Son of the Ringmaster

Okay Diane,

I started from the beginng and was pretty impressed. Your writing is spot on, your characters are great and the story was really getting my attention. So, I decided to jump ahead to see if it help up and....drum roll, please.......YES, it does! In all seriousnees, this should be in stores now. I'm a huge fan of YA and this fits right in.

Great read!

Lockjaw

I enjoyed everything about this. The premise is great, and the execution is well done. The setting of a circus is a marvelous vehicle for the atmosphere and delivery of the fantastical elements. Voice, details, pace, characters, intrigue - all handled with finesse. I think this will appeal beyond your target audience. Backed, with admiration.

My son who is 15 has been reading this with me over my shoulder and he wants more - he says, "You Rock!" and because of that I am BACKING this - sort of like a Cirque De Freak by Darren Shan only I like it better because you have interspersed humor which young adults thrive on! BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

A talking dog, a talking purple dog at that, is a great opening and what a strong hook you give the reader at the end of the opening chapter. I expected this to be interesting as the pitches convey such fascination for the age range of your target readership and wasn't let down by the unfolding story.
This is splendid YA fantasy writing, very well suited to the age group and with a richly diverse group of characters. I've enjoyed it very much. Credit also to your daughter who is apparently an excellent judge of what makes a book work.
Backed.
Jared (Mummy's Boy).

Sam is fascinating. Your descriptions are atmospheric. For example, your first description of Sir Clamcorn. Your dialogue is delightful. I love the talking purple poodle. Your world building is superb. This is an enticing work of fantasy with lots of clever twists and turns. Backed.

Hi D E HALL--SON OF THE RINGMASTER.

What an eyecatcher of a cover, it drew me in, and almost tells the story in on. great cover design.
Your pitch well crafted and tells of what's to come in easy readable fashion

And it's off to read about Sam Travis and his intrepid adventures with the Clamcom's Circus, the greatest show on earth.; and that it is too, or should i say unusual one.
Great originality here as we find out how unusual it really is, one that visits other worlds.
bringing one along at a fast pace to read this great original fantasy;
where indeed would you get a thirteen year old boy who can shoot electricity from the tips of his finngers.

i enjoyed the lightness of the touch with which this book is written and i rate this book very highly
six stars . it's just one delightful and very warm fairytale .

tom bye ' from hugs to kisses.
please oblige and read more adventurous characters in my book and comment or back thanks

In browsing here, Diane, I've focused on publishability--HC's ultimate criterion. This may sound like a truism, but I believe a book to be publishable must be strongly appealing to its intended audience, and a novel's most important feature is its characters. All the better if it's well written. "Son of the Ringmaster," considering its target of older children and young teens, strikes me as exactly right. Children will identify with Sam Travis and be thrilled with his adventures And those who purchase the book--mostly parents--will approve of its wholesome quality. For these reasons, I've selected Sam's story for a thorough reading and will back it if my high first impression is sustained.

Could I ask you to take a look at "The Doctor of Summitville" (though a love story for adults) and apply the same criterion? Do you find it publishable? --Sincerely, Bill Carrigan

Diane

You describe the circus folk vividly the way a child would see them. Larger than life. I like the poodle colors. I think you can extend your age group down to 6 year olds because they would be pulled in even if mom or dad's reading it they would enjoy the story line. I only got through the first 3 chapters so maybe it gets older but I do see this as something that the kids of all ages would enjoy. Who doesn't like magic.

Only got through the first few chapters but was unable to visualize Sam except that he looks similar to the ringmaster. Not sure if I missed it but maybe adding a paragraph where Sam looks in a wonky mirror would allow us to see anything special about him and have him more in the readers mind. Just a thought.

Star rated and will be keeping my eye on to help as you move up in rankings.

Michel Prince

Son of the Ringmaster is a book that will stick in your mind. The inter-planetary circus setting is a perfect, and perfectly wacky, setting for what is actually a fairly deep YA type tale.

Author D E Hall has created quite a world within the circus and populated it with characters that are just as colorful. There is also just a hint of danger, which is magnified by the setting. The circus, any circus, can be an amazing place, but could just as easily be depicted, and often is in literature, as a terrifying one. It’s good that this circus tale has just enough bad things to advance the story, but never enough to pull it out of the YA genre. The horror is cleverly presented and subtle, and very effective. It will keep you guessing as to how things will turn out.

While the setting will bring readers in, (and kudos on the awesome cover art too) what will keep them there is the characterization. Each character from Hayley the wise clown to the insidious Escarlo to the main character, Sam, will stick out in your mind. Because of the skill of the author, we get to know them very quickly and get to care about them too. Thus invested, the fact that there is a nice, fast paced story is just icing on the cake.

