Suitcase of Memories

Hi Grace, I just realised that you have recently updated Suitcase of Memories so took a look at it. I've read everything uploaded and loved it.

So much that I like, the lyrics at the start of each chapter, the way that Rob and Eve meet again and how Karen is tangled in their mess (although Rob is taking in how hot Eve is a little too much, made me wonder how loyal he will be to Karen), the relationship between Dawn and Peadar. When I read chapter six I was dreading moving on, could see what was coming. The dialogue and narrative are very easy to read and feel very natural. The structure and pace work well with clear breaks in the POV, you never feel confused as to which POV you are in.

Few notes I made:
ch 7: 'But he wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mount' - mouth

'She was still out of sorts the past couple of days, but not to the same extinct as...' - extent

I can't help but wonder why the seminar is mentioned so early and wonder will it be an opportune moment for something bad to happen for Eve and Cullen.

I would read more of this were it posted.

Had a good time reading this. Usually stay away from Chick lit, and yet, the initial poetry and the writing is very good. Listening to the news of Peader’s death had me in Goosebumps.
This is quality stuff. Great dialogue, a moving story, very well written.
Backed.
Paul
We’ve Seen the Enemy

Oh no, what did Cullen mean? Did he want to go off on a break somewhere rather than taking a break? And was he actually trying to propose?! I need to know! :-) Typical miscommunication between men and women!

I was really looking forward to reading this Grace and it was fantastic. I love the different points of view and the way you make the narrative flow in a way that seems effortless. I think that's what makes a good chick lit book. It is really easy to read and the hints at things which have happened in the past keep you reading. I liked the letter format you use when Eve tells Rob what happened all those years ago. There is good tension between the characters as well because some of them know what's going on (Dawn mainly) while the others know bits and pieces. The way she met Dawn on the plan is really poignant and I love the relationship and converstation between the three women, it's very realistic and you can tell how much they care about each other.

I don't think you need it but good luck with this Grace! I'll be keeping an eye on your progress.

Amelia (Everything You Ever Wanted) :-)

Grace,
I love it.
When can I read more? There's such a great story there. It all worksso well together.
I love the lyric at the start of each chapter. It makes everything so much more real and easier to relate to.
Its great the way you can use such simple language but yet have so much meaning behind your words. And of course being from Cork I love the fact that its set there! The Bailey! Like wow! It makes it so much more real, you know? And Red FM of course! Excellent touch! (you must be a Corconian or else you've done excellent research)
I think you have a great future. Sincerely. I hope you get noticed.
LC89

Hi Grace, I've read the first three chapters so far and loved it. It's perfect chic-lit, flows easily and well written. I'm already intrigued by the characters and the plots, especially by what happened ten years ago. Really enjoyed it so will be putting on my bookshelf:)

Stephanie - Feathers

you have had a long journey here.... this book is an enjoyable read. funny and entertaining. not usually into chick lit, but every now and then something stands out. i like the premise here and misty ireland....
j
what every woman should know

Read all that was posted. Its a nice read. I'm a sucker for the second guys... in romances... and I do hope that Cullen and Eve make it.
Chap 7 ... I think it should be end of story...its end of....
You might want to change certain cliche sentences.... somebody has posted about this on this site..... confirmed my worst fears and the like....
The conversation between Rob and Eve could do with some more tension, both dialogue and pov....
The rest of it is an easy read.. Nice for chick lit... Hope to read more. highlystarred and will back later...
Pam

Intended on reading the first few chapters tonight, but kept on going till chapter 8: great story-line and really well-written. What struck me in the beginning is how skillfull you are in changing point of view - you do this in a controlled and effective manner so that the reader gets to know the characters. For example in chapter 2 the pov shifts from Dawn to Rob, in chapter 3 from Karen to Cullen and in chapter 4 from Eve to Dawn. I found the scene when Rob and Eve meet in chapter 5 poignant; '... but she was still his Evelyn. Still his childhood sweetheart.' The dialogue flows naturally too and emotions are not dramatised, which make it all so authentic.
High stars from me today and future backing.

