Fortress of Ephemera

Hi there,

I stumbled across your novel after reading some of your posts in the forum and thought I would check out your first chapter. I wasn't disappointed. This was excellent - really enjoyable and intriguing -t the kind of novel I would buy. I've made a few notes which I hope you find helpful.

Firstly, I found the 'source of his music' confusing.

Your similes/metaphors about 'maiden's blush' and 'whore's innocence' aren't quite working for me

The three paragraphs 'The truth...' 'Why you may ask...' and 'Surely I reasoned...' seem a bit unnecessary. I'd already worked out that there was a mystery about Langley and I was looking forward to working it out myself.

I love that idea of someone collecting the intangible, pretty thoughts etc.

A brilliant first chapter. You have established the characters well - especially Noah's, built up conflict and hinted at the madness, despair and intrigue to follow. Well done.

Susanna
'The Missing Heiress'

Wretch, Eric, leaving us at such a point! This is a brilliant pastiche of... is it a melange of Dickens and H G Wells? You have caught the flavour of post WW1 extravagance of ideas and uncertainty of civil survival perfectly. I applaud your wide range of vocabulary and the many references to contemporary science and the conflicting political ideas colliding so wildly at that time. I shall star highly and shelve soon.

But I suggest you look again at your pitch. When I read it I was looking for something of inferior quality to kick off my watchlist which I had overfilled. Was I ever so wrong - but the pitch nearly made me not bother.

Margaret Woodward : The Devil's Bairn

Very readable and an intriguing plot. Well written, and so I gave it one of the rare desk places. It reminds me of the recent famous novel supposedly about Freud. Similar style, even allowing for the historic voice.

Backed
JRM
A FEAST OF TALES and
GOOD FOR HIM

Backed Fortress of Ephenera. I really liked the chapters you uploaded. This is different than anything I have read on Authonomy. Good job. Your book was recommended by CC Brown author of Dark Side. Read, liked, star rated, and backed. Hope you will find a place on your shelf for their book.
Kat51

Sensing from the profile a high literary standard, and with good motive, I set upon your book with the aim of finding some helpful crit to offer. And, of course, with expectation of enjoyment. I only encountered the latter. The voice from such a character's mind is consistently well done with many well-paced turns of phrase (vomit across the page--I hope I got the wording right, the description of the neighborhood). And good for you: not to shy away from the PC issue when describing this as it truly works with this character's POV. Six stars for now. Thank you for uploading this for us. I hope to attain such a standard as this someday.
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

I must say it's refreshing to read such a well-composed narrative. Authentic, appropriate word-choice for an early twentieth-century time period. Even your punctuation style is spot on for this kind of story. I can see you're a Dickens fan. The prose is self-indulgent, and the introduction promises crazy things to come. Watchlisted.

Well-crafted narrative, like Grisham on acid! Nicely done!

Nively and evocatively written.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

This is delightful! The voice is perfect for the story...a smoothly written period thriller. It's great fun!
My only complaint is that there isn't enough of it here. I'd love to read it all. Have you completed the book?

I see that you've given up 'playing the game'. It speaks badly of the authors on this site that you're book receives no credit (nor will it) for it's excellence alone. If you don't 'back' others, you won't be read - however superior your book might be.

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From the Beginning)

It's refreshing to read in a voice that is older and more formal. I like your character's and Noah's view of the world around him. Good luck.

Dear Eric --

We suspect that not everyone will be comfortable with the formality of the language in Fortress of Ephemera, but we loved it. Though Miles' character cannot speak aloud, his voice comes through clearly in the narrative, at times piqued by this "black art" of psychoanalytical therapy, at others bewildered by his situation. We dipped into several chapters to see if you could sustain his powerful presence, and from everything we read, we believe you have. Coupled with your beautiful imagery that so evoked NYC in another time, we feel compelled to read on and hope that you upload more.

One question/opinion: we love that you used Ephemera in the title... but for us, Fortress of Ephemera made us think this would be a fantasy novel. Just thought we should mention it.

Backed, of course. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

It is always difficult to write an accurate but entertaining historical piece but you have done so. Your highly descriptive writing style makes this finely crafted novel a pleasure to read. I liked the first person narrative as well. Your work is well paced, well written and your use of imagery is excellent. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Sparkling literary talent!
The best 've seen for some time.

backed for sure

This is beautifully written. The imagery alone is vivid, and the level of details is supportive without being overwhelming while the characters provide the perfect human touches to a compelling plot.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

I found this very enjoyable, theres something about miles that you cant help liking, well done, backed

alison

Is anything scarier than a story that takes place in an insane asylum? You've made Miles a sympathetic character as he narrates his story. The combination of dialogue and description is well balanced and makes this flow well. It's a good read. I'm adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Thanks for posting this, Eric. Although the pitch is intriguing, I certainly would like more information in the longer pitch. Your story certainly intrigues, but I'd like more of a hook into reading. That aside, I thoroughly enjoyed the first three chapters I read. I liked your use of first person narrative and unlike another review, saw no problem with a number of the paragraphs starting with 'I'. Your dialogue is sharp and supports your narrative well. happy to back this. Carl. The Time Hunters.

