Heroes of Destiny Book I: The Eternal War

Dear Kevin,

I just read several chapters of your book, with great enthusiasm. You have a marvelous way of counterbalancing grand fantasy with the humbleness of ordinary existence. Your characters truly come to life as real people, even though they aspire to a magical existence. Very well done, my friend! I believe that your book is far better than Harry Potter and others of the kind, and I can truly see your book as a movie. I wish you the best and much success!

Take care,
Karen

love this book and am looking forward to the sequels! Very well written and the plot is easy to follow. I found the book poetic and imaginative. You are obviously very talented and have a true gift for prophesy and storytelling. I have no doubt that this and other works of yours will get published and you will be a literary name that is held in esteem amongst the greats!

This is written on an epic scale, and shows brillliant imagination. It would take at least six books to fully explore the world of Eternium and the hopes and fears of its inhabitants. Your story (in the manner of Star Wars) draws from every culture and (also like Star Wars) it is full of Jungian archetypes. A thrilling opening and I am looking forward to more.
Shelved
Frank

Dear Kevin,
I thoroughly enjoyed your chapters. A very well written fantasy story. I lived it. I was there. Your writing drew me into the story. That to me is the mark of an excellent craft. You are a very talented story teller. Backed.

Kind Regards
Ariel

Hey Kevin,

Your story reads like the Bible reworked. It is awesome !

I like that the sentences are short enough to follow, but long enough to flesh out the plot gradually, in a sort of grand fashion - not unlike that of a sweeping staircase in a grand mansion.

The first chapter itself I feel is almost like a prelude to the book, than an actual chapter. It sets the stage for the epic that is to follow. It also has, if I must say, a distinctive Chinese feel to it. To me, it was a bit like watching "The promise" in book form; which I did like.

With a story as fabulous as this, I'm sure it will only be a matter of time before you get picked up by a publishing house (if not by this one), so don't give up ! Keep at it !

Cheers,

Hsiau Hsia Moo

(The Monarch Butterfly)

Hello Kevin:

Although this is not my normal genre and the premise of eternal, unending war between equal powers of good and evil seems rather hopeless, I nonetheless must admit that you are talented as a writer and have woven a good story.

Blessings to you.

James

Kevin,
Re: "Heroes of Destiny Book I: The Eternal War" was a delightful read. I could appreciate Kevin's martial dedication and Launa's inspiring presence as necessary elements of the grand adventure you were piecing together. The light banter of your characters and the antics they engaged in made me think of the dynamics involved in hanging out at the mall. Definitely YA appeal. Certainly the impact of youthful support is not to be taken lightly as attested by the successes of Harry Potter, Star Wars and Eragon. You have my support with multiple stars.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I am backing your book after reading the synopsis. I have to say, this is the best synopsis I've read in a while and I am hoping to read more soon as an adventure buff. Would you return the favor and take a look at mine?

"There is a part of which a man must play, but an end to what all men can do..."
Watchlist, read, rate or bookshelf: THE END OF JUGGELBY BUNGLETON, by J. O'Maille.

Interesting. This reads like a video game... complete with certain names and labels being in italics, or bold when someone joins the party.
Your audience is a bit jumbled, however - you explain simple things as if you are writing for young children, but then you use vocabulary words my high school students would not recognize! It's great to use a thesaurus to vary your language, but you need to make sure that the words have the same connotations as the word you are replacing, and that they flow well with the style of your story.
I do enjoy the tale, and would like to see someone make a game out of it!

Kevin, writing this here in the hopes you might get it :)
Have just rated Heroes under the new system. If you come back I would love it if you could spend a few minutes to rate mine. The good thing is that you can reshelve some old favourites and it counts!
Hope you are doing well in your other life. :)

This is a great fantasy story. I love the quest with side quests plot.
The characters are very likeable and I hope to read more so you can introduce me to many more characters that add to the party. I was pulled into your world from the beginning and I love your approach on 'destiny'. The setting is nice and your descriptional proze is excellent.
It only saddens me there is not more to read as I would love to read the entire adventure.

Backing this book and hoping you will share more in the future

Kevin,

I truly enjoyed your book. I think you have a lot of potential. I have always been a big fan of Christian Fantasy, and your book as the makings of modern day hit. Don't give up! I hope to see this published some day soon.

