The Alchemists' Cookbook

The Alchemists' Cookbook grabbed me from the first few sentences and never let go. Thanks for a great story. Backed! Hey, sorry it took a really really long embarrassing time to return the read. Stuff took me away from this site too long. Thanks for the great comment (that you left a year ago!). Hope to see your book climbing higher.
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

What I've read so far, Excellent and engaging! the first chapter sucked me in wanting more. Well done! I hope it goes far.
Michelle

What 've read so far, Excellent and engaging! the first chapter sucked me in wanting more. Well done! I hope it goes far.
Michelle

The Alchemist Cookbook
Fiction.

Interesting title. My son has found another book of the same name with a varity of explosives and such. Non fiction.

Anyway, this premise is fantastic! Children discover an ancient book of secrets and it leads to a pot of trouble.

Plot- it's off and running right from the start.

POV - 3rd person. multiple

Mechanics: I didn't notice any issues.

Market: this book should fly off the shelves!

Overall, a great read.
Raechel
Echo

Hi

I have read the first 3 chapters and this is my review. Please note that this is purely my opinion and may be used or discarded at will.

Chapter 1: Fabulous. It is well paced in tone, has a clear definition of each character and their intent. I like the way you have brought in the thieves fear of magic and supersition. One thing, however, where are they? I know that they are in the desert but which one? Might want to consider starting with 'The burning Egyptian sands' just to give a better idea of where we are. I also felt that they found the altar a little too quickly. Maybe give us a bit more action in them getting to the altar room. This is just a suggestion. A part from that a brilliant start to the book and a great cliff hanger ending.

Chapter 2: Again, a fabulous introduction to the character of Lucy. I can just imagine her standing on the boat and I love the description of the scene unfolding before her. You really put the reader in the frame. A few nitpicks, I think you have used the sentence 'It was her responsibilty' too often and it detracts from the final statement. Using it once will make a greater impact. I like her indecision in how to help the running man. I also feel you have not endeared us to the book. Why does it have such an impact on her? Why does she feel so protective over this book?

Chapter 3: wonderful. Full of life and you really get the sense of being a 14 year old girl. Issues I have
1: where are they? I know you say that she is home but where in England is that? Put us on the map.
2: This scene is a little too short for me. I'm not sure what you could add in there but it just seems to be a bit of a filler for me. You could even remove this scene altogether and simpy have the last section at the beginning of them meeting up. The only thing that held merit for me was the ending.
3: Tthe dialogue. I wasn't sure who had spoken the sentence 'It, it’s a book but not like any real book I’ve ever seen before.’. Just add, said Lucy, to the end and we're all sorted.
4: The book. Good description of the book but again we don't know what the effect on Lucy is. Maybe expand on her thoughts of the book, what it makes her feel, etc.

Plot – Good story line, flows well, good pace.

Pacing – good amount of pacing. Background info/action could be expanded upon in some chapters.

Characters/Characterization - good characterisation. Well defined, good voices.

Point of View/Voice - good choice of POV, well laid out, clear and easy to follow.

Style – This works overall.

Sentence level – The language is that needed in a YA book. There is some repetition in phrases.

Dialogue - simple, easy to follow and informative.

Originality - Not that original in story outline in the sense that a teenager gets something she shouldn't and is out of her depth. That said, it's a good take on an existing story structure

Publishability - Not yet but has potential. Once cleaned up and expanded upon has very chance to be published as it fits in with the current genre and would appeal to the YA group.

Overall sir, an excellent start to a wonderful story. As I have said there are a few nitpicks I have with your story but they are minor when you consider that coming up with a story is the hardest part. The rough diamond is in place, now all you need is the polish.

Well done and good luck
regards
JD

Abel,
Reading "The Alchemists' Cookbook" was like embarking on an adventure authored by the great Edgar Rice Burroughs. It had all the right elements: an engaging storyline, colorful characters and a fast pace. It was with trepidation that I followed Lucy from one challenge to the next, rooting for her, of course. Good YA fun. I'm giving it the stars it deserves.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The Nortth Korean

The first chapter is very compelling. This is definitely something my son would read. Backed and rated.

Cat
Twisted
Lies & Love

The alchemists' cookbook
Adventure, for YA, and I suppose for adults too it's enjoyable to read and I will give it a four star rating
Backed
Eveleen
- Turning a new leaf'
- Like a dot on the horzion

A very impressive and cleverly written story. The occult and ancient mysteries play a strong part in my story too, it's a fascinating subject and you've clearly done your homework! Good writing, great pace and a brilliant sense of danger. Excellent.

