Paradise Misplaced

PHOTOGRAPHS OF THE ACTUAL PLACES THAT APPEAR IN 'DARK DEEDS & ALCHEMY' CAN BE VIEWED ON FLICKR.COM AT: http://www.flickr.com/search/?ss=2&ct=6&w=18272233%40N00&q=daniel+trance&m=text

I find your style very easy to read. The basic crime novel requires a unique setting. I will continue until I complete the story. Meanwhile good luck with publishers. I have been told they do not like switching eras in the book. Apparently the buying public does not have that ability.:)

good treatment of the subject

Eleanor, read 4 chapters and want to read more. the story is well-done, beautifully described with a sure-handed unfolding of the plot and depiction of the characters. not a false note anywhere.. although I doubt (in chp1) that "Romany children" would have been used in that time period. This is a well-told story which transports us to the end of the Victorian era. We are entrained without even noticing. This book deserves to be published. Good luck.............. evan

Hello,
Happened on your book and after reading the blurb, I find like mine it's set at the end of WW1 plus my mc is called Alice! So I can I resist. On my Watchlist. Best wishes, Margaret. (Candles in the Garden)

Your cover & blurb are interesting! And as you are Clare (without an i) from near Bedford - just like me I will have to give this a read! It is going on my watch list! Clare

PARADISE MISPLACED

Clare,

I have read 7 of your posted chapters and found them reasonably effortless to read, which I think is good. I offer my humble comments as follows:

DESCRIPTION:
You have a wonderful hand for describing place and colour and atmosphere. This includes the garden and the houses. People are bit more sketchy with most of your cast appearing to rely on a deformity for their stand-out characteristic. I understand that it is a time of War with only the unable-bodied left at home but some of the characters are bordering on Father Ted level of one dimension.
That said the main characters are fine, the Inspector, Doctor and gardener. Haven't read enough of Alice to make a call, but she comes across as a stroong woman in the few lines she gets.

PLOT:
I know there is one underneath all the description and maybe I am a victim of our modern world of immediate gratification. The first time I read a book I want to know what happens. You have as you say many layers to this tale which I found distracted from progression.
Once it starts to unfold the plot is very good with much mystery and many potential angles. It does remind me of Agatha Christie or the film Gosford Park. There is plenty to hold the reader's interest.

PACE/STRUCTURE:
I found the pace uneven to begin with, chapters seem to move to different beats. I got confused at the start of Chapter 2, as due to my impatience I skipped the big, bold chapter title giving me a hint that it was 20 years earlier. For a paragraph I though they were driving a car through the hole in the wall and was wondering where the Wally guy had come from. But that is just me, I need to pay more attention.

I would perhaps have started the book with the Inspector's arrival at the house, the garden could be a flashback when he returns to the pineapple shed. It would be more be more dramatic if the opening scene contains the body. I feel that is where your story really begins and would set that plot line up as the true skeleton of the story.

STYLE:
I think you capture the period very well. As I say, I am transported to the Gosford Park type vibe with a hint of Atonement. Doubt Keira Knightly would fit in with the other misfits in your cast, she's far too perfect.
You handle dialogue between characters very well, but there is a lot of internal monologue from the Inspector. Some of this internal stuff serves only to explain what the reader can and probably already has worked out for himself. It could be trimmed a bit.

MOOD:
My overall sense of mood was of a lot of desperate people who are frustrated for one reason or another. I know it is a time of great misery and hardship but surely someone in the town could inject a bit of humour. Perhaps that is the purpose of the slightly mad sidekick, complete with stammer and erratic driving habits. If so, give him a bit more 'screen time', to use a movie term.
But then again this may be the effect you are aiming to achieve. A cast of quiet desperation to paraphrase someone I can't remember.
My only problem is that the mood may grind the reader down over time without a strong interesting plot to carry them along.


