PERIL

Dinner banter was wonderfull, had me smiling. Mans sexual greed infinite and freudians amongst us, all in all intriguing so far. I was thrown by the switch in time from chapter one and two, had thought to suggest switching order but 2 led right into three. Is 1 a prologue? Not sure? Loved what I have read though, 6 starred and watchlisted until space comes available on shelf :)

I think this is extremely good. Fast, crunchy, and with lots of footsteps following. The dialogue is tight and funny.
I must admit, I've only read the first chapter, but I'm there with the Romanian and the aftermath. Well written and absorbing.
Rated.
No space on the bookshelf at the mo, which is annoying.

Billie

hi Ruby,
I just read our chapters and backed and starred your book. Ger is an interesting character, and I'd love to read more of your story. Will you be uploading more chapters? Ger is not very likeable, and I'm thinking your story will not have a happy ending for him.

I was surprised to find a woman had written this story, because I was convinced that all Ger's inner thoughts came from a male's mind, so good for you for making it believable.

My only criticism is that I didn't find your opening chapter interesting, and almost didn't keep reading your story. But I did continue reading and got absorbed into your plot.
I too have written a thriller, COLD MOON RISING, with a unlikeable main character. If you get a chance, I'd appreciate it if you would read and comment. Thank You.

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Ger. I also like your use of the first person narrative voice as this allows you to fully convey his thoughts and feelings. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Your brilliant, dynamic thriller grabbed me and kept me riveted. Credible characters with emotional depth. Crisp dialogue. Confident narrative. Clever wit. Vital writing. I absolutely love this masterfully composed story. Backed.

Sensual, rich with images, texture is the word that comes to mind. How skillfully you pull the character's cloak around us, and we are made to live in his skin. Feels authentic and right.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

To Ruby Barnes (The Rise and Fall of Ger Mayes

I liked this portion of your book and look forward to reading the remainder. The plot is good and I liked the characters. I have no problems BACKING this book.

Frank James (The Contractor

Oh wow!

Some days on this site (what am I saying?) most days on this site I wonder if writing is an art form that climbed inside a tan challenged, toothy dude with a foppish quip who ate a strangely tall dog with an eye on the wizard in the corner. Others, I find myself asking the question....What the fu%&? Today, as I have on only a few others, I can rest back on my cushion (stuffed with dried gizzards of a few randomly culled beggars) and breathe easy. You are still there, you pesky skilled writers, but you are simply enshadowed (I know it isn't strictly a word but it should be) by others who don't write but vomit letters through their keyboards, peppered with blood, sweat and fangs. You madam are a writer in the holistic sense that you are fantastic at everything involved.

You have wonderfully exuberant and believable characters; dialogue that could make a gnome fall off its toadstool; descriptive qualities that are concise and hidden but there nonetheless to make the narrative real. You are creative with mundaneity and relevant with cause and effect. If you were in front of me... well, let's not go there, it would embarass us both.

This is beautifully written and has the best start I have found on this site. You are outrageously funny, (hairy purse...hey, hang on! Is Ruby your real name? Do women wear sporrans? Who cares?)

You are prosaic; "weeping footpaths of Glasgow";

Excellent with dialogue- the dinner table conversation is sublime;

and witty like a cross between Waugh, Sharpe and...well I want to say me because I have not mentioned me in the last hundred words, so accept that my inclusion is purely a self involved thingumy.

"Aunt Mary's face is kindly but I know that she is very discerning with her redistribution of wealth. That's why she's wealthy." FANTASTIC.

I'm keeping this on my WL to keep reading. Any chance you could message me when you upload more?

Ooh, yeah, BACKED (but I think you may have suspected that)

Why is this going down!? This is phenominal writing - if I were a publisher Id be dialing your number. Something for everyone and I love th etongue in cheek humour weaved throughout. Backed 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

Refreshing to read good writing. Enjoyed the first couple of chapters. Best of luck.

Rand

Well plotted, and well paced - and also smoothly edited here as well - and I'm left feeling for the main character by chapter 6. Not sure who would be the ideal publisher to take this one, but that is for an agent to know about.

Read, enjoyed and backed with pleasure

Very appealing and impressive. You sir up heat from line one and I like your descriptions. Very good literary fiction.

