A Patch of Dappled Sun

A Patch of Dappled Sun

Immense piece of writing, the plot, the narrative, however it was the dialogue for me, it is a lesson in itself – Brilliant
A Snifter of Lagavulin to its success – Good luck.

Gabriel:

A Patch of Dappled Sun deserves all the accolades it receives. I would gladly plunk down the money for a copy.

Job well done.

Backed with the best of luck,

Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

I read The Time Glimpser and thought that was good, (VERY GOOD). I felt the need to read this book too....wow! The ending just blew me away. I never saw it coming. The writing is superb throughout and this would be an amazing film. I wish you all the best and would have paid good money to read this book. I am off to read your third and you deserve success.

Marvellous in every way. The pitch made me want to read more, and you didn't disappoint. I hope this gets published so I can read it in paperback.. it's always such a chore reading good books online! I'm backing this. Best wishes, Emily (Traps and Topaz)

This is tight, well written, and I love it. Have backed you! Rushing to school to pick up children, but wanted to leave a quick comment.

Rachael
x

A terrific start, tightly written, hooks galore and all kinds of pace; my kind of reading - backed with pleasure.

This is a rare style of writing. There are a few characters. Two ways. One is of hate and one is of love confluence in one woman is a rare treat as far as readers are concerned. Changing of mind has beautifully described in this novel. You have succeeded in projecting such team and characters perfectly.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire
The Seagulls

This is excellently told. In the beginning paragraphs I loved how you trusted the reader would pick up his handicap without actually spelling it out. Then a few paragraphs down you spelled it out twice (mentioning the rods etc). I think one of those could be pulled out. That is my only super critical nitpick. The rest of the chapter is absolutely written well. I feel the eerie-ness of David as he unpacked. I also loved how you unfolded his profession as a hit man in the hotel room. My sympathy turned immediately to scorn. (without a lot of over-dramatic writing). I will put this on my watchlist. Very good job. Best Wishes, Twhit

I find your writing style very easy to read. Upon the opening paragraphs one already has a sense of what it must be like to live in a society full of people who are so impatient. It's easy for the reader to get lost in the predicament of the main character which makes this a compelling read. I would recommend this book to friends and family. Thank you for sharing this work. Backed, Mariah

I really enjoy your writing style and the way it flows. One suggestion as you do another edit begins in the 2nd sentence. It is an incomplete sentence. Try placing it in the body of the 3rd sentence. "He was dead (from a single head shot) before his body hit.... Best of luck with this book. It has an intriguing premise.
-author of December Gold (I would appreciate your support)

Gabriel. I have just finished the first few chapters. I am reading more, but dont have the time yet ! But I have got a good overview of its story. Well paced and thought out. Dialogue is appropriate as well. Will write a more detialed commentary later. All the best. Oh and I have gladly backed it!
I would appreciate your take on my childrens' book. Please comment - positve and back it or critisize and not. Jerry - paperbat

I've somehow missed this perfect piece. What a skillful, fluent blend of musical narrative and dialogue. So glad I found it. A must read at the top of my guilty pleasure list.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

A Patch of Dappled Sun,

I liked this book and I intend to it all when I get time. BACKED

Frank James (The Contractor)

"Bloody hell Luce." Comma after 'hell.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas. There are more cases of this type of problem. Other than that, this is a gripping journey filled with surprises. Fascinating characters with real emotions. Excellent dialogue and narration. Intriguing storyline. Backed.

Gabriel,
What a wonderfully descriptive piece.
The details in which you decribe David's circumstances are superb.
Great writing.
Good Luck!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Hi Gabriel, A true masterpiece! Great Writing. I Like it and the air of mystery that kept me turning the pages. I BACK the book! Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

Hi Gabriel, A true masterpiece! Great Writing. I Like it and the air of mystery that kept me turning the pages. I BACK the book! Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

"explain synopis" To me a wasted chapter.
I did not have time to read complete story. After reading complete story. I could not stop. I do not see how anyone could do less.
BACKED

odeb -GHOSTWOMAN

Dear Gabriel, I love the intrigue in your story - I'd rather have a guardian angel than an assassin after me, any day. :) What a story you weave.! :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

