Animalstories

Hi Patricia,

Unfortunately, time prevents me from reading more than the first of your stories.

I'm not sure what age group your are aiming this story at. It seems initially to be for rather young children, yet there are some quite big words which not be understood by them.

I note that English is not your first language but, while there are a few gramatical errors, none of them are too serious.

You do have one typo 'seem' which should be 'see'. Other than that I found nothing else in this first story that is worth mentioning.

I like the premise of the book but you need to be more precise as to what age group you are going to wrfite for and adjust the wording accordingly.

Ron

Patricia - Animal Stories - charming and immediately accessible. You need to find an editor to help you with punctuation etc but that's a minor detail. Keep writing. Backing your book with shining stars - Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

It's difficult for me to critique a children's book, but I like the adult tone you use and the topic you have chosen. Often felt patronised as a youngster, but you treat the reader as an equal. This is also difficult to judge as the artwork is not here, but if it is similar to the front cover then it is of a good standard. I'm not sure what else I can say except good luck.

read the first couple, and i thoroughly enjoyed them. i'm not sure about the punctuation since i'm not up on international rules like that, but dialog commas are usually found inside the quotation marks. but what do i know. =)

me

Thanks a lot Pia.
Patty

Patricia,

Animalstories - I read into the first chapter and met Horatio some days ago, a great character. Just now I read CH 7 and had some sympathy with Looney, the guinia pig is right to be afraid of the Harpy Eagle, and the extinction excuse for bringing him to the farm does not convince her. The betting scene with all the boxes and people shouting at Looney is very funny, and the dialogue throughout is lovely. This particular story will inspire children to ask questions, about the foodchain. I haven't got grandchildren yet, but this is something I would enjoy reading to them. Ah, rounds your comments to hundred ...
And now it's hundred-fifty-one :) Just came back to refesh an earlier comment and give you your stories the deserved stars. Pia

Patricia, I can't believe English is not your first language. You write better than some of us who don't even have the talent to be bi-lingual. I usually read profiles to decide who to ask to read my book. I don't usually read children's books, but yours is special. Your profile is sincere and your stories are both charming and informative. This is the perfect way to communicate with children and to encourage them to read as well. I can't comment technically because I'm not a trained writer myself, but I do enjoy what I read. Well done.

If you have a chance, please take a look at a chapter or two of my book, A PLACE IN LIFE and let me know what your first impression is.

Thanks and good luck.

Old Bob
A PLACE IN LIFE

Patricia, I can't believe English is not your first language. You write better than some of us who don't even have the talent to be bi-lingual. I usually read profiles to decide who to ask to read my book. I don't usually read children's books, but yours is special. Your profile is sincere and your stories are both charming and informative. This is the perfect way to communicate with children and to encourage them to read as well. I can't comment technically because I'm not a trained writer myself, but I do enjoy what I read. Well done.

If you have a chance, please take a look at a chapter or two of my book, A PLACE IN LIFE and let me know what your first impression is.

Querida Patricia,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

Well, first I am at a lost giving you a critique for I must admit children's book are not something I feel secure enough to comment on

With that caveat let me give it a try:

The language is concrete and magical which is exactly right for children.
I think the placement is also exotic enough to catch their attention (i.e. that is for them not for us....lol)
The animal dialogue also seems right for, is action oriented rather than thinking oriented, which fits with the concrete world of children
Finally, I do think that at the end children will care for the Guanaco & co.

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

First I am not sure if Americans know what a Guanaco is. My guess yes, if it comes with a picture, so point made

Second, my guess is that the consequences of being 3810 feet under the sea would be hard for children to visualize, since this kind of altitudes are not known in America. I was in Cusco, Puno and Machu Pichu, and I know the breathing problems, the thick air and the getting tired after a few meters of walking, so what I would do is insert that into the story, as a way of framing it for children

Again I don't know about the pictures but the Titicaca river is a beautiful place - yes being there too - so I would create a mind image for children to visualize it

The same with the ponchos.

I would also explain that Alpaca is like cashmere only drier and more resilient, the fiber a bit thicker.
just like you explained the two types of Alpacas further down.