Backed.

Gregory James

Heroes of Destiny. Chapters 1 to 4

You've created a likeable and believable main character. Kevin is the most promising and hard working student Vordrogan has even had, he is also brave and loyal to his friends. But he is not too perfect. He doubts his abilities sometimes, he's scared of his mother when she's angry and he bluses when he thinks of Princess Launa. What's more, he's confused by the idea of fate and destiny but is attracted to the promise of adventures with his best friend, Prince Gray. Like the battle between good and evil and heaven and hell, it seems Kevin will have to battle with himself, as well as with the enemy, to achieve his destiny of saving the world of Eternium.
Princess Launa makes an attractive heroine. She's clearly in love with Kevin but she's also intelligent and has taught Kevin a few magic tricks, one of which he uses to fight the ghost in the cave. When Launa, Kevin and Prince set out on their adventure together, the reader knows she is going as an equal and will prove her worth. It is a wise choice to have Launa in the adventure, because it means there is someone for girl readers to identify with .
Prince Gray is perhaps the most interesting of all. Prophesy told that he would be common and royal. So we first meet him, dressed in ordinary clothes. He was also said to be both good and evil, so his name means neutral. He's Kevin's best friend and as they start on the journey, Gray seems more good than evil. But he hasn't experienced life outside his father's city and has probably never been tempted. Will he grow jealous of Kevin sharing his friendship between him and Laurna or will there be a greater test for the prince to face? It's already been revealed by Kevin's joking with Gray, that Gray tends to scheme . Will he ever scheme against Kevin and Launa? In some ways, I feel Prince Gray will undergo the greatest test of all.
The test of kighthood in the cave was exciting and had a nice mix of action, but also riddles and questions of identity and fate to think about. I liked the idea of the crystal being alive and choosing its owner. You kept us hanging on in suspense when Kevin saw the beautiful crystal. The reader had to wait until the next chapter when it was revealed what the item was by Vordrogan.
This is an enchanting read which promises excitement, romance and perhaps questions about destiny and the nature of good and evil. You have given it depth and passion. You've a good command of the written language and it flows well, so it'll be read easily by young adults.
There is just one point I hope you don't mind me making, which might improve your writing a little.
Your dialogue is lively and enjoyable between Kevin and his two friends. However, occasionally you explain something (eg how a character is feeling or reacting) when you don't need to, because it is already clear from what the character is saying. Eg "That would never happen, " said Kevin adamantly. THe reader knows Kevin is adamant without being told.
An exciting story that pulls the reader is. You've got humour too. I loved Kevin's mother's reaction when she thought he's be in danger and again when he was late back from the test. Her over reaction was believable though and all the funnier for that. Well done with this. I wish you success.
Cherry G.
The Girl From Ithaca

Nice handling of an epic spiritual theme. Happy to back this for you.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

I liked Kevin and his story, I liked his sword master too. I liked the hints about how he is to protect Launa and he doesn't feel he is ready, good romance. I liked his mom too. I think, although I don't write epic very well, that you and I have similar styles. Meanwhile, your writing is polished and visual. Thanks for the good read and God Bless!

Oh dearest Kevin, I love fantasy. I love a world that i can escape in.

You deliver it in folds and I love the way your honeyed words drip off my tongue. I am jealous of your ability to create and recreate worlds and i hope that someday I can do the same thing.

Backed with pleasure.

MaidenJapan.
Avenger's Pathe

What a glorious fantasy. Fantastic prose, truly epic scenes and wonderful rich characters demoonstrate that you are a first rate writer of fantasy. I could find nothing to nitpick in the chapters I read so I wil just offer my congratulations.
Backed with pleasure
Carl
The Time Hunters

You have an excellent command of the English Language and with your vivid imagination you have created a new world that the reader is easily transported to. Excellent use of imagery and strong character development. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I finally made it to your book. Did you steal this from my head or something? This looks like something I would write. Do you like Dante's Divine Comedy. This is what this story reminds me of. I love it to bits! I will definitely find my way back here. Keep up the good work!