Maria (Georgina's Family)

Hi Grace, Being a celt myself this book made me laugh and at times want to cry, your characters are perfectly created, you articulate yourself well, even with the dialect, which grabs you in.

I love this story, its really a breath of fresh air, not a lot of fantasy just realism. This is definitely a girlie book, but its one you won't out down.

I love the cover, its eye-catching.
Highly starred

Thanks
FC

Hi Grace, Being a celt myself this book made me laugh and at times want to cry, your characters are perfectly created, you articulate yourself well, even with the dialect, which grabs you in.

I love this story, its really a breath of fresh air, not a lot of fantasy just realism. This is definitely a girlie book, but its one you won't out down.

I love the cover, its eye-catching.
Highly starred

Thanks
FC

Hello Grace-

book- Suitcase of Memories-

Back again to read the edited 10 chapters posted-
Oh nearly forgot- the cover captures the story very well-
Great characters, who amuse, for the young chick-lit readers here- Eve-Dawn-Rob- and many more as the story moves on-
Set Co Cork Ireland this read with Irish sayings and words- like the boat that capsized off Mine Head' the Cailin Rua' , have to say i enjoyed the second read again-and yes, it's polished-

good luck Grace
tom bye
book- from hugs to kisses-

and it's beautiful written, in an energetic and vibrant style, and very update-

Hello. I'm a newer memember (a couple of months) and I see most people post praise for everything just to get someone to read, comment, and boost their ratings. I'm not that person. I read pretty much what strikes me than provide some honest thoughts.

I think the setting of your story is interesting. The lives you have chose to portray are as well. I'm not feeling the flow sentence to sentence or paragraph to paragraph. I get stuck. I think the overall storyline is good and should be massaged into a voice that speaks from a soul.

Potential? Definately. I'm no judge but these are my honest throughts. It took me over 10 years to write the book have listed here and still there is work to be done. It takes time. Best of luck. Stacy G.

I read this all in one sitting, and was so disappointed there wasn't more to read! It is so good and I was drawn in by the first paragraph! By the first few chapters, I was already attached to the characters and felt the deep loss of Peadar with the rest of your characters. It's on my shelf, and I can't wait to read more!
Courtney
Forget-me-not

I love the way your first chapter begins and ends with the quotes from Ole Lang Syne- that works great! The story really drew me in; what an enjoyable read!
I thought there was too much information about Karen, from Dawn's perspective at the beginning of CH2. For me it became more interesting with the paragraph about how Eve had behaved when she'd seen Rob. Apart from a few too many cliche's and the use of the word 'eye' a few too many times in CH3 I couldn't find anything else to criticise at this point. It's fun and keeps me wanting to read on!!! Well done!

This opens very well. You make the story interesting from the start.
You really know how to develop a plot.
Your writing flows well.
I like the title you chose, because it is different.
Good work.
Best wishes.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds, when you have time.

I've just finished reading everything you've put up and would gladly read more! I love the way the story starts with the hook of a hidden secret from the past, it instantly made me want to read on. The point of view of different characters and short chapters work really well and keep the action moving. I love all the characters so far, and the scene with Monica and Dawn on the pier made me well up! Highly starred and on my watch list.

Best of luck,

Oktober

I've just read the first chapter and totally agree with your fellow authors... I love the way the chapter starts with a song, it makes the story easy to follow and so realistic. I also like the dialect between charactes, it draws you in and gives you this picture in your head. Well done so far, looking forward to reading more (highly starred)

I've read the first chapter and have to agree with your fellow author's comments... I love the way it starts with the song, it makes it so much easier to relate too. I also like the way your dialect between characters is so easy to follow, and so realistic. Well done so far, am looking forward to reading more (highly starred)

Love the use of lyrics, especially Sinatra, although then I saw Bon Jovi and now I'm up in the air. :) Writing style is crisp and sharp. Seems like a good read.

Hi Grace, I just realised that you have recently updated Suitcase of Memories so took a look at it. I've read everything uploaded and loved it.