Overall, I enjoyed the read. I believe you have a good book which will be of interest to many. I am sure most of what I have said above will be ironed out in the later chapters. I feel you need to bring the central plot out more as the skeleton on which to hang your wonderful description and dialogue.

All the best on this merry adventure and please remember this is your book and yours alone, my comments are the mere ramblings of a fellow traveller.

All the best
Stephen

Clare,

I've read 12 chapters. I enjoyed it all very much, and will shelve you and read on when time permits - I'm looking forward to hearing an alternative narrative voice, but I think your structure (so far) works well. And you've certainly got me hooked on the story - and not just because I saw Heligan when it had only just been opened, more than 16 years ago.

Fuller notes on the thread under Lit Fic. Best, Abu

Hi Clare! This is a note, not a proper comment on PM. Paradise Misplaced is up for review over in lit-fic come Saturday the third! So, if you're still interested, just post a note over in the literary fiction sub-folder on Saturday with your book title and name as the subject line (so everyone can recognize it), and then in the text give a link to your book and whatever prefatory thoughts (if any) you'd like to share about the book and the sort of feedback you most want to receive. And then we'll be off and running!!! I'm looking forward to returning to PM -- it's been quite a while since I read it the first time!

Hi Clare,

I've now read all 20 chapters you've uploaded and I enjoy your writing very much. You paint vivid and wholly believable pictures of your characters and you set them in their historical contexts very well. I can offer no criticism of your style, which is very accomplished, but as a simple reader, I offer you a few thoughts about the complex and obviously highly ambitious overall structure you've adopted.


Firstly, I find myself wondering whether or not Paradise Misplaced fits into any genre, as opposed to straddles several. Perhaps that's what you intend, but if so, you've increased the challenge of attracting readers. After 20 chapters, the crime (is it or isn't it?) mystery seems somewhat 'thin', i.e. I wonder if it's robust enough to be the vehicle through which all your interesting characters act and interact. From the outset I've been wondering how plausible it is that Simon, inhibited and intimidated as he is by his limitations and virtually every other character, would have actually done anything. The social analysis of the impact of WW1 at home, the suffragette movement and late-Victorian society's treatment of homosexuality are all very well done, but not in enough depth to be the 'basis' of the story.

Chapters 16-20 are such an in-depth explanation of how Alice came to be at Elysium, the foundations of her character and the basis of her relationship with Oliver Marchant, that although very readable in their own right, they seem to me at this point to have slightly disorted the balance. Of course, it may be that balance is restored in chapters 21 onwards, but at this point I feel I know much more about Alice than anyone else. Unless that's your intention? (N.B. surely chapter 20 is still 1895, not 1903?)

Finally, a thought about Simon's character. As others have commented, it's very unusual to have a 'detective' with so many personal difficulties to overcome. I'd be a little more enthusiastic about him if I had more sympathy for him. At the moment my overall impression is that sure, he's a victim, but I don't really care if he succeeds. Sorry, maybe I'm heartless. Again, maybe he becomes more likeable in later chapters.

Summing up. You're a great writer. Maybe a less ambitious overall project would be a better route to achieving publishing success. In any event, the very best of luck to you.

Regards

Cliff Howard

Thanks for taking the trouble to read so much. I'm very impressed.

I think your comment about the genre is very true. I was trying to write a crime story, with a lot of character development, from an unusual angle. At the end, Simon thinks he's worked out happens, but only the reader has the whole picture.

Part of the aim of Part 2 was for you to see Alice in a completely different and more sympathetic light.

The "balance" is restored slightly towards Simon in Part 3, which is quite challenging because the POV switches between Simon and Alice, all in 1917. The final part is the most dramatic.

I don't know whether the plot works or not. People who have read the whole things say is does. I only aim to write for a minority audience - I tend to read books for the quality of the writing, but I agree the plot has to satisfy up to a point.

I'll make a note to come back and read more of your work. As you know, I'm completely disillusioned with Authonomy, and have cut back greatly on the time spent on it.

