Pascual's Birthday

WOW. Chapter 2 brought tears to my eyes. Expertly written story. I am going to have to find a place on my shelf.

This book and I are old friends. I read it when it first appeared on the site and was captivated by the quality of the writing and the message it conveyed. I've recently re-read all the chapters available here and my opinion hasn't changed: one of the best books I've read on this site and i'm amazed it isn't yet in print. A stunning piece of work by a richly talented writer. On my shelf with admiration.
Jake

Pascual's Birthday

You need to read this book. It teaches you strong and important things about the world, both of writing and of human hearts. First there is the economical use of words, the deep respect for the reader's intelligence and sheer simplicity of the dialogue. But look deeper into the flat mirror of this story and feel the pain of a life at its end, of loneliness and loss, of regret and joy. Bitter-sweet, elegaic, certainly, but full of hope too. Reminiscent for me of Captain Corelli's Mandolin in its human interest exposition of the past and suffused with the sadness of a special life almost over, it shines with the Mediterreanean sun. Of lemons, grapes, small boys and mopeds, whatever it is Diana's writing brings it to life, and history too.

This book should be published, that it hasn't made it to the desk yet simply reflects the ridiculous shenanigans that go on on this site day to day. Read it, savour it, learn from it. When it becomes an e-book published from this site I will read it on my Kindle, today is Saturday, that is certain and this book needs to be read, that's as certain too.

Pascual is everyone's tragic figure, a wise old man with a glorious, painful, mysterious and intriguing past. Let him tell you his story, straight into your heart. I defy you not to enjoy this story.

Best wishes - Andrew W
(Benevolence)

Take hold of the author’s hand and be led through scenes exquisitely laid out, past lives and lifetimes beautifully measured. Pascual’s Birthday glows with love and sadness. Top drawer stuff. One of my favourite Authonomy reads.

I cam e across a recommendation for this book in the forum, and its backers are not wrong - this is a beautifully written and well told story. Simple, stunning, moving with huge commercial appeal (note to any publishers/agents trawling the site).

Good luck!

Karen
The Kid: A True Story of Cocaine, Corruption, Deceit and Betrayal

Hi Diana
Thank you writing such a wonderful book and you well deserve your high ranking. Your writing is so beautiful and concise; the book is so easy to read and tells a fascinating and heart rendering story. I will defintely keep this on my watchlist and put on my shelf as soon as possible. Great job.

Blessings, Joy

Hi Diana,
Finally got to your book and read the first chapter. Of everything, I loved your opening the most. I could almost see and smell and feel those lemons. Your description is wonderful--I could almost see what was occuring. Very nice.
Noelle J. Alabaster "Dark Origins"

I've only read the first four chapters, but I'm already in love with Pascual's Birthday. Your writing is absolutely beautiful. Your characters are well-rounded and lovable, your descriptions are rich and detailed. I will be back to read more when I have time. Great job!

'Pascual's Birthday'
I prefer the new cover, very strong image. Your story goes from strength to strength. It is great to see a novel evolve gradually. This much mis-understood period of history which still pains many people is dealt with fairly and sensitively here in my opinion. Yes, you may step on some toes but I feel there is much to learn about how societies operate, how families and friendships can be split and how core human values are all that matters.
As to the quality of the writing, this is a high quality novel that has been polished to publishing perfection. I would love to see a cinematic version of this - a real tear-jerker that would be. On my shelf until its inevitable medal. Nice work, Diana.
Nick
'Where She Lies'

I've read Chapter One and I honestly can't think of a thing to criticize. For me, this is rare. Definitely rating 6 stars, and I will add to my Bookshelf in the next shuffle. I sincerely wish you best of luck with this on the ED! It's poignant, beautifully written and very smooth-paced. I think it's important for a book to be written about the Spanish Civil War, showing the very human effects of that war. That is an often-neglected area of history. The only thing I can nitpick on is the formatting - sometimes you have indents and sometimes you don't. This is a little distracting. Or are the indents there for a purpose? Even so, a fantastic read! Well done!

