My Last Notes

Brittany,
As someone who isn't particularly fond of vampire tales, My Last Notes caught me by surprise. It's a very suspenseful narrative. The prelude is chilling to the bone as stories told by blood thirsty monsters tend to be. When Selena is preparing for her high school graduation and a trip to New York, her feelings about her mother and life on the island of conveyed in vivid detail. I was shocked she wore those old jeans after her mother told her not to, but her rebelliousness doesn't begin to unravel until she starts her romance with Cedric. The romantic suspense woven into this story is very alluring. This is a fantastic tale which has elements which aren't intended to mirror reality, but Selena is drawn so realistically that the reader wants to believe she can fall in love with a vampire named Cedric who has charming human characteristics that make her romance with him a vicarious adventure despite the creepy elements of any good vampire tale. I'm pleased to back it again and find it remarkable that a vampire tale is one I have to pull myself away from as I want to read more.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

You pulled me in straight-away with the Prologue. Fascinating! Just when I'd thought vampires were overdone, I've been proven wrong! Thank goodness! :)
Write on! :)
D.C. Grace
The Sacred Oath

My second vampire story this week! And they are so different than each other. This is no twilight story--it has a full since of history and builds tension as we see the stages set for a truly epic war of clans. I really enjoyed the historci translated pieces and in fact could have read alot more of that. Very nicely done!

Brittany, First I must say you are a gifted talented writer...The emotions and story that jumped out of these pages enveloped me and swept me to another world. I am not one for Vampires at all, other then a soap opera called DARK SHADOWS (you are much to young to remember :) ) and a vampire named Barnabas, however, I am a hopeless romantic and I love a great love story and this is exactly that.

Your MC's are so developed we connected to all of them, no matter how small a part they played...Your descriptions so vivid there was no need for a good imagination.

I think this will do very well and I could easily see this climbing the charts quickly with good marketing because you've covered several genres here...Thank you so much for the invitation to read such an awesome work...Backed completely and confidently Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

A vampire story with BITE (no pun intended)! This isn't the usual run-of-the-mill book of the particular topic. Excellent plot, stylish writing, and an engaging read for those who don't read vampire books on a normal basis. Shelved with confidence.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

My last notes was well paced. Chapter 2/prologue- would a scientist from 1400's use the term "Ultraviolet Light"?Ultraviolet light was not discovered until 1801.
The Tony character very interesting/mysterious-his character stands out more than any. In chapter nineteen I thought the fight scene was well done- these seem to be hard for writers to pull off well.


Editorial issues- chapter 8 "...was being used by someone who felt the need to bath (bathe?) there." and 15/Chapter 13 -"My mom always said it but it was in the annoying don't be mad at me words." (awkward sentence) and 18/chapter 15- "Please, go now!" he said as he through (threw?) the beast back out..." and 19/chapter 16 "With m (my?) eyes still closed, I jumped from the fourth floor in desperation,..." 21/Chapter 18- "I held the gun at eye level, rather than using on the ground. (something missing?)"

i looked at the first three chapters and it was enjoyable. i like how almost instantly i know what your main character is like. i especially like the way you describe her mom- its funny how she has to tolerate her and i like that little side note. your dialogue is refreshing and natural. i love that its not forced. youve got a nice balance between description and dialogue and i didnt even find myself rushing to get through this. im going to back this when possible and read more as well.
good luck with this,
melissa :)
Gut Instincts

I'm really over vampires but a book with this many positive comments deserves a second look!

Hey Brittany,
I read the first four chapters to get a feel for your novel. I must say it wasnt' what I expected. I enjoyed it though.
I loved the opening being many centuries before. This adds a depth and historical significance for whats to come.
I can empathise with the character leaving a small community to join a much larger one on the trek to discover what life is all about. I think you have captured her excitement and reservation perfectly. I must say I felt a little sorry for the mum, that must be a tough deal, being left behind, particualry in such isolating circumstances.
I think chapter four was my favourite, I really started to get into the story and characters by then. I like the last line in chapter four, brilliant imagery.

There were a couple of edits I noticed and have included for you. Merely suggestions, so take them as you will...
Mostly I think the writing worked well.
Cheers for the read, watchlisted,
Jacoba

Chapter one

In this paragraph too many 'easily'words used.

