A Streak Across the Sky

I had to check back to see who wrote this actually because it feels like a woman has written it. (No offence intended). Wonderful writing and your first paragraph sets us up nicely of what to expect.
You have created great characters in Dane and BJ with a lovely premise that will keep your readers entertained.

Happily shelved
Melxx
Impeding Justice

Jack: can you put yur main character's name in the short pitch? Give us more exposition about the relationship. Break up the long pitch so it reads fasetr. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This is a good story. First, your premise: how interesting to think about lovers meeting every summer but having no contact in between. Second, your characters. Both Dane and BJ are likable and because they're so in love, a reader wants to follow them to see how this will end. I liked this a lot. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Jack, your first chapter is an amusing, smooth read. I can't fault anything there. Good job overall.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

A Streak Across the Sky

Hi you have created a very, very credible piece here. I very much like how you create the chatty style. You have wonderful visual descriptions, for me a little more auditory description would have enhanced, but hey, that’s just me. This is a very engaging piece and I hope it does really well – Good luck

This is a really interesting story, I'm glad I stumbled upon it! It's well written and full of suspense! I was only able to read a couple chapters but I'm very intrigued by where this is going to go! Your main characters are nice too, very believable. All in all this was a nice read! Best wishes with it! I don't know how often you are onlilne but had to tell you I liked this!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

I have to ask - how does a man write such great Chick-Lit - it's not fair and I am jealous - anyway this is a great story with lots of potential and well crafted - you have a gift for dialogue and women! BACKED with pleasure and I will be back to read more tonight!

Liz
The Cheech Room

great premise for a story...not my genre for sure, but the pitch worked and got me reading.

something about it reminded me of "sidney sheldon"...meant in a good way of course.

backed...I think this is intriguing.

Nigel Hotton - Fatal Disclosure

Hi Jack,
I can never crit chic lit as I don't know or understand the market for it. This is a warm, sophisticated read and I enjoyed the male viewpoint, - shelved.

Since #3 was in BJ's viewpoint (I read through to the end of #4) I wonder if it might be best to start the book in her POV. If the vast majority of readers are female, this might make the book more saleable. Anyway, it's my only constructive comment as everything is written so well.

Good luck with this

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

Interesting concept. A chic lit romance from the male point of view. I thought your writing was absolutely great and it hooked me right away. Think you should go far with this. Interesting premise. I backed it on January 2nd.

Betty K

Hi Jack, your pitch had me interested and the first chapter hooked me good, well done. Please finish this I need to read the rest! maggie P.

Chick lit written from a male perspective, different and enthralling.
This moves quickly, which is what is wanted for this genre. You do a spot on job at conjuring up the desire and I got a little heated just reading this. I do not normally read chick lit but I did find this engaging and eagerly ate up your words, which were written amazingly well.
Backed
T.L Tyson_Seeking Eleanor

Jack,
Marvelous writing as I thought!
I'm kind of turned off by people getting that close that soon. Just my own thoughts. I usually get interested in a love story when there's more of a buildup of emotions before closeness, but I know that today people expect that (and that's why if I don't get into the groove I'll never get published..,oh my!).
But regardless of that, a wonderful book, I read five chapters and intend to read further where I will probably eat my words, think? Of course, backed.
Lori Buckman

Nice, refreshing contemporary. Will keep reading.

Nicely paced with good imaginative description and dialogue. Characterisation are quick and one can understand them. Very good.

BACKED

Great dialogue, instantly into the characters and the story. This reads like a script for a Working Title movie. I am impressed.
Frank

Jack,
Care to swap reads with me?
Lori Buckman (In Her Own Backyard)

I was attracted by your pitch.It is interesting.
When I started to read I felt that your story was well written and easy to read.
I liked the double narrative style but wonder if, by showing both characters, there is a risk of becoming repetitive if continued throughout the whole book. I recently read "The Girl On The Landing" by Paul Torday. He writes from the view of the main character interspersed with ones from his wife but there is no regular pattern and several chapters pass before each change whereas (at least up to chapter 7 which I have reached so far) you appear to change in each chapter. This is the view of an unpublished amateur so don't take it too seriously.
It is certainly different and I am happy to back you.
Good luck
John

Oh I have read enough to know I will like this, I love romance of any kind.

I especially like this from the guy first person POV and it will make a nice change from the female MC POV especially in first person. As I usually write in third person from both characters POV I enjoyed this different view.