"to vomit my soul across these pages" Eric, either you have it or you don't. You definitely have talent, my friend. Nothing to nitpick in that first chapter.

Sincerely backed.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I think you should try for a more gripping opening sentence.
what does "Robbed by an injury of my ability to speak" mean. the ability to speak is an injury of which he was robbed? A lot of waste words in the opening paragraph.For some reason it stood out to me that you r first four paragraphs all start with I. also an excessive use of the word "that"
In your opening scene everything is telling. I don't care about anything being said either. What is the hook? why should I care about this character?
Maybe this style just isn't my thing. It reads like a history book that is maybe trying to be literary fiction and thinking that literary fictions means using excess words like "moreover" and "thus"
okay i just checked what you had this listed under, and it apprears that yes, you were attempting to make it sound literary. using waste words is not the way to acheive a literary feel though.
This chapter was really boring for me and I felt like nothing happened. I was really expecting more from you, and I'm a bit disappointed. This was all telling and nothing interesting happened. I have no sense of the plot going anywhere. More so, normally I can overlook something as just not my thing if the writing is strong, but this still needs a lot of work. I suggest a rewrite witha fresh approach that might be more engaging and interesting for the reader.
xBeccaX
The First Phoenix

Eric:

The research behind, Fortress of Ephemera is clearly visible. I was drawn into the moment and could easily visualize the turn of the century world surrounding me. Your pitch is perfect, leaving the reader curious and wanting to know more. If they follow through, they will not be disappointed.

Backed with the best of luck,
Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

The end came way too fast! I am really intrigued to read more! I LOVE old crumbling houses, especially if they have a rumor of a haunt to them. I didn't know what to expect with this but I got sucked right in. I am really enjoying reading this. You write very well and you set the mysterious undertones to the story wonderfully. I am very interested in reading the rest of the story! Good job with this, it's a masterpiece in my opinion.

Missy

Enjoyable read. Approriate tone throughout. Still reading and enjoying. Happey to back.
Bill Hackett/THE SCRIBE

I've noticed you don't leave comments, so I'm backing your book in hope of a reciprocal.


Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

I've only read up to Chapter 2 at this point, but the authentic-sounding writing is definitely a draw. It reminds me of Lovecraft, but without the froth.

I will back this book.

A great story, well paced - strong characters and crisp dialogue. Lovely work.

Backed

Kev

One test for me as to how well a book works is whether or not I can hear and smell what’s being described. There’s a chiming note of authenticity about the world you’ve created immediately. A clever choice of detail with which to bring it to life. A sense of objects as well as characters participating in the narrative thrust of the story. The well-mannered, unflappable tone is very cleverly chosen for a tale of the supernatural. No trace anywhere of overwriting. A big thumbs up from me.

Chapter 7 - good old fashioned entertainment. Great stuff. Characters, setting, dialogue - all spot on. Shame there is not more posted, I was getting in to this! Jim D Serpent's Blood

This reminds me a lot of William Hope Hodgson's 'House on the Borderland'. You have managed to capture the style of the time and modernise it without loss - shelved.

This is a classic tale of horror at the narrative level. 'If you are reading this journal please destroy it at the end.' Love it. At least your narrator is also in the present, complaining about the doctor attending him reading the text. I am enamoured (seems to be the right word) of your descriptions, sir. They take me to the place and time.

Nothing I can help you with on this one. Good luck with it

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

I found this dark and brooding and very readable.

I like this book and it read it completely with pleasure till to the end. The narration is good.
Backed.
Wishes.
S. Vinay kumar

Brilliant! loved the story, loved the tone and the rich evocative writing, the darkness of the subject and the telling.
Loved it.
Paul.

What a great ending to chapter two.

This really works. The voice of the MC and the fact that you show us everything is fantastic.

I really wish I had time to read more, but after it's had a run on my bookshelf I'll keep you on my watchlist so I can pop back and read.

Cheers

Lorrii

Gush gush.....Great read..fantastic story.well written and right up my street. I liked it.
Wishing you every success with your latest novel.
Dawn ; ARK

Strong voice...this is good...

Eric

This is fabulous.....It reminded me a little of the Flashman novels.....A real 'period' read.....I felt so grounded and totally part of the time frame....You describe it so well...
whisker less youth
un waxed mustache......
Langley brownstone......(although you did use the word brownstone twice in a couple of lines).....
This all added to conjure great imagery.....

Having followed (in) my father's footsteps..........saw no need for (in).

A brilliant read, I enjoyed it. All very stiff upper lip.....

Way to go !
Shelved.

I love the voice in this fine piece of work! Catchy from the very beginning! Shelved with pleasure!

Cheers and happy writing,
Brittany
My Last Notes

As always, these are just my personal reactions and comments and may be worth nothing at all.
Interesting and unusual style of writing, suited to the era of the story. The first chapter passed very quickly and I wanted to read on. btw .. I like the book cover. Suitably weird.
Heh, I like this. It’s on my shelf.

