Where Truth Lies

Wow. I read the first chapter, then moved to the last ... gotta say ... didn't expect that!! Brava to you! And there's another twist to come? Excellent!
This is a beautifully done work of Literary Fiction, but where many of those can be staid, slow, overly pensive, you have moved the story through love, crises, physical danger and back to a completely different love ...
I didn't expect all of this, and I'm so pleased you decided to share it on here.
backed
Genevieve
Under the Same Sky

What I love about this is the deep characterization--the slow build that puts layer over layer as the characters emerge and the plot begins to turn from one to another. There's mystery here too, like something simmering on the back burner waiting to be brought forth. This is very well done literary fiction. Happy to back. -Barb

Good title and outstanding pitches, very strong start. I've read the first three chapters and the last three, not the best way to follow the story-line in all fairness, but certainly an excellent way to make a judgement on the quality of the writing. I was very impressed by the absence of errors or awkward passages - this book has all the signs of meticulous editing.
Even the Yorkshire dialect at the end of chapter 9 is convincing, with the possible exception of the words beginning t'
and that's a personal observation. I agree that the "correct" sound, ie the omission of any shortened version of "the" will be difficult to replicate in dialogue.
This is outstanding writing.
Backed.
Jared.

As I said in a message, excellent title, and the story itself lives up to the that, and the fine pitch. The portrayal of the relationships that you've weaved, between Julia, Carole and Neil, is absolute quality. I'd like to come up with something more constructive than that, but I haven't been able to - the sign of a really good book. Backed.
Cheers,
Simon

There’s a likeable economy to your style. Your sentences are almost blunt, at times – almost like stage directions - but I find that restraint appealing (I am incapable of it myself, so admire it in others). The dialogue is convincing and conveys character. I rather enjoyed the prickling irritability of that first conversation. There’s a control to this writing which I like very much. I would read on.

I've noticed you don't comment much anymore. So I fear it would be a waste of time to do more than back your book and ask for a reciprocal. But I may have done so already.


Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Tacitus, chapter one has a good mix of narrative and dialogue. Nothing to nitpick there.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey

I read chapter 9 -your ch 26.

The car chase was good and the crash well orchestrated. I could see she was in a dilemma wanting to stop her mother but now with her mother injured in the upturned car and possible dead. I liked the use of a different accent.

This is well written and flows well. I did not notice any nits. I will back your book with pleasure.

Tony
Life Bringer

I smiled when I read she had to get up and answer the phone. I spend my whole time doing it and is never for me. This is well written with a good pace. I liked Julia and found her pleasant and open, why she chose a man with such baggage, I don’t know. He sounds quite miserable. I enjoyed reading your book and I will back it.

Adrian
Jack and Boots.

Hi Tacitus. Where Truth Lies. (I am commenting having read Chs 1-4 and Ch 10 as per autho's uploaded sequence). The presentation here of several early chapters juxtaposed with a mix of later chapters makes it a little difficult to follow the entire narrative arc (as it pompously gets called!!)...but as per your request I've had a look at the early chapters followed by the last one posted. The superficially languid pace of the early chapters belies a very well crafted intro to the story that sets the scene/develops the characters in considerable detail. This is underpinned by an almost Gothic sense of threat. Ch 10 is very effective and sensitively written...and I think any concerns you may have felt about it are misplaced. I would like some sense of the intervening storyline before that point is reached....but happy to back on the extracts I have seen. Cheers Simon (Little Bastard)

Hi T. Per your request I've sampled some of the opening chapters and then the last. I must say, I forgot what I read in the beginning paragraphs (kidn' ;0) You've handled the love scene very well. It didn't need exorbitant amounts of description which would have diluted it. One thing I would watch is the speech tags, She said, she said....etc. You don't need half of them. Shelved and best of luck with this! JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

Your notes made me curious to read chapter 24, I thought I might be able to be helpful! Unfortunately not, but I must say this is beautifully and delicately written. I thought it was brilliant, also moving. With a sample of writing of this quality I am delighted to back this book.
BADD

Tacitus, you portray tension and even threat in a subtle way, with dialogue that is incredibly natural. You make us understand and feel for the difficuties of Julia's life, which in other hands could be cliched and run of the mill. You talk of Carole's flawed grasp of reality: there's nothing flawed about yours. Shelved. Lynn

What a wonderful voice! This must be published. I would definitely buy it in a bookstore or check it out froma public library. Backed with pleasure.