Comments on Heroes of Destiny: “Prologue”, “Chapter One”

Please note that all of my comments are made in the spirit of constructive criticism and aren’t meant to be derogatory. I apologize if they come across that way. You may take or leave any of my suggestions. I also want to say that I am writing this as I read your story, so some comments I might make may be unnecessary when I read further on, etc....

Prologue

Your prologue is very well written. You manage to capture my attention right away. Your paragraphing is perfect, your prose makes for easy reading. Your premise is interesting. While supposedly prologues are taboo, yours is short and sweet and seemingly pertinent. You make excellent use of this story-telling style.

Chapter One

1st paragraph: I like your starting point. It catches my attention. Some books are really hard to get into right away and this one starts out running. Well done.

“His hair looked like whiskers”—This sort of contradicts with the previous description of Kevin having an “aura of heaven”. When I think of whiskers, I think of old men or barbers or something more along that line. Consider a different description.

“his eyes shone like onyx”—Should this be: “his eyes shone like onyxes” ? I know it looks weird, but that is the plural spelling. I guess you could leave it the way it is, because you can say of someone “his eyes shone like emerald” or “his eyes glittered like diamond” but it seems to sound better with the plural form in all cases. It tripped me reading it as it is written, anyway. Just a suggestion.

2nd paragraph:
“gave him the strength to carry on through his exercises” could be changed to “gave him the strength to carry through his exercises”

“Around his neck, a chain necklace with a jade jewel danced” could be changed to “Around his neck danced a chain with a jade jewel”

“Weapon in hand, as sweat glistened his features Kevin looked like…” would read better as “Weapon in hand, sweat glistening his features, Kevin looked like…”

3rd paragraph: “Kevin brushed his brow” could be changed to “Kevin wiped his brow”. I know a lot of people say ‘wiped’ but when you say ‘brushed’, one could literally read it as him taking out a hairbrush and doing is eyebrows after his hundredth swing, and that is an awkward picture that I don’t think you’re meaning to present your readers with.

4th:
“The elder’s hair seemed as snowy silkworms would if they nestled into a mane” could be revised to “The elder’s hair seemed like snowy silkworms, nestled into a mane.” I guess the real problem with your sentence is the “would” in your sentence. Perhaps you could try, “The elder’s hair looked as if snowy silkworms had nested into his mane.”

5th: you can consider using the contraction you’ve—“I think you should finally show me how well you’ve learned my teachings.” It makes for better rhythm in reading.

8th- I don’t know that you need to keep the “…by Vordrogan over the years” part. You already comprehend, as the reader, at that point, that Vordrogan taught him that and probably not all at once. “Kevin demonstrated the two hundred and fifty sword sets taught to him: everything…” is sufficient.

I don’t know if you need the comma in “everything form the simplest strikes and guards, to the superior offensive and defensive skills.”

I am wondering why it nearly tore Kevin’s body a part to do all sets? I know it is probably physically demanding to do all of them, but if he did them with such precision and power, ‘like a tornado of steel’ as you call it, perhaps it should only be taxing on his body and not nearly tearing him apart? That implies to me that he is out of shape. You could consider, “Even though taxed him greatly” or you could probably come up with something better than my example. Since it appears that he has trained for a long time, he should be hardened, I would think.

9th- You can keep the ‘roared’ part in “Vordrogan roared”, however, in “Self-editing for Fiction Writers”, they do not recommend using distracting words instead of ‘said’ like roared, coughed, shouted, screamed, hissed, hiccoughed… etc. The fact that Vordrogan said “Good!” with an exclamation point is good enough to know he said it loudly, and from his character, one hardly imagines he is doing anything other than roaring. So ‘ “Good!” Vordrogan said’ is actually sufficient.

Is the “at this same time” necessary? Because “Your sword arm has become far stronger than it was last spring” seems sufficient as a reader. The “at this same time” seems forced so that you know extra details. Kevin probably already knows what time Vordrogan is referring to, so I don’t think Vordrogan needs to tell him specifically ‘this same time’ or a ‘a little before’ or anything like that.

10th- It feels to me a little abrupt to introduce that Kevin is an apprentice here. Consider replacing “the apprentice” in this paragraph with Kevin and having Vordrogan tell Kevin in the 9th paragraph, “Very, very good, my apprentice” or something like that. This way, it does not seem forced.

