Book Jacket

 

rank 860
word count 27070
date submitted 06.12.2009
date updated 10.01.2010
genres: Fiction, Comedy
classification: universal
incomplete

Marking Time

Crispy

Dave tries frantically and hilariously to make sense, of his increasingly bizarre life as a teacher, "helped" by some very eccentric friends.

 

Marking Time follows a fortnight in the lives of: two young teachers; two Taoist monks, who also fit bathrooms (prices available on request); an otter addicted to Chinese food; an educational advisor with a penchant for really very sharp pencils; two arch manipulators, thoroughly enjoying their chaotic ride towards retirement, and Elvis.
Elvis is a dog.
In their search for peace and tranquillity, they encounter: an educationally subnormal dolphin; the increasingly bizarre behaviour of several school Heads (including interior gardening, sock puppetry and kangaroo chic, in no particular order); a self-help bazaar with a strict resuscitation policy (it’s frowned upon), and rabbits falling (possibly) from the sky.
The majority of this occurs around the preparation for, and implementation of a school inspection. During this, a man, known only as Staggering Bob, observes, assists (in a manner of speaking) then obliterates the main culprits of a fifteen year scam.
The resulting freedom this brings to the characters involved leads to: two resignations; the successful farewell to a blissfully challenged dolphin; the equally successful installation of a stolen bidet (using the ‘persuading hammer’), and the creation of a revolutionary lemon jam chicken burger.
And Elvis makes friends with the otter.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

comedy, education, teachers

on 42 watchlists

112 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

1

report abuse

 

 

 

 

Elvis

 

Elvis lay spread-eagled on his back under the bright morning sun.  He wriggled violently,

waving his paws in the air, making a kind of aararggraagruf noise.  This is Dog for “ooh,

lovely stretch”.

  Incidentally, this is proof of the lower social awareness of dogs world-wide compared to

humans, who usually do this kind of thing in the comfort and privacy of their own homes.

   You don’t? 

   Try it.

   It’s terribly liberating.

   Elvis now lay still, panting, and contemplated his lot.

   Hgruf.

   Well, it was all rather pleasant, wasn’t it?  The grass of the lawn was soft and comfortably

cool.  The sunshine agreeably warm.  Mr Squeaky, his favourite plastic hedgehog, lay close

by, ready for a long and protracted mid-morning chew.  The birds were flitting about here 

and here, giving the scenery an interesting degree of flappiness.

   One of them now alighted on the fence nearby.  Elvis fixed it with a look, the canine

equivalent of “and?” followed by a raised eyebrow.  It took to the air again, aware that it

wasn’t being paid by the hour.

   No, life was pleasant.  Elvis lay, basking in the sun (the activity of basking is not restricted

merely to sharks, however many law suits they threaten).

   With a final hruf, Elvis turned to lie on his side, and gave the grass a contented snuffle.

   Heaven.

   How could anybody not enjoy a day like this?

 

Dave

 

“Stop the car.”

   “Pardon?”

   “Stop the car.  Turn it around.”

   “What?  No!”

   Dave flicked the gonk on the dashboard, and watched as its eyes pinwheeled round.  He

sympathised, and decided to go for broke.

   “Take us back and breakfast’s on me.  Sausages, bacon, mushrooms…”

   “Shut up.”

   “…Black pudding, scrambled egg, fried tomato, fried bread.  Coffee so strong even the

mug gets all jittery and talkative, followed by…”

   “Shutupshutupshutup…”

   “Followed by a cigarette and a relaxing half hour scanning the papers, stick a pound on a

horse, a cheeky lunchtime pint or three, pick over the bits of the papers that weren’t

accompanied by pictures, another pint, couple of bags of chips in the middle of town, couple

more pints, then potter back to our respective homes safe in the knowledge of a job well

done.  Not done,” he corrected.

   Paul rubbed his forehead wearily.

   “Shut up.”

   “It’ll be fine,” continued Dave, brandishing his mobile, “I’ll call in.  Say we both have

leprosy but we’ll be better tomorrow.”

   “One more word and I’ll stick this car in the river,” answered Paul, pointing out of the window.

   “Promise?”

   “No.”

   “Damn.”

   By now they had reached the school entrance, and drove past the sign proclaiming

Deadwood School, School of Leaders”.  Or would have proclaimed, had someone not

swapped the “L” and “D” around.

   They eased to a halt in the space next to the Deputy Head’s car, on the grounds that, faced

with the choice of trashing an elderly Ford or a shiny BMW, Paul’s car would probably be

spared.

   The radio was playing soothingly in the background.  Dave and Paul sat quietly for a

moment, painfully aware that, any moment now, one of them would switch it off, and they

would have to get out.

   Twenty-seven minutes later the radio was silenced.  They sat for another few moments.

   “Still got that ice scraper?” enquired Dave, politely.

