Marking Time

Marking Time

Hi Crispy,

I am a young man, with a love of science, cooking, music and the Lake Districi. I play guitar. My greatest love is writing comedy. – you wrote, but you are also a flipping genius. This is probably one of the most publishable pieces of writing I have had the pleasure to read on this site. Incisive, witty, engaging and very clever. Backed, backed, backed and I will set up a thread on the forum to advertise it mercilessly, you have been warned.

No idea what's going on yet...it's fantastic...

Welcome to this site by the way.

Best wishes – Andrew W
(Sanctuary’s Loss)

I don’t know where this story is going but it was a heck of a lot of fun reading! I haven’t a shred of talent for wit and humour in writing and appreciate it like mad in others. You’re one of those on this site with a gift for what's comic in storytelling, the success of which has much to do with timing. It will take you somewhere if that’s what you want. It’s no surprise Adam and Pratchett are your favourite reads.

Fix the linebreaks that keep this from being the smooth reading experience it deserves to be.

MARKING TIME
This is an interesting story. Beginning with the dog’s view of the world was a clever way to start. I liked the way Dave tried to find a reason why he couldn’t go to work that day; we’ve all tried that at some time. Dialogue is a strength of this. Always short and often very amusing (the “mm-mm” response a good example). If I had a suggestion it would be to look at your copy and take out the sentences that start on one line but continue on the next to make this easier on your reader. Either way, it’s a good story. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

You know, you never know what you're going to get with a swap read, but I'm absolutely delighted. Daft and original! I've known many teachers in my life. The Deadwood School is awfully close to reality.

You've got great comic timing, which is hard to do in prose, but which I look for in any comic novel. You seem to have an instinct for it. Oh, also, great, clean prose, and very funny, but believable dialogue.

I've read not quite half of what you've posted, and I'll read more as time permits. I'm giving this 6 stars, and as soon as I can clear a space on my bookshelf, I'll put it there.

My only suggestion for improvement is your long pitch. A little too long for my taste, and it smacks almost of being a synopsis. I'd shorten it, maybe ending after "rabbits falling (possibly) from the sky."

Great job. Mark

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.

Marvelous marvelous work. This is a gem, plucked from a mind that is cornucopiish :-) and exists to extend its eternal flow of fun for us to bathe in. Six-starred, my friend. Awesome.

Leelah saachi
("When fear comes back to Love")

I am not qualified to give you a real critique, but I can share with you what an average (if there is such a thing) reader would think.
Elvis sets the tone well and Dave and Paul are quite funny. The writing though strong in dialogue still paints the picture very well of what is taking place. The style is enjoyably original and a pleasure to read. I rated the book highly and enjoyed what I read immensely. Thank you for sharing it here.
Roy Belletete -In Search of a Memory-

Hi Crispy,

Two chapters of really well-written comedy. You've got a great style -great voice and droll delivery. Love the sense of the ridiculous with Elvis the dog at the beginning...hard thing to pull off but you did it with ease. As a teacher, I really related to the two teachers' conversation before their classes -that sense of forboding doom...it's EXACTLY how we feel! Loved the cab driver conversation too - again so relatable and such economic and memorable characterisation. Chapter two and the melted cheese part -I'm sorry but you need to fix that formatting....don't think a publisher would put up with it -however playful. It really stopped my flow of reading which was a pity as I really, really like your style. Let me know when you fix it and I'll be back -to back ya!

Best,
Kaal Kaczmarek
Cousin Felicity and the Eels of Misty Point

Marking Time is a bizarre tale told bizarrely. It’s also quite a fun read, enough to induce laughs from a bookish curmudgeon hovered over his screen at 11:15 on a Wednesday night. This does not happen often.

Author Crispy has a style that is unique, and readers won’t be able to resist it. One interesting thing is that at times you won’t be able to tell if a mundane story is being told superbly by the author, making the normal extraordinary as part of their craft, or if all this oddness is actually happening. Or both.

