On The Plus Side

I read this story when it was on inkpop.com the first year you had posted it and since then I had been checking back like an addict waiting for new chapters. A few months back you had finally uploaded and once again Lily and Devin had a story to tell! Then inkpop got bought out and I searched for you on figment, but it was like the story vanished! I needed to find out what happened and that is how I found it here. What I am trying to say is, you have to finish this story. It is really great and the characters are actually real. Plus everyone loves a coming out story for the big girl! Other than flow and the occasional tense or wording (the later critic based on opinion), everything else is great and you should be VERY proud. Great story that should be finished and published one day. I didn't make an account on authonomy for nothing! :D

I read this story when it was on inkpop.com the first year you had posted it and since then I had been checking back like an addict waiting for new chapters. A few months back you had finally uploaded and once again Lily and Devin had a story to tell! Then inkpop got bought out and I searched for you on figment, but it was like the story vanished! I needed to find out what happened and that is how I found it here. What I am trying to say is, you have to finish this story. It is really great and the characters are actually real. Plus everyone loves a coming out story for the big girl! Other than flow and the occasional tense or wording (the later critic based on opinion), everything else is great and you should be VERY proud. Great story that should be finished and published one day. I didn't make an account on authonomy for nothing! :D

You know, I only ever meant to read the first three chapters, but I'm sitting here after having read all fifteen and I want the rest. Your characters are great, and the story is so engaging. Lily and Devin are so obviously in love and Devin's having such a tough time trying to figure out the mess he's in. The chemistry between them is just explosive. I love your story!

Obviously you need to do some editing because there are spelling and grammar errors. The only thing that I really feel I need to mention is that you keep spelling 'customer' as 'costumer'. But really, this is great. Six stars and a spot on my shelf in the near future!

Jasmine

Not my usual read, but I thought the pitches promised something a bit different, so I read the first couple of chapters. I found a charming, humorous, nicely written piece of work. Impossible not to empathize with Lilly, lumbered with her snobby, thoughtless mother. Couldn't help thinking of Ugly Betty, as Lilly's warm, fiercely independent personality shone through. Devin is also interesting, determined and protective of his family. The writing flows well, making for a smooth, easy read. A good edit would tighten the writing. Generously starred and on my WL for further reading. Good luck with this.

Loving this, can't wait to read more.

Hi Tabatha

Love the premise of this book, sounds just up my street :) The beginning of the story made me think we were with someone younger than 22, but as I read on it made sense. It's reminding me a little of Jane Green's Jemima J at the beginning, which is also a great read.

This is nicely written and I've starred. Will move onto my shelf shortly.

Silva
The Secret Diary

I found your book, because we had shelved the same one and really liked your forward. I seem to find the best books this way.

Your book is written in a sweet voice. With each chapter it gets better. I love that she makes him crazy and has no idea how amazing she is. You have written a very funny, entertaining book : )

Tabatha

First off star rated and will be moving to my shelf in the next day or two.

I read the first two chapters and I felt the personalities of both your main characters were well defined in those chapters. You've set up a good story and I look to read more later.

Flow and style are easy and inviting to read which makes me wish I had a paperback of it already in my hands. (something about the feel of paperback makes curling up with a story more pleasurable which is what I want with yours.) I'm already wondering does the Lilly see her mother's passive aggressive behavior with the sports car, sitting in a booth and shopping for clothes that are too small. With Devin I can feel the the trapped feeling as he thinks about Renee and why he even wastes time with her.

Now for the oops I'm still editing stuff.
Chapter 1-I know Lilly wants love but too much of a good thing makes my teeth hurt. When she talks about ice cream instead of love how about want. Looking at the couple what about closeness, devotion, security, etc. Just ideas I understand the overly romantic ideals that we as girls let ourselves thing about.

Chapter 2-. Instead of saying "customers" you have "costumers" so a simple find and replace should clear that up in about 2 seconds. (Unless they dress up the cars in the shop:) I it saw in in more than one place so I assume it was a correct all issue when spell check was going through your work.
to make a cleaner read ".....Jenny, which should've been a boy," Who is a better word than which.
"running out the garage" would read better "running out of the garage" (I'll bet you that your mind adds the "of" when you read it, I have that problem all the time)
Finally you have Devin asking a lot of questions but you have it say "I said" it would be cleaner with "asked" or "ask" (I'm horrible at verb tense so you would be better at judging that one) but with 4 or 5 questions in a row it would be better to have the proper verb.

