which he took to light the passage to his own suite, then replaced his own slippers and closed the door behind him.

 Across the landing Ilin, the prince's personal bodythane, stirred in the shadows. Rollo beckoned him over. The knight bowed to him and took up position outside the prince's door.

   "Guard him well," commanded the Lord of Chanon and Ilin nodded. He had already felt the edge of Rollo’s tongue for allowing Falath to elude him although, the other conceded, Ilin could not have known the prince would abscond from Lady Feria's chamber. "And Ilin, you were right to send for me." The bodythane's eyes fell and he nodded once more.

  Rollo strode swiftly down the empty corridors towards the Chanon suite. When he reached them the doors were opened by his second, Dumal. The knight began to speak but a look at his lord's face silenced him. Only when Rollo reached the dark sanctuary of his own rooms did he crumple back against the door.

  "Dammit, Fal," he groaned to his soul's depth, "how much more must I bear?" How much more?  His parents, Anser, Fal. Everyone that he dared to care for was snatched from him. He was cursed. There could be no doubt now. 

 

 

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RK Summers wrote 81 days ago

I love it, I absolutely love it. The use of language is amazing, the hooks are perfect to grab the reader's attention, and the dire situations of Falath make me want to keep reading until the end! I love how it's thrown straight into the action, the perfect first line to make me want to read on.

Backed, starred and watchlisted :)

RK Summers

neoman-keith@hotmail.co.uk wrote 296 days ago

Hi Jim,
I love this book and what I have read so far will bring me back to read more. It grabs you from the first line and flows very clearly and at a perfect pace. Your description is clear and you can see what is happening without any confusion. I will be back to read more. A great read of what I've read so far. Is it available to buy, I would be intersted in a copy?

I have several books on my page, feel free to view them at your convenience.
All the best.
Keith.

seancoppens wrote 202 days ago

I'm only starting to get into fantasy myself and your book is helping me to understand why I should continue. Your characters are clear and relatable. Hard to find in fiction so appreciate that. Nice job! I'm going to keep reading it now :)

abipenfold wrote 380 days ago

The firelord's crown -
this is so amazing, and i've only read the first chapter so far. This is exactly the book i would have on my shelf at home and stay up all night to read. It's spellbinding, and i love it.
This deserves it's spot as number 1 on the ED, and it also deserves publishing. Amazingly written, and you have great talent at painting with words.
Backed with absolute pleasure
abi

EMDelaney wrote 345 days ago

IN RESPONSE TO HC REVIEW / E M Delaney wrote:

I'd buy it! Just the way it is.
Just saying.....

MrKarats wrote 20 days ago

Jim,

today I felt I needed a break from editing and writing, so I decided to read some fantasy on the site. I remembered I owed you one and here I am.

I read your first chapter where I felt I wanted to stop.
Positives: Off-the-charts vocabulary. Interesting character concept for Falath and Rollo. The archaic use of laguage was atmospheric.
Negatives: Your point of view as a narrator and the voice, mainly. I think these two are the reasons I didn't carry on reading. Part of this was the tagging in the dialogues. You explain a lot whereas you show it in the dialogue, or could have, as you are clearly potent with its use. Commenting on someone's voice is never easy, or objective for that matter. It felt flat to me, that's all.

Finally, I would have you reconsider the names of nearly every character. It's not they aren't fantasy-like, it's that to me they didn't fit the characters they were assigned to. Rollo doesn't bring in mind the second best swordsman in the kingdom, it does however describe very well the occasional sneaky, streetsmart rogue. In my opinion, names are half the world-building in a fantasy setting, they can be descriptions on their own.

Obviously the above comments are just my take and I maybe considered picky or just of different taste. I have quit reading renowned fantasy authors, which doesn't make me the average reader.

That is all from me, I hope I could be of help.

Yannis

Mirrorsmith wrote 64 days ago

What a great story! I love these kind of books and can never find enough in the shops to feed my appetite which are well written and, above all, interesting and different! Falath is a great character and I like how his cousin is so different, so quiet but commanding. Then we get Airen and you have the mix for a great fantasy adventure. The last chapter left me desperate to read more - never mind the missing bit in the middle! - so I have gone to check out the second part too!

Wavefront wrote 77 days ago

What a really great read this is!

revteapot wrote 78 days ago

DID enjoy this very much. You write well - the kind of smooth writing that reaches the imagination without snagging on the brain at all!
Sequal beginnings are difficult, to get the right balance of new story, with filling in last book for this who've forgotten/ not read it, but I think you managed it well.
Your protagonists are very likeable and I'm definately curious enough to look at book one.

One thing. One little, little thing - and I'm guessing it's too late now, since it's book 2 - but 'Rollo'? Makes me think of someone small and squishy...
Sorry.

