Infinite Exposure

If this book is sold in Australia, I am SO buying it :) You've got me hooked, and I definitely want to see more! Congratulations on getting it in print, and thank you so much for uploading. A gripping read, and a thrilling story that has the reader caught up in the intrigue :) Backed for sure!

Hi Roland,

I'm afraid I don't have the time to read your 'required' 6 chapters, but I did read through the entire first chapter and liked what I read. This is a good premise for a novel... although it feels a bit like my first novel, Grey Skies Ahead, which is no longer posted here.

Anyway, good job and backed.
Tom

Roland,

You write like Tom Clancy. This is amazing. Where did you get all this detailed information? Your style is perfect. I decided to check out your book because of a remark you made about "unedited feces", which made me laugh, because of its bluntness and because I was slowly starting to reach the same conclusion. I have a hard time understanding the astronomically high ranking of books which clearly have never been edited, and this bothers me quite a bit. Especially when I see your book is on no bookshelves at all! Ridiculous. Give me 5 minutes, and it'll be on my shelf. I can tell your book went through a lot of "sandpaper", trimming, and polishing. Congratulations on your work. Since your say it's already been published, I'm going to look for it.

All my best with your book. Thierry.

Why is your book here? I was about to give some contructive criticism and then noticed that everyone who has attempted to do so has been shot down in flames. Clearly, you believe this is without fault.

Good luck with that.

This is a really poor pitch. I'd recommend rewriting it to tempt more readers to check out the novel. Start by introducing the main character then the main conflict (or vice versa). Then the setting. Then end on a hook line. Avoid saying 'this is a story' or 'this is a work' because we already know it's a book. Dive straight into the main plot thread.

- NaomiM

Thanks for your comment. The pitch on here is only for authonomites. This novel is already printed and getting great reviews.

This is a really poor pitch. I'd recommend rewriting it to tempt more readers to check out the novel. Start by introducing the main character then the main conflict (or vice versa). Then the setting. Then end on a hook line. Avoid saying 'this is a story' or 'this is a work' because we already know it's a book. Dive straight into the main plot thread.

- NaomiM

Hi Roland
Full of action and loads of pace. This is a topical thriller with a great pitch drawing the reader in. A clever plot with a compelling storyline. I would stretch out your long pitch if you can and tell the reader a little more, but otherwise excellent.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Dear Roland, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
Here is the response I received from authonomy concerning backing:
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved."

Hooked from the pitch, well done. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Dear Roland, I love that you are covering nuclear & terrorists, because it seems that this is what it has come down to, sad to say - great depictions. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Your portrayal of Nedim as a Muslim apprehended for terrorist activity has a ring of authenticity and this, combined with the well structured build of your plot carries a real plausibility while letting the reader share vicariously through print what most will never experience directly.
The bridge between fiction and reality is all too real in the contemporary world and for every terrorist who has been tricked and apprehended there must be so many who, as Nedim could do, be ordered to kill.
Nedim's passage from college student with an innocent sense of purpose to terrorist is as tragic for him as his victim.
Well researched and plotted, clear prose, an intriguing storyline.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

You pulled me in from the beginning. We knew something was happening, but we didn't know why or the details. It made me want to continue on. You know how to put emotion on the page and contrast characters in a way that makes the writing more powerful. Great job with this.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Good writing and story.
I backed this book.
A ZOOMER
Going Out in Style

Roldand: both pitches TELL instead of SHOW. With the long pitch, I would expand with more exposition to SELL this story to the casual reader. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This is an interesting story. A little too violent for some, maybe, but there's no disputing the quality of the writing. It's a compelling story. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Infinite Exposure

What an awesome read, I think the dispassionate feel to this makes it feel very authentic, almost too authentic.
There is a real foreboding feel to this and while it is written in third person the way it is structured it comes across as almost first person narrative
This is an intelligent, impressive piece of writing.

Wow what a terrific thriller very topical, great pace. Tension filled prose that was very polished and an absolute delight to read.

Accomplished plotline and awesome writing make this an absolute must read.

