Vampire Vacation

CJ,

I came to this on the basis of a recommendation from JR Turner. Vampire works aren't my normal fare (though one here--Bite Marks, I think it's gone now--was among my favourites) but I trust JR's judgement.

Starting with the pitch, the short version immediately say that this is something out of the ordinary. My only comment here is that I'd be inclined to leave out the reference to 'humor'--that's one of those judgements I think best left to readers (there's no doubt from the pitch that is funny, but surely it's better to make us laugh than to tell us it's funny).

Into the long pitch, my first observation is that there seems to be a strange line break in the second paragraph.

And, yes, that's all I have. This isn't a convetional pitch, but clearly this isn't a convetional work either. I'm just going to move on and read it (though I'm wondering if I should finish my coffee first, I fear spluttering it on the screen).

Into the work proper, and here I read the first fourteen lines--roughly the first page--carefully and ask myself, would I read on? Fourteen lines gives mes to the line begining, 'Does it look like an accidental overfeeding?"

And you know what? No question I'd read on. Mystery, fantasy, vampires and, yes, humour all delivered in a confident and easy to read style. The telepathy is handled deftly with no trace of info dump. There's humour in the deadpan way vampires are worked into mundand circumstances--and of course that first line of dialogue.

Oh, and I *love* the extension of the canines!

And sexy too. This is great writing. I don't have anything to offer by way of constructive criticism. Except perhaps in the matter of attributing dialogue, you do a great job of avoiding tags, mainly identifying the speaker via beat and by alternating lines of dialogue. Each character also has their own voice, which helps. But once or twice it did take me a moment to realise who was speaking (at least not immediately, going back though I can't find examples, so perhaps it's not an issue).

I've managed not to splutter coffee on my laptop but I've been grinning the whole time I've been reading. This is a damn good read.

I must thank JR for the recommendation. Goes without saying that this will be getting a spin on my shelf.

I first read Vampire Vacation when C.J. and I were competing in the Dorchester Next Best Celler contest. Both of us made it to the semi-finals, then she went on to the top 3 (or 2?). She was my pick for #1. Why? Becuase Vampire Vacation is a top-notch romantic/paranormal suspense.

Vampire Vacation is my FAVORITE vampire novel and has HUGE potential. Not only has C.J. crafted an excellently written story, she has multi-dimensional characters, a great plot and the perfect, creepy setting. This is a unique take on the vampire trend.

C. J., I'm so pleased to see you here and I wish you the very best in success.

BACKED! BACKED! And BACKED! :-) (Ok, well I can only back it once, but you know what I'm sayin'.)

To other readers here: This ain't your grandmother's vampires! If you're looking for something to read that is truly different and written by someone with talent and skill, check out Vampire Vacation.

Cheryl Kaye Tardif
author of Children of the Fog, Lancelot's Lady (Next Best Celler semi-finalist) and more

I love this book - this should be going up in the rankings! This is one of the better vampire books on this site and there is a vampire book one in every five reads! You have a gifted imagination and the talent for down to earth writing. This should be published! BACKED 100%! Wake up Authonomy!!

Liz
The Cheech Room

C.J.

I found Vampire Vacation to be as witty and fun as the Sookie Stackhouse Series. Since Charlaine Harris is one of my favorite authors, you are in good company.

Backed with the best of luck,
Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

Vampire Vacation

Hi CJ,

You really don't take yourself or this genre too seriously and this is the trick of this book I think. There is that potentially heavy opening, lightened immediately by the comment about the rug and we continue in this similar vein, a parody of the vampire stuff that is floating about, mystery weaved in as well. You have a unique and very special authorial voice, there is a gentle humour behind your words, with a dark edge. Speed and pace are great and you end the chapters with good hooks. Strong writing throughout...an extra special piece of writing about vampires, not your usual run of the mill stuff at all.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

I like this writing style. It reminds me of Laurrell K. Hamilton's style but from the vampire viewpoint. Interesting premise, quality story progression. I think you'll do well if you continue like this. Best of luck to you.

Stuart

Bookstore read ch1.

Coming from Whitby, i just love vampire tales. I have read a lot on here which really don't make the grade, but I have to say that I read all the way through, no flick reading and enjoyed it.
You manage to transport the reader into the world you have imagined. Whilst not strong on description, it is directed enough to allow the reader to wander around your world with the characters.
I would have liked to see more description of the characters at the outset, but this really doesn't retract from the work.

