Finn's Destiny; The Hand of Fate

Nice start to the tale, good narrative holds this up well. Nice back story runing through it.
Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley

Dear Stephen
What a good book. I started reading this some time ago and just wanted to let you know, now finished. I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise

Dear Stephen, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
Here is the response I received from authonomy concerning backing:
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved."

Dear Stephen, I love that I can identify with Finn, because I am homebound - there is no hope - it is a terrible feeling - escape into fantasy land - maybe that'll help if there's no evil forces, that is. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

Thanks very very much for the encouraging comments.... I read the TC books when they originally came out and can only remember being infuriated by him...

Hi Stephen

Many thanks for backing Darkened Voices and many apologies for the time taken to get back to you.

I have read through the first three chapters of Finn's Destiny and am impressed with what I have found. There are echoes of The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant and of Avatar here. It is a brave and welcome move to have a disabled MC, but I must say that I thought Finn's wonder at the restoration of his body faded a little quickly to be oversome by wonder at the new world he finds himself in. Maybe that's to be expected after all - Thomas Covenant behaved in the opposite but his refusal to accept his situation was central to his story. Nevertheless, your style and the pacing of your story seems to match the subtlety of your premise, whilst being wholly appropriate for its intended YA audience. I would say there is huge promise in your work, as shown by the ambition of your long pitch. It's nice that the fantasy genre is used to develop strong themes like this.

There are better reviewers than me who might do this book more justice: perhaps you should get in touch with some of the participants in this thread if you haven't already done so: http://www.authonomy.com/Forum/posts_new.aspx?threadId=56274.

I have backed Finn's Destiny gladly.

Cheers
TRM

Hi Stephen

Many thanks for backing Darkened Voices and many apologies for the time taken to get back to you.

I have read through the first three chapters of Finn's Destiny and am impressed with what I have found. There are echoes of The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant and of Avatar here. It is a brave and welcome move to have a disabled MC, but I must say that I thought Finn's wonder at the restoration of his body faded a little quickly to be oversome by wonder at the new world he finds himself in. Maybe that's to be expected after all - Thomas Covenant behaved in the opposite but his refusal to accept his situation was central to his story. Nevertheless, your style and the pacing of your story seems to match the subtlety of your premise, whilst being wholly appropriate for its intended YA audience. I would say there is huge promise in your work, as shown by the ambition of your long pitch. It's nice that the fantasy genre is used to develop strong themes like this.

There are better reviewers than me who might do this book more justice: perhaps you should get in touch with some of the participants in this thread if you haven't already done so: http://www.authonomy.com/Forum/posts_new.aspx?threadId=56274.

I have backed Finn's Destiny gladly.

Cheers
TRM

This is an intriguing pitch and strange but interesting cover art. You have an excellent writing style. BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Your exploration of Finn, his thoughts and his inner angst right at the beginning of your story sets the tone for the balance of your fictional fantasy perfectly. Your character development of Finn and Dara is excellent and your descriptive writing style makes your novel a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans:
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

You paint a great portrait of Finn and let the reader know of his circumstances and mindset with skill. Happy to back this for you.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

Very well written and in a way that is hard to tear away from the lines. Very good input of emotions and hidden pain and blame and all the things that life sometimes sadly dishes out for so many good persons. But the start up is super and fans will look forward to more of the young man;s life.

Very happy to back and enjoyable read

An interesting story with stark contrasts in characters. It certainly has potential, just needs tidying up a little. Best wishes - Paula (Cuthbert: How Mean is my Valley?)

This really is very good, but one thing that stood at to me is the extreme use of adverbs throughout. I'm not AGAINST adverbs, but try reading this out loud. For one, many of them could be cut without meaning being lost. In other parts, I feel like I'm missing out on the experience because the adverbs are very "telling" where you could show me more. And finally, having 2-3 adverbs in one sentence an 5+ in a paragraph makes it kind of like a tongue twister to read.

