Bad Blood

Hi everyone,

Wow, the comments lately have been awesome! I can't thank you guys enough.
--
A common comment had been the scientific explanation in chapter two.
On one hand I want to keep it fairly detailed, because the Doc May character is proud of what they achieved, and so in his geeky enthusiasm, he outlines everything they did to JJ.
I think JJ would remember it because if you had just been in unkown surgery, you'd be listening pretty intently.
That said, I know it's an info dump. I tried to cover that with JJ's comment halfway through the talk.
I was tossing up the idea of having JJ hear only snippets, as the medical jargon whooshes over his head.
So, if you read chapter two, it would be good to hear your thoughts on this.
--
Another section I would like to hear what people think about is JJ's description of his blood high in Chapter six.

Cheers everybody!
Mitch

Dear Mitch Kelly,

I am not a fun of fiction, worth still vampire but your with Bad Blood vampire science engineered pissed off ex-thieves, I said let me have long at least at the pitch.

"Through three months of surgeries they gave me as many vampiric traits as they could mimic with their extensive technology, and called me a ‘pseudo-vampire’" orchestrated with "Let me tell you one thing now. They picked the wrong man to play God with" rises curiosity. "Let me tell you a little story..." - aha?

BHG review
there,s certainly a lot of lively - or rather deadly - action and I like the combination of surprise and a lack of guilt in the first chapter. It did seem over-heavy with weapons and injuries and I wondered if it would have even more impact if the action had descriptive, refletive or back story interspersed.

The title strikes familiar and I believe there is already a novel with the same one. the short pitch is not doing its job well. You could almost leave it with just the first sentence for that does attract. the rest is more like back cover blurb saying what kind of writer you are.

the long pitch does use your narrative voice somewhat but It needs a little more polishing.

It,s an interesting premise and there are a lot or possibilities from this starting point. so far as I,ve read you do keep the interest going.


the long pitch could also do with a re-think.

Brutal Honesty Crit Group: Review for Bad Blood

cover: good motif
pitch: fragment beginning Pissed off. but otherwise does the job of getting people in.

Publishability
Your action scenes are great and the whole conspiracy + vampire with a heart of gold is great.
You'll need to polish a little more first (see below and email). Add more character descriptions and dialog.
The paranormal genre is big right now.

Plot –
Joker story : only works for people who saw and liked the last Batman. Dates your piece narrowly.
Indeed, I would cut the whole first paragraph. The only relevant part is "The scars", in which case, you should change the section title to "How I earned my scars"
what did you do in the maintenance room for five minutes?
action sequences need shorter sentences for immediacy.
The dart acted too fast. I don't think even curari is that quick.
Project Vampire a little too obvious and would cause information leaks. pick an obscure name for Transylvania: Ardeal, Erdel. Or Metagoth
I like the attempting to pull the trigger repeatedly.
The bad guys need to offer him payment - the carrot to go with the stick.
but in 3, trundling sounds like walking, then suddenly there's a driver. Be explicit about what they get in when.
I didn't believe the skin sensitivity that wears off when they want it to. Skin shed like every 7 days or something. If it's there after 3 months, it's permanent.
Tell us it's an adjacent building before they go up.
Technical note: people with this much tech would have a superglue + morphine patch to apply to the neck and any other gashes.
Tell us how many shots in the clip and how many he fired in each melee
technical note - wouldn't changing the skin wipe or fade tattoos?
big gap between 3 and 4. Seems unlikely that they have a combat mission every other day. Even less likely that nothing noteworthy happened on over thrity missions.
with 5 guns, wouldn't he have a back up knife for when he runs out of ammo or has to cack his keeper?
Unclear if Rand killed the first person.
Is the protection device his or stolen from Rand?

Pacing –
pretty much no back story. we need more through out. who he is, where he's from, etc.
need a teensy bit more backstory before he goes in to the museum. Maybe move some of the Jenkins paragraph from the later to the first reference.
But you did a very good job of rapidly pulling us into and through the action except the whole "two months later" jump.

Characters/Characterization
Other than the South African, I don't think you described anyone physically, or even how many.
You also didn't tell us names like May or Rand till the end of 3. Move to start of 2.
After the museum, I couldn't see him as a thief. He doesn't see things in terms of monetary value, spot cameras, or sensors, etc.
I didn't know he was JJ until reading your comments afterward

Point of View/Voice
very comfortable, fun main character. I like the Bugs Bunny references.
but you pop out of stream to often: "I know, ... there won't be a test."
you combine american football references and american gunfights with british boot, bonnet, and tarmac.