   “Glove compartment.”

   “Ten pounds if you stab me in the leg with it.”

   “Fifteen.”

   “Only got ten.”

   They climbed out of the car and, heavy-hearted, walked towards the main entrance.

   “Mark all your books if you knock a tooth out.”

   “Stop it.”

   Dave tapped an incisor, grinning weakly.

   “No police, no lawyers.”

   Paul sighed, and gently took hold of Dave’s nose.

   “Do you like having a roof over your head and money in the bank?”

   Dave considered this.

   “Yeb.”

   “Want to scrape a living in some nightmare call centre instead?”

   “Nobf.”

   “Then get in.”

   Dave was allowed to retrieve ownership of his nose, and they walked through the door. 

They exchanged the usual pleasantries before heading to their department pods, Dave

Science, Paul English.

   “If I don’t make it, tell Janey I love her.”

   “No problem,” replied Dave, “And if I go first you get my bike.”

   They shook on the deal, then parted.

 

The Sanity of the Prep Room

 

Dave walked through the English pod, employing a technique known as selective deafness.

   “- y’ get the wire, and stick it in there –”

   “- n’ y’ waggle it up –”

   “- n’ then there’s a clunk –”

   Useful to know if you’ve locked the keys in the car.

   He climbed the stairs, circumventing the enormous yet anatomically incorrect paper towel

sculpture, and headed through the double doors, towards the sanity of the prep room.

   He was greeted by Alan, the head tech of the department.

   “Good morning,” said Alan, with a hint of sarcasm.  He was buried up to his elbows in the

aftermath of yesterday’s electricity lessons, and the broken wires snaked around him.

   A slice of toast frisbeed through the air towards Dave, propelled by Janet, the second dep

tech.  Dave attempted to catch it between his teeth.  He brushed the dust off, then took a bite.

 

The George and Dragon

 

By lunchtime, Dave knew how the rest of the day would pan out, and had made the

necessary arrangements.  It was now three fifteen.  It being Friday, Dave would normally stay

for a couple of hours to get Monday sorted out, allowing for a relatively relaxed weekend. 

Not today.  He had a taxi booked for 3.17, and he’d been quite terse with the tired sounding

woman on the phone about this.

   He considered taking the quickest way out of the building but, after a moments thought,

moved away from the window and headed for the stairs instead.

   The taxi pulled up at 3.18.

   “Heavy traffic?” asked Dave as he climbed in.

   “What?”

   “Never mind,” said Dave, as he crawled in and grabbed the seat belt.

   “Where to then, boss?”

   Dave took a second to breathe normally.

   “Get me to the George and Dragon in ten minutes and I’ll be extremely grateful.”

   “Aaaannnnd, we’re off.”  The taxi pulled away.

 

All Sorts

 

“I don’t know, in my day…”

   Dave closed his eyes and allowed the familiar speech to wash over him.  He nodded and

said “mmm” in the right places out of habit and repetition.

   “…And after I’d had the cane I realised I’d done wrong and I’d learnt my lesson.”

   “mmm.”

   “And it never did me any bloody harm!” he screamed, leaning in.

   Dave, thankfully with his eyes shut, said “mmm”.

   “Still see the red mist occasionally,” he remarked conversationally, “’Part from that, no

bother.”

   The driver’s face gradually faded from pink back to its usual grey.

   “Bet you’ve seen all sorts, mate.  What’ve you seen?  All sorts.”

   “mmm.”

   “All sorts, eh?”

   “mmm.”

   “Seen it all, then?  What’ve y’seen?”

   “mmm.”

    The driver took a deep breath.

    “So, what’ve you seen?”

   “mmm.  Oh.  Sorry.  All sorts.”

   “That’s right,” said the driver happily, the balance of the universe restored.

   They pulled up outside the pub.

   “Six pounds twenty mate.”

   Dave looked at his watch.  3.26.  Not bad.

   “Keep the change,” said Dave, slipping his sleeve back over the watch.

   “From a tenner?  Thanks very much, sir!”

   “No problem,” said Dave, already imagining how good the first pint would taste.

   “And don’t you let them little buggers give you any…”

   Dave watched the taxi pulling away, then stepped into the haven of the Dragon.

   “Afternoon Dave,” said Sal as he walked to the bar, “Usual?”

   “Several,” said Dave, and offered her a battle-worn smile.

 

 

Chapters

1

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Andrew W. wrote 896 days ago

Marking Time

Hi Crispy,

I am a young man, with a love of science, cooking, music and the Lake Districi. I play guitar. My greatest love is writing comedy. – you wrote, but you are also a flipping genius. This is probably one of the most publishable pieces of writing I have had the pleasure to read on this site. Incisive, witty, engaging and very clever. Backed, backed, backed and I will set up a thread on the forum to advertise it mercilessly, you have been warned.