Best Wishes

Clare

Eleanor, you have an easy-to-read style with plenty of good observations which make the reading of the book all the more interesting. Crime books are not my forte, but, from the start, I liked the fact that you have an unusual character in the one-armed police inspector and his driver, Arthur. He was different and so was the setting -- back in 1917. While I was reading it -- and take this as a compliment -- I kept getting little images in my mind's eye of Simon acting this out on a television screen. By that I mean, Simon, with his empty sleeve and Arthur as his driver, would make a very good 'TV inspector.' with an unusual setting back in 1917. I like the possible fallibilty of Simon -- though I don't suppose he is for one moment -- but it is pleasing to have a detective who moves at a gentler pace than some of the slick types today.Heis very much like Michael Kitchen in 'Foyle's War' -- again a compliment.
I see some of the reviewers are discussing self-publishing. If you want to see youir work in print and the London agents won't bite -- as the ones I approached wouldn't -- then the gratification of actually having the ten copies (or more if you can afford it) in print is worth it. Otherwise it just sits in the drawer and no one ever knows it exists. A well written, interesting, good read. -- Joe Canning.

Clare, I thought I ought to drop by and apologise for having upset you on the forum. I hope you know that I admire you greatly. It depresses me to find that I have distressed you. I am now doing my best to stop anyone plugging my book on the forum.

Charles

Hi Claire,

I hope you find these comments helpful. They are, but one reader's humble opinion. Feel free to ignore them, or print them out and burn them. But I only write them in the hope of improving your novel -- with the ultimate goal of publication.

Thank you for pointing me to The Remains of the Day, it truly helped get me in the mood for what I was about to experience in your manuscript. It was a nice epigraph to Paradise Misplaced. And now that I've read a good deal of your novel. I must say: well done.

Your sense of pace is perfectly appropriate, slowing readers down to a time when automobiles were cranked to life -- and driven -- by drivers. When use of the telephone still competed with the telegram. When women and old men ran the nation because all able bodies were on the front. This is the sort of novel one can get lost in on a foggy day, chair set next to a crackling fire.

If I have one negative thing to say it would be to watch how often you use the "to be" verbs. I understand this is a period piece, and that it often sounds authentic to place the narration in the passive voice, however I think it's better to save your "to be"s for the times when you need it: "We were a sorry pair." Perfectly fine right there. Though you could even change it to "We made a sorry pair."

Arthur was washing the vehicle....

Arthur washed the vehicle...

[This was recently posted on the forum: http://www.holtuncensored.com/hu/the-ten-mistakes/

#6 The To Be Verbs]

Honestly though, it's fine if you left them in there. It's not so bothersome once a reader gets into the story. There are novels on the site where "to be" is too much of a crutch -- this isn't one of them. Though a few such changes, right up front, might make it easier for readers to adapt to your style. Sort of turn the temperature up incrementally so the frog doesn't hop out of the pot.

Simon is a very interesting hero. He's a reluctant inspector, and had he not lost his arm we wonder what plans he had for himself: it does not seem to be police work (and he later reveals a certain contempt for it). And it's this quality that sets him apart from other heroes: his reluctance. Because of this reluctance he seems to rely upon his snobbery as a crutch for missing the details that an inspector who enjoyed his work might spot. For many of these details, Simon must rely on Arthur, for his pride had blinded him. He is a compelling protagonist.

I like the relationship between Arthur and the Simon. Arthur reveals himself to be more clever than a simple driver, while the Simon is loathe to give him credit. Arthur's stammering when about provide a deep reflection upon the situation is almost always cut short by Simon's snobbery. It works brilliantly. I'm reminded somewhat -- thought not in a humorous way -- of Inspector Clouseau and his assistant Hercule, Hercule always seeming to have the correct presumption, yet Clouseau's pride (and in his case, incompetence) always get in the way. Simon's snobbery is a great character flaw, which I see as taking this character a long way -- plenty of room for growth -- in literary terms.
Arthur is the anti-sidekick, for Simon doesn't acknowledge him as anything more than a servent. Yet he fulfills the necessary role of introducing those facts that are all too obvious to everyone else into Simon's head. I can't tell you how well I think this works -- I guess I can: this works well.

