Collision

I see that your book is already published.
Glad to see I can spot talent!
Best regards,
Rossa Forbes - Holistic Recovery from Schizophrenia: A Mother and Son Journey

Hello John, loved what I have read - so dark and disturbing - good descriptions - felt I could see the characters. Shelved last few days but need the space - perhaps you might do me the honour of reading mind?
Paula - Ruined Echoes

the pitch is good. pulled me right in and the writing is solid and flows well with good imagery. Backed

John, the simplicity of your cover art is alarming in itself and fascinating .Your pitch is polished and it pulled me in. Your writing is soothing, I found myself entrench in the sentences and floating from paragraph to paragraph. The tension is massive and contains your world, your Alice in Wonderland-Wizard of Oz. You have created your own history, culture, and rules. This is storytelling at it best.
Best of luck my friend
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

I'm sure I backed this a long time back. Excellent work...can't find a comment though.

hmmm

Okay, backed to make sure.

Nick
"Mirror In The Sky"

John, your Prologue (although you don't call it that name) and first chapter read smoothly. It's obvious this is professionally written. Your documentation in the Prologue reminds me of the way Stephen King writes his thrillers. Nothing to nitpick in these sections.

Sincerely backed.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Hi John I read the first three chapters and can't understand why this is falling. This is a brilliant story, I love the character of Edward but I'm sure all the girls say that. Joan on the other hand is a mystery, she seems to be extremely religious but I know from the synopsis that this is a story about possession so I'm waiting for her devotion to turn sour. Not waiting impatiently though as I have been engrossed in this from the start. You writing flows really well and you build atmosphere in a really subtle way, I can't put my finger on why but i had a chill running up my spine as I read, even your description of Edward was somewhat otherworldy and I got it into my head that he was perhaps the devil but anyway that's my head going off in strange directions. On my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Dear John, an intruiging peice of work you have here, had us looking over our shoulders in the dark.

Backing it.

Eleanor and Sharkey.

Hello....

my name is Jupiter Echoes.

I have lived and worked in Canada, Czech Replublic, Qatar and UK.

I've been a teacher, a goat herder, helped out on farms, owned a small business in my youth, worked markets.

I love creative writing.. novels.
I also love hiking, biking, show jumping, chess, occassional xbox game, and board games.

I don't drink or smoke or take drugs.

I've hiked in the Rockies, BC, the Yukon, and the Highlands of Scotland.

My dream i guess would be to have a small holding somewhere in the Highlands, maybe near the sea so as to collect seaweed for the fields. However, I also like to go off hiking for weeks at a time... preferably solo, though i do enjoy other's company. Solo hiking also takes the strain of those you live with, and yourself. Enriches the relationship. I don't like living in someone else's pocket.

My writing is fantasy based, with dashes of mystery, horror and sci-fi.

I'm thinking of returning to teaching abroad, and maybe travelling to Nepal, or somewhere like that.

Maybe instead look into a post grad course in environmental studies to go with my business degree.

I don't know. Tried to settle down in last six years but things didn't work out. Hence I live in a caravan for the moment, don't have much money, but do possess a van. I write a lot. So, i am the typical penniless wannabe author... except i am not an alcoholic. I think i aught to start sending my work off to agents.... i haven't done so in the last two years.

I used to do a little martial arts, play squash, babmington and general other sports... but not brilliant at them.

Physically, reasonably well built... so i wouldn't say fit... a bit of muscle though.

Well... That just about sums me up.

Except, i just realised i am in no position to have a serious emotional relationship with someone....
so i guess friends is the answer....

My fantasy book is really about belief systems and climate change.
http://authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=12176

If you would like photos, try...
http://picasaweb.google.com/tyraxxa

I'm sure I backed this before, but for some reason it's still on my WL and has an undeserved red arrow.

You write beautifully! Already this story has a schizophrenic-type feel to it. Your characters are well defined and the angst is already evident without being depressing. However do beware of cliches - eg 'eye candy' & 'perish the thought'. I think this book definitely deserves to be on bookshelves. well done. shelved.