Style –
Sentence level –
sent in email separately.
You have a good grasp of mechanics, you just need to be less verbose. Some of this is the first person style, I understand. But action requires focus.

Dialogue
not much early on
good as new -> better than
the first two paragraphs of three should be converted to dialogue.
need more dialogue with the kids in the SWAT van

Originality
I think this is the first forced vampire thief - usually they're wererats with clinging. It feels like a role-playing game (which I like)
such as Shadowrun, Nightlife, etc. I'm glad it's not another witch hot for a vampire and a werewolf.
I only did the first four chapters, but so far, very fresh.

Scott Rhine (Jezebel's Ladder)

From the Brutal Honesty Critique Group

Plot

Chapter 1
I have to admit, I had a bit of a hard time following at first, getting confused by the people attacking the MC in the museum, especially when the security guards were involved. I had to go back and reread some parts to clarify. There are other things I was not clear on, like how the MC got the gun or how he was able to kick someone in the knees without ending up on the ground.
Chapter 2
This chapter was easier to follow than Chapter 1. It flowed better and I didn't really have to go back and look at anything. One thing that bothered me was the MC essentially being out for three months. I'm not sure he would be able to get up, even with all the enhancements, so easily.

Pacing

Chapter 1
Some parts dragged for me, such as the part mentioning the lock. I was expecting to come back to the lock with so much detail being given to it. Also, the little flashback in the segment where the MC is talking about Buddha and seeing his face superimposed on Jenkins' took me out of the action. The fight scene was also long for me and it seemed all over the place which made me have a hard time following what was happening. It didn't feel like the length of the fight scene got me into the plot quick enough.
Chapter 2
Some parts dragged, like the intense detail about what was done to the main character. I'm not sure this section is helped by the book being in first person. The in depth explanation of what happened seemed to slow down everything and I'm not sure if a doctor would really go into all that depth with the patient, especially if it is with someone who might try and get revenge for what has been done to them. It's almost like the “villain explaining how he vanquished the hero” trope.

Characters/Characterization

Chapter 1
The MC was hard for me to connect with and I had a hard time sympathizing with him. Perhaps it is his line of work, but there still needed to be something to connect with. I'm sort of wondering if he is only doing this job for the money and why he is in this line of work. With the chapter being so long and with so much action happening in it, I was wanting to see hints of why he was doing this in the first place. I also wondered why he didn't know this was a set-up right away and just cut his losses and go home with the pad-lock being the only security.
Chapter 2
The MC kind of believes it too quickly. When he went to sleep, I almost expected him to wake up thinking it was a dream and then see himself in the mirror or something. It seemed odd that he really took it surprisingly well. There were also some moments with the doctor that seemed out of character, like the moment when he was getting defensive. Especially after the in depth explanation about what happened to the MC.

Point of View/Voice

Chapter 1
The voice is very conversational but I found it a little easy to get lost with some of the narration.
Chapter 2
The first person narrative didn't really help out this chapter. It seemed odd that he could recite all of that detail when the narrative voice is so conversational.

Style

Chapter 1
I can tell the style is less formal and more conversational, but in some places it makes the story hard to follow.
Chapter 2
The in depth section monologue from the doctor doesn't quite fit with the tone that has been set of the book being less formal. It doesn't seem like something the character would be memorizing to recall later.

Sentence level

Chapter 1
Some issues I noticed: capitalizing “tomahawk” - it is not a proper noun so it does not need to be capitalized.

Dialogue

Chapter 1
The dialogue at the end was okay and I did like Jenkins stating what I was thinking when it came to the ease of the heist.
Chapter 2
The monologue the doctor gives dragged a bit and seemed unnatural for the tone you've set with this. Also, the line the doctor says when he is getting defensive was a bit jarring after how the doctor had been previously talking to the man.

Originality

Chapter 1 reminded me of most action films concerning a man pulling a heist for someone else and then the whole thing turning out to be a set up. The pitch is really the only reason I was curious enough to read the next chapter see how he becomes a vampire, but the first chapter does not do enough to make me want to keep reading. When I got to chapter two, I could see more originality, but there is still some things that remind me of other vampire novels, such as the extremely muscular build. It seemed, especially with the 8 pack, like the modern idea of vampires being closer to a sex symbol.

Publishability

Parts of the first chapter were very difficult to get through because of their flow and that might be hard for an agent as well when they review it. Perhaps go back and look at places that might be a little bit unclear in action and check on the continuity, especially in that first chapter.

