Book Jacket

 

rank 1792
word count 38891
date submitted 24.11.2009
date updated 24.11.2009
genres: Fiction, Young Adult
classification: universal
complete

Mrs. Cyriacks

S. Ridley

Three souls will change the course of history in an era where life is sacred and the existence of a people lay in their hands.

 

An ancient prophecy said three warriors would impose on the circular time, make amends for past atrocities on a Native American culture, and save the earth from eternal decimation. No one ever said the ‘warriors’ would be in eighth grade.


When thirteen-year-olds Joy, Rachel, and Jes learn from their kooky history teacher they have been foreordained to save a culture that was virtually wiped off the face of the Earth over a hundred years before the three of them were born, they all assume it’s just another of her crazy stories. Yet soon they find themselves sent back in time to a people they’ve only read about in history books, trying to find three items that will not only save the people they’ve come to help, but their own futures as well.

They have to stop the infamous Walkara, Hawk of the Mountains, who has stolen the map and kidnapped Rachel to sell into the Mexican slavery, before the map that brought them there closes for good, trapping them in the past forever. Foot races, ceremonies, a daunting lake, and a brush with death intertwine with the dangling truth these three must find before time runs out.

 
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tags

, dream, navajo code talkers, sioux, victorio, walkara

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72 comments

 

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Onthedottedline wrote 803 days ago

This is a wonderful story which will have enormous appeal to your YA readership, because it not only entertains as an exciting story, but it will also raise anthropological awareness of the danger we pose to the few fragile tribal groups extant in various remote parts of the world, and they will learn from the experience of what happened before to help to avoid it happening again. Young readers will thrill to the idea of time tavel and to being saviour warriors. I think you have a winner here. It's well-written and compelling. Backed with pleasure. Best wishes, Tony.

chrisalys wrote 798 days ago

This is a perfect YA book, it has it all! The premiss was what drew me in to begin with and then the short opening with the prophetic fire and everything is very intriguing. Then we leap into chapter two with the eveyday life of Joy. The stroy is really well developed, moves at a good pace and what makes me decide to back it the most is that i want to read on and i will.
Backed with pleasure for its a really well written YA
Chris (inside out)

Hypo99 wrote 567 days ago

BACKED INDEED. I LOVE THIS WORK. I LIKE THE WAY YOU WRITE. THIS BOOK WILL RISE, I AM CERTAIN

BACKED

Hope you get the chance to peek inside The Russian Hat

warm wishes
Brendan

carlashmore wrote 725 days ago

Hello, fellow time traveller. Well this is wonderful stuff. Yours is a simple, accesible prose which throws the reader straight into the action and then doesn't let up. The endings of your chapters are particularly effective and make me want to read more. I love the three three MC's and each is given a unique personality. Happy to back and good luck. Carl.

carlashmore wrote 725 days ago

Hello, fellow time traveller. Well this is wonderful stuff. Yours is a simple, accesible prose which throws the reader straight into the action and then doesn't let up. The endings of your chapters are particularly effective and make me want to read more. I love the three three MC's and each is given a unique personality. Happy to back and good luck. Carl.

Ferdi wrote 727 days ago

I love it when a book gets stright in there with the action. A terrific prologue that hooks the reader from the get-go. Nicely written, great dialogue and a terrific premise. Good luck!

Tim Roux wrote 727 days ago

A very nicely written tale of yet more children chosen to partake in a special quest.

JupiterGirl wrote 733 days ago

Hi S., You have fantastic eye (and pen ;0) for creating an encompassing setting from the get-go. Instant action and intrigue. I'm looking forward to reading on. Love the time traveling angle. Shelved. JupiterGirl. (Twins of the Astral Plane)

Mairi Graham wrote 735 days ago

Your first chapters introduce some unlikely wariors. It's not a wonder Mrs Cyriaks was skeptical. The story, as it unfolds combines so many 'cool' elements it's sure to appeal to your target readers. A good ear for dialogue, good characters and something interesting to say about native culture will add to its value for them. Good luck with this. I've put it on my shelf.

yasmin esack wrote 736 days ago

prologue setting- sitting?
Chap 1 Joy bolt-Joy bolted

Very very nice well done sc fi. You write really well and I am so happy to back this.
Cheers
Yasmin the God equation

Anna Pescardot wrote 743 days ago

Very easy to read with likeable characters. There is also an air of mystery about it. I am happy to back and I wish you good luck with it. I am sure it will do very well.