No idea what's going on yet...it's fantastic...

Welcome to this site by the way.

Best wishes – Andrew W
(Sanctuary’s Loss)

Charlie James wrote 2 days ago

Read to chapter four so far. Really liking this. It is a strange beast, comedy writing that actually makes you laugh. Good stuff. Thanks!

Melissa Writes wrote 7 days ago

I love the opener, with Elvis the dog - great to get me inside the head of a dog and clever writing. 'The birds were flitting about, giving the scenery an interesting degree of flappiness' - supurb wit - I found this ran right the way through the chapters.
There is a fantastic sing-song tone to the narrative. Great part with Freddie and his lip wobble - irritating little so and so. I felt Dave's frustration. And after several rounds of drinks they began to worry that 'there was something wrong with the pub's foundations'!! Love it. Original and funny.
I have to say, I don't particularly like the set-up - I found the sub-headings a little off-putting, it gave the feel of being a little dis-jointed, but that is the only negative to an otherwise fab read.
Great title, strong premise. I hope you do well.
Best of luck,
Melissa

Wussyboy wrote 14 days ago

You know, Crispy, I wasn't sure I was going to like this. Where's it going, I asked myself, where's the plot and wot's with all these short 'vignettes' of sub-chapters? Oh, and the bloomin formatting is out of wack, so I'm having to read stuff two or three times to get the meaning. But then I got to the penguin. That penguin is sheer genius, mate, it had me rolling on the carpet.The way it just stands there looking up at Dave, then down at its feet like it's forgotten something, then takes a tentative waddle forward. Pure comedy gold! And why does this work so well? Well (imvho) it's a longer, fully realised scene, if the driver's 'Arthur' is included, than the snippety scenes that go before - it builds and builds to a satisfying conclusion. I've read all your other comments, and the general concensus - which I heartily agree with - is that you give this to a few friends, let them weed out what they find 'funny' or not, and then expand the narrative out with that 'hook' this little gem so dearly requires. Make that interview CRUCIAL, as someone suggested, and give Dave PURPOSE. I'm giving you 5 stars for now, will up this to 6 and find you a shelf after your next edit. Best of luck!

Joe Kovacs
Ginger the Buddha Cat

writerchick11 wrote 16 days ago

Liking Dave and Paul's easy banter with each other. This shows skills especially with characterisation and dialogue; also it made me smile, then it made me laugh and then it made me think that perhaps I like this so much that I would give it the honour of shelfing and I don't shelf easily. Looking forward to reading more, Crispy (Creme) KC

J C Michael wrote 26 days ago

Hi Crispy,

I don't normally read comedy but after your were good enough to take a look at Discoredia I thought it only fair to pop along and take a look at yours. I'm glad I did.

I've only had time to read the first couple of chapters but there's a gentle humour there that I found read very well and I expect that this will go down exceptionally.

The soul destroying nature of teaching is also something I can understand. I'm married to one.

Best wishes with this Crispy, I expect to see it do well and have starred accordingly.

Regards,

James

JMF wrote 28 days ago

This is utter nonsense. And I love it. What on earth is it doing languishing on so few shelves? You are clearly a talented comic writer but you need to sort out the presentation a bit. As it stands it's difficult to read. What are you planning to do with it? I'd be interested to know.
By the way, my favourite bit so far is the otter. Although I also like the bit about the chair. I don't know why. . .
I could imagine this on TV, very funny.
I will put on my shelf soon as long as you promise to clean it up and do something with it.
All the best
Julia
Shadow Jumper

Sharda D wrote 30 days ago

Hi Crispy,
returning your read of Mr Unusually's Circus of Dreams - thanks for that.
There's some great writing here, that's for certain. Particularly loved the coffee mug line and the olive POV. Brilliant.
BUT it needs a good shape-up and some editing. Comedy is incredibly hard (you brave, brave man, you) but I would guess that editing is even more important for comic writing than for any other genre. So get to it, put down the guitar and stop staring at the fells. Get it shaped up and send it out to 6 picky friends with a complimentary red pen. Promise them a free drink afterwards (never fails), then take most of their suggestions on board, edit it again and send it out to every agent and publisher in the 'writers and artists yearbook'. If you don't I will come up the M1 (I'm at the bottom end of it) and stalk you. Not in a good way.
6 stars from me.
Sharda.
P.S. Living in the middle of a school as I do, can vouch that the school scenes were v realistic. But you know that already.

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 49 days ago

So, Crispy!

Here we have a great story, chock full of brilliant humour, well written and easy on the eye; brilliantly observed and conveyed to the page; articulate confusion with a healthy dose of happiness thrown in.

WHY are you ignoring this?? If I could write like this, I WOULD BE A MILLIONAIRE BY NOW.