Well done and good luck

This is a fun vampire book for the grown ups. It's sexy. smart and so much fun! Very original too.

Happily backed,
Christa

are there too many vampire stories..? but, a good story is a good story, and this is a good story...
su dan [read SEASONS]

I think what really makes this work is the humerous tone. If you're going to do another vampire book, then it needs to be different...this one does that.

Lockjaw

I first read Vampire Vacation when C.J. and I were competing in the Dorchester Next Best Celler contest. Both of us made it to the semi-finals, then she went on to the top 3 (or 2?). She was my pick for #1. Why? Becuase Vampire Vacation is a top-notch romantic/paranormal suspense.

Vampire Vacation is my FAVORITE vampire novel and has HUGE potential. Not only has C.J. crafted an excellently written story, she has multi-dimensional characters, a great plot and the perfect, creepy setting. This is a unique take on the vampire trend.

C. J., I'm so pleased to see you here and I wish you the very best in success.

BACKED! BACKED! And BACKED! :-) (Ok, well I can only back it once, but you know what I'm sayin'.)

To other readers here: This ain't your grandmother's vampires! If you're looking for something to read that is truly different and written by someone with talent and skill, check out Vampire Vacation.

Cheryl Kaye Tardif
author of Children of the Fog, Lancelot's Lady (Next Best Celler semi-finalist) and more

I love this book - this should be going up in the rankings! This is one of the better vampire books on this site and there is a vampire book one in every five reads! You have a gifted imagination and the talent for down to earth writing. This should be published! BACKED 100%! Wake up Authonomy!!

Liz
The Cheech Room

This is good. Mystery, vampires, a werewolf . . . doesn't get much better.

Its about time someone came up with a new spin on vampires. Sexy and funny....you can't go wrong with that!

Case (Revelation)

This is hugely enjoyable! On my watch-list!

Sue Gedge/The Practical Woman's Guide to Living with the Undead

Hello C.J, well, what a naughty but nice book! Love the idea and found myself blushing in places!!! Well, almost!
On my shelf with pleasure.
P.J Roscoe - Ruined Echoes
perhaps you might take a peek at mine?

Hello C.J putting your book on my watchlist - will get to it soon - like the sound of it. - Would you take a look at my book?
P.J Roscoe - Ruined Echoes

C.J.

I found Vampire Vacation to be as witty and fun as the Sookie Stackhouse Series. Since Charlaine Harris is one of my favorite authors, you are in good company.

Backed with the best of luck,
Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

Hi CJ,
LOVED Vampire Vacation. Can not wait to read more once posted!

Amy J
A RISING MOON

C.J.,

What an entertaining read. I love the premise – A fantasy island for vampires! I’m big on first person, but I thought it works really well with this story and I love that it’s in a vampire’s (Vivian) pov. Vivian is a great character and so is Rafe. They make a great couple. Not big on vampire novels, but this is one I would read. The other exception I make is Laurel K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake series.

Happy to back.

Laurie – Into The Master’s Lair

Definitely not Twilight. haha I love the sense of humour you inject into what could be a serious situation. I love your characters and how the wife and husband respond to each other. I especially like that the human husband isnt' inthralled with his wife. He'll be there when he gets there. Love. Shelving.

Janice (Blood of Eden)

CJ,

I came to this on the basis of a recommendation from JR Turner. Vampire works aren't my normal fare (though one here--Bite Marks, I think it's gone now--was among my favourites) but I trust JR's judgement.

Starting with the pitch, the short version immediately say that this is something out of the ordinary. My only comment here is that I'd be inclined to leave out the reference to 'humor'--that's one of those judgements I think best left to readers (there's no doubt from the pitch that is funny, but surely it's better to make us laugh than to tell us it's funny).

Into the long pitch, my first observation is that there seems to be a strange line break in the second paragraph.

And, yes, that's all I have. This isn't a convetional pitch, but clearly this isn't a convetional work either. I'm just going to move on and read it (though I'm wondering if I should finish my coffee first, I fear spluttering it on the screen).

Into the work proper, and here I read the first fourteen lines--roughly the first page--carefully and ask myself, would I read on? Fourteen lines gives mes to the line begining, 'Does it look like an accidental overfeeding?"

