Justice of the Heart

An amusing, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Hi,

As someone who has spent a career in the nonprofit sector, I was drawn to your story. I also was intrigued by the narrator's obsession with Jane, wondering where it will go, especially as they drift further apart in terms of their politics.

A couple of comments. I noticed several redundancies - less well endowed and less fortunate, corporate business. In your paragraph starting with "I intended to argue cases," you say essentially the same thing several times. I'm a fan of simplicity, unless more elaboration serves the story. Just my two cents. You've got a really good story here,and I'm starring for you. And thanks again for backing Animal Cracker.

Raymond,
You have a compelling look into the legal profession in Justice of the Heart. I like Benjamin Thicket's portrayal as a young lawyer with principles and only wish all lawyers had the same values. He just happens to come across a sum of six million dollars which one of his cases earns him. It couldn't come to a more deserving lawyer. I think the whole profession has come under disapproval by the public who have seen dishonorable practices by some famous lawyers representing clients in high-profile cases. This fictional account presents a lawyer I would want to know personally who didn't set out to become very wealthy, but happened to come across a very lucrative case in his everyday activities of pursuing the legal profession.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Very well written, it is a pleasure to back this book 100% of the way!

Best of luck, and keep doing what you do,

SL

"Law school." "Law club." I started to enjoy the Laws. I was hoping there was a Law holiday. Law game. Law friends

An amusing, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Good stuff.
The writing flows very easily and I found the dialogue very comfortable. So often, it can ring false but yours strikes me as utterly believable.
Tiny nitpic - I don't believe you'd use quotation marks on the likes of 'hardhat' as it's not a quote. Single would be more suitable, although I'm not sure you need them at all.

Starred and backed.
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Hi Raymond :-) Have starred this. It's not my normal sort of read but I did enjoy it. I think the opening could be a lot stronger though, more action of some sort, some kind of indication of the plot right at the start to interest the reader. Your POV needs a little work as it switches around a little bit which can be confusing and disrupt the flow of the story. Great characters.
Good luck with this :-)
Tammy Robinson

Hi Raymond, I'm enjoying the read, particularly as it is a genre that I often choose. Ben is a lawyer that one cannot help but admire and respect. The relaxed and informal tone means that even though as a reader I am absorbing a lot of information, it is easy to follow. I have rated your book highly and have placed it on my bookshelf. Good luck on your climb to the ED. Maria :)
PS You may want to check section 8 of chapter 1 because there are some sentences missing in the first and third paragraph.

Well I can say with hand on heart that this is the best opening I have read so far. It moves well and is clear in its intent. The only one problem I have, if anything, is the length of sentences and the lack of commas. I find that occasionally POV tend to run into each other at great speed, whereas with the odd comma properly placed, it would slow down matters, and drive home the point much more thoroughly. Otherwise entertaining, uplifting, and interesting - shelved - Wilfred (He Was a Most Peculiar Man)

Hi Raymond, read and appreciated your profile...would love for you to read my own little epic. It's an historically based tale on the life of author Jack London and his second wife, Charmian. Having been in the movie business professionally for over thirty years, I'm unafraid of honest critique...I'm diving into the novel world for the first time, could use all the help I can get. So rip me up all you like, I can only become better for it. :-)

Meantime, placing your work on my Watch List...looking forward to reading.

Sincerely,
Jim

Raymond,
You have a compelling look into the legal profession in Justice of the Heart. I like Benjamin Thicket's portrayal as a young lawyer with principles and only wish all lawyers had the same values. He just happens to come across a sum of six million dollars which one of his cases earns him. It couldn't come to a more deserving lawyer. I think the whole profession has come under disapproval by the public who have seen dishonorable practices by some famous lawyers representing clients in high-profile cases. This fictional account presents a lawyer I would want to know personally who didn't set out to become very wealthy, but happened to come across a very lucrative case in his everyday activities of pursuing the legal profession.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Hi,

As someone who has spent a career in the nonprofit sector, I was drawn to your story. I also was intrigued by the narrator's obsession with Jane, wondering where it will go, especially as they drift further apart in terms of their politics.

