The Ladder

First of all you have a great pitch which immediately drew me in.
Your writing flows comfortably and is a pleasure to read. You described your characters, and defined their relationships extremely well. I particularly like the character Ansel.
The rest of the book sounds intriguing, and as soon as I get chance to, I will be reading more.
In the first chapter I noticed a few minor errors, the odd word missed out etc.
I think you have an exciting book here and it is a book I would definitely buy. I give it 5 stars.
Junetee (Four Corners)

I loved this from the very start (which I can't say for most books on authonomy). I knew this was going to be clever and an interesting read. i wish I could copy paste so I could give you some line by line feedback (I noticed the occasional missing comma type thing)

Your dialogue is superb, and I love love love the characters. This was a fast paced read.

When I got to a book store, I look at a few things before buying a book. The genre, the title, the cover, the premise, the first chapter. Your genre is one I buy into, so I'd be shopping in this selection. You might want to find a cover, because that's the next thing I'm looking for. Moving past that, the title is simple and yet, I know with the right cover I'd be picking this up. (I like simple titles). The premise caught my attention, which means in a book store I'd crack it open to read, and I liked what I read, which means I'd purchase it (of course,I think by time an editor has been through this it'll be even more polished). I get the sense this is a story heavily focused on characters and relationships, woven with a good plot. That is my kind of story. I'm happy to back this, and good luck finding the right agent and publisher!

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Hi, Vrinda,
You have a lot of movement and some wonderful description. Some suggestions, which you can take or leave as you see fit:

It wasn't until quite a ways down in Chapter 1 that I learned our characters were in a home and not a restaurant. And it wasn't until near the end of the Chapter that I'm surprised to hear that Shane is married. And then much later in the same chapter I figure he's married to Claire, whom both guys are sweet on. Some of this could be pointed out sooner, to get the reader situated in the scene.

The ice cream. They take it out and don't put it away until they're finished eating? I think they'd help themselves to the ice cream and put the tub back in the freezer and then eat what they'd dished out.

I suggest you shorten the dialogue in chapter one. I think you can get the message across in fewer words. Watch saidisms. You want to make dialogue tags as invisible as possible, to keep the reader in the story, so her attention is not drawn to the writing. Also logic says movement isn't speech. Shrugs, smiles, turns, ...these are movements that convey a message, but they are not speech. Try to avoid separating a statement or question and a response with an aside, because it disrupts the thought stream. For example, "You look like you're sleep walking," should be followed immediately with, "Sometimes I think maybe I am." What you should do is move the aside ahead of the dialogue, so it's not in the middle like a sandwich.

On so hot an evening in Arizona, you don't want your character to freeze in place. Use a different word that doesn't take you out of the hot atmosphere.

I hope this helps rather than discourages you. Again, you can ignore everything I've said. I wish you the best with this intriguing novel.

Gloria
Finnegan's Quest

Dear Vrinda

I have started to read your writing and must say that it is compelling. Already you have established your animated characters in my head, ( they are not leaving soon) and i feel strongly to back your book now. I feel sure you
feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also
getting this book of your published. ( I wish I had half the talent some of you have on this site)

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Dear Vrinda, I love how you put me right there with your characters in your story to feel what they feel. :) Your pitch drew me in to read & I like the way you added fantasy, so that anything can happen & does. :) Your crisp dialogue & paragraphs make for an easy read, so that I'm not bogged down. :) Great write! :) I'm backing your book - hope you write many more. :) Could you please take a moment for me to back my memoir book? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :)

backed with pleasure.
alison
who wants to diet anyway?

I am far from an expert on this genre, Vrinda, so I can only say that, The Ladder sent a chill up my spine. I found myself reading further and further into the story, before I realised I was taking too much time away from the rest I have to read through. This is a very serious subject and you have handled it very well.
Backed now.
Fromante. (Norman) The witch of Hambone Bk.3. Also Muddledydo.