Tidy it up and give it an almighty shove...please.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" xx :-))

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 49 days ago

Dear Crispy

I have to say, I think you've got this nailed. I've been practising dog stretch noises, my daughter thinks I'm mad, but I don't care - it is fun.

Just started reading, but wanted you to know this is great. The presentation dots about the page, but I can live with that. I am diving back for more. Thank you for making me smile.

I've given you a rating to be going on with, but I see my friends like this too! That's enough of a recommendation for me. More later.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" xx :-))

Lucy Heath wrote 55 days ago

Hi Crispy,
I stumbled onto this yesterday and really enjoyed reading a couple of chapters. Today I had an unexpected space on my bookshelf, so up it goes. It's very funny. Bits like the contented crunching on a grilled tomato are lovely. Maeve may well be onto something with her comment about plot below - I hadn't noticed that I started at Ch 2 before but it didn't seem to matter.
All the best with it.
Lucy

rikasworld wrote 62 days ago

I am loving this book. There are so many laugh out loud moments; swopping the L and D round, the smiley onion ring (so true of what seems a good idea at the time). The kid doing his full ten minutes - true observation again.The otter and 'I am aware of their work. (incidently do otters build dams? Not that it matters). Education - 'Oh dear God' and the pig joke and that's just so far. I will read on waiting for the dog to reappear. Great idea to start with him. Only thing that is irritating is the text format but I can live with it. I have watchlisted and will read more and back( because it's such fun) when I can shuffle things round.
Adding to my comments here - I've found a lot of good books here which I am guarding on bookshelves and watchlists and having fun reading but this is my all time favourite. It just washes surrealistically (if there is such a word) over me and I laugh and enjoy it.

Maevesleibhin wrote 75 days ago

Dear Crispy,
This is a fantastically silly book, one of those books that make you laugh at every page and you put down with a slight belly ache. It is funny more from your humorous writing than for the situations themselves, which are quite funny in and of themselves. 
I read everything that you have posted. 
Only problem is that the plot is a wee hard to decipher behind all this situational humour. At times I felt that there really was not a plot. 
Indeed, reading your long pitch afterwards, I realize that I was not wrong- there is no real plot arc presented. David, as the short pitch says, is making sense of his silly life. 
This is a shame. This is  really brilliant comic writing and you have a great talent for humour. But after a while some readers may give up, not finding a clear direction (except the preparation for the interview, but this is a meager hook, and in the end comes across as another funny situation, rather than the climax.)
I highly recommend that you consider fixing this by giving Dave more of  a stake in the outcome of the story, or creating a new hook and keeping the inspection as a situation. It can be a search for enlightenment or true love, finding a home for Bernice, or making Elvis howl the blues, as long as it is presented early and is compelling. 
Hook and plot. Again the hook here for me was the humour, and it kept me going to the end of what you posted. But I never got a sense of a clear hook. You have the threat of the inspection as a bit of a plot mechanism which does move the story forward. At the same time, there are many scenes that are random. This is fine- not all the scenes need to be connected to your plot, but the main plot has to be stronger. One way to do this is by making the inspection more significant for Dave- promise him a promotion that he desperately wants, maybe a transfer to another district where his otter can have access to a river (just a thought)
Character development- hysterical. Sometimes I felt you have too
Many characters, but you do a good job developing them all, including Elvis and Bernice, which are deliciously developed. 
Here are some of my favorite moments I wrote down as I read:
Coffee so strong lol
2
Believed in free entertainment lol
Possibly some problem with the foundation 
His left eye
Entertaining in a weekly basis. 

It's a nice nose
Please fetch the spatula. Lol
Jumper for dogs lol

Never gotten this far before. 
Got a fiver. Lol
An unusual number of legs. Lol
5 meeting funny
Throwing wanting LOL
Much to the dismay of receptionist lol. 

6 tea scene very funny. 

7
In charge of violence,,,
Interview great. 
10 kang. Lol
Yacca lol
Perhaps going tweet lol
Smells better :)

All in all, I think you can change this from a funny to a successful book easily by strengthening the plot. 
High stars and on wait for a spot on my shelf. 
Best,
Maeve

J. Owen wrote 85 days ago

Crispy,

I just read through chapter 4, and had to stop and comment. HILARIOUS! Absolutely fricken hilarious! Where does this come from? I love the opening chapter where Dave tries anything to get out of going to school, I first thought he was a student but then the truth slowly dawned on me (the pitch hints at this, I know, but he is acting so childlike that I just presumed...). It starts off with a bang and then keeps going, getting better and better as I read on. Dialogue driven (very envious) and laugh-out-loud funny. I was trying to think who this style of comedy reminds me of, but concluded it’s in a league of its own. Get it published; the world needs to see this :)

I couldn’t fault it. Don’t change a thing – except for the text formatting in ‘melted cheese substitute’ (looks like spacing issue).

Max Stars! If only there were seven... and I’ll be back for more soon (stuck you on my future backing list too).