Read the first and last chapters.

I know you wanted comments on the climax (pun intended), but even though I loved it, I can't speak much about it, as I've got little experience in that department, nor have I been fortunate enough to be a witness. Quite lovely in any case.

What's even lovelier, I think, is your use of personification, especially in the beginning. Drew me right in.

Not to mention the mention of a funeral at the beginning of Chapter 10.

-Terry

This is really well written. It is true, you do understand about women. In the beginning there was this ominous quality. Knowing from the tags that there was some lady loving still I was surprised to see with whom. I have two words that I think need to be reconsidered or changed. The first is in the pitch. You say "young girl" above but then call the same person a "woman" in the next part. Generally any female over 18 is a woman. The second is in the last section when they are getting undressed. You say "they undressed unselfconsciously and then climbed into bed." Unselfconsciously....could they not just get into bed? This is very, very nice. Backed.

Kizgikate
The Sea Within

Wow. I read the first chapter, then moved to the last ... gotta say ... didn't expect that!! Brava to you! And there's another twist to come? Excellent!
This is a beautifully done work of Literary Fiction, but where many of those can be staid, slow, overly pensive, you have moved the story through love, crises, physical danger and back to a completely different love ...
I didn't expect all of this, and I'm so pleased you decided to share it on here.
backed
Genevieve
Under the Same Sky

Hi there - a very measured, painstakingly-created introduction to your story. The dialogue between the man and his new wife spoke of underlying tensions; there was something about the way she decided to "defer" to him to avoid an argument; I wondered if there was more than just common sense in that. And the meeting of stepmother-and-daughter was warm, a meeting of two kind hearts. And I laughed at, "You haven't changed - except for the boobs!" And the "-mony" joke was a good one too. Excellent start

Pat Black
Snarl

Hi T, I read the last chapter as you suggested for whether the scene worked. I've written a few sex scenes in my time - check out my own in my book - and although I found it somehow old-fashioned in some ways, there was a kind of gentleness and subtlety about it which suited the atmosphere. Almost a male writer's reluctance to involve himself emotionally. Perhaps that's why I didn't feel very connected to either character (but then I haven't read any of the rest of the book) as if they didn't really have any feelings but engaged in a sexual act, and there seemed only a passing sense of Carole's POV. But then again, it may be the style is consistent with the rest of the book. I wasn't too keen on the clitoral squirming beast, but then again, everyone to his own!! Backed because I think you have the chance to get up the charts with this. All the best, Sarah (A Midsummer Night's Secret)

"All her talent and schooling wasted." That's about the same line my wife uses in reference to our daughter. Our two sons both have full-time jobs, but our daughter is pleased to work part-time and seems to be happy to do very little. Oh well. A lady's companion does sound very much like 1876.

A father that play acts with his daughter. I guess I'm a similar father with all of my children. All in all, I enjoy your writing very much. You have an excellent sense of timing, a fantastic ear for dialogue, and your descriptive abilities are superb. When I have a little more time, I'm coming back to read more. Shelved with pleasure.