Backed with pleasure, best of luck.

Jack

I came back to rate you under the new star-system. Promote yourself on the threads and get new readers, the book has loads of potential. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Able, I am up to chapter 17 and I will be back for the rest. This is so imaginative and your research really comes through as you sweep us away to far away places and times.'Your descriptives are wonderful and truly bring this to life, but it is your MC's for me that make this such an easy and delightful read. Your group of children are so well rounded each bringing their individual personalities to the table. Their dialogue so natural and believable, we are as anxious and caught up as they are.
You have beautiful poetic lines thrown into the mix and I truly believe this will appeal to many...Backed with ease Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart and I star rated this with Pleasure

This is an engrossing read and I quickly settled into it. Much to enjoy here. :)

THE ALCHEMISTS' COOKBOOK
Dear Able,
I backed this book first time around and I have done so again as it truly is a good read. I won't repeat all I said (60 days ago), except just to endorse all I've already said. Reading through a second time I was again struck by your splendid imagination, and vivid scenes. I love books that contain assassins(!) and I wish you well with this. Good luck.
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

I loved your pitch and the first two chapters were excellently written. Good luck!

Hi. I liked your pitch, so I checked out the first few chapters. A quality read, well-structured. Backed.

J M Miller
Mindbender

Hi. I liked your pitch, so I checked out the first few chapters. A quality read, well-structured. Backed.

J M Miller
Mindbender

veryvivid imagery, I awas pulled into the book from the get-go. I loved the creative uses of magic, a shadow killing you and such. Very good book, I can't wait till I have more time so I can finish it!
j.b.wendel

hi able Kane,
I was hooked from the start with this mixture of 1001 nights and Hollywood blockbuster. Your writing is convincing and creates atmosphere with just a few brushstrokes. The plot sounds solid and holds sufficient contradictions to create a full-size story which keeps the reader's interest. Lucy is likeable and conscientious, which makes her the perfect main player in a complicated game. Already backed.

THE ALCHEMISTS' COOKBOOK- Abel Kane
hullo Abel. You e-mailed me yesterday to read your book and you caught me changing my shelf. I opened yours and could not stop reading. I enjoyed your book's approach to the youthful mind. I also thought that your descriptive scenes and charecters are great. I have never been to Egypt but I was almost standing on that balcony with Hussain; the smells,the sand, the heat. Very good. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that if you have.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

This book evokes shades of the Arabian Nights. I liked it. The structure is very good--the alternating scenes of comfortable old England, with Lucy and her mildly eccentric friends dipping into the mysteries of this spooky book, placed in opposition to the overwhelming array of powerful, nebulous and timeless villains sent by the competing factions of the Russian and the Magi. I especially liked Bash. I think this book is a great fit with your intended market. Backed.
Niobrara Kardnova (Family Irregulars)

Wonderful hook start, great action and a hint of mystery. Lucy and friends are great characters, and one really wants Hussain to get his come-uppance. Dialogue good, writing fluent, backed with ease Jaye

Abel great read, i hope you get this book published.Children and Adults will enjoy this book.I did and i am backing this book.Good luck Abel

My inner youngster loved this story and devoured it from the first word to the last. Just marvelous and great writing. Backed.

Great action! Fast paced and had me at chapter 2 before I knew it. I liked the comment about Indiana Jones, and when the robber cheered up because he realised he didn't have to pay the others. I have a 12 year that I think will love this. I will read your book to her and get back to you with more comments within a day or two. All the best, Marita.

Dear Abel Kane,

Hi, it's Billy. I would like to tell you how glad I am to have understood more by reading your book. I know that you are in safe hands when it comes to what others may say and I will join them in giving you my appreciation. I know its very nice to see life as a passanger when one is guided right. Coming upon this book makes me wonder what other things you will think about in your way. Thank you for your piece.

Bye for now,

Billy McBride

Good start to this, but the formatting in the first chapter on here was a little disconcerting. Better in later chapters. 'Have you never seen Indiana Jones?' LOL good first chapter.

Backed The Alchemist's Cookbook. Magic, secrets, and a deadly assassin are all the components of a gripping fantasy. Great beginning with the first chapter. The description of the temple and Hussein and his gang was very effective. Young adult readers will go for this face paced thriller filled with suspense. When you have time you might consider proofing one more time. Found a few minor punctuation errors such as;

His name was Hussein and he felt the reassurance of the gun nestle against his hip. Needs a comma- His name was Hussein, and he felt the reassurance of the gun nestle against his hip.

