The Heart of Camelann

Hello K.C.Hart 'Summer Rose'

Read the first five chapters of this wonderful literary read some 100 days ago now and had promised myself that i would re-visit and read more, Having read another seven chapters i am totally hooked and will come back to finish it. It is a six star read and one of the best historical romance reads on the site. This book is just waiting for a film to happen !! the Pines in the forest the valley shrouded in mist and yes, that kiss .'Her lips tasted of mint and mist and blackberries' delightful indeed 'she is is Summer Rose'
then to chapter twelve,A must for the romantics, with the longest love scene i have read and written with a sure and delicate touch. 'desire in a crescendo crushed through his resolve' You have captured the atmosphere and created a brilliant story throughout.
backed with pleasure.
Tom Bye ' From Hugs to Kisses'

Dear KC -- This book deserves to go on climbing -- it is very well written, with lots of good detail which must have required voluminous research and it has good characterisations and an intriguing plot -- a bit Hollywoodish, but still quite plausible and one the ladies will love -- two chaps fighting over one girl. As a history buff myself, i have seen the twelve-part The Civil War documentary by Ken Burns on the BBC in Britain and have read several books about the American Civil War (factual ones). So I was interested in more or less everything. (I'm not a Civil war buff -- just a history buff as I read about other history points, too). I'm backing you willingly as this, to me, is one of the better books on this site. You should -- if the world is fair -- get a publisher for this. You should also get to number one. To help you, I am adding it to my backing list. I am not going to criticise the writing, it is too well written and I wouldn't change it.
One point and one point only -- from an Englishman: should or should not 'rebel' be capped as Rebel? I ask, but I leave it to you Americans to argue it out. Backed as a future number one. -- JOE CANNING

KC,

Ironic that I have been staying up until all hours lately, watching Ken Burns special, The Civil War. I've only seen it like .....every time it has been on. Point is, I was primed to run across this book at this time.

As a rule I'm not a romance reader, however, I sure went for this one. I've scanned it, reading 8-10 chapters (didn't intend to yet), and was quite pleased with what I saw. You sure do have a smooth delivery my dear. Your command of language and ability to refrain from over usage of it is compelling. You see, I'm one of those folks who likes to see the characters act in real parody to reality, something you have NAILED in this book.

It was clear to me in reading your work that you could write about anything. In one of the latter chapters you wrote, "The new moon allowed the stars and The Milky Way center stage." This example of elequent usage of our words just stuck with me.

I certainly hope you get all you deserve from this novel. Then again, I'm sure you are quite pleased with it now. I would be.

Sincerely,

Emmett
(E M Delaney)
-THE VIRUS

Summer Rose.
by K. C. Hart.

This is one of the best books on the site. Considering there's some excellent books on here, it's a bold statement to make. That's my opinion anyway.
I had backed it under the old system some time back, loved it then and more so on a second read.
The description, which I think makes a book, is second to none.
..."By mid-morning, someone unbuttoned the sky. Torrent's of rain..."
You can almost feel you're on the battle field, suffering pain, drinking the whiskey and hoping to survive.
The wonderful description of the 'valley' and it's secretive location.
Then there is the romance, there in the thick of it all.
An intrigueing, compelling and captivating book that has more going for it than I can put here.
Pleased to put this book on my shelf and to give it a top star rating. RATED.

Best wishes,

Neville. THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST - SERIES.

Summer Rose by K.C. Hart
It was an immediate like--the writing is rich and full. That I happen to be invested in Cival War study certainly would cause the audience of this brief review to question my objectivity, I would ask them to give this book a chance.
When I say the writing is rich--it takes the reader into the scene and does so in a real way. One can feel thye air, see the valley, feel the pain and drudgery, and live the battle as if you were part of it.
The author's efforts to bring history as it may very well have been like for those unknown and long forgotten Americans who fought the bloodiest war we have ever known as a country is very much respected by this reader for I wish to remember them and think on them--all the sacrifices, the lost loves, children and happiness so many men and women chose to forego.
Good novel and highly recommended. The author is a worker!
Hunter Ayers

Caroline - I was captivated from the start. You achieve excellent balance between showing the men's actions and describing the surrounding country - the picturesque valley with its trees, lake and birds. The goose-shaped mark is a great touch and the MC's thoughts of women ring true. Such is your portrayal of Gettysburg, we are left in no doubt as to the horror of it all. (I often pass the building in which Fleming discovered penicillin sixty-five years later. How many lives would have been saved in the Civil War had it been available then?).

Finished chap 3 and will return to read more. But already I am thinking, this should be published. Finish it - send it out! High stars from me.

Camac Johnson
Untouchable

Great stuff Caroline, loved it. Really assured writing. Love the sensory bathe in the fresh water and then the coffee. Brilliant, really draws you in. I can smell that coffee now!
There's precious little telling, only showing, which is wonderful, the story is unfolding naturally. There's a good balance between dialogue, action and description. The characters feel real. Nothing is stilted.
Well done, masterful. Will highly star, but no shelf space for now. Will def consider it in the future though.
All the best,
Sharda.
P.S. We were doing a reading swap, so please take a look when you get a chance. Though not sure mine will compare favourably!! http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

Dear K.C., Good job. Great Job! I've given it a bunch of stars and will be reading more later. Barbara Jurgensen To Catch a Speckled Trout

Superior historical tale. Well rounded characters and attention to detail. Convincing.

The Heart of Camelann is a really compelling war story with a love theme mixed in which compliments the main story perfectly well. I say this because a lot of love stories use that as their primary focus, and then the story itself is weaker. That isn’t the case here. Author Caroline Hartman has crafted quite a lively Civil War tale, with main characters who are believable and fun. When the love story/triangle begins, I found myself rooting for both men.

Dialog is top notch, and period specific. Even the words used seem to be historically accurate. And each character speaks based on their social standing, motivations and history, never once breaking the mood. In fact, I think the dialog was the best part of a really compelling story.