Best Wishes

Anna

bluewriter wrote 743 days ago

I like the concept of your pitch and the intrigue you introduce. I think there is a story here that needs to be told. The only point I found that needed to be brought out is the emotional content. I thought at points during the first several chapters there was a lack of showing. I felt like I was being told a story and not living it. I don't know if that helps you. I like the story. I just want to be in it, living it and not outside staring in. Backed because of the great possibility I think it has.
Jenny

K.Z. Freeman wrote 745 days ago

good pitch, I liked the story although I'm not sure how I feel about the title. Backed.

jahek wrote 748 days ago

Just the sort of book I love to read. Backed

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

Jupiter Echoes wrote 748 days ago

BACKED

I get very little from comments about my own book, nowadays. Some people like it, some don't. Some people are too frightened to leave genuine feedback, while others seek to enforce their own style upon me. I want to get to the Ed's Desk to get professional comment. I would rather spend 30 quid than do all this reading and backing. I have got everything I want out of Authonomy community already. So I am backing your book so that you can reach the Ed's desk and get professional feedback, instead of the platitudes and devious backings that account for 80% of backing you receive. Only 20% of comments are genuine, and will add value to your work.

Now, who am I not to back you? I am not godlike. Your work might be flatly written, unoriginal or even down right bad. It could be wonderful. But in my experience, only you can be honest with yourself about your writing... and that is what matters.

So, I am backing you so you can reach the Ed's desk.


There you are.

BACKED
Hope you reciprocate.

hkraak wrote 749 days ago

Good read! You do well with your end of chapter cliff hangers! Looking forward to reading more.

HJ
The Pearl Edda

Cait wrote 749 days ago

Mrs Cyriaks

Lots in this to keep your target audience interest. Writing is very good and with a bit of pruning it will be even better. Just little things such as, ‘Suddenly’ when the sky lit up. Tears (quietly) streamed… And a few others throughout?

Maybe say ‘towards the heavens’ instead of sky as it’s repeated in the next paragraph?

Likable characters, vivid scenes, and you have a good ear for dialogue.

Already backed.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

Shakespeare's Talking Head wrote 750 days ago

Hi S. I, too, think this is a great story for the YA market. Native mysticism, Time travel, young destined heroes; you have the makings of something very marketable here.

A comma or two, and a misused semi-colon in the first paragraph were a couple of teensie flubbers, but nothing big. This story has a great feel to it. The pitch really drew me in, and the jump into the action held me. nice job.

Backed. Thanks for sharing.
Gerry (Shakespeare's Talking Head)
Dropcloth Angels

zap wrote 752 days ago

You have an inviting writing style and your dialogue and descriptions are equally good. I like the Indian features and Jimmy's dream is quite magical. Your characters are well defined and likeable, while showing little stereotyping. On shelf.

Venusu wrote 762 days ago

Vivid and arresting,t his sucked me right in!
Aloha
V
Hawaiian Orchid

Clare Hill wrote 767 days ago

The prologue is short and sweet, exactly what is needed to set the scene. Then Joy's scenes are more detailed to draw the reader in. Some of the sentence construction is a little clumsy - 'she watched her little brother in his feet bottomed spider-man pyjamas...' - this could be sorted out with a good edit. Backed.

Beval wrote 768 days ago

A very good beginning, it set the tone for the rest and was exciting.
Good luck with this.

Raymond Nickford wrote 768 days ago


You pass seamlessly from ancient prophecy to the present in an unpretentious and very straightforward style which, when combined with an interesting and original premise, must surely appeal to young adults. Your greatest strength, I think, is your storytelling and a plot that intrigues without lapse. Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

LN wrote 768 days ago

Hello Mrs. Cyriacks,

On my shelf for the wonderful premise and easy to read prose.

setting ( Sitting)? - first line.

Lalit Navani ( Femme Fatale )

LN wrote 768 days ago

Hello,

On my shelf for the wonderful premise and easy to read prose.

setting ( Sitting)? - first line.

Lalit Navani ( Femme Fatale )

Bob Avey wrote 773 days ago

An unusual and interesting concept. It's on the shelf.

MickR wrote 774 days ago

Intersting premise, well written. A book with 3, 13 year old heros could have huge appeal.
Look what 3, 11 year old wizards did to the literary world.
Good luck, already on my shelf,
MickR - The Nightcrawler

John Harold McCoy wrote 775 days ago

Hi, S. What a nice book. Very enjoyable. I think you've done a great job on this. Lots of things going on, good characters, believable dialog and the beginning was excellent. I find nothing obvious to crit, looks very well done. On my shelf. Best of luck with it.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

lis anderton wrote 776 days ago

Excellent so far, I can't wait to read the reast, although I'm afraid I will have to wait until after Christmas... Owell - I will back it now and return to read the following 20 chapters in a week or so...
The prologue was so catching... I couldn't stop there, I had to read on.. and I suppose it is good to have such a short prologue, if I had picked this book up in the store I would have been able to read the whole prologue and been hooked...
Lis

Esrevinu wrote 780 days ago

Mrs. Cyriacks is not only a wonderful story but also a catalyst to inform and teach the masses.