The reassurance that "Paradise Valley" gives the protagonist as he recalls the first time he saw the vista. It's times like this that I to am reassured that the author has a clever, well-planned novel ahead. And when we turn the page, we are not let down, for you return your readers to that day when first he laid eyes on Paradise. This was a great chapter transition. Set up, and fulfilled.

Clever nickname. Perfectly executed without making the reference too obvious in the early chapters.

All your knowing detail, for example: the gun exploding (one of those French rifles with the penchant for jamming and exploding, perhaps?). And you continue throughout with such smart observations that the reader will trust and continue with you to the end of the journey. (for example: The decline in the wool trade -- which I'm guessing shifted to New Zealand and Australia somewhere around this time -- as reason for Wally's lack of family money.) They all marry to form a wonderful mystery, set in a fully developed world. Very professional.

This was a pleasure to read. And I'm hooked.

Cheers,
Jason

Apologies (again and in public) for not acknowledging yours, and watchlisted!
A.

I'm not much into crime myself (perhaps Morse aside) but this is excellent. Very flowing, very engaging and easy to read. I like the way you set up the dynamic between Stone and Arthur very early and how it sets the tone. I liked the historical context.

Excellent stuff!

Hi Clare,
Dorothy L Sayers is one of my favourite authors, not so much for the detection, but for the intricate interweaving of setting and character. So, when i say your work reminds me slightly of hers, it is a huge compliment. i have read the first seven chapters now and like this enormously, firstly as a wonderful evocation of a long disppeared society with all its mores but also because i so like the gradual, careful building of a compelling complex narrative. This is masterful stuff. One of my faults as a reader is that I tend to gulp at a book I like the first time round (but I do come back for a leisurely read if I like something) so I often become impatient with heavy description. Your deftness with telling details is wonderful- i particularly liked 'possibly fake pearls' and 'tipsy with patriotism' but your extended description of the pineapple was what really got to me- the depth and clarity was superb as it highlighted all the things a child would notice if he'd never seen one before.
This is lovely writing- clear as bell. Love it. Paradise misplaced certainly gets a place on my revolving bookshelf

Hi Clare

Somewhat by accident, my book has been taken off the site. It may be just as well, and I'm not sure when or if I'll put it back up. But thanks for backing it and I will still stay on the site as a reader and try to continue reading your book.

Best, JP

I'm sorry to hear this. Authonomy seems to be getting a bit cliquish, and I often think about deleting everything and walking away, except that it took so long to load everything up! Anyway, thanks for you support, and I hope you decide to put your book back on, since it is well-written and you have an interesting idea.

Clare

Hi Clare,

Just to let you know I've shelved this. I did it before, but it seems to have registered again!

All the best

Mary

This is a courtesy note to say I haven't forgotten you're on my watchlist, and I promise I will have comments by 21 nov at the absolute latest. Apologies for the delay in getting back to you.

Best

Dan

...and that's what I love about this place. Thanks Clare have changed it already.

Mark.

Thanks very much for your comments on Common Places. I agree with almost everything you say, but with regard to the 'tedium, lack of tension etc., at the beginning, this is necessary to emphasise the change of pace as we go backwards in Leah's life and see the influence and importance of Frank. I hope you continue to read and enjoy it.

Clare
Another PS after reading your comment again - Kathy has to call her 'Mammy' as her mother's Irish - perhaps I should make that clearer, tho' she does say that her friends call theirs 'Mum'!!