Happily shelved

Melxx

Damn, Roland, I would like to see this published. The way you blend fact and fiction is awesome and makes for a fantastic thriller. Please let me know if you manage to get this published, I would be the first to buy it. It is such a wonderful story and you tell it so well with accessible but intelligent prose.
Great stuff
Carl
The time hUnters

Roland,

I'm glad I decided to take a moment to check out your book. Of course, a moment turned into a few minutes, and before I knew it, I was at chapter six. This is a terrific piece of work. The pace, tension, and storyline drive it well, but the characterization makes it compelling. Well done. This is an absolute winner. Backed.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Quarter-Finalist)

Excellent read, with a lot of IT and business world functional info, essentially a different world to outsiders like myself, but very believable and showing basic human nature as it is in every social structure.
Kept me glued to the screen. Should sell well.
phil 'Eland Dances'

Roland, I've looked at the first six chapters. I think your work needs an editorial tune up.

Best of luck,

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

PAY ATTENTION AUTHONOMY! Why does this have a red arrow - it is so well crafted and you have a real talent for descriptive prose and down to earth characterizations! It is obvious you have spent time and research into writing this gem- I'd buy it so I'm BACKING it with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Powerful. Each scene is vivid in my mind as I read it. Backed.

The storyline is one that should hit everyone very close to home in more ways than one. Current events make for a very unsettled world and a very solid audience for this novel. Good work and good luck!

John Wickey
Future's End

Hi Roland,

Apologies for the time it took me to get around to reading this, but I have been inundated with requests and there is only so much one can do in a day. Also, I know you request six chapters from readers, but seeing as you solicited the read I don't feel obliged to go that far (especially as they are long chapters, at least the first two are).

I cannot fault the writing in itself, other than there were a couple of errors. I see one of them was pointed out, and the other was somewhere in the first third of the second chapter, but I can't find it again (wish I'd written it down).

As I said, you're writing is good and I had no trouble reading or understanding anything. I think my only real problems, and one of the reasons I am reluctant to continue further is that I am not 'involved' at all. I don't know who I'm rooting for and I know very little about anyone - even Nadim. Okay, so he's a good Muslin (I got irritated by this repitition, but I also see that you like this, but for me it was more the kind of irritation that made me want to stop reading). I also don't like Nadim. OK, so I've read novels where I don't like the character, but there is usually something that will at least make me identify with him/her, or something about them that redeems them.

It also felt a little impersonal, maybe that was my difficulty and why I couldn't become involved, all a little too objective, perhaps? And the second paragraph began to feel like a textbook.

It's probably a shame, because I'm sure it gets much better further in; but in real life I won't persist with a book that doesn't grab me quickly, so why should this be any different?

With such good writing skills, I am sure you can find a way to liven things up a bit. Maybe instead of focussing on Nadim's thoughts during the first paragraph you could let us in more to experience his fears and the physcial abuse he feels? That way, once I can 'feel' something for someone, I might be better able to weather the rest of the setup?

Anyway, good luck with this.

Ferdi

Thanks for your feedback. This was a book deliberately written to be impersonal and without heros. It's not a warm and fuzzy love story set in NY, and of that I'm really proud. It appeals to who it appeals to.

Hi Roland,

Apologies for the time it took me to get around to reading this, but I have been inundated with requests and there is only so much one can do in a day. Also, I know you request six chapters from readers, but seeing as you solicited the read I don't feel obliged to go that far (especially as they are long chapters, at least the first two are).

I cannot fault the writing in itself, other than there were a couple of errors. I see one of them was pointed out, and the other was somewhere in the first third of the second chapter, but I can't find it again (wish I'd written it down).

As I said, you're writing is good and I had no trouble reading or understanding anything. I think my only real problems, and one of the reasons I am reluctant to continue further is that I am not 'involved' at all. I don't know who I'm rooting for and I know very little about anyone - even Nadim. Okay, so he's a good Muslin (I got irritated by this repitition, but I also see that you like this, but for me it was more the kind of irritation that made me want to stop reading). I also don't like Nadim. OK, so I've read novels where I don't like the character, but there is usually something that will at least make me identify with him/her, or something about them that redeems them.

It also felt a little impersonal, maybe that was my difficulty and why I couldn't become involved, all a little too objective, perhaps? And the second paragraph began to feel like a textbook.

It's probably a shame, because I'm sure it gets much better further in; but in real life I won't persist with a book that doesn't grab me quickly, so why should this be any different?