Best wishes for the ED,
J.

Neville wrote 91 days ago


Marking Time.
By Crispy.


Don’t know why I missed this book until now as I enjoy a comical read…like this one.
Such good humor running through it, very funny indeed.
There’s other notable features in the book besides the humor.
For a start it’s been written very well…the dialogue is brilliantly done, and any errors, well I didn’t notice them if they are there.
Dave’s banter with Paul as they’re driving along, great stuff.
Then there’s the taxi ride to the pub, nice funny chat with good dialogue again.
I didn’t rate Elvis’s contribution much as the story goes on, mainly because the humor gets better and it seems less of a laugh afterwards.
You could well have been a comedian…I’m glad you weren’t as I wouldn’t be reading your book, I’m sure you’ll make more money being a writer, if this is anything to go by.
Many stars!!

Kind regards,

Neville Kent. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Jim Darcy wrote 96 days ago

Laugh-out-loud fun with a dash of ascerbity, especially for those of us in educational settings. I think many of us have been there hoping there would be a nuclear bomb alert or outbreak of the plague on a Monday morning. You have managed to capture the near-hysteria and the use of comedy as survival mechanism very well. You have a good ear for dialogue and this would make an excellent radio play.
Spotted a couple of upload issues: chapter 2 - melted cheese - line spacing; they build dams - font sizing.

Aesop wrote 106 days ago

I don’t know where this story is going but it was a heck of a lot of fun reading! I haven’t a shred of talent for wit and humour in writing and appreciate it like mad in others. You’re one of those on this site with a gift for what's comic in storytelling, the success of which has much to do with timing. It will take you somewhere if that’s what you want. It’s no surprise Adam and Pratchett are your favourite reads.

Fix the linebreaks that keep this from being the smooth reading experience it deserves to be.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 106 days ago

MARKING TIME
This is an interesting story. Beginning with the dog’s view of the world was a clever way to start. I liked the way Dave tried to find a reason why he couldn’t go to work that day; we’ve all tried that at some time. Dialogue is a strength of this. Always short and often very amusing (the “mm-mm” response a good example). If I had a suggestion it would be to look at your copy and take out the sentences that start on one line but continue on the next to make this easier on your reader. Either way, it’s a good story. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Mark Cain wrote 111 days ago

You know, you never know what you're going to get with a swap read, but I'm absolutely delighted. Daft and original! I've known many teachers in my life. The Deadwood School is awfully close to reality.

You've got great comic timing, which is hard to do in prose, but which I look for in any comic novel. You seem to have an instinct for it. Oh, also, great, clean prose, and very funny, but believable dialogue.

I've read not quite half of what you've posted, and I'll read more as time permits. I'm giving this 6 stars, and as soon as I can clear a space on my bookshelf, I'll put it there.

My only suggestion for improvement is your long pitch. A little too long for my taste, and it smacks almost of being a synopsis. I'd shorten it, maybe ending after "rabbits falling (possibly) from the sky."

Great job. Mark

turnerpage wrote 112 days ago

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

turnerpage wrote 112 days ago

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

turnerpage wrote 112 days ago

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

turnerpage wrote 112 days ago

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

turnerpage wrote 112 days ago

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

turnerpage wrote 112 days ago

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

turnerpage wrote 112 days ago

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.
Lambert Nagle - Revolution Earth

turnerpage wrote 112 days ago

You write well and have a gift for comic writing and I found it an entertaining read. But, like nearly all of the offerings here on Autho, it could use a little editing.

Your writing is good enough, that, to this writer at least, it doesn’t really need all the little asides which although very witty and amusing, can at times, detract from, rather than improve the work. Take a look at Maeve Sleibhin’s Mrs Maginnes is Dead because, like yours, it is a hoot with a big cast of colourful characters.

I do think that a couple of tweaks in your long pitch wouldn’t go amiss. In her long pitch Maeve is quite restrained, giving just a flavour of the comedy inside. Rupee Millionaire is another, written in a similar genre, with a really good pitch too. I would also like to see a proper cover design for your book as I think it would help you to get more readers. And you deserve to have them as it’s a lovely, funny book.

Looking forward to reading more when I can. Highly starred.

leelah wrote 115 days ago

Marvelous marvelous work. This is a gem, plucked from a mind that is cornucopiish :-) and exists to extend its eternal flow of fun for us to bathe in. Six-starred, my friend. Awesome.