I could easily see a book like this having a positive influence on the kids who read it, and becoming one of those magical tomes that is remembered for the rest of their lives. Oh, and if my reaction is any indication, lots of adults should enjoy it too.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Diane,
Son of the Ringmaster is a delightful and amusing tale. I'm sure I would have found it captivating reading as a child. It has great appeal to a youthful audience and is a marvelous beginning to an enchanting series.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Hi,

I just spotted your book. It sounds interesting, so I'm going to have a good read + comment right now. :)

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track.

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered :()

Chapter 1: Quick start. I like the way you grab me and drop me right in the middle of the action. Why is Sam in such a hurry? Breathless, I want to read on and find out. ;)

Ohhh I see he was just v excited about getting there in time to see the circus. I can see why. It seems like it's going to be spectacular. This Clamcorn's quite a figure too. Hmmm I wonder why Clamcorn glanced at Sam so meaningfully, though. I think something strange is going on. I’m sensing secrets. ;)

Wow the poodles were amazing. How on Earth did she train them to do that? All the other acts sounds fascinating too, from the Elastic Man right through to the Magic marvel. No wonder Sam's so obsessed with this circus!

I gasped when the poodle talked to him. I didn't expect that! Why's it calling him Clamcorn? Is he really the ringmaster's son? No wonder Sam stumbles into the toilets, thinking he's going mad!

Uh oh, when he comes back out everything's changed. Where is he now? Even the weather's different. He must be v far away fro his home somehow. I'm not surprised he's so shocked. Then Sam gets another shock. Looks like the words from the poodle weren't just imagined. He really is Clamcorn's son!

Chapter 2: Ahhh Sam was adopted. And Clowncorn's been searching for 13 years. Poor man :(. Hmmm I have a bad feeling when Sam goes looking for his foster parents. I doubt he'll find them. I think they are now in a completely different place, possibly even in a different world.

Ah I was right. Clamcorn tells Sam they're no longer even on Earth. I wonder how the whole circus moved like that. There must be some amazing magic or technology involved. I feel sorry for Sam, though. The news is such a shock for him. And by the end of the chapter, it sounds like he won't be able to see his foster parents again for a long, long time. ;(

Chapter 3: Hmmm sounds like the circus and Sam are far from normal. Fascinating. Ah the circus is just a clever cover. They're really a community of travelling magic users. That explains the poodles! But they can't go back to Earth for a whole year :(.

Sam gets more devastating news when he learns his real mother died. I feel really sorry for him :(. Hmmm maybe Clamcorn did they right thing by giving Sam up for adoption at that stage, though. He really wouldn't have been in a fit state to take care of Sam.

By the end of the chapter, I wonder what more shocks will be in store for Sam. I get the feeling what he's learned so far's only the start. ;)

Oops I just saw how long this comment's getting. I guess I better stop before it grows to a ridiculous size. I'll sum up now, and then shut up. :)

I think you have a great book here, filled with mystery and tension. The story’s filled with magic and has a fantastical, otherworldly feel to it. I especially like the way you stretch out the tension by releasing information, little be little. I’m sure the hooks at the end of each short chapter will get kids reading on far too late into the night ;).

Even though you don’t need the stars, I've rated your book as highly as possible. Congratulations on getting published. My fingers are crossed that you’ll sell loads and loads of copies. :)

Best of luck,

Pete

Chapter one is very colorful. I immediately sympathized with Sam. Enjoyed the bearded lady and her waddling and her luvvies and dearies. And you waste no time piquing our interest with mystery. A very nice start to this book. I'll read more when I can and rate then.
Kudos.
John B Campbell

What a great story. Just love your imagination and the way you create an atmosphere with your use of words and style. Great mixture of characters. Good solid writing and story telling.

This is an excellent book for younger teens, or even pre teens. The structure (Short chapters with a keep reading hook, brief paragraphs, dialog, short bursts of exposition) Fit very well with the intended audience.

And the story...what kid doesn't dream that their real life is far different than their boring day to day :-)

I've enjoyed the read Diane. This is most definitely a book I would have bought for my kids when they were at that age.

Heck, I enjoyed reading those books as much as my kids did, so I would have to nick this one when they were done with it.