With such good writing skills, I am sure you can find a way to liven things up a bit. Maybe instead of focussing on Nadim's thoughts during the first paragraph you could let us in more to experience his fears and the physcial abuse he feels? That way, once I can 'feel' something for someone, I might be better able to weather the rest of the setup?

Anyway, good luck with this.

Ferdi

Book Review for Roland Hughes


This is a global review for Infinite Exposure

Spine of Water Reed

Nedim is a muslim that has been caught for acts of terrorism. What I like about the beginning was the setup of the scene. Clear and logical in progression. I also like the fact that we got personal glimpses into Nedim’s personality, like in this sentence: ‘Nothing says importance like being able to order others to die. Isn’t that why he really got involved in this in the first place?’

Was there literal intonation behind the repetitive notion of ‘the good muslim’?

There seems to be a word missing in this sentence: “His hands were roughly untied, he right hand brought to the pen while the left was held behind him.

Nedim moves on to discover he’s been duped by the persons he hasn’t even been assigned to kill yet. British and German operatives of some type. He makes the pact to help them capture the persons responsible for setting him up.

What’s impressive here is the research you’ve done to set this chapter up. I can tell by the way you knew which direction the Muslim should pray that you’d done a lot of work to pull this chapter off. These minor details are what made Nedim a person to me with a life as a college student, trying to make ends meet and getting himself into a dilemma as a result.

Will we learn more about the Brit and German in the next chapter?



Slither of Snake

I was very glad to see more dialogue meet my eyes in this chapter. I don’t have a problem with rich description, but in my humble opinion, a book of this caliber can get bogged down very quickly with a lot of description.

The Trojan idea as an email infiltration method was great stuff. I got lost in who was talking after the brutes dropped off Nedim. More specifically, in this section:

“Is that all you know?”
“It is enough.”
“It is enough to want them dead, it is not enough to make it happen.”

But then I saw they were discussing Nedim and moved on to assume these were the two brutes. Or am I having an over the head moment?

You could condense the paragraph describing the function of how the base images will work to a couple sentences. That would increase the impact and keep your story flowing without sounding too much like a textbook. It also depends on what type of market you’re planning to send this too as well.

Brilliant ideas here: “Simple. One sender always uses images of birds, another beach scenes, another fish, etc.”

Again this is just a suggestion, but when you introduce John aka Kaliel, maybe intersperse some dialogue into the exposition? This will keep your reader from skimming over your well drawn out facts.

Like when Umar makes his case point for the spies in the next section. Specifically the dialogue where he proves to my friend the Brit that he was able to retrieve as many as he did in that day. There was conflict, flow, interaction, facts, and opposing personalities all lumped together inside the dialogue. My eyeballs were ready for chapter 2.

Overall, this is a very detailed, tightly written, and filled with tons of facts to make you think piece of work. I'm actually looking forward to reading the next couple chapters. Hope these tips help a bit.

I'll review chapters 3 and 4 next go round.

Yours in Prose
KayLeigh
The Seraph's Orb

Thank you for your kind words.

The "good muslim" repetition was deliberate and thankfully only for the first chapter. If I wrote it as many times as it comes out during a single interrogation, the first chapter would have been about 300 boring pages. I'm glad that it annoys nearly everybody who reads it (except those who've been in the field) I just wish there was a way I could have explained it without taking the reader out of the story. I had a few ideas, but they never seemed to work.

Good catch on the word thing. A bit late to fix for ebook, but I can fix for print.

The sparsity of dialog was deliberate. How many times have you or someone you know both read a book and went to see a movie based on the book then commented on how you thought the book was better? I wanted to remove that issue. I deliberately didn't paint scenes in detail and didn't use a lot of dialog so the screen writer would have maximum leeway.

You know. You aren't the first person to tell me I could condense down about how the images worked...You would be the first if you could condense it down, give the new version to someone up on current topics, and have it sound believable. As awkward as all that technical stuff was, and I cleaned it up a lot, it was necessary for both techies and non-technies alike.

The first three chapters of this book cement the realism for most readers. While the "it" is different for each reader, the fact remains the purchase price is paid in full by the time a reader gets to the end of chapter 3. As one reader commented here, Hans froze him in his chair. Another felt the icy fingers around their heart with the Nedim portrait in Chapter 1. The geeks here buy into it when they get all of that detail in Chapter 2 and start to believe this is a boiling down of a field report. There are jaded readers who don't get hooked by the end of chapter 3 until they talk to their techie friends about what they didn't understand in chapter 2, and when the techies go silent they get scared.