BACKED

I get very little from comments about my own book, nowadays. Some people like it, some don't. Some people are too frightened to leave genuine feedback, while others seek to enforce their own style upon me. I want to get to the Ed's Desk to get professional comment. I would rather spend 30 quid than do all this reading and backing. I have got everything I want out of Authonomy community already. So I am backing your book so that you can reach the Ed's desk and get professional feedback, instead of the platitudes and devious backings that account for 80% of backing you receive. Only 20% of comments are genuine, and will add value to your work.

Now, who am I not to back you? I am not godlike. Your work might be flatly written, unoriginal or even down right bad. It could be wonderful. But in my experience, only you can be honest with yourself about your writing... and that is what matters.

So, I am backing you so you can reach the Ed's desk.

There you are.

BACKED

Hope you reciprocate.
If you end up leaving a comment that adds value to Dream Diamond, I will return to your book and give it a thorough read and comment.

Hi
sorry it took me a while to get here.
Find this intrguing - 'life death and the whole damn thing' and we're only on ch 1!
I would like a tiny bit more scene setting at the start even just, 'by the second course he was regretting bringing Audrey' and not sure the present tense (always risky) adds much to anything. I think you write excellent dialogue covering complex and subtle relationships. Undecided if it's just too slow a start? Backing anyway for its originailty and strong writing.
AliB
The Water's Edge

The Ladder opens with a a debate about life and death expressed in a chatty contemporary style that seems a little too light for the literary fiction genre, but is likely to be appealing to a YA/ fantasy audience and so should do well if targeted there. You write strongly with crisp natural dialogue and a good pace and flow to the narrative. Backed.

Great pitch. Ansel scares me, great characterisation. Love the way he casually discusses death at the dinner table in the opening chapter. This is not usually my genre but I find your writing intriguing, thought provoking. On my shelf!

I must admit to being surprised by your novel having read your bio, somehow it was not what I was expecting at all. It is certainly thought provoking and quite disturbing in a way I can't quite define.. I do not normally read horror but I can see that your writing skills are spot on and for those who enjoy this genre I am sure they will be pulled into the story. Backed

Vrinda- I have such mixed feelings about your book. I think the fact that it made me "feel" in itself, is a positive thing. The Ladder has a well-crafted environment and it is obvious that you are a careful, thoughtful writer. Ansel is a complex character and I'm curious to see his psychological development as the novel progresses. Paradoxically, Ansel is the thing that bothers me about this work. He troubles me. Maybe that's the point. He's not like the rest of us. He's sort of looking above the sleepy, bowed heads of humanity. His lack of empathy and egomania is not intended to endear, I'm sure. Maybe if Shane was more endearing, I would be more attached to your characters. This is a character-driven novel, which is my favorite kind, but I think that I need at least one character that I feel attached to. Shane is your "regular guy" that has to be there in order to emphasize the duality of Ansel. Reading about his parents fights help us to understand him, but I wanted to like him better, feel for him. His awkward embarrassment about Ansel's behavior seemed a little odd considering the length (and depth) of their friendship. By now, it seems like Shane would've figured out how to laugh-off or dismiss the odd behavior rather than being mortified by it. Also, I felt like some of their "telepathy" felt mildly feminine to me. I know guys who are very close and they do communicate that way, but somehow, it doesn't feel feminine when they do. Wish I were a man (not really) so that I could figure out what word or two to change to make it read more male.

I shelved your book. Because I like it. Because it bothered me.

Love the college days dinner discussion feel to this opener.
Dialog feels very solid, natural and keeps me interested.
Really enjoyed the bit about swimming to/in the moon. lovely.
Oh...they're older...something about them said early 20s/college age to me.
All the talk about death and parents felt younger but probably not a big deal.
I'd break this first into 2 chapters.
Really dig that bar discovery/dream conversation scene.
Part of me wants to keep this one chapter so that scene/conversation can happen in the first chapter but then I think it needs some parring back in order to work.
hm, I don't know. I do like this but can't see where/how.
I wonder if you couldn't somehow move that bar conversation/scene more towards the beginning of the chapter. Give the thrillchills early to keep them interested in the rest of the other character development?
Anyway. I think this very good and wishing you the best with it.
Let me know if I can help with a cover.
-=Bradley

But this is not lightweight. I am minded of 'Metamorphosis', with its touch of surrealism and the dark humour of Central European literature. There is a deeply philosophical strand running through this book which gives it the feel of a classic. I believe it will be in print for a long time. Backed.