Frankie

Hi Clare
Thanks very much for your kind comments and for bookshelving - I have watchlisted yours and will come back witih long comments, but the first thing I suggest is that you write a tight, short long-pitch to attract people to read your book/s. As you know, we have so much to read on here, so a shorter pitch is the best way to get readers. Like your title, but you also need an attention-grabbing short pitch (which is the only bit people see on the main books page) such as " Wealthy land-owner Oliver dies...but does anyone care?" Ask them a question, don't bean-stuff them with info! Just a thought, but first impressions and all that!

Frankie
PS - Have answered the Rose is old at 69 thing in previous comments - that was around the life expectancy for her at that time, so she was reaching sell-by date! Women were middle-aged at 35, you just have to look at photos!

Hi Clare, I posted a response to your comments on Inner Space. Thank you for taking an interest and I hope you will read on.
I have a lot of catching up to do with my reading on here and I have to admit Paradise Misplaced is on my list.

Clare,

Thank you for your extremely interesting comments on The Natural Order of Things. You are, of course, completely right about the characters tending towards the two dimensional. I think they're both kind of slow reveals and you don't necessarily really get a true sense of who they are until the end of the novel - I was aiming for a Notes On A Scandal-esque quality with that. The male narrator is supposed to be a ranter and a bit of a prat, so I'm taking your reaction to him as a good thing!

Thanks again
Tom

watchlisted as promised in forum. back soon.

Hey, Clare--

Ain't globalisation great? (See, I'm Britishing up everything now.)

Selling my stuff is a somewhat delicate topic for me (let's just say Bland and I have had similar issues with the world at large), but it's become less-so recently because of Authonomy. I haven't shopped my writing around on-line at all, and haven't gone the snail-mail route in about a year. I have all these websites for publishers and agents bookmarked for a while now, and haven't done anything with 'em since.

Do you have any suggestions how to proceed? Or should I just throw the question out to the forums and see what everyone thinks?

Thanks again,
Jason

Hi, Clare--
I've tweaked Music of the Spheres a bit, but not to my satisfaction. I tried to address Bland's therapist issue by emphasizing his anger management problem which is just about resolved at the time of the story.

And damn, I still need to correct 'purse' to 'handbag'. Tinker, tinker.

Thanks,
Jason

Hi, Clare--

I always appreciate your helpful comments; they compel me to take a long, hard look at my writing. To answer your question, I have ten full-length manuscripts, and roughly a dozen projects in various stages of completion (which might be interpreted as a lack of focus, but I like to think it keeps the old brain a-working). But none have been published yet.

I'd 'mislaid' Paradise momentarily, but I intend to get back to it very soon. Thanks again!
--Jason

Thank, you - yes, the "4th chapter" syndrome - I KNOW that I am less happy with mine. On the other hand, I am happiest of all with the most recent chapters because I've really got into the voice. Which I hope shows the importance of finishing the book before going back to any more rewrites.

Toning down - you're right and it's a real tug. The 50% of me that wants to be a writer for a day job says I'd do anything to get into print. The 50% of me that loves language says if I had to tone it down I wouldn't want to be a writer. I guess that's a universal dilemma amongst writers!

Clare, thank you so much for your comments. I hope you don't mind me rambling here a little (I'm one of those awful think as they speak people!). You have picked up on two points in particular - the dialogue and the plot. I understand all your concerns about the dialogue, and I will read it with a toothcomb, but the mix that you describe is exactly what I was aiming for - my experience of art students (and more directly of the 18 year old philosophy students I used to teach) and the like has been that they speak in this way -it's almost like a patois - it should feel syncopated, like listening to a drunk Tracey Emin talking to Brian Sewell at his most disdainful only all from the same mouth. So I THINK I'm happy with the dialogue.