Overall it's an enjoyable read and like I said I will be supporting it and good luck and I hope you reach the ED and that my comments were helpful.

Michel

you write so natural...many people do not like honest style. l do; lt works so well, and you can get right into the characters mind...the fact that you use the first person makes it even better...on my watchlist...6 stars******
read SEASONS...

Read first few chapters, really fun, great characters, well written, love it!

Jo

I do say there are a few areas where I stumbled, where I felt the flow could improve, but the further I got in, the more flowing i found it. A story well worth reading. I felt a relationship to the MC, and could easily say you make her character shine through. I've made it only 5 chapters in, and sadly its 11:45 and i'm off to bed. Darn it gotta get one of the e-readers so i can curl up with a book.
All in all, well written and i can't wait to wake up tomorrow to keep reading.
Backed for a bit....it deserves to make it's way to the book store!

All my best
Wendy
"And When"

Hi

I loved this book and the biggest compliment I can give is that I want to know what happens next and I hope you will post more chapters.

Kim (Journey to the moon)

The first two chapters really need a brush-up. Grammatical errors and inconsistencies in tense almost made me stop reading. Boy, I am glad I kept going! I LOVE this book- the only problem is, now I can't stop reading. You really hit your stride in chapter three and that's where it hooked me. The premise is unique, the characters are believable, but above all, I enjoy your writing style. I am backing this book- it needs to be published.

As a size 16 girl, I feel I've experienced the feeling of being the chunky girl. I think this is beautiful. If only all boys could see you for WHO you are rather than what you look like.

Will carry on reading this and leave a longer comment soon.

Backed with pleasure

Bragitta Shay
"REGENESIS"
"THE PROPHECY"

Dear Tabatha,
I started reading this book a while ago and loved it and finished it (to where I can)
Firstly the book cover is so good and would certainly grab me in the book store. Your short pitch insisted I read, and your long pitch would not let me go without reading. so CONGRATS on that. Yes this book is quite humorous and your writing style is quick yest smooth. Very well crafted and though i have not finished I will carry on.
BACKED BY ME FOR SURE
I do hope you will review my book, comment and most of all BACK it. but either way the BEST of luck with yours
Denise
The Letter

Dear Tabatha, I have already backed your other book & will back this one, too. I love that your heroine started out with a journal entry - that tells all. :) I also love how you put me right there in the story, too, to feel what she is feeling. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my 2 memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

Superb writing that exudes talent! This is my kind of book as well - love the premise and so far I am enjoying the ride. I see you also have another book that I willcertainly check out after seeing how great this one was. I will return for more of this gem later but BACKED for now.

Liz
The Cheech Room

read the first chapter and enjoyed it, well written, backed

alison

interesting spin can't wait to see where you take this

All I have to say is that this was a delightful read. Backed.

Hi

I haven't comment on book for a week as I have too much on my plate but I think this one needs me to stop a bit. Not really needed but your book caught me and I lost track of time.

you have a good idea. the pitch draws me to read more. to be honest I wasn't too keen on the first paragraph. I seems as if it was a little girl's diary so I skip that part and tried further. and from the moment she snap thediary close I start to enjoy the story.

you have a entertaining book.
good luck

This is a fantastic read, I loved it. You have kept it all very real and funny, which definetly is my kind of book. It is definetly staying on my bookshelf, am proud to have it there. I wish you the best of luck. kind regards pinkcoffee :-) 'In The Moment'

Hi, I've added your book to my watchlist to read during short snippets of time... it looks like my kind of book! Good luck with it!
If you have time please take a look at my book 'In The Moment'.
Kind Regards pinkcoffee

I loved your novel, I have read all of what's posted already and backed it after reading only the first few chapters. The pitch made me immediately interested and the novel certainly did not disappoint. While some stories take a while to get into and enjoy, I liked this from the very beginning. I did notice a couple of small errors, but as this is unedited, I think it is very well written.
Best of luck,
Jamie-Lou, Playing Human

Hi Tabatha,

Love the characters and the alternate chapter structure - where's the rest? It feels as though something's got to give soon - his conscience, her mother, Renee, the bank manager - what's it going to be? Backed!

Rachel

This is a really interesting idea. As you continue editing, here are a few suggestions:

Don't overuse "actually". It's just an extra word that doesn't add anything.
You seem to go back and forth bewteen past and present tense.
You mention you love your car in the journal entry and then again in the main text, which seems a little repetitive.
"Small little" is redundant.
Use "who" or "whom" when referring to people, "that" when referring to things.