Great character in Gerard.

backed

Dear Ruby, I love the twists in your story - I never know what Ger's plight will be - good story. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

The synopsis itself is more than a caricature of Gerard and I had a sense that the chracaterisation within the novel would be searching and well drawn.
I wasn't disappointed.
In the Prologue Gerard - or Ger - is candid, pleasantly cynical, incisive in his observation of the high's and low's of what he sees as the Scotsman, and as sharp with his wit as a razor to innocent flesh.
Chap' 1, in it's warm banter between Tom and Mary is refreshingly 'un-slick', unforced and natural; so that the observation of character is sheer delight. I felt I could help myself to your insights like a child let loose in a candy shop.
All this, combined with some fascinating taboos to come, and the theme that there is 'no such thing as a normal harmless person' is just my cup of tea.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

A perfect pitch, there, and you follow through with a wonderful piece of engrossing fiction. This is not the normal kind of thing I'd pick up to read, and I would be missing out. This is original, stunning in depth and detail and thoroughly engaging.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Ok - the nymphomania part in your synopsis grabbed my attention.. and then I started reading.. I'll probably be repeating what other people must be saying but : the writing flows so smoothly it is very easy to dive right in and get into the character's head.. I found myself wanting to move through each paragraph to find out what happens next.. thoroughly engaging stuff.. Backed and best wishes

This is incredibly engaging writing - accessible yet profound. Gerard is one of the most original characters I have read about in some time. I love the premise and the chapters I read were engrossing.
I am delighted to back this.
Carl
The Time hunters

This is a good story. Gerald may at the end turn into a bad guy but in the beginning he has a sociopath's charm. The idea to introduce your characters at a dinner party is good. Lets a reader know up front who will be important to follow. Liked this. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Would you consider a swap or read of a few chapters for mutual help? We have a dinner party in common!
MODurcain
Murder on the Menu.

Chapter 6. Man flu exists, it's official, I heard it on the news today! My mum says medicine is wonderful ,it allows a woman with pneumonia to nurse a man with a cold, ha ha! This is like a pair of wool socks - you want to stop and take them off but some how you don't. Got to the end and then checked out the start. good luck with this. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Your pitch is great; I like the MC's voice and what I read left me wanting more. Backed.

An original voice throughout... but not enough on offer here to really see if you can carry it off throughout the entire novel. I feel like I've come across the character of Ger before... but the vague hint of menace and trouble ("The exchange was almost soundless and he didn't land a blow. It felt so very good." is a brilliant couple of lines by the way) felt entirely original. I really wish there was a little more to read so I could see where the story will be going, but I enjoyed what was on offer. Not sure about the opening of the book... felt a little too contrived for my liking, and your work is original enough to warrant something better. But all the same, I enjoyed what was available to read and backed simply because I haven't really come across anything similiar on site. All the best with this one. L.x

I wasn't sure about the prologue, but I'm never very comfortable with prologues.
What follows is delicious. Ger is wonderfully repellant and gloriously self-deluded. I liked the way you managed to make him condemn himself out of his own mouth, but then just ocassionally gives us a glimpse of him as others see him...the overheard conversation in the office.
Dublin is captured very well, I've not been there for a couple of years, but when I was last there I was a bit shattered by the number and style of the beggars on the streets. I think you included every variation here.
The murder was well handled and I'm interested to see where you're going to take this.

THRILLING!!!
Backed.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.

This is wonderful. Strong writing and distinct and believable characters. I didn't even hate your prologue and I hate prologues. Backed with pleasure.

This is worthy of a backing, which I have already done. Love the premise, but can't read enough to see if it all works out. Dave

I like the premise of this story, the characters, and the good use of dialogue . Overall I think it has a lot of promise. I enjoyed the start and it kept me reading long enough to know that it deserves a bit of time on my shelf.
Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

The dialogue is strong and keeps the story going on, theres not too many blocks of it slowing down the plot which is good. Perhaps need some more descriptions to give us a sense of place. I like the main character Gerard, he is realised fully. It is a witty, absorbing and clever piece of writing.
Happy to back
Christina
From Under the Bed

Great prologue - the charm of your roguish raconteur does its job. Your characters are defined in a few concise, precise strokes; as the dialogue weaves in the second chapter, their voices are distinct. Not easy to do that. There is a subtle sense that something significant is about to change in these intertwined lives. This is cleanly and cleverly written, and full of personality. I would gladly carry on reading.