Good read. Good fun. on my shelf with some stardust sprinkled ;-)

Bob

D. E.

Son of the Ringmaster. Great combination, circus, magic and a quest to overcome sinsister forces.
'Oh Sam? We've been searching for you ever since you were a baby,' said Sir Clamcorn. Quite a shock. Not your usual birthday revelation. The story has a lovely feel and some very colourful characters. Could see this as film. A great read for 8-all yr. olds. Refreshing my memory, since you returned. It's been a while. So now for a handful of stars.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

A nice read, but in some places it could be a little confusing. I suggest you work on some of the speech, and the description could do with a little bit of work.
I hope this book fulfills its potential, and its on my watchlist for now. Only needs a tiny bit of work and it may be on my bookshelf.

Good luck,
Dagura
'Rising Seas'

Very good indeed, great premise and as good as a tardis

What a treat! I know kids will really like this! Backing!

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly

Nice hook at the end of chapter 1 - well done. And a talking dog? Kids will love it! This is written well (can't say I stumbled anywhere) and appears well structured.

Happy to back.

If I might offer a bit more (and this is only my opinion), change the cover. I think most of us prefer to imagine the character rather than have him/her displayed. Perhaps if you morph what you have into a drawing...? Just a thought!

All the best
Elaina
Gathering of Rain

This is interesting. Kind of a mix of Harry Potter with knights and dragons. I think you need a hook element though, something to distinguish the book.

Best of luck,
The Bobster

Charming and perfectly suited for children. A mysterious father-and-son reunion, an interesting setting, believable characters--I wish I had this in book form for my own kids. Good job.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Hi D.E.
An intriguging story that is a genuine page turner. A unique storyline and well written.
I like it and I am backing it.
Hope you may look at mine, but not holding my breath.
David (Flawless Murder)

Love it! The magic caught me from the first chapter. Definitely backing this.

It's a great start to the series. The plot and characters are solid. I had an enjoyable time reading this.
Sam is easy to like. The pace of the adventures kept me from pausing during the chapters. Well written.

I like this story. There has always been a bit of magic in the circus, mixed with a touch of the sinister, and you use that to full advantage. The boy or girl who imagines themselves to live fairly normal lives only to have the truth revealed to them, that they are special such as the Ringmaster's son, is a recurring theme in YA literature, and for good reason. Every kid wants to feel they are special deep down. I think young readers would enjoy this story.

Dear D.E.,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

I remember when I was a kid there seemed to be be a lot of circus stories around. They seem to have gone out of fashion - so have circuses to some extent! So it's good to come across a new circus story - and a very original one as well. Great characters, and a fascinating plot developiing. Backed!

Backed
Splinker
B.D.S.T.

This is strong, uncomplicated prose, delivering the events with maximum impact. Fast-paced and intelligent, it does not fail to hold the attention of the reader, and we're right there at Sam's side. A quick polish for technical errors, could make this outstanding, and it's already something very special.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

I thought I backed and commented on this some time back but I'm not so sure now, so have returned to give my thoughts. Basically, it is books like 'Son of the Ringmaster' which is why I came to Authonomy: I wanted to see how other children's writers dealt with their material for the same target audience as myself. And you do it quite brilliantly. The pitch is great and I was keen to dive into your prose, which was taut, accessible and in 'Sam' you have a wonderful character to rival Percy Jackson, Harry Potty, Valkyrie (in Skulduggery Pleasant). In short, an unaware hero thrust into a magical world. And a great one too. Your dialogue is sharp and crisp and I am delighted to back this.
Carl
The Time hunters

Very good read, with strong, direct prose. The jump from to the snowy scene was very well handled, I thought and Sam is a very well drawn, immediately likeable character.
Happily backed
Mal Muirhead - Marvellous Mavis and the Devolve-o-Meter

I said I'd find something to make me smile and I did:-))

This is a good story. There's always something magical about the circus and here there's real magic going down. You've made Sam a likable and sympathetic character because his family doesn't support him. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

D E, your first two chapters read well. This is good use of an overactive imagination :) I like the mix of narrative and true-to-life dialogue.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

SON OF THE RINGMASTER:

D.E. Hall,

If I were thirteen I would devour this book. It's got all the ingredients of a successful YA fantasy: a very likeable charismatic main character you can identify with, magic, a unique plot - and suspense.

It's also extremely well written. Fast paced and smoothly flowing, with totally realist dialogue.

Backed, with pleasure.
Sheila Mary Taylor (Pinpoint)

HI DE ...

This is a good read and quite within the range of your target audience. In Sam you have a good strong character who interacts well with others in the story. You appear to have a good plot building (although I cannot read as much as I would like). Your dialogue is very good and believable There are one or two places I would suggest need tightening, but only minor changes are needed. Please bear in mind these are only suggestions. I have picked mainly from chapter one: 'Sam smiled to himself' I would just write: 'Sam smiled'. the 'to himself' sounds a bit peculiar. Is it possible to smile without anyone seeing, unless alone.