Perhaps
It would be easy. I could kill Bellamy with my own hands, ultimately destroying Leon. Her death would bring him to me so I could finally kill him.

And so, ( had as so)


Chapter two

I would take out a few adverbs from here, like specifically, terribly, literally.
Then see how it reads.

I have found a way to transfer this power without killing someone (take out 'on')

If I can just leave a small portion of blood, as difficult as that sounds, they will become like me.

Chapter three

I didn't really hate my mother. I could only stand her for so long. We were just so different, we clashed. I was more laid back like my dad, or what I remember of him, mum was old fashioned and a stickler for the rules. (Just a suggestion for how you might reword)

Chapter four

I woke up glancing at my clock, realizing I might be a little homesick after being gone a while.

Brittany,
As someone who isn't particularly fond of vampire tales, My Last Notes caught me by surprise. It's a very suspenseful narrative. The prelude is chilling to the bone as stories told by blood thirsty monsters tend to be. When Selena is preparing for her high school graduation and a trip to New York, her feelings about her mother and life on the island of conveyed in vivid detail. I was shocked she wore those old jeans after her mother told her not to, but her rebelliousness doesn't begin to unravel until she starts her romance with Cedric. The romantic suspense woven into this story is very alluring. This is a fantastic tale which has elements which aren't intended to mirror reality, but Selena is drawn so realistically that the reader wants to believe she can fall in love with a vampire named Cedric who has charming human characteristics that make her romance with him a vicarious adventure despite the creepy elements of any good vampire tale. I'm pleased to back it again and find it remarkable that a vampire tale is one I have to pull myself away from as I want to read more.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

I enjoyed your historic prelude, the way you then flip to the present day is a lovely contrast. So far I have only read the first couple of chapters but I like your writing style and I look forward to an intriguing story to come. I will back it as soon as I have shelf space.
Jen

Verado

a brilliant story, written very well with style and flow...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Brittany,

I like the beginning of your story! It is a bit confusing but I think that adds to the mystery behind it! You write very well and though vampire love isn't my favorite a good love story I can always use! Best of luck, I'll be back to read more!

Sara
In the Depths of Shadows

Wow! I did so love your prologue and the emotions of that poor turned vampire. Very interesting!

And your first chapter didn't disappoint, either. Very clear voice and writing style, everything flowed so well. :) I'll be back to read more!

MY LAST NOTES

This manuscript has depth to it. It is well crafted and well told.
You do the genre proud.
I am pleased to sprinkle stars on it and have it on my shelf.
Well done girl.
A zoomer

Brittany, I love your writing! I love the way you wind your words, and how you've made the first part a diary.. It's a totally new idea and I love it!
I've backed your book, and I'm sure once it reaches the editor's desk, there'll be no going back! Good luck!

I looove this story. I'm a huge vampire romance fan, especially this one because it's not like the others. The happy ending isn't what I expected and I loved it! I liked Selena a lot. She's like a real person, her conversations and her actions. You're a really creative writer. Good job and good luck getting to the editor's desk :)

I'm in 20, which is your 18. Here are my notes:

The first paragraph gives me the sense that we're about to hit the climax--retribution. Short, easy sentences are ideal for your YA audience

murder--yikes! tension is up now

You captured my sympathy for the murderer-to-be. Normal kid

bags of blood! I'm assuming we have a vampire here

I have some thoughts about the weapons I'll leave in your messages

Good tension as she goes in for the kill

the attack could happen slower, keep the tension, build so when we meet Craus we're on the edge of our seats

Sex is a reality. It cannot be ruled out. But it should be barred from unneeded persons. This novel is keeping these things as a symbol. This novel carries a real life. Love and its downfall are attracting every one. These two things are its special features.

Regards

Joy J Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

Brittany is a strong writer with great imaginative skills. I found the first two chapters written in a historical style that would have led me to believe the story was published. My only concern with the opening is that a contemporary YA reader--those reading Twilight Series, for instance--might not quickly embrace the 600+ year old narrative at the beginning. Chapter 3, which takes place in the modern world, flows well and feels more like something a YA will really bite into (hahaha). I'm not sure anything should be changed, though - but some authors will put backstory in later and keep the beginning for the true opening of what will be the main plot.
The talent of the author is admirable, and I'm sure she can build a strong fan base for this story.
Brava,
Lizzi
(Out of Sync)
Lizzi

Brittany,
I love this romantic vampire tale you have crafted with so many twists and turns to the plot. Backed.