Lindsay
A Priest's Tale

RK Summers wrote 81 days ago

I love it, I absolutely love it. The use of language is amazing, the hooks are perfect to grab the reader's attention, and the dire situations of Falath make me want to keep reading until the end! I love how it's thrown straight into the action, the perfect first line to make me want to read on.

Backed, starred and watchlisted :)

RK Summers

Wavefront wrote 83 days ago

What a great story, Jim. I am so glad you told me about this site! I have backed some books already and guess what I'll be doing this weekend!

Seth Nathrah wrote 96 days ago

What can I say that hasn't already been said? I love it. Reads perfectly and the story sucked me in from the first line. You should be published already! I'd buy it.

Seth

Tailwagger wrote 113 days ago

Jim, can I join the chorus of fans demanding to know when they can get their hands on a copy of The Firelord's Crown? This is an excellent read and I will happily recommend it anyone, fantasy fan or not. In fact, I just did on the forum :)

supermanrocks wrote 114 days ago

I am desperately waiting for the next part to appear. Please, upload it soon!!!!!

Amere Mortal wrote 177 days ago

Still checking back for the next bit.

seancoppens wrote 202 days ago

I'm only starting to get into fantasy myself and your book is helping me to understand why I should continue. Your characters are clear and relatable. Hard to find in fiction so appreciate that. Nice job! I'm going to keep reading it now :)

seancoppens wrote 202 days ago

I'm only starting to get into fantasy myself and your book is helping me to understand why I should continue. Your characters are clear and relatable. Hard to find in fiction so appreciate that. Nice job! I'm going to keep reading it now :)

seancoppens wrote 202 days ago

I'm only starting to get into fantasy myself and your book is helping me to understand why I should continue. Your characters are clear and relatable. Hard to find in fiction so appreciate that. Nice job! I'm going to keep reading it now :)

Shadowchime wrote 227 days ago

Jim,

The world that you've created is very original and interesting. It is a shame not to share it with the rest of the world. There are very few original ideas in this day and age. You have a great way with words and talent. The characters are real. Your setting is unique, you took a risk and chose a setting most people are afraid to write about because they've never experienced it.
Self publish?

-Shadowchime

j.barnes wrote 290 days ago

It sounds interesting and I will read a few more chapters to see where the story start to go and will respond with what I think

Jim Darcy wrote 293 days ago

Just had to create comment number 888! :D

neoman-keith@hotmail.co.uk wrote 296 days ago

Hi Jim,
I love this book and what I have read so far will bring me back to read more. It grabs you from the first line and flows very clearly and at a perfect pace. Your description is clear and you can see what is happening without any confusion. I will be back to read more. A great read of what I've read so far. Is it available to buy, I would be intersted in a copy?

I have several books on my page, feel free to view them at your convenience.
All the best.
Keith.

WantonBeheathia wrote 301 days ago

IN REPONSE TO HC REVIEW ALSO

This is perhaps the least constructive review I have ever come across. Even great fantasy work's when broken down have area's of clunkiness. However regarding this work as a whole, I reckon it is a great fantasy. I also push you to persevere Jim....I have quite a bit left to read but my first impressions are rave and I feel compelled to read on. I do hope this gets published....best wishes....Ayesha (will be adding my fantasy novel on soon (: )

Mr Gasman wrote 331 days ago

Smashing read, Jim. Don't you dare chop too much out, its the detail I like the most. really brings a book to life!

Lady Puddleduck wrote 333 days ago

I am glad you are leaving this up for people to read and thank you for making your review public. I am guessing lots of other people have not done so even if they could. Maybe they did not like what was written or did not agree with it. I think yours was very positive and that perhaps you should do as it suggests. Go on a mini adjective trawl but not too much as the description for me is a strong point. You may be able to trim some paragraphs out but, again, don't go mad. For me the little touches are what makes a book like this 'real'. :)

Lynne Ellison wrote 334 days ago

An entertaining read, comparable to the best of fantasy fiction

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

NikoleHahn wrote 341 days ago

I read your Harper review. When you rewrite please contact me and let me know so I can back it again.

Emma Roche wrote 345 days ago

Hi Jim, you're story is very good, mesmerising even, with plenty of desription.

I can see how loved you are as an author but hope you don't mind a critique from me?

Whilst I love the imagery you create, I feel a lot of it is let down by your over-use of adjectives. I get excited as I get to a scene but then there's so many words in the way, which, I feel are unecessary, that by the time I've got to the climax, I'm kind of losing interest.

Description can be good to create the scene and it fits in with your tone but I feel when I'm reading it as though you're trying too hard, almost like you're trying to convince me.