'Had uttered': 'had seemed': 'had surpassed'. As words ending 'ed' are past tense the 'had' is unnecessary.

Further on in chapter 1 you have written: 'wondered if he'd had an out of body experience'. Lose the contraction and you have: 'he had had'. This I find very clumsy to read. Also: 'lush green trees that had previously'. Once again the had is not needed. I have the same problems and find that reading the sentence aloud, with the 'had', then without, usually shows which sounds the better. the same rule can be applied to the over use of 'that'.

Contractions should also not be used in 'third person', but only in dialogue and narrative (first person singular).
The use of of many dotted lines is frowned upon instead try a simple ellipsis 'word ... word'. Note the two spaces. At the end of dialogue 'word ...' only one space and should not be used with other punctuation 'word ...?'

I apologise for my pickiness. You have a very good novel that lacks polish. 'Backed'. All the Best. Regards ... Duncan.

I read and backed this work before. This morning I returned to read some more. Backed it again. Good luck because this work is perfect for your intended readership. Chuck

I really like the idea behind this and i've enjoyed what i've read very much! The concept is cirque du freakish - but i think it's a little unfair to say that and imply your story isn't unique, which i think it is!

Happy to back, best of luck! x

Okay Diane,

I started from the beginng and was pretty impressed. Your writing is spot on, your characters are great and the story was really getting my attention. So, I decided to jump ahead to see if it help up and....drum roll, please.......YES, it does! In all seriousnees, this should be in stores now. I'm a huge fan of YA and this fits right in.

Great read!

Lockjaw

My 16 year old nephew is going to love this. I will show it to him in a couple of weeks.

I enjoyed everything about this. The premise is great, and the execution is well done. The setting of a circus is a marvelous vehicle for the atmosphere and delivery of the fantastical elements. Voice, details, pace, characters, intrigue - all handled with finesse. I think this will appeal beyond your target audience. Backed, with admiration.

You are a gifted descriptive writer, and it perfectly supports the themes and settings. I think you do a very good job giving each character distinct voices. The premise is strong; the pace is steady and characterizations compelling. It feels real and not forced. You should be very proud
I wish you the very best

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

The premise is strong; the pace is steady and characterizations compelling
You are a very good writer my friend and I wish you the best
You have a flair for slowly pulling back the layers, revealing the core of this endearing story
I hope you are published soon
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

This is pitched well at your audience. I think it could do with an little tightening up, which would quicken the pace. Children today are fast moving, they play games on computers that provide them with adventure at the pace a machine gun fires so will want the story to crack along. And, to up the tension, you need to show, not tell.

Here is an example:

Questions filled Sam's confused mind. Footsteps thudded on the frozen ground. They were coming towards him! He turned and ran back into the cubicle. His shaking hand reached out for the bolt, but before he could push it into position a deep booming voice called out his name.

Sir Clamcorn? (in italics)

The door pushed open and two great arms enfolded him lifting him into the air. He could smell the circus ring, the sawdust, the animals and the paint they used on their faces as he brushed against Sir Clamcorn's clothes. Smells he loved.

Standing just behind and visible over Sir Clamcorn's shoulder he saw, The Bearded Lady and Psychic Sandra, both beamed huge smiles at him.

This way of writing involves your reader, they feel the tension and fear Sam feels and they smell what he smells and hear the booming voice - using their own senses, which is something we as writers should strive for.

I hope this helps, you are a very talented writer and I back you for this talent and the potential your book has . If I can help you further, please ask and if you do return reads, I would be very grateful if you could look at mine: An Unbreakable Bond. Thank you, Best wishes, Mary

I was a little underwhelmed by the dog act. As the main act we see I would have expected it to be a little more spectacular than back flips. Sam's love of the circus didn't quite translate for me.

Sam came across as younger than thirteen, by quite a bit. His wide eyed wonder and general behaviour felt more like eight or nine to me. This is just based off the first chapter though.

I'm pretty sure 'whom tonight had managed...' should be 'who tonight...' as who is the subject of the verb.

The sense that something was up was well conveyed. The dog talking was okay, although the dog doesn't say much of interest (at this stage anyway) it was well handled.