I'm glad you said this was a "make you think" piece. You've caught it.

Book Review for Roland Hughes


This is a global review for Infinite Exposure

Spine of Water Reed

Nedim is a muslim that has been caught for acts of terrorism. What I like about the beginning was the setup of the scene. Clear and logical in progression. I also like the fact that we got personal glimpses into Nedim’s personality, like in this sentence: ‘Nothing says importance like being able to order others to die. Isn’t that why he really got involved in this in the first place?’

Was there literal intonation behind the repetitive notion of ‘the good muslim’?

There seems to be a word missing in this sentence: “His hands were roughly untied, he right hand brought to the pen while the left was held behind him.

Nedim moves on to discover he’s been duped by the persons he hasn’t even been assigned to kill yet. British and German operatives of some type. He makes the pact to help them capture the persons responsible for setting him up.

What’s impressive here is the research you’ve done to set this chapter up. I can tell by the way you knew which direction the Muslim should pray that you’d done a lot of work to pull this chapter off. These minor details are what made Nedim a person to me with a life as a college student, trying to make ends meet and getting himself into a dilemma as a result.

Will we learn more about the Brit and German in the next chapter?



Slither of Snake

I was very glad to see more dialogue meet my eyes in this chapter. I don’t have a problem with rich description, but in my humble opinion, a book of this caliber can get bogged down very quickly with a lot of description.

The Trojan idea as an email infiltration method was great stuff. I got lost in who was talking after the brutes dropped off Nedim. More specifically, in this section:

“Is that all you know?”
“It is enough.”
“It is enough to want them dead, it is not enough to make it happen.”

But then I saw they were discussing Nedim and moved on to assume these were the two brutes. Or am I having an over the head moment?

You could condense the paragraph describing the function of how the base images will work to a couple sentences. That would increase the impact and keep your story flowing without sounding too much like a textbook. It also depends on what type of market you’re planning to send this too as well.

Brilliant ideas here: “Simple. One sender always uses images of birds, another beach scenes, another fish, etc.”

Again this is just a suggestion, but when you introduce John aka Kaliel, maybe intersperse some dialogue into the exposition? This will keep your reader from skimming over your well drawn out facts.

Like when Umar makes his case point for the spies in the next section. Specifically the dialogue where he proves to my friend the Brit that he was able to retrieve as many as he did in that day. There was conflict, flow, interaction, facts, and opposing personalities all lumped together inside the dialogue. My eyeballs were ready for chapter 2.

Overall, this is a very detailed, tightly written, and filled with tons of facts to make you think piece of work. I'm actually looking forward to reading the next couple chapters. Hope these tips help a bit.

I'll review chapters 3 and 4 next go round.

Yours in Prose
KayLeigh
The Seraph's Orb

I tried very hard to read six chapters as you prefer, but this isn't my sort of book, so I'm afraid I only managed three.
Chapter one was most compelling, it wasn't until I thought about it afterwards that I realised just how clever the whole set up was. I was just as fooled at Nedim, the three flights of stairs, the sounds of the mosque, it was all smoke and mirrors.The tightly controlled brutality which you conveyed so very well was chilling. The whole thing held me.
Chapter two and I'm afraid I was lost. The technical stuff went straight over my head, but I gasped enough of it to realise they were doing clever things to track sleeper cells etc. and to eaves drop on the organisations Nedim was helping.
Chapter three was probably just as chilling as chapter one, but for different reasons. Hans actually scared me. The thought that there are probably people with his views and his morals in the world is a disturbing and frightening thought.
All in alll I found your writing strong and appropriate to the ideas you are telling.

I will take a look at this and move it up into the backing side as soon as I get back from work, if Kelina (from author natrion -- A Virtual Reality) is off the computer ... LOL. so far the pitch is right up my alley so i may ask for more, you do have more chapters than what you have posted, right?

INFINITE EXPOSURE: Hi Roland, I'm here to return your kind read of Morgan the Dragon Slayer.

I don't think this would be my usual choice of reading, but I can see that you've done a tremendous amount of work and research, to produce it. While the characters don't evoke much emotional response in me, other than a vague almost-sympathy for Nedim (who would happily blow up someone like me,) but your details are impressive.