Story - if only you knew the agonies I've had with story. The current opening is the fifteenth draft (I'm making myself not rewrite it again until I've finished the whole thing - I'm 50k through an estimated 75 at the moment), and it still stalks my nightmares. On paper (MUCH paper - you should see the synopses/storyboards in my study!) the story is there. It makes sense to start in the middle - show Sandrine happy (the point is that she's AT REST), then have her faced with the dilemma about returning home. Then shoot back in time, and spend the next three quarters of the book explaining why this is such a dilemma, and following her thought processes as it were (perhaps that's the bit of me in her - she thinks as she speak to the page!). The final quarter of the book shows her following through her decision, and shows that her choice is not as simple as she thought, that her situation is actually notwhat she imagined, and things aren't within her control. end with her taking the one choice that gives her back control of her life (not suicid, that would be hackneyed above and beyond). The big ask that this makes of readers, of course, is that they put up with an opening chapter that is - by intent - static. I think you hit the nail on the head when you say this is OK if you can engage with the characters, so that's where I've focused all my energy. I do know that the case isn't closed, though, and that this is an area that splits people - the choice I've got to make I think is exactly where I'm pitching this - I don't want to alienate readers, on the other hand I would much ratehr have my target audience love it and others not get it at all than everyone think it's very good (I think, maybe mistakenly, that a manuscript stands a better chance if some put it in their top 1% and others in their bottom 1% than if everyone puts it in their top 10%).

I'm very interested by what you say about my writing as a male about an 18 year old gay woman. I've had quite a long discussion about this with RobbG who has a similar protag. We concluded that we found it easier in a way to write about characters who had nothing in common with us because it freed the imagination. I think on the one hand our attitude is wholly disingenuous because it suggests a lack of regard for authenticity. Then again we both write slightly off-key stories whose target audience is, in all probability, 18-40 year old men. I think what gave me the confidence (or stupidity) to write this was reading Murakami's Sputnik Sweetheart, which is a love story between a 22 year-old female musician and an older woman.

The other thing you bring up is setting - in another writing group there was a debate about this - someone said "where the hell is Vizivaros?" and someone else said - in a bookshop, this book will have a cover and a blurb - we don't need to be told where we are". I know you weren't referring to the physical setting, but it's the same debate. I have a completely open mind and always listen to suggestions on things like this. All I can go on is my experience as a reader, and my preference is for reading to be hard but rewarding, and to discover what's going on slowly - as you said first off, though, I will only be prepared to go on the journey if i like the characters.

Please accept my apologies for this ramble - I don't expect you to read it or respond (although I would hugely appreciate a nudge in any direction on story), but I do want to thank you hugely - nothing on this site has got me thinking so hard about my writing as your comment, and that's wonderul. I hope to be able to do the same for you. Please feel free to paste your comment (and this response if you like) onto our forum thread when this book comes up.

All the best

Dan

Sorry, I hate having to comment on my book on other threads but I'm never sure if folks will return so I'll put this thank you here and tell you there's an answer under the book.

Anyway, I must get through some of my watchlisted books. Not only do you have a lovely face (when I can't see those problems you so skilfully hide!) but it lookd intriguing,

I had no idea you were here, but am delighted to come to this after seeing you on Frenchbob's literary thread. After a month and a half here it's good to know there are still plenty of treasures to be found.

Dan

I'm watchlisting this partly cos I like your smile. I may be back with comments if I like your style too.

This was an interesting beginning and premise, I've watchlisted you for now and will finish up this week.

Good luck to you. You have an interesting story here, and you capture the time(s) and place(s) very well.

Hi Clare. I haven't the time to read 36 chapters and I can only comment on what I read. I'm sure it's just how I imagined it. Good luck.

Eleanor, I'm not sure about Doctor Watts at the beginning. First I thought of Doctor Who and then when I hit the word Watts, I thought of Sherlock Holmes. Good luck.

Okay. Will try to re-visit and read more in due course - sestius

Clare - have had a chance to read through thefirst few chpts of this. I agree with most of the comments about it starting a little slowly - but it seems that you will be remedying this in a later edit. Have you considered starting with the childhood flashback? I thought the pace picked up here. Just an idea.