So much that I like, the lyrics at the start of each chapter, the way that Rob and Eve meet again and how Karen is tangled in their mess (although Rob is taking in how hot Eve is a little too much, made me wonder how loyal he will be to Karen), the relationship between Dawn and Peadar. When I read chapter six I was dreading moving on, could see what was coming. The dialogue and narrative are very easy to read and feel very natural. The structure and pace work well with clear breaks in the POV, you never feel confused as to which POV you are in.

Few notes I made:
ch 7: 'But he wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mount' - mouth

'She was still out of sorts the past couple of days, but not to the same extinct as...' - extent

I can't help but wonder why the seminar is mentioned so early and wonder will it be an opportune moment for something bad to happen for Eve and Cullen.

I would read more of this were it posted.

Though I'm not typically a fan of chick lit/romance, I immediately connected with Evelyn. Up until I turned twenty, New Years Eve was like a curse for me. Without fail, every year something horrible happened. That was until my fiancé insisted we get married on New Years Eve. Just a few sentences into this and I'm curious to see where this goes.

Should be: "cousin's house party."

I'd spell out "eighteen" and "ten."

Should be: "I'll go!" she said, trying to inject some enthusiasm into her voice.

I'm a little torn. Telling the reader about the experience ten years earlier might serve as a really strong hook. However, I like the anticipation, too. Maybe consider both options?

Should be: "at arm's length." Don't forget the apostrophe when showing possession. Again with "tipped his pint to Peadar's" since you're referring to his drink.

You use quite a few cliché phrases such as "made her skin crawl" and "treated her like a door mat." An occasional cliché is okay, but make sure you keep your prose original.

Should be: "Hi, Rob," she said in a shaky voice just above a whisper. In fact, much of your dialogue needs restructured to be correct.

A fiancée refers to a female. A fiancé refers to a male.

At times I feel the writing can be tightened. Possibly develop stronger verb choice and reword to simplify some of your longer, less impactful sentences.

Love the line: "She was so oblivious to the fact that the proverbial shit was about to hit the fan in spectacular fashion." Nice voice here. Don't hold back with this type of voice; it will help liven this piece up.

I like the way the last line ties to the opening lines. Great job bringing this full circle.

This is a solid start. Considering I'm not usually a fan of romance, you kept my attention, and I was intrigued throughout the opening chapter. Best of luck with this!

Oh love it!

Hi Grace

I wasnt sure that this was going to be my kind of thing, when I first started reading it. But I have devoured the first six chapters in one sitting! Really really enjoyed it. I am rubbish at giving crits, but I do know what I like, and I really like this. 6 stars and I will upload to my shelf as soon as a space opens up.

Jules

- Suitcase of Memories -

(chapters one to three)

I've enjoyed what I've read here. The writing is accomplished and polished and the characters believable and likeable. Each chapter ends well, with a page-turner effect and the short structure of each makes for an easy read. The interrelationships between the various characters is evident from the off and immediately gives a sense of depth to the plot. I suppose there are some well-worn themes and characters in there - the woman who struggles with her weight, the woman who is a bastard magnet and assumes that all men are bastards etc, but at the same time there do tend to be a lot of women meeting this desciption in real life so it's probaly not as much cliche as it is rooted in reality.

I have a few notes, which I hope will help a little.

- There seem to be a lot of missing possessive apostrophes, 'cousins house party', 'arms length' etc.

- If a sentence continues aftes dialogue, the closing seech mark should be preceded by a comma (unless the character's sentence ends in a question or exclamation mark) and the word following the speech marks should not be capitalised (unless it's a name). So....

....'He's in the little boy's room. She said.....

....should be.... 'He's in the little boy's room,' she said.

- Generally 'OK' is either capitalisey or written 'okay'. Writing the abbreviation in lower case letters isn't customary.

- 'She hated hangovers. They were no fun!' Both sentences here seem superfluous as the are raher obvious.

As I say, these are minor nitpicks. The writing itself is solid and accomplished and I'm certain the novel will appeal to readers of the genre.