I was a little surprised when we suddenly stepped outside of Nedim's head to the head of the man in the suit, out in the car, especially as it seems a bit of an info dump - oops, need to tell the reader this - before going back to Nedim. The later changes of POV were less jarring to me, since you place us in a full scene with those other characters, rather than simply stepping out of Nadim's head for a couple paragraphs. So maybe be wary of changes of point-of-view that are just short blips within a greater scenario, that otherwise belongs to another character. That starts to feel a bit like random head-hopping.

Other than that, though, this is very dense and thought-provoking reading, and within my un-worldly view, it sounds like a back-stage view of terrorism today. I do wish you the best of luck, as I'm sure there's an audience for this type of story. :)

Thank you again for your kindness to and support of Morgan.
Cheers ~

G. M. Atwater

Appears quite good - looking forward to examining more carefully, but backing.

Hi Roland, returning your read of Matty :)
I'll be honest and admit that so far I've only read your first chapter. I was unsure if I would enjoy reading this because it's not something I would normally choose.
But...your opening chapter, IMO, is excellent, very well done. I'm right there in the story and your direct narrative is very effective.
To me, this reads very professionally and I am going to read on.
Bests,
AP
(Matty McDuff)

Hi,
This is an intriguing story. Not really my thing but it kept me reading. Your description is great, however, I did feel the character lacked emotional depth. More description of how everything made him feel as an individual person rather than how a good muslim would help in engaging the reader more with events as they happened to Nedim. This would provoke an emotional response in the reader that would endear them to caring what happens to the characters and reading on to find out. Good luck with it.

Sara (The Organ Grinder)

Sara (The Organ Grinder)

When you read beyond the first chapter you see why that was deliberately not done.

Hi,
This is an intriguing story. Not really my thing but it kept me reading. Your description is great, however, I did feel the character lacked emotional depth. More description of how everything made him feel as an individual person rather than how a good muslim would help in engaging the reader more with events as they happened to Nedim. This would provoke an emotional response in the reader that would endear them to caring what happens to the characters and reading on to find out. Good luck with it.

Sara (The Organ Grinder)

Sara (The Organ Grinder)

Roland,
Phew, that's a long opening chapter...at least for reading on Authonomy.
What a horror story. To be trapped and interrogated in such a manner.
Well described.
I like the use of the infected TH email to get info on the other IP address. Nice.
Nedim, although w/o anything overtly scary, does scare me.
heh, its nice that his captors/guards do the grocery shopping for him.
really does a good job at capitalizing on the fears we all were fed after 9/11
and I'm almost worried for Nedim...
Have run out of time but these 4 were impressive.
Best of luck!
-=Bradley

Wow... I don't know what to say.
I can't remember reading a book that's so filled with characters readers aren't supposed to root for. I mean, halfway through chapter 3 I was sneaking glances at my front door, making sure the SWAT team wasn't about to knock it down. I felt as if I shouldn't be reading the book, for it would make me understand the way of the terrorist.
It obvious that you've put a lot of research into this and it really reads as if you know what you are talking about.
I see that another reader stumbled over the line - being a computer consultant helped him work that out.
The line didn't bug me in another way than a man thinks he's smarter than another by way of his profession. But it didn't distragt me more than that.
Reading all the way through chapter 4 I'm still hoping that Nedim gets out alive but I also don't want him too as I fear he would just continue his work and that wouldn't be good for anyone.

I wrote down a few nit-picks but scanning through the highest comments, I see other's have pointed those out so I won't repeat those.
Not to mention, I'm not really a technical reader but I write down things all the same.

I know you didn't read chapter 6 of Hart but it struck me as funny that in chapter 1 Nedim is sitting there, thinking that there's no mirror and later on there's a man sitting in front of him with two goons behind him. It's funny seeing as how it reminded me of my own chapter.
When Nedim sees the letter with the already-made confession, I swallowed hard. That was sooo not a good sign for him at all.

Answering his most urgent call - Brilliant

Brutes and tiny brains - LOL Classic

Last I want to say congrats on
having an Ebook version out and the hard cover that's on the way. Maybe one day it will grace the
shelves at my workplace, a bookstore.