The Heart of Camelann will appeal to both Civil War book readers and those who enjoy a good love story. I could easily see this book sitting in the many bookstores around Gettysburg and the battlefield there. This is a great adventure that I was happy to be taken on.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

HEART OF CAMELANN HISTORICAL FICTION GROUP REVIEW
Chapter 14. The wedding. Great chapter. I thought Summer would pull out her mother’s wedding dress, tho, not just a lace blouse.
Chapter 15 & 16. The wedding night and the next day. Tasteful descriptions. Good chapter. I’m in love with Daniel myself.
Chapter 17. & 18. Hall looks at the dead fish and realizes toxins are killing them. Are you sure people talked about toxins in the 1800s? Didn’t they think more about how many people the tannery employed and what progress it represented?
Chapter 19 to the end. I like the way this story changes as Summer is introduced to the families. I like the way Hall married Fanny. I’m sure it was absolutely shocking for a mother to discover a house guest is pregnant. Overall, I like this a lot.
Cover and pitches: My computer screen is small so I can’t appreciate all the details on the cover, but it looks good to me. The pitched implies that Hal and Daniel are going to be rivals for Summer Rose’s affection, but that isn’t a big part of the story so far. You’d have more tension in the story if you pushed that aspect more.
Pace: This is a gentle love story and the pace coincides with that.
Point of View: I like the way the story is told by Hal, Daniel, or Rose. Give a three dimensional view on what is happening.
Authenticity (Historical accuracy): Good. You’ve obviously done a lot of research.
Characters: Your three main characters are all well fleshed out. Fanny is a great 4th character. I always know something is going to happen when she’s in a scene.
Descriptions: You describe Summer’s valley and the scenes in Washington well. The peacefulness of the valley compared to the bustle of Washington was a good contrast.
Dialogue: Dialogue is good. No problem for a reader to follow.
Plot: Here could be a problem. The pitch implies there is going to be friction between Daniel and Hal because of competition for Summer, but this doesn’t come across (for me) in the actual story. Hal’s feelings for Summer are hinted at in a couple scenes, but you’d have more suspense in the story if, rather than arrange for the rose bouquet or stay out of Daniel’s way he made some actual moves to try and breakup Daniel and Rose.
Publishability: I have no idea what publishers want to publish but I would guess one of them looking for a gentle historical romance would like this a lot.
Style: Your writing style is clear and always easy to follow.
Technicalities (grammar, repetitions, typos, etc.). None noted. It’s an easy read. I would have continued to read if you’d posted more.

HEART OF CAMELANN Historical Fiction Group Review
Chapter 8. Hal and Daniel go to Summer’s house to rehab. Great description of her house and the books she reads. Once more, tho, I’m beginning to wonder, shouldn’t these soldiers be getting back to the war? Was someone like Hal allowed to just wander off this way in the civil war?
Chapter 9 &10. Hal and Daniel leave Summer Rose and rejoin the army. I like these chapters because they’re a good mix of both what the war was like and how Daniel feels being separated from Summer Rose.
Chapter 11. We meet Fanny. She’s a great addition to the story. The way she helps Daniel break up with Mary is good. In a way, I like her better than Summer Rose. Summer is perfect; Fanny is more mischievious and that gives her a special charm.
Chapter 12 & 13. Listening to Lincoln and the Gettysburg address was a good addition to the story. And, of course, having Daniel see Summer Rose again. I wasn’t sure she was going to be happy Daniel arranged to buy the land without consulting her; she seems too independent for that (I know he’s going to marry her so indirectly she’ll own the valley, but could women own property in the 1800s? Or is that the reason Daniel put the valley in his name?)

Historical Fiction Reader's Group

I like this a lot. I think I actually read some of this and probably commented on it more than a year ago. The only thing I would say in general is, I wonder whether you ought to cut down the first chapter a bit and make the first and second chapters the first chapter. I say this just because it seems like things need to happen very quickly in novels these days, and the first real happening in the book is meeting Kip in the second chapter. Might be better to move that closer to the beginning to get the sense of mystery earlier.

Chapter 1

"Two days before Custer's..." should probably be "Two days before, Custer's..."
"Good lord." Lord would normally be capitalized.
"good rifle and scope" I did a little research and it seems that the first useful rifle scope was not invented until around 1880.

Chapter 2
Even though Danny doesn't like snakes, it's hard to believe that they wouldn't keep it to eat. There'd be a lot of meat on a large snake.
Interesting chapter, since there seems to be something mysterious about Kip.

Chapter 3
Good battle descriptions.
I wonder if soldiers would simply leave the battlefield like that. Wouldn't it be desertion? I think you need it for the story, but you might explain it more.

Chapter 4
Just a thought, but when pine burns, it makes loud snapping noises because of the sap. Maybe in his stupor, this would sound like gunshots to Danny.
"debutants" I think should be "debutantes"

Hope this helps,
Kevin Clark
(Will of God)

HEART OF CAMELANN Historical Fiction Group Review
Chapter 1. This is an interesting beginning chapter. By the time the two men have built their campfire, your reader knows a lot about them. And can’t help but like both of them.
Chapter 2. Kip joins the soldiers with food. Like the soldiers, he/she is likable. The descriptions of the campfire and how the war is going and the way Kip killed the snake are all well written.
Chapter 3. The description of the Gettysburg battle and how it feels to be a part of that is great. The “angel” appearing is a nice surprise.
Chapter 4. This chapter begins with a dramatic sentence, “Someone unbuttoned the sky.” Nice. This is a good introduction to Kip and what a good nurse she is. A little slow for me, but sets up an interesting potential conflict which could occur between Daniel and Hal.
Chapter 5. Summer Rose prepares a meal for the guys. A good chapter but I’m wondering why the two guys aren’t worried about getting back to the war. Aren’t they almost deserters at this point? Also, should they be drawing diagrams of where the cannons were located, etc? What if she’s a spy? And would they really be that interested in recipes? Altho, I guess they’re so interested in her, those questions are worth asking just to keep her talking. A small thing: the paragraph “Daniel didn’t want to talk about war . . .” is repeated twice. Overall, good chapter but I’m getting anxious for something more to happen.
Chapter 6. A good chapter to explain Summer Rose’s background. I was hoping as I read, tho, there wouldn’t be a quiz at the end because I’m afraid I’d confuse some of the names. Is it really important for her to spill all of her relationships this way at once? Could she have dropped those names in smaller amounts (mention her cousins while she was talking about tomatoes earlier to say how much they like them? Mention more relatives when she talked about the cave? Just a thought because the recitation of her whole background at once would be better (for me) if it was broken up some.
Chapter 7. The guys get a tour of Summer Rose’s house. I l like the way you describe everything down to the small details: the type of plants around the house, the water system, how things smell as well as how they look. I feel as if I would recognize this house if I ever came across it. Well done. I have to stop reading to pack school lunches but will be back tomorrow to read more. Wannabeawriter.

Historical fiction group read:
The action is really hotting up now and the descriptions are brilliant, though I had to read the third and fourth paragraphs over and over and still cannot be sure who the narrator is. At first I knew it was Daniel, but Daniel wouldn't say he'd seen something hit Daniel's leg, but then I knew it was Daniel again. You seem to want to use the character's name all the time, but this confuses whose point of view we are in. It is okay if it is Hal's POV as he can relate to seeing something hit Daniel, but if it is Daniel, he would feel it not see it???? Confused? Yes, I am too.

You are obviously a writer with talent, but some of the narration/POV is in need of sorting to make this clear and to make it live on the page. If it is then this could be a winner.

I will leave it at that for now as I feel I am repeating myself and not helping by picking up on the same problem in every chapter. I will star this book and find a place on my shelf for it. I wish you all the luck in the world, Love Mary.

