There's No Drinking After You're Dead

James, your chapter one is a smooth, entertaining read that I have no trouble recommending to others. Nothing to nitpick in that section. Good job on this.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Your pitch drew me in, it sounds very unique. I'm definitely going to give this a try.

A gripping tale.
Backed.
Mike (the compulsive adventurer) Please give it a read.

This is written in a very different style that I am used to, but after a short while it was easy to get into this, going through the minutae of Billy's habits gives a real sense of character, and I think it helps as we progress. Most suggestions I would make are styllstic, and therefore inherently irrelevant, because it's the style of this that makes it stand out all the more.

This is a promising piece, and good luck with self-publishing, if that's the route you're taking.
Abi xxx

Yep, can't drink when you're dead. The first paragraph sounds a little familiar, the wife with the cigarettes and whisky always was less familiar, and the great popularity with women became even less familiar. Even so, I got into this pretty quickly. Usually dialogue has the tendency to get me going, but your narration gave me enough to want to go further. Yes, "today was very different. Billy felt anything but cosy indoors now, on this very different day." I'll be back to see if Billy decides to call it quits. Backed for now.

Brilliant stuff you have penned. Gripping and imaginative - hope you travel far with this one - andy and vesna
When Spirits Break Free

This is a really compsed, mature read. It feels like you have identified with this MC and have poured heart and soul into him as he pours his whiskey.

Really good read. backed - Clair

Excellent read. Diolouge and charcters are well developed we seemed compeled to listen to there story you crafted so carefully. C W

Hi James, I like the title. You’ve drawn a portrait of Billy’s demise that, with his wife’s cooperation, buying the whiskey, doesn’t seem to have an escape valve except for the pills. This description of depression is convincing and yet I think you’ve made it clear that his situation hasn’t imprisoned him. He doesn’t have financial failure or an event that would ruin him. The writing reflects his patterned thinking and the synopsis seems to concentrate on the way that he thinks and his ultimatum. It sounds like a novel that penetrates life’s purpose and knows this psychology. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

An intense read that was very difficult to put down but as it is nearing the end of the month and I'm already spending 14 hours a day on here i'm going to have to return to this and enjoy it at my leisure.

Great work
Happily shelved
Melxxx
Imepding Justice

Cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women, was wondering if this was a fictional character.
Seriously you have built a great character in Billy, like how you hint at bipolar characteristics and how they develop in him. Just finished Running on the spot and this is turning into a great read!

James well, love your short and long pitch, well done, and the book is very well crafted, you actually show in your first chapter that it was going to be an exciting easy read. Characters are vividly portrayed and it looks as if you may have a good seller here. CONGRATS...My book is a different genre but this is what i love about the site, so if you could review and comment and hopefully back my book , I would be so happy. thanks and again BEST of luck with yours

Denise
The Letter

You set the tone for your novel perfectly in the first chapter - the second paragraph may be a tad too long though. I like your exploration of Billy's loneliness and the development of how his wiskey and cigarettes are his best friends. You have done a masterfull job of creating a psychological profile of a man who is on the edge. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

This is one of those books you can't stop reading. It's not only because of the character of Billy, which is a tour de force, but of something which for want of a better word I'll call talent. Can't analyze it - it's more than dialogue and narrative. It's an ambience that couldn't be boring if it tried. Backed. Lynn

This is a hugely effective and actually quite upsetting piece of work, as it totally should be. From the early chapters, Billy is a beautifully written character and I don't say that lightly. He is fully drawn in a hugely intelligent and perceptive manner. There is a lovely fluidity to your prose and I really couldn't find anything to nitpick. I am delighted to back this.
Carl
The Time Hunters

This is a great read James, you obviously infuse the book with many elements of real life, which leads to a richer and more authentic experience for the reader. I don't have any problems with changing your POV. I think it's outdated to get so hung up on maintaining one POV's and all in the same tense. We are a film and tv generation the rules have changed. One remains good storytelling and this you have achieved.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

NO DRINKING AFTER YOU’RE DEAD
This is one of those books that to read, you need to clear your agenda for because it requires concentration. And once you’re into it, you might miss distractions like the telephone or doorbell ringing. I like the way it begins with Billy reviewing his life and thinking about ending it. The third chapter where you changed to a different point of view was a surprise but after I adjusted, I liked that as well. Not a lot of action; this isn’t the story for everyone but I enjoyed it. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

P.S. Just realised you've backed FTM!!! Thank you so much, James! thank you for the support!