11th- Consider omitting the “To prove he was fit” part. I don’t see how not drinking water proves that one is a better swordsman, especially after he just sheathed his sword so swiftly that he appeared a master swordsman. I think this paragraph would flow just as well with everything else if you just started with the “Kevin did not drink much water…”

You should also consider omitting “like one would upon reaching an oasis after crossing a desert”. Your writing is very metaphorical, so I could see how it would seem to fit, but this picture is actually distracting to your telling. I forget where I read it, but I read in an article that sometimes ‘our precious little darlings’ in writing (thinks we think are clever, etc) are actually distracting to the reader. You have some very good descriptive language, but again, I do not think this really fits.

13th- I really like your usage of the word ‘rapt’, however, the first sentence in this paragraph might relay a stronger picture to the reader by simply saying “The question stunned Kevin.”

Do you mean “flicking” instead of “flickering”?
Flickering- make small, quick movements; flutter rapidly
Flicking- propel (something) with a sudden sharp movement, esp. of the fingers

14th- Consider “test for knighthood” or something like that instead of “knighthood test”. When you state it as “knighthood test” it seems to imply that you are already a knight had have to take a test during your knighthood.

I really like Kevin’s humility here. If he was arrogant, I think I wouldn’t like him.

15th- Hah! I just read this paragraph and it says exactly what I said above. It appears I get along with Vordrogan too, since he and I think alike.

16th- Wow, Kevin is really hard on himself.

17th- Consider “Even the greatest swordsmen get tired.”

18th- Do you mean for their speech to be formal? A contraction every now and again makes speech more believable (Self-Editing for Fiction Writers). Consider “I cannot afford to tire—not when I’m charged with protecting…”

Consider: “It may be the difference between her life and death”. The “Swinging my sword one last time” is portraying a picture, but it makes his dialogue a little awkward.

19th- Comma? “I commend your desire to strengthen your swordsmanship, my apprentice, …”

I like the truth you present here… “strength lies within one’s heart”… however, does heart need to be italicized? You do use italics pretty well, but here, it does not seem necessary.
“…always remember that true strength lies within one’s heart” vs
“…always remember that true strength lies within one’s heart”

Revise “I see in you the strongest of people.” Do you mean “I see in you the strongest heart of people?” or that he is one of the strongest people that Vordrogan has seen? As written, it implies that he holds the strongest of people inside of him instead of him having the strongest heart, or being one of the strongest people.

20th- This sentence makes my comments on the 8th paragraph even more pertinent. You state here that he has been his student for a long time, so it is not necessary in the 8th. Ditto for my comments on that paragraph about his reaction to the 250 swords moves or sets he has to do.

Comma : “… no longer study under you, Master?”

21st: Consider “Although it brought him sadness to admit it, Vordrogan slowly nodded.” Instead of the “to do so”

22nd: I know you are trying to bring closure to this scene, but the “With that simple exchange of words, Kevin knew today’s lesson was his most important ever.” sentence can be omitted. Besides, since I have a feeling that he will learn in this book in some situation/battle that the strength of his heart is more important than the strength of his arm (at least I hope he does), the fact that he realizes it later makes the whole point of Vordrogan saying it even stronger than simply stating it here. Consider removing it.

*

1st paragraph- Consider revising the sentence to read like this, “As he walked, he analyzed today’s swordsmanship lesson, admiring the scenery around him”.

Why is Eternia Town in italics in the 1st sentence and not the third?

You can omit a few ‘the’s: “He heard horns calling from the harbour’s ships, and smelled spinces and sweets wafting from the promenade’s restaurants…”

You can consider: “He appreciated the spotless streets, breathed crisp air born by the trees…”

Consider: “Last, he glanced at Eternia Town’s grand schools, where lessons ranged from math to magic…”

I really like the concept of Eternia Town’s schools.

2nd paragraph- Going along with my comments on the 9th paragraph before the *… apparently the editors, etc of nowadays don’t like excessive use of words other than ‘said’. Here, you have chimed. You could almost use the simpler version “called”.