A couple of comments. I noticed several redundancies - less well endowed and less fortunate, corporate business. In your paragraph starting with "I intended to argue cases," you say essentially the same thing several times. I'm a fan of simplicity, unless more elaboration serves the story. Just my two cents. You've got a really good story here,and I'm starring for you. And thanks again for backing Animal Cracker.

Hi Raymond,

I'm here to peek at your book and leave a few thoughts. I'll leave my thoughts on the sections of chapter 1 as I read through. :)

1: short and to the point. Something's going on, but I dont know what yet. I want to read on.

2: Brief background. I liked the little contraception dig. ;)

3 We see Benjamin's got principles. A lawyer with principles? We're definitely on his side!

I'll stop listing by sections now, as there are quite a lot of them and it'll make my comment v long. We see Ben falling for Jane, with the wheels of justice grinding on. I wonder, will he be able to keep his principles? Or will the job/Jane force him to betray his beliefs? Hmmm interesting.

I think you've done a difficult thing here. You've managed to make the law readable and understandable to thickos like myself. + you've managed to introduce a romantic element into a setting I never could have imagined it fitting. :)

I do think your story could be even more involving, though, if you tried to show more rather than telling. eg "Benjamin Thickett noticed that Jane Bower was paying unusual attetions to him" is telling the reader what's going on. It's a bit like lecturing, and can be uninvolving for the audience. Something like "Jane chewed on her nails, eyes glues to Benjamin." shows us she's intent on him, and gets the reader involved in what's going on. The reader can infer something's up. This sort of approach to writing can really bring stories out.

Anway, that's just my opinion, so feel free to ignore me if you think I'm wrong. :)

I think this is is a good and unusual read. With a bit of polishing, I hope an agent will take notice of it. I'm happy to give this lot of stars. I do hope you get it published. ;)

Best of luck with your writing,

Pete

BACKED because my dear friend Orlando the supposedly Furiouso, i.e. insane, is a heart a softie and loves a happy ending. Though I refuse to be it. Good luck!

Ch 1
It's all there in the frist six graphs which flow effortlessly without a single word out of place. In some ways it is all too perfect with the classic might vs right issue clearly set out. And we of course know that BT will triumph. I cld not help remembering a film called BREAKING AWAY. I seem to recally it is about a small town cycling team. They are in awe when some professional hot shot Italian team strom through town. Yet of course they end up beating them. It's David n Goliath all over again. But that is no criticism because I remember that film with great fondness. Richard Nixon was your typical bad ass big shot lawyer. We might find him interesting because of his flaws, but no one loves him. I sense we can all love BT and want to be in his shoes as he wins the stuck up JB. In reality a JB wld never go for BT and if she did he wld end up as a bitter drunk, their love wld die, he wld beat her, and she wld shoot him. But we need dreams.

Pitch
Your gambit reads like a film scenario. There is a moral thread and a happy ending. Pure feelgood. Normally we are suspicious of lawyers for being sharks, or admire them for being steely, emotionally repressed avenging angels. The really human ones seem to end up dead, Easy Rider drunks. But they are endlessly fascinating. In real life they want to win at all costs normally. So there is a sort of Dickensian sentiment about the loser coming out on top. How can we not smile? I have to read more, if only to see how your lawyer hero measure up to Mr.Jaggers.

From one of the little people, I like your writing style. A simple tale of complex relationships. I would like to get your opinion on "Just Out of Sight". I hope to make your bookshelf soon.
Craig (Bandof1)

Ray,

This is a good book. I am shocked it has not gotten better support but then again I realize you do not push your stuff that hard. Damn witty dialogue, you have good understanding of / ability to describe law.

I like the "underdog" theme of your characters. Average people. I tend to use them myself in my stories. I like stories about "real" people who do extraordinary things.