Overall though I wasn't particularly wowed by the circus acts, which i think is an important thing, to be into it as much as Sam. I felt they needed to be either more unusual or unexpected in their performances. That would require you to come up with stuff that would make the reader think I wish there really was an act like that so i could go and see it. Didn't quite work for me.

best of luck with it.

regards
mood

Came to read this after seeing your despair at the current view of agents about this genre. Please don't give up on this. If a book appeals to a YA audience as much as this will, it will have its time. You have created an adventure and a character with interest and appeal, and on top of that your writing is full of life and humour. All the best with this and of course I'll be backing it. Paddy. The Dragonlite Legacy

The work is extremely well suited for Young Adult, and as stated in the pitch, older readers as well. The talking purple dog offers a delight that kids relish. The work seems well suited to reading aloud to one or more children because of the descriptive qualities. A couple of minor items might be considered. Sam Travis is introduced in name only; no physical "picture" of his appearance is drawn for readers. Sir Clamcorn does protray a visual picture, but only in a limited sense. Sam not being on earth just keeps enough suspense building to satisfy all readers. Thanks for sharing. Backed on my bookshelf. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Great start to your story - pulls you straight in, wanting to find out more. And now I've written that, I'm off to read chapter two!

Very happy to back this,

Amanda

A wonderful fun read. Well done.

Realised I hadn't read your book, despite seeing you in the forums a lot. Love the idea of the circus. Worried a little about your short pitch - not sure it's a good idea to say things like 'original premise' and 'entertaining story'...
I would have said this was classic mid-grade fare - partic as your MC is 13 (perfect age - just that bit older than target readership). I ran into this mid-grade/YA issue with my first book here, Walker, and strongly advise you stick to one or other.. (if you read the HC review for Walker, you'll see what I mean). Editors like to know exactly what little slot books fit into. It's crap but it's the way it is.
Not entirely sure a 13-year old boy would think 'yuck' about girls - maybe ambivalence but not entirely yuck...unless a very slow developer. Small jump into Sam's mum's POV jarred a teeny bit for me.. And I did wonder why, if they go to the circus every year, that they didn't find him until now. And surely Sir Clamcorn knew where he was? That puzzled me a bit.
So, those were the nits but generally I thought this was a hugely fun read. Just the right amount of scary for this age range but with the necessary humour too.
Happy to whirl it onto my shelf...

Hi DE
THe best thing about this site is that it gives you an excuse to read kids books! I love your pitch and am WLing to read more later. Plus I am from Yorkshire too and anyone from GOC deserves a backing!
DP Walker
Five Dares

Son of the Ringmaster-

This has a really fun premise with the circus. I don’t know any kid who wouldn’t be immediately taken in by that. And you do a good job portraying all the excitement, the noise, and the chaos that goes along with it.

This could be tighter simply by eliminating extra words. "Even Sam’s parents applauded maniacally like excited young children." Could be tighter as: "Even Sam’s parents applauded like excited children". (adverbs are fine if used sparingly and not when it works better without.)

Another example. “Sam was absolutely spellbound”. “Sam was spellbound” says the same but eliminates the author’s voice and the adverb.

Great hook at the end of ch1.

Ch 3 – “His birthday had definitely been memorable but it looked like his whole life was about to change. He still had a mountain of questions to ask, and plenty to think about.” Maybe something like: “His birthday was one he'd always remember but he still had questions.”

Isn’t he the least bit scared? Confused? He’s thirteen, the age of a budding detective yet he seems to just take everything in stride. He needs proof—they should give it to him. And how come this was the first time in all those years that Clamcorn recognized him? I did get the impression his mother knew something was going on when she told him she loves him before he went to the bathroom and I liked that.

Also, he seemed to accept this way too fast, especially calling Clamcorn ‘Dad’ so soon after meeting him and moving to another planet …

Okay, I’ll stop with the nitpicks. I did enjoy this (couldn’t have read three chapters if I didn’t!) and I think this will do very well. It has all the ingredients of a great YA Fantasy, in an exciting, magical world of the circus. You’ve picked a very good setting for this—one that opens up all kinds of possibilities for interesting characters and adventure. Backed for sure, BJ (Silent Hoofbeats)

D E -

I don't read MG or YA (I'm about 50 years past the cutoff date). But this is terrific.

Very Ray Bradbury.

Backed.

And if you could spare the time, I'd love it if you could take a look and comment on my book.

Thanks, and best of luck here.


- Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

The fact that this is about a circus should be enough to get most YA clamouring for it. Bearded ladies, talking poodles - not just any old circus. Magical and highly amusing. Backed. Lynn

Love the premise and the style. The long pitch is good, but I think the short pitch needs work. The entire second sentence of the short pitch needs a rewrite because it reads more like a review than a pitch (I should know because I'm guilty of that sort of thing myself ;)). I think this will work well with the YA audience. Backed with kudos, and best of luck!
-Jenn
Reunion
The Cinderella Curse