Also, thank you for backing Tamria!

The Spanish Civil War has been neglected in the English Speaking world, and I think your book is a nice introduction to it, and with a neutral story line of someone just trying to find out his own past as boy.

But be careful, some of the writing could provoke comment in Spain, where they are still incredibly touchy about the war and the past, as shown by the current court case against the Judge who tried to reopen some Civil war cases for investigation, just to find out what went on and to find the bodies to return to the families as some sort of closure.

It turned into a human rights/ war crimes case and is so far getting the Judge suspended and possibly jailed and struck off as a lawyer.

So be careful your book isn't used to criticise you on any possible misinterpretation, or in case someone just wants to make something up to have a go at you about the War.

Very good writing, and great story too!! High rating and many blessings!! Lacy

Dear Diana,

This is absolutely one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read. I stopped taking notes after the first few paragraphs, as I soon realized your gifted storytelling had transported me to another time, another place. This piece is authentic, rich, and deeply moving. It is truly literature of the highest caliber. Giving you all 6 stars. I am holding 'Pascual's Birthday on my WL, and I will be honored to place this masterpiece on my shelf as soon as space opens up.

All the very best,
Faith Rose
Now To Him

We have to say this is exceptional, Diana. We were thoroughly taken up with your story .. so wonderfully written, your words evoked our compassion, which is the mark of a talented writer. We were stirred by a deep passion in the pages of this book, and humbled by your sense of empathy .. we strive to match it ..

Thank you

Richard and Yvette

Diana,

I've just read Chapters 1 & 2. Here are my thoughts. This is a wonderfully well-written opening, with so much to admire. Firstly, I really like your title, and both your pitches (especially the short one) if I picked this up on a shelf in a bookshop, I'd defintely be tempted to buy it). I love the way you've worked in the chocolate and bread into both chapters, the way that something which brought a 'glimpse of a smile' to the frightened boy Pascual at the orphanage, he used years later to help ease his own grandson's worry about his father in the hospital.

Your characterization is excellent. I like the way that there is not only conflict on the horizon in terms of the Civil War, but in the hearts and minds of the people, with their religious beliefs and hopes for social justice, things at the centre of the struggle itself. This comes across beautifully in Pascual's chat with his grandson, when he tells him he doesn't have a birthday - a very moving, defly handled scene.

The shift in narrative from 3rd to 1st person works well, the Isabel chapter having its own very distinct flavour.

Minor points (not much - this is highly polished stuff) '...best china from the bishop's coffee' should this be 'for the bishop's coffee'? And with your 'put puts' I wasn't sure whether you need a hyphen 'put-putted' - I might be wrong, though,

All in all, a compelling read. Happy to give you a run on my shelf.

Regards

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

Diana,
This is a very polished and enjoyable piece of writing – very involving and starting with some beautiful imagery. I loved it and quite happily read a lot more than I expected. I hope this does well for you. Backed and very highly rated with pleasure.
Rheagan Greene - Bitter Truths (Vol. 1)

I just read the first 2 chapters and the writing is flawless. Your technique is amazing; how you introduce the characters, the issues behind the war, and draw empathy for both sides. I regret not having the time to read more, but I sense this will be available for purchase soon, and I will certainly keep my eyes out for it then. I am making room for this on my shelf right now. Six stars. Cheers, Caitlin Avery, Lightning in my Wires.

This not the kind of book I would normally read, but I have to say I was drawn into it from the first. It is very well written and flows along very well. The characters are neatly drawn as are the shifts from one time period to another. Where is the rest of it? It would be good to read all of it!

One point I would suggest is that when you are writing from the point of view of 'the mind of a character' perhaps the writing needs to reflect the language he or she would use. I picked up on the word 'sassy' and wondered if that would be one that Pascual would use? I have a feeling there are other examples.

Best of luck with this; it deserves to be in print!