HISTORICAL FICTION GROUP - REVIEW OF CHAPTER TWO

I am still getting the, telling not showing, feel of this novel as Daniel's actions, then Hal's, and now, Kips and even the horses and dogs are reported to the reader. This is a shame as this promises to be a riviting novel with well set up characters and situations.

The descriptions are good and so is the historical timing, but descriptions alone do not create atmosphere and tension, it is the actions happening on the page that do that.

I think it is the lack of a narrator that is the problem. or rather the use of one or more of the characters as a narrator. That leaves the author telling the story. If the story was to be seen through the eyes of the characters then it would live on the page.

Otherwise, holding my attention and has me asking questions, always a good page turning element. At the moment I am asking myself, is Daniel gay or is Kip really a girl? Have to read on to find out....

A puntuation point: When you lead into speech or break into speech you need commas not fullstops. Despite my observations I can't wait to read further.

Historical Fiction Group review -

Your knowledge of the period shines through and you set up a beginning to this story with precision and tension. It promises to be an exciting and gripping story.

There is a 'tense' problem in your first couple of sentences:- after - squinting in the sun, it should be - he then... or change squinting to - he squinted.

Then you have a list of things noticed by Daniel - the last one on the list should have 'and' - and the sound of water...

A repetition: Alert as he always was - and - Some part of him never relaxed - say the same thing.

I find your writing style like reading a report as you outline each man's actions as they happen, this falls into telling not showing. You could fix this easily, for instance when Daniel lights a fire, you could write it something like this:

The flames of the fire licked the pan containing the coffee beans. The aroma tickled Daniel's taste buds as he lay back and watched Hal fishing by the lake. Through the haze of the pale grey smoke Hal's line snaked the air as he cast it far out into the water causing ever widening circles to shimmer in the evening light.

Just one way information of what is happening and the atmosphere surrounding the actions can be given, without saying Daniel did this and Hal did that. Of course it isn't your way, but is meant to give an idea of what I mean.

Having said this, you have made these characters live on the page, already the reader knows them well and therefore this promises to be a great read about a fascinating time in history. And to have it told through these two characters is something to look forward to.

I will have space in a couple of days on my shelf and this will have a place then, I will star later when I have reviewed more. Best wishes, Mary.

Heart of Camelann. A continuing Hist.Fict.Group read.
I rather like the original name, Caroline - but I dare say you had your reasons for the change..
Remember, I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.13. The word twisted appears twice in that paragraph about Jack's neck and his body.
What I like about your book, is I can pick it up where I left off - however many weeks or months ago - and am immediately back immersed with your characters as if I'd never been away.
The new grief written on their faces, etched in the slant of their spines; great words.
Ah - the Camelann of the title!
I'm a bit confused over the POV in that fight. If you're firmly in Daniel's POV (which I presume you want to be), perhaps it would be wiser to use more of the personal pronoun when referring to Daniel, and use Richie's name instead of the personal pronoun - if you get what I mean.
I was momentarily confused at Summer Rose's sudden appearance... maybe a sentence or two saying how and where they went to meet her, or something?
And perhaps the sentence would better read as: 'When she returned with the bitter tea, she urged/(?stood over him while he took it)...'
A lovely, happy love scene to end the chapter.

Ch.14. That's a lovely touch - the strange woman making the bride's bouquet on the spur of the moment. And a poignant moment for Hal and Slim, with just a hint of what might become jealousy...

Ch.15. That cliche, barking their heads off, strikes a discordant note.
TWO bottles of champagne!
Never thought of a fire growling before, but you're absolutely right.
And I'll leave you for now, with the tender love scene on their wedding night floating in my mind.

Thankyou again, Caroline, for your lovely book.

Jane (Breath of Africa).

I first read this a long time ago and now come back to see it revised. A lot of time has been spent on honing this and it reads extremely well. I enjoyed the story the first time, but I now see a maturity in parts of the narrative which were perhaps not there before. I read the first two chapters and then went forward to look at the last two.
The writing remains poised and the story in safe hands.
And not only does it entertain, for those of us unfamiliar with the details of the American Civil War there is much to learn here too. I have no hesitation in returning this to my shelf. Margaret.

Review for Historical Fiction Critique Group:

The Heart of Camelann by Caroline Hartman: When I read this book before I gave it high stars because it’s an AB FAB read. The cover and font type are professional and the color pops in response to the title.

The first line brings the bitter/sweet smell of pine trees as these two men stare through the leaves. These are wonderful visuals along with so many sensual details in this book. The suspense in the opening chapter is heart-racing. There can be nothing worse than being stark-bollock naked in a lake and hearing gun shots. But I couldn’t help thinking that one of the horses might have raised its head, one ear back even if thirst was predominant because a mile isn’t that far away. And would a gunshot not echo against the sheer granite walls of the hills? In chapter 2, Kip tells us it’s a valley, so I am just wondering about the acoustics

Great dialogue especially in chapter 2 where we meet Kip, authentic and spicy. The paragraph that begins ‘A skein of ducks wheeled overhead, has the word ‘overhead’ used twice in the same sentence. May be another word would suffice. I really enjoy Daniel’s discernment, a prerequisite to this training. He knows there is something odd about the boy, but can’t place it. ‘Whispering secrets through the needles’ again unmistakable attention to detail, we can definitely hear it. You have made these descriptions really count in your writing—real poetry. Great paragraph on the snake, so well crafted and Kip lowering his eyes at a handshake brings more tension and we long to know what it is. We see Daniel is suspicious at the end of this chapter even though Kip had earlier referred to himself as a boy.

Chapter 3 takes us to the scene of battle, air turned pink with blood—a startling contrast to the peace of chapter 2. But this is brilliantly told, albeit violent. The horror of war is not something to gloss over; it’s frightening and disgusting at the same time. The gore will definitely turn a stomach or two because of its attention to accuracy and realism. Very well done especially in describing the shock of a fifteen year-old boy without hands, bringing tears to a reader with a son of the same age but the relief of Chester’s snort was awesome. Mentally, I just left the battlefield for a brief instant, just for a break. And the angel in bloomers and camisole? Read on to Chapter 4. . .

Which I did by the way and very much enjoyed it. The tension in this chapter is heightened by our knowledge of Daniel’s engagement to Mary, perhaps Mother-induced but its there nonetheless. He has an option, a real romance with a woman of his choice. And so we meet Summer Rose the object of Daniel’s desire. The romantic slant of this chapter is finger-lickin’ good, simply rocking with good masculine cravings. Well, breasts do it for most and Daniel gets a peek. He is in love and disabled by a wound. How frustrating can that be?

This book is really polished and must bring you a ton of pride, Caroline. It’s already scoring through the charts due to its high rating. And I can see why. The research alone makes the book breathe and we are drip-fed the information without realizing it. I will be reading on when time permits. Truly impressive.

Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

You know I love this book. :D

This is a different type of read for me, being from the land downunder. I don’t know original these types of stories are your side of the word, but found the premise interesting and the characters developing nicely.