I've read your opening chapters in the first person. The diary entries are of course a clever way for the narrator to relate details to the reader. This narrative device then expands into further chapters where the reader 'hears' the interior monologue of your MC. This was a nice touch. I jumped to your final chapter 22 and was surprised to see you changed to third person omniscient. But as I read on I realised there was no more space for the first person as they were dead. Well done. I'm not into vampire novels, but I enjoyed reading what I did of yours. I particularly like your ideas on structuring your novel in this way - it makes for more powerful emotive reading. Q

Selena Houston graduates from school and decides to leave Tangier Island forever. The small fishing and tourist industry of the Island can't provide the interest and excitment that Selene craves. She has her sights set on the city, and with her friends in tow, the youth of tangier invade New York. Unfortunently the vampire covens have made the city their haven, and the future may become the past, if Selena can't resist the temptations of one.
Impressive and very readable, with good pace, nothing seems to thwart the insatiable curiosity of the young adolescent as she takes her big steps from the small town to the big city. There is only a small minor typo in chapter four ' the desks lining the walls were a prefect finished oak colour (Perfect) Perfect is indeed the description of 'The Last Notes' great writing in my opinion.
Backed with pleasure
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Hi,

Is there a word missing in the first sentence? 'that there was only (one/a) real way to beat my enemy' no-one else has mentioned this but it doesn't read right to me?!

Other than that i really enjoyed what i read. Backed, good luck!

My kind of read for sure. Kept me on my toes and interested...curious... satisfied, leaving me wanting more or in this care wanting to read more. Love the choice of character names too...
Backed with pleasure, cannot wait to read more.

green h - through green's eyes

I like the history that sets the scene for the tale you unfold. As we slip from ancient times to modern. Selena paints a picture of a small fishing community and a youth that does not waste its time and money consuming vast amounts of booze and fast living. The worrying thing is, with having lived such a quiet life how will she cope with the seduction of New York?
As I leave her at the kitchen table convincing her mother that she will be OK we have a blank page to move to in Chapter 4 and what you have set up for her. I’m not a fantasy reader that’s why I have stopped here. I can see that you are a very adept writer good at characterisation and setting the scene. Your first two chapters are written in such a different manner that you show your diversity as a writer. I congratulate you on doing a very good job.
Wilma1

Knowing Liam Riley – please take a moment to take a look.

While I'm finding this story to be very fascinating and interesting, I'm also finding that there's too much narration here (I read up to chapter five, which by the way is marked as chapter three) So, if you're to rework all the narration into scenes with action and get to the core of your book fast it would draw the reader more in. Give it more dialogue, more hints and more showing. When you narrate you tend to switch from action to telling and that is where the story gets bogged down. The incerpts from the diary are fine but I'd keep that to a minimum and maybe introduce them later because it didn't come across as they set the story in motion. Up until chap five I didn't see any connection to them. You have a way of writing and I'm sure it is going to be a page turning story once you add more relevant action. BACKED

My Last Notes

Brittany Engstrand

Not my genre of preference but I think your target audience mind find this interesting. You ask some interesting questions, including - will love prevail over all, even after death? Something I've always wondered. This is insightful I think depsite the fact that I'm not thrilled about vampire tales. Good luck with it.

Brittany, your first chapter shows creative use of your writing imagination. Nothing to nitpick in that section. Good job.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Dear Brittany,
Love your cover! (Bradley did mine too, he is so talented.) I like the romance you bring to your theme. There are a lot of vampire books on this site, but the truth is, vampires are selling like hotcakes! So I wish you all the best in getting this published. Your book is unique and interesting.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Please excuse the following message if I’ve already sent it to you. Sometimes I get confused! Thanks.

Here is your chance to get a double backing. My friend, homewriter, and I have similar taste in writing and trust each other's judgment. Back my book and leave it on your bookshelf. Then do the same for his, "The Harpist of Madrid." Once the backings register, he will give you a return backing guaranteed. Just let him know in an email that you've backed my book as well as his. You might have to be a bit patient as we're 6 time zones apart. But you'll have two backings guaranteed on your excellent book. Of course, comments are always welcome too!

