Growing Up WEREWOLF!

I like the foreshadowing at the beginning of this with lines such as, "There's something about a full moon that brings out the wolf in a man" and "And they were delicious, every one of them."

The premise is unfolding nicely. I like that her brother is a secret agent. It adds another element to an already intriguing plot.

Great ending to the first chapter. I'm curious to see what she does next with Quinn. Great job creating intrigue.

Suggestions: The sentence "The automatic doors were open..." didn't flow right to me. I'd consider rewording. I'd reword to avoid the repetition of "forward in the sentence starting, "It was evident..." I'd reword to: "Something about his words caught her attention." Even though she doubts her brother's story, the disbelief doesn't seem grand enough. I would imagine her finding the idea completely ridiculous and acting as such.

Typos: "good-naturedly" should be hyphenated. Should be: "roaming." Should be: "I've got to stop looking at those lights." Leine went back to her paperwork. In fact, you have a few issues with punctuation in dialogue. Another: "Right now, puzzled," she replied. Missing letter, I think, in, "Patty came up a that time."

This is a solid start. With a bit of polish, it will be even stronger. Best of luck with your novel!

I forget why this book was on my watch-list, but I'm very glad it was. Just a short way in, and I forgot I was reviewing, and was just reading. A gripping story, and the writing skilled enough that it faded into the background while the story played out. Very well done indeed.
Your pitch is not good - too many complexities. Best to leave a bit out, and make it more simple.
This story to be backed.
Marj.

I just finished reading your book—I loved it! You need to post more on here. You have a great story here. I just have one recommendation: run spell check on it. I noticed some misspelled words that I didn't send to you. I just sent the ones I noticed that spell check wouldn't catch. Best of luck with this. I would love to have it in my library some day!

Mandi Oyster
Dacia Wolf & the Prophecy

Hi Linda, There’s no cover-up about this, the werewolf being born in a hospital! The dialogue feels natural and Leine’s role is very normal. I suppose the baby with the curse would usually have been born in utter privacy. The dimension of reality comes into this and makes it more bizarre in a way. Good pace and action writing. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Good pitch, i love werewolves and am always looking for a fresh angle and this is quite good. the opening with the baby snatching is well played and the prescence of the werewolf is there right from the beginning. The imagery is good and the writing fluid. backed with pleasure.

Linda: awesome short pitch; it sold me. The long was good as well. The only niggle I had was in that last sentence of the last paragraph. Drop it and reframe it as a question. You want to compell your casual reader to turn the pages. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Dear Linda, I love science fiction (my favorite Teminator) - anything the is unreal really helps to escape into another world which you have managed to do in your book. I was prepared to read your book after reading your recap. :) Your story is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end my illness/6th abusive husband, now. Thanks, Susie :)

This is a good story; certainly not your average coming of age one. You have a good character in Leine. She's both likable and sympathetic because of the way she tries to rescue Quinn even in light of the drastic steps she takes later to protect him. A big plus of this is the ominous tone you've woven into it from the moment Quinn is born; makes a reader keep turning pages to see how all of this will play out. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Great start with the werewolf legend out in the open right from the start. The rejection of the pregnancy is well handled and you can feel the disbelieving air from the others. the dialogue is believable and the story starts with a bang. good that you jump right in and not drag it out like some would do. Very well done.

This is a weird mix of brilliant and mundane. I love lines like "There's something about a full moon that brings out the wolf in a man" that both comment on the character and foreshadow coming events.

On the other hand, there seems to be too much exposition, even if it is hidden in dialogue. I probably wouldn't get past paragraph 8 if I picked this up in a shop. "I've got to stop looking at those lights.. I'm getting sleepy and that's not a good thing. When I get off work, I'm going to visit my brother and his wife, see how they're doing, then go home." Show us that she's getting sleepy. eg show the clock swimming out of focus. If you have to use exposition, then at least show us why being sleepy isn't a good thing. What happened last time?

At my writing group last week, a journalist pointed out that starting an article with dialogue was dangerous and should only be done if it was so impactful that no other words would work as well. I hadn't thought about it before, but I got up and started pulling books off shelves and couldn't find even one that opened with dialogue. You might want to consider that advice too.

Werewolves and vampires are back, so you are in the right genre, but with lots of competition.
Yours is as good as any i have read in this genre on this site.

BACKED

Tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sloooooooooooooow! You need to pace the first chapter up a bit.

Growing up WEREWOLF!

Hi Linda,

Interesting idea, we have so many vampires around us at the moment, it is time werewolves had an outing. You begin the story quickly showing us the legend that the woman is so petrified about. I always thought that werewolves begat werewolves through a bite, I didn't know that a Gypsy curse could invoke one. My thoughts on improvements are around a much tighter focus on the action in this first chapter, the leisurely telling of the tale of the curse doesn't seem to quite fit the urgent scene of the delivery suite. The chapter ends with a good hook, the baby swap and then her flight although I am not sure completely what are Leine's motivations to do this. Interesting premise however and happy to support. You might want to think about tagging this horror and fantasy unless there is some large sci-fi element later, I didn't think werewolves were fantasy.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)