Great content, not you just have give it a little elbow grease and polish! Backed :)
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Stephen,

This is wonderful, with a huge amount of appeal. Both Finn and Dara are appealing and brilliant characters, and I was hooked into reading more and more.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx
Relic

Finn’s Destiny

I think this has immense appeal. I think how you have structured this and the achievements of you main character have a lot to say.
This is a well-told story and I wish you all the luck with it!

i feel that the bad punctuation diallows the expression great writing as was expressed in the previous comment. I am not one for excessive comment or fawning. The story is, the grammar is bad..
I hope you can see your way to edit this.
Inspite of that major flaw, I still add it to my bookshelf on the basis of the story.

Great writing and a good story. Your font was a little small for me, and I thought you used commas in places where they should not have been. That is a minor criticism, but if you want your creation perfect, maybe you could look again at your use of commas. Backed.

Finn is an interesting character: a boy in a wheelchair. At first, I wished he didn’t regain his ability to walk once he enters the strange new world – would solve whatever problems need solved to show that even handicapped children can achieve – but after reading this I changed my mind. It still says the same thing: handicapped children are fun to be with and would be good to have as a friend – it just says it in a more subtle way. A good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Fun read, and you are right; for YA as well as adult. You have a captivating style. Backed.

Aw, I want to give Finn a hug! You've created a very sympathetic character yet balanced him nicely -- he is not overdrawn. It's an intriguing concept, and quite imaginative, to land him in another world and to give him his legs back. Nice twist on the traditional concept of superpower!

Love the ending to Ch. 1, too.

Dana L.
The Book of Lucas

Stephen,

Finn's Destiny: The Hands of Fate
I may have backed this a while ago. Will check if I commented tomorrow.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

This is a terrific read. Finn's plight is touching and very human. His bitterness and anger at being wheelchair bound is easy to understand and we are placed firmly on his side from the first chapter. Then his world changes and, again, we are drawn in , sharing in his delight but also worrying about how he will cope if he reverts to his inactive self.
The plot races along and the writing is superb.
Already backed, with pleasure. May this sail to the bookshops.
Anna (Black Damask)

Stephen,
I like the way you develop the plot, and it's easy to get into. Finn's bitterness at the accident and how it leaves him with Dara is well covered - I can feel the pain myself. I'm more than happy to back your work.
Mark (Stand up and live)

Hi Stephen,
Got into this quickly and it's well written. Also nice hook at the end of Chpt1 which wants you to read further. Can't find any constructive criticism except to say the font was a little small for me to read on screen, not sure if any other readers had this comment? Backed for now, Ta - Karen

What a talent you have..It was imposable not to jump into the story.... I was touched by Finns story and I jumped right into it as He discovered this new world... I love it the most when books start out with a quick to the story line plot. Instead of wasting chapters of details before they start catching your interest. Finn is a loveable character and within moments of reading about him I got a sense that I could relate, got a deep sense of sadness and loathing when he felt it, and shock and confusion when it was buzzing through his mind. Felt his torn admiration hanging in jealousy for his big brother...As well as a great sense of happiness when he discovered he had somehow left behind his injured form behind and was his old self again. I would definately choose a book like this..

Well written with a clever perspective.
Shelved.

Dan-
Eunice Stubbins, among others...

Well written. I love the story. Back with enthusiasm.

I like to comment as I read, just my thoughts as if I was in a book shop. I don’t crit grammar or anything like that much. I have been doing it this way for a while and it seems to work OK and it’s fun.


Super cover and good long and short pitches.

Immediately we are aware of the pain and anger felt by Finn and wonder how he had become unable to walk and we understand his bitterness and feel for him. A teenager just at the point when it should all be life and fun missing out and in a way that can’t be changed. Very poignant. Well drawn believable characters and realistic emotions.