Tony

Diana, Pascual's Birthday is a very heart-warming, well-written story. I loved the simplicity of your writing. It is easy to read but has such depth. Very good book. A high star for you! Danehagen

Lovely, evocative stuff, beautifully written with genuine sense of place and feelings.

The pitch is short and sweet.
The title is new so that always helps.
This is an easy paced book. I like the description in your story they are very well thought out and clear.
It is a good idea for a book too.
Good work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

BEAUTIFULLY written, made me a little emotional too. Have only read a few chapters but the story is smooth and easy to follow. I've added you to my WL and hope to add you too my BS tonight! In the mean time highly rated! WELL DONE! :-)

From the opening sentence I was instantly traansported from my mundane ordinary surroundings into a bright, colourful and rustic Spain, Diana Henderson has written a story with a premise that appeals for any age group, with her believable, genuine characters both young and old. Diana's narrative style, merging both Epistolory and third person narrative, enables for a wide range of opinions, but successfully interweaves human emotions through simplicity rather than cliche. In someways, thus making it reminiscent of a Joanna Harris novel. I am proud to back this novel and wish you every success. Emmalena Louisa Ellis - Ginsterpigs.

First let me say that I thought this story was very cute. I loved the history behind what went on. My heart went out to the MC as I find shelf to put this on. You have an award winning story.

Really beautifully written, and chapter 1 concludes on just the right note to set up the story. I think the tone is spot on, and the mix of description and dialogue is nicely balanced. My only critique notes are extremely minor line editing -- (who were they fighting, asked the boy could use a question mark) Just below that ("how can a country fight itself?" asked the boy has the question mark, but I would drop "asked the boy"). I'd add a hyphen in between put and putted. And a period is missing at the end of "you must have wanted one side more than the other".
Sorry to be so hard on you! I think you have a sweet book here!
Tod Schneider
The Lost Wink

Nothing to add to the comments already made. Your story touched my heart and pulled me in, generating the need to read more. What else could a writer ask for?

Shelved!

tyler (The Paths We Chose)

Diana, I really think this is about the best, most unique storyline I've read on this site. Also I want to say that you write with great clarity, and although the POV switches around I have no problem with that because you write with such clarity. Usually when that happens in a story I get pretty confused, but not so with this. I really love your characters and while you don't get involved in greatly detailed descriptions it really isn't needed because you convey the story so well. I was thinking as I read this I could see something like this as a Hallmark Hall of Fame type of drama. It's just very very good. Thank you for the invitation to read your book. I am very impressed by your writing. julie

Diana,

I was thoroughly taken in by this poignant story of one man’s search for his past. With his grandson by his side, Pascual bravely sets out to give this scared little boy an adventure and at the same time seek some answers of his own beginnings. The story is beautifully written and told in various point of views that range from sympathetic to heartless and play with the emotions of the reader. By chapter four the reader cannot help but feel a tender compassion for the young, orphaned Pascual who has grown into a gentle and loving grandparent. Six stars!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But the Blood

You have a lovely flowing style and it is soon evident that this is a book to curl up with on a wet day and enjoy. I have read 3 chapters and commented mainly on the first as that is where the editor’s axe falls. The comments are just impressions and may seem a bit pedantic – they are just spots where I felt the flow stumbled a bit and thoughts on why – feel free to ignore them as they are certainly not errors at all. They are in point form and not intended to seem abrupt, although they may read that way a bit
Chap 1
- “Pascual strapped his bag on the back of his moped and kicked it into life with the heel of his espadrille” confused subject – reads like the bag was kicked into life (of course we know it is the machine but..).
Maybe: “Pascual strapped his bag on the back of his moped and kicked (the machine) into life with the heel of his espadrille”
- Now he used it regularly (Now Pascual used it regularly) ; again confused pronoun structure – could be the boy in this case.
- It was a mystery (What was effortless for his wife was a mystery to Pascual)
compose herself, wiping her eyes and nose : again it could be either the daughter or Pascual doing the wiping. Maybe this sentence could run something like: “What was effortless for his wife was a mystery to Pascual so he waited while his daughter to composed herself – just watching as she wiped her nose and eyes with a handkerchief” This is lovely scene that build character and worth getting exactly right (not that I am right)

I will back this next month when I re-do my shelf. For now 6 stars.