Leelah saachi
("When fear comes back to Love")

Roy Belletete wrote 121 days ago

I am not qualified to give you a real critique, but I can share with you what an average (if there is such a thing) reader would think.
Elvis sets the tone well and Dave and Paul are quite funny. The writing though strong in dialogue still paints the picture very well of what is taking place. The style is enjoyably original and a pleasure to read. I rated the book highly and enjoyed what I read immensely. Thank you for sharing it here.
Roy Belletete -In Search of a Memory-

MIRO1K wrote 122 days ago

Hi Crispy,

Two chapters of really well-written comedy. You've got a great style -great voice and droll delivery. Love the sense of the ridiculous with Elvis the dog at the beginning...hard thing to pull off but you did it with ease. As a teacher, I really related to the two teachers' conversation before their classes -that sense of forboding doom...it's EXACTLY how we feel! Loved the cab driver conversation too - again so relatable and such economic and memorable characterisation. Chapter two and the melted cheese part -I'm sorry but you need to fix that formatting....don't think a publisher would put up with it -however playful. It really stopped my flow of reading which was a pity as I really, really like your style. Let me know when you fix it and I'll be back -to back ya!

Best,
Kaal Kaczmarek
Cousin Felicity and the Eels of Misty Point

Stark Silvercoin wrote 123 days ago

Marking Time is a bizarre tale told bizarrely. It’s also quite a fun read, enough to induce laughs from a bookish curmudgeon hovered over his screen at 11:15 on a Wednesday night. This does not happen often.

Author Crispy has a style that is unique, and readers won’t be able to resist it. One interesting thing is that at times you won’t be able to tell if a mundane story is being told superbly by the author, making the normal extraordinary as part of their craft, or if all this oddness is actually happening. Or both.

I can’t really think of a similar book. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy comes to mind, but Marking Time is more off-center than even that. I can imagine that a lot of authors have probably tried to tell a crazy tale like this, but very few have probably succeeded in creating something this good.

Marking Time is like candy for adults. It will make you laugh. It will make you think. Delving into this supremely weird yet engaging world is a great experience, certainly better than just marking time. The folks who advertise books could have a field day promoting this one, though I believe that it should find success once published no matter what. Word of mouth and genuine appreciation will see to that. Backed and starred…and thoroughly enjoyed.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

zap wrote 137 days ago

hi Crispy,
what can I say? Maddogs and Englishmen . . . This is hilarious, but also worry-inducing, considering that these dubious characters are in charge of the people that are supposed to be our leaders in the very near future. Still, who would do the job of nutland-interface, if we didn't have Dave, George and Tony? And quite frankly they should change their policies and employ Elvis cos he's sound. But I'm digressing.

I chuckled, grinned and laughed out loud through several chapters. What are you like? Hiding behind a cheese-plant with your ingenious book while checking that your nose hasn't got three holes, I suppose. But, please, do something about that blood-pressure, as we need you like a beer-mug needs a pint!!! Or, like the new generation needs sensitive and empathetic teachers who understand the plight of being a kiddy underdog in this country.

Your book should be part of the coming curriculum, which will probably change for the tenth time in this decade, and it ought to be made compulsory reading for Head-teachers and educational politicians. I've always worried about the education system, but you have shown me the light and now I know this was completely unfounded. These guys will actually put the world to rights. Thank you for drawing my attention to this book! It will be on my shelf in a couple of days.

Ame
Normsville Trilogy and Wolfmother

Bea Sinclair wrote 139 days ago

This book is a real pleasure to read. It is well written, engaging and extremely funny. I wish you the very best of luck on your way to the ED. Six stars and on my WL awaiting promotion. Yours Bea

daveocelot wrote 144 days ago

Hello Crispy,

Managed to find time to take a look at this and I'm glad that I did - thoroughly enjoyed what I read. I see that a lot of comments below heap praise on the opening chapter with Elvis the dog (although maybe thats because a lot of people only read the first chapter here) but that was actually the part I liked least. It read a little twee to me, but as soon as we moved onto the sardonic exchanges between the two teachers I was in there. In there like swimwear!

Its a humourous book (the line about a bag of crisps being mostly air hit me most, dunno why) but in places it seems too relentlessly eager to amuse. I found the quip-heavy conversation between Dave and the Doctor particularly wearing. It was all bang! bang! bang! whereas sometimes it might be better to have a low rumble and then a VERY BIG BANG!

Know what I mean? I'm not a professional critic, as you can probably tell.

That aside, I read up to chapter 5 (Authonomy Chapter 5, thats probably about chapter 1000007 in your dog-year chapters - those are nippy, though, I like 'em) and found it bright, funny and engaging. I didn't detect much semblance of a plot, but it didn't trouble me at all - too busy enjoying it, wishing I had time to read more.

Dave

Crispy wrote 156 days ago

Hi Bill,

Thanks so much for the comment and good luck with Haktaw Heart.

The selective deafness employed is in respect of an explanation by one pupil to another about how to steal a car. Hence the explanation is useful, if you have locked your keys inside.

All the best

Crispy,

I applaud anyone who can write comedy. It's such a difficult thing to get right.
I found myself smiling througout the first few chapters and enjoyed your light easy style. I think some of the humor may have been lost on me — a cultural UK/US thing. for example I understand what selective deafness is but it wasn't clear to me what the three to four sentences following the term were about.