"Run toward the caves located in the highest areas"
this sounds like a literal translation; i.e. corre hacia las alturas!
I think in English would sound better as:
"Run toward the hills"

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful, happy to back you and 6 star you

david

Good simple structure for the target readership. Engaging characters. I would buy it for a child - if I knew one.

I remember enjoying some of these stories before so I had a look at story 5 this time: Waistcoat & The Chinese Storekeeper. This is another good story for children with a quirky edge. It's interesting that the Chinese man won't sell salt at night cos it's bad luck. I would suggest, however, that this needs proof reading for any grammatical errors or typos. Otherwise this is an enjoyable read. Best of luck.
Tim
VITALITY

Backed Animalstories. Great bedtime read for children. Delightful stories that come to life with your telling. Good luck!
CC Brown
Dark Side

Added Animalstories to our Watchlist. How did we miss this book. It looks fun. Thanks for backing Dark Side. CC Brown

Dear Tom I have a letter of Clarence House London. Private and confidencial.
Dear miss Fernandini Leon
The Prince of Wales has asked me to thanks you for sending the first edition of Goosie and The Prince. It was very thoughful of you to think of His Royal Highness in the way that you did.
This comes with warmest best wishes
Your sincerely,
Sarah Kennedy-Good
The assistand Private Secretary (Common wealth) to THR The Prince of Wales and The Duchess of Cornwall
9th march,2010

I do like the Prince Charles story, not sure how he's react to pate speaking to him after all he is a member of the Royal Family, known for their love of shooting things.

I did find the first one a bit confusing, so I skipped to the second one. Perhaps as there's no pictures and I'm not 9.

I've given your book some stars.

Dear Patricia, My boys loved getting lost in your Jungle. Just as much as they loved hearing the first three stories, of your wonderful book. Different Author's have different audiences to attract, but as an adult! Who loves the philosophy of finding a different way in which, we have the chance to change such things. Me and my boys thought, that your message was clear, concise and full of fun. There's a little truth in all we take for granted. And by reading your book, it made us think of the way we! Take things for granted. Great read, great talent which, is why I am going to back it. Good luck with everything. Take care, until we meet again. Cicuta. [ Carl, Arcane ].

I've read the first short story and was very impressed. It was a tale that children and adults can sympathise with and engage in. Any right minded person knows that killing animals for fur is hideous (except as an only means to survive) so the animals in danger will have the full support of the reader.

A very compelling tale with a nice ending. Considering that English is not the native language of the author, very very impressive - at no stage did I get the impression that this was written by someone who isn't an English speaker. Pleased to give this six stars.

I am honestly of two minds and find it hard to form an opinion on this work. I will cerainly back it as I have no doubt as to the ability of the book to reach it's target audience; it is ideally structured and worded for a young reader being colourful, alive and graphic. It certainly doesn't patronise and the underlying lessons are patently obvious. It's aim is highly commendable. My problem is that an unintended, I'm sure, darkness comes through. Little fluffy babies in juxtaposition to skin stripping, flesh eating two legs. I will accept that I am probably reading too much into to this and my prediliction for Edgar Allen Poe is probably influencing this entirely subjective critique. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Patricia Animalstories (should surely be two words and not one?) is delightful. Backed without hesitation and please take a look at Freckles the Fawn when you have time. Best of luck Balepy

I WILL COMMENCE READIBNG THIS BOOK TO MY COUSIN AND GIVE YOU A FULL CRITIQUE., I WILL HOWEVER BACK IT, Hope u can return the favour. my book is THE SEVEN PIECE STONE

Hi Patricia, I've just read the alpaca story and the story about Blackie. These are really beautiful stories and are ideal for childen. I love the way you have created such brilliant characters out of the animals and the dialogue helps to make the reader see the situation from the animal's perspective. Backed.
Gill

A well constructed storyline and definitely a winner in the genre,you have crafted a variety of cleverly conceived stories and undoubtedly these will be popular amongst the younger age groups.

Backed with pleasure.

Richard

Hi Patricia! Thank you for backing London. What your background, experience, talents, I am truly grateful. Thank you!

Enjoying the way you paint your stories....consistent structure, and a journey which is a joy to ride.

Blessings,
jim

Patricia,
These are lovely stories aimed at the right age group. Each introduces different animals to the reader and in an entertaining and interesting way educates without seeming to instruct. A well written book that should do well. Best of luck.
Rosemary

Having already read all seven volumes, I can recommend Patricia's books to all people who have and love children. Not only good stories, they are very educational for young children of all ages, like me at 72????
Good Luck Patrica.
Norman.

Wow, you did a wonderful job with the English language. Contratulations.

Me gusta su historia tambien. Voy aprendiendo el espanol.

Backed. (No se como descir "backed" en espanol.)

FEL

This is a great idea for a book and you have written it very well. Backed for sure. Eunice.

Well I love the premise, found the opening writing a bit savage but that's just my opinion, I'm a sissy. But great idea hope it does well. THE TAILS OF WILLIE GUSTY

Hi Patricia

Great stories - I wish I could see the illustrations too. I love the exotic location - I've never read anything set in Peru and it's lovely to read about the natural flora and fauna of the country. I got terribly concerned about the fate of Horatio, Lupe and Fluffy, though I don't understand why you call him conceited, as he doesn't come across as conceited at all. Very enjoyable. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Dear Patricia,

Wonderful stories!

Animals...A Bit of Magic...Life Lessons!
I no longer have young childen, but the first thing I notice is the length of the stories are perfect.
Animal Stories are classics these is written with an ageless style.
Backed!
Good Luck!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Light and lively enjoyable.

Backed
Best of Luck with this.
Scorselo

Dear Patricia,
Animalstories is absolutely beautiful, and whilst I'm quite lost for words, I feel one would sufficiently embody the way I feel about your novel. Brilliant.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

I never heard an approach such as this for a book. It is imaginative and filled with special touches. Thank you for your support of December Gold.

Dear Patricia,
Animalstories is a beautiful, heartwarming book that will entice young and old. Your writing skills are superb and I wish you the best of luck with your novel.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Dear Patricia
came back for a reason and just
want to say again love the book
cover. I have not finished this read yet....I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Backed

Ferdi
A Bed of Thorns

Patricia,

This is such a wonderful contribution to conscious literature, and your sensitivity and talent are shining! Animalstories is a very valuable book, not only adding to the children vision of themselves and the world around them, but also carrying the important message that needs to reach all of us: the animals, nature, and also humans need our help. We are all connected, we are all responsible for each other. It is up to us what will become of us and the animals and nature around.

I also complement you on your beautiful use of language! Yes, it still needs to be polished, but that won't be a problem, once the editors take care of this fine work.

Backed with the utmost pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Hi Patricia, Thanks for writing these ecological animal tales. I think these are wonderfully told and are just as important for adults to read as children. Incidentally, I am a vegetarian and advocate for animals when possible. (I also have Francesco and Chiara advocate for animals in my novel All Saints' Day which you kindly supported).

I think children need to know about compassionate humans too like Jane Goodall and others speaking up for animals. There are kind humans whose life work provides sanctuaries for creatures (as you mentioned in your alpaca story), and there are humans tirelessly running grass roots advocacy groups to protect non-humans. Children can align themselves with these un-sung heroes.

Patricia
All Saints' Day

With some attractive pictures, this could make a charming book for children. There are many places still needing editing, and you need to pay more attention to punctuation as well. A general rule, - punctuation attached to dialogue always go within the talking marks (inverted commas) not outside. Also when a sentence of dialogue is interrupted, a capital starts the second part of the sentence.
eg, "Have you a picture?" he said.
"No," he answered, "But I can paint one."
I wish you luck with your book. Marj.

Animalstories
These stories should appeal to parents because of their positive message and because they are that little bit different: there's not many stories that have an alpaca as a main character!
And they'll appeal to children because of the endearing animal characters. All the animals are in danger, suffering mistreatment and perhaps dying at the hands of hunters etc.. It may be a harsh message but children are used to harsh messages in today's society and they may be inspired to realise they can help. I like the idea of the extra activities and it could be something for adults to share with the children, perhaps both learning from one another.
I think it needs a little editing work with the punctuation etc and checking over by someone with English as a first language. This will improve your stories dramatically. I wish you the best of luck with this, Patricia
Backed.
Cherry G.
The Girl From Ithaca
PS Shame we can't see your watercolour paintings, but I'm sure they are an attractive complement to the text.

ANIMALSTORIES by Patricia Fernandini

Story 2 - Goosie and The Prince

Patty - This is a charming story. I think you should send it to HRH. He has written a children's story: The Old Man of Lochnagar - I think. Just one or two suggestions: put Changing of The Guard in upper - case it's better; Prince Charles of England was reading the newspapers in the hall of his residence - is better. The sun streamed brightly (not dimly) through the stained glass windows. All of a sudden is a hackneyed phrase - Suddenly .. is better. Change to the goose's head upon the label... Close quotation marks after atrocity.

I have hosted HRH and there is a courtesy convention whereby if you write about him quoting his words, a copy is sent to his office. I wrote about HRH in "Nothing Matches - But It's Home!" His Personal Secretary at the time was Tom Shebeare. That's how I know.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1.2 & 3.

ANIMALSTORIES:

Fun to read and should appeal to children with no doubt. Your stories are remarkable and so bright. Keep this standard up, because you will go a long way.

Rev Raven Scott

I think you have a good concept here, and it's a shame that you haven't been able to include the watercolors and activities that belong with it. However, I think the age level of the text is a bit young for the harshness of the message. If nothing else, I think publishers would be leery. Given the changes in society, however, and the level of violence so freely shown on television and in cartoons for the very young, I may be a bit too old fashioned to have an accurate view of the current market.

I really like the idea of these stories and I'm sure there are lots of girls that would read them with interest and pleasure. However, i think they would mostly be younger than nine (maybe they would be read aloud stories?). I also think you need to find a native English speaker who can edit them sympathetically, leaving the South American 'feel' to the language but at the same time ensuring that the english is clear and accessible for the age group.
I'm putting them on my watchlist for now.
Good luck.
Alison Tom's Daughters

THE CONCEITED GUANOCO AND FLUFFY

Patty - Children of the targetted age will love this and benefit from learning a little South American geography and culture too. The message of love and protection of animals is pitched perfectly. The animal character's names are attractive sounding and the interplay between them endearing. The hazards likely to be confronted in fostering love and protection are described with just the right pitch of violence for little minds to take in. As you asked other Authonomites for help, when necessary, given that you wrote your stories in Spanish, here are a few points: in Para 5 you mean see and not the word seem. I would suggest the word swipe with handbag rather than the word beat - having regard to your tender hearted readers. In the passage beginning: " It was getting dark.. do you mean fearless when you write furless? I am not sure about the role of liquor. Its effect on the hunters is intergral to the action though but if you could come up with local name like andean whiskey or a locally named concoction. It's just a thought. Otherwise, you are bang on the money here. I think it is best for me to read and Comment on each Chapter individually. Hasta suerte.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

I really believe children should be brought up with animals. Your stories are very much in keeping with that idea, by enabling the child to have an affinity with animals. I’m happy to back your book

Hi Patritia, I've just read two of your stories. They are really good and very easy to read. I bet the children love them? Happy to back
Keith

These are fun stories, with only the amount of danger a young audience can handle. Happy to back it for you. Thanks too for your support.
Craig
The Job: Based on a True Story (I mean, this is bound to have happened somewhere)

Hi Patricia,

I like this. I note you say in your profile that English is not your first language but, while there are occassional errors, it is better written than some native English speakers books.

I would question the length, particularly of the first story, for this age group and there are also a few rather big words for a nine-year old. But generally speaking it's fine.

Just one thing, though, Prince Charles doesn't have the title Majesty - yet. I know it's the goose's mistake and not yours, but it could result in confusion for a young child.

Ron

Literate, responsible parents are eager to buy there children any moral compass they can lay their hands on and 'be kind to animals' is close to the top of the heap - so this should be a winner. But you have edit work to do, words to delete, redundant clauses to excise, and sentence structure to correct; and watch out for the unnecessary 'that'. The final sentence in #1 is a sledge hammer, awkward, and preachy. Personally I think it could be done without entirely; the children should have gotten the point by now, and besides, some of the joy of reading comes from figuring a few things out on your own - right? Anyway, good stories [ I would be very interested in seeing the graphics and final product], I'm shelving Animal Stories on promise and wish you best of luck.
G
Einstein's Road Trip [I would like to see your take on Einstein if your time allows. Thanks]