It's impressive writing but in my opinion, and it's just that, I feel your actual structure carries the story and to me, there's a lot of adjectives that kill it, too.

I love reading the scenes, however, getting to them seems to be a stumbling block.

Nevertheless, I'm still learning and editing and I still see this book on a shelf in Waterstones. Your passion is evident with every stroke.

And, as I say, it's just my opinion.

Emma

kaysielynn wrote 345 days ago

It's taken me a while to get round to reading this, but I finally managed to get it finished. Congrats on the review, by the way!

Now, on to my thoughts. I noticed a few grammatical errors (commas in odd/wrong places, for instance) and a couple of spelling errors and these tended to take me out of the story a bit, but that's one of my quirks. Perhaps a good spell-check would remedy them, but perhaps not (I've found errors in my own writings after repeated spell-checkings). I saw the note on your profile about changing Oberon to Beron and I did notice a few places where you missed the change (find and replace is invaluable for changing things like that). I also noticed a couple of references to Ashfalath and one to Borlas where I believe Rollo was intended. Are these similar instances of name changes? Borlas in particular had me confused for a moment.

I found the pace of the opening chapter to be rather slow, but this is not the sort of thing I normally read. Despite that, I felt compelled to keep reading. I planned to read the first five chapters but when I finished chapter five, I couldn't help but keep going and by the time I got to the end, I was thoroughly hooked. I would love to see what happens next!

I hope you find my comments useful but if not, that's okay, too. Have a nice day and congrats again on the HC review!

rhine wrote 345 days ago

congratulations!
Something that goes along with this idea is the arbitrary word limit (Google first novel word limit).
Normal books are 80,000 and fantasy is somewehere near 110,000. My queries to agents were trashed unread when they saw this. I worked *hard* to lower mine from 145K to 125K, and I still need to squeeze more.
I think Stephen King uses the "cut 10 percent" rule in his "On Writing". But it feels like cutting off fingers and toes. I couldn't even cut my own kids' umbical cords because they were alive and pulsing.

Scott Rhine (Foundation for the Lost)

Magoo wrote 345 days ago

i realy enjoyed this book, good luck for the future.

EMDelaney wrote 345 days ago

IN RESPONSE TO HC REVIEW / E M Delaney wrote:

I'd buy it! Just the way it is.
Just saying.....

Lullaby wrote 351 days ago

There are grammatical errors and that can be forgiven The style is quite unusual and that was pleasing to me. It is an easy read and kept my attention. It needs more editing but other than that I think you have a winner.

NikoleHahn wrote 353 days ago

I'm enjoying this so far. You snagged my attention. It's descriptive and I can see it in my mind. I'm going to keep this on my book shelf as I am only doing first chapters today.

StaKC wrote 354 days ago

Love the title and the cover. Congrats on making it to the Editor's Desk. I love your wording and style, fits the story very well. Only critique I will make is that I just read that editors/agents/publishers hate it when a story starts with dialogue, especially dialogue that ends in an exclamation point. Not sure how true that is, I kind of like the way it started.

neicyhope101 wrote 365 days ago

Oh! I'm sorry to say I didn't comment in time. This is an excellent story. The very first paragraph was so fast paced that I did get slightly lost but after that it was fantastic. The characters are so well developed and diverse from the very start. You did well with describing the setting and tansitioned easily between scenes without awkwardly throwing the reader from one place to another. And the story line is amazing --really engages the reader and makes me want to read more. You really gets involved in the story; it's like I just jumped in and i'm walking through next to the characters. This is a story that i'll definatly continue reading and it deserves every ounce of success that it recieves.

Neicy

Frank Talaber wrote 366 days ago

Hi Jim
Very well written, enjoyed the first chapter. It pulled me right in and kept me going.
Well done job.
Frank

Quenntis wrote 367 days ago

I've read through everything you posted. Very clear characters that remain consistent throughout. A good ear for dialogue and a nice balance between descriptive setting of scenes in the midst or relaying action. A compelling and interesting read. Congrats again on reaching the ED and I hope this is one more step towards getting published. Q

Lady Puddleduck wrote 367 days ago

Well done! :D

Therese Ogbomon wrote 373 days ago

Amazing story. I keep checking for updates all the time.

Larry Payne wrote 373 days ago

Congrats, Jim on making the Editor's Desk. Well Done!!!