There is an immediacy and an intimacy to your writing which i find very appealing.
Even though you say that you were brought up in the company of women I always find it brave for any writer to tackle a story from the opposite sex's POV. You have managed it in a totally believable way. It's far from my normal reads and therefore it's perhaps even greater sign that i found your writing enjoyable.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

Your characterisation kept me aboard while the storyline unfolded. First the flatness or coldness between step-mother and father are very well teased out. Neil and Julia are beautifully drawn as they try to relate until we see Carole illuminated by her reactions to Neil.
It's impossible not to read on to find out who is manipulating who; whether Julia is just paranoid or Carole is manipulative or the whole orchestrated by Neil.
All this, combined with variety of setting and storyline which may touch our own lives, directly or in extended family, are very engaging and single this book out as having something serious to say as well as letting us share in the emotions that pull us together and apart. Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

BACKED

I get very little from comments about my own book, nowadays. Some people like it, some don't. Some people are too frightened to leave genuine feedback, while others seek to enforce their own style upon me. I want to get to the Ed's Desk to get professional comment. I would rather spend 30 quid than do all this reading and backing. I have got everything I want out of Authonomy community already. So I am backing your book so that you can reach the Ed's desk and get professional feedback, instead of the platitudes and devious backings that account for 80% of backing you receive. Only 20% of comments are genuine, and will add value to your work.

Now, who am I not to back you? I am not godlike. Your work might be flatly written, unoriginal or even down right bad. It could be wonderful. But in my experience, only you can be honest with yourself about your writing... and that is what matters.

So, I am backing you so you can reach the Ed's desk.


There you are.

BACKED
Hope you reciprocate.

Fantastic characterisation and it's nice to see a male writer tackle some well rounded females. Enjoyed this. Backed.

What I love about this is the deep characterization--the slow build that puts layer over layer as the characters emerge and the plot begins to turn from one to another. There's mystery here too, like something simmering on the back burner waiting to be brought forth. This is very well done literary fiction. Happy to back. -Barb

Hello Tacitus, This is excellent writing and my kind of story right from the start. As a step-mother, Julia is not wicked at all: I am a fan of hers already. This is the kind of story that I love to curl up with and if it was published I would certainly buy it. I haven't the time to finish what you have uploaded, but I certainly intend to do so, but in the meantime, I am putting it on my SHELF. Good luck and success with this, it deserves it.

Phyllis
A Passing Storm (In the same genre as yours - so perhaps you might like it)

Hello Tacitus, what a great piece of work. Families really are a minefield, aren't they? i read the first six chapters and, initially, I thought Julia was the classic stepmother, embittered by the threat of her stepdaughter coming into her marriage but she was already unhappy. She needs help. Neil is so self-obsessed and arrogant but Carole's appearance gives him a chance to be 'more human'. I think Neil blows it because he's shunning his poor wife. I feel sorry for Carole, she's only doing what she feels she needs to do (and with a mother like Antonia who can blame her?).
Your story pulls me in and gives me a lot of pleasure observing the dynamics of family life. BACKED! Can you read mine? It's even got a bit of Stalingrad in it! Cheers, Chris1

I can see where the attraction sits with your work and it is vey well written - I'm more of an 'action' junkie so it would not be one I would buy - having said that, I enjoyed your book(the parts that I read). well done

Backed

Kev

This is a very engrossing book. Although there are large chunks of 'memories' they do add to the story, although perhaps slow the plot down. However, I feel that they are necessary and are so very well written, actually, the writing is of a very high quality. Tania, This Last Summer

Tacitus! I know I have read this as I recognize it now. Lovely work -- really vivid and absorbing. Your characters have depth and dimensionality. The story flows and is easy to read. I can't remember if I backed it before so I am doing so again and, I assume, HC has provided for such small irregularities in their site design. I also can't remember if you have looked at The Shouting Tree (my own work). If you have, thank you! If you feel it is spiritually nourishing, please direct others there whenever you feel so led. Loving regards! Callaghan

My sister had a friend called Carole in the 70's, so that rings true immediately bc it gave me a complete sense of time - might sound a bit silly, I guess, but it's these small details that are so important. I have looked at this before, but didn't comment as I was so busy writing. Carole is well-drawn, convincing, and I want to follow the story. For me, this is well-written, it sort of pulled me along. I must have an atmosphere when I'm reading, to feel part of what's going on, as if I'm there, and you did this for me. I am going to read on. Shelved. Good luck with it.
Bests,
AP
(Matty McDuff)

Hi,

This is so far from my normal genre i cant' even tell you the distance! but i was pulled in and held captive by your visual ray gun. Thanks for that x G

This is an interesting story,

I found a grove and enjoyed the story.