Technically, there is still a bit of work to do on this, but then, we could all polish more. You have a little bit of an issue, with some of your ‘he’ where it is unclear exactly which he you are referring to, nothing a bit of tweaking can’t fix and I’ve pointed some of them out below.

Just some thoughts as I read below.

Chester blew and snorted. -----what’s Chester? Who is Chester? I see below it is a horse but it reads very awkward > that aside you probably need to move Daniel’s dialogue onto the next ling

He urged the animal into the sunlight, -----it wasn’t clear that they were not in the sunlight when this started because you say he is squinting against the sun and that they are at the edge of the forest…

Hal pulled up beside him -----need a comma here

Daniel supposed he did -----smelt?

And I’m so hot I cannot think. -----this is sitting their awkward – is that a thought? It isn’t clear.

“A hundred, maybe a hundred and twenty yards.” Hal stood and dove. -----into the river?

Hal whispered, “Sounded like a shotgun to me.” -----Because you say gunshots, in the previous paragraph, this kind of sounds a little wrong, either they know it sounds like guns shots, or you probably need to say, they heard something like gunshots in the previous paragraph…personally, I’d consider something stronger for that dialogue…like eg Holy God, let’s get out here.” Or anything beyond repeated what has already been stated. It was a moment where the reader is thinking, oh, who is shooting and needs to be moved forward.

“Somebody’s around. Keep your ass down,” he said with a grin. “I swear that damn wild goose will get us killed.” -----I like that.

He swam back slowly, listening. -----who is ‘he’ it isn’t clear if it is Daniel or Hal

Daniel heard whistling and the movement of someone coming down the slope. He pulled his revolver close. -----close to where…it isn’t clear where he has his gun

They nodded to each other. -----Because this isn’t connect to any dialogue it isn’t clear if who they refers to – if you meant Hal and Daniel were nodding at each other or all three of them were nodding at each other.

Watchlisted for the moment. Hope something helps. Goodluck with it.

KC your HFG review

Love the cover and the pitch promises intrigue and adventure alongside a love story which I suspect has a few hurdles to cross. Just my cup of tea.

I read to the end of chapter 9 and will pop back later for more -

You provide us with a beautiful first image of the valley, and your cover does it justice, very well chosen. This first chapter had me enthralled. Very easy to slip into the scene and keep on reading. The introduction of Daniel and Hal and the hinting at the mystery of Kip setting us up for the story to come. I liked how the references to the war and the state of society in the city were slipped in naturally, not overloaded but enough to give a sense of time and place.
The imagery of the battle and the intensity of Daniel's pain and fear in ch2 were excellent. Probably the line that really illustrated the horror was "Like firewood limbs stacked outside the gaping doorway" You really get the sense of Daniel alone, despite being surrounded by the mayhem and then thankfully Hal appears. I could visualise this, the horse picking its way carefully between the bodies, seeking out its owner. Very well done.
I get a real sense of your characters, the good natured rivalry between Daniel and Hal that might just tip the wrong way...Summer Rose is charming and later Fanny is a whirlwind and very visual with her energy and mischief.

I was initially thrown by what appeared to be slips into first person, but then realised these were Daniel's thoughts. Other than that I found this an immensely enjoyable read... quite hard to put down actually... and will certainly pick up again to read on.

Best of luck with this

Babs

Summer Rose. A HFG review. I feel totally ashamed that it is over five months since l read into your wonderful romance. No wonder I've been having withdrawal symptoms.

Ch.10 You have such talent. I am immediately immersed back into your story, with no questions to ask, for you draw me in with the first paragraph, and then create the distinctive character of Daniel's mother.
Your writing is flawless too.
Except, perhaps, when re-reading, you should check the number of commas you use:
'As he and Richie jockeyed for position, Daniel, unhooked his belt, which held the holster for his prized LeMat pistol, then he peeled off his jacket, as well, and handed both to Hal.'
And there are two 'took's in the next paragraph.
Yes - more editing for grammar is needed just before the fight. Perhaps you havent got that far with your re-reading.
'She smiled with her whole face.' I love those words.
And a lovely touch at the end.

Ch.11. You're in Summer Rose's VP now. Would she be aware that her eyes were big like a spaniel?
The wedding is almost authorial and objective. Would it not be better to show more of what they're feeling?
And then you revert to Hal insisting they marry with haste ... perhaps this would be best put before the ceremony?
I cant stop.

Ch.12. Perhaps you need the pluperfect in appropriate places of the first paragraph.
And you drift between POVs.
Then I am lost in the love scene you portray.

I am lost for words, too, Caroline. Maxi starred yet again.
Jane (Breath of Africa)

Hi KC

This is your HF Review

KC this is fabulous - absolutely fabulous. I first read this nearly a year ago and was really looking forward to seeing how it had progressed. I wasn't disappointed. This is slick, polished and ready for publication. It also has everything I would enjoy in a novel, great characterisation, humour, tension and mystery.

Your descriptions of the landscape are also stunning - I can imagine my self there. I particularly enjoyed the line starting: 'Free from the smouldering humidity...'

The bond and camaraderie between the two men is realistic and strong. I particularly enjoyed their ribald talk about Hal's wild goose. This has got the right amount of sauciness for the time IMHO.

The only thing that stopped me in my tracks was the use of the verb 'dove.' We don't have that in UK English - they 'dived' he 'dived' etc. Otherwise, everything else was fabulous.

Just read to the end of Chapter Three and I am so, so impressed. You describe a horrific battlefield with the same incredible attention to detail as you describe Daniel's alcoholic nightmare of pain and treatment after he is shot. I can see that troopers head cannonballing towards me and feel the body fluids dripping down his tunic. Daniel's growing infatuation and love for Summer Rose is described in a dreamlike way through the fug of agony and alcohol as Hal helps him back to the valley and Summer Rose removes the bullet and stitches him up.

The only two things I had a problem with in your entire three chapters are one the dream where her father and brothers pay him a visit and two the fact that she is running around in her underwear with Hal around.

IMHO the dream sequence is a real mistake. You have got an incredibly impressive and realistic novel here which will get you a huge amount of respect - but bringing an element of the supernatural into it with a 'visitation' from her father and brothers smacks of the superstitious nonsense prevalent in young adult fiction. Besides which, is it really necessary? Yes, her Dad tells Daniel her nickname but your novel is that strong it does not need this little device. We can already sense the love growing between them.

Then there is the underwear issue. Yes, by all means let Daniel have a sneaky peak at Summer Rose in her camisole and knickers wading into the lake for a wash - but please, please put her old clothes back on for the rest of time she attending to his wounds etc. Daniel may have been quite harmless with his injuries but Hal wasn't. And I just cannot accept that an intelligent, well brought up young woman of that era would have done this.

I am sorry if this seems really harsh, but I think you have a really publishable novel here KC - but I think you need a bit of brutal honesty about these two issues. However, having said that, historical romance is not my genre so please take or leave my comments as you see fit.