Hi, I enjoyed this. I've been reading comedy all morning. Have the house to myself for once. Being Scottish, this held a special place for me. I have also been reading a few Scottish authors recently. I think you have captured the setting well with the witty dialogue. I will come back to this one later. Good Luck

I was once advised that a Yorkshire man was like a Scots man with the generosity squeezed out of him, think this might need to be readdressed. Would have absolutely loved this if it hadn’t been for my ex-wife is called Jo and the dinner party at the beginning was a little too close to (ex) home. Very good.

Fresh, entertaining and a totally different way to present the thriller/crime genre.

I like Ger's wife's name... :-)

You feed us a little at the start to hook in and then begin from the start... your first line is a good one too, sometimes the opener can disappoint.

Jo xx

Spoilt

entertaining, witty and well written; I like a good antihero. and Ger is certainly that; I echo some comemnts below about the slow start, but i quit elike that - too many books rush into things headlong lookign for that instant grab, whereas I like an old fashioned slow burn for a change.

Backed

Cheers

Stanny (the Bibble)

Turnip/Ruby,

Chapter one is very good. Excellent dialogue all well grounded in the dinner party setting. My only thought is that there's little detail on the setting, I have no sense of whether they live in a mansion or a flat.

My other thought, is to wonder whether or not you need the prologue. It's very good, but the first chapter is too--and it seems to me the main thing your prologue does is introduce Ger's voice, and I'm not sure he needs any introduction. He grabs centre stage from the get go.

Chapter two, I felt the back-story so early slowed things down a little, but then that the last paragraph provides a valuable insigh into Ger.

Chapter three, is interesting. I feel like the opening is skipped over--I felt almost cheated. But then Ger arrives at the station and the way he judges the day's weather by the air, well I'm a commuter and know just what you mean, the work scene's brilliant (I also happen to work for a railway) and then by the end of the chapter I rather think the writing's on the wall.

This is, I would guess the longest chapter so far. I wonder if you can't expand the opening and then split it in two?

But, look, this is wonderful writing. Backed with pleasure.

Ruby,

The Rise and Fall of Ger Mayes - gosh, I adore the writing, totally absorbing. Complex heroes are my kind of addiction, the ones out for an easy life. But Ger tops it. Love the wry humour ... they're penny wise and pound foolish. And do they rob beggar bowls in Glasgow? Tough lot. I back this with great pleasure.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Turnip, I've looked at the prologue and first chapter. Very well-written. You should promote yourself on authonomy some more. Heartily backed.

Joffrey

Catchy premise – the counterpoint of begging/charity within a story of adultery

I would rearrange the first chapter to start with “I was brought up to believe. . .” It is such a strong statement and the first to really grab me. I liked the rest, just thought the entry of the story better served by playing around a bit with paragraph ordering. Just a thought.

The chapter title, the first paragraph of CH2 just sucked me right in.

She gives me an eager looks that needs pleasing – nice. Lots of these nice moments.

Ten Commandments, caps. Desert- dessert

I found the transition from fantasy fuck to the actual seductive moments a bit forced, or actually somewhat undeveloped? – Ger should react more, be surprised, conflicted, something. . .moments like ‘the right socket’ are kind of wasted. . .you could have a bit more fun trailing us along in Ger’s head trip.

I realize that the character is somewhat hapless, adrift. . .you don’t want to lose this, but a couple of nice, heavy plonks of a rock dropped in the waters might well serve all this skipping of pebbles on the surface.

Just another pair of eyes and a set of ten fingers. . .pay me no mind if this makes no sense to you. Good luck with the book. This deserves a strong rise in the ranks.

Backed.

Hi,
I like the plot of the story and I must appreciate you for the opening of the story. It is quiet good.
All the best.
backed with wishes.
S. vinay Kumar

Okay Turnip, sorry for the delay. I've had a look at your first chapter and taken a peak at chapter four. It is well written and the first thing I thought was 'Stage Play' Maybe you should try that angle. Your dialogue is captivating and I have written your name on paper. I intend to add you to my WL as soon as I clear some novels. From there you will automatically go on the shelf whilst I read some more. If it grabs me, I will read the whole thing. Talk to you soon. Maybe one of us should write about a tax collector. They seem to fuck up every year. Again, sorry for any delays

I hope this gets published because how else am I going to find out what happens next. I found the first four chapters to be good, but the final two posted are seriously exciting. Shelved.