I can’t really think of a similar book. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy comes to mind, but Marking Time is more off-center than even that. I can imagine that a lot of authors have probably tried to tell a crazy tale like this, but very few have probably succeeded in creating something this good.

Marking Time is like candy for adults. It will make you laugh. It will make you think. Delving into this supremely weird yet engaging world is a great experience, certainly better than just marking time. The folks who advertise books could have a field day promoting this one, though I believe that it should find success once published no matter what. Word of mouth and genuine appreciation will see to that. Backed and starred…and thoroughly enjoyed.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

hi Crispy,
what can I say? Maddogs and Englishmen . . . This is hilarious, but also worry-inducing, considering that these dubious characters are in charge of the people that are supposed to be our leaders in the very near future. Still, who would do the job of nutland-interface, if we didn't have Dave, George and Tony? And quite frankly they should change their policies and employ Elvis cos he's sound. But I'm digressing.

I chuckled, grinned and laughed out loud through several chapters. What are you like? Hiding behind a cheese-plant with your ingenious book while checking that your nose hasn't got three holes, I suppose. But, please, do something about that blood-pressure, as we need you like a beer-mug needs a pint!!! Or, like the new generation needs sensitive and empathetic teachers who understand the plight of being a kiddy underdog in this country.

Your book should be part of the coming curriculum, which will probably change for the tenth time in this decade, and it ought to be made compulsory reading for Head-teachers and educational politicians. I've always worried about the education system, but you have shown me the light and now I know this was completely unfounded. These guys will actually put the world to rights. Thank you for drawing my attention to this book! It will be on my shelf in a couple of days.

Ame
Normsville Trilogy and Wolfmother

This book is a real pleasure to read. It is well written, engaging and extremely funny. I wish you the very best of luck on your way to the ED. Six stars and on my WL awaiting promotion. Yours Bea

Hello Crispy,

Managed to find time to take a look at this and I'm glad that I did - thoroughly enjoyed what I read. I see that a lot of comments below heap praise on the opening chapter with Elvis the dog (although maybe thats because a lot of people only read the first chapter here) but that was actually the part I liked least. It read a little twee to me, but as soon as we moved onto the sardonic exchanges between the two teachers I was in there. In there like swimwear!

Its a humourous book (the line about a bag of crisps being mostly air hit me most, dunno why) but in places it seems too relentlessly eager to amuse. I found the quip-heavy conversation between Dave and the Doctor particularly wearing. It was all bang! bang! bang! whereas sometimes it might be better to have a low rumble and then a VERY BIG BANG!

Know what I mean? I'm not a professional critic, as you can probably tell.

That aside, I read up to chapter 5 (Authonomy Chapter 5, thats probably about chapter 1000007 in your dog-year chapters - those are nippy, though, I like 'em) and found it bright, funny and engaging. I didn't detect much semblance of a plot, but it didn't trouble me at all - too busy enjoying it, wishing I had time to read more.

Dave

Hi Bill,

Thanks so much for the comment and good luck with Haktaw Heart.

The selective deafness employed is in respect of an explanation by one pupil to another about how to steal a car. Hence the explanation is useful, if you have locked your keys inside.

All the best

Crispy,

I applaud anyone who can write comedy. It's such a difficult thing to get right.
I found myself smiling througout the first few chapters and enjoyed your light easy style. I think some of the humor may have been lost on me — a cultural UK/US thing. for example I understand what selective deafness is but it wasn't clear to me what the three to four sentences following the term were about.


I see you received praise on your limited use of dialogue tags and while I'm not a big fan of dialogue tags with every sentence it would be nice to have two at the very beginning of the Dave section so it's clear who is saying what from the get go.

If the weird formatting at the beginning of melted cheese substitute was supposed to simulate drunken dizziness, it worked.