I see you received praise on your limited use of dialogue tags and while I'm not a big fan of dialogue tags with every sentence it would be nice to have two at the very beginning of the Dave section so it's clear who is saying what from the get go.

If the weird formatting at the beginning of melted cheese substitute was supposed to simulate drunken dizziness, it worked.

Keep em laughing,
Best of Luck

Bill
Haktaw Heart

Bill Scott wrote 157 days ago

Crispy,

I applaud anyone who can write comedy. It's such a difficult thing to get right.
I found myself smiling througout the first few chapters and enjoyed your light easy style. I think some of the humor may have been lost on me — a cultural UK/US thing. for example I understand what selective deafness is but it wasn't clear to me what the three to four sentences following the term were about.


I see you received praise on your limited use of dialogue tags and while I'm not a big fan of dialogue tags with every sentence it would be nice to have two at the very beginning of the Dave section so it's clear who is saying what from the get go.

If the weird formatting at the beginning of melted cheese substitute was supposed to simulate drunken dizziness, it worked.

Keep em laughing,
Best of Luck

Bill
Haktaw Heart

John Bayliss wrote 164 days ago

Crispy, my friend,

It honestly takes a lot to make me laugh out loud when reading a book, sitting on my own. With "Marking Time" however, I was laughing at an average rate of at least once every three paragraphs, and reading with a broad smile on my face for the remaining two! You've got such a dead-pan approach to comedy, like a kind of literary Buster Keaton, where the jokes creep up on me and take me by suprise, and are twice as funny as a consequence.

I take it that there is little "plot" as such, only a series of bizarre incidents. Personally, I am more than happy with that, though I think it might stand against you as far as getting the book published is concerned. Which is annoying, because any attempt to "shoehorn" these little episodes into a conventional plot would probably ruin them.

Anyway, I've given "Marking Time" six stars (believe me, I don't do that often do that) and shortly I will be re-jigging my bookshelf to make space for it. To have a book as entertaining as this languishing below 1000 is an absolute crime.

Good Luck and Good Writing

John Bayliss

Philthy wrote 166 days ago

Hi Crispy,

I'm here for our read swap. So sorry it’s taken me so long to get here. Below are my findings. They are, of course, my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth.

In your short pitch, “hilariously” is awkward.

There should not be a comma after “sense”

You have three “ly” adverbs in the short pitch alone. Overuse of those weaken your writing, so be careful.
“’helped’ by some very eccentric friends.” This is sort of awkward, too. What are they helping? The bizarreness of his life or his trying to make sense of it? It’s not clear the way you’ve written it.

Needs to be a semicolon after “retirement” in the long pitch (to be consistent with the list formation you’re going with.

That first paragraph is hilarious!

I love the lists for their humor, but they might be overdone. Kind of slows the pace of the pitch. Maybe it’s just me.

You say “this” a lot. Gets redundant.

The premise of this is AWESOME. I can’t wait to read on. My biggest suggestion for your pitches is to whittle it down some. Too much backstory here. You’re just trying to entice the reader to push onward.

I read the whole first chapter (especially loved the Dave character’s). This is fantastic! Couldn’t find anything to change, and the voice is perfect for humor writing. Well-paced and just flat out good writing. I thoroughly enjoyed this and will back it when I have a spot.

By the way, i think I already asked you this, so forgive me, but did you say you had a cover coming? If not, interested in one? I'd love to take a stab. I have a link on my profile to other designs I've done. No worries if you're not interested. Just was curious. It'd be free of course. Would just ask for credit.

Again, great stuff!

All the best,

Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

jlbwye wrote 192 days ago

Marking Time. Understatement is often advisable when writing comedy, so I'd be inclined to delete the words frantically and hilariously from your short pitch.
The promises given in your long pitch intrigue me - especially the Taoist monks who also fit bathrooms. Again, I'd be more economical with your adjectives.

Ch.1. The pace is fast and the writing light and easy to read. You could probably omit the explanatory bits about the dog's behaviour. Dave's dialogue is snappy and realistic.

Ch.2. You do the monologue so very well, I'm there slurping beer with Dave, listening. Love the thoulght a chair-related breakdown conjures up. And you've got the drunken humour bang-on.
Is Dave lying or sitting on his bed as he eats the pizza - you dont make it clear, and flopping hints at lying, but how can he take a swig from a wine bottle, even if he is drunk?
Oh, he must have been sitting, then.

Ch.3. Your humour is addictive.
Chs. 4-5. I really must stop.