Consider saying that Launa has “chocolate-colored” hair instead of hair like chocolate. I know you mean the color, but it could be read as her having blocky, chunky hair that melts in the sun. You could also describe her eyes as “blue eyes reflecting light like oceans”. “Blue eyes akin to oceans reflecting light” is a little awkwardly phrased, however beautiful the imagery is.

I like your ‘world at peace’ description.

3rd paragraph- “Upon her chest a gold necklace glittered as diamonds would in the rain”. This sentence has some repetitive imagery. Gold, glittered, diamonds, and rain all portray the same thing: shiny. However, you could make them work if you rephrase the sentence to say, “Upon her chest a gold necklace glittered like diamonds in the rain.”

“…adorned her too.” Consider: “Sapphire earrings adorned her ears and a ruby tiara crowned her head.” Or something like that.

I think I am starting to get your italics here. You can forget my comment on italics on the 1st paragraph after the * .

4th paragraph- I understand what you are trying to portray with the nervous smiles and profuse blushes, however, the way it is stated, there are all sorts of nervous smiles “all over” Kevin’s face. So that means he has them not only on his lips, but his forehead, his cheeks, etc. You should revise this to say, “As Princes Launa stood before him, a nervous smile and profuse blush appeared on Kevin’s usually calm face.”

“He tried to respond suavely to the confident greeting she had given him earlier.” ? “spoken earlier to him” is awkward.

5th paragraph- Consider revising to: “Hi… Hi Launa.” He reddened further. “How… How are you? Or something like that. You don’t need to say “he stumbled” because the “Hi… hi” and “How… how” make it appear he is doing that. And since you already used blushed two sentences before, you should really use a different word.

6th paragraph- You could almost drop the “affectionately” altogether. The fact that she is much better now that he’s around makes it sound affectionate, and the fact that you put a label on it makes it glaringly obvious instead of subtly enjoyable. Be bold! Let your characters talk for themselves.

7th- 13th paragraphs- This dialogue between them is to portray their feelings for one another. Now, this may be my preference as a reader, but I am wondering if such things said would be more powerful mentioned later on, or broken into different scenes. The things they say are sweet, but it seems as if in the course of one conversation, a lot of affection is gushed out. Now, people do this in real life, but sometimes in books it is better for romantic suspense if stretched out. I tried to come up with an example of what to do, but it is actually getting late….

I was hoping to get through your first chapter at least, but since it is getting late, I will have to stop here. I really like your premise and your writing style is very easy to read and imagery-oriented. I hope you keep writing, and wish you best of luck with getting your book published!

Hero’s of Destiny Book

What an absolutely amazing imagination!!
You have a masterful touch in creating characters and it is this that (to me) makes this so great.
I would have liked a little more auditory description in the early narrative; it would have grounded it a little bit more for me. But your style and storyline are fantastic. –Good luck

Dear Kevin, I love fiction, romance, fantasy, Christian -what a wonderful mix. Your prologue is good to prepare me for your story. It is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

Can't tell you how much I'm enjoying this book! So very well written and soooo imaginative. Simply wonderful! Backed wtih pleasure!

Hi Kevin;

A good story,written in the tradition of the great Chinese Epics, with a bit of modern RPG thrown in for good measure.

Well done;

Bob

Well-written. Backed with pleasure!
A look at Bamboo Promise would be greatly appreciated. thanks

Hi, Kevin

I was attracted to your site by your maple leaf (I'm a fellow Canadian writer). It is obvious that you are passionate about your story, your characters, and your writing. You have done a great job in the opening chapters of rousing our anticipation of some great upcoming action.

You have done well in the standings. I believe if you tighten your writing, it will give your opening chapters the punch needed to draw readers in. Increasing the pace of HEROES OF DESINTY may be what you need to continue your climb to the editor's desk. You want to have a well-polished piece of art to show them once you're there.

Compare these sentences to your version from Chapters 1 & 2 and see what you think:
"...a young man swooshing a heavy sword as if he believed he could split the air itself in two..."
"The sides have been drawn. The players are prepared. Thus rages The Eternal War..."
"...around his neck, a jade (pendant?) danced on a chain..."