Shay_Fabbro wrote 373 days ago

Congrats on making the editors desk!!!!!! Nicely done :D

Marie DuGar Bell wrote 373 days ago

Per your request, I've backed your book. Looking forward to the read. I'm sending you good wishes that the editor loves your book!!! Congratulations!!!! Sincerely, Marie - 'Sun Shine and Rain'

Robert Eetheart wrote 374 days ago

Man, I love your bookcover! :D

Inky36 wrote 374 days ago

Hello Jim,

I'm sorry I didn't read this last night as I promised. I was so tired I crashed out early. I seem to be doing it a lot lately! But I got here in the end and I'm so glad I did. You have a great way with words, and they flow well on the page. The beginning has a sense of urgency to it so that the reader has to read on. I loved the imagery too in this I could see Faleth climbing the mountain, feel the bitterness of the wind and could sense his pain, but also his strength. That part reminded me a bit of the hobbit in Lord of the Rings when he's on his journey to take back the ring. You show the reader what is happening and show the emotions too in a way that is not overdone or too little. I have really enjoyed this and hope to come back and read some more. So glad that you have managed to get to the ED's desk, you deserve it. Good luck, Jim. I wish you all the best at the top.

Lisa.
Grimeon's Pass.

Inky36 wrote 374 days ago

Hello Jim,

I'm sorry I didn't read this last night as I promised. I was so tired I crashed out early. I seem to be doing it a lot lately! But I got here in the end and I'm so glad I did. You have a great way with words, and they flow well on the page. The beginning has a sense of urgency to it so that the reader has to read on. I loved the imagery too in this I could see Faleth climbing the mountain, feel the bitterness of the wind and could sense his pain, but also his strength. That part reminded me a bit of the hobbit in Lord of the Rings when he's on his journey to take back the ring. You show the reader what is happening and show the emotions too in a way that is not overdone or too little. I have really enjoyed this and hope to come back and read some more. So glad that you have managed to get to the ED's desk, you deserve it. Good luck, Jim. I wish you all the best at the top.

Lisa.
Grimeon's Pass.

Patty wrote 374 days ago

My opinion?
Yes, too much 'action'. I think there is too much description of the character's physical actions as opposed to plot movement. Stage directions. He climbs over this, he hurts that, but the reader doesn't know why any of this is happening, so the reader gets impatient. What are the main plot points you want to convey? Action is not plot. I'd cut a lot of that stuff and add a bit of (not too much, mind) information of the worldbuilding type. How does this world stick together and what does the character feel about it? You do a bit of this in the first paragraph, but long sections of text after that are pure description of clambering and struggling that don't add an awful lot in terms of plot movement.

SPB wrote 375 days ago

Jim, I really like what you've done here. I must say as an old Pen & Paper warhorse that I have the greatest respect for writers like you who manage to not only create a fascinating setting and loveable (and believable!), three-dimensional characters, but who also take the world they've create seriously. I love it.

And congrats for getting to the ED! :)

cerbius wrote 375 days ago

This is still one of my favourite books on the site at the moment. :)

Mr Gasman wrote 376 days ago

Hang in there, old son. :)

Veronica Dauber wrote 376 days ago

Hi Jim, I read the first few chapters to your book and it's excellent! Your writing style is perfectly captivating and although I've only read a small amount, I will definitely return to read more. I'm also amazed at how closely your story follows to the plot of a book that I wrote years ago. I was a new author and after sever rejections I gave up and shelved the book and never did anything with it. Good for you. This book deserves to go to the top!
...ronnie (author of Mudslide and Web Secrets - two books that I did publish)

Sue50 wrote 376 days ago

I have added you to my watchlist and will have a look at it in a few days. Congratulations on your high ranking!
Sue50

Amere Mortal wrote 377 days ago

Oh wow, you got to the Editors Desk! Way to go, congratulations. I came back to see if book 2 was up yet and maybe persuade you to let me read what you have of book 3 *gives author big puppydog eyes*

Hey, Harper Collins, will you hurry up and publish this already! I do NOT want the author to give up before completing book 3 dammit. I want to know what happens!

Gideon McLane wrote 377 days ago

"The Firelord's Crown" - Jim Darcy. I read the 1st chapter and scanned 2-3 as well as several comments. You have a good understanding of your style of writing and medieval combat. Some thoughts: chapter 1 was a little slow for me - describing the scenes with almost painful use of adj. and adv. slowed the action - I didn't feel the character's danger; you might want to consider shorter sentences when danger threatens; chapters 2 & 3 are crisper. Bookshelf for sci-fi., fantasy style.

Gideon
"Thrill Writer's Remorse"

Red Ribbon wrote 378 days ago

Wish I had time to read more.

The reader is thrown straight into the action on what we believe is a run for his life until he returns home. The struggle through the storm paints a really clear picture . I like the end of chp 1 as throughout this chp we feel we are with Falath but then we see Rolo's feelings and reading on through chp 2 I feel this is more about him than Falath.

I thought you described the fight scene well in chp 2 'the stroke sliced into the folds of his mantle and turning the earth crimson'

Good luck, backed.

Red