Keep em laughing,
Best of Luck

Bill
Haktaw Heart

Crispy,

I applaud anyone who can write comedy. It's such a difficult thing to get right.
I found myself smiling througout the first few chapters and enjoyed your light easy style. I think some of the humor may have been lost on me — a cultural UK/US thing. for example I understand what selective deafness is but it wasn't clear to me what the three to four sentences following the term were about.


I see you received praise on your limited use of dialogue tags and while I'm not a big fan of dialogue tags with every sentence it would be nice to have two at the very beginning of the Dave section so it's clear who is saying what from the get go.

If the weird formatting at the beginning of melted cheese substitute was supposed to simulate drunken dizziness, it worked.

Keep em laughing,
Best of Luck

Bill
Haktaw Heart

Crispy, my friend,

It honestly takes a lot to make me laugh out loud when reading a book, sitting on my own. With "Marking Time" however, I was laughing at an average rate of at least once every three paragraphs, and reading with a broad smile on my face for the remaining two! You've got such a dead-pan approach to comedy, like a kind of literary Buster Keaton, where the jokes creep up on me and take me by suprise, and are twice as funny as a consequence.

I take it that there is little "plot" as such, only a series of bizarre incidents. Personally, I am more than happy with that, though I think it might stand against you as far as getting the book published is concerned. Which is annoying, because any attempt to "shoehorn" these little episodes into a conventional plot would probably ruin them.

Anyway, I've given "Marking Time" six stars (believe me, I don't do that often do that) and shortly I will be re-jigging my bookshelf to make space for it. To have a book as entertaining as this languishing below 1000 is an absolute crime.

Good Luck and Good Writing

John Bayliss

Hi Crispy,

I'm here for our read swap. So sorry it’s taken me so long to get here. Below are my findings. They are, of course, my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth.

In your short pitch, “hilariously” is awkward.

There should not be a comma after “sense”

You have three “ly” adverbs in the short pitch alone. Overuse of those weaken your writing, so be careful.
“’helped’ by some very eccentric friends.” This is sort of awkward, too. What are they helping? The bizarreness of his life or his trying to make sense of it? It’s not clear the way you’ve written it.

Needs to be a semicolon after “retirement” in the long pitch (to be consistent with the list formation you’re going with.

That first paragraph is hilarious!

I love the lists for their humor, but they might be overdone. Kind of slows the pace of the pitch. Maybe it’s just me.

You say “this” a lot. Gets redundant.

The premise of this is AWESOME. I can’t wait to read on. My biggest suggestion for your pitches is to whittle it down some. Too much backstory here. You’re just trying to entice the reader to push onward.

I read the whole first chapter (especially loved the Dave character’s). This is fantastic! Couldn’t find anything to change, and the voice is perfect for humor writing. Well-paced and just flat out good writing. I thoroughly enjoyed this and will back it when I have a spot.

By the way, i think I already asked you this, so forgive me, but did you say you had a cover coming? If not, interested in one? I'd love to take a stab. I have a link on my profile to other designs I've done. No worries if you're not interested. Just was curious. It'd be free of course. Would just ask for credit.

Again, great stuff!

All the best,

Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Marking Time. Understatement is often advisable when writing comedy, so I'd be inclined to delete the words frantically and hilariously from your short pitch.
The promises given in your long pitch intrigue me - especially the Taoist monks who also fit bathrooms. Again, I'd be more economical with your adjectives.

Ch.1. The pace is fast and the writing light and easy to read. You could probably omit the explanatory bits about the dog's behaviour. Dave's dialogue is snappy and realistic.

Ch.2. You do the monologue so very well, I'm there slurping beer with Dave, listening. Love the thoulght a chair-related breakdown conjures up. And you've got the drunken humour bang-on.
Is Dave lying or sitting on his bed as he eats the pizza - you dont make it clear, and flopping hints at lying, but how can he take a swig from a wine bottle, even if he is drunk?
Oh, he must have been sitting, then.