Collision is based on an intriguing premise that creates great scope for drama and the supernatural, and allows your characters to flourish. Your writing is polished and takes full advantage of this to create a pacy narrative which brings both characters and places vividly to life for the reader. No nitpicks or suggestions - backed.

John, I have now read all 10 chaps of your book and have been caught up by the story line which has been enhanced by your vivid portrayal of the characters from poor lost Joan to Edward who is trying to help her. Personally I think that you could cut out some of the dialogue between the nurses and the policemen which is unnecessary to the plot. I am putting you on my shelf and look forward to reading more if you post it. Regards, Anne, "Tyson's Tale."

Hi, John. Intriguing pitch. Well done. Got me to read the book..., well, 3 chapters of it.
Excellent. A real strange one. You have an effective narrative style that flows nicely and is very easy to read and follow. The story develops well, one little thing on top of another with good continuity. This, in my opinion, is superbly done, also well worth backing. On my shelf and the best of luck with it.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

Hi, great book and I honestly didn't expect to like it! well done and good luck, Maggie P.

Hi - great read. Your book has a similar theme to mine and so I was interested. To be honest, your first chapter is not what pulled me in, but rather your second. You write well and I'm happy to back you for a time. Good luck.

Jeanne (Dark Angel)

Argh! I can't stop reading! Your writing is polished and very well written. You are a natural storyteller. Fantastic story!
Backing.

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly

Hi John, this story is absolutely gripping. You have a special voice which delivers such a clear picture of the events, it is so easy to feel part of this book. I do wish you had given a deeper insight into the character Joan as I feel slightly at a loss to her age. She is obviously Sean and Bernadette's daughter, so I guess she must be about Seventeen-ish?
Anyway, that was just an observation which is not too important as the characters are so perfect, they come to life with your direct and vivid dialogue. One other small gripe half way down ch3. When Joan's Mother is talking to her through the door to her room, I wasnt sure who said ...."Won't you at least try and talk to him without losing your temper and storming off again" ( I may be wrong, but the paragraph before this speach, has open speach brackets, but you havent closed them before delivering the text I highlighted above.)
Sorry for being so nit picking as I do really like this book. If I am wrong, I do apologise.
Ok besides all the nit picking and half hearted proof-reading, I think you are a wonderful writer and have the hallmarks of sound and clever title which deserves my vote.

All the very best, Merry Chrismas, and shelved all at the same time.
Frank Island 42.

Well this was far better than I was expecting - and I was expecting good! Deeply dark, a tad disturbing and an enjoyable page scroller (you just cant say turner on the PC can you!) Happy to back my friend.

Pete

Sucked me in at first sentence, addicting. Love it.
Holly
Author of Scent

Darkly hypnotic, surprisingly hot and deep. Devilishly good.
V

Okay, you got me. hook line and I'm sunk!

Brilliant , frightening ...and un-put-downable. I read it all...all 8 rivetting believable chapters.

backed...more please!!!!!

Suzannah Burke
Aka Suzie
Dudes Down Under.

definitely worth publishing. I'm completely hooked- your writing flows and keeps me reading at the same time. Beautifully written :)

Brittany Adkins
My Last Notes

This is what am looking for,,,psychological and intellectual thriller. Thanks for delivering it!

Tope
Times of the supermen

Fantastic writing. Dark, intriguing, compelling.
backed
Genevieve
Under the Same Sky
I'd love to hear what you think of my book sometime.

Hi John, I started reading the prologue last night, but then decided having already read the pitch, alone in the attic late at night was not the place to carry on, so here I am at a much more sensible hour, when nothing is lurking in the shadows.
I've read three chapters so far and it's bloody good. I'll be carrying on with this til it gets proper chilling.
Paul.

There's no question in my mind how you moved up as fast as you did: your prose is gripping. And to be a man, capable of writing such a sensual scene as the one in '2' ... suggests great talent, and more specifically, the ability to take us into the mind of a woman. You obviously pay attention to people and take good notes. The prose is just seamless. A pleasure, too, to read a clinical take on possession... sort of The Exorcist in a new light.

Jeff Sinclair
No Heaven

You've moved up pretty high pretty fast! How did you manage that? Like what I've read so far. Backed.