All the best with it,

Ross

-'pinpoint' is one word (chapter 3)

Hi Grace :-)
Have just read all the chapters you've uploaded and really enjoyed them. Is this book completed? I would love to read the rest and find out what happens! Bit cruel of you to leave us hanging there. I like that there are stories running through the main story. It switches from Eve and Rob's history to Dawn and the loss of her husband :-( Are the chapters on here in the order they are in the book?
A few little things I noticed:

You use the word Loose instead of Lose.

His girlfriend, and now fiancé, of three years, Eve, was sat opposite him stretched out on the couch. (This sentence to me has too many commas, perhaps take out the one between fiance and of?)

Look a gift horse in the mount – is this supposed to say mouth? That’s the saying in nz anyway :-)

Not to the same extinct as she was straight after New Years – should be extent

Reliving is one word

“After they beating us!” not sure if it’s the Irish way, but I would just have ‘beat’

"The other three are being left home later today" – I think it’s supposed to be ‘let’ home?

Patrick Swayze (not Swaysie)

He didn’t want do depress people further – should be ‘to’

The rest of it is so professionally written I'm surprised it's not already been picked up by a publisher. Have you submitted it to anyone?
Great book, great cover. Have given you six stars :-)
Tammy

Hi Grace
I like your MC and you give the reader the fact that there is a secret early on. I had expected there to be a pregnancy but from Rob. Jerry was a surprise. You write short punchy chapters so get to the point quickly. I wonder if you have given away too much too soon as a novel you will need 95,000 plus words – so an awful lot of chapters. I love the line Dawn woke up feeling as sick as a small hospital. But perhaps you should relook at the continuing line as you use the word AS, five times in two sentences. Peaders demise was a shock and very well handled. You have a strong writers voice and I expect this will do quite well for you. This is an easy pick up put down book and the fact that your chapters are short means its an easy read on the tube for the morning commute.
Good luck with it.
Sue
Knowing Liam Riley/Grace

Hi Grace
I like your MC and you give the reader the fact that there is a secret early on. I had expected there to be a pregnancy but from Rob. Jerry was a surprise. You write short punchy chapters so get to the point quickly. I wonder if you have given away too much too soon as a novel you will need 95,000 plus words – so an awful lot of chapters. I love the line Dawn woke up feeling as sick as a small hospital. But perhaps you should relook at the continuing line as you use the word AS, five times in two sentences. Peaders demise was a shock and very well handled. You have a strong writers voice and I expect this will do quite well for you. This is an easy pick up put down book and the fact that your chapters are short means its an easy read on the tube for the morning commute.
Good luck with it.
Sue
Knowing Liam Riley/Grace

Hello Grace--
'Suitcase of Memories'

Read this delightful book of your some 237 days ago now, and very surprised that it is not higher up in the ranking. Had another look at some of the chapters i might have missed, and conclude that it is still
as good as i rated it then.
however if the star system was not in then, i now give it my six stars
good luck
tom bye dublin ireland
from hugs to kisses

Hello Grace--
'Suitcase of Memories'

Read this delightful book of your some 237 days ago now, and very surprised that it is not higher up in the ranking. Had another look at some of the chapters i might have missed, and conclude that it is still
as good as i rated it then.
however if the star system was not in then, i now give it my six stars
good luck
tom bye dublin ireland
from hugs to kisses

A captivating story, good characterisation. Good luck with this book Yours Bea

From the first sentence I was drawn completely into the story. Your style, voice and flow is effortless. The characters are well described and it gives the reader a clear picture who they are as you bring them into this tight circle of friends. The hook of what happened years ago between Eve and Rob is what initially kept me turning the pages, and the death of Paedar was written with such a realism, that it brought me to tears. The sudden way life changes when you least expect it was artfully crafted. I'm left wondering how long his ghost remains at Dawns side, and where the next pages will lead.

There is nothing I can say to improve this....it is wonderful. I have rated it top stars and will back it for awhile on my shelf. Please hurry in getting this published....I need to know what happens.

All my best,
Wendy
'And When'

Its so important to get your reader asking questions, to pique their interest with something mysterious, just out of reach and you do it instantly and skillfully. I could feel myself being drawn into the narrative as I began to wonder what had happened on New Years Eve all those years ago.