Good luck and I hope this is helpful!
- K. D.

Bad Blood
AWESOME! This is one of the most compelling, entertaining and exciting novels I've ever read! Great!

Your short pitch needs work. I think if you use part of your long pitch ..."After surgery they called me a psuedo-vampire ... They really shouldn't have done it. The only thing I wanted was to get out! But ..." come up with something really compelling like the rest of it!

Your mechanics are very good. I noticed a few missing commas.

This will be on my WL and will sit on my shelf as soon as there is a space.
Raechel
Echo

Mitch,
Loving the pace of this and the first person works really well. Ch1 fairly hurtled along, could almost hear the "mission impossible fuse" Your MC is likeable and his asides to the reader are amusing. Ch2, now that's clever stuff. Ch3 and the bad boy's are out to play and by comparison Reynolds is starting to shine. Ch4 and it's confirmed, he may have been turned into a freak, but he's a good freak.
This is such an easy read, lots happening, believable reactions to unbelievable things. An excellent thriller with a twist. Will be reading on, high starred and WL'd in the meantime.

Babs

Bad Blood.
Chapter 1 - The reader meets Reynolds on the roof of a museum just as he's about to break in. A very business-like opening. He's been employed to steal a box for someone who is prepared to pay handsomely to get it. Not frantic about Reynolds directly addressing a reader. For me, it lessened the drama of a theft gone wrong and made it light-heartedly flippant. 'He caught sight of Winded (well, should probably call him Mangled now' is unrealistic in such a tense situation, as Reynolds would surely be focused on surviving and getting away unscathed, not making silly quips. The fight scene would be over in a matter of minutes if not seconds and because it follows every move made during it, a lot of tension is lost, in my opinion.
Chapter 2 - Reynolds comes across as too impulsive. Storming into Jenkins home/office is rather unprofessional and lands him in the soup, which turns out to be of genetic composition. Liked your description of the scientist's explanations of augmentations installed, to enhance Reynolds narural abilities and the fail safe system installed in him to make sure he complies with what Jenkins wants done. It sounded very authentic. 'I woke up some time later', if Reynolds hadn't there wouldn't be a story maybe something like - I have no clue how long I slept, I only know I slept deeply.
In the overcrowded, done to death vampire genre this is a refreshing twist. The pace is very fast and will probably appeal to young adults.

Nanty - Chrys!

Bad Blood was recommended by CC Brown author of Dark Side. I read, rated, and BACKED your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side and find a place for it on your shelf. Thanks.
Sue50

This is an original take on the vampire idea - it's nice to see it lifted out of the Twilight mould. Your book opens with great drama and pace, and is well written and exciting. Although it's not the kind of thing I would normally read I found myself carried along with events in this first chapter - and I very much liked the intrigue you opened up at the end with the promise of finding out the story behind the robbery. My only criticism of this chapter was that I found it a little over-long - but I'm not so keen on fight scenes - others may differ.
Well worth backing,

Anna
Angelwings

Let me start out by saying that I don’t normally do in-depth commentary because I don’t think that I’ve been writing long enough to be able to help others out.

To start off, it was hard for me to switch of pleasure reading into critical reading because your story is enjoyable (which when you think about it, is a good thing).

Chapter 1:
-the first few lines draw the reader right in, with them wanting more.
-a few paragraphs in, you get the idea that something isn’t right, urging the reader to read on and find out what.
-I understand why you use the phrase ‘fight or flight’, but I think that it is used too much. [This has been brought to my attention recently for my writing, so now I’m seeing it more often. I don’t know if it is that I’m oversensitive to it or if the issue is really there. Your call.]
-as I’ve never been inside a thief’s head, I can’t say for sure, but I don’t think that einy-meeny-miney-mo goes well there. If you put it in for comic relief, however, it works.
-as things continue, you get the sense that Jenkins has something to do with the dread you’ve been feeling via the MC
-at the end, you have no idea what happened to the MC and I can think of no reason that would cause someone to stop reading there

Chapter 2:
-the reader is right there with the MC while he discovers everything that has changed. The plot moves quickly along.
-even if everyone does not understand all of the technical terms, you still get the idea that many drastic changes were made. (Being an engineer, I found the way that you used one of the big research topics in your story, albeit in a twisted/unique manner.)
-the reader experiences everything right along with the MC
-again, the end of the chapter leaves the reader hungry for more.

I hope that this helped you and/or was what you were looking for.