Excellent handling of the runaway wheelchair and then suddenly there we are in the forest. Good hook encourages one to read on. Would like to read more but my connection is so bad that I am restricted time wise. However, this is great – like it a lot – backing and wishing you the very best of luck with it. – Diane

Finn's Destiny: The Hand of Fate -

Finn's 'hating his brother, and hating himself for hating him' carries the moving undercurrent to this character; in that, Finn's being wheechair bound can mean that even sibling affection , normally taken for granted, can come into question.
So I empathised with Quinn from the start.Then there is Finn's sense of guilt that his younger brother has to effectively act as babysitter for him, while Finn is wheelchair bound. In the first chapter you build Finn and Dara into realistic, consistent and sympathetic characters, providing what you mention in your synopsis as an aspect of the novel dealing with 'personal character'. Some would call this strength of character or moral fibre when the weak are pitched against the tyrannical to nevertheless succeed in liberating the oppressed.
I can see how all these themes will build to a climax in this book and I want to read on. Backed
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

This is a very interesting concept. I don't know how it ends--but my concern would be how you bring conclusion without belittling the thought of being in a wheelchair for life. I think that this is a great YA!
Barbara
The Sea Pillow

As long as this doesn't turn out to be just a dream, I like this. The interaction between Dara and Finn is fun. I was starting to get annoyed that Dara was explaining all these things to Finn as though it were normal for him to not remember anything, and then you explained that it is normal, so that worked. The setting is good too: on the surface heavenly, but with sinister parts too, like the Heart of Darkness and a Guardian that can listen in on you, and the over-decorated houses nearer the Castle.

The prologue mostly feels right. But I wondered why his wheelchair didn't have breaks or why he wasn't using them. If he's been in it for three years, it should be like a part of him. And unless there's something wrong with his hands (which there might be, since his injuries were so extensive) he should have pretty impressive callouses and not have too much trouble getting it to stop. The times I've been in a wheelchair, it's been mercifully brief, so I can't say "You have it wrong." All I can say is that it doesn't feel right to me.

Stephen,

You had me at "sleight of foot." The line aptly captures the physical magic of the skilled athlete and contrasts strongly with Finn's physical losses. His bitterness feels real, as well as the way he both loves and resents his brother. The runaway wheelchair scene is harrowing, and then he finds himself . . . elsewhere. Which world is real and which the dream or whatever? Nice. He is entirely whole in this new place, but I gather it's not going to stay heavenly long. And is he going to get to stay there, or will he unexpectedly get sent back the next time he hits his head? An intriguing adventure I am happy to back.

Just a couple of tiny nitpicks:

Ch 1

The sentence that begins "Dara soon appeared in the distance . . ." is followed immediately by "He soon appeared . . ." Think about rewording one of them to eliminate repetition and the sense that he's appearing twice.

Ch 2

"Something's happened. "Finn said, "and I don't know where I am. . ." Replace the comma after happened with a period and delete the space before the close quote, inserting it before Finn.

Ch 3

" . . . The Heart of Darkness." Dara informed him. Replace the period after Darkness with a comma.

Good luck with this!

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

This battle night guy is an "asshole" and has no purpose it would seem other than to drag people to his book about an unlikely bunch of individuals who have all got "holes" in their name.

Pity though because leaving a commet like this on your book, reflects a flawed understanding of what you are trying to do.

He never actually read any of your workI guaranteed!

I agree with the comments below - Young adult !

Same old theme, better told by others.
BK

Got a real insight into both Finn and Dara in the first couple of very interesting chapters.
I'd add Young Adult to the tags, as it has that feel. Great stuff!
Cheers,
Simon

This is lovely and would appeal to YAs, I'm sure (add YA as a tag?). I like the idea that Finn hates his brother at times for his mobility and he is often morose in his introspection; that rings true. The brothers are good, strong characters and the basis of the story is a very interesting one.

You do have rather a lot of -ly words and I think perhaps you may need to eliminate some of them: I was told on here that they are not liked by publishers! The only main typo I spotted was 'thick as two short planks THOSE two'? Good luck with a promising story, shelved, Carolyn.

FINN'S DESTINY; THE HAND OF FATE, By Stephen P Burns

Stephen, First of all, I’m 749 years old... As you predicted in your alluring pitch, I like your writing. There’s something about a story that takes an every-day lad—down on his luck but still high in spirits—and throws him into a world of adventure. You’ve captured that feeling well with your tale of Finn.