I think you handle the time setting adeptly, e.g. in the description of the pineapple - the exotic thrill you relate of such an unheard of delicacy rings very true. The introduction to the loss of the hand is also well done, and is suitably jarring. It's interesting the assumptions we make as we read: for me, that your lead character is not in any way disabled; for you (in 'Pistols') that the story is set at least fifty years ago.

I respectfully disagree with SJ's comment and demand that you leave the phrase "light blue eyes slid away between their sandy lashes" (from other SJ comments I have read - generally all spot on - he occasionally has a tendency to be a little overly literal). With only a second's consideration the meaning is entirely clear: not all writing needs to be gob-droppingly unchallenging and obvious.

For the time setting of your novel, I would commend to you 'Blind Like Us' by Steven Wyatt. A good read also dealing with WWI, of which you may already be aware.

And finally thank you for the kind comments on 'Pistols'. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Boris Johnson - nice. Also interesting, he being a hopelessly anachronistic individual in the present day. Do push on, if you can, with Hammersley - I hope you will be pleasantly surprised by the 'romantic' episodes in which he finds himself (and, let's be honest, which he tries to engineer).

I agree with you on the language point - although it is easier to use theatrical, overly elaborate language when your character is a theatrical, overly elaborate tit. I can understand why you may struggle with this in your eminently more sensible storyline, although your chosen time period is likely to assist. Keep up the good work, and let us know when you've had a chance to do the edit.

i enjoyed the opening to this crime thriller and love the way it is set in the war - so many damaged psyches to explore. You write with clarity and paint rounded characters. However, i felt it was slowed down by the flashback and backstory. Do you need the flashback at all? I found myself skipping the para's that were not directly relevant to the plot. If it were mine, i would cut anything not directly relevant and keep the focus tight to up the pace and suspense, which is really good. A minor note, i know it is important you set the time frame, but not sure you need as many refs to all the men being at war. One or two well placed reminders will do.

Hi Clare.

Thanks for your comments on Last Summer: all very constructive. Yes, I agree that perhaps some of the opening section is a little slow. This has worried me for a while, but when i rewrote bits of it I actually added quite a few scenes in to part 1, as I felt I needed more background. Also felt I needed to mention the house being almost re-built etc, whereas in my first draft this was done in a matter of days almost!!

Like you say in your 'blurb', Last summer isnt meant to be a pacy action packed thriller. I have added you to my watchlist, particularly interesting to see that your novel shares things with mine: the time some of it is set, the fact that one main character is a gardener (Tom, in the 1890's section) and the fact that 'the reader knows more than the characters'. I also feel that in my book it is a case of 'in the jigsaw of events does anyone see the whole picture?'

Best Wishes

rob

i, i came across your book and thought it would make a good conrast to the frenetic violence of the young adult category. i found this a really refreshing book to read and not just because you move the reader forward so gentlyt hrough the brilliantly evoked landscape. i wnat to believe that i've been there but I know I haven't . The pineaplles scenes seemed particularly effective to me. I also like the style which is just so perfect for the tone of the narrative. i think you write like a gardener, patiently working with the words , allowing things time ro grow and pruning very gently to attain the perfect shape. This is a remarkable book. Thank you. Jak

Hi, Claire, finally found a moment to return your kindness.

You do the setting and the language like you'd lived through the first world war. The details of the landscapes are wonderful, transporting the reader to those green glades and english gardens.

The characters are real 1915 characters with the speech, behaviours and values of the time well-portrayed and believeable.

Personally, I found the balance between main story and backflashes a little too heavy on the backflashes. But this isn't the style of book I usually read.

I didn't understand the reason for the present tense at the start with "The vehicle is mine..." I also wondered at whether his mother would be so naggy for the time... okay maybe about finding a girl and work but I thought they all tolerated cigarettes as a male luxury... actually, were they available in wartime? Perhaps she was just a prickly woman. I found him a little hard to like in the first chapter despite the viewpoint, and I think it was just his stiffness and his impatience with others. Jocelyn is a great foil with her wild take-charge ways. I like her.