Ch.3. Your humour is addictive.
Chs. 4-5. I really must stop.

Thankyou for lightening my day!
Jane (Breath of Africa)

The fact that this book hasn't received a star in just under two years tells you just how difficult a genre this is. This is smart, appropriately crisp, clean and entertaining...if you really are a young man, then your future as a writer looks a lot brighter than mine!
Well done
Stewart
Lord Randle's Wee/Willy

Backed and star rated Marking Time. Well done! Love the humor. Some parts are laugh-out-loud funny! Good job on dialogue. Happy to back you. Hope you have will take a look at our book, Dark Side
CC Brown.

Like how you split the chapter into sections with Elvis and Dave. Both are good both are good but Elvis definitely sticks out just because he’s a dog. Your writing is perfect but your dialogue is what your best at no doubt. It’s simple, straight to the point and it rings true.

You don’t go into too much description which is nice. It makes the piece flow REALLY fast. It seems like an action story but it wasn’t. Your dialogue sure made it go a hundred miles per hour though. a good read, and you definitely get to keep your 6 stars. I had just read a more relaxed piece so this was a very refreshing read since I love fast stories and writing that can read really quickly.

I think right from the start you need to say what kind of dog Elvis is.

‘here and here’ should it be ‘here and there’?

‘in ten minutes and i’ll be’ comma after minutes

This is good. I'm pretty sure a certain publisher will be round soon to comment. I love the rapid interchange of dialogue in Dave, the stichomythia. No 'he saids' 'she saids' liberates everything, and no description is needed because everyone knows where it is, and who it is. It has a safe 'location', and feels comfortable. Very publishable. WLd.

This is a cute collection of little snickers. Well done...
Kirk

Crispy,
Marking Time is quite an amusing collection. I could easily picture Elvis basking in the sunshine and wish I could join him in his carefree existence. He reminds me of some canine friends I've known and I don't think he has anything in common with his famous namesake. Comedy is a fine art and you have it mastered.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

I remember reading a bit of this a while ago. Always disappointing to see comic writing of this quality not getting the support it deserves. Excellent pitch and opening chapter, full of colourful and eccentric characters and original narrative. Six stars, and hope my backing can help restore the green arrow.

Well done! Love the dialogue and humor. Happy to back you. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Sue50

Hi, loved this book. The characters Dave and Tony are great and all the animals that they meet along the way are quirky, fun and very, very random. I loved it when Arthur said 'marvelous'

This is excellent the kind of book that could be made into a movie by Tim Burton

I haven't read it all yet but it's on my shelf and watch list so I can finish it another time

This is freaking awesome writing! Well done Crispy....you know what you're doing. You start the day with such a surprising point of view...how the hell could anyone turn away from the page (or screen in this case). The story moves so fast, but the cadence is perfctly timed with either the break or the tension. I particularly loved the dialogue...the way you used "yeb" was amazing....I could hear that as clear as my alarm clock.

Enjoyed reading the first chapter and I look forward to reading more of your work! I'll get up on the shelf in the next rotation--6 stars for now.

Cheers,
Dwayne
A Killer's Kind

I saw this posted on the forums and thought I'd check out the first few lines. I hadn't planned on reading much more, but the second I reached the lines, "You don't? Try it. It's terribly liberating," I was hooked. Great voice.

The premise intrigued me. As a teacher in the United States, I was curious to read about the differences between the two systems, especially one following a comical story such as this. So far, you've delivered. This is a very entertaining read.

The interaction to start Dave's perspective was hilarious. Humorous, polished, and well-written. Thank you for avoiding unnecessary dialogue tags. It was a relief!

"Ten pounds if you stab me in the leg with it." This is hilarious.

The short sections and tightly written paragraphs in this opening kept the pace quick. I devoured this first chapter in no time.

Minor suggestions: There wasn't a whole lot I'd change in this. Maybe consider cutting some of the adverbs? Your writing is strong enough without them.