I don't normally care for stories that start out in the middle of a dialogue, but Ansel's opening homily on mortality grabbed me by the collar of my Polo Assassin.

I must admit, I first visited your webiste -- your publishing home for writers with OCD? (isn't that all of them) -- before I began ascending The Ladder, so I think that helped me get a 'feel' for your voice and -- I daresay -- your personality.

Anyway, I'm up to chapter 4, and so far, you haven't missed a rung. This Ladder deserves to be in a library.

=Miles=

The theme of this book is very deep - and the writing really does work with this. From the start, you have me feeling poor Shane's embarrassment, add in the psychic messages, the hint at fates to come, and I'm there, drawn into your story. The pitch sounds brilliant, and the writing is really very good, I have no fear you wouldn't be able to pull it off. One question I have is why this hasn't been picked up yet? This is already on my shelf, and I'm going to keep it there for a while. Hope to see you in the top twenty - this deserves to be there.

This is smooth writing and a great storyline. I haven't seen any glitches yet.
Ansel reminds me of my nephew on my husband's side. Its a little creepy. In fact I think I've heard him talk about his own death as well, being very dramatic! I think if I read further, this would really creep me out. So if you like that, this is the book to read!

SD Gillen

Vrinda,

I love the way this begins. The dialog between the dinner guests where we are first introduced to Ansel and Shane is as sharp and funny as anything in Joseph Heller's 'Catch 22'. But the further I read on, the comic element soon fades and some very existential issues are addressed. I find the dynamic between the two main characters, as well as their soul-searching ethos, most refreshing in an age where a majority of fiction is driven by solely by attitude.

As much as I immediately wanted to know what happens when the heroes enter the bar at the end of Chapter 1, all of that soon slipped in the back of my mind as I became enrapt in their histories. Very clever; especially as the reader grows more attached to the lives of these misfits and their circumstances. The pair compliment each other very well. It's apparent Ansel is the dreamer and Shane the voice of reason, but you've instilled so much depth in these two opposites, who were destined to be friends Ansel might argue, in the engaging character studies where they meet as youngsters, making each one of them more than merely caricatures.

Very professional, compelling, and thought provoking work. Well done!

All the best,
Nit

These are two of the best pitches I've read for some time, a highly intriguing premise and cleverly worded - I loved "Like a deadly whispering Iago..." You need a cover to do the book justice; hopefully this is in hand.
I've read the opening six chapters and this is a story rich in promise. You have good hooks to end your chapters and the mixture of time and place works very well. The flashbacks are equally strong as the present day sections and you've obviously given a great deal of though to the structure of the novel. I've been impressed by the development of the characters over the course of the chapters I've read to date. This is a book with diverse themes and some sinister and disconcerting elements with the story becoming ever darker. Destiny and presumptions of madness are subjects that lend themselves to dramatic situations and I'd very much like to find out where this story-line is going.
A book with an unusual structure that allows its characters to pose questions and allows great scope for the reader to weigh up the possible answers to these questions. Fine writing and a story that never flags.
Backed.
Jared.