Regards,
Kevin Clark
(Will of God)

Hi Tabatha,
It's always difficult following a JD review because he tells you everything.

The diary is a clever device, though I would make it the first entry in a first ever diary because otherwise why would Lilly be repeating things she must have said before.

I thought the two voices were very distinct with Devin's 'voice' being less educated than Lilly.

Very enjoyable read, a pleasure to shelve

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

Tabatha,

Loved the title and cover, loved the short pitch, so here I am.

Okay, love the diary entry. Immediately establishes voice (somewhere between Clueless and Bridget Jones, I felt).

You have an endearing, but slightly ditzy, main character, and for me that's key to chic-lit. Coupled with your breazy style it's an easy read.

Chapter two, switch of viewpoint and a similar style, but enough difference in narrative to feel like a new character has taken over.

By the way, you have a typo a few paras in: 'costumers' for 'customers'.

So these two chapters set up the main characters and emphasise the contrasts.

Chapter three, just after Devin's release you have another typo: 'ss' for 'as'.

"My God you are a country bumpkin." not sure this needs a question mark, it appears to be a statement.

But this is off to a great start. Shelved.

Hi Tabatha,

The journal entry was a sparkling start to your first chapter - funny, endearing and, crucially, a person who is happy in themselves; there's some self-mockery but it's done for comic effect, and it makes us root for your narrator. When it moves into the action, I liked the lunchtime with mother - a person we can all relate to, who we love to bits but who nonetheless gets on our nerves! "A three-latte day", that made me smile too. Excellent stuff, and it seemed very well polished, too. Would look forward to see the central intrigue coming into play, too - my only thoughts on the narrative would be, maybe get a little hint of that in the opener?

Great work

Pat Black
Snarl

Love the premise and style! Needs a little editing but a fine fun read!
V
Hawaiian Orchid

Hi Tabatha,

Saw your book in my news feed the other day and the title caught my eye...I read the pitch and thought , I have so got to read that!

It's refreshingly funny, Lilly is likeable and I'm sure most women will find her very easy to relate to. God Spanex - they are so are God send! I just need to find a tub of Ben & Jerry's to devour along with this book - because I can't wait to see where this will go!

Backed with pleasure ;o)

Love Bev x

Love Overboard & Betryal

Spanx, huh? Is this a real thing, some secret that has remained hidden from American women? I LOVE what you have created here. I've only read the first chapter, but I've laughed my butt off at the comments. Your MC is so relatable, I can see women everywhere falling in love with her. Your writing is so easy to read and follow.

Can't wait to read more!

~Andrea (MARIPOSA)

Tabatha
I read your other book....I know 2nd books dont always get the attention they deserve, so am here to give you a boost and a bump.....This is just as refreshing....
A beach read in my view, and thats a good thing.

An interesting start, I like chatty books which go deeply into characters' thoughts and feelings instead of wham bam action scenes. Also sounds romantic and sweet and relevant to today with all the pressure on young girls to be stick thin otherwise no one will like or love them. I often wonder if men really like pencil girls, surely they'd rather have voluptuous goddesses? A book for a nice holiday somewhere, when I get the chance ;-)

My kinda book. In my duvet mountain, drinking wine and stuffing my face :P A couple of commas missing here and there, but nothing huge to be concerned about. Pace is good, characters fleshed out; I like it. Backed!

Your pitch got me interested and your writing kept me turning the electronic pages. Would much rather curl up in a chair with a big box of chocs to read it though! Good luck with it, happy to abck this, Maggie P.

I like that comment, "down to earth innocence," and will echo it. That is precisely my impression here. Your MC is appealing to anyone who ever felt constantly put down by media that adulated thinness. And of course she has a sense of humor, one of the attributes anyone needs if she is constantly attacked in small, dismissive ways that she's all too aware are happening.

Shelved with pleasure.
Bill

This book is so many women will relate to. A realistic heroine with independence and attitude, high-spirited, witty, an original twist to romance writing, a narrative voice is clear and concise, and storytelling which makes us all learn something that appearances aren't always what they seem to be. Both shelved and Today's Pick I Like for 1/11/10: http://newandgoodreading.blogspot.com/2010/01/todays-pick-i-like-11110.html

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

This book deserves to be at the top of the list. If it doesn't climb higher soon, something is very wrong here.

"My car has been with me through thick and thin, well, more like thick and thicker . . ." Something like that. Hilarious! As a Lane Bryant shopper myself, and a fan of Ben and Jerry's, I can relate. I love this protagonist and it helps that your writing style really smooth. Combined with the modern chubby girl humor, this book has WINNER written all of it. This book is so SHELVED.