I really like the end of the first chapter, going back to the song. Ties the chapter up well, while also encouraging the reader onto the next chapter. I liked the character of Dawn, she is balances the heaviness of Eve at the start - I laughed at 'learn to say no when someone yelled shots'.

The introduction of Uncle Jerry is a bit confusing, especially as this is such an anticipated scene, be careful of frustrating your reader but not giving them all of the details (I was given that advice at Arvon when I had left out some details and my tutor told me off).

But an enjoyable engaging read.
Backed
Leila
Life Is Not A Love Song

Be careful of repeating unusual words - like champers.

Not usually my cup of tea, but this story is keeping me curious and hooked, so I'm going to keep reading for the sake of wanting to know what happened between Rob and Eve 10 years ago. I really enjoyed this :)
~Evie

Grace,
I read all ten chapters and this does seem really different from when I read it previously.
I like the short sharp chapters and the changing POV.
The story moves along at a good pace.
There were a couple of repeated phrases, but thats just a minor edit.
Overall I enjoyed what I read and I think its a well polished piece. Definitely one that will be liked by your target audience.
Cheers Jacoba
Back on my shelf at some stage in the next month

Goodness, such a tragic opening.. it really moved me. The narrative is intriguing and encaspulating and you have great characterisation. Very best wishes, Emily (Traps and Topaz)

This is so on my WL and the next book to go on my shelf for a while! This is the sort of book I would love to take on holiday with me next month so hurry and get this published! You're a talented writer - a style combination of Jennifer Weiner and Jody Picoult - two of my favorites of course.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle
Electric Company

I took a look at this on a recommendation and i really enjoyed it.

Its poigniont, well written, jam packed full of emotion and has a hidden depth that only someone who has lost a loved one will probably connect to.

I enjoyed seeing the different view points, and felt it was a good way to get the story across without seeming to be too much of a weepy story. i def feel there should be a little more posted so we can see where she goes after losing her husband, but aprt from that its a great read.

Jackie

Hi Grace,
I really liked this, it has an upsetting subject matter but its not depressing. I really liked chapter 1, and the fact that you didn't use the 'main' protag to introduce the story. Just a few typo's and things that could be rectified by reading it aloud to yourself.

Hope you put some more up soon, this is backed :)

Silvachilla
(Behind Closed Doors and The Secret Diary)

On my watchlist - looking forward to reading this.

My goodness, Grace, you certainly know how to write some action-packed emotion. The sudden death of Peadars from a heart attack so young struck a massive emotional blow with me. I will admit I burst into tears when I read the lyrics of And When A Hero Comes Along. It was my best friend, Mandy's, favourite song. She was the life and soul of the party, completely off her lovable head and I adored her. She died last July, aged thirty-six from a heart attack. Unlike Peadars she had warnings, but she was ignored by doctors. who thought she was making it up. But not one of those doctors was there to watch her two young teenage sons carry their mother's coffin. Reading one of the character's speeches in church brought back memories of doing the same thing only six months ago.
You've got a great narrative voice and excellent characters. I loved the puppy - it was a perfect ending for me.
I also loved the pub scene with the lads, especially Ross, the dirty dog, getting caught with his tongue down his workmates throat. I love a bad boy - after all, I did marry one, and he's had a few whacks across the kisser, too. Ha ha!
When this is published I will buy it for sure.
Kind regards Kat.
ps backed and starred.

Hi Grace. I've been to Cork but your not quite accurate, the whole Island is charming.

I don't usually read Chick Lit but, to be honest, I liked your picture.

Well, your opening paragraph is superb. Really draws one in. The first chapter is not bogged down with unnecessary detail or descriptive phrases; although I think you could write great descriptive narrative if you wanted. You have a beautiful and smooth flowing voice. The first chapter has no dialogue, which I don't usually like. In your case, it's short enough not to become dull. In fact, I was surprised with your hook at the end. So far, it doesn't sound like chick lit to me. You could be on to something. Good start. Well done.