Best of luck
A Fatal Misuse of Time
Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.

I read the first chapter and I love it! I have placed this book on my shelf and given it a 6. Excellent work! Beautiful story told very well. Love it!

This is a very moving story. It is well written and easy to follow. I like it, and hope it makes it to Editor's Row! You are so close now! I am giving you six stars, good luck!

sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

You have a good book here, portrayed very well. I think this deserves to be published soon. I wish you all the best. Definitely going on my shelf now!

Wonderful!
Can't wait to read more. Great beginning, takes me back to my grandparents in Holland.
Christine

"Pascual's Birthday" - Diana Henderson. I read the 1st 2 chapters and scanned several comments. Stars and bookshelf for putting the reader into the moment and keeping him/her there. Excellent idea to link the chocolate bread from the present to the past - smell always stirs the memory. Hope you reach the edshed.

GIdeon ("Thrill Writer's Remorse")

Beautiful writing, Diana, pulling the reader into the story from the start. You created a very good sense of setting and emotional tension, so that a reader cares about the characters. High stars from me.
T. Donna Robison
No Kiss Good-bye

Beautiful writing, Diana, pulling the reader into the story from the start. You created a very good sense of setting and emotional tension, so that a reader cares about the characters. High stars from me.
T. Donna Robison
No Kiss Good-bye

Very interesting and eloquent, original story that at times is both poignant and heart warming. I remember reading many books on the Spanish civil war iabout 37 years ago. Your book brought back all those emotions that I experienced reading how ruthless Franco and the Nationalists were to their own people. Picasso refused to live in his own country after Guernica. Pascual's Birthday is an essential and rewarding read.
Backed with pleasure.
Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa

Diana,

The best thing about your writing is that it has exactly the right balance of description and story-telling. It does not seem overdone or that you are trying too hard to make the story anything other than what it needs to be. Its appeal lies in its simplicity. The emotions are palpable and the setting is vivid, and it is still easy to read. I have only read a couple of chapters but I imagine the story and writing progresses in this same vein throughout. It is therefore a book that has a lot of appeal and I have backed it and rated it. Hopefully I will read more soon. Good luck with your push for the ED.

Raf
'J-Town'

Ms. Henderson,

I think you've got a touching premise here and a very interesting story. I've read the first two chapters, and they really raise my interest to read more, and getting people to turn the page is your one job. The quality of the writing is very good, as well - quite deft, straightforward, and easy to follow. I'm backing your book.

Very Short plot, but I loved how you explained it all in such few words. I can't to read more it sound like a really great book!
Thanks,
Scott

Hi Diwrite,

From the start I found your slow, languid writing-style very charming in portraying the relationship between an old man and 'the boy', his grandson. The mention of fruit and vegetables sets the scene for a life close to the basic needs of every human being. The step-by-step approach purveys the pace of a Mediterranean life-style and while the dialogue is cool in places, the characters show a lot of passion underneath the surface.

The premise is stunning as a person who doesn't know their own birthday seems to belong to another part of geography or a different age altogether. (Additionally, you've surprised me with a new word - 'rheumy', which needed to be looked up as I had never come across it in many years of nursing.)

I found Pascal's interpretation of the two different sides in the war full of common-sense and insight, clearly showing the impossible position of those who are the greatest victims of power-wrangling in armed conflict, the small man and his family. This is a very interesting beginning and your book will be on my shelf in a couple of days.

Ame
Wolfmother and Normsville Trilogy

WOW. Chapter 2 brought tears to my eyes. Expertly written story. I am going to have to find a place on my shelf.

Beautiful, measured, well -written. Will shift something off my shelf and back the book the moment I can.