Stylized and slick, this adventure reads like a detective story- first person account. Although the story shows promise with original characters and ideas, the novel itself needs a good edit. A writer's group in your area is always a positive influence on someone's work.

thank you, dawn
Blood War

A few too many I's but otherwise an entertaining and pretty well written read. I enjoyed it and had no problems with the tempo and rhythm of the writing. Backed.
Cheers, B. Cameron Lee (Diary of a Serial Killer)

A few too many I's but otherwise an entertaining and pretty well written read. I enjoyed it and had no problems with the tempo and rhythm of the writing. Backed.
Cheers, B. Cameron Lee (Diary of a Serial Killer)

A few too many I's but otherwise an entertaining and pretty well written read. I enjoyed it and had no problems with the tempo and rhythm of the writing. Backed.
Cheers, B. Cameron Lee (Diary of a Serial Killer)

A few too many I's but otherwise an entertaining and pretty well written read. I enjoyed it and had no problems with the tempo and rhythm of the writing. Backed.
Cheers, B. Cameron Lee (Diary of a Serial Killer)

I have read and thoroughly enjoyed your first chapter and will make time to read the rest. Your writing shows a good sense of rhythm and tension which sweeps the reader along quickly, and your idea is very different. I like it and will back and put on my watchlist. Return the favour if you have time?

The pitch for Bad Blood grabbed me with its underlying controlled aggression and I thought that if the ensuing prose was like this then. . .It was, so no worries there, then. A modern update of Frankie's piecemeal baby, it is written in non shrinking violet prose and an in-your-face narrative that buzzes. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

Cool chapter 2 Mitch,
I still don't understand why they had to make Reynolds LOOK like a vampire? I mean Bella Lagossi Dracula stuff? White face, sharp teeth, feels pain with the sunlight and silver, etc. Why didn't they force him to sleep in a coffin and say to everybody, "Good Evening" with a transylvanian accent? Jenkins has no originality!
Doctor's description of the procedure sounded brilliant. Good research Mitch :-)
Had Reynolds looked more like a human but with vampire powers (like in the Twilight movie) it might seem realistic, but now the poor guy looks like an Adams Family reject. No wonder he's pissed and wants to avenge Jenkins.
Will read on.
Kirk

Very well written. Your dialogue and characterizations are excellent. Backed.

I hope you will take a look at my novel, Earth Reaver. I welcome any comments and your backing.

Herschel Shirley

Mitch,

You've got a winner here! This is rocket-paced and a lot of fun. Your narration has the exact stylistic pop that it needs, and you've got a perfect amount of twists and turns. Loving it!

Nice work! Backed! Looking forward to your thoughts on Head Games!

Kevin Alex Baker
Head Games

Project Vampire has its third successful recruit, a professional burglar who had always been under the impression crimes pays. It seems he needs the organisation as his umbilical cord, because for carrying out criminal acts, they will supply him with all of his needs.
Imprisonment without due process, Reynolds probably wished he gave himself up to the police at the museum.
Cross reference Reynolds on any data base, and will you find an address, or uncover some of his personel life/ criminal connections, what I most like about Bad Blood is the clandestine approach, as we stay mostly in the dark. A man called Jenkins runs the organisation, and Reynolds owns a bicycle, is the extent of the information given in the opening chapters. Between the action scenes and the transformation, the story gets off to a rip roaring start so why should it be slowed down by petty inconsquence. Start with a bang and end with a bang thats what a good story is about and I have no trouble giving Bad Blood my backing.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Hi Mitch,

Chapter one

Great storyline. Narration with the museum break-in reminds me a lot of Harry Harrison's "Stainless Steel Rat" books.

The writing is fantastic and I can't find any nitpicks. I can so far offer some suggestions:

Got confused with the part on "Skinhead":
"Seems pretty obvious, with the whole jerking when electrocuted thing, but hey..."
Suggestion: "Seems pretty obvious, when one jerks with the electrocuted thing, but hey..."

Suggestion: "I gazed at the artefacts around me...One case held a pair of Tomahawks, (the axe, not the missile).

While the glove I wore protected my hand, it , coupled with my awkward position (was the comma between "it" necessary?).

Scene with tomahawk on cop, is it spelled "dumbass" ,or "dumb ass" ,or "dumb-ass"?

When Reynolds kicks open the door to confront Jenkins, who does the clap, clap, clap and says "you did well..."
my first words would have been (if I were Reynolds) "shut the fuck up old man, you set me up you son of a bitch." (only a suggestion).