Brilliant work..... I don't feel I can add anything further than all the wonderful comments you have received already Brittany, I commend you on your work and wish you much success.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Brittany, saw you on Abs thread and thought I'd take a look. I feel like I've read this before, but can't find it on my list: I'll give it a spin on my shelf just in case. It's a solid example of popular genre. Good luck with it.

My second vampire story this week! And they are so different than each other. This is no twilight story--it has a full since of history and builds tension as we see the stages set for a truly epic war of clans. I really enjoyed the historci translated pieces and in fact could have read alot more of that. Very nicely done!

Dear Brittany
I just love this book cover it reminds me of years ago. your long pitch reflects your book so well and it markets well. however i have already backed your book before but i cannot find the backing. I will back it again because it is WORTH IT, if you have already backed my book thank you so much, if not would you find the time, if not that is OK also
the VERY best of luck
Denise
The Letter

I browsed through your book and I got a feeling. I’ll back it and come back for more reading and commentary. Please be patient as there are 27 on my list.
If you don’t hear from me in a few days, and want my view of your word, please remind me.
Thanks for understanding.
Dan

Hi Brittany

I like your depiction of life for teenagers on Tangier Island and of the relationship between Selena and her mother, which rings true. I wonder if you might not save all the back story about Leon and Dominus for a later part of the book, when we are already familiar with Cedric and Selena and find them so interesting that we are dying to know more about them (a bit like the way Tolkien published Lord of the Rings first, leaving the Silmarillion for the true obsessives). There are also some small punctuation issues that need to be sorted out for an easier read and minor errors eg "more so peace of mind knowing she might not go crazy" - should that be "more for peace of mind" etc?

Otherwise I think you have a good premise and a well-thought out world for your book. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Hi. I really enjoyed this. Immediate, involving and with a likeable character as MC. I have only one comment that may not be seen as wholly positive, but it's only a personal point. I wasn't sure about the prologue. It dragged a little for me. Perhaps because it was all 'tell' I don't know. I went to chapter 1 and thought - ah, this should be the beginning. It's straight in to happening, and the character's mind. Maybe the prologue could be shorter, or come later?

As I say, that's just a personal viewpoint, it may only be me. Otherwise a great read, and backed.

Lots of vampires about, hard to bring something fresh to it, but I think you've managed it here. Off to bed but watchlisted you to enjoy further tomorrow.
Polly
STONES

Beautiful, elegant and heartfelt story. This book certainly stands in its genre, and I'll be looking for it in the bookstores soon.

You have exceptional storytelling skills and you are a superb writer!

Backed with true pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

I loved your first chapter and the type of prose you used to relay the history behind the story. I just found it so evocative, such a strong, story-telling style, that I have to say I was a bit disappointed when the prose went into a more modern style in the second chapter. I don't know if it was because of this or not, but I felt that the first person POV didn't work at times. I think it's a tough thing to pull off anyway...again, not sure why--maybe because we're all used to reading third person or maybe because first person implies an urgency that's sometimes hard to sustain. At the points where I felt the narrative was maybe just too chatty, it felt awkward: "I was a little surprised how well she was taking all this, or at least how well she was trying to make it look." These types of asides, for me, slow the pace and really don't add much. At other times, your prose is gripping: "The last picture memory I would have of Tangier Island would be watching the sand disappear as the sunrise swallowed it." So it's a mixed bag for me but obviously you're a writer with promise. I'd recommend that you really embrace the editing process--get a couple of books on it maybe--and I think you can turn this into something very strong. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Fab Brittany, very now. backed by Brammers, The Kingdom Within.

Dear Brittany, I love that there are really not vampires - it seems so scarey - the romance part is good, though. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

Not my usual cup of tea, but i liked the pitch and decided to read. I'm glad I did. Your writing is well polished, with a highly descriptive style. It reads very well indead.