Minor typos: Several commas weren't necessary (i.e. He sympathised, and decided to go for broke.)

Maybe it's just the fact that I'm a teacher, and I've seen Dave in some of my co-workers, but I found this to be an excellent first chapter. The writing is tight and well-edited, and the humor is actually funny. In fact, this is one of the few novels I've come across on authonomy that made me laugh out loud. Quite an accomplishment. I'll be back for more. Great start!

Hi Crispy,

This is a hilarious sendup of the education system in Britain (though I live in Canada, there are parallels), and how you ended up including an otter and dolphins - kudos. As someone who adores Brit comedy, you've got a very strong, very British voice that shines through. Highly rated for now, and you're on my watchlist.

Cheers!

Some very funny parts to the book. Leporsy... Anyhow i have rated the book and do plan on returning to read more.
Red
Illusions of Comfort

Some very funny parts to the book. Leporsy... Anyhow i have rated the book and do plan on returning to read more.
Red
Illusions of Comfort

Crispy,
I enjoyed the first chapter of “Marking Time” and especially liked the description of dog-speak: aararggraagruf; Hgruf. Words like “flappiness” and “snuffle”add to the whimsy!
Looks like a fun and quirky tale—good luck with it!
Jt

Oooh a nice stretch, you've just made me take on. And in front of people, too! Terrific rapid-fire dialogue and crazy situations and characters. Odd that I'm having my bathroom fixed at the minute, and the two lads doing it are definitely not monks! Excellent caper

P

This has some delightful scenes and many very funny lines. I read all of it and enjoyed it a lot. I liked the start – even the dog - and instantly empathised with Dave and Paul (after all, they do a scary job, so who wouldn’t feel for them!). For me, it really took off in Ch.3 and become funnier as it went. I particularly liked the visit to the doctor and the waiting-room scene beforehand. I also enjoyed the Tao guys, the incident with the penguin, and the story of Kevin. Some of my favourite lines were the doctor’s happy as a pig line; “don’t do explanations”; “He screamed at them first”; and “We got the thick one”.
There are a few areas where it could be polished a little more. The parts that didn’t work for me so well were the Brother Smith and Brother Thomas scenes in Ch.7 and 8. And in a couple of places it took a bit of effort to work out what was going on: the first scene with Adrian, Torch Night, the business about Mr Snuggles, and the Fish of great experience.
I think that, from a technical point of view, Mooderino makes some good points below (he always does). However, the points he makes didn’t trouble me so much as I was able to enjoy the fun of the characters, situations and conversations. My only comment would be that it’s not clear where the story is going. (It seems, like its title, to be marking time. I guess that’s the point?)
So, although I’m sure it can be improved, I enjoyed what I read very much. I found some very minor points and typos which I will send you separately in a message. Good luck with it.

Also, I gave you six stars.

I LOVE this book. You have a true voice, a very funny one. The dialoue is terrific and I think some interesting things will occur. I shall back this with pleasure BUT you must promise at least to look at mine. Your opening with the dog is particularly relevant, as you shall see. I think we have a shared sensibility.

Good luck - you deserve it!
Best,
Andi Brown

Dear Crispy,

sorry it took me so long to get back to this but I'll be visiting again and again. It is simply marvelous entertainment.

I'm enjoying this very much indeed. High star and will be back to back!

Rusty
the Mental Pause

Writing is good, jokes okay (some are quite funny), structure is a bit loose, somewhat lacking in restraint.

The opening with the dog was a little random, not sure what the point was other than to introduce us to the dog (which you can do when the dog has some relevance to the story). It’s a well written piece, but that isn’t enough to make it interesting. It’s a bit like me describing my dog to you. It’s my dog, the description triggers lots of memories in me, but you don’t know the dog, or me and you never asked for a description.