This is a very unusual book with a fascinating plot line. You draw your characters well, not only Ansel, but Shane, Audrey, even Claire, whom we see more at a distance, through Ansel's eyes. The conversation in your first chapter is complex and exciting, and when at the end of the chapter you introduce Ansel's dream about the bar, and then the bar is there before them, you grip us in a chilling way. You write well, with considerable beauty, especially when Ansel tells us his ideas about the world. His dream of swimming through a moon made of water is particularly imaginative and attractive. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

This lacks a setting. Ansel, Shane, Audrey... who are these people, what ages are they, where is all this happening? What century? Is it intended as a sort of Platonic dialogue? As an author, I think you owe it to the reader to be specific as to time and place. This lends authenticity to your tale. I've found through reading a lot on authonomy that writers who tend to be strong on dialogue (as you are) tend to neglect the architectural scaffolding of the novel and just hope that the dialogue alone will carry it through. This might be the case if you are Roddy Doyle (The Commitments) but the rest of us need to use all of the novelist's techiques, including narrative prose, foreshadowing, etc.
Hope this is of help
Frank

thanks for your comments - i can't help but feel perhaps you skim-read though? because i stated several times in chapter 1 that they're in arizona, i describe the monsoon weather brewing outside, i go into great detail of it being at night time, and on what is page 6 of my word doc version of this chapter, it says explicitly that they're 28 years old.

This lacks a setting. Ansel, Shane, Audrey... who are these people, what ages are they, where is all this happening? What century? Is it intended as a sort of Platonic dialogue? As an author, I think you owe it to the reader to be specific as to time and place. This lends authenticity to your tale. I've found through reading a lot on authonomy that writers who tend to be strong on dialogue (as you are) tend to neglect the architectural scaffolding of the novel and just hope that the dialogue alone will carry it through. This might be the case if you are Roddy Doyle (The Commitments) but the rest of us need to use all of the novelist's techiques, including narrative prose, foreshadowing, etc.
Hope this is of help
Frank

I was not sure what to expect with this one. The opening dialogue could be any group of people in a pub talking about the value of life - I know I have. It is very believable and well written. It is such a shame that reading on the computer screen punishes long detailed texts. The length of the story/chapters should not deter you but may deter some readers who like their chapters shorter and punchier online.
You can tell this is builiding up to something quite exciting so I will pop it on the shelf for now and try and return for more later.
Backed.

Pete

Present tense is hard to do - but you've executed rather well. Good luck.

Marvellous work. Absolutely enthralling. :)

Hi Vrinda

Sorry, this is obviously long overdue. You know what I'm like.

Your writing has quality, no doubt about it. You utilise the English language very well, and the first section of your novel sets things up very nicely. I think that a lot of people would like this. I think that a lot of people around here already do, and rightly so.

I'm amazed at how many people around here are writing novels in the present tense - I think it's definitely the harder route to choose, and personally, I always feel that it comes out a little less elegant as a result, as well as the danger of slipping between tenses, which I've already highlighted to someone else tonight.

I seem to remember you once suggesting that Zephyr was a little lighter on dialogue than what you ideally wanted, and I can see why you feel that way. The Ladder, or at least that first section of it, is extremely dialogue heavy - more than I would recommend, but we've already established the differences between us. My main gripe would be that you seem to have dived into a complex dialogue exchange between a group of people, without the reader actually knowing anything about those people first. I have a preference for characterisation first - I think it creates reader empathy with the character, which in turn gives an added dimension to any dialogue that follows.

These are minor stylistic points though, more to do with exploring the difference between you and me rather than finding fault with your work. I'm happy that I backed your book for a while. Your writing has elegance and intelligence, and is definitely worth persevering with. Drew :)

Captivating the reader with the intriging charcters and a paced diolouge that feel comfortable and I've only reviewd the first few chapters. C W

Hi, Vrinda. Boy, this is a long one. The pitch is very well done in my opinion. Gives us an excellent idea of what to expect. Great opening for the book. Sets the tone and made me want to continue. Very nice writing in my opinion and the story develops along very well. Everything is presented so believably, and your descriptive work is excellent. it deserves to read. On my shelf and the best of luck with it, Vrinda.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valle

The opening line is a cracker. It drew me in right away. I like the premise of this and the way you construct the dialogue is very real and comfortable. I think that you have a promising read here, with an interesting subject. One or two little things did catch my eye however. Little things like 'rushes hurriedly at the door' I think rushes implies that he was in a hurry, and the bit about the bar sitting precariously at the end of the street. I'm not sure how a bar would sit precariously, on the street or otherwise. I really enjoyed this and am glad to back it.
Cheers Cam
(Ravenmyth)