I had no problem with the narratives switching. Found it interesting frankly. I think this is more of a personal preference than an industry standard that must be adhered to anymore. Just saying...

The actual case itself was interesting. Being a law buff from the Mason days, I've been interested in hearing a good legal fight. The ultimate warrior's battle of wits, tactics and details.

As for the writing itself. You have a nice ability to describe characters, you throw in a little humor, real life things with detail and plot a good read. Essentially, you're a good writer. I feel a lot better knowing you have backed my books in the past. Makes me feel good to know someone with such a skill has done that.

All in all. This one gets five stars, w-listed and will back when cycle permits.

Well, I’m really glad I’ve read “Justice of the Heart” till the end. This is a well-crafted story with twists and turns, and an excellent knowledge of law and law cases.
I loved part 17 with the ephemeral dreaminess – intermission’s good for any story. An intriguing twist in part 18 with the lottery-guy, although I’d rather you didn’t mention about the reward in the pitch – it would be much more enjoyable to learn about it in the process of reading.
A few unfinished sentences, like in part 8 the ending of the 3rd sentence “… He had to research the precedents of …” (what?), and the same stuff with the ending of paragraph 3, by no means spoil the overall positive impression.
Impressed on the whole, and particularly delighted with a ‘happily-ever-after’ ending. Star rated.

Ivan Amberlake (“The Beholder”)

And which book would you recommend me to read? Which is the best?

A good short story, and well told, but I wonder how it would be expanded into a short novel. There is plenty of room for expansion, more dialogue to make it seem more immediate, more description, more emotion, as at the moment it seems a little of a dispassionate recounting of events. A good story, which required you to know something of court procedure. Minor nits, Ch 3, 'took on more serious hews' to 'hew' is to chop timber or such. You might mean hue, as in colour or atmosphere. Also the word 'gotten.' In my part of the world it is viewed as not a word, and a sign of ignorance to use it. Since being on Authonomy, I've discovered in other parts of the world it is acceptable. Up to you. Backed, Marj.

This very original story - novella? - is compounded of odd mixtures, not just of tenses, but of style and presentation, genre, and much more. To begin with, is Benjamin Thickett a safe sort of name for a serious and intelligent lawyer? Is he hero or protagonist, or just Main Character, an allegory, representing a political legal stance? Does Jane ever become more than a parallel but opposing force, with no more than a pretence of romance, having no realisable character? Her sudden darts at Ben, and final bed-sharing, have a ring of design, and don't convince me of warmth and uncontrollable attraction. And are we in some imaginary country, is it a sort-of-USA, or, as I guess from your profile, an Australian State? Despite the weather, It feels too anonymous and remote.
All these strictures, I'm afraid, will have to be confronted, because I fear that, while the writing and the plot are so engaging, an editor would worry as well.
David Grant,
Pompey Chimes

Raymond,
The subject is deep and thoughtful. Clearly written with intelligence and insight into this area. It flows well and written in the first person helps this. A treat to read.

Backed.

Best of luck
Marilyn

I have to agree with Eurodan here. Mixing the third person and first person narrative is confusing for the reader. I see potential in the narrative like a diamond in the rough. I find the key to adding back story is the later the better. You need to hook the reader first and make them interested in the characters before telling us about them. I waited till the second chapter before I started introducing the back story and I interspersed it with action. Your pitch is really well done, all you have to do is make the
opening paragraphs reflect it a little more closely. Best wishes,
Daniel