I can tell a lot of work went into your manuscript and you should be very proud.

I wish you the very best

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Where Truth Lies...

I see a talented writer here so I'll be picky--and perhaps wrong, but I'm told that I'm often right so I hope I'll give you some things to think about.

First, although at least one other person liked your opening, I felt that you used telegraphing. While it's true that even Ken Follett has used it from time to time, telling the reader that something important and life-changing is going to happen is telegraphing rather than showing the reader as it happens. It's a type of author intrusion. If you want your reader to experience the story, i.e., get lost in it, you avoid author intrusion wherever possible.

Next, there's the issue of how you introduce your backstory. I've been told to avoid flashbacks wherever possible--they leak energy from your story. It's far better to weave little bits of your backstory into the actual story. If I'm right about this (and I was rejected once for this reason, so I'm gun-shy about flashbacks), I think an agent would reject, too. If an agent finds a potential structural problem in your partial, s/he isn't likely to ask for a full.

A really good book on structure is Jack W. Bickham's Scene and Structure. There's another one, Scene and Sequel, I think, which is part of the Writer's Digest series--I found that one very helpful, too.

I'm giving this time on my shelf to encourage you to keep on writing because you have the makings of a good story here.

Almost forgot to mention that I think you have a talent for dialogue and metaphor--as for the latter, do be careful. I'm the goddess of metaphor, but after reading Noah Lukeman's The First Five Pages, where he advises on no more than one every two pages, I cut a lot of mine.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,
Sheryl
P.S. Read Knock'n on Wood

Where Truth Lies...

Commenting on your pitches, first, in a stream of consciousness way--the short/elevator pitch wouldn't catch an agent's interest if you only had two sentences to describe your novel, IMHO. Doesn't reveal the genre or enough to make us care about your MC and her predicament. Also, watch out for questions--most agents don't like them, e.g., how can she drive the girl away? That kind of question might tempt the agent to answer with something like Who cares? Or, I can think of lots of ways.

In the longer pitch, I think you tell too much, rather than show (e.g., the plot shifts, the last paragraph.) Plus, more questions, plus a conflict between your short pitch and long pitch (in the short one, Julia seems to be the MC, whereas in the longer pitch, it's Carole.

I'm being picky/critical because agents sometimes cruise this site--you want to grab their interest.

Reading on....

I read the first four chapters and then chapter nine (26). This is seriously good stuff. An engrossing story with believable characters. Carole is great character. I would love to read this in its entirety and hope you get it published soon. I can only praise it. On my shelf. Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

John from your great opening paragraph, which immediately grabbed me, you go on to weave a convincing story of human frailty, emotion and manipulation. It's on my shelf.
Jen (Play or Die)

I'm backing this because although it's not the kind of story I would normally read, by the end of chapter 2 I was definitely interested and having ideas about where the story and the characters were heading.
Although the story is told largely (so far) from Julia's point of view, she came across as being insecure and a bit paranoid and the problems with her and Neil's relationship did seem to be developing in her mind more than in reality. But I wasn't sure. I'd have liked to have had time to read on and see if I was wrong. The idea of the husband's daughter being the source of jealousy ("more a seductress than a daughter") was an interesting and original one.
The only advice I can offer is to maybe show the reader a bit more and tell the reader a bit less. For example "...he countered her coldness with the indifference he used to protect himself." - Could there be a short scene in which Julia tries to show her husband how she feels and he rebuffs her? To let the readers see for themselves how Neil and Julia's relationship stands.
Likewise, the scene in which Carole and Neil are being noisy in the study over a reacreation of Stalingrad promised to be interesting and could have been used for character and story development, were it to be fleshed out with more details and a bit of dialogue rather than just narration.
Having said that though, you got me interested in a story that wouldn't usually interest me, so well done - you're clearly a writer of considerable skill.