I think pandy recommended this and it is good...you introduce a lot of new characters and I think it is half way through chapter 3 before one reappears, but despite that, I remained interested.

And the premise, a modern take on the exorcist, is interesting.

I expect this to do well.

What a fascinating subject to write about. There has always been speculation and wonder about possession.

Your pitch offering your insite into this subjec would have me pick this up should I see it in a bookstore. That there is romance offered is icing on the cake for me.

Then as I began to read (great start BTW) and discovered such excellent and polished writing. Everything about your writing is spot on.

Wish I was reading a paperback copy.

Backed with pleasure.

Jo xx

Spoilt

So, does this mean that my mentally challenged family just may really be possessed? I always wondered about that! Eclectic! Talented work. I will wait patiently for the rest....

sue sohn

Mmm... I like the pseudo scientific prologue and then ... the opening is straight out of "Basic Instinct" (the script of the movie reads she was "jackhammering" on him) but that's okay... not an icepick in sight. It's very very well written, professional. So you're up against "The Exorcist" (and its many sequels and prequels) and ... you have the talent to pull it off. Post more, please, or at least a synopsis! Tremendous.
UPDATE (22.12.2009): I bought the book in hardcopy, arrived today. My christmas read.
Frank

Hey
I have read all that you have uploaded and it had me gripped. The writing seems flawless to me containing enough technical information but not so much that it baffles the reader. I am looking forward to reading more when you upload it.
Backed with pleasure.
Jenba

Dear John,

I am a skeptic regarding demonic possession and quite knowledgeable about schizophrenia, and you hooked me. Your writing is excellent. I love all the POVs and themes. I'll read more when you add chapters. You will, won't you? Backed.
KC Hart-Summer Rose

This is very strong, professional writing. It works very well as a straight thriller but adds so much more along the way. A great cover and pitches that really hit the spot make a great start and I've read the first 6 chapters so far without pause. I'm a reader, not an editor, but I found nothing that caused me to hesitate at all. This is fine writing, both on a technical level and as a means of telling a story. I understand why you start with the short factual passage, it's brief and all the more effective because of that brevity, and the next chapter opens with a sex scene making a splendid contrast.
On my shelf.
Jared.

Hi John!

Very interesting premise to a thriller you've got here! Love the book cover, and your pitch is written well. Your short pitch - I love how you start with a question (well, you do that in the long pitch too...) - it's a great way to engage the reader from the start, make them want to open the book to find out the answers. Your long pitch is good too, though I would suggest you section it into multiple paragraphs to make the material easier on the eyes. Also, I think the semicolon after "long party" should be a comma instead.

Inside... Chapter one reads like non-fiction. The reference to the New York Medical College and the article in the New Oxford Review gives credibility to the storyline, makes it seem real.

Chapter two switches gears. I read "God, he was beautiful." and thought it was a nice change of pace from the educational tone in chapter one. Then when I realized where the chapter was headed (to bed!!!), it really amped up the switching of gears. Good though - light and fun change of pace. Intriguing, as you don't name anyone, so I had to read on to find out who was romping in chapter one. (Great job there!)

Second section in chapter one starts out with "God is Beauty." and it struck me as how similar the first section started - at least with regards to the choice of words. I don't know if that was by design on your part, but I liked it (for what it's worth). In the first paragraph, I think instead of the colon after "Lord" - I would put a period and start a new sentence with "What else did they have?" Might pack more punch that way. (That's a style thing, take it for what it's worth.) The interaction with Joan and the priest increases the intrigue as you don't know her backstory or understand why she's troubled and asking such deep questions. You sure know how to keep a reader hooked!

Chapter three is where we find out about Edward, and that he's the mysterious man in bed, his roommate Peter (his accomplice!!!) - their personalities and backstories come to life through their dialogue and interaction. Same goes for Sean, Joan and family and their medical problems, life troubles. Here's where the real story starts to come to life. Now I'm hooked and cannot put the book down. You've done a great job opening this story. I'm only sorry the whole thing isn't uploaded as I'm intrigued where this is going - not just because you wrote the opening so well, but because I find the premise fascinating. Great job with this - I'm happy to back it!