The opening lines are the most important…readers/agents would stop if they are overdone. You are “telling” the reader what’s going on…try showing.
If you gonna write in first person you can’t start in third.
“My name is Benjamin Thicket. I was actively searching through the pages for the right answer when the feeling of being watched made look up. Jane Bower’s eyes were set on me. So, uncharacteristic, I thought. I had known her since Law Scholl, where she’s been the most popular girl. Cotton cool, they called her. In four years she seamed not to have any time for me—much too busy fending off courting from every male in their class. Her target had been Otis Blacker. Not surprisingly with every thing he had going for him.”
I’m not saying that you should use my words. The book MUST be in your voice, but too many details, told to reader too early into to story, might take him away.
Your first 3 chapters are narration heavy with too much backstory. That could come up later…preferably in dialogue or internal dialogue.
Ch 4 gives some dialogue but still flashbacks and Ch 5 takes the reader back to the all “tell” no “show” author’s voice. Ch 12 throws a few bones again (a few dialogue line) but your main stay so far is you (the author) telling the reader about the past. Even in first person is slow and doesn’t grab.
You better find a way to bring reader into present time and stop the backstory of you’ll lose the reader.
You have a wealth of info you’re dumping on reader. The full 20 chapters, short as they are, don’t advance the story. Looks to me like you could start with Ch 21 and use the info from preceding chapters only when and if needed.
From 21 on the story has a pace but most readers won’t wait that long.
The voice is good and the knowledge of law comes through.
Right now you start in present and them switch to past. I would advise against it.
Maybe do a short (and I mean short) beginning with the past and from the moment you introduce her move and stay in the present.
I’m backing it on the strength of legal knowledge.

Hi Raymond,
I read chapter one and really enjoyed reading about life at the law firm, the various cases etc. The explanation proffered for the lottery wins was truly remarkable. Very enjoyable, so backed with pleasure.
best wishes and good luck,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

"I shall outline several of my legal cases...." The voice sets a consistent presentation until the previous quote. A suggestion is to maintain a strong first person presentation without a preview that might break the flow. The storyline is wonderful. Backed. Chuck

One has to sympathise with the ideals of Benjamin, and also share his satisfaction at bringing about solutions to the problems of families and individuals. He's a very earnest young man, and the cases he relates make engrossing sub-stories and offer insights into the legal process. Also into the theatrics, 'he spat and fumed and seemed personally insulted to be in the same room with such a low creature'. The lottery case is particularly intriguing and has a satisfactory outcome. Meanwhile, the distance between Benjamin and Jane has also diminished to the point where romance is definitely on the cards. A very different novel with many interesting twists ... backed.

Possible nits: 'otherwise loose [lose] by default'. 'as their father's [fathers] had been'. 'my sense of self-respect for myself', omit last 2 words. 'my associates['] advise [advice]'. Early on, the tense seems a bit mixed up, 'Benjamin Thicket noticed' (past - 3rd person), 'He reflects' (present), 'She had been' (past), 'I remember', (present - 1st person).

I enjoyed read this very much and am happy to back it.

Carol

Hi Raymond, I backed your book because you write well, but I found it a chore to keep my interest up for very long reading your books. Maybe it's just not my genre, but I found them dull. No-one likes to hear that, but sometimes it needs to be said so the author can learn from it. Good luck to you . . . Bud

An entertaining and well crafted story. Smooth, convincing and reads easily with good pacing.
Jane

Backed with great pleasure. William Hatchett

Good writing. Zips along. Backed!

William Hatchett

You provide us a poignant story with an intelligent, thought provoking plot and fascinating characters. Rich imagery. Polished, fast paced writing. Backed.

Very well written, it is a pleasure to back this book 100% of the way!

Best of luck, and keep doing what you do,

SL

Justice of the Heart - The chapters move at a fast pace. I was wondering if it might need some character descriptions especially for Benjamin and Jane. (Though that might be just me wanting that descriptive vivid picture of people.) Gladly already backed.

Best of luck to you, Raymond!

:-) Summer D'Vine - Blood of Summer, Shed for You

Hi Raymond

I enjoyed this. I like your matter-of-fact style, your subject matter and your characters. Benjamin is very sympathetic. I also admire your confidence and grasp of your material in not trying to stretch the idea out to more than its natural length just to make it more commercial. Kudos to you. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

I love this book! If I were an agent Id be dialing your number right now! This is a funny, intelligent read that you need to hurry and get published so I could take it on holiday with me in August! :) backed with pleasure!!