Your description of David and his disdain for wheelchairs and the childhood traumas that he has survived--well this is awesome character development. Tweaks at the reader's heartstrings a bit, puts us off balance and wondering about his complexities. I liked the assassination scene, although I felt it could have moved along maybe a tad more quickly. Everything here is well-written with good choices in detail and setting. Promises to be a good story.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Really good hook in the prologue, and a premise that promises to pull the reader along. My one critique is the number of sentences that begin with pronouns; this causes a lot of sameness in sentence structure. Particularly in the prologue, if you recast most of the sentences, your writing will be as compelling as the storyline. But besides that, the writing is solid, and the style complements the genre. Happy to back this for you.
Craig
The Job

The openning, short chapter sucked me in - the inner workings of the mind of a killer dealing with his own internal angst. Your character development is strong as is your use of imagery. A most enjoyable read. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Beautiful and charming. What a lovely opening which am sure will draw in many a reader - backed.
andy and vesna
When Spirits Break Free

I was pulled in by the premise but once I started reading i was intrigued, good story, backed with pleasure.

Dear Gabriel

You have a every interesting pitch and writing style. I like your idea and your command of the english language is simply superb! That being said I do have one or two little things I think you should look at.

The first is Maria is not featured for a very long time in the first couple of chapter. In the very first chapter we see a glimpse of her (but never quite) I was led to believe, by the pitch that she would be our heroin, but further in I still see no Maria. In the prologue I think you might want add a description for her, that could make it cheesy though. But something fleeting... WHY did he find her so beautiful? All that you stated was the he saw the most beautiful creature.

Now what did she look likie? You don't have to put in her whole description, but on characteristic is enough. Eyes are always a big favourite, hair, skin, perhaps her aura. But there has somethng.

One other thing in your first dialogue you write you tended to state the argument, but never describe in what manner they say it. Now this, again, does not need to be over done, but a 'he said' 'she said' is sometimes needed to give the story a little more deph.

Apart from that it's very well written, you have a very powerful story going here, but if your intention is that Maria will be your main character then she needs to feature a little bit earlier. Perhaps after the prologue? If she's going to be the heroin we're going to have to get to know here, don't we?

Still very well done and good luck to you!

Happy Writing!

Anne Morgan - Forgotten Gods

Great storyline which is developed well. It is professionally written and polished. Your skills as a writer are very apparent. It is a beautiful story and flows well at a perfect pace. Congratulations on a fabulous book - will back you soon. Paula & Patrick Barrett - How Mean is My Valley?

A Patch of Dappled Sun

Immense piece of writing, the plot, the narrative, however it was the dialogue for me, it is a lesson in itself – Brilliant
A Snifter of Lagavulin to its success – Good luck.

Hi Gabriel, Fabulous read - I would carry on with this if it was a book in my hand. Good luck! Backed with pleasure. AnneX

Hullo Gabriel. Bound to become a winner. How distracting to be a 'hit' man under the cover of an honest disability. No one would think to stop and question him. People with disabilities don't do things like that. Ha-ha you have proved them wrong. already shelved and now backed. Please take a look at my book and thanks in advance


Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Thank you. for your backing. I thought I had already backed yours but must be mistaken. Will get onto it in the next day or so. Thanks again. Gabe.

Hullo Gabriel. Bound to become a winner. How distracting to be a 'hit' man under the cover of an honest disability. No one would think to stop and question him. People with disabilities don't do things like that. Ha-ha you have proved them wrong. already shelved and now backed. Please take a look at my book and thanks in advance


Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

I didn't expect a re-run of the prologue only with more detail and background information when I turned to your first. I wonder why? Usually a prologue gives a back ground that is vital and then the novel either goes back much further or forward to a point where the story is picked up. Or is this referring to a second double hit he has to make? The problem, if this is the same one, is, we know the outcome, which loses the tension for us.

You have a terrific set up here, the disabled man - that hasn't been done since ironside - I think....

And, your ideas are second to none - all the ingredients for a thriller that will do well. I still think an active voice and seeking out repetition of information and cutting it will greatly enhance your work -

As usual she asked him in a polite voice to remain seated.