As well, watch your "ing" words. Although there is nothing intrinsically or gramatically wrong with them, they really slow the pace of a story. "Thanks a lot for dinner," Kevin said. He swallowed the last bit of cherry pie she'd baked. "And for the understanding."
"No...I'll clean up!" She shooed him away. "All I want you to do..."

I'd like the story better, too, if you kept with Kevin's point of view. Stay inside his head and keep us connected to his feelings. Saying, "She did the same for her son" instead saying his mother hugged him, removes the reader from your main character's mind.

Saying he deservedly laid down on the bed reads like an outside observation that the narrator is relating rather than something Kevin is thinking or feeling--and something the readers, therefore, can also think or feel.

Since you have so many fans, have done so well, and have other books in this series, it will be well worth your while to shed some blood, sweat and tears and spend some long hours on reworking this piece to increase the 'snap'; factor.

Good luck!
Eileen Schuh Canadian Author FIREWALLS

Thanks for your support.

A fun adventure so far. Adding it to my watch list and planning on returning. Thanks.

This is cool, and not quite like anything else, though I agree with your previous commenter who said it had a Chinese feel to it. At first your style with all the italics and over-the-top similes annoyed me, but as I read further, I began to see that they really serve the story. When I'm reading it, I imagine it animated in bold, primary colors. I think it works.

That said, I wonder if you might want to rework a couple of the hair similes. I don't know what having hair like whiskers would mean. I couldn't decide whether it meant there wasn't very much of it or that it stuck straight out at all angles or what. And the silkworm beard, I'm not sure about either. Do you want it to look like he's wearing these guys? http://www.diseaseproof.com/uploads/image/SILKWORM.jpg You could. They're the right color. And it's a very vivid way of describing it. But I'm not sure if it's the image you want because it's a bit gross.

Kevin,

I was hooked from the first paragraph. You have a way of constructing your sentences to carry your readers along and draw them deeper into the story. The battle of good and evil is age old, but you bring it to us in a new light.

Highly enjoyable and backed!

Abi xxx
"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules were made to be broken." - Relic

This is an interesting read because it takes place in a strange world yet the main character is very human and likable. The amount of sword fighting will be appealing to the "Harry Potter" crowd. The dialogue is authentic and enjoyable. Good story. Backed. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hello Kevin

You write beautifully, with good dialogue and a way of employing all the senses which really helps to paint strong pictures.

The prologue suggests a bold concept and I am not a fantasy reader so it does makes me wonder if this will be a book I cannot engage with. However in chapter one you introduce likeable characters and a love story so you've got me as a romantic! Kevin and Launa are well described and you set up a good basis for the developing story, promising drama and conflict.

Good luck with it. Shubie

Hey kevin how's it all going? Not far to go now - positive, positive, positive!!!
P.J Roscoe - Ruined Echoes

From the cover it seems you are going for a Harry Potter style book as represented through the old school badge.
Also with a book aimed at Kids that can also be read by adults it would seem to be along the same lines too. It does sound very much like the traditional fantasy tale, and there is a timeless quality to your work, it's not so time specific that it will quickly date, if ever. It's easy to follow even for a fantasy novice like me and flows well, perfect for your intended audience. You also do a nice turn of dramatic phrase. So I'm happy to give you a place on the shelf.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

From the bottom of my heart, thanks for your super kind comments about my Heroes of Destiny book David. That means very much to me, even more than the backing. I hope that if I do get a book deal for my Heroes of Destiny book, that is only the beginning of its legacy. That like you said, perhaps my book can live on through the years and years that follow - just like Lord of the Rings and Narnia are still being read decades after their authors have passed. Their legacies live on, just as I hope Heroes of Destiny will too.

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

Wow. I hope this gets made into a movie because it would, most appropriately, make one heck of a video game. The characters are likeable and real (good grief, I swear I know the lead character's mother), and the way they are described is absolute poetry, especially the introduction of Princess Launa. I LOVED the monsters, very imaganitive yet not so far out that you can't picture them. Excellent! Want the whole set sitting on my self!

Thank you Kasie. You're a true friend! :-)

Your fellow writer and friend in Canada,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

That is beautiful writing, like dreaming of heaven.