What they were attempting could be suicide but the Russian had paid them a lot of money……Needs a comma- What they were attempting could be suicide, but the Russian had paid them a lot of money……

Good luck!
CC Brown
Dark Side

I love the detail you have about Egypt - it makes the whole story much more engaging and exciting. The little details make it stand out from other books. You've also started with an exciting beginning, and Lucy is an intriguing, likable character. Backed and planning on reading more.
Forgive me for nitpicking...I'm good at it, and it will help make your work more polished. :)
Chapter one: capitalize 'mother' and 'father' - Lucy uses those as their names, so they should be shown as such. If she said 'her mother' or 'her father' then it wouldn't be capitalized, etc.
'I know dad' should be 'I know Dad' - and usually kids just stick with one thing to call their parents, unless they call them something else to be sarcastic :)
'spooky' should be capitalized.
'I believe so, teacher' - 'teacher' should be capitalized.
Also, the usual practice with italicizing is to not bold the word as well unless it's particularly emphasized - and that doesn't happen often. I see more all caps words than boldened words.
And unless you intend to point out specifically that Lucy is an over the top kind of scholar kid, I don't think she should be using words like 'preconceptions' in every day dialogue. 'quite fascinating' seemed to stretch it for me as well. I was a nerd at that age, (still am) and I may have known that kind of vocabulary, but I very rarely used it. I still talked differently, but not quite that much, and especially not with people my own age.
And your dialogue should be in " " not ' '.

Excellent basis, sound writing, however...keep the prologue short. I didn't read it, usually don't, they never add anything to a story. Also a little weak on believability as the brother actually believes his sister and even thinks the book is cool (you've gotta be kidding). More believable that he doesn't believe her, responds with a rude word or gesture, and she has to convince him to take a look at the book. And how does she know straight up it's a magic book? Better to put in a series of questions whilst she's examining it. Keep writing! A little more work can improve this.

Not half bad I must say. I like the idea very much. If you wish to add me to your bookshelf, I will be more than happy to return the favor!

I really enjoyed reading this book and with a little editing I believe you could have a YA hit on your hands. I hope to read a sequel about our friend Paul and his digital cookbook. All in all a very good story.

Tellis

A very enchanting tale for children

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

There were a few spots where more punctuation could have been used (in attempt to keep the story from running together). But reading the first chapter made me think of "The Mummy" meets "National Treasure". This is definitely an intriguing concept for history buffs, mystery and suspense lovers, and even those who love the world of fantasy. It's a great concept and I'll happily support you with a backing.

Natasha M
~SUPPORT **Dani the Earth Angel**

The Alchemist' Cookbook.
Have just read the first five chapters of your book and make the following comments.
Prologue: The writing here is very stiff conjuring up films 'The Mummy' and possibly 'Stargate'. Perhaps if other people make similar comments you should consider writing at more length as this is the hook to yank the reader in.
Chapters 1-5 - Dialogue involving the children does not always ring true and you appear to be much more comfortable with sections where Selim and the Magi appear, which are better written. Also there are quite a few typo and punctuation errors.
The plus side is, the story line is very good. Good enough to pull me through five chapters.
I wish you all the very best of luck. With a little more work I think your book will do very well.
Child - Atramentus Speaks

A great title that also provides a strong premise for the story. It has a brisk pace with a good narrative flow and a likeable MC. The writing style and storyline are a good match to the intended market (but it is a moot point as to how big that market is?).

I agree with other reviewers that there are loose words that could be removed and awkward phrasing here and there. I also agree with the comment about 'normal traps' - this struck me as an odd adjective to use in this context. The other thing I would say is that the third person POV often switches between the MC and the narrator within the same para and this tends to unsettle the reader from the story.

But lots to like and it is a great yarn! Backed.

Terry
Weekend in Weighton

Just an added note. I may have backed your book some time back, but hey, it deserves another shot. Eunice.

This is a great idea with a magicl twist. It is quite different to anything I have read before, and I enjoyed it very much. Egypt has always fascinated me, so the pitch had me hooked. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

The magical twist in the Alchemists Cookbook, is how the recipes adapt to the language and culture, of the particular chemists using it. Though the chemists are untrained and very young, they manage to work a spell and create, from tomato ketchup and soil from the back garden, a blood sucking vampire with a gentle streak. Little do the chemists realise, the book is stolen property, and is wanted back by the owners.
A philosophical message is being delivered, about a reliance on technology with regard cars and mobile phones, but everything has to be made from something, even if the ingredients and method, are not what anyone expects. Selim believes in the demise of technology and the return of the Gods.
Great story, the description of freezing Manchester is eclipsed by Egypts golden sand dunes, and flowing rivers, the power of the Magi, can Lucy and her friends stay safe
Backed with pleasure
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

I think this is a great start. I would have read this as a teenager. The Magi Temple and the deaths of the thieves were handled with the right contrast of description and shock value. And I didn't see much to critique. A missing quote mark in the chapter one if I was going to be nit-picky.