Hi Tacitus. You have a wonderful short and long pitch. Combined together, they will grab the attention of potential readers, as well as agents and an ultimate publisher. These are well done! :-)

Your title is excellent - a perfect marketing title with its short phrasing and strong wording. It alludes to a story of mystery, making a reader want to read your book based on the title alone.

Your intro is great. I noticed parts of it though that can be further refined for maximum impact; these same refinements can be made throughout your manuscript. Over the course of 32 chapters, I expect that your book will become significantly stronger than it already is, and hence it will be that much more enticing for an agent / publisher to want to work with it to bring it to market and sell it to the masses. Consider in place of "The call that was to change Julia's life came late on a cold Thursday in February, as she sat cross-legged on the hearthrug, reading":

The call that would change Julia's life came on a cold February's Thursday, as she sat reading on the rug.

Then for the follow-up intro line, in place of "It was not the start of the transformation - that had begun, unnoticed, months before - but from this moment there would be no turning back", consider:

The transformation that begun months before now reached the point of no return.

I apologize for not reading and commenting on your great book sooner, for I felt slightly presumptious to offer this feedback to you, a wisened, experienced writer, whereas I am just a 20-something Chinese-Canadian writing a fantasy story series filled with dragons and pieces of gold.

You've written a great story book that clearly shows your respect for girls and women, and for the art of writing in general. I am proudly backing it, and I salute you Sir! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

Beautifully put together. Really nice. Backed.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

I have to admit that, because I was led to your book by your "name" and background as a classics teacher, that I was hoping for something classically based, and not yet another thriller. BUT, once I started reading, I was glad I found the book. The writing is excellent, especially the dialogue (which you're not afraid to use copiously, pulling me into the story). And what's more classic than the fallout from a relationship gone bad? This is one thriller that deserves more time and more readers.

You had me with that opening paragraph.

I'm a horror writer, and most people are surprised that I read a lot of literary fiction and thrillers. I read them because I prefer keeping the elements of horror in my works grounded. It's stories like yours that help me do that, providing a continuous flow of inspiration because the interactions you portray are so true to life. I'm three chapters in and haven't lost momentum.

Good luck with this, Tacitus.

Jeff Sinclair
No Heaven

Tacitus, this is really well put together. Your voice is clear and vivid. Well done!

Loving regards, Callaghan

Excellent opening, foreshadowed by both the past and the future, instantly engaging the mind. Neil's quite the wisecracker, but I warm more to Julia, and wonder what went wrong after her initial meeting with Carole, which means I have to read more. If Neil is rejected, he rejects everything connected, wife and daughter together. But having taken the daughter back, is his next rejection going to be the second wife and daughter? Is this one of the fears that drives Julia's jealousy? Mrs Adams has now become my favourite character, and when she interviews Carole, my first impression is confirmed.

The psychology and dynamics of these characters are very cleverly observed. And I suspect you will unpick the tangles throughout the novel until we can understand what drives such people to harm one another, and hopefully find some resolution. The writing is eminently suited to the story, and highly polished. I shall be pleased to have this on my shelf.

(Possible nits: Be careful, in places like the top of 4, not to get the points of view mixed up so that we don't know who 'her' and 'she' is referring to. 'drawn like a moth to a candle' your writing is too good to need such a cliché.)

Through 2 chs this is skillfully written prose. Julia should have seen the kind of man Neil was when he was so eager to consider his own child an inconvenience of the past, but love is blind or so it is said.
My only suggestion would be to take care in not overwriting some of the dialogue.
I can't see anyone using words like prevaricating or anachronostic, in conversation.
Backed.
MickR - The nightcrawler

Impressive writing! Love the title, the pitch, the story the location! Backed.