Annia ;-)

Dear James,
I have finally made it round to your book...sorry for the delay!
I have read the first 2 chapters and I am in there, right away, with Billy. The controlled conversational tone of the narrator, the 3rd person - thought really 1st person - POV makes me feel as if I am sitting on the floor, at the feet of a wise, old man, who is narrating the story, almost like an old fashioned fairy tale, but with nothing resembling a fairy tale about it (if that makes any sense)!
The repeated 'Today was different' phrase hooked me completely, kept me thinking 'WHY is today any different?' I wanted to know and when at the end of chapter 1 we get a glimpse of what's to come my pulse raced.
I only picked up on 1 typo, so far, in ch. 1 where the sentence goes: ...'which he assumed would, inevitable, lad (think you mean LEAD??) to untold love and happiness; his real cravings.'
This is good. It's going on my shelf and I will come back t read more.
Take care,
Annia ;-)

James, this is taking a turn on my shelf. I'm afraid it won't stay as I'm having a voting frenzy in one book position. I know this site often makes me depressed and I think that colours how I view the less upbeat books. I still wish this offered some hope but it's good writing. Ali.

Hi James - just saw you on a forum (me asking about The Three Bears) - have noticed your picture before ( a daughter or grandaugher?) but only clicked through now. I am so taken by your profile (my brother next up - except he's still drinking) and your pitch that I've just cleared a space on my shelf for you this minute.

My reading list is long, but I will get back with comments at some point.

Best, Siobhán

Hi James, thanks for stopping by NSR - have added this to my watchlist, hoping to have a proper look at it soon as it sounds right up my street!
Claire

Hi James , Reading your book, making notes as I come to them. I'm no expert but I am published in ebooks and have worked with about seven different editors. All disdain the use of semi-colons. Besides, I believe they're supposed to be used to connect two stand alone thoughts in one sentence. That was a verbose way of suggesting you use commas where you have semi-colons.

Still early and I noticed you have a tendancy to long sentences. One had seventy words, suggest breaking into three sentences. I try not to go over twenty-five to thirty words.

Hmmm, I never read a novel where the entire first chapter is without dialogue. Also you must've written Billy fifty times. Your first chapter is not a story. It's a history. Your writing is fabulous, but you have no flow. It's what's known as one big information dump. IMHO you should put some action in. Show Billy and Julie arguing. Break-up all the information. Eliminate what you don't need and bring in the rest later in the book.

I see chapter two is the same as chapter one, all narrative. Maybe, it's because my stories are heavy on action and dialog but in the first two chapters you have not provided a grabber. Something to induce the reader to read on. I don't mean to sound negative, but I really think you ought to restructure your book.

Hi James, Thanks for the pleasant surprise. I'm watchlisting you and I'll definitely give you a read today or tommorrow.

James, I think you write beautifully but I think you have to give the reader a thread of hope, however tenuous, to lead them thru the story. And if the premise of the book is that there is no hope then you might need to pretend slightly to the reader. of course this may just be my perception because I'm spending too long online and I'm tired! Ali.

Hi James. Firstly, I think that this has the makings of a very good book. OK I think I can see what you're trying to do here. And I think I can see why it isn't quite working yet as you want it to. so for this comment I'm going to stick to one aspect and I'm going to do it in language I understand. I play guitar. I don't know whether you do. On guitar you tend to have a background of chords, whatever other fancy things you are doing. chords can be major (happy) or sad (minor). however, a happy song will often include minor chords and a sad song will include major (yes, even Leonard Cohen!). I think that you are accompanying your book entirely with minor chords. there is nothing but despair here at the beginning and that you need to inject some hope or some wry humour or else we're going to be force feeding that poor guy the pills and the whiskey just to get it over with. also the pitch needs a promise of hope. in my own book I need that much criticised (tho now better tended) garden at the beginning because I don't want to plunge you into doom and gloom. when I first thought what my book was about I thought grief - then I thought, no, I can't say it's about grief because no-one will want to read it, and now I think about it it's about hope. so I'm going to suggest that you think about your book and concentrate on the good optimistic things that arise in it. you may have written these already but be saving them for later. it's very likely the order in which you are telling things. if you have a synopsis you can email me I might be able to make some more helpful suggestions. I hope this is positive - it's meant to be. Ali.

Hi James, thank you so much for backing me. I'm going to add you to my ridiculously large watchlist for now because I too want to look at this when I'm not half asleep. thanks again. Ali.

James, thanks for the reply note on my page. I'm glad you took the feedback in the right way. And yes, we can discuss this further, any time. Give mine a read and comment as well, okay? Its interesting when two very different writers give their own take.