Wendy
-January Black

Hi Abel

I would have absolutely loved this when I was younger (I like it quite a lot now too).
Anything to do with magic, adventure and mystery, also the egyptian background would have had me and some of my friends hooked for life.
A pleasure to back.
Sarah. T-cup and the Dream Team Fairies

This is a great story. After the prologue, I was like, Oh Crap! They seen him! I'm not one to critique. I will leave that to the experts, but I wanted you to know that I have enjoyed what I've read so far and I am backing this story. Best wishes
~K. McCracken
What the Heart Wants

Abel,

Your book has an extremely interesting pitch. I have read your first chapter and it is easily read and a quality read too. I like the way that the main character comes into possession of the book and the fact that she brings it back and will be sharing it with her group of friends. It should be interesting to see how the people who are interested in getting the book back go about getting it back from her also.

The fact that you're involving a Russian is icing on the cake. All things Russian fascinate me. This is a highly enjoyable read and I will be back when I get the chance to read on. Gladly BACKED!

- Scott Toney, The Ark of Humanity

P.s. Please let me know what you think of my book also.
P.p.s. Have a great day!

Good start. You have talent. Backed.

Abel,
An interesting concept. Could use a solid edit, but the story is there. Just need a little polishing. I would also say that the first sentance is always the most important. It should capture the reader. To that end, it is usually best to start off with the dialog, and explain after. So just some shuffling.
Sharon Van Orman,
Eve, an Eden's Exiles novel

Abel,

The Alchemists' Cookbook is a real winner! Good title, good pitch, good story. The reader knows from the prologue that the book is not something you want to mess with, but when it falls into the well-meaning hands of a teenage girl and her friends, you can't help being as curious as they are about what it can do. The opening is nicely creepy -- a guy being strangled by his own shadow! The parallel stories, as the kids work out how to open the book and Selim gets closer to knowing who has it, are nicely suspenseful. Lucy and her friends are very believable; they remind me of my son's D&D group, a mix of boys and girls from 12 to 15. (So far, they haven't worked any real magic!)

I noted just a handful of edits, mostly picky punctuation stuff.

Prologue

No errors, but the line spacing is odd. It's triple or quadruple spaced for some reason.

Ch 1

Mother and Father should be capitalized when used as names, as should the nickname "Spooky".

"Oh, isn't it beautiful" needs a comma or question mark after "beautiful." This applies throughout whenever dialogue is broken by a dialogue attribution (David said, Lucy breathed).

Delete the stray period after approval..

'. . . the young Magi.' Magi is plural; just one would a Mage or Magus, wouldn't he?

'A tourist may have the book? One of the men said . . . Close quote after the question. One does not need to be capitalized, as it is part of the same sentence.

Ch 2

'let's do some translating.' Capitalize Let's.

books title should be book's title

'. . . on the day in question. Needs a close quote.

Suduku should be Sudoku.

Ch 3

There's no need to capitalize teak.

good nights fishing should be good night's fishing.

This book deserves to go far, and I'm happy to back it.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

A great conception, well thought out and decent dialogue. The pitch already draws the reader in as we want to know what is in the cookbook and who will reach it first.

Backed,

Lisa

Seems pleasant enough...pay attention to the basics as mentioned below and good luck!
Cheers
Stewart

Hmm a very exciting read. Although, it needs a bit tweaking. For eg. "Lucy Brennan, on holiday with her parents in the land of Egypt comes into possession of an ancient book." There should be a conjunction after this sentence, and a comma to make it clearer. For eg "Lucy Brennan, who's on holiday with her parents in the land of Egypt, comes into possession of an ancient book."

Kelvin
ICIRE: The Rebirth

Hi Abel,

this is excellent, a very enjoyable read & sits easily at the young adult up to adult readership. Interesting premise and well-paced action, you've given the plot a lot of thought and ties in well with your dialogue.

Backed

Rob

Good writing, Abel. The only comment I would make is watch for repetition of words, I agree with a comment below about 'emanated' and another example is Ch 7, repetition of 'assassin' several times within a few paragraphs - but this is a minor point and easily picked up on a final edit, I enjoyed reading this. Backed. Vall (Midwyf)