The story is well-written, good characterization, and interesting dialogue. This is a winner.

Best wishes my friend

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

AlanMarling wrote 780 days ago

Dear S Ridley,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your greatest strength lies in your delightful premise of three middle-school warriors saving a people. To cover new ground I skipped to chapter thirteen and was rewarded by the charming description of Rachel thinking how the natives are cute. I like how Three Winds is amazed and suspicious of their blue eyes; you put yourself into his shoes well and humanize him. I loved your description of the horse and their interactions with it. I didn’t even know a horse could “grumble” but the gelding comes so alive in your story that I didn’t doubt him for a second.

In my fallible opinion, you could make your story even better by replacing the second instance of “the horse is beautiful.” Although this may be a fair representation of what a middle-school girl would say, I believe you could find something more endearing than the repetition.

This small matter aside, I enjoyed your story. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

LittleDevil wrote 782 days ago

I had no problem getting through these first couple of chapters, I just made a few observations as I went along, do with them what you see fit, but I hope they may be of help in some small way.

Scared away any potential scary beings. I would change this to chase away any potentially scary beings, because scary beings probably wouldn’t be scared if you know what I mean?

Couple of other things. ..

I think ... Jacob CRIED OUT as two EMT’s and one fire fighter helped place him on the GURNEY? Or Trolley? May sound better?

If I were you, I would bring the mother and father into the mayhem sooner, maybe just a few sentences to know they were there, it kind of jolted to see her father speak all of a sudden.
A good read. Thanks for sharing
Best wishes
Sue

CDV wrote 784 days ago

This moves at a nice clip. In chapter 2's opening, should "bolt" be "bolted"? Your prose flow without a hitch and I find Joy to be a thoroughly likable character, my only nit is I would like to see her approximate age established right away, that way I can get a better mental picture of who is waking up, turning on the light, etc. Happy to shelf.

S Richard Betterton wrote 786 days ago

Hey S, in the end it's the little things that make a book stand out from the masses of others on here, and with yours it's the simple symmetry of Joy waking up at end chap 1 / start chap 2, and then her falling asleep at end chap 2 - I really liked it! There are some places where you need to sort out repeated words eg. chap 1, line 8 and 9 - sky. An easy remedy would be to make line 9 'Suddenly that sky...' Anyway, minor point. On the shelf.
Cheers,
Simon

Sheila Belshaw wrote 786 days ago

An intriguing pitch that I expect will have the YAs clamouring to read this story. A good edit should sort out the various repetitions, otherwise the prose flows easily and tells the tale in a compelling way.

Backed.

Best wishes and good luck.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Carrots wrote 788 days ago

I am so pleased that this has been written. In our materialistic times it brings home the importance of native cultures, what we have already lost and what more we stand to lose unless we take care. The message is presented to the YA audience in a non-preachy way through a well-written imaginative story. Backed.

FJ Watson wrote 789 days ago

I love your pitch. I actually laughed.
There is one difficult point. You wrote, 'they all assume it's just another of her crazy stories.' Try 'they all assumed it was just another of her crazy stories.
Amazing story.

klouholmes wrote 790 days ago

Hi S., The explosion at the beginning is very mysterious. That along with Joy's guilt about Jacob was an involving start. That the explosion wasn't solved and she was in the classroom in the next chapter left questions in my mind. Mrs. Cyriacks seemed like a distraction at first but as Joy is drawn to her and the picture, that works with her psyche.
I noticed that in the first sentence the word "setting" might be "sitting." Sometimes the construction seems a little disjointed yet this is intriguing. I liked how Joy's inquisitiveness comes from a hurt and that she wants to find out the reasons for tragedies around her. The writing is sensitive and Joy is a warm character. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Francis Albert McGrath wrote 790 days ago

A tense opening, then straight into Joy and her family. I was wondering when we were going to meet Mrs Cyriacks, then finally... Ch 3, we see her... and she speaks of the Code-Talkers and loses her dentures. Then eventually, Ch 8, we get to the time travel. Ch 9, we're in the past. Now things start to move. So what am I saying? I think you need to tighten the action so that the time travel happens in Ch 2 or 3, fairly quickly, rather than have to wait so long. Shelved.
Frank

"Setting perfectly in the middle" [sitting?] "the sky and its omniscience" [is the sky omniscient?]