And you know what? No question I'd read on. Mystery, fantasy, vampires and, yes, humour all delivered in a confident and easy to read style. The telepathy is handled deftly with no trace of info dump. There's humour in the deadpan way vampires are worked into mundand circumstances--and of course that first line of dialogue.

Oh, and I *love* the extension of the canines!

And sexy too. This is great writing. I don't have anything to offer by way of constructive criticism. Except perhaps in the matter of attributing dialogue, you do a great job of avoiding tags, mainly identifying the speaker via beat and by alternating lines of dialogue. Each character also has their own voice, which helps. But once or twice it did take me a moment to realise who was speaking (at least not immediately, going back though I can't find examples, so perhaps it's not an issue).

I've managed not to splutter coffee on my laptop but I've been grinning the whole time I've been reading. This is a damn good read.

I must thank JR for the recommendation. Goes without saying that this will be getting a spin on my shelf.

Hi, C.J. Good pitch. Got everything in it you need to draw a reader. It did me, anyway.
What a cool book. Funny, great characters, excellent dialog and a wild plot. Great imagination you've got there. I really like this. I've run across it several times. Don't know why I haven't read it before. Anyway, very good job in my opinion. Gladly backed.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Balley

I love anything to do with Vampires and this is outstanding. I really enjoyed your adult and unique take on Vampire abilities and interactions with humans. The opening sentence of chapter 1 is perfect, the reader is instantly drawn into your novel. This is well written – I would buy it in a second.

“Quick and sure , his movements” extra space after sure.

On my shelf.

Melissa

I was so looking forward to this one. I've read everything you have up here and would definately read more, this is right up my street. I'd buy this if it were available (I hate reading on screen). This is sexy, funny and flippantly sinister. Fab stuff, backed.
The best of luck with this and let us know if you upload more!
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

HI CJ,

I''ve discovered since joining this site that I love vampire stories...so I defo wanted to read yours ;o)

I love your voice...this s full of umour, but also suspense. The banter between the vamp and her human husband is great...how many of us wish we could let our hubby's know what we're thinking without opening our mouths.

Really enjoying the story so far and can't wait to see where it goes ;o)

On my shelf

Love Bev x

Betrayal & Love Overboard

CJ,
Loved what I read. Can't wait to read more when posted!
Amy
A RISING MOON

CJ,
Loved what I read. Can't wait to read more when posted!
Amy
A RISING MOON

CJ,
Loved what I read. Can't wait to read more when posted!
Amy
A RISING MOON

Hi CJ,
I was intrigued by the pitch and the unusual spin on the genre. I'm not a huge fan of first person narrative, but did enjoy it. I liked the contrast between the domesticity of marriage compared to vampire urges (e.g. the damaged rug). Made me laugh. A really original spin with interesting characters and sharp dialogue. You could find an interesting niche here. Good luck. Miles.

Your first sentence almost knocked me off my feet! Great way to capture your audience. You've been writing awhile, that is apparent. Your style is great and your story is funny, amusing, catching, and captivating. Dria is a great character.
Nothing tripped me up.\
Enjoyed!

Backed by SD Gillen

Your pitch is right on. Vampire vacations in Alaska-makes me itchy to get at this.
Now, you have me cornered with present and 1st, my favorite write and read.

"Can you come [up here and - (is this necessary)] help me?"

"Sure, Dria, I'm fresh out of the shower after my work-out, give me a couple minutes." I would drop "after my work-out" - seems stilted here.

"insist on BYOB. [In this case it isn't blood, it's a body.]" You're not giving your readers enough credit. Delete and let them figure this out for themselves.

As I read on, I find these are examples of some chopping left to do, the only possible flaws I see in this wonderfully imaginative work- Very well done. Shelved

G.
Einstein's Road Trip

For a comedy, vampire romp, I was surprised to find this written in the first person, which, perhaps doesn't lend itself as well as it might to your intention. However, the idea is an amusing one, and the prose licks along at a decent pace. Tongue in cheek should pay-off, here, I think.