The story is fascinating. Backing while I go through the chapters.

Kirk

This opened with a great voice that pulled me in immediately. I like the character off the bat, even if he is engaging in some undesirable (at least to the law) dory of behavior. I'm not a fan of sci fi in books, but the way this story played out, I could see it being turned ALSO into a movie--and that is something I would definitely want to see. This promises to be a really gripping read, start to finish. the fast paced scenes are perfect for a thriller as well.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

OK, so I've read chapter one and have plenty of things I want to suggest (pitty I can't turn it into a word doc and suggest changes in the edit mode) so bare with me: I'm on the protagonist's side from his first funny comment (closing line of para 2). The tone is suitable because considering what's to come in his life I understand the flippant way he looks back on that night (a tomohawke fight in a museum swarming with cops is nothing in comparison). Regarding the para starting "In that instant": You have 'instant' then 'instinct' then 'instinct' again in the next sentance which sets up a bit of a tongue twister. I'd suggest starting the sentance with something in place in instant and for the second 'instinct' I'd drop the "my" to tie it directly back to the previous section and fits with the witty rambling banter style which makes it OK for the repitition in close proximity. "$10,000" doesn't suit the style, he'd say something like "ten big ones" or "ten grand"? "Shaking off those thoughts" is a cliche - perhaps show us what he does rather than tell, eg. shake his head to rattle what he should be thinking about to the forefront of his consciousness. In a critique I'd usually point out all the weak modifiers but in this context they work, so I won't bore you.
Overall, I don't know how you manage to make this all so funny and the character so endearing, but you do so congratulations. I also don't know why I'm reading a narrative about vampires and a protagonist who does not believe in God and uses profanity, but here I am... reading it (if you read my bio you'll understnad what I'm getting at). That alone suggests the hook is far above average and the writing more than engaging.

Hey,
I just read your pitch and was definitely drawn to it. Very descriptive... gives you an insight as to where this story might be leading.
So far a very creative way to write for the Vampire genre. It's good to have a scientifically based story. Definitely want to read more. Watch Listed for sure!!

DJ.Berquist
http://dianajanesworld.webs.com

FORBIDDEN BLOOD.
My KILLER INTUITION.

I looked at this several days ago, read a few chapters, gave a comment and left. It is always far too frustrating getting really involved in a half-finished book. Unfortunately, I couldn't stop thinking about it, and have just returned to read every little bit you have loaded. A very exciting ride.
I was thinking about the differences between what appeals to men and what appeals to women. This is a fast action book that I like very much, that blokes will like, but if you wanted to make a wider appeal, there needs to be a little more introspection, I think. Women like strong but vulnerable. JJ simply comes across as strong. Maybe a little more about the light problem, garlic at lunch-time, even his pale, pale complexion and pink eyes. Think strong James Bond in that scene in a movie, I forget which one, when he is exchanged from North Korea, jabbed with a needle and goes down. Vulnerable, strong.
Another minor point, - by the time they raided the Baddie camp, shouldn't he have been craving a drink of blood? It was a couple of days, I think, and full of action. Earlier you said that around 48 hrs, and he'd be suffering withdrawal.
For 13 chapters, it is remarkably free of errors.
This is a very good book, which has to stay on my recommended list. Marj.

I found chapter one a bit slow to get in with too much narratiion and internal thoughts but once the action starts it reads smooth and fast. If you could edit the begining a bit and get to the point sooner it would be my only nit pic.

I like the flows of your narration and the inside dialogue of the main character. Watch that that dialgoue doesn't slip into rambling, you do seem to get a little carried away with the inner thoughts. With light editing this is easily fixable. I like the urban feel of this, and the way you "under" describe your world that at once is also descriptive enough. good job.

E. (silver flows east)

I looked in on the beginning of your story and got turned off by the beginning. 'It all hapened when I was... Why put it this way? He's there--now. Why not start: I looked around from the top of.

Francene. Still Rock Water.

Fabulous fun to read :) Loved the premise. Popped you on my shelf. Good luck :)

Jason Bourne? Jason Bloodsucking M.F.! Lots of fun! It's really good to hear dialogue that is modern, contemporary, muscular. A great premise, with believable quasi-science.
Ch. 2 exposition reads fine to me. Not too long-winded, but plenty of detail to be convincing. Maybe add a little more action by the scientist, you know, checking Mr. Reynolds over, shining the light in his eyes, sticking the ocular in his ear, smacking his knee with the little rubber mallet, stuff like that . . .
That said . . . go get 'em, tiger!
sc
ps - Perfect cover art.