I would read more of this....

Backed

Jo xx

Spoilt

The pitch is brilliant: just enough information to tell us what the book is about, but also enough mystery to hook our attention and make us want to read the book. Other writers here could learn a lot from your pitch alone. It's an intriguing story, highly imaginative and extremely well thought-out. Your characters are well-developed and we can undertsand the way they think and act. I have to say that this is much too good to be dismissed as 'chick-lit. It's a classic romance with mystery thrown in, and written most intelligently. It has my enthusiastic backing. Best wishes, Tony.

Your main pitch draws you in, but your first pitch is a littel confusing. Your writing though is very smooth , if not a little unusual in its style. No criticism as it works well. Backed, because of teh quality fo your writing. Will be watching this none with interest.

Three chapters in and enjoying this, smooth writing (though a little different in your approach). The story is developed really well and you really do have talent for making a scene pop of the page.
Enjoyed and backed.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

I'm surprised that no one has mentioned the first person narrative. I don't think I've read a book where each chapter is written by a different character in the first person. Unusual.
Best wishes
Sue
A Boy Called George

A beautifully written book, with a smooth, fast moving pace and style. I expected your characters to be teenagers from the pitch, and was pleasantly surprised to find myself reading about adults. You have a gift of skillful description. The setting, with its crowds of women in 'short skirts, sandals, sunglasses and sunburns,' comes straight to life. Your description of BJ, 'She looked like one of those almond-eyed queens etched on a tablet from an ancient Egyptian dynasty,' is excellent. The story jumps straight into the love affair, as it should,with BJ's 'Want to see the beach?' A brilliant way to end your first chapter. Looking forward to reading more of this. If it's all up to the same standard, it certainly ought to be published. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

I can see this book doing really well, characters Betty, Dane very believable, story idea great and well writen, I am not good at nit picking I like or I do not. I like so on my shelf you go.

Jack

An intriguing premise, your pitch drew me in.......

(and) the humidity
(But) I lowered......
potholes (and) turning.

I thought the words in brackets unnecessary.....There were others, but I didn't note them, you may not agree.....
Do a word search on both 'and' & 'but' you may not be happy with all the placements.

carried in a grocery sack, and stack of mail.......'typo' and 'a' stack of mail.......

looking almost like a sailboat.........just say....looked like a sailboat.......(say what you mean, not almost what you mean)......

'Get your bathing suit and change in the guest room there' (too long)
''Get your bathing suit, change in the guest room' (sharper)

'She pranced up the open stairs and disappeared into a bedroom at the front of the house.'....
He was not familiar with the house, he would not know a bedroom from a broom cupboard.
'She marched purposefully upstairs and into a room at the top of the landing' (more appropriate)

I enjoyed the read, romance twined with intrigue is a facinating combination....

Shelved of course.....best of luck.....

Dear Jack,

Best of luck with this. I read four chapters. Your writie smoothly. I'm putting this on my watchlist.

KC Hart - Summer Rose

A Streak Across the Sky:

Hi, Jack, this is an enjoyable read, and your writing flows smoothly. Just needs a little pruning here and there. I think you could safely get rid of some of the speech tags, like, 'I asked', and several 'she saids', and, [I said,] "I was there a couple... ' as it's easy enough to follow when it's just the two of them talking, and by the way, you have a good ear for dialogue. :)

Just a couple of nits here.

She tossed her head over her shoulder. This kinda sounds as though she actually tossed her head right over her shoulder. Maybe, she nodded towards the road behind her, or something like this?

I sipped my coffee and tried to gauge if she was going to continue or was waiting for me to respond.
I sipped my coffee and wondered if she'd continue or wait for me to respond? - Says the same thing with less words?

I'm interested to see how things progress when they get to her father's house.

Backed, and all the best.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

A Streak Across the Sky

Hi Jack,

This is lovely, poignant, moving and ultimately intriguing, I love the no-nonsense unsentimental prose and the genuine simplicity of the writing style. You have created a love story with a celestial link, clever idea, carefully crafted. I didn’t spot any major nitpicks, in fact I forgot to do a proper review because I was enjoying it so much.

Well done, happy to support this book, you will do well on this site

Best wishes and well done
Andrew W
(Sanctuary’s Loss)

Jack,

Welcome to Authonomy and onto my shelf.

Rodney