Backed and highly starred. :)

Best wishes

Susanna
'The Missing Heiress'

HFRG on ‘Summer Rose’
Title – It is a beautiful name for a girl but isn’t she only one of three main characters and the SP suggests that Daniel is the real MC.
SP – I would rethink this. There is so much more to your story than a love affair
LP – This had me hooked. Not just a lightweight romance set against the backdrop of a tragic war. A menage a trois with spies,treachery and a thread including the dark underbelly of a nation’s history is going to be presented to us.
Chapter one – From the opening scene your prose is very sensual. You paint beautiful images and I could feel the heat and the touch of the cool water on the skin of Daniel and Hal as they go for that swim. Their vulnerability is captured in that moment when gunshots are heard. The reference to Custer helped to hook this reader. I do hope you will give us your version of that fascinating individual later on. The preparation of the coffee, Kip’s appearance and the interaction between these three at this first meeting is great storytelling. The question planted in the readers mind over Kip’s gender at the end is jarring for me. I would have preferred a more subtle reference, allowing the reader to guess that this was indeed Summer Rose – her skin, voice, eyes, lashes were perhaps what made Daniel uneasy?
Chapter two – I was unsure of the passage of time before this chapter opens. The contrast with the sensual idyll of Camellan and the horrifying inferno of Gettysburg is sudden and dramatic. Your references to the events of the battle, dropped in casually as witnessed by wounded Daniel are pitch perfect – just as the best HF always is. No infodumps or unnecessary detail. A battle seen through the eyes of one of its witnesses. Great stuff.

Throughout these first two chapters my recurring concern was of the nuts and bolts of the plotline. Was Kip carrying the salt and pepper thyme and garlic when the birds were shot or had she nipped home to prepare them? How much time had passed between 1and 2 and why did Hal agree to take a badly injured friend back to the lake anyway. If he was able to ride for two hours he wasn’t at death’s door and would need treatment to his wounds – he couldn’t have expected to be rescued by Summer Rose .
Chapter three – The delirium of a wounded man, drunk on whisky is nicely conveyed as he is rescued by an “Angel” but his dream when he learns direct from her father the name ‘Summer Rose’ is a mistake in my view – nothing that has happened so far which could explain this and your tale does not need fantasy to sustain it – but perhaps I missed something. For me Summer Rose and Daniel are rather dominating proceedings with Hal, at present about as prominent as the horse, Chester. If this ménage a trios is to really cause conflict within this reader as to which of these men Summer Rose should end up you need more clear blue water between Hal and Daniel.
Chapter four – The beauty and femininity of SR is well done. But as you write yourself their picnic on an island in the middle of a lake is somewhat incongruous. We get access into SR’s head as she contemplates these two men and this felt a little awkward. You have shared Daniel’s thoughts with us throughout but this is the first time you have allowed us into SR’s. The discussion regarding the battle did verge on infodump territory for me. I would have less of this personally. Will read on and comment further.

Going by your pitch and the first few chapters that I read I can say that this is a beautifully written story. I can even see this being made into a mini-series.
Just don't cast Kirstie Alley in it.
Good luck!

Christina
Take a Sick Break

I'm so surprised to find books like this one here....instead of on a bookshelf at the local Barnes & Noble. I'm eager to find out what happens with Daniel and Summer Rose and Hal and the others. If all the books here are this good, then I have some work to do on my own.

Best wishes,
~Audrey

Well I can only add my compliments to is what a very well written and endearing read thus far - black mountains and lavender coloured sky did it for me - very accomplished and deserves all the support it can get - Wilfred (He Was a Most Peculair Man)

I'm still enjoying 'Summer Rose' and it's keeping me guessing, this has promise of an intriguing story. In chapter one you mention rifles and 'scopes', I'm not entirely certain that they existed in the 1860s - but I could be wrong. Also chapter 3 'veni, vedi,vici' has the more literary translation ' I came, I saw, I had ' but that works just as well in the context within which you use it. Not criticism, I accept that I could be incorrect. thanks

Cyrus

I was a soldier once and I found your imagery lively, fresh and evocative. I intended to read just two chapters this lunchtime but fell for the storyline. my lunch break is becoming a little extended, I will have to put this aside for now but will put you on my watch list. Most enjoyable.

regards

Cyrus

Not much of a "war" reader, a little slow moving for me at the begining but defniatly picked up once I got into it. I really enjoy your descriptions, I can "see" what is happening in my mind. WL, and hope to read more as time allows.

Kayla Cargiulo

I just finished the first chapter. I loved it. And the part where Kip brought that knife from his pants had me on the edge of my feeet. My first impression of Kip was that he was a child sent in to fool the soldiers and I thought he was going to kill them. but then he saved his life. Now I'm thinking that perhaps the young boy is not a boy at all. Maybe he is really a girl which reminds me of the boy in The last of the Golden Bears who turned out to be a girl. I am giving high stars and putting on my watchlist. I will back this in the next week. I will definitly return to read more of this.

- Summer Rose -

(Based on chapters 1-3)

The opening here is some very classy writing indeed. We are dropped right into the Civil War and right into the friendship between Daniel and Hal. The historical setting is convincing without the details being overbearing. There is an effortless to the setting is what I'm trying to say. The opening chapter has some nice characterisation in the differences between Daniel and Hal and there is some food tension in there too as we are never sure whether rebel soldiers are staliking somewhere in the proximity.

The second chapter is completely action-packed as we are again dropped right into the scene, this time on the battlefield. The scene captures well the confusion and horror of all too many things happening quickly, lives and limbs being lost in an instant and men never knowing where death can come from next. I did wonder a little whether there should have been a little more lead-in to the battle as I was a bit confused at first as to how we got there from the relatively tender ending to chapter one. This is a minor quibble though.

The third chapter is where the romance element comes in well. We are introduced to an angelic figure fleeting before Daniel's eyes and begin to fall in love with her just as he does.

Some nitpicks.....

Chapter one
-"Daninel expelled air much like the horse which ruffled his thick moustache."
.....Obviously it's not but this did lead me to mentally picture the horse with a moustache. Perhaps a slight rephrasing here?
-"Nearer, an island strewn with boulders and ancient pines, beckoned him."
.....I'm not sure why the middle of the sentence is set in parenthetical commas here.

Chapter two
-"Dante's inferno had nothing on the scene before him."
......Personally, I found this a little bit jarring as my mind was working on picturing one historical period and this took me off to Florence in the renaissance all of a sudden.

Chapter three
-"Good lord."
....Should 'Lord' be capitalised?

As I say, I found this to be very classy stuff. It works as historical fiction as well as romance and takes us through a tumultuous time through the eyes and lives of some very engaging characters. Excellent.