Impressive writing! Love the title, the pitch, the story the location! Backed.

Good title and outstanding pitches, very strong start. I've read the first three chapters and the last three, not the best way to follow the story-line in all fairness, but certainly an excellent way to make a judgement on the quality of the writing. I was very impressed by the absence of errors or awkward passages - this book has all the signs of meticulous editing.
Even the Yorkshire dialect at the end of chapter 9 is convincing, with the possible exception of the words beginning t'
and that's a personal observation. I agree that the "correct" sound, ie the omission of any shortened version of "the" will be difficult to replicate in dialogue.
This is outstanding writing.
Backed.
Jared.

i'm shelving this because there is much to like and i believe that with more work your book could be a catch. i'm guessing though that you are quite attached to what you've written and that is preventing you from editing with a ruthless pen.

as hemingway said, your book would be more bloody brilliant if you took out the bloody brilliant bits. at present it is too self-regarding for the reader to relax.
xx
m

Dear Tacitus, What a tangled web you weave.I think perhaps if I lived next door to some of these characters I would consider moving. You have the makings here of a very good book, I kept wondering who is going to kill whomj, Best of luck with this. If you have time, pleas give Summer Rose a look, I would appreciate it and will back your novel. KC Hart-Summer Rose.

Tacitus, I read C-1 and found it an excellent depiction of a jangled family relationship. Only one nit. There are a few sentences, including the very first one in the book, that are way too long. I'd divide them into two or three shorter ones. Best of luck. Backed. Thomas J Winton (Beyond Nostalgia)

Hi Tacitus, This feels fermented in the worry of relationship and with reason. In Julia's POV, she has a creeping sense of another side to Neil and her manipulating with Carole is done up with caution. Neil's lack of enthusiasm and then the descriptions of his being with Carole made me feel what Julia must have - surprise at their common interest. I liked the lavish conversation scenes, Julia treading carefully and then Mrs. Adams' having such a sharp comprehension.
It's difficult when writing with so many pronouns. In chap 1, "She smiled to herself" - using Julia for "She" would make it more clear since Carole has come into mind. Then, "Each time Carole came she watched her like a cat; she would follow them..." (Chap 2). The "them" isn't clear though it must be Carole and Neil.
Julia's musings were interesting to follow. I read to Carole's interview day and got involved again with her side. These are involving characters and you've handled the threats of the two families in a fascinating way. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

From the very first sentence, this is beautifully written. The plot is complex, but you carry it well. Truly excellent.
Shelved
Frank

Pitch: Wonder if your short pitch might read better saying something like: Her stepdaughter’s return increases the strain. Should she drive her away? Also your long pitch makes it seem like the story will be Carole’s. And yet you open the short pitch and opening is from Julia’s POV.

You capture in your opening an embittered relationship beautifully and simply. As I continued to read, these were my thoughts:

Don’t think you need the italics, reads fine with out them, and they make it hard to read. Don’t even need to precede second set with She thought.

Don’t understand: to recover their intimacy against the intruder. Nor which withered relationship you are referring to.

Ah, typewriter ribbon, that dates it nicely.

POV: I’d say: It must not have been the response he expected.

I’d say: I believe Mrs. Adams (or that woman) . . . our daughter. Not clear who “she” and “her” are.

Good home . . . POV. I’d say something like: Maybe that’s what Carole wants, but surely not with an elderly stranger.

Try to eliminate semi-colons and “was”s e.g. After a moment’s silence, the girl spoke. Don’t need the “There had been a nervous pause . . .” paragraph. The dialogue stands will without explanation.

Why am I being so picky? Because I think this is very good -- excellent and sensitive characterisations. Carry on with some edits like these, adding a little tightness and polish and you’ll knock ‘em dead. Backed for its potential with high hopes.