The journey to work has funny lines in it, but too many. If you have six good gags that all do the same narrative job (he doesn’t fancy going to work) you have to choose one and kill the rest. More gags won’t add logs to the fire, it’ll add water. If you have one line in the car and one line when they get to school, job done. I know it’s hard to choose, but they don’t say ‘kill your darlings’ for nothing.

It reads okay but it’s drawn out and inefficient. It’s easy to describe how someone’s dressed if you list every item of clothing they’re wearing, being amusing about it will only buy you so much goodwill. You have to be more surgical about it. Same with the taxi driver.

So the point of the first chapter, I would suggest, is that he hates his job and the rubbish kids he’s lumbered with. That’s clear from his attitude, but you don’t show it. He goes in and comes out and we have to rely on his eagerness to get to the pub. Everyone’s keen to get to the pub on a Friday, you have to write a scene of him in class so we see his predicament. Writing that kind of scene is more tedious than writing banter, but far more necessary and you skipped over it. I would suggest you cut back everything else to bare minimum and concentrate on that.

The stuff in the pub is fairly unremarkable. His story about the kid and the irate mother goes nowhere. That may be the point, but it doesn’t make it any more interesting to read. Even though the writing is better than most, the subject matter and approach is very familiar. Too familiar. Writing character’s without a purpose is tricky (believe me I know) even if they later get one, you have to get the reader that far in. You may not agree of course, but if what I’m saying strikes a chord, you might find this blog post about how to fix this problem interesting: http://moodywriting.blogspot.com/2011/02/boring-characters.html

I enjoyed the randomness, very amusing. I like the way you've broken it up into sections. You're writing is very real with just the slightest hint of sarcasm running throughout, just up my street. Best of luck with it, I'll keep it on the shelf a while longer. No criticism because I couldn't think of any. :-)

Funny and enjoyable. Flowed effortlessly and really enjoyed the humour found in the mundane, after all, life is the mundane and we have to draw what we can from it. I'm sure you'll face notes about technical flaws and P.O.V's, but for me the test comes in the enjoyment gained, and this has passed with flying colours.

Only petty point I'd make is when you mention the swapping of the 'L' and 'D' in the school title, I presumed to spell Dealers, it took me a moment to work that out. Lot's of D's floating around to swap.

I'm very loyal to my bookshelf, as they only made it there because I found something special in them, but you have made me consider where I can fit you in. I'm amazed at the time of writing, and considering the plaudits below, that you're only on three bookshelves.

Good luck

Hey, this is a fun read. I like the characters and want to read more. I am useless at constructive comments, I know, but this is great, and I want to read it...nuff said.

China

Crispy,
I got started on "Marking Time" and couldn't stop. Your character Dave, his amazing friends and equally amazing pets all conditon the reader to go with the flow and expect the unexpected as their antics unfold before him one after the other. There is an economy of words in your dialogue that make it so effective and funny. Need I say more? Thanks foir the enjoyable read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Well, this is rather different. I'm not sure quite what to say, but I found it fun, Dave's character quite amusing. I didn't know what to expect after reading about Elvis the dog, but I sort of thought of Dave in relation to the animal :) Attempting to catch the toast between his teeth. I liked his personality. He almost seems like a kid rather than a teacher. He must be young because he hasn't had life smack him over the head yet as his lighthearted demeanor was refreshing. Paul pulling Dave's nose, and the affect it had on Dave's speech was also amusing. I only had time for chapter 1, but enjoyed the read. All the best - Marita.

Very entertaining pitch and first chapter. Full of fresh and witty descriptiveness. Absolute travesty that this currently has no backers. Once I've honoured my backing commitments, this will be the first cab off the rank over the next few days. In the meantime, I'll give it a healthy star rating. As a teacher myself (music) I'm sure this'll be right up my street. Fine writing, and don't get disillusioned by the extreme vagiaries of the authonomy ranking system that sometimes allows poor writing to make the ed's - while others are criminally overlooked.

Best wishes,
Pete