All the best with it,

Ross

Hi KC,
Great opening paragraph. You draw us straight into the setting, and the second word "union" tells us straight away where and when we are in time. Tiny nit: I don't like the word "big" for stallion - it's a bit weak, and do you need it at all?
"Being with a girl was about the only thing that kept a girl at bay" - I'm not sure what you meant by this? Was the only thing that stopped him thinking about girls?
I skipped to chapter 12 after reading a comment below... "The porch steps where the three of them sat..." Do you mean "had sat"? Otherwise it sounds like they are still sitting there when he carries her over.
I love your detail - the paragraph where she is making sandwiches, you can just hear the romantic music growing louder as he watches her and desires her more, then the teamwork which shows companionship, the tenderness of his removing the hairpins. "Colour dusted her cheeks" - that's lovely. "never once did he feel (or had he felt) like he know felt" is a bit weak, though.
It's so full of atmosphere - I don't know exactly how you do it, I think it's the detail of describing how they are together and how tender he is with her and fab phrases like "desire slammed through him". Like it a lot!
(Oooh, I've just read another comment below -two chaps fighting over one girl is definitely one the ladies will love!)

hello Caroline,I sent you a message some time ago and sent you my story on Ward Hill Lamon,I wonder if yhou have had a chance to read it?I must confess I'm very interested to know what you think as you are the first American to read it,with best wishes, Strachan Gordon

Hello KC,its great to read something about the Civil War,its always amazed me how few Americans have written fiction about it,or indeed made movies - do you think its because its still a painful subject?You have a very clear and crisp style,which conveys information very efficiently and I think what are writing about is full of potential,what could be more dramatic than love and war,I've read three chapters,I'll try to catch the rest.Which side would your ancestors have been on,in England we always root for the Confederacy,despite what General Grant said - 'It was one of the worst causes in History' - obviously he meant because of slavery.Would you be so kind as to take a look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer',which is set in the 17th century and involves Pirates,Cambridge University,lost love,the attack on Panama 1671,the Great Plague of London,Spanish Ladies,five handed duels,boots of Spanish Leather and more.I've been a Civil War fan all my life and have actually written a short story on Lincoln's bodyguard,Ward Hill Lamon - Id be happy to send it to you on an attachment,with best wishes,Strachan Gordon

SUMMER ROSE
K. C. Hart

Today I finished reading all nineteen chapters. I do so hunger for more and would very much love to read the rest.

For me this story consistently moves forward with the same magical way you have of the telling of it. I feel as if I am there every step of the way relating to the characters and observing the events as if I were one of your ghosts privileged to enjoy the unfolding of this adventure.

The quotation of The Gettysburg Address is especialy poignant to me for very personal reasons. My late husband was involved in Civil War reinactments for many years and on our wedding night, he recited that address to me. Rather odd to some but meaningful to him and because it was, I treasure the memory. I am so grateful to you for writing this important piece of history into your novel. As Americans, I feel we should all never forget what our country suffered during that time and care should be taken to never allow it to occur again.

I have not read too many romance novels and those were in this arena so that I might comment. Even though the romance between Daniel and Summer Rose is part of this story, I feel you have given it care and handled the telling with impeccable taste and charm. I loved the surprise in chapter one that revealed Summer Rose was thought at first to be a young boy. Her character is certainly well rounded and exceptionally unique.

I am happy to see I was right in backing this fine example of story telling immediately after chapter one and awarding all my stars to you. I wish you the best of luck toward publication. I feel you have already earned a high place as an author.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time

SUMMER ROSE - Historical Fiction Review
K. C. Hart

Now this one can write! In my opinion, the first chapter is truly perfect. I cannot wait to read the rest. I liked this bit so much I am backing it right now before I go on. It takes a special kind of awareness to capture a scene this well. Nuances with delicate shadings of a clear vision of the time and place are all there. The characters commanded a desire in me to know them better.

I see it stated that it is incomplete. I certainly hope that there will be more as I want to immerse myself in this one and the end will no doubt be spectacular.

Guess you can tell I really like it.

Backed

Sincerely
Mary Enck
A King in Time

Hey K C, I am a history buff and love to read about the civil war. Your visualization of the surroundings of your story is wonderful. From the scenery of the valley with the waterfalls to the island with tall pines. your desriptions also of the horses and of the two soliders was wonderful. Then enters Kip a young boy tought in the way of survival by his dad, an officer killed in antedem. HIs defiant backwoods attitude was wonderful for the time. There is a mystery forming around Kip that will be answered in the next few chapters.( I WILL be reading them). Overall a wonderful start to your story.
Your short pitch: I would like to see something encompasing the whole book. It is wrapped up in the first chapter.
Once again a wonderful story and starred accordingly. I hope to make room on my shelf soon.

Your book is doing well, the rankings look good. I have read some more and as always it keeps me wanting to read more. I will put it back on my shelf is a couple of days.

Historical Fiction Readers Group Review

My intention was to read the first three and last, offered three chapters but I found it entrancing; and as a review it is going to be VERY thin on criticism becaause I found it the most charming book I have read in a long time.

Well researched, vivid descriptions - some perhaps a little too vivid! - and an engrossing story. I almost feel that it is an impertinence for me to comment on this book as it is so polished and so very, very good...but : ) - and being very picky here - I noticed one or two instances of contractions in the prose such as "didn't" (ch1)and "he'd" (ch10) and not when the characters are thinking to themselves which I assume counts as dialogue. As I say a VERY picky comment as I really couldn't find much else!

Compared to other books I have read on this site it deserves six stars and I will make room for it on my shelf very shortly.

Congratulations. I would buy this book and I would make my friends buy their own copy and not borrow mine!

HF Review chapters 4-5
Picking up on the next two chapters I realize I hadn't read them so it was with fresh eyes that I approached this engaging story. You've developed the three characters fully and made the readers care about all of them. Summer Rose is charming and quirky heroine with a feisty quality that's sure to appeal. You also show her vulnerable side more and it allows the reader to really see her as three dimensional. She's no simpering Sue. She's real. Hal and Daniel are battle scarred and Hal appears to be more of the playboy charmer than Daniel at this point. We get to see a bit of a serious side to Daniel. If anything you might want to emphasize that to distinguish him more from Hal. My one thought you might consider is in regard to Hal's blossoming love for Summer Rose. You've done a good job of showing us that he's "smitten" by the interaction with Hal and his attentiveness to Summer Rose so really you don't need to keep stating how how much he's in love with her.

Chapter 4
Overall this chapter reads very well and moves the story along at a nice pace to show the unfolding relationship between the characters and establishing a bit of backstory. You don't overload the reader with the backstory -- it's nicely threaded throughout the scene, showing a good understanding that too much slows down the story's pace. There are only a few sentence nits here, and I only point to them to fine tune a well written scene.
There is one sentence in the beginning where you write about Hal kneeling and petting the dogs and asks how you tell them apart. You write it in present tense and it is somewhat awkward, besides attaching a tag to an action that deletes the power of the action and the dialogue. You might consider separating them and tightening slightly for something like "Hal knelt and petted the dogs. 'How do you tell them apart?' he asked.