Well I'm still reading. This is really catchy. Shelved.
I feel like I know Audrey, Clare and Shane, and how
they deal with Ansel. Congratulations on a brilliantly
thought out book.
Suggestions.
Can't say it's too long. Mine is the same. i think mine has
too much story, wild events, and yours lacks a few. But I only read
1, 12, 17 and 21. The ending is amazing.
best luck with it, and the next five! Mikey The Free

Hello Vrinda,
I absolutely love your writing style! This book hits the ground running, with dialogue that probes into deep territory without coming off overly philosophical or preachy. After reading the first chapter, nay, the first paragraph, I was immediately drawn in. The characters are very realistic, coming across as living, feeling, three dimensional people, who I already care about instinctively. When they speak, I listen. It helps that they are asking questions about subjects that are valid to me, such as death, existence, love, etc. Your approach to raising these questions is done in a way that is very thought provoking, and in a way gives me a nostalgic feeling of my younger days of spiritual seeking. Excellent work! I am looking forward to reading more.

Backed!

-mike (A Cat in the Rye)

An intriguing idea which I think the manuscript delivers well on. The writing is confident with particularly good dialogue. Backed and best of luck. Clare (Second Lives)

All good books, all great books start with a first line, paragraph or image that grabs. If I don’t see it I really don’t bother to go on. You had me with the first line. The rest of it sort of came naturally with very natural dialogue (one of the hallmarks of good writing). To answer your quandary, this is definitely for the over-18’s. Not that younger readers could read it, but they wouldn’t get it.

Anyway, I’ve shelved it to return to later.

Nicholas (“The Warlock”) You might want to take peek.

Hi Vrinda,
This is very good writting indeed. I enjoyed the whole concept and thought your sparkling dialog and interesting characters brought the whole story to life. More than happy to place this on my shelf.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

I usually have no patience for material written in the present tense, and at first I thought the whole thing was going to be written as such, but you do change it up and juggle time with a refined skill. You also jump in and out of a character's head well, which is not as easy thing to pull off.
Backed without hesitation.
--Daniel McKinnis

Hi Vrinda

We bump into each other in the strangest places. I'll make a start on The Ladder sometime soon, but I'm already aware of your talents ;)

This is very thought provoking and extremely clever. Well written with the whole deep and meaningful backdrop.
Enjoyed and backed
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

Hi Vrinda,
I grew up in Tucson, so a lot of the childhood scenes in your story really resonated with me. Your book is an interesting one--lots of philosophy and meaningful imagery. Or are these just the manifestations of madness? A fine line between poetic discovery and insanity, I guess. Anyway, I think The Ladder would make a great stage play. It's filled with great dialogue that takes us right to the central cores of the characters. Backed.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

Superb dialogue and a great subject. Deja vu is an insight, a fleeting vision into the higher conscious that we all possess but very few can access. I can see this book making a Hollywood movie and a good one at that.

Backed with pleasure.

Bob (Auctoratus)

Vrinda,

I'm returning your read of Appetites and following up on a recommendation from Jane Alexander. Thank you for your comment on my work, I'm glad you've enjoyed it thus far.

Quick note on the pitch, I feel that breaking this up into shorter paragraphs, with line breaks in between would aid readability (my middle para would run from 'And when fate does come along . . .' to '. . . for not just Ansel, but his damaged friends too').

Anyway into the work proper. And this is quite fascinating. It reminds me in some respects of a Bunuel movie, except more coherent. There's a distant dream like feel--accomplaished by the third-person omnisicient distant PoV and present tense. Despite the immediacy of the tense I feel like I'm watching through fog. And there's a formality to it that is old-fashioned, and yet the dialogue is excellent and contemporary. This is quite striking writing.

And the complexity and depth of the characters draws me in.

I'm surprised to find that Shane is only 28--and the others presumably of a vintage--I had an impression of them being older.