Backed
Clair

I really liked your use of the first person narrative and that coupled with your highly descriptive writing style ensures that your finely crafted story will definitely appeal to the YA audience, Your work is well written, well paced and your character development of Selena and Cedric is excellent. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Dear Brittany,

I don't like vampire stories all that much, but I think I can make an exception with your book. Something about your choice of words made it easy to visualize the scene, and keeping me interested and engrossed in the story. Good job, I'll support you all the way. :)

Your vivid imagination coupled with your highly descriptive writing style ensures that your finely crafted fantasy will definitely appeal to the YA audience. I really like your creation of Tobias as the narrator of your story. Your work is well paced and well written. Your use of imagery is excellent and your character development is solid. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Dear Brittany --

Thanks for the warning that you're in the midst of an edit; I will confine my comments to the general rather than the specific. Selena is a great YA hero, one with whom your readers will readily identify. Finding a new angle on a vampire story can be tricky, but your plotline sidesteps the usual and manages a freshness that was as delightful as it was unexpected.

Very happy to back you, and good luck with the edit! -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

18 May 2010
I scanned the pitch and the name Cedric Bolivar caught my eye - and held it. If you are in the position of creator or writer and have to come up with a name for a vampire all the best ones are already taken - Count Dracula, Vlad the Impaler, Vlad Tepes, Prince of Wallachia . Leslie Nielsen - or are they? Cedric Bolivar has a ring to it, and if anything relating to vampires can be credible, or fitting, then Cedric has it hands down. And the facts, and folklore, that abound in My Last Notes are mind boggling. For aficionados and those who are only mildly enthusiastic about vampires this is genuinely a cracking tale. From a purely literary POV the prose is competent and eminently readable, the pace does not meander and the plot is robust. I enjoyed this immensely. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

Hi Brittany,
Exciting read right from the start. This is a new concept too which is always nice to run into. :) Vampire babies!
Has a good gripping beginning that makes you wish it was on paper to read! Vampire human love triangle and the underworld politics of their species...what more could we want?
Good luck,
Peri Cevic

My Last Notes - a thoroughly engaging read, right from the prologue.. Selena is very well drawn and breathes off the page.. it was easy to become quickly involved in Selena as a character, which is a sign of good writing.. I wanted to read to find out what happens next - bravo! Backed and best wishes
Diane
Good Blood

This is a good read certainly. Seeing it was another vampire book, I groaned and settled down to struggle but it is surprisingly infectious. I like the way you build up Selena and her island home, the community, her difficulties with her mother, her desire to escape. All very recognisable, teenage and engaging.
I have to say that I didn't buy Tony at all. If he is so on the outskirts of the groups and barely speaks how come he gets invited to New York? Also if Selena has spent 9 years apparently not even knowing his name and totally ignoring him why does she all of a sudden develop this fascination with him? That didn't really ring true for me
But like I said, an engaging read so backed.

I had a glimpse at this book before. But I'd like to support your obviously great talent again.
Very best wishes,
M
- Weekend Chimney Sweep
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

I wasn't really sure how lycans and werewolves were different. I know you say lycans are more evolved, but I'm not sure how you meant it. Felt like it could do with clarifying (although it might just be me being dense).

The eldest of the lycans...'
The line that starts as above felt very convoluted and unclear. '...and only unaffected by sunlight in the Vampire Coven' made it sound like when he wa sin the coven, then he was unaffected by sunlight. You don't have to describe her as the Roman (capital r missing) goddess Venus as there is only ine Venus and she's by definition Roman.

At the end of the prologue my feeling was that war between Vampires and werewolves has been done and so I'm wondering what's new about your story.

Once the book starts proper the pace and quality of the writing both take a jump forward (imo). It reads a lot better and the narrator is engaging and I was drawn in. I'm not sure why the prologue felt so diffrent (mayeb it;s just me?) but it did.

Anyway, good stuff once it gets going. Backed.

Although I'm not really into this stuff, this is good reading and good writing. It flows well and the characters are lively and lovable.

all the best
sue
Fate's Chastening

You've got a nice premise here and a nice writing style. The one critique I would offer is watch out for how the word "I" dominates -- it's difficult to write around that in first-person POV, but it can be done, and cuts out a lot of repetition not only of the word but also sentence structure. Anyway, that's a detail, and your narrative and ideas are worthy of backing, so I will.
CraigD
The Job