The only other nit in this chapter is the section in which you describe what she's wearing. What you might consider is group the action of Hal and Daniel looking at her in the first bit and then put the dress all together in the second bit and then the reaction while tightening it up. So it might look something like "Daniel looked her over, taking in every detail, conscious Hal was doing the same. She had donned a simple navy skirt, etc. A red gross grained ribbon tied her long dark braid. Her bare feet peaked out from her skirt. She looked feminine and lovely, fresh as sunshine."

Chapter 5 continues to explain the backstory but in a manner that doesn't slow the pace or overburden the reader. We learn more about Summer Rose and in some subtle, very good lines we learn some key bits about Daniel, like that he doesn't believe in God. You revealed the ghost element in a very nice way and it added a depth to the scene that I enjoyed. My only comment you might consider is that I would wonder how eager they would be to share details of the battle with her. Generally I think soldiers directly involved in combat are reluctant to say anything directly related to the battle. It's too powerful a memory (my brother was like that as was my husband's father). Also they would be reluctant to talk about it in front of a woman, I would think. I know you're trying to relay the battle info but maybe you might consider showing Daniel thinking that there was no way on earth he could tell her about the battle and just have him think about the bits you want to convey. That's my only my own thought.

There was just one nit here in this chapter you might want to look at. When Hal talks about Jack and his condition you might want to condense the sentence where you say his body has a tick and just say what the tick is rather than stating there's tick and then describing the tick. And shortly afterwards you write that Hal sees him in the brothel. You might consider re-wording to tighten it to something like "I saw him at one of the brothels, thought I doubt he'd remember me."

All in all this is a good entertaining read with a solid plot unfolding and characters that come alive for the reader. I'm sure it will be on the shelves one day. Kristin

HF Review

I've re-read the first three chapters so far and I'd thought I'd get my comments down now before reading on. I can see you've really worked to polish your chapters and it's paid off. You've tightened it up and improved the flow so that it really creates a great story.
In chapter 1 There are a few little points that you might consider. These are little nits really. The sentence where you say something like "he expelled air like his horse which ruffled his thick moustache" reads as though the horse is horse is ruffling the moustache. You might want to re-word that. And in the paragraph where he thinks there's something odd about Kip, it does seem to me that you hammer the point home a bit too much. Maybe by dropping the last sentence (I think that''s where it is) which reads there was something odd about her, would alleviate that impression. You have already mentioned it a few times before that. Then there is one section where you're writing about the ducks and everyone's attention shifting to them. The second sentence, "Every one's attention shifted to their noisiness" comes across a little awkwardly. You might consider combining it with the first and just add "attracting everyone's attention," to that because you have consolidated the idea of their noise and their attention. The only other nit that I noticed was swhen you're writing about her knowledge of what goes on in D.C. it would appear less confusing initially if you put a "when" at the beginning of the sentence "When I sell eggs I hear..." so that we don't initially think it's two different ideas --namely the situation in the capital and selling eggs in G-burg and skiins in W-minster.

In chapter 2 you have a great scene here. The detail of the battle is vivid and moving without overloading the reader with minutiae and fact that doesn't involve the plot. You maintain your focus beautifully and create wonderful tension. I thought it very well written. I would just mention one nit and that's when you write about the shudders and images paragraph. You've got shudders jolting and then later jerking the length of his body. They come across as a little clumsy compared to the rest of your writing, to me, in any case. You might consider something like "shuddered violently" or "violent shudders wracked his body" if you're adverse to adverbs and if you want him to shudder again, perhaps if you put "shudders took hold of him again" acknowledges that you are deliberately repetitive. You might want to look at the pictures description too. Maybe if you write something like "images flashed through his mind" rather than pictures barged through his mind which, to me comes across as a clumsier image.

In chapter three I think you have really hit your stride there and I really enjoyed the read without noticing anything all that might polish it. This is so far a very well-written novel and a good story. I'm sure you'll climb to ED. Kristin

Smitten 4

SR is like a fairy princess in some ways. The island in the middle of the lake in the middle of the wilderness in the middle of a war is her magical realm. Yet she has a bowie knife handy and is the mistress of practical arts. I confess I was salivating at the thoght of that ham. But the war won't go away and war talk intrudes. It all feels believable. The notion of the peaceful arts finding an outlet on her isle is a strong contrast to the physical destruction of the war. Yet the civilising hand of woman wld have done that whenever it cld. The mutual appreaciation of male and female attractions is uber-romantic. They are all healthy young specimens, wounds apart. How sad that is it such who do most of the killing during war. Will be back for more as I, too, now want to know more about SR.

Orlando
WATCHING SWIFTS

When I read a really good book, I like to think that I completely immerse myself in that world, time period, or setting. Summer Rose took me to the secret valley, put me in the middle of the battlefield, and gave me cold chills when Summer Rose and Daniel finally kissed!! This is truly giving me the heady, stars in the eyes kind of feeling that nothing but an excellent writer can evoke.

I am hoping you will upload more here (please.) If not, I hope to see it on my Kindle very soon!

Best wishes!

I'vegone on to read chapter 5 and 6 and I thin what you're lacking is tension. Yes, there is the bit between Hal and Daniel with Rose - I neglected to mention earlier - but no doubt this setting the seeds for it. You need something between the three of them.

What I've already noticed is that neither of the men smoke - which would have needless to say have been unusual then. I doubt Rose would like it and then you have an extra element to play with in a chapter.

Another thing I feel is missing and it will undoubtedly come later, but I feel Daniel's thoughts should have turned to it by now is returnign to the war. I don't know if they're tried of it, dismayed or still believe in what they're doing - if in a stoic manner as the grandeur of war has been washed away.

Will be reading on and am still overty interested.

Joe

This is NOT my genre! I don't read romances and historical romances have to be set in a period that I'm really interested in. However, you wrote a very compelling story. I loved how at the end of Chapter 2, Daniel thinks an angel took care of his wound. I'm not done reading, but I have to say that this book seems publication ready and that's a rarely thing on this site. I'll be watching how you do. Thank you for writing this lovely book! Lauri (Lela Markham - The Willow Branch)

Ch 2
Read Gettysburg on Sunday, but seem to have lost Monday.

There is some great stuff in this esp, 'their horses chest deep in the tall grass' which I can damn well see as if I am standing there watching them advance towards me, thinking this is all insane. So, too, with this dab, 'The images of thousands falling like pigeons...'

The idea of the enemies passing each other in the weary aftermath is entirely believeble. I can imagine they might deliberatly not see each other, such being the universal dislocation of all after such a time. You have reasearched really well. I had heard from a military buff that in such battles as G where men were tight packed it was not uncommon for men to be killed by flying pieces of other men. So, too, I believe some men were found to never have fired their weapons, to have loaded seven or eight times, but never actually pulled the trigger, much as people throw mirrors from burning buildings. So the image of the 'poor trooper's head' is I am sure an image that wld have been seen by many, many times. O how we are! These things become part of our common psychology and common memory. They call it history, but it is more than that.