You set a friendly pace with excellent description and natural dialog. The depth of your characterization is touching. As a reader I immediately bonded with Finn. Your writing style is smooth, bordering on literary—very readable to your targeted YA audience, though I feel it could be successfully marketed to adult readers as well. (After all, I’m 749 years old, remember?)

This is a exceptionally well crafted piece of work. Congratulations! Backed.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH

This is well written. I don't know why you're limiting it to young adults. Your writing transcends age. Hell, adults bought Harry Potter. And frankly, in the age of vowelless text messages and emails - there really isn't a wide line between generation x and y.

Open it up. This isn't my genre but I recognize someone who knows how to construct a sentence.

Mark R. Trost
"Post Marked."

This is a marvelous and fascinating story. After reading the first chapter I feel I must continue on to the next. Great writing and strong imagery for the reader. I have no problem backing this one.

This book has all the right ingredients that YA love - Adventure, mystery, bravery, heroism, fantasy, magic. This was also fast-paced which will appeal to the impatient youngsters. I loved the last paragraph in the 2nd chapter and could almost feel his exhilaration.
The only thing that I found a bit distracting was the font, maybe the size. I have good eyesight, but inspite of that I had to concentrate on the reading. Very minor.
Glad to back this.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

Though your writing is masterful from the onset and your storyline engages immediately, Finn isn't likable in the first chapter. He becomes more likable as the story progresses. Your wonderful descriptions bring your events and characters and settings to life. Your dialogue evokes your fantasy world and moves your story foreward. Your narrative is frequently thought-provoking. This is a fascinating, fast-paced fantasy. Backed.

Way too many adverbs. Other than that, a really nice story. You are a capable and descriptive writer. Your characters are dimensionally deep but you need to get rid of the adverbs and use more imagerial verbs instead.

Backed for the sake of all the other good things that stand out in this story and your writing. Lots of good growth messages here. Well done.



Loving regards, Callaghan

I put the adverbs to a slow painful death in chapter two!

Way too many adverbs. Other than that, a really nice story. You are a capable and descriptive writer. Your characters are dimensionally deep but you need to get rid of the adverbs and use more imagerial verbs instead.

Backed for the sake of all the other good things that stand out in this story and your writing. Lots of good growth messages here. Well done.

Loving regards, Callaghan

Thank you very much for your generous comments on my book A Crack in the Mirror. I sincerely appreciate them.

Sasha/Smurphgirl
A Crack in the Mirror

Hi Stepehen,
Quite simply, this is spot on. Excellent story and brilliantly written. Happy to place on my shelf.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

Stephen -

I am impressed by your powers of description, I could see the car accident and the flying luggage in slow motion. The castle is the same way, like you could reach out and touch the walls. While i enjoyed the first chapter very much, I wonder if a YA reader is going to wait so long for someone to like. Finn is relatively sullen, self-pitying and unlikeable in the first chapter . . . I wonder if they will stay for the bulk of the story that follows? Maybe make us root for him for a reason other than being in a wheelchair. Shelved.

Sessha

I was never terribly keen on this sort of fantasy, but you have done a fantastic job with this Stephen. It reminds me of other stories I have read years ago, but you make it so much more interesting. All the characters stand out on their own, the way you describe things and make it easy to follow the tale, will surely attract the audience you are aiming at. I wish you the best of luck. Backed.

Fromante. (Norman) The Witch of Hambone Bk.3. Also, Muddledydo.

Terrific premise for the YA market. The writing hits the mark.

bred flink

What great visuals! Loved the ending of chapter one... gave you that 'what the heck' moment and made me want to keep reading. I got an immediate picture of who these characters were and their close relationship. You have a strong story telling voice and the story starts fast and keeps going. Great read!

this story is full of life an energy, such a unique premise and skillfully crafted. well done.

sam
/forgive my format commenting from my kindle/

Stephen
Fantastic tale bourne out of disaster. Great that Finn is in a wheelchair - about time there were kids in fantasy the physically challenged could identify with. Well done. Backed. Rosali
Fieldtrip to Mars