Shelved for fun,

Adelie High (Naming Names)

I put this on my shelf yesterday, but didn't have time to leave a comment and explain why. I found the pitch was well explained and somewhat out of the ordinary in concept. I enjoyed reading and found the additional touches of the powers quite interesting, such as the vampire connecting mentally with her husband. Through the action and dialogue / thoughts, you explained the way in which the hotel runs without being too intrusive. Only because I do not come across this very often I noted that it was written in the present tense, although that did not seem to affect my enjoyment of reading.
Kendall Craig, The Halo (of Delight)

I cannot give input on the writing because it's already so expertly done. Your style and vivid description instantly sets the mood of the gritty, intense and entertaining story. I love all the various elements you've combined to make this a vampire story all it's own. It's very well done.

I cannot give input on the writing because it's already so expertly done. Your style and vivid description instantly sets the mood of the gritty intense and entertaining story. I love all the various elements you've combined to make this a vampire story all it's own. It's very well done.

Wow, great new twist with a vampire story! Polished and well written..BACKING! I'll be back to read more after I have a cigarette . . . oh wait, I don't smoke. Ha, ha!

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly

Well done weaving of horror, humor, and mystery with characters that are believable even though they are fantastical in nature. An enjoyable read, which is something coming from me, because I normally hate vampires.

Vampires make me want to hurl myself in front of a train, but there is no reason why I shouldn't keep an open mind. At first I felt the plot felt a little corny, but then, I find vampires to be the most dire and hackneyed subject on earth, so being mature, looking past my own dislikes, I concentrated on the writing and tried to enjoy it. And I have to say you've done a good job. It wasn't long before I realised my subconscious had taken over and I was engrossed. It is written with professional ease, and doesn't ever leave me confused or jarred. Can't really give much through on the plot because it isn't a genre that does much for me, but it certainly accentuates the fact that you know what you're doing writing wise.

Andrew

Caught me off guard--the dry wit laced throughout is priceless! Vampires with attitude...just when you think no one can do anything different with this genre... Backed.

Well CJ, you can bite my neck anytime! Oh and can I come and stay at your hotel please? Pretty please?

Great story, loved it, post some more you rascal!

Backed with pleasure.

Bob x

This is very original and a good read. I'm not sure what else I can say as I read it without noticing too many problems. I'm going to stick this on my shelf.

Vampire Vacation

Hi CJ,

You really don't take yourself or this genre too seriously and this is the trick of this book I think. There is that potentially heavy opening, lightened immediately by the comment about the rug and we continue in this similar vein, a parody of the vampire stuff that is floating about, mystery weaved in as well. You have a unique and very special authorial voice, there is a gentle humour behind your words, with a dark edge. Speed and pace are great and you end the chapters with good hooks. Strong writing throughout...an extra special piece of writing about vampires, not your usual run of the mill stuff at all.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

I like the way you've weaved the elements of humor, suspense, action, sex, and mystery into this intriguing story.

It's a good read. You have great voice, and your attention to details is impressive.

Shelved
Rodney

My initial reaction was to tip toe away but then I read some of your comments and thought, feck it, I'll give it a whirl.
There are so many vampire novels. But not enough FUNNY ones. You had me laughing from the get go and I was pleased that I read on. YOu certainly know how to grab a readers attention.
This is simply FUN. Which is why I am backing it. I needed a good, easy, quirky, side-splitting read, and this was just what the doctor perscribed.
;)
Backed.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

I love this!

POV of the vampire is great, makes for a unique story.

Great writing, combined with a human husband, a unique twist on a vamp story, romance and erotica and I am handing over my money.

This is fab and deserves more attention.

Backed with pleasure and this will be living on my w/list so I can read on... only 7 chapters though... bummer.

:-)

Jo xx

Spoilt

Wow Jo, you made my day! Can I just hire you as my agent and give you a cut? Thanks so much for the stellar comment and I look forward to getting a peek at your work as well!

Cheers,
C.J.

Like Marion, I came over from the forum where Jenny recommended this highly. Also like Marion (I do occasionally have my own ideas, honest!) I am a bit vampired out but this is really rather good. Very well-written, great pace and pitch, nice premise (different enough to entice).
Only thing that snagged for me was the explanation of why her human husband isn't a ravaged old man....don't think you need the explanation quite so early on. He's human, she's a vampire - we;re wondering how the hell THAT works - keep us guessing a bit.
Nice touches of humour too (BYOB)....
I am going a bit bog-eyed now (been on screen all day) but will hopefully be back for more (I'll BMOB, fear not).
I'm going to jig my shelf around later on and will absolutely back you with this.
jane
WALKER

Thanks so much! I didn't originally have that point in on the husband's age, I had it trickle in later but got a ton of comments from reviewers asking how he was able to live so long and why wasn't he a vampire too. I'm fine with cutting it and revealing it later - whatever an editor decides and I'll get out my magic red pen to comply! ;-)

Appreciate you giving my story a read and I look forward to returning the favor,
C.J.