Good luck with this.

Hi Clare,

Lulu has a library of covers that you can choose from (pictures and solid colours). You then type in your text i.e. Title, Author's name etc. and choose the font, colour and text size. I chose a library cover for Dark Deeds & Alchemy ( www.lulu.com/content/3956665 ). The alternative is to upload your own photo. I have just done this for a book I published for the singer of my band. I cropped a photo to about the right aspect ratio and uploaded it. Then I just chose the font, colour and text size as before. See ( www.lulu.com/content/4381108 )

Some print on demand publishers charge you up to £500 for formatting the text and designing a cover - with Lulu it's free. The only down-side is that you have to do everything yourself - this includes deciding the line spacing, size of the margins, gutter, and font etc. The good thing is that once you have uploaded your MS Word (.doc) file Lulu will convert it into a publishing file (.pdf) which you can download to check. Likewise with the cover.

When your file is upload Lulu will give you a price for the book based on its size, format and number of pages. This is the price of a single copy. Dark Deeds & Alchemy, which is in 6'x9' format and 444 pages costs me £8.27 a copy, Reaching Out, which is also 6'x9' and 203 pages costs £5.14.

However, the Lulu pricing structure is changing at the end of this month. DD&A will go up by about 50p, but RO will come down by about 40p. I think there will also be a discount if you order ten or more whereas it is currently twenty-five or more.

You can also decide: 1. to keep the book private so only you can access it, 2. allow a selected audience to view it, or 3. allow it to be sold in the Lulu Market Place. I suggest setting it to private at first, and order a single copy. If it's all Ok and you are happy with it you can then go public with it.

Making changes to the text and cover is also easy and takes about ten minutes.

I hope that helps. If you would like help on setting up and formatting I can let you have the details of how I did mine.

Cheers,

Adrian.

hiya - my book is back up if you want to carry on reading it! :) xxx

Hiya - thanks very much for your comments! Yep - to be honest I was surprised nobody mentioned the structure before you, because I think that's the book's biggest flaw.

Glad you enjoy it and I'll add yours to my watchlist. :) x x x x x

Rotating bookshelf - hilarious! I have one too. Although I always feel guilty about not having enough space. I tried for ages to keep my top 3 favourites there all the time but after a bit I realised I just couldn't do it....
Best of luck with this
Sheila x

Thank you for your kind comment Clare - I've been avoiding this addictive site and (ta-da!) actually writing. I've watchlisted you and I'll get back to you. Interesting what you say about Ruth...she's meant to be something of an ideal, of course, the soldier's sweetheart, but you're right: she's probably a bit too cute. I'll work on that. I appreciate your input

Hi Clare (Eleanor?)
Lovely sense of place and very atmospheric. Not fast-action but you point that out yourself. Good first person narration and it held my interest throughout.
I like the interwoven tales a lot, I think this helps to maintain interest and stops the pace from getting too slow.
Well done!
Sheila

This sounds very much my type of book! You're on my watchlist and I shall comment further once I've read some sample chapters.

Hi Claire,

Thank you very much for taking the time to read... I hope you don't mind me using your page to respond. I see your book is set in Cornwall too, I'm looking forward to reading it when I get home (actually in Cornwall at the moment). I take your point about the background plot of Jamie and Dave's relationship, I am trying to get the order of chapters right as aIl do want to get some background in before the major event(s) occur but also don't want to bore readers so they never get to them! I would really appreciate it if you would read more, and look forward to hearing from you again, as well as reading Paradise Mislaid. All the best, Kath

Hi Clare, thank you for looking at The Three Bears, I will watch list this too as I've got some space and it looks worthwhile

Yes I am self-published, it's relatively easy and cheap these days but in the end it's all about the marketing, there's a mine of information on this yahoo group http://finance.groups.yahoo.com/group/Self-Publishing/