Tiny nitpicks: I'd spell the vehicle as put-put, with a hyphen; makes it clearer.
Please spell "all right" as two words, not "alright", which always looks like an uncertain teenager.
The word "distractedly" occurs twice, too close together, in Ch 9.
"Disinterested" isn't the same as "uninterested".
The boy was "scrabbling" into the tree - perhaps you meant "scrambling"?

This is a lovely, well written novel and though not something I would usually go for, it captured my interest from the beginning. Your descriptions are beautiful, well detailed and easy to follow. I found myself soaking up Pascual's history with relish. The relationship between your MC and his grandson is enchanting, especially as they are picking fruit together. It reminded me of picking apples in the garden with my own grandfather.

This is a poignant read which deals with a range of subjects and teaches the reader about life. It's tragic and mysterious, moving and captivating. I loved it.

Good luck with this, you deserve to be at the top :)

Yasmin
- Guileless

This is a lovely, well written novel and though not something I would usually go for, it captured my interest from the beginning. Your descriptions are beautiful, well detailed and easy to follow. I found myself soaking up Pascual's history with relish. The relationship between your MC and his grandson is enchanting, especially as they are picking fruit together. It reminded me of picking apples in the garden with my own grandfather.

This is a poignant read which deals with a range of subjects and teaches the reader about life. It's tragic and mysterious, moving and captivating. I loved it.

Good luck with this, you deserve to be at the top :)

Yasmin
- Guileless

Loved the short pitch and was moved to take a look right away. Backed, in the hope of seeing the ratings rise.
Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

I have enjoyed reading your first chapter. Your writing style is strong and the words flow easily. This is a great style on which to build an epic novel. Your characters are well rounded and believable and your reported speech flows very well. when I get time I shall read further. Very impressive and thoroughly enjoyable.

Diana

I have read the first couple of chapters and will be back to read some more. You have an easy flowing style which makes the book easy to read and I have already learnt a lot about the Spanish civil war so it is educational as well as being a good story.

The characters and dialogue are engaging and the description is evocative.

If you put this on Kindle I would definitely buy it. For now I will w/l you and give you some stars.

Pascual's birthday. Diana has written a truly moving book about a lovely relationship that spans both the years between the couple and also the years since the civil war. Diana's prose is lyrical, it flows beautifully, capturing & holding the reader's attention throughout. This is a splendid first novel which deserves to be published & placed on bookshelves everywhere.
Read Pascual's birthday and you will enjoy every page.
Very well done, Diana.
from Jill.

This is a truly moving book. The writing is wonderfully evocative. The author obviously has a good understanding of those difficult times and the story is told with balance. Very controlled, steady writing that builds drama powerfully. A wonderful book.

This moves me. the writer is receiving the story, and the result is beautiful, non-pressured, non-peculiar, it just flows. For me, the sign of a good writer. It goes straight to the heart.
Highly starred and watchlisted.

Excellent storytelling. Your word jump off of the pages and takes one on a journey along with Pasqual. We as readers get nuggets of wisdom from him. It's packed with mystery, pain and expectancy of hope. I am a new fan of yours and your work. 6 STARS all the way. Definitely headed to my shelf. I know a work of art when I read it!

You have the makings of a touching and original story here. You set the scene well in chapter 1, but I do wonder if you use the dialogue a little too much for exposition- it feels a little like you are trying to educate your reader - though I liked the part about being on the side of the poor people who believed in God. I also like phrases like "reluctantly grateful". I'm not sure, in your first paragraph, about the use of "the boy" - before you've explained which boy - I would say "his grandson". That may or may not helpful though, feel free to ditch if it isn't!

A very moving read which takes us to a much misunderstood period of history. Poingant and carefully crafted. Beautiful prose.

PASCUAL'S BIRTHDAY
hullo Diana. This story has a great start and I like the way that the grandfather, Pascal, talks with his grandson explaining his past and what he has forgotten. This sets up the remainder of your story. Very good. LLL
Please take a minute to consider my non-fiction and thanks for that.