Thank you MM! Your words made my day! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

From the cover it seems you are going for a Harry Potter style book as represented through the old school badge.
Also with a book aimed at Kids that can also be read by adults it would seem to be along the same lines too. It does sound very much like the traditional fantasy tale, and there is a timeless quality to your work, it's not so time specific that it will quickly date, if ever. It's easy to follow even for a fantasy novice like me and flows well, perfect for your intended audience. You also do a nice turn of dramatic phrase. So I'm happy to give you a place on the shelf.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

Hey Kevin,
NICE Imagery! Kevin is definantly a character that stands out beyond many, he's a brave, lovable guy that despite having the responsibility of saving the world as we know it, he blushes everytime he's with Launa. I've read up until Chap 5, since I had to make sure that he passed his test: therefore, I was enthusistically hooked! I can't imagine the trials he will face, but I know he will conquer them for the greater good. I wish you further luck as I continue to read!
Sincerely
Katherine (Sonnet60)

Backed. Sorry can't comment further at the moment. All the best.
Regards
P
The Healers Stone

Wow. I hope this gets made into a movie because it would, most appropriately, make one heck of a video game. The characters are likeable and real (good grief, I swear I know the lead character's mother), and the way they are described is absolute poetry, especially the introduction of Princess Launa. I LOVED the monsters, very imaganitive yet not so far out that you can't picture them. Excellent! Want the whole set sitting on my self!

Nice work! I've only read a couple chapters so far but I'm drawn in by your creativity, world-building, and the genuineness of your characters. I have a feeling I'm going to like this adventure.

My only comment is in regards to Launa and Kevin...I immediately wonder how it is that they came to love each other and what substance there is to back it up. I find it hard to invest in a relationship that is all about "I love you, I would die for you" without any background that makes me believe they really love each other. Perhaps that is to be revealed in the coming chapters, but even so, from the first moment their love is mentioned, it would help to have something that stands out to the reader as a reason to invest in them and want them to be together (unless they aren't supposed to be together). I did, however, appreciate Kevin's nervousness and shyness. He is very likable.

Loved the mother...she was stereotypical in a really entertaining way.

I think you might have used italics a little too liberally.

But seriously, this is way more interesting than a lot of published books I've read. I look forward to reading more! Keep writing!

-Lizzie

Hello Kevin, sorry here is my long overdue return read!
Your tale has the all the indgrediants of a the grand fanstasy genre and they are worked well together your beautifully fleshed out characthers of Kevin and Launa. You could definately see this being a huge hit with the YA market.
Backed
Cat
Judas Kiss

Well written...smooth, captivating prose...backed with pleasure and will surely buy it when it's published...

Hello! :-) With praise like that, I will give you a copy of my Heroes of Destiny book for free - autographed too of course! ;-) My publisher probably won't like that I will be handing out many freebie copies to my family and friends, but if I sell lots of copies too, perhaps they won't care that I have a generous streak. Lol. :-)

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for believing in me and my book!

Sincerely Yours,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

Well written...smooth, captivating prose...backed with pleasure and will surely buy it when it's published...

Dear Kevin,

I thoroughly enjoyed your prolouge, it sets the mood for the typical Chinese legends and religion. I found myself constantly thinking about the older chinese tales as I read through the magnificent battles of demons and gods. Well done!

You have a marvelous command of the English language, which I rather enjoyed a little too much. I read the first chapter and though the wording or rhythm had no problems there is one bit of advice I can give you. When reading the first chapter, I tend to feel that you are trying to get all the information into our heads as quickly as possible. Try to space it out, cut down and tighten it up, make it slightly faster paced and try not to place emphasis on unimportant details. When spreading information out just a little more, it makes for an easier read and the reader can take a lot more in!

That was the only real 'mistake' I could see. Other than that you write in a stunning vibrant and capturing style, keeping to the typical chinese feel through the whole story.

I applaud you!

Although the whole good versus evil thing has been overdone over the years this book stands out amongst what I have read on this sight. It is intelligent and colorful and creative. Your prose is polished and crisp. BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hi kevin, how's the positive vibes doing? Your book is still on my shelf and I am looking forward to reading some more but computer is buggered! So, keep vibing from P.J Roscoe - Ruined Echoes!!!!