Thankyou for lightening my day!
Jane (Breath of Africa)

Charles Bunton wrote 206 days ago

The fact that this book hasn't received a star in just under two years tells you just how difficult a genre this is. This is smart, appropriately crisp, clean and entertaining...if you really are a young man, then your future as a writer looks a lot brighter than mine!
Well done
Stewart
Lord Randle's Wee/Willy

ccb1 wrote 222 days ago

Backed and star rated Marking Time. Well done! Love the humor. Some parts are laugh-out-loud funny! Good job on dialogue. Happy to back you. Hope you have will take a look at our book, Dark Side
CC Brown.

Nightdream wrote 228 days ago

Like how you split the chapter into sections with Elvis and Dave. Both are good both are good but Elvis definitely sticks out just because he’s a dog. Your writing is perfect but your dialogue is what your best at no doubt. It’s simple, straight to the point and it rings true.

You don’t go into too much description which is nice. It makes the piece flow REALLY fast. It seems like an action story but it wasn’t. Your dialogue sure made it go a hundred miles per hour though. a good read, and you definitely get to keep your 6 stars. I had just read a more relaxed piece so this was a very refreshing read since I love fast stories and writing that can read really quickly.

I think right from the start you need to say what kind of dog Elvis is.

‘here and here’ should it be ‘here and there’?

‘in ten minutes and i’ll be’ comma after minutes

iandsmith wrote 238 days ago

This is good. I'm pretty sure a certain publisher will be round soon to comment. I love the rapid interchange of dialogue in Dave, the stichomythia. No 'he saids' 'she saids' liberates everything, and no description is needed because everyone knows where it is, and who it is. It has a safe 'location', and feels comfortable. Very publishable. WLd.

KirkH wrote 258 days ago

This is a cute collection of little snickers. Well done...
Kirk

Walden Carrington wrote 261 days ago

Crispy,
Marking Time is quite an amusing collection. I could easily picture Elvis basking in the sunshine and wish I could join him in his carefree existence. He reminds me of some canine friends I've known and I don't think he has anything in common with his famous namesake. Comedy is a fine art and you have it mastered.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

whoster wrote 276 days ago

I remember reading a bit of this a while ago. Always disappointing to see comic writing of this quality not getting the support it deserves. Excellent pitch and opening chapter, full of colourful and eccentric characters and original narrative. Six stars, and hope my backing can help restore the green arrow.

Sue50 wrote 300 days ago

Well done! Love the dialogue and humor. Happy to back you. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Sue50

Luckylife wrote 319 days ago

Hi, loved this book. The characters Dave and Tony are great and all the animals that they meet along the way are quirky, fun and very, very random. I loved it when Arthur said 'marvelous'

This is excellent the kind of book that could be made into a movie by Tim Burton

I haven't read it all yet but it's on my shelf and watch list so I can finish it another time

Dwayne Kavanagh wrote 320 days ago

This is freaking awesome writing! Well done Crispy....you know what you're doing. You start the day with such a surprising point of view...how the hell could anyone turn away from the page (or screen in this case). The story moves so fast, but the cadence is perfctly timed with either the break or the tension. I particularly loved the dialogue...the way you used "yeb" was amazing....I could hear that as clear as my alarm clock.

Enjoyed reading the first chapter and I look forward to reading more of your work! I'll get up on the shelf in the next rotation--6 stars for now.

Cheers,
Dwayne
A Killer's Kind

Joshua Jacobs wrote 328 days ago

I saw this posted on the forums and thought I'd check out the first few lines. I hadn't planned on reading much more, but the second I reached the lines, "You don't? Try it. It's terribly liberating," I was hooked. Great voice.

The premise intrigued me. As a teacher in the United States, I was curious to read about the differences between the two systems, especially one following a comical story such as this. So far, you've delivered. This is a very entertaining read.

The interaction to start Dave's perspective was hilarious. Humorous, polished, and well-written. Thank you for avoiding unnecessary dialogue tags. It was a relief!

"Ten pounds if you stab me in the leg with it." This is hilarious.

The short sections and tightly written paragraphs in this opening kept the pace quick. I devoured this first chapter in no time.

Minor suggestions: There wasn't a whole lot I'd change in this. Maybe consider cutting some of the adverbs? Your writing is strong enough without them.

Minor typos: Several commas weren't necessary (i.e. He sympathised, and decided to go for broke.)

Maybe it's just the fact that I'm a teacher, and I've seen Dave in some of my co-workers, but I found this to be an excellent first chapter. The writing is tight and well-edited, and the humor is actually funny. In fact, this is one of the few novels I've come across on authonomy that made me laugh out loud. Quite an accomplishment. I'll be back for more. Great start!

Peter Spadoni wrote 334 days ago

Hi Crispy,

This is a hilarious sendup of the education system in Britain (though I live in Canada, there are parallels), and how you ended up including an otter and dolphins - kudos. As someone who adores Brit comedy, you've got a very strong, very British voice that shines through. Highly rated for now, and you're on my watchlist.

Cheers!

123