The escape to the island, the drink ... it's all entirely believable. And, o, a good looking young woman? Why not? Life is more inventive than we ever are, so it is entirely believable.

I have one criticism of this chapter. The second graph, to my mind is weak. The third graph is far more emotive and that second graph feels slow. I think you cld trim those other battles in at some point, but it feels too rational for him to be thinking in that comparative way. That second graph feels like a historian saying they were bad but this was worse. Also -- my comments are really just about the third and fifth sentences of that second graph. I think it is the word 'thought' in the third sentence. I sense that his thoughts wld be so totally dislocated in part because of exhaustion that they wld be deranged, odd. In sentence five, the word 'process' feels wrong, too modern. Is this any help?

Ron
~ Watching Swifts ~

Historical Fiction Group Review;

I've read up to chapter five at present and I'm going to keep going. I know little about American history, but this era of your Civil War interests me most. I had a discussion once with an American history student asking why the Great War (WWI) is so active in our European minds and is represented in literature and art over and over, yet America shows next to know recognition of it. He told me that your civil war is the equivalent of it, that you guys had gone through the extreme loss of life fifty years earlier and that its repurcussions had the same as the Great War for Britain - isolationism and avoidance of war.

So with that in mind I sat down for a history lesson and there's no doubt you've researched it very well. The narrative and dialogue seems to suit the time very well. Particularly how you've structured the sentences people say. Ironically the one bit I stumbled with was the very first sentence "look out to the lake". I think it would be much better as "out onto the lake" because the way you have seems to make it appear the lake looms over them in my mind.

I found the gender of Kip/Summer Rose a genuine surprise when it turned out she is a she. She was by far the best character in it. I found their was little to separate Daniel and Hal from each other - in fact it would be easy to mix them up now, other than one visited the whorehouse and either the same or the other wasn't as strict in army procedure. I'd prefer it if you could add more to separate them - one is cleverer than the other and quotes poetry or is more involved in politics than the other; one is has more humour than the other; one speaks about his home town in detail.

That was the only real problem I encountered. I also didn't like the name 'Summer Rose', but thats a personal thing. I just didn't feel it fitted well into the dialogue.

Other than that I have nothing negative to say at present. It was well written with no hiccups - interestingly, I, as you did with mine, found some of your comma placements a little out - perhaps it's one of those differences between Britain and Europe.

I think I'll read to finish. Its very good so far. Any questions just ask.


Joe

The plot struck my interest, read first chapter and the dialog and narration are both strong and commanding. my only question is some of the dialog sounded very modern to be late 1800s, have you considered or looked into the phrases and dialog of the time? Might help the audience buy into the piece and experience from the start. Otherwise wonderful piece, I am sure it will be published in no time

Ch 1

I enjoyed the sense of country you evoked in Ch1. I was there, swimming, craving coffee, and I cld see the 'mountains, black against the lavender sky.' The sense of nature is very strong in the ducks, the waterfall, the unblinking dogs and the wild child of the woods. O to be so free. There is great appeal in youth and freedom. But it is tempered by the loss of said child's nearest relatives, the war. On this score, the craving for news rings strong, as does the discussion of conditions in the cities. 'Some part of him never relaxed,' is true of many man at all times, but esp so out in the field during war. And the conversations on Lee, is he here? is he there? must have taken place a million times, just as you describe. So the big picture is right and the little picture is right too, with that dab about using a revolver butt to grind the beans being as sharp as the aroma we can sense rising from said beans. War and peace are fused in the act of using a war tool as a tool for such an essentially domestic, peaceful and pleasurable task as preparing coffee. It seems to symbolise how even in war we crave those moments of civilisation, a cleansing dip and a cup of coffee, and will risk much for them, such is our inclination to be civilised.

Kip is well drawn with the officers' natural suspicions helping to describe him. But Kip is an open soul who tells us much about how things stand. Of necessity, Kip is resourceful and bold. And the knife incident shows astonishing alertness and skill. Kip is as much a part of the wilderness the waterfall and the pines.

Two minor questions. 1) did they have scopes in the 1860s? 2) wld two scouts be so ready to say to a stranger, even a kid, 'We're cavalry scouts.'? Both minor points.

For me though, the most fascinating insight was about how Kip's father was a Scot who had brought the old yarns across the Atlantic, The notion of English literature travelling to and being a key part of life in places 'not on a map.' shows the importance of said lit. This insight also shows, perhaps, how places without names may have come by them. All astonishingly moving. After all, there is a story of some kind behind the naming of every village and hillock in America, many of which have names which are instantly recongnisable to British eyes.

I wld and will read on to find out more.

Orlando
WATCHING SWIFTS

First graph.
No phones, no cars, no planes, no TVs, nothing of what we now are. Yet it feels familiar because it, our history, is in us all. Writers of historical fiction take us back into ourselves. History is incomplete without the art of fiction writers to dress is up, pinch its cheeks and set it before us. Your first all important graph takes us right there. We can smell those pines and see that lake. And that rat-a-tat-tat, which we can hear across 150 or so years, triggers thoughts of other rat-a-tattings of flesh-pecking maxim guns, lewis guns and their German counterparts. The final line about the absence of human stirs thoughts of soldiers in other stories for whom humans have come to symbolise all things evil. Perhaps there has only ever been one war which has gone on forever and will never end. Perhaps all war stories are about the same experience. The instinctive checking of the sand, or the sea, or the sky is what we wld have done. How many thousands of soldier's eyes will have checked the sand in Iraq and elsewhere? It goes on. But for Americans the notion of Americans fighting Americans and shedding American blood on American soil will forever be esp moving. We will read on.
Orlando
WATCHING SWIFTS

I read the discription of the book and would buy it if it was on the shelf. The comments you have received are very flattering. I´m rating and backing your book so I can buy it off the shelf.

I read what you have up of this over the past couple of evenings. I'm usually not very much into romance stories, and even less into historical fiction, so I wasn't sure how I'd feel about this. The writing is so well done, I flew right through it with no trouble. The characters are vividly drawn and compelling to watch. I felt so ashamed of myself; thrilling as I did to the romance and the fights.

There were areas early on where what appeared to be thoughts of characters weren't set off in any way and so they merged with the narrative and felt awkward. I noticed that in later chapters, you were setting them off with italics, which worked well. You have a million comments, and I'm sure any small spelling errors have already been caught. I did wonder about one thing - in chapter 9 you have Fanny "necking" with the Major. Was this term common during this period? It seemed a bit too modern, but possibly it is entirely correct. I wouldn't have the slightest idea, and I'm certain you know more about the period than I do. It just felt a bit out of place.

I can see why you've moved right up the ranks with this; it's certain to appeal to a wide audience and thrill even the unromantic among us.