James, finally got to you in my watchlist, and I'm glad I did. I write notes as I go along, hope thats okay.

Chap 1: interesting start ... could use some pruning of adverbs, and generally any words ending in -ly should be used in moderation ... he was drained from typing those words? does he have arthritis? or was he drained for some other reason? If so, maybe re-work that sentence ... can you be drained and elated at the same time? relieved maybe, but elated? ... you're sure "telling" a lot here. I wish you'd show more - dialog out one of the screaming matches. It would be more effective, I think ... there's some repetition here, some over-writing ... we get it: he's rich. And we get it: he's depressed, or disappointed, or something. But you haven't given us a reason why he's depressed or angry, so he sounds a simply petulant. Poor rich, in control of his world, loved by any woman he wants, Billy ... wait, you've painted a picture of a dungy office, yet he looks out his huge bay window at the vast expanse of garden? ... finally, the last paragraph DID something. Nice ending. After all my frustration, I'm encouraged to go on to Chap 2.

Chap 2: ugh. Telling, but not telling. And not showing. I'm losing patience (sorry, I like to read thrillers, and I like action. So far, he has barely moved a muscle. he's just wallowing in unexplained self-pity) ... this ending was not as good. Could be a short story thats ended right here. Need a hook to Chap 3. Just knowing there's a Chap 3 is not enough ...

Chap 3: oohh. Don't talk to me, the reader. I'm not a fan of that ... ok, you're spending too long on the clock thing ... still talking to me. Ugh ... the whole chapter? really?

Ok, well overall, you are a VERY talented writer. You may be surprised I just wrote that, considering my earlier observations, but I do believe it. Your gift for prose is much better than mine. You can describe a scene in its fullest sense. Certainly, you could win a contest if there was one that gave a prize to writing the most volume of words on a single, unmoving scene in which nothing actually happens (thats a compliment). But, I think the result is less than you deserve. You need more "show", less "tell". A LOT less tell. Let us live it out. And please, don't talk to me - the reader. Just tell the story.

Hope that helps. PLEASE take it the right way: I mean to compliment you as a writer just as much as I question the product.

Thanks for your comments, I am not offended, I do feel that the first chapters need reworking I feel it gets far stronger as it goes, however, I don't feel its false but that's a personal opinion, so we can agree to disagree, I am looking forward to reading your work, as its a subject matter I am familiar with.

Susan.

Dear James,

You're a gent. I'm so glad you liked BB, and even gladder that you liked it enough to shelve it. It means a lot to me. Thanks again.

R

Hi James - there I was, randomly stumbling around the books and came across this and then remembered that I haven't commented yet, not as far as I can remember anyway, this place does things to my head.

Anyway, I like the idea of this and you seem to enjoy the process of writing and it comes through in a straightforward way but gradually the reader gets drawn into Billy's world and his head. As some others have said, it could be off-putting to have so much telling and not much showing at first, but that isn't necessarily a problem, if that's your intention.

I've just cleared some space on my book shelf and will put this on for a bit

I like the somehow autobiographical, "day in the life of..." feel of this. Revealing, yet keeping close the nature of the character.

Jay

Dear James,

I've seen you lots in the forums, and all of a sudden thought, hell, I ought to go check this guy out. So that's why I came over for a read, and am glad I did.

Hope you like BB, because votes will be needed at the end of the month. But not into swapsies; would rather have honest comment. Mind you, having written that, you strike me as the sort of bloke who doesn't need telling that.

R

Dear James,

Have finally got round to reading this. I like the urgency. I like the way you convey this without writing in 1st person present. The only thing I would suggest is to split some of the longer paragraphs into shorter ones - I don't think the book would lose its flow.

I'm putting this in my rotating bookshelf.

R

James. This is really the definition of "tell", and what isn't tell is introspection.

This man lived a wild life with colourful characters! Let's meet them! Hear them! Smell them! Fuck some of them, for christ-sake! People read to enter a story world and experience all that stuff themsleves. Show us, don't tell us.

Your pitch is more visual than the actual book. Seriously. I may be a Troll, but story telling is what I care about.

Ok...some cross words, so I thought I'd make amends by looking at your work.

I think you should tell this in scenes, chronologically. in "real time". Scene 1 Billy wants something, is obstructed, gets there and disaster!. Played out in real time so we see and hear (and smell and feel) all the conflict. What you have here is nearly all exposition.

That's not to say you can't write. But story telling is done in scenes and transitions between scenes. The readers identify with Billy by living through him taking life on, moment by moment.