C. Deanna Verhoff (The Wish Thief)

As you know I read this on Inkpop. This is a really good chicklit. A totally refreshing twist on the usual and a damn fine and funny read too. SO on my bookshelf.
Good luck with it.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

Hi Tabatha, I like Lilly, she has a great attitude, you can't help but admire the way she wants to stand on her own two feet despite her wealth. Now, if only she could stay away from the ice-cream. It sounds like she's in for a bumpy ride.
It's a good story, with enough of a twist to make it original. Well written too.
Paul.

You caught my attention with your pitch and kept it locked up for the entirety of chapter 1. I might not be ablet o identify with the rich girl part of the book but, damn it, the excess cargo part hit home and made this a story I could relate to and enjoy. Nice writing.

Shelved.

Janice (Blood of Eden)

I'm convinced on the pitch alone. I'll come back and read the book for detailed comments later. For now, I think this is a great idea for a romantic comedy. I'm backing it.

My novel is also a Rom Com. If you get a chance I'd love to get your comments.

El
Reckless Scarlett

Hi, Firstly, I liked the title and I liked the strong central character Lilly. The reader can easily relate to the story and your style of writing has a good flow and keeps the reader interested. I am backing because it kept me interested.
Mark
Another Day in Paradise

I love this. I was immediately drawn to your MC, her voice is great. I thought the bit about volcano fat and spanx was hilarious. I am going to read all of this. I am backing it and I wish you good luck with it.

Best Wishes

Anna

Naturally drawn to this story because of my love for a cute romance. Unforunately originality is one of the hardest things to achieve for love stories. If I were to predict the conclusion for this story it would be that Lilly finds out that Devin was bribed by her mother at one point to date her and shuns him for his choice. Of course, Devin will redeem himself with an explanation and a confessino of his sincere feelings for her and they will forgive each other and everything will be right again...

I would make sure you continue to emphasize Lilly's perceptions of her self-esteem/weight to keep your original premise intact. What makes your storyunique is that Lilly is overweight, and has the large bank account instead of the guy being the rich bread winner in the relationship.

One of my favorite lines was, "...only considered plus because there are two numbers in her size." Lines like this give credibility to your characters and help me to relate to their perceptions and challenges of being "thick".

In chapter 5 you describe Devin as having dark wavy hair and green eyes. This is just my opinion, but "green eyes" (especially when paired with red hair) is perhaps the most cliched thing on this site. I don't think I have read one story yet where one of the characters doesn't have green eyes. Devin also tends to speak with more of a dialect than Lilly. I think this fact should be more apparent sooner that this is intentional (since it occurs throughout all your writing for all your characters) or else it just appears to be bad grammar. Mentioning that he is "tall, dark, and handsome" sooner would be an easy indicator.

Lastly, Lilly's age seems much younger than 22/23 when she writes in her diary. I think journal writing is considered to be more of a teen type hobby than a young adult hobby as well.

Like the title, like the pitch and like that it is a romance story with a big girl in it. It's different. Good luck with this :)

I think this could appeal to the market it would be targeted towards. The voice is clear and concise. I think that she sounds younger than 22. Perhaps because she is young and nieve, or maybe because I find her self indulgent and I am unable to sympathize with her. It probably has something to do with the fact that when I was 22 I was living on my own, paying my own bills and running to money mart to get advances on my pay checks so I could get some food.
I can't identify with the MC even though I myself know what it is like to be on the plus side of things. To me her voice is too nieve. Maybe I am jaded. I wouldn't trust the tall dark handsome stranger. But that is just me.
What I did like is that it is easy to slip into the writing.
I think the dialogue is written well.
I do not like chick lit under normal circumstances but I do think the people who would buy this genre would like this.
Backed for that fact.d
T.LTyson-Seeking Eleanor

On the Plus Side

Hi Tabatha,

I've read magic so I thought I'd have a look at this, different and displays well your versatility as a writer. The pitch is excellent as it frames the story so beautifully and the characters voices plunge us straight into the story. Lilly is not exactly a sympathetic character, rich and self-indulgent, feeling a bit sorry for herself, but she becomes a sympathetic character as the story unfolds and it is clear that she is being taken for a ride. She is a fascinating character and I enjoyed this story very much and it earns, as did Magic before it, a space on my shelf. Good writing.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

This a interesting story so far.