Now, in the discussion leading up to Ansel's revelation of the bar dream, I wonder if a little more narrative, about the walk, wouldn't go amiss to break up the dialogue. Your dialogue is superb, but I feel that here there's too much without break.

Excellent end to the chapter too. So, I'm afraid I really have little to offer by way of constructive criqitue. This is simply wonderful and backed with pleasure.

Great premise and wonderful writing …kept me on the edge of my seat. I liked the descriptive writing. You have a great imagination and your story flows well. Good luck

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/ Secrets of the elephant Rocks

Hello Vrinda, Your pitch drew me in - and what an opening chapter. Very readable. When I have time to read more I will, but in the meantime - ON MY SHELF. Good luck with this.

Phyllis Burton
A Passing Storm (Would you consider looking at this for me please?)

Vrinda
What a gripping opening....You embroider an intriguing and immediate camaradie between your characters....

I love the premise.....that helps of course, I raced through this.....I'm a believer, I think everyone has experienced deja vu at some point.....Another strength is that this is of cross genre appeal.....Not too many novels are........(mine certainly isn't, and dont I just know it)

I consider the pitch to be your shop window, what would be the blurb on the back of the book cover in a bookstore.....Your pitch does not do you justice....I'd spice it up....Drip feed something about the evil to come perhaps....

Shelved with pleasure....Enjoy your climb up the chart......

I am going to make my husband read this. He thinks I am totally weird and that I'm the only person that worries about - well, exactly the stuff that Ansel worries about. I found this curiously reassuring, though seeing my own paranoias written so clearly is also a little disconcerting. ;)
Just love the way you show so much through the dialogue.. Only one thing snagged me. 'No,' he's confused.'
Presumably. 'No.' He was confused. ???
Then the bar appears. A small thing but one presaged by dreams so redolent with meaning. Is there a supernatural meaning? Is it deja vu? No, I don't think so. Again, this has happened to me. A dream of a place unknown, previously unseen ,and then I am there and the shock just jolts your heart.
Sorry, I'm talking about me and I should be talking about your writing....but I guess I just relate to this so much that the two become entwined.
When you go back to the men's childhoods, I confess I was almost disappointed. Strange because normally I love childhood accounts. But I think in this case I wanted to get back to the present and see where this will take Ansel - and us.
As you might have guessed by now, I love this and am backing it with huge enthusiasm.
Jane
WALKER

Vrinda, Ansel is one of those alluring, yet hateable types who keeps you on edge and certainly keeps things interesting. Dialogue is well done for the most part - sometimes it edges over to a bit self centered, but I think that's just Ansel. Well done. Will be on my shelf soon. CW (To Save the Sun)

Vrinda, Ansel is one of those alluring, yet annoying types who keeps you on edge and certainly keeps things interesting. Dialogue is well done for the most part - sometimes it edges over to a bit self centered, but I think that's just Ansel. Well done. Will be on my shelf soon. CW (To Save the Sun)

Clever. Great hook - you grab the reader right from the start. Your book is well written and I am happy to shelve it for a time.

Jeanne (Dark Angel)

Vrinda-- I like that you have managed to draw us so clear a picture of impending doom by giving us the conversation at a dinner party-- no car crash or bomb blast necessary to cause a feeling of unease or danger... the words are the incendiary thing here. Ansel is a master at winding up his friends and I want to read on and see if his prophesies come to light-- how is he the cause of his own demise?-- and just how accepting he will be in the face of death (trust me when I say it ain't easy to stand up to that life and death battle-- but then again, I won that first round-- as you say, I didn't cheat death; it just wasn't time... ) Beautifully written and on my shelf.

Ruth/Base Spirits

The notion of dreams being prophetic, or another layer of reality, is an idea you and I share as writers in our respective books: in mine, the dreamer meets a person (who becomes the love of her life) and yours sees a place, symbolic of fate and self-discovery. So, I'm fascinated by the concept behind your book, which you go on to develop into questions about the possibility and nature of destiny, and whether or not we have choices. It's brilliantly conceived and written, and it get my full backing. Best wishes, Tony.