gillyflower wrote 790 days ago

The beginning, with the man throwing the powder on the buffalo skin, and thinking,'Now they can come,' followed by the line,'Almost two hundred years later, a girl woke with a start,' is brilliant. You draw us straight in. The next chapter, about Joy's dream and the explosion which scars her little brother, takes us into the heart of the book, showing us an important and tragic example of Joy's pre-knowledge when her help is needed,and it also shows us Joy from the inside. You continue to do this skillfully, to take the plot forward and to develop your characters and our understanding of them, at the same time. Mrs Cyriacks and Jimmy are very interesting characters, well drawn, and Mrs Cyriacks' eccentricity comes across well. You write in a straightforward, easy to read style, with some descriptive touches of real beauty. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Legend7 wrote 790 days ago

Wow! What more can I say! This is going to be a one amazing book as I also love stories with indians, dreams, and the like! More than happy to back. And thank you for backing mine as well. I am going to love reading this and will try to comment more as I go along. Right now, it looks perfect to me(I only say that because of my very limited knowledge when it comes to rules of grammar and writing). Best of luck!
Sarah-Return of the Past

ccpup wrote 792 days ago

Very nice opening. No problem whatsoever having this on my shelf.

A couple of nits, if I may:

Is the rock "setting" or "sitting" in the middle of the clearing? Check the repetitiveness, too. You have a string of sentences beginning with "He ... " eg. "He knew ...", "He hesitated ... ", "He closed his eyes ... " Even offering "Hesitating, he took a deep breath ... " would help to snap that string.

You continue this slight repetition in the next chapter, the word "door" showing up twice in the same sentence. Perhaps making that two sentences might work as well? Just a thought. :-)

But I enjoyed what I read and, again, am more than happy to have this on my shelf.

Jonathan
MARTUK ... THE HOLY

cara_ruegg wrote 794 days ago

this was such an interesting read. very creative. i like your voice and writing style it was very good. backed.

Bob Steele wrote 795 days ago

Mrs Cyriacks has an intriguing storyline based on a classic quest/ coming of age theme with time travel, magical artifacts and desperate deeds mixed in for good measure. This is right on target for the fantasy/ YA market, and I'm happy to back it accordingly. Good luck.

dave_ancon wrote 796 days ago

Chapter one: This is good, but I have a few nits. Instead of introducing your character as 'He", tell us who 'he' is. "John Blowgard, six feet three inches tall, broke through the thick forest into a small clearing..." Get specific in your introductions. When he sings, give words to the song. When he says the sacred words, tell us what they are. Your description sounds like John is an Indian. If so, tell us what he is wearing.

Get more specific on the sky as it filled with light. Did the light first arise from the east? Did the sky overhead brighten to a brilliance that dazzled? Did the shadows ebb from the lower canopy of the woods?

The crack. Was it thunder? You get my meaning. You are flying at 50,000 feet. bring us down to five feet in details. But, I realize you are working on a draft and you know all this. I'm just trying to give back to the community that helped me make my work so detailed and polished. Good luck with your writings and know that other writers just want to help, for in doing so, they help themselves also. Backed. Regards, Dave

Binky Myers wrote 797 days ago

Fantastic YA writing..Gripping opener that moves us straight into your MC`s world and by Ch 3 we are introduced to the fascinating Mrs Cyriacks.
I love the passing of messages in a chap stick tube...just the sort of clever detail that will bond your readers to you and maintain their focus whilst the story unfolds.
Good neat writing with unexpected twists and turns.
Very happy to put you on my shelf.
Best Wishes
Dawn ; ARK

cara_ruegg wrote 797 days ago

This is def my kinda read! loved it. your writing style is great. will add to my shelf now. X

Jim Darcy wrote 798 days ago

I'm no expert on YA but I read chapter 7 and it kept me going to the end. Not a culture I know much about either but the writing seems smooth enough to please. Jim D Serpent's Blood

chrisalys wrote 798 days ago

This is a perfect YA book, it has it all! The premiss was what drew me in to begin with and then the short opening with the prophetic fire and everything is very intriguing. Then we leap into chapter two with the eveyday life of Joy. The stroy is really well developed, moves at a good pace and what makes me decide to back it the most is that i want to read on and i will.
Backed with pleasure for its a really well written YA
Chris (inside out)

lynn clayton wrote 799 days ago

S, can imagine the enthrallment of YA when they begin this. Your descriptive passages are excellent and the mystery is compelling. Dreams seem to fascinate YA - they're always going on about them, in my experience, so you've got all the elements to appeal to them. And to me. Shelved. Lynn

Freeman wrote 799 days ago

This is well written with good narrative. I am sure it will appeal to the YA reader. Adding a dream in a story is somehting I like. I have one in mine. I will back your book with pleasure.

Tony
Life Bringer

John Adamson wrote 800 days ago

Hi Ridley, Your book is fine and you know what you are writting about, I like historicl books, yours with just a little editing and polishing will be OK. gladly backed.
John Foxley Manor

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