I don't suppose I could convince you to take a look at a chapter or two of my book, A PLACE IN LIFE, could I? It would definitely be a switch from chick lit, but that's why I would appreciate your first impression.

Good luck with your book and I hope to hear from you.

Old Bob
A PLACE IN LIFE

This sounds really good, reminds me of soemthing Patricia Scanlan would write about and I love her. Adding to my watchlist :)

just taking the time to support this book once again under the new system...
j

How wonderful, you are, Grace!! :) Thank you so very much for again backing my memoirs/testimony book. :) May God richly bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I just looked to see if I had ******-ed your book & it is ******-rated (6 gold ******'s) :) Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because I'm 9 from the editor's desk & trying to be in the top 5 to be chosen, the end of December :) - I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 20 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after 9-1/2 months trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks earlier this year.

Hi Grace 'suitcase of memories.

Lovely cover and a title that suits the story, i like both,
Read most of the chapters of this delightful and beautifully written story .It well sit very well with the target audience of the young adult, Up to the minute dialogue very up to the minute and makes for easy reading. Like the poetry intro to each chapter, very tastefully done. This book will do very well with the American Irish people who will love this tale based in Cork, in Southern Ireland.

Tom Bye ' From Hugs to Kisses'
Please back mine and if you like it star accordingly . thank you grace

Your dialogue is strong, and the widow's speech at the end of chap 2 was very sweet. My only advice is more description--I felt like I was having to put everything in. Just some polishing. :) I wish you luck on your writing. :) If you have any spare time, could you take a look at Alexis and comment, please? If not, I understand. It gets hectic here. :) Good luck!

--Shieldmaiden

I read this previously and, as an outsider from the romantic literature scene, felt qualified only to comment on its literary merits. The seven chapters available set the stage, proficiently reveal the characters and their foibles, together with the interaction between all of the players. With each chapter devoted to an individual and their inner narrative the plot takes shape. I would like to see perhaps two or three more chapters to verify the direction and development of plot. My wife has since read the segment uploaded and says it ticks the all the boxes. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

The seven chapters available set the stage, proficiently reveal the characters and their foibles, together with the interaction between all of the players. With each chapter devoted to an individual and their inner narrative the plot takes shape. I would like to see perhaps two or three more chapters to verify the direction and development of plot. Backed. Bocri. The Tuzla Run.

A suitcase full of memories I wish there was more to read. I think you have handled this brilliantly./ It is was it says on the tin. It’s not overly sentimental but has the right lever or personal interest. The side stories give a relief to the main one. I like the generousness of Dawn’s nature she wants everyone to feel involved there’s no bickering, just quiet respect. Wish there was more to read. Best of luck with it it’s a great story.
Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – Please spend a moment to take a look

You have a story to tell and you tell it. More and more I am starting to understand the writer's rule of show, not tell. As good as the story is - sometimes when we're reading, we're listening, and that is jarring. Get someone to read your written words aloud to you, you will see what I mean. BFP The Tails of Willie Gusty

I do love good chick lit :) And I am particularly fond of first person POV (Its what I write in too)... Happy to back this. One small nitpick, Dawn's wedding memory that she speaks to her husband is beautiful and sentimental, but far too long. I'd suggest trying to break it up a bit, or at least breaking it out into paragraphs. Cheers and good luck with your novel, Jennifer - A MATTER OF CONSCIENCE-

You are totally fantastic, Grace. :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir book? :) You bring tears to my eyes in that you tried again for me, too ;) :) - bitter-sweet, so sweet! :) God bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I'll #11 to put your book on my watchlist. :)

I do like your use of the first person narrative. It allows you to fully explore, and you do it well, all of Dawn's feelings, thoughts and emotions. Other than in Chapter One your predominate use of short paragraphs and crisp, realistic dialogue keeps the pace of your story flowing nicely. Your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Just my opinion of course, but Chapter one drags a bit and paragraph two is too long. I would look for a natural break in that paragraph. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Grace,

Good Story. Certainly, captures very human emotions everyone can identify with at some point.
Nice writing. Good Characterization.
Good Luck!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'