The pitches are brief and to the point, although perhaps a little more information could be added? A great gothic cover and a wonderful title are a good start, but I just have a hankering for a more informative pitch.
There's a good structure in place with hooks to ensure the reader's attention and you write well. It's far from the normal thriller concept, but there's a good story here once the plot structure settles down. I like the period touches and the character of Miles has great potential to develop along with the story.
Backed.
Jared.

'New fangled black art...' - great tone setter. Hi, Eric. I could have sworn I'd already read this but obviously I haven't. Well, have now. And I like it a bunch. Pitch is short and sweet but I think pitches that are longer appear to be a little more of a draw. A very fine book in my opinion. Very well written. Only read 4 chapters but I think this will do well. Can't be sure where the story will go but there's no doubt your writing will carry it well. Good hooks at the end of chapters. Of course I'm gonna back it. On my shelf with pleasure and the best of luck with it.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

Your voice perfectly captures the period you are writing about. That instantly makes this tale believable. And what a great hook, he is in an aslyum and recounting how the got there.
And he tells it convincingly. He can't remember exact days. He worries over what is the proper point to start his tale. Immediately I am interested in this character.
Your pitch does not give much away so I have no idea where this is headed. Clearly Mile's relationship with the odd Noah is going to be key. I would sort of like a bit more idea of within these seven chapters - as he is telling it from the future a few dropped clues as to the events would really help draw the reader in even more.

An enticing bit to start with it being an ms meant to be destroyed.
What a world you've described...I'm loving this.
"The sagging front stoop was a loose bottom lip" - v nice!
Some great name choices as well. Miss Pimm
Not sure why I'm so attracted to the vision of a house stuffed with all those items.
I'd particularly like to see that children's day nursery.
Wonderful work.
-=Bradley

Chapter 2

You, sir, are a storyteller. I am in love with the 'voice' of this novel, more than anything. It's irreverent but intelligent. Excellent.

Cheers

John

For such a dark and brooding tale this is a surprisingly enjoyable read.
You have some nice turns of phrases I particularly enjoyed how you described the underfed, mangy cats encircling Noah, and brushing their bodies against his trouser leg...all this a moment of tension within the plot.
Happy to read and happy to back.
David - Bailey of the Saints

You have a unique voice and a very literary style. I will happily back you for a time.
Jeanne (Dark Angel)

Chapter 1

Just swinging around sampling stuff and was impressed by your writing. The patrician tone of the narrative fits well with the era you present, wonderful descriptions.

Cheers

JOhn

This is extremely well written and captures the period perfectly. I also thought it was well structured, making for an engaging read. This deserves to do well both on and off of this site. Backed. Clare (Second Lives)

Eric,

I found this via Andrew W's list of new favourites.

The pitch is somewhat minimalist . . . I'd look for something catchy in the short version and make sure that the long version:

--introduces the main character;
--alludes to the setting (time and place, covered in your short pitch at the moment;
--refers to any other major characters, especially in they have viewpoints sections in the work;
--outlines the inciting incident;
--gives obstacles faced by the main character after the inciting incident (a rule of three can be helpful here); and
--either alludes to the resolution or at least states the story question.

Your pitches are both your chance to sell your work here and a chance to rehearse the words you might one day use to pitch to agents and editors. It's worth working on this, it really is.

Moving onto the work proper, here I start by looking closely at the opening fourteen lines--roughly the first page and asking myself, would I read on. Fourteen lines of your work gives me all of the text up to the first section break (perhaps a couple of lines more, but I suspect the break would push them over the page).

It's a striking opening. There are wonderful word choices (goading and vomit were perfect), great period details (the newness of Freudian therapy, opium pipes) and striking images: when entrusted again with the simple pleasure of striking my own match.

Quibbles? Perhaps one. Scrivener, strikes me as a word from a time longer ago than 1919, though I stand willing to be corrected on this.

The extended metaphor of the house as a manic visage is very well done and that scene ends well, leaving me wanting more.

And then you reverse, restarting the story in another place. A clever trick. At chapters end the two tellings have converged and I'm ready for more.

This is very well constructed and easy to read.

The narrative foreshadowing throughout the text is very effective and I've quickly reached chapter three.

And here we return to the Langley house and now it is 'pockmarked' continuing the metaphor of the house as a face.

And this chapter has another excellent ending.


Well I've read four chapters and have nothing to offer by way of constructive criticism. So I shall simply shelve this now.

I’ve just read all of this – which I don’t often do here – and would, if I could, be reading on. This is a dark and delicious yarn. The tension of this tale is elegantly, teasingly, worked. I need to know what happens inside the mansion. The narration has a mischievous charm and fabulous period vocabulary. I like the busyness of the description too – the crammed in details give it a rich, cluttered vibrancy. I would buy this.

good rythm to your writing, which opens up what promises to be a fine story. Characters are lifelike in precisely deescribed world, and their is a tighteness to your prose that i find enviable. Good luck with this. A worthy read and one that did not disappoint.

BACKED

This is a fascinating premise and you're pulling it off fairly well. There's something strongly, but quietly spooky about this which I find almost addictive. Definitely enjoyed what I read and happy to have this on my shelf.

Jonathan
MARTUK ... THE HOLY