I'm really sick to death of vampires, but this was mentioned on a thread that mentioned several of my authonofavorites so I had to check it out. I'm glad I did. Truly original opening that made me want to devour the rest of the excerpt. (I'm actually still working on it and will probably come back later).The is great stuff. Funny and even though I am not an ancient undead person, I'm liking Dria and identifying with her plight. Who hasn't had to clean up some stupid mess right before company arrives?

Can't tell you how thrilled I am that you "got it"!! So many writers have read it and said "I don't sympathize with her, she doesn't care about the dead person." While my writing buddy got it in a heartbeat - just like you did. That it was about what the modern woman has to struggle with before a guest arrives or a party or whatever - it was the stress of juggling it all and remaining calm.

Thanks for giving it a go or as the Aussies say "Suck it and See" (I've always loved that one!)

Looking forward to reading your work as well,
C.J.

CJ

I'm not usually a vampire lover,,,,I can never remember who suck who, what pureblood means etc.....But without sounding as though I could do with a spell in rehab,,,, this all sounds believably normal to me...Like Bring Your Own Body to a dinner party, it kind of makes sense....Why not.....

I've often brooded at being 18 months older than my husband, which is bugger all when it could easily be 580 years.....

Well done, this is an unusal combination of mythology vis a vis reality...

On my shelf.

Thanks so much! I'm grateful you gave it a shot. I never realized how hard it would be to break into such a close knit group of writers. I look forward to returning the favor and giving your work a read as well.

C.J.

Hey, C.J. Love your pitch. Love the way the book starts. That was funny. Checked out your style and found your writing superb. Add that to the fact that I love vampires, and I have to back it. On my shelf.

Yay!! Very kind of you John. Now if I can just find an agent and publisher who feel the same way...

Looking forward to returning the favor and reading your work as well.

Cheers,
C.J.

Totally fun read! No nits from me :) I see this book going wonderful places. Congrats on a compelling and well-crafted novel! ;)

Warmly,
Jenny:)

Very kind of you!! Thanks not only for the time you spent in reading it but in recommending me as well. Hadn't realized there be so much prejudice against vamp books so I'm betting without your kind words most writers wouldn't have given it a glance.

Wishing you the best in your story!
C.J.

I love this!

POV of the vampire is great, makes for a unique story.

Great writing, combined with a human husband, a unique twist on a vamp story, romance and erotica and I am handing over my money.

This is fab and deserves more attention.

Backed with pleasure and this will be living on my w/list so I can read on... only 7 chapters though... bummer.

:-)

Jo xx

Spoilt

Like Marion, I came over from the forum where Jenny recommended this highly. Also like Marion (I do occasionally have my own ideas, honest!) I am a bit vampired out but this is really rather good. Very well-written, great pace and pitch, nice premise (different enough to entice).
Only thing that snagged for me was the explanation of why her human husband isn't a ravaged old man....don't think you need the explanation quite so early on. He's human, she's a vampire - we;re wondering how the hell THAT works - keep us guessing a bit.
Nice touches of humour too (BYOB)....
I am going a bit bog-eyed now (been on screen all day) but will hopefully be back for more (I'll BMOB, fear not).
I'm going to jig my shelf around later on and will absolutely back you with this.
jane
WALKER

CJ

I'm not usually a vampire lover,,,,I can never remember who suck who, what pureblood means etc.....But without sounding as though I could do with a spell in rehab,,,, this all sounds believably normal to me...Like Bring Your Own Body to a dinner party, it kind of makes sense....Why not.....

I've often brooded at being 18 months older than my husband, which is bugger all when it could easily be 580 years.....

Well done, this is an unusal combination of mythology vis a vis reality...

On my shelf.

Hey, C.J. Love your pitch. Love the way the book starts. That was funny. Checked out your style and found your writing superb. Add that to the fact that I love vampires, and I have to back it. On my shelf.