Haley Brite - Hart

I'm glad you like it. The book was written to appeal to a specific niche. It's not a Christmas story or a warm and fuzzy romance. As I have told others on here and in other places. This is a book without a hero.

Wow... I don't know what to say.
I can't remember reading a book that's so filled with characters readers aren't supposed to root for. I mean, halfway through chapter 3 I was sneaking glances at my front door, making sure the SWAT team wasn't about to knock it down. I felt as if I shouldn't be reading the book, for it would make me understand the way of the terrorist.
It obvious that you've put a lot of research into this and it really reads as if you know what you are talking about.
I see that another reader stumbled over the line - being a computer consultant helped him work that out.
The line didn't bug me in another way than a man thinks he's smarter than another by way of his profession. But it didn't distragt me more than that.
Reading all the way through chapter 4 I'm still hoping that Nedim gets out alive but I also don't want him too as I fear he would just continue his work and that wouldn't be good for anyone.

I wrote down a few nit-picks but scanning through the highest comments, I see other's have pointed those out so I won't repeat those.
Not to mention, I'm not really a technical reader but I write down things all the same.

I know you didn't read chapter 6 of Hart but it struck me as funny that in chapter 1 Nedim is sitting there, thinking that there's no mirror and later on there's a man sitting in front of him with two goons behind him. It's funny seeing as how it reminded me of my own chapter.
When Nedim sees the letter with the already-made confession, I swallowed hard. That was sooo not a good sign for him at all.

Answering his most urgent call - Brilliant

Brutes and tiny brains - LOL Classic

Last I want to say congrats on
having an Ebook version out and the hard cover that's on the way. Maybe one day it will grace the
shelves at my workplace, a bookstore.

Haley Brite - Hart

Bookstore read ch1.
Nit pick-
I was a little confused by the first paragraph. He wanted a new computer but that was satiated ten years ago? How that links into the story maybe further on, but as an initial paragraph, it makes no sense.
"Being a computer consultant helped him work that out" I am sorry, that is also a wierd statement. Surely a baker would have a similar ability to work out if he was alone or not?
It also took me a while to work out who Nedim was.
Maybe it would be better to introduce the reader to him, rather than change from 'him' to 'Nedim'?

Okay enough of nit picks.
Away from the confusion, the book was well paced and fairly descriptive.
I think with a little editing and maybe better explanations it would become a well written book.

JanB
Table for One

Thanks for your feedback. The book is what it is at this point. Ebook version is already out and hard cover will come out some time in February.

Bookstore read ch1.
Nit pick-
I was a little confused by the first paragraph. He wanted a new computer but that was satiated ten years ago? How that links into the story maybe further on, but as an initial paragraph, it makes no sense.
"Being a computer consultant helped him work that out" I am sorry, that is also a wierd statement. Surely a baker would have a similar ability to work out if he was alone or not?
It also took me a while to work out who Nedim was.
Maybe it would be better to introduce the reader to him, rather than change from 'him' to 'Nedim'?

Okay enough of nit picks.
Away from the confusion, the book was well paced and fairly descriptive.
I think with a little editing and maybe better explanations it would become a well written book.

JanB
Table for One

Well your pitch was enough to entice me to read on. Already shelved and backed, you have a unique tale going on here. A brilliant thrilling start to the story to pull in your audience, getting us asking the who, what, when and how questions that we must read on to discover the answer to. I love your description, narrative structure and voice.
Keep up the good work!

Tifa
[Eliphe Tiny-Wen]

Excellent cover, simple but effective and very striking as is the title and the pitch is very too the point, also brilliant. The opening is full of action but in a second hand way so it's also full of tension and I love the description of the room, having no big window so that there are witnesses, brilliant, backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Thanks for the backing!

Excellent cover, simple but effective and very striking as is the title and the pitch is very too the point, also brilliant. The opening is full of action but in a second hand way so it's also full of tension and I love the description of the room, having no big window so that there are witnesses, brilliant, backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Read 1 & 2... Al-Qaeda guy getting tortured... West v Caliphate etc... I am trying to read this as a novel and I am wondering who the "hero" is (the person I can root for) and I think if this is to work as a novel, as opposed to a polemic, or a succession of disconnected scenes, you need to specify in your pitch who your hero is, the kind of problems he must surmount, and the public and private stakes. In my view, the hero's journey is the spine of the narrative. Perhaps I need to read more? But would an editor in a publishing house do more than I have done?
I think there is a story here, and you have the talent to bring it out. Shelved.
Frank

There are no heroes in this story. Everybody who reads it roots for someone else, some times they root for different someones at different points. It is a novel, but it isn't a formula. There is no visible singular protagonist or antagonist.