Hello everyone! I just wanted to say how proud I am to be a Canadian today, after my home country's athletes performed so brilliantly on the world stage at these 2010 Winter Olympics. We won the most Gold Medals by any country at any Winter Olympics in history - and the record-breaking 14th Gold Medal was won by the national hockey team, with the winning goal scored by my fellow Nova Scotian Sidney Crosby. Everyone across Canada and here in Nova Scotia especially is celebrating. I feel the same happiness as my fellow Canadians! :-)

The Olympics and Olympic athletes have always inspired me my whole life, and they - ordinary people pursuing super big dreams in life - were one of the greatest influences on me to pursue my dream of being a world-famous author through my Heroes of Destiny books. I may write about heroes, but these Olympic athletes are some of the earth's true Heroes of Destiny. I hope that one day I may be able to make my country of Canada proud too, by making a name for myself that can ring throughout the world and allow Heroes of Destiny to be known by almost anyone, nearly anywhere. To that end, as I have now for years, I will continue to train every day to be the best author I can possibly be, so that the belief many near and far have placed in me can be requited. To all those who told me "I believe in you Kevin, and in Heroes of Destiny"... Thank You.

GO CANADA GO! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

There is always a conflict between the "GOOD" and the "EVIL'. This is the reality which we can never deny. It s necessary for balancing, u know. I appreciated ur thought and the creativity.. Well done. :-)

I have been reading your story and I gotta say it's a hook, line and sinker! I really love the detail and the character development in your story, your very good in nailing the right emotions for the moment. Great work!
-A. Robertson

Hi Ashley! You and your fantasy book are future stars in the book business, so to know that you love my mere Heroes of Destiny book means the absolute world to me. THANK YOU.

Your fellow fantasy writer and friend,

Kevin Wong

Hey Kevin,

This is kevin. haha. Well, i must say, this....this is great. Really an excellent read. Eternium does seem like quite the place and you really bring it to life with your writing. The conflict is truely brought to light by the way you write and is extremely immersive. I really liked this and to anyone scanning through these comments..."READ THIS BOOK". This is a good one.

Kevin
In The Company of Heroes

Hello! Coming from a fellow Kevin, who also happens to be writing a book about heroes, your comments touch my soul. It is remarkable how similar people can be but who have never met, and yet there is a connection. Perhaps that is a touch of God - a touch of destiny! Your Heroes book will do well I am certain, and I hope that mine will too. Then we can meet at an authors convention and shake hands, or even work together to convert our famous books into superb movies and video games respectively! :-)

All the best to you, the American Version of Me,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

Kevin, I love a captivating opening/prologue. I often know within the first three chapters if a book is for me and I have been drawn in my your prologue. Can't wait to read the rest.

I can't wait to let you and others read the rest of my Heroes of Destiny books - after I get a book deal for the first: the one available for people to read on this site. Perhaps the day will come sooner rather than later when my first book will be out in bookstores, and then the rest will follow soon after that! :-)

Thank you again for backing my book, and for your super kind comments regarding it. I am indebted to you!

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

There's no doubt about the fact that you can write, Kevin, and write well. The style of writing fits the genre of your book, and I'm sure the many fans of fantasy fiction, and even fans of RPG video games who can be bothered to actually read a book, would lap it up. Good luck with this, mate. Backed.

Patrick
Trinity

Lol. If I can get gamers to read my Heroes of Destiny books instead of advancing their quest in the latest Final Fantasy or World of Warcraft, I will do well indeed! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

I just read the prologue and pitch. I'm reminded of a lot of the Greek and Nordic creation mythology stories I've read. Huge forces moving against one another, humans caught in the middle. I look forward to reading more.

Mike

Thank you Michael! :-) Sometimes the greatest stories in the world are the simplest / traditional ones. Good versus evil - it made Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, X-Men, Spider-Man, and Star Wars the most famous tales in the world, so much so that when I say these titles, you know what I am talking about, rather than "What's that?" I hope that my Heroes of Destiny story can follow in the same lineage as the greats that preceeded it. My book, at its heart, is simply a good versus evil tale after all. ;-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

Kevin,
You're obviously a talented writer, but since what you've written isn't my kind of read, I need something more besides the usual trappings of this genre to pull me in. Best wishes in your endeavors as a writer.
Denise