Thought this added a fresh spin on an increasingly tired genre. Good writing, but I didn't feel that the book really took flight until chapter 4. Keen to read more.

Darren Floyd
Match Day

Backed just for the pitch! Look forward to reading it.

Darren Floyd
Match Day

Turnip! This work is wonderfully voiced and a nice departure from what I've been reading of late. I'm reminded a bit of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe and I mean that as a huge compliment. You are the dialog master. This is front and center on my shelf and I'm eager to continue reading. JupiterGirl. (Twins of the Astral Plane)

Great dialogue. Keeps the pacing moving at a really good flow.
Backed,
Tracy
The Guardians

This is an example of what the term "well turned phrase" is about. Flawlessly written and beautifully described, it is an unusual perspective in which the narrator speaks to the reader.

That Mr. Barnes has a unique and eloquent voice is beyond dispute. His opening chapter draws us into the character easily and charmingly. From that point onward, we are introduced to a menagerie of characters each delineated impeccably.

Although there is some debate over the use of first-person, nothing is carved in granite. Mr. Barnes, in relying upon this approach, allows us to co-exist within the psyche of the MC. Consequently, we are not simply objective viewers of events passing before us, but vicarious participants within the story.

Writing of this caliber is not often found on this website. This is obviously a skilled, sensitive and imaginative author who provides both context and detail within a flowing storyline.

Zealously backed,
Alan

What a fantastic opening line. The first line can sometimes, I feel, be the most important of the book as it has the daunting task of engaging the reader and pulling them in, making them want to read more. The story is brilliantly written and very enjoyable. Backed.

I will say that as a sci-fi, fantasy, comedy reader/writer this very realistic modern piece was going to have a struggle! Good opening though and gets my attention and interest. One passive voice “would have had his beggar's bowl robbed” perhaps “would have his beggar's bowl robbed”?

I once had a response from an agent that she liked my book but didn't do present tense! Unbelievable I know and I hope attitudes have changed...

First para. A sentence starting with “And”. I've been told to avoid those unless absolutely integral.

More passive voice “Renee has never had.”

Well written and good work at getting the connections from the opening to the dinner party so happily backed.

Howard
He's Dead, You Idiot

Dear Ruby Barnes,
Your second chapter is brilliant. The dialogue and innuendo are so good that I will go back and study how you did it. You’ve characterized Ger so well by the end of chapter 2 I’m saying out loud, “There is a god, he can’t reproduce.” Just into chapter 4, I think I might have dated him. What a creep.” By the end, I acknowledge I am a babe in the woods where these sociopaths are concerned. I’m eternally grateful I’m now retired and do not have to deal with the toilet paper wars, trains, or train stations. I am going to proudly back ‘The Rise and Fall of Ger Mayes.’ This is the best of its kind on this site.
KC Hart
Summer Rose

'Sandy' haired, eh? Sounds like another 'Ginge' in denial. This is a book I'm prepared to 'root' for. Putting it frankly, it's superb. How a writer can establish characters and plot with such panache using dinner-time conversation is beyond my ken. It is done with such a light touch and is very, very funny. I creased up with the dentures bit. I'm sorry to sound bossy, but this writer is going to have to work as hard as he can to make sure his book is published. I'm doing my bit and backing it.

The dialogue in the first chapter works very well, is natural, and moves the story along. It's very easy to picture the scene. "Antique leather" is a good description of the drink-loving aunt. A little later the "buried treasure" aunt starts choking on a bone. She survives and they start talking about beggars and cocaine habits, and Ger almost starts to play the guitar. You end with a nice hook, "a man's sexual greed is infinite." Well said and a nice plot so far. I'm curious to see what happens when the sword is brought down on their heads.

I notice the father may not have been a man since you started the next chapter with "father's appetite for handshakes was infinite." Just joking. No doubt, father had infinite greed for sex and infinite appetite for handshakes. I like the say Ger eliminates future hassles with bullies. That was very nice. As is this book so far. Shelved with pleasure. I want to come back and see when the sword is brought down.