Quite simply it is a perfect storm along the lines of the Xmas day attempted airline bombing. If any _one_ thing had happened differently that would have been a dramatically different news report. In truth, the only reason those passengers are alive today is because someone didn't know how to mix explosives correctly. A zillion things happened in their favor, but only one thing went our way.

This is much the same story, but on a dramatically different scale and written in time to stop the currently inevitable outcome.

If it is a frame of reading reference you want, think of it as watching "Tora! Tora! Tora!" _before_ the attack.

Read 1 & 2... Al-Qaeda guy getting tortured... West v Caliphate etc... I am trying to read this as a novel and I am wondering who the "hero" is (the person I can root for) and I think if this is to work as a novel, as opposed to a polemic, or a succession of disconnected scenes, you need to specify in your pitch who your hero is, the kind of problems he must surmount, and the public and private stakes. In my view, the hero's journey is the spine of the narrative. Perhaps I need to read more? But would an editor in a publishing house do more than I have done?
I think there is a story here, and you have the talent to bring it out. Shelved.
Frank

Roland
For someone who is university educated, Nedim thinks like a 10-year-old who has been well and truly indoctrinated and can regurgitate ideas at will for he shows neither emotion or passion about what is happening to him. There was no sense of him being afraid, no thoughts of what might happen to him, no concern for those he loved or cared about. I know a lot of good Muslims and they are some of the most emotive people I know, their belief is firmly rooted in their emotions and they feel passionately about everything. Islam is a way of life to them, a reason for living.

When he was being smacked around, you told us what was happening but I had no sense that Nedim was feeling anything. So I must come to the conclusion that Nedim is only a ‘good Muslim’ in the sense that he has been told from an early age what defines ‘good’ and none of it is steeped in reality. Anyway it becomes an arbitrary label which I imagine gets up the nose of many who might read this, particularly if they are genuinely good Muslims.

That aside, I guess what struck me the most about the man was how insignificant he was – so self-absorbed, so numb to anything of importance. So, thinks I, why would I be remotely interested in reading about such a person? I could find nothing to like about him, even his apathy was not attractive, nothing to endear me to his cause. So if he could arouse no passion or feeling in me, then why would I want to invest time reading about him?

You've almost caught on. Had you made it just a little farther in, to just after the point where Nedim's character disappears from the story, you might even figure it out before the ending happens.

I applaud your description of Nedim. You managed to put most of the pieces on the table, you just didn't manage to put them together. The offense you took caused you to miss one of the major pieces, you saw it, you just didn't connect it. Nedim is a "good muslim" just like those "good christians" who claim all life is sacred then send one of their own out to firebomb a women's medical center killing the doctors and nurses who work there. In short, he's a fraud. So are the vast majority of people making up the communications and financial infrastructure of al-Qaeda. Until a person understands that, they cannot understand the war, the attack, or the why. Nedim was based on a real life character. One that was willing to do anything to save their own skin and had no belief one way or the other in what they did. In the Western world, he would be an MBA. There, he was an IT consultant.

I was curious about one thing though, whom do you intend your audience to be for this? I could see no hooks to attract those of whom he thought so poorly , so educated and working women are out, he also alienated any Muslim not 'good' like him, so I can only assume the narcissistic, sadistic and self-absorbed would find Nedim to their liking, him being a reflection of themselves. Now that is a compelling readership.

The audience for the book is anyone with a credit/debit card who wants to avoid being a victim of the attack. I have already had a former NSA Field OP read through it, but I didn't write it for that market, no doubt some copies will go there, but they weren't the target.

This book wasn't written out of some need to be creative. It was written in response to an interview question about one of my technical books. The question was "Where do you see IT in the next 5-10 years?" The interviewer was unable to completely grasp my response of "The root of the next nuclear war." This book paints out how I see it happening. Some of the events have already occurred, even the people in Sony Acquisitions were quite floored when they read some headlines which occurred less than three months after reading this.