Kim
Invisible Justice

A good storyline and pace is maintained well throughout the first three chapters. I do agree with the comment on the long opening. The characteristion is strong and the dialogue good.
Well done, i wish you all the best with it
Backed
Chris (inside out)

John, 1st paragraph of C-3 has a very long sentence I would adjust; "Rubbing his eyes he pulled on..." Other than that I found Collision an absorbing read. Sense of place in the church is so well done. Your character development is flawless. The continuity of events is super smooth. Hopefully you're working on finishing it. Shelved it. . Thomas J Winton (Beyond Nostalgia)

This is a very interesting book, full of insight and depth. The characters are explored carefully, and we learn more and more about Joan, Edward and the others as chapter follows chapter. A fascinating subject, treated in an original way, the story develops at its own pace, drawing us with it. I'm enjoying this. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Love books that start off with a bang - no pun intended. Great characters, great and believable dalogue. Great concept, and nothing succeeds like demons in the plot. I agree with an earlier reader that you throw out those hooks regularly to keep the interest moving.
You seem to be going up the rnakings like a sky rocket, so whatever you've done is obviously right.

Haven't finished it, so shelved.

Nicholas ("The Warlock") A different kind of horror. Read it if you have time.

I like the irony of Sean worrying about Joan going to church rather than doing the same stuff as other girls her age. The writing is professional - I didn't notice any mistakes - obviously you know your subject, and it shows. Your characters are realistic and the dialogue is, too. Backed.

The pitch does sell me, so awesome. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

John, you make commonplace things like sexual attraction and sex itself new. With many writers you'd skim over these passages because they'd be cliched and boring. We know from your writing you're not winging it - you're describing truthfully what you've imagined and thought and felt and doing it brilliantly. Shelved. Lynn

This is an interesting book. I read at least 3 chapters and found it beautifully and professionally written. Backed with pleasure. Best, Sana

I'm upto chapter 4 and still really enjoying this. Very readable a great opener which lightens up what could be an oppressive start to the story, which could scare of some people off, so well done. As it is, I find myself wanting to know more. Backed.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

John

Opening

'typo' ...... possession is (a )but figment.......

Chapter One

Paragraph one, I thought,,,,,yeeessss......Paragraph two, I thought, what the hells going on here. ??

Let me get this right.....

She is having the ride of her life, straddling a guy, putting everything she's got into it so that her spine arches and her breasts rise. Her thighs grip him like the teeth of a trap, and sweat trickles down the sloping curve of her neck.....She's lost is self abandonment , has shamlessly disreguarded any inhabitions she had.....Let's throw in,,,,,,this is the third time they've made love, (why not) ...... ......And she starts reflecting on where they met , and thinking about her friends.....For 2 whole chapters no less.......

Now, it is possible for a woman's mind to wander, and I mean, to the extent that you could for instance literally run a mental check on your Christmas shopping list, when the guy is on top ....and not doing a good job.....But it is highly unlikely, that she would feel the inclination to think about anything other than the job in hand if she were the one doing all the work...

In my view you should make the most of the love scene, and have her reflect when your man is snoring.....You may also have then laying arms entwined,,,sounds nice...

Best of luck....Let me know if I've helped.

You base the book on the very interesting, if outdated premise, that mental illness, in the case of your MC, might be demonic possession, rather than a medical condition. I think you will encounter a lot more scepticism in this day and age than you would had the novel been written a hundred years ago, but the fact remains that the majority of people in the world cling to superstition in the form of religion, and mosts want to believe in a spiritual world, despite the absense of evidence. So I think the premise will work for many, and the quality of your writing is certainly of a high standard, so I'm happy to back you. Best wishes, Tony

Hello John.. I certainly back this. Just to say I enjoyed reading the extract from
Collision. I found it all totally believable and enthralling and admire
how you have crafted it into a novel.
best of luck with the next!...............mikey The Free

This is excellent.
No nit-picks - a professional piece of writing on an interesting subject.

I like the pitch, the writing, the dialogue, the ruminations in the MC's head.

In short - terrific.

Recommend this to anyone.

I liked the opening premise. Demon books are cool and allow great room for the imagination to explore. I don't mind the odd sex scene but the first one kind of takes centre stage a little too much for me.