The near hysterical receptionist caused him a delay. Not used to having guests check out within an hour of arriving he wrung his hands in distress wanting to know what problem the hotel had caused to warrant such a thing. Calming him by telling him the change had been caused by a business matter and assuring him he would return at a later date David left.

Just a couple more examples for you.

I don't want you to get the wrong impression, I only make these kind of suggestions if I think the work is really something special, sorry if I have offended, but you are worth me taking the risk, best wishes, Mary

Hi, sorry it took so long to get round to your book after your request, but i am here now. Your prologue is gripping, but could be even more so if you upped the pace and tension.

Even though you use different guises to tell us about the pause, they mean the same so are repetition: He paused - a moments hessitation - the briefest hiccough, just use one to up the tension and pace. Three, lulls the reader to a safe place and the impact is lost.

I would advise you start with the second paragraph and weave in the first and as this is a thriller, is should crack off the page, so use an active voice throughout.

The shooter prided himself he could make a double hit in three second. The two hundred yard space between him and his targets did not pose a problem. The couple walked hand in hand, chatting. Happy in each others company. He trained his telescopic sight on the head of the man, edged it a millimetre to the left and squeezed the trigger. The man fell. He would not have felt the slap of the bullet or the cold concrete that accepted his body. Nor would he see the agony of the woman as her silent scream took her to her knees.

Her turn.

etc...

I hope this helps and gives you an idea how your work could read if the the three disciplines mentioned above are applied. I am only wanting to help, you have an obvious talent and one I will back without any hessitation, best wishes, Mary. When you wrote to me you did not promise a return read, but I would be grateful if you would take the time to look at, An Unbreakable Bond and if you like it give it a backing, thank you.

Hi Gabriel,
Just finished your book "A Patch of Dappled Sun". I'm not usually into the thrillers but this was a bit different because lot of focus on characters and relationships etc. An unusual plot, with a brilliant ending. Now I understand the title and what was going on! In fact, I thought the ending was the finest part of your book (that is NOT a hint that I wanted it to end) and the paragraph relating to the



























































































































































Hi Gabriel,
Have just finished your book "A Patch of Dappled Sun". I'm not usually into thrillers but this was no ordinary thriller...the characters were interesting and had relationships etc. Now I understand what was happening and the title is explained. In fact, I found the last 2 chapters the most powerful in the whole book and I loved the paragraph which explained the *dappled sun" of the title. I'm not going to try give advice on your writing style etc, you're clearly streets ahead of me.
So well done, I'm impressed. When I "reshuffle" my bookshelf, later tonight or at weekend, I'll place you on my bookshelf.
.I see you're very high in the rankings but are stationary at moment. Authonomy demands a lot of input, doesn't it. Now that I've be using it for about 10days I've come to the conclusion it's a way of gaining useful advice, rather than getting read by any editors. (ED at the right time is almost impossible and not necessarily related to writing skills!) I'm wondering how many writers have found publishers through this site (and what that would be in % terms of registered users. Probably makes the national lottery odds look good!) At least you've got a good agent!
Good luck with writing and regards to Sue,
Cherry G. "Sister: One Woman's Journey through the Trojan War"

Well, I have chased the elusive Maria and her unfolding mystery through 18 chapters, and have gone just a touch past my bed time. Well done, this is really good, in every respect. Sorry, no useful critique from me.
phil 'Eland Dances'

Whilst you say you are promoting this, I'm not really sure you have to try too hard.This surely must rise on its own merit.
The perfect mix for a good thriller is here in spadefulls. Impressive story line, a highly original character in David plus a twist on his persona, suspense and intrigue, fast-paced, not a hint of over writing and in total, a polished piece of work.
More than well worth shelving. Margaret.

Thrillers aren't exactly my genre but how gruesome details can be so effectively communicated without overwhelming the reader fascinates me. Commenting on the unembellished, tight writing that conveys precisely what it needs to might work, or that the opening chapter so aptly hints at the flavor and content of what's ahead. I wonder if in the pitch, being more subtle work, hinting at what is ahead also. This is just a thought. Really great writing in my opinion. Backed.

Catherine (The Golden Thread) Might not be your genre either; but do comment if you like.