Liz
The Cheech Room

This is excellent - intelligent with crisp dialogue and intriguing characters! Back with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hi Raymond, firstly, thank you for backing LONDON. Secondly, enjoyed your premise, and enjoying your terrific narrative flow! Nicely done! Backed.

blessings,
jim

I liked Benjamin's character, and his moral compass. This is an interesting book, with wit sprinkled in at the right moments. I think I would have introduced dialogue sooner, and spread out some of the background info a bit more, but it's still an enjoyable read! Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

I am backing this book on the strength of the read which I found impressive enough to back. The problem is that while my Talent spotter ranking sank below one hundred I have been inundated with requests to read. If you require detailed comments please message me otherwise I was proud to back you and will watch with interest. Cheers for now. BACKED.

Raymond,
Thank you for backing my book,
I LIKED THE PITCH FOR YOUR BOOK SO I''M backing it
Njoyed
*Moods and expressions *

I found this compulsive reading and a clear insight in to a world of which I know nothing about. However, at least on this site, it might be better if the content was split into smaller pieces; making it much easier to read on-line. I also wonder if the reading public in general - remembering the age in which we live wants, crash-bang action, instant solutions and 'don't have to think about' plots. In otherwords I wonder, despite it being such a good tale, with interesting characters, if it would prove a commercial enough project to publishers and or agents. Personally I liked it and want to discover what happens next. So maybe what I've just written is wrong - I hope so and wish you luck. I have backed the book for the enjoyment and knowledge I gained from reading it.

Colorful writing great characters.
Great plot. Well thought.
Certainly a story with a moral.
Good Luck!
Backed!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Witty, intelligent, conscious - and greatly entertaining!

My complements on your superb writing!

Backed with true pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Raymond, Who would believe a bunch of dry legal cases could make a story, but you've done it and done so beautifully. I read all 20 chapters of 'Part One' of Justice of the Heart and wish I could finish it. Have you ever read Neville Shute? Your voice reminds me of him and it's high praise indeed.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

I've just read 1-13 of chapter one. A good read from a meaty writer with a delightful sense of humor. Your section conclusions are excellent and hit the right notes. I think it might be worth the time to rework section 7. I felt like it was an important set-up for the later court scene, but it seemed to lack the punch that would stage that court scene perfectly. Fairly frequently there are run-on sentences that required a re-read to make sure I was getting it right. You might want to think about parsing some of those down. While the detail is not usually to my liking, I kept hearing Bogart's voice-over and the tap, tap, tapping of film noir. I'll keep reading. Thanks for the fun so far!

This is not what I expected it to be at all. It was interesting being written from the lawyers point of view, wanting to do right. Benjimin is is likeable charachter who you would expect to be nieve but he is strangely astute. Nice dialouge look out for the pitfalls of the slow down words like had that was. Happy to cack it good luck
sue ( Wilma1)
Knowing Liam Riley - I hope you enjoy it

Dear Raymond,
I know I have already commented on your book some time ago and just completed my read now. I just wanted to say congrats on it. I cannot find the backing I did on it,and you know this is too good a book to just leave it to the wind. I am so glad I crossed over tou your genre when I did as I can back your work on talent and skill, and now content. CONGRATS.
BACKED for sure by me
I do hope you can cross over to my genre and review my book, please comment ( this assists me in honing my skill) and if you feel, back it.
Thanks and BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR BOOK
Denise
The Letter

You are totally fantastic, Raymond! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

I'd have a look at your opening chapter on this one. The mixed tenses are confusing as are the the use of speech marks for one piece of interneal contemplation and then not using them for the rest of the occasional narrator's thoughts. Opening with a paragraph that is potentially confusing riskd losing number of readers up front.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

You have a good story line, but beware of an over-use of "had" - do a search and you will see it in use far too often. Otherwise I am happy to back this. Colin