Fisrt dialogue I've seen is Chapter 4! Reduce the preparatory pillpopping to a vignette and then live the story.

This is an intense, uncomfortable read that I’m sure many of us can uneasily relate to in some way. It’s not a book I’d choose; too little dialogue, and everyone except your main character seems distant; but I can see it’s good, so I’m going to shelve it for a little to get it nearer where it should be in the chart.

[I’d cut a few of the commas at the start (but commas unnerve me). And I don’t suppose you could break the first chapter up a bit with some dialogue? Possibly with his wife or a child?]

Hi again James, I'll pass your address on to JSD and reciprocate on the book viewing. Ali.

Hi James, message from preceltic to check out the wingspan website charts and timetables. she says if you let me know your email she'll send you some info. Ali.

James,
after a few friendly forum exchanges a few weeks ago I finally got round to this and very glad that I did!
Very accomplished writing and good hooks at the end of chapters 1 and 2.
I'm pleased you've written chapter 3 as you have, as I have a few 'time-outs' from the actual story in mine (though in later chapters mostly, and not on authonomy) and I was wondering how people might react to them. And I do the counting thing!
cheers, good luck and you're on the shelf!
Simon
ps. I know it's trivial, but I quite enjoy the 'power' of having a high talent spotter rank and being able to move you up a whole 17 places!

'Brown trash' which you also are reading (damned cool book that!).

Thank you James...that is a kind comment. Indeed there are plenty of typos as I discovered today when I printed it off. I just cant seem to see them on the computer screen! However, these have been corrected and I will put the new version up soon :) I have had no real time to further read your work, but I do plan to. At the moment it is between yours and

Thank you, James. The shelf space is a bind. I try and rotate as much as I can, to give books as much chance as possible. I try to be honest with my comments. I feel it's a waste of my time and the people I'm commenting on if I don't give an honest impression. It's nice to get complements to the positive but if they don't make a story better, then they are pretty useless and only keep you afloat for so long. I'll take a look at your story soon, if you like? What I read drew me in quickly, with an honest if troubled character. Packet of fags and bottle of spirits every night? If my wife did that for me I'd think she was trying to kill me!! Good luck James.

James; I think you put Dark Dreams up for a bit. Thought now was the right time to return the favour. Good writing by the way.

Hi James!
Thanks so much for casting an eye over 'Out of the Dead Land' - poor ol' thing was feeling neglected!
I'm so glad you got it! And it seems to have worked; it's always been an argument of mine that stereotypes don't become that without having basis in the real world. And I suppose you call most of then characters 'stereotypical'...but with a twist!
Hope you get to meet the inimitable Barstow Baker...and get to the real puzzles, above and beyond the swimming pool!
Once again, many thanks for your kind words, they're much appreciated.
Heading off to Venice this weekend, but I'm having a clear out, list and shelf wise ,when I get back, so I'll come and have a go at 'Drinking' then - not that drinking has ever been a problem...
Max

Morning James - sorry, I've been calling you Jim - you're a star. And yes, I have the same attitude - I'm buying the first book published off here whether it's my cup of tea or not. Many thanks.

Hi Jim, thank you for your comments. Just woke up at 4am and found them waiting. Sorry it's not your cup of tea, but glad you enjoyed it all the same. I don't suppose you'd consider a temporary bookshelf space based on that? I often vote for things that aren't my cup of tea but that I think will appeal to many others... Appreciate the read in any case. Cheers very much

James, just to say thanks for your kind comments on my novel 'A Man in Grey Shoes', very much appreciated. Thanks for taking time to read it and I'm glad you liked it.
James

You have a good way with words, but my main complaint is that you are telling me everything, but not showing me. It’s much more effective to write things as they happen. Show the reader a scene where Julie hasn’t left out his writing essentials, and he has a go at her, and it’s much more exciting to read. That would also reveal Billy’s character in a much more immediate way. As it is, you don’t draw me into the story and make me a part of it. Back story slows the narrative too much. I know you want to impart how Billy arrived at where he is at now, but show me a man writing, show me a man beset by demons as the words refuse to come. Show me a man who takes out his problems on those around him.

For example, you tell the reader that Billy was a fucking genius, and that sales of his novels and his bank balance were all the proof he needed. Now instead of telling me that, show me. This won’t be an excellent example as it’s only quick, but something like:

Billy stared at the bookshelves around his desk where he kept every one of his published novels. Translated into ten languages, he couldn’t even read half of them, but he didn’t care. Sunlight glinted off the framed photocopies of his advances. The noughts on the end extended with each one he received.

This is only my opinion of course, for what it’s worth.