In short, the audience for this book are the people who watch "60 Minutes" and/or subscribe to "U.S. News & World Report".


Thanks for your feedback!

Infinite Exposure is definitely my kind of book. Straight in with the action in a well-paced and well-written thriller that I'm happy to back.
On the downside, I'm not totally convinced that Nedim would allow his thoughts to wander while being interrogated, though it's a useful device to introduce backstory relatively cleanly. Also IMHO the editor should also have a hard look at keeping some consistency in points of view. For example in C4 the POV jumps about from Nedim to Ramesh to John to Nedim to Kent to Vladimir... and so on. This distracts and confuses me - the story would be tighter and more effective if you select a single POV character, and keep the reader inside their head for the entire chapter or scene. Although this means you can't tell the reader about the thoughts and emotions of the other characters directly, the benefit is that you have to show this [instead of telling] through their actions and dialogue as observed/ experienced by your POV character. Try it and see! Good luck.

Thank you for your backing and your feedback. This story cannot have a single POV character, but you would have to get a bit farther in to realize why. There are a lot of different stories happening in this book. In the end, most of them collide in the worst possible way. While, for this particular thread, I could have chosen the man in the suit instead of Nedim, I needed to show something very specific with Nedim, something that couldn't have been shown via the suit. Nedim drops out of the picture soon into this book, just as he did in real life, but without what he shows, one cannot understand what the book is about, indeed, without that scene which confused you, it is almost impossible to show or tell why things occur the way they occur in any believable fashion. As you get farther into the book you should find that tiny amount of time we spent in Ramesh's head explains a lot, at least those who have read the book all the way through say it does. In the end, I would have had to add at least three chapters and two more story lines to the book to explain the tiny portion of information handed over in those few pages. The additional story lines and chapters would have slowed the pace, or been perpetually out of time/sync with the rest of the story, unless I started with them, which wasn't an option. To really understand just how the disaster happens, you have to start in Nedim's mind.

When one is talking about non-hardened criminals, their mind always wanders during interrogation. One of the most effective techniques is to leave them sitting alone, sometimes for hours, in an interrogation room (stewing). They must be monitored remotely so you can prevent them from sleeping, but it does chew them up. You would be correct about the hardened types. They switch over to praying, meditating, or sleeping with their eyes open, thus the stewing has no impact on them.


I'm glad you like the story otherwise.

Infinite Exposure is definitely my kind of book. Straight in with the action in a well-paced and well-written thriller that I'm happy to back.
On the downside, I'm not totally convinced that Nedim would allow his thoughts to wander while being interrogated, though it's a useful device to introduce backstory relatively cleanly. Also IMHO the editor should also have a hard look at keeping some consistency in points of view. For example in C4 the POV jumps about from Nedim to Ramesh to John to Nedim to Kent to Vladimir... and so on. This distracts and confuses me - the story would be tighter and more effective if you select a single POV character, and keep the reader inside their head for the entire chapter or scene. Although this means you can't tell the reader about the thoughts and emotions of the other characters directly, the benefit is that you have to show this [instead of telling] through their actions and dialogue as observed/ experienced by your POV character. Try it and see! Good luck.

The first chapter is riddled with detail of what happens to Nedim. It is severely indepth which is a good and a bad thing. I like the details but did feel it lagged a little. It starts out all action but soon turns to more of an emotional and thinking story. I really liked it, this was written well but for me it seemed to drag a little. This certainly didn't take away from the importance of the scene, nor did it draw away from the plot, but I wanted to note that the excess of details did draw a bit away from the fluidity. a slower pace isn't a bad thing but the beginning really kicked it in, door and all. ;)
Enjoyed this.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Thanks for your feedback. I cannot read crime stories which don't provide enough detail to actually commit the crime as I consider them frauds. The details are extremely important in this story as it is based upon real events.

The first chapter is riddled with detail of what happens to Nedim. It is severely indepth which is a good and a bad thing. I like the details but did feel it lagged a little. It starts out all action but soon turns to more of an emotional and thinking story. I really liked it, this was written well but for me it seemed to drag a little. This certainly didn't take away from the importance of the scene, nor did it draw away from the plot, but I wanted to note that the excess of details did draw a bit away from the fluidity. a slower pace isn't a bad thing but the beginning really kicked it in, door and all. ;)
Enjoyed this.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor