Book Jacket

 

rank 1998
word count 22306
date submitted 27.11.2009
date updated 26.04.2010
genres: Literary Fiction, Biography, Comedy...
classification: universal
incomplete

The Lucky Bean Tree

Innes Pike

From Cinderella to Mata Hari, Stella, like her mother, breaks out of the mould cast for her by polite, colonial society.

 

After a civil war in the fictional state of Mozepwe, Stella wonders what has happened to her beloved country. She finds herself living an African ‘Gone with the Wind’ adventure. Since her husband ran off, with illicit diamonds stuffed inside the regimental tart, she has to support numerous dependants by sewing and cooking for the winning side.

Against a background of unrest and inflation, the new regime clashes with colonial diehards. The stories of three families interlink ; her intrepid parents, her strange in-laws and the eight offspring of Moses, the family retainer. Like Scarlett O’Hara, Stella has a weakness for men and the divine Dan lightens her mood.

Her blood brother, Ephraim, bids to topple the corrupt new Premier and needs Stella to spy for him, bringing her into conflict with the secret police. Dan mysteriously disappears and Stella is involved with escaping mercenaries. Her mother was the adventurer, not her. By now she is on the wanted list and must flee to England, where further dramas unfold. Her life has all gone wrong … or has it? Will Dan keep Stella or will the Colonel win her back? Like Scarlett she says, “I can think about that tomorrow”.

 
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tags

african adventure, bridge, comedy, comedy romance, diamonds, literary, romance, romance with tennis & bridge, satire, tennis

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chapter 1

It is all so different now. On the rare occasions that I visit the city almost every shop seems to have changed. Before the civil war we could buy Italian shoes, English dresses and Spanish handbags, but now my favourite department store seems to offer little but unbleached calico. And where is the Chinese family who fed my noisy tennis friends? It’s all because of that damned war.

   As the hostilities dragged on most of the frightened population upped sticks and emigrated. Some went to the old world and some tried the new. Others were killed in battle or, like my mother, simply gave up and died. But they’ve all left traces of themselves. All around I see ghosts and the main one belongs to my husband, Nic, and he’s not even dead. Be careful if you let the past into your head because it can become more real than the present. Quite honestly I prefer the past.

   I married the regulation handsome, alpha male, but almost from the altar he let me down. Nic was a career soldier who became madly excited when the civil war started. Real army people love action. It beats marching endlessly about in fancy formations. Fighting is what they’ve trained for and it gives them a glorious adrenalin rush. But day after boring day there is nothing to entertain soldiers in the bush; no television, no girls, no swimming pool and no drink, so it’s fight, eat and sleep and this is not easy if insurgents are taking pot-shots at you. During any lull the men came home to attend to their laundry, as well as other necessary comforts.

   Right at the start Nic said, ‘Don’t worry your little head, Stella. This fracas will be over quickly. The Africans have no weapons, no money and certainly no expertise. They won't last the week'. Just because I’m blonde he thinks I’m stupid and is so, so patronising.

   The Prime Minister also told us we were winning, when even I could see we weren’t. In fact the fighting went on for years because the guerrillas didn’t formally declare war but just caused trouble in remote and inaccessible areas, forcing our men to scurry from one side of the colony to the other.

   ‘The buggers just won’t be drawn into the open,’ Nic complained.

    ‘The Romans had the same trouble with the Ancient Britons,’ said my father.

   What did Nic expect - the enemy advancing behind the band of the Coldstream Guards wearing bright red tunics? ‘You’re not going to lose are you?’ I asked.

   'They’ve got the latest ground-to-air missiles from the Communists so our planes have to hedgehop to get up and corkscrew to get down. If we can't win soon its curtains. We haven’t the money to sustain a long engagement.’ He talks in this pompous, pedantic way. Soldiers can be very boring.

   ‘Sit down and talk to them then. This country’s big enough for all of us.’ You can tell I’m not cut out to be the wife of a conquering hero. If women were in charge we wouldn’t have wars. We’d have emotional talks every month.

   ‘Talk to the enemy? Are you mad, Stella? Give in to their ludicrous demands? We’d be replacing a trained bunch of first class chaps with undisciplined insurgents. I’m not standing for that.’

   What was the conflict about? Well, our lot, ‘The Master Race’, were hell-bent on defending ‘Western Christian Civilisation’, but in reality they were just swapping one self-centred, myopic regime for an even worse one. Trouble in Africa is generally about land. Scarlett O’Hara was right when she said, “Do you mean to tell me that land doesn’t mean anything to you. Why land is the only thing in the world”.

   Who should have won? The whites of course, but foreign powers weighed in on the black side, so we lost. Colonel Nic Forrester had never suffered defeat before and his familiar values were turned upside down. ‘What will the bastards do to me?’ he piteously moaned. ‘Drag me through the streets in shackles?’

   ‘It’s a pyrrhic victory,’ offered my father, who mostly speaks in Latin.

   So His Royal Highness, Colonel-in-Chief, the Queen’s own Hander-over-of-Colonies, flew in. The bands played and the flags flew high as, resplendent in uniform and medals, hands clasped behind his back, he handed us over to the chief guerrilla, Comrade Premier Mpofu. And after the show was over the prince went to bed with his mistress while her husband, Comptroller of the Royal Polo Sticks, made do with our Regimental Tart, (legs up to her armpits and a double D-cup). You have only to mention her name for every officer’s wife to leap in front of her man. If you asked her how many husbands she’d had, apart from her own, I doubt she’d really know. Remember that woman because she plays an important role in my own story.

   Guess what the defeated Nic said after the handover? ‘I’ll be winding up the Regiment most of this month so you could visit your father. I’ll drive you over at O.900 hours and then get your car serviced.’ Everything in the army has to done by the clock. It’s never, ‘we’ll leave at nineish’.

   I should have smelt a rat as Nic’s never been solicitous, but I dutifully went home to Daddy and, after we’d had enough of one another, I borrowed his old Vauxhall to drive back home again. Through the gates of the Royal Mozepwe Army Barracks, past the playing fields, the enlisted men’s quarters and on to the officers’ compound. We had the second best house as befits number two in command. There were no cars in our drive, so Nic was not there, but where on earth was our veranda furniture?

   On opening the front door I saw nothing but army-issue fittings. All our belongings had disappeared; no clothes in my wardrobe, no make-up in my drawer and no photographs of John on my dressing table. A tour of the house yielded nothing but an old sewing machine. Nic must have missed that. Had he put our effects into storage? Perhaps a new army was taking over?

   Next-door my neighbour opened the door. ‘Hi Stell, settled in all right? I hear your new house is lovely,’ said the silly woman. Through a mist I heard about the farewell party that Nic had hosted in the Officers’ Mess. Slowly, ever so slowly, it dawned on me. I’d been dumped. Nineteen years of marriage down the drain. I’d had it - no home, no car, no money and no clothes. How could Nic do this after all I’d been through? I broke down and the poor woman had to phone Jane. She’s my best friend and tells me I’m too thin. In return I pretend that she’s a natural blonde.

   ‘The bastard must have sold the lot,’ said Jane, who divides men into rats and super rats. ‘Nic expected to make brigadier didn’t he? So he just couldn’t face life as plain Mr Nobody. I bet he took the Tart with him.’

   She was absolutely right. Nic had auctioned off all of our worldly goods, including my car. He’d also cashed in our joint bank accounts and bought illicit diamonds with the proceeds. Now, as I wasn’t actually on the spot, the following story comes courtesy of my ‘friends’, who positively seemed to relish their moment.

  Nic didn't even say goodbye to his father before he and the Tart set off for the airport, ready to hightail it out of Mozepwe.

   ‘I booked the last flight,’ he told her. ‘Let’s hope the Customs have had a tiring day.’ Taking the Tart by the arm, he added, ‘Keep going girl, but act casual.’

   ‘How can I with a fortune stuffed up my insides?’ she demanded. 

   But they were out of luck. At the x-ray gates they heard, ‘please go into the first cubicle and Colonel Forrester, perhaps you could go into the other - just a formality.'

    The Tart started to cry. ‘Nic stop them.'

   'Shut up. Just shut up,' said Nic, who has an awful temper. 

   A uniformed officer, flexing her rubbery fingers, told the Tart to undress. Then each orifice was explored until a small haul of diamonds was laid triumphantly, if somewhat messily, upon the table and off they went to prison.

   The thought of ‘The Good Time That Was Had By All’ sewing mail bags pleases me a lot, but I always imagined that Nic would leave the regiment dressed in a suit, not in convict’s stripes.

   So, with no home to call my own, it was back to Daddy, at 46, Livingstone Avenue. Hurtled from my familiar world I lay awake in my solitary bed feeling as if I’d been run over. No more days of shopping, tennis and tanning by the officers’ pool. After eighteen years as a kept woman I’d have to work. When my friends were splitting up we’d hear cries of, "I’m taking him to the cleaners" and substantial settlements would follow. My divorce won’t take long as Nic’s earning power will be the ‘cigarette money’ he’ll earn in prison.

   As for those diamonds … as every one of my belongings went into their purchase, aren’t half rightfully mine? I would employ a lawyer if I had any money. What if I auctioned Nic’s sword of honour and medals. See how he likes that. As dawn broke I was still awake, wishing I was a widow, because then I might be in line for a pension.

   All night long I’d been reviewing our nineteen years together. After the wedding, in my ivory gown and line of fluttering bridesmaids, we lived in barracks, where I did try to be the perfect officer’s wife. Oh, there was much to learn. If the Brigadier wished to press himself up against me I should let him. I wanted to raise my knee but I would simper prettily.

   Nic was desperate to hurtle up the career ladder as fast as possible … when I think back to the number of courses he volunteered for. As the most advanced form of warfare seems to be Marriage he should have taken a course or two in that.

   Soon after our wedding I heard him telling his father, 'It's difficult for Stella, stuck in the barracks and not knowing anyone. I guess she's not enjoying it too much, especially as she's pregnant and pretty sick. But she’ll get over it. I know the other girls are showing her how the Army works.’

   I had to befriend the officers’ wives at the one coffee party after another, when all we had in common was the biological urge to procreate.

   But soon I had my beloved John. One day I overheard Mrs Brigadier saying, “I think Stella has fallen in love with her baby. Women who do that leave their husbands out in the cold”.  Maybe the failure of our marriage was entirely my fault. Perhaps Nic was so humiliated that he simply had to run away with someone new.

  

 

 

 

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Pia wrote 505 days ago

Dear Innes, support on your shelf still counts, I hope you can have a look at my message. Thanks, Pia

GK Stritch wrote 657 days ago

Frankly, my dear Innes Pike, The Lucky Bean Tree is lovely. Don't worry your little head about rewriting.

Backed and best.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Daniel Manning wrote 714 days ago

The Lucky Bean Tree is a good story, underpinned by humour. Nice touch that the vacuousness of the oddballs and eccentrics with indubitable colonial spirit, still have one smoothie left who can provide the luxury of a working freezer and a van now the balance of power has changed.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Ann Mynard wrote 718 days ago

Innes, I like the way the Lucky Bean Tree is growing, lightened by the comedy touches. I'll put this on my watch list to read further later. Best of Luck.
Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

CraigD wrote 721 days ago

You've written a great intertwining of the tragic and comic. Nice light touch to it all; I particularly like the classic Brit understatement from the dad. Technically the writing is strong, with only a few punctuation issues (although that may be Anglo/American differences in style.) Overall very good; it's easy to see why this is doing well here, and I'm happy to back it for you.
Craig
The Job

NA Randall wrote 722 days ago

Innes, I'm positive I read,enjoyed, backed and commented on your opening chapters a while back. I'll give you another run on my shelf to make sure. Regards.

Owen Quinn wrote 723 days ago

Great opening filled with detail and characters that you want to run with. There is a wonderful wit embedded with serious matters of life. The descriptive is very good and the whole thing plays in your head. Backed with pleasure.

Susan Bennett wrote 728 days ago

Two paragraphs in, and I already love this. The voice is authentic and effortless. I like very much that you've managed to launch the story with no preamble and that we've learned so much about the character by the end of the first paragraph. "It's all because of that damned war" tells us so much about her.

In the second paragraph, the business about the husband being a ghost without being dead is an irresistible hook. I just had to read on to get the gossip (not that I normally indulge in that sort of thing, you understand.)

By the end of the first chapter all I can say is you've got a real winner on your hands here. I love the dry humour and the use of humour to convey so much, "she tells me I'm too thin and I pretend she's a natural blonde." "As marriage seems to be the most advanced form of warfare, perhaps he should have taken a course in that." And wit is quite obviously second nature to you. I also like the subtle but potent details, so fleetingly mentioned but deceiving in that they convey so much, "A uniformed officer, flexing her rubbery fingers..." had me crossing my legs and feeling that the tart was getting her just desserts simultaneously.

This is one of the most exciting, promising works on this site. It's definitely in my top five. It's always a pleasure to come across something different, particularly when it's as well executed as this. I would happily buy this book, and I'd be happy to be able to buy this book.

If you haven't already read them, you might enjoy Jeff Lee's The Ladies Temperance Club Farewell Tour and J.G. Reynolds, Head Heart & Trousers, also on site.

Good luck with this. I sincerely hope to see it in print and enjoying the success it deserves.

teremoto wrote 732 days ago

A good premise and nicely flowing prose. We get a doses of Stella's brutal honesty - "when is war ever about an thing other than real estate", and a bit of humor and irony - how women would avert conflict with emotional talks.

Only one thought - is there a way to break up some of the telling with a bit of showing - like when Stella finds out she's been dumped?

AJB wrote 742 days ago

Really enjoying this, Innes - very well-written and there's instant sympathy for Stella. You've got a great setting for a story and the pitch promises a fascinating ride to come.

Just noticed one small typo - the 0 in 0900 hours is a capital letter O rather than a zero. Otherwise - all seems perfect!

Amanda

S Richard Betterton wrote 753 days ago

You've created a marvellous voice for Stella. Very natural, humourous, with great personality. There are some lovely exchanges. I particularly liked: Beware of crocodiles - And she's got leopard and elephant too. It's just the matter of fact way Stella talks about these, for us, completely exotic beasts. I noticed one typo in ch 1: Nic says 'Its curtains...' - needs an apostrophe. Anyway, great stuff. Backed.

toussaint wrote 754 days ago

The Lucky Bean Tree

[return backing ☼☼☼☼]

This is a fun story. Stella’s narration is humorous and cutting. My personal favourite—“the second lady’s husband” (maybe “second lady’s first husband” might be funnier?). And I wasn’t expecting the “regimental tart” from the pitch to be that kind of tart! Looking at the long pitch I can see you’ve a roller coaster ride in store for us. Just one thing, in chapter two: “never live even here”—the “even” looks out of place. Thank you for backing my book and I am backing this with pleasure.

wbnaylor wrote 762 days ago

Your story takes place in an unnamed African country makes it difficult for me to settle in. That it takes place at an undefined time - but we do know she drove a Vauxhall so we can infer that it took place in the second half of the twentieth century kept the focus loosely uncomfortabele.

For me, I need either the big picture or a compelling event to grab onto when entering a fictional world.

The more the story is "shown" (as in the diamonds scene at the x-ray cubicles) as opposed to "told" how the protag met her husband, their early marriage, makes the read that much more compelling.

I liked the idea of your story. I liked your catty sidestrokes, and I think you have lots to say but the parts of this story seemed unfocussed, for me. I wanted to see the protag in action, showing me why she was worth following, what kind of person she is and what kind of dilemmas she gets in and out of. We live in the Internet Age - readers do not give us long to hook their attention.

All of this is only my personal preference. You seem interested in learning. Why not study the opening chapters of your favorite half dozen novels.

I would like to hear back from you about my remarks. I hope they are of some use to you.

Sincerely,

Will

(Backed it, by the way. : )

Diane60 wrote 762 days ago

Innes,

Stella has a very distinct point of view and she is very cleverly drawn into the narrative.
Well written

Diane

NA Randall wrote 762 days ago

Innes,

Original, funny, and very well written. I really enjoyed reading some of your sharp-as-a-tack opening chapters. You write wondefully well here, and have created a strong narrative voice in the character of Stella to drive your story along. There's a stinging, irreverent sense of humour that shines through here ( I like the legs up to the armpits and double D cups line.) I'm sure there's a big market for something as entertaining as this. Best of luck with your writing. I'm more than happy to put you on my shelf.

Regards

NA 'A Red Sky in Morning' & 'Tales of Ordinary Sadness'

jamesmac wrote 765 days ago

I wasn't sure what to make of The Lucky Bean Tree, at the beginning Innes.
I guess I expected it to be a portrayal of a mythical African State of the imagination. But you fooled me - you showed me a very real, modern Africa. You showed me a country of vast political and economic change, a post colonial Africa that is real, and frighteningly dynamic.
Then there's Stella, forced to change her pampered, bored, and I suspect uhappy lifestyle, and survive as best she can in a hostile land.
Three chapters and I found the novel very pleasing, but also thought povoking.
Backed
James.

A. Zoomer wrote 766 days ago

Well crafted story.
Backed
A zoomer

A good tip for some - you can back any number of books, and when you take one down to make space, that book loses no points. FAQs does not make this clear.

Wilma1 wrote 768 days ago

Poor Stella life is not the way she wants it. A thoughrly amusing piece of writing great humour. Best of Luck with it.

Sue mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

carlashmore wrote 768 days ago

You had me with Cinderella to Mata Hari. Great pitch. Great prose - amusing, rich in detail and you set the scene wonderfully well. I found nothing to nitpick in the three chapters I read. You are a very skilled writer indeed.
Backed with pleasure
Carl
The Time Hunters

writingwildly wrote 770 days ago

terrific writing
backed
Genevieve

A Knight wrote 771 days ago

Oh, this is stunning. Your voice throughout is so strong and evocative, and it speaks to your reader as we follow Stella through the turmoil in her life. Fantastic work. I wish I could offer constructive crit, but everything from the tone to the technicalities satisfied me.

Backed.
Abi xxx
"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules are made to be broken." - Relic

Brian Bandell wrote 775 days ago

Your story has a strong voice the infuses the character into these pages. You do a great job of showing early on that she is in a major transition in her life. The challenges are evident and significant. In short, it has everything needed for a successful novel.

I'll back this.

Brian
Mute

cat5149 wrote 775 days ago

You're a wonderful wrriter and The Lucky Bean Tree is literary fiction at its best. I wish you the best of luck with it. Backed.

Carol

Marija F.Sullivan wrote 775 days ago

I enjoyed reading this. It's in the form of a diary, well written. Cheers,
M (Weekend Chimney Sweep)

david brett wrote 775 days ago

A piquant mixture of realism, satire, plain old comedy and scary action - very efficiently written on a pertinent theme that should take this book some distance. I liked your heroine a lot. How will it all end. Congratulations DB ALL THESE ARE MEMORIES OF MY VOYAGE

JMCornwell wrote 776 days ago

This is funny with just the right amount of wit and derring-do. Btw, it's 0900 and O.900. You definitely aren't military. ;0) Well done.

JMC

Barbara Silkstone wrote 777 days ago

Innes, I really enjoyed the read. You have an incredible amount of information to deal with. Please remember something I learned in a workshop with Stephen King ....many years ago. When telling a story imagine yourself as rushing up to a friend and saying... "You've GOT to hear this." And then tell your story as if you were talking to a friend. Make it fast and urgent and simple.

You are almost there. Lucky Bean Tree has come along way.
Good luck! Backed!

Barbara Silkstone
The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters

MarkRTrost wrote 779 days ago

I have a didactic writing style. I do not intend to chide; I hope to instruct. So hold bound / let loose and maintain a sense of proportion in your head. Take each comment and decide the weight of the words.

Thoughts while reading:

You have a nice conversational style and a great deal of wit. I enjoy that.

You have an odd style of ending your sentences with the verb. It’s jarring. Is it grammatically incorrect? I don’t know. But it stomps your pace. Pace is in the top 5 most essential elements of good writing. Verbs and adverbs shouldn’t dangle. Your plot (the action) should push the reader’s pupil toward the period. Don’t make the reader await the action.

When a writer writes a first person narrative, it makes the reader an accomplice in the action. It instantly creates a relationship between author and reader. The author takes the reader is as his confidant. But the narrator needs to be human; underdeveloped characters are cardboard cutouts. The immediacy of first person narrative makes the character and the reader comrades. The reader isn’t just observing; he’s participating.

But then here’s the problem: if we’re friends (character & reader) then you have to talk to me like your friend. So slipping into formal word choices in the middle of the narration is a misstep. First person narrative is actually a conversation. Slipping into formal words breaks the scrim of an assumed friendship and the reader sees the author as an authoritarian and the reader no longer participates; he sits in observation. Which means he disengages. I think good writing can be poetic; I think good writing can be authentic. Sometimes it can’t be both. Go for truth.

Your dialogue is affected. You use it to advance your plot; you should use it to enhance your characters. Real people don’t speak with the words you’ve selected. Here is the best advice I can offer: hear your prose aloud. Print your novel. Sit in a comfy chair. Have someone read your words to you. Do not follow along with your eyes. Your eyes have traveled the prose path so many times that your mind assumes clarity. So follow with your ears. You will hear every misstep of a badly chosen word. You’ll hear where the eye needs to rest and the mind needs to breathe. Stop. Have your reader circle the text and move on. This is particularly effective with dialogue. You’ll hear every word that does not fit into a human mouth.

I see enormous potential in your work. I hope to encourage you. This reads like a great 4th draft. It just needs to be tweaked. Now is a great time to do it. And then you’ll be ready to submit.

Good luck,
Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

JamesG wrote 780 days ago

Hi Innes,
I have read a bit of this. Firstly, I've read enough of this to know that you can write, that you have
talent and that you can probably make this publishable. Writing is about two main things for me:

how the words hang together (flow, style etc)
what the words are saying (the actual story itself)

Great writers do both very, very well. I think you do both reasonably well too. The second part can be very difficult because writers sometimes say something just for the sake of saying it, rather than squeeze their brain until a perfect gem of a phrase comes out, that a reader will read and think "cool, that's pretty darn cool."

Some suggestions/notes:

First line doesn't work - "On the odd occasion I visit the city it is to find almost every shop changed" - the "It is to find" bit is awful
it should probably read something like "on the odd occasion I visit the city, almost every shop has changed."
simply gave up and died - this is actually kind of funny, people don't give up and die, surely they kind of fade and wane and their soul drains away, then they die?
I know what you were getting at here, but you've got to choose the right words.
past becoming more real than the present - this is great!
be wary of asking questions in your narration - the question about the chinese in the 1st paragraph is
fine, because you (the 1st person narrator) don't know the answer. So you're kind of speculating with the reader...
The second question is "hadn't he fought in vietnam and got a medal to prove it?" - I don't bloody know,
I'm the reader, why are you asking me when you already know. Don't ask silly questions!
the third question is fine because you answer it straight away and it holds the conversational, engaging
feel with the reader "What was the conflict about? Trouble in Africa is generally about land.
"Creature comforts" - cliche

I think you need to cut this back a little. Sometimes when readers see a wall of text/exposition, it can scare them. If they start reading that wall
of text and it isn't 100% perfect, they'll stick at it for a while and maybe even make it to the 2nd or 3rd wall of text before giving up.
You should make a summary of points about your chapter, what are you trying to say, what must you say and then try to cut out some of the more waffly bits.

Hopefully some of this helps Innes, please feel free to ignore my comments if you don't agree with them because you can't (and shouldn't)
listen to everyone. I can really see that you're a blossoming writer, there isn't a lot to be done to this manuscript, but it does need
a little chopping and polishing. It probably needs another real push and redraft and polish.

I'm backing this for the potential I see in it and for some of the real quality already there.

Regards,

James

A MAN IN GREY SHOES

SusieGulick wrote 783 days ago

Dear Innes, Since I have already backed & commented on your book, I will now put you on my watchlist to help your book advance more. Thank you for backing "He Loves Me." :) To help mine advance, would you please back & comment on my edited version? "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." Ever so grateful, Susie :)

Was "heals" in He Loves Me? Chapter #? I can't find it. Thanks for your help. :)

SusieGulick wrote 783 days ago

Dear Innes, Since I have already backed & commented on your book, I will now put you on my watchlist to help your book advance more. Thank you for backing "He Loves Me." :) To help mine advance, would you please back & comment on my edited version? "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." Ever so grateful, Susie :)

SusieGulick wrote 784 days ago

Dear Innes, Literary-fiction, thriller, & romance - what a mix! :) I love that. Your story is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm BACKING/COMMENTING on your book to help advance it. :) PLEASE take a moment to BACK/COMMENT on my TWO Books, ... "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" ... and the UNEDITED version? ... "Tell Me True Love Stories"
Thanks, Susie :)

mikegilli wrote 786 days ago

This seems better than ever. Stella is excellent and
highly entertaining,. All the best to you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,mikegilli The Free

lookinup wrote 789 days ago

Your pitch, in my opinion, was one of the best on the site. Maybe the back story could be drummed up a bit more but the writing is good.

Catherine (The Golden Thread)

Cully wrote 790 days ago

This is very good writing. The only suggestion I would make is to go from the general to the specific. RIght now what's going on has to be inferred by the reader rather than the story / work showing us what's going on. We know there's a war, but we're not sure with whom. We know what we 'could' buy before the war, but we don't know the Spanish or English or Chinese people who were maybe selling us these things. If you have specific people (they don't have to necessarily be named, as they can almost be caricatures), if you have a specific battle or war, we get immediate context. But the details when you present them are presented very well, and it's absolutely an interesting read.

Cully

D. Regan wrote 792 days ago

I like your story and will back it. I do think the first sentence is a bit awkward. The period is outside the quotations of the Scarlet O'Hara quote. Missing quotations after, emotional talks. I love visit with father, "until we had enough of one another." Great way to characterize their relationship.
Good job.
D.

D. Regan wrote 792 days ago

Just started reading. I love, "almost from the alter, he let me down,"
D.

Jessica L Degarmo wrote 793 days ago

I admit to being a little confused as to what time period this took place in. In one breath, department stores and BMWs were mentioned, and in another, plain calico. However, even with my confusion, I think that this is an interesting story and I think you have written it well. Best of luck to you.

Sumarus wrote 794 days ago

Great voice and style, believable characters, poignant pitch and plot. This is definitely worth reading.
Backed

Bobby
Dented Sensation

George Fripley wrote 799 days ago

So far so good...not real issuies with this...backed

George Fripley

(wurzel of Clutton)

Steve Merrill wrote 799 days ago

You've created a wonderful style and narrative voice. I jumped about chapter to chapter and you managed to maintain it throughout the book, which shows your writer's skill. Strong writing, and a strong, interesting main character in Stella.

Eileen Schuh wrote 799 days ago

I'm sorry. I wasn't able to get into your story. I felt right from the beginning that you were out to teach me a lesson about colonization --when all I wanted was to be entertained. Perhaps a deeper emotional rapport with your main character in Chapter 1 would spice things up enough to entice me to read further.

Good luck with THE LUCKY BEAN TREE.

Eileen Schuh Canadian Author FIREWALLS

Alecia Stone wrote 799 days ago

Hi Innes,

I already backed the book but have returned to comment.

This is very well written. Good sentence structure and pacing. It is fluid and easy to read. Well crafted characters and tight dialogue. Wonderful vivid descriptions. It was a joy to read.

Shinzy :)

Burgio wrote 801 days ago

This is a fun book to read because of the engaging writing style. Stella, like her counterpart Scarlet O'Hara, makes a good heroine. Like the way you "set scenes" with minimal description. Just enough to let your reader know where we are; not so much it bogs down the story. Good going. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Ideas Man PhD wrote 802 days ago

I added your book to my "watchlist" --- I like how you situate the description from within a concrete perspective. This gives the writing a presentness that can often be lost amidst the scenery.

MiniMePom wrote 802 days ago

Nice voice, good plot. I like the setting as well. Africa is a fascinating place to read about and this book brings it to life. Backed.

kathrynroberts wrote 802 days ago

I like your writing syle, very fun to read, and interesting. Great characters. Thanks for allowing me to read it.

Kathryn Roberts
FATE

DDickson wrote 803 days ago

Hello – I like to comment as if I was reading your book in a shop or library, just making notes as I go along. I hope this is Ok for you, it works for me and it is fun

The Lucky Bean Tree

I love the cover. The pitches were intriguing and left me a bit unsure what sort of a read this would be. Is it light hearted, is it serious, can’t decide. I wonder if that was your intention, if it was it worked well – if it wasn’t – it worked well!

I enjoyed the start but the third para felt a bit confused to me. I see the POV but the way that it referenced the soldiers seemed disjointed (sorry I can’t be more explicit)

You’re dialogue is realistic and clear it is still a little confused though in the prose sections.

Love your reference to the Queens’ hander over of colonies – brilliant lines there

This is a super story, I think that the problem is that writing it in the first person is so very difficult and it doesn’t always seem to work here. I think that you nearly have it and it is so good it is really well worth carrying on with. I wanted to know how the heroin, knew what was said in the Airport between her husband and “The Tart” was she told by someone else, is she guessing (do you see what I am getting at here, I’m afraid I am being very inarticulate and I am really trying to be helpful)

Good line at the end of the first chapter.

This is really fascinating stuff – I am going to back it, I do think that it needs work but I am very impressed with it. I like the laconic – matter of fact way that you tell this tale and wish you the very best of luck with it.



DKTD1 wrote 804 days ago

Lots of sarcastic wit sprinkled in here. I love that.

Writing is good and with a real edge.

Shelved.
Dan-
Eunice Stubbins, among others...

lizjrnm wrote 804 days ago

This is absloutely splendid writing! You have a gift for descriptive narration and the dialogue is spot on! BACKED!

Liz
The Cheech Room

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