A dramatic prologue and engaging character in David. Happily on my shelf!
Vick
Endless

Hi Gabriel, have read your first chapter. Good pitch, strong opening, interesting premise. Clear scene, graphic and nicely understated. I'm immediately into the story and want to see what happens. Good luck. Backed. Perhaps you'll find time to read The Giant Killers?

A Patch of Dappled Sun
First of all I love your cover and your pitches. They caught and kept my attention. I only read three chapters, but your storyline is very clever and shows great potential.
Caroline/Summer Rose

I read your synopsis in C35, C1, C18 and C34. You certainly have a very intriguing plot!

Backed with pleasure,
SC Dwinnell, "Nobody Liked to Say"

It's no wonder this is such an emotional and compelling work of art. The way you superimpose Paul from David's love for Maria is ingenious. I love the way he loves her and goes to any length to save her. The writing flows with beauty.

backed
sue

Excellent.

Gabriel, it's Bill again--this time to thank you warmly for backing "The Doctor of Summitville" and to comment on "A Patch of Dappled Sun." I may have mentioned before how much I like your title and pitch, and now I can add, your first three chapters. I'll continue reading when I have time and try to comment in more detail. For now I'll mention my admiration for your theme: change of mind from intended murder to determined rescue. It's a setup for thrilling action and character transformation and should go well our reviewers and editors.
Backed.

Best wishes, Bill

This is great! The prologue really starts the mystery off with a bang. Then you jump to David on a plane and feel his frustration coming throuhg. I love that one of your main characters is disabled... a shame we don't see more of this. My only nit is that some of your chapters get a little long. It might read differently on paper, but on screen, the eyes get a little tired and I found myself skipping ahead (of course, only to go back and re-read). It might help just to break it up. Other wise this is wonderful. I am not sure if I already backed this, so I'm going to do it again just in case!

Tawn Anderson (Providence)

beautifully written, backed. Hope you'll read mine

Forgive me, I need to read more of this to judge; you are on my watchlist...
SU DAN [SEASONS]

"the big baby in the push chair"
What a totally sympathetic way to explain the back story of the paid would-be assassin!
This is a well-crafted story, compelling, disciplined in meeting the expectations of the genre.
Backed.
Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

The title drew me in. That - and the interesting plot.

Happy to have on my book shelve.

Hsiau Hsia Moo

(The Monarch Butterfly)

Not my usual reading but I've read the first few chapters anf think it's got interesting characters and an intriguing plot. A lot of pace and action. Impressive. I'll come back for more later but in the mean time, I've put it on my bookshelf.
Cherry G. (am in the process of loading my story "Sister: One Woman's Journey through the Trojan War")

Hi Gabriel, A thrilling outset and it sets the story into drive. David is an unusual character and your style reveals in a way that evokes setting - mesmerizing. I love the dialogue with Paul and Lucy and how your writing reflected him – an outward man. These are characters that form a plot because of their reluctance and their inner will. Its easy to become immersed and easy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Gabrielle, it looks to me like this has the makings of a great thriller, but I feel that you've got to let your prose get out of the way of telling the story. You've got some wordiness and excessive detail (for me) that persists in holding back the narrative during an opening scene that should be pulsing with pace and energy. The paragraphs are dense with telling of what he was thinking and feeling - along with some other prop characters that don't matter. E.g., the "fixed-smile" flight attendant and the "hysterically disturbed" receptionist. My suggestion is that you look at stripping off all but the essential plot elements - way back to maybe half of what you've got (1st chapter, I'm saying) and then add back some of the details that are helpful to supply the setting and mood. See what it looks like and how it affects the pace. (This would aid you in the long run, as I think your total word count is much higher than most any publisher would consider for a debut novel.)

Excellent prologue. I'm not interested in assassin stories but it's well done, can't fault the writing & intrigue.
The title --- OK, I've already said I hate it (I'm with your sister). Hook-wise, it's brilliant. I'm curious about the movie they're watching in Ch 3, Margaret Rutherford/Agatha Christie - I adore old movies - would that be The Alphabet Murders or Murder Most Foul? (sometimes they rename her titles). Backed, in spite of my reservations.