Dear Mitch,

Fabulous action packed drama from the the beginning, very fantastic read. Honestly, you have created a most interesting and unique twist of a vampire genre. Though artificial, yet, fine and good. Coherent description, stylish and compelling tale. Though in the first person, that helps to convey the story to a gleeful glare. Bad Blood, an unfolding potential and conventional masterpiece. All the best of luck.

At first I thought "Oh no not another Vampire book. But in fact yours is different from the rest which in my book makes it unique. It is so well written that it is quite believable. It is no problem at all for me to Back this work of art. IF you can make time for my book, I will appreciate it very much..
Pamela 'THE OUTRAGE'

Can't edit my comment, so I'll add another. Ch 6, excellent, including the description of the 'blood high.' One error, 'discrete' should be 'discreet.' Different spelling, different word.
Your writing keeps all the attention. Backed without a moment's doubt. Marj.

The first person narration races you into the story. It is a conversational tone, though with more detail than a speaker would ever give. Your story is filled with excitement, and I would like to see it succeed. I only noticed one error, and I'm not quite sure it is an error, Ch 1, early, 'after shimming inside.' Did you mean 'shimmying?"

Mitch.
Bad Blood is a bl**dy great book. I have got to ch.9 But ch.2 is clever, whilst ch.5 is well written in how it describes the change. Ch. 6 /7 are spooky. So love it so far. Will read more and comment properly, but want to BACK you now before I forget.
Also ask if you would reciprocate and give my childrens' book some feedback.
Many thanks.
Jerry [paperbat]

I liked this, very impressive and a great new take on the typical vampire story! Fresh, well structured with a strong voice. I think this could do very well. Backed with pleasure and greatest of luck to you!
Christi Watson
Wonder- Heart of Captivation- A Thief of Life Novel

100 mph rap. Fast paced which makes you want to pause to catch your breath....easily backed.

Angus Shoor Caan.

Violet Hiccup.

Backed Bad Blood. Action right from the beginning! Quite a new twist for a vampire story! We love anything with vampires since we just completed one. Wish you the very best of luck.
CC Brown
Dark Side

You have created a most interesting and unique twist of the vampire genre. A man made vampire. Well done. I like your choice to use the first person narrative voice. This allows you to vonvey, and you do it well, all of Reynolds' feelings, thoughts, fears, observations and emmotions. Your use of short paragraphs keeps the pace of your story well and your imaginative writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Quirky, stylish and strangely compelling - I love your twist on the classic vampire tale, and your writing is a treat. On my shelf.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

I read many books about vampires and the stuff but never read things like this. This is very unusual and very good. I like it very much. The way you designed about the character is really nice. PLeasure to read it.

BAcked.
S. Vinay Kumar

The ark and the aroma of peril.

Fabulous action and drama in your opening chapter. I'm fascinated by your MC. You've built up his character in a masterful way, using his own thoughts during his hectic rampage through the museum. The hook at the end of the chapteris a good one, and will have the most jaded reader turning the page. I can't nitpick at any of it! Well done. Backed with pleasure!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Well Mitch, I have read through chapter three and even the pitch scared me. I don't always like first-person but thought it was very good here and useful for us to hear this poor chap's awful feelings from his POV. I think you do this convincingly and am very happy to back a book that many will love--because lots of people love to be scared silly!!! But if I have nightmares tonight I will definitely blame you.
Barbara
The Sea Pillow.
PS--You writing is very visual and I could see the scenes very clearly!

I don't read vampire stories so I'm not writing from experience of this genre. I did think your pitch suggested an original approach to becoming a vampire although it didn't explain why scientists would want to go to such trouble. What are the benefits of having blood-needy individuals. That needs telling up front so that we get a fix on what your world is to be. I had a little difficulty empathising with your MC. If he's mean and vicious before vampirisation, let's have a background, let's have his reasoning. If it's first person particularly, we need to be in his head. Then the drama will have much more impact. I backed you.
Lara
Good For Him

Lots of vampire books here. A little bit of a different approach on this one and the writing is competent. Only read a little--enough to see it's worth giving a chance. On my shelf.

This is fantastic! I was getting bored with the whole vampires thing, thought it had been done to death but this story has proved me wrong. Intelligent, witty and cleverly constructed, a very original take on a traditional story. Backed with pleasure, best of luck.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

Hi Mitch

I always back quality

BACKED

I hope you get the chance to take a little peek inside The Russian Hat

Sincerley
Brendan