Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Krisna is a brilliant mimic, one hell of a performer. And this remarkably stylish work barely contains his rapid fire patter, charting his all-or-nothing progress out of the great self-educated underbelly of teeming sub-continental life. "India is two countries in one: an India of Light, and an India of Darkness," as The White Tiger had it. And this first chapter of yours shows both such facets with a lightness of touch as the reader is drawn into a culture of poverty, drugs and crime.

I really liked the spelling conceit, Krisna's tattey, grottey, kneebley take on words. (A speech mark missing in Why not, I say. Why not?) Blousey banter, indeed. Sing-song, imaginative and very entertaining.

So, congrats, very good fusion work, Barry. Shades of Adiga's award winner could not conceal its merit. And with such a wide and explosive country the genre (if it is one!) can surely encompass your Krisna's amusing rat-a-tat voice. I hope it is heard as widely as any other slumdog millionaire's. Good luck with the HC Boys next month!

Barry,
This story is beautiful in the sense of what it reveals. It captures the intensity of human emotions through the varying stages of depravity and poverty all seen through the clever and perhaps spunky eyes of Krisna. Remember Patrick Swayze in the City of Joy?; he was stupendous in terms of how he revealed the horrific conditions that governed the rough side of Calcutta. Then there was that hit "Slumdog Millionaire" which followed suit with their piece on Mumbai and then there would be yours I guess, conceived humanly with an innate passion for discovering the lives of the underdogs each with their own story to tell. It is really sad Barry but they seem to reinvent themselves in a way they see fit. Remarkable and scary to some extent.

Beautifully written, rather bold in the manner it captivates the reader; you use the language with so much versatility that someone who isn't familiar with that lingo, is able to grasp it well in its entirety. In no way did I lose track of your usage of words - I followed the language which gilded through a sometimes profound and sometimes brutal mindset of a young Indian boy who really should be in school. He lives and breathes like a man trapped in a mind of a child. Sad in that sense that he would lose his childhood to life's bitter pills.

I am backing this and will be checking out your next masterpiece.

Beautiful piece.
Rome
Directives for Murder

Nice pitch, Barry, pretty informative encouragement, which generates curiosity without divulging too much of the story, provident, but packs a punch.

Unfortunately, for me, I haven’t been to India, but you have to appreciate Delhi’s 14 million inhabitants considerably dwarves Patna’s miniscule 1.8 million approximation. A 1000 mile uncomfortable ‘chuffa’ ride on an outmoded and antiquated rail system, suggests Raju Sharma expects Delhi to be a city of opportunity; the ‘wallah’ - ’wallah’ grapevine unearths the possibility of hotel work, and its inherent perks of the trade. Delhi sounds like India’s equivalent to London as regards expectations, promise and options.

Unusual, but convincing lingo in the opening chapter – Wallah – Haanji-in – Noksan – Malik - Namaste, vocabulary that lends itself quite nicely toward young Krisna’s developing characterization.

Mitsy, Beadies, Smackers, Fizog , Rumpus-pumpus, Hippy-dippy, fizza, angrezi, goras, Saathi, ferenghi’s, Jaldi, rickytrickies, Paharganji, fazza, Saujis – Little Krisna has his own hybrid slang and savvy phraseology, dare I suggest, it only slightly, echoes, ‘A Clockwork Orange’, apologies Barry; very tricky original design and a commendable direction, an intriguing personification which takes a little getting used to at first.

Vivid writing of the ‘Cells’/hotel rooms, chapter 2; an unsavory picture of abject deficiency and inadequate sanitation/ hygiene, yep they’re pretty much real S--t holes, a marble stairway of six storeys and crikey no lift. The price of a room reflects their Standard, at a reduced 450 rupees -well 300, if you forget little Krisna’s 150 pocketing. Room 104 is already extremely intriguing, from inside the storage cupboard, anyhow.

Amazing Delivery, Barry, are these lucid descriptions born out of pure writing talent and the creative process, or are they also a rich manifestation from some of your very varied and plentiful travel experience; repugnant and vile, graphic imagery, nice stuff, ‘my friend’.

The terrorist bomb explosion is a clever twist in the tale, killing off L K’s manager ‘Mota Sahib’ is a master stroke, suitably, it clears the way for Little Krisna and makes scamming or turning a fast rupee much easier. I’ve noticed you don’t pinpoint those responsible for the explosion, a canny decision, and I wonder if there’s something significant behind this later.

I have to admit, Barry, your descriptive expression is highly evolved and extremely perceptive, your style is pretty full on, and I admire your willingness to use words no matter how explicit or vulgar, you remind me of a modern day, but much more extreme, Henry Miller, well some of the time, anyhow. I’m also beginning to notice the intelligent way you are weaving Westernized culture and music into little Krisna’s narrative/character, some of it deliberate/ obvious and some of it quite subtle, easy to pass by, first class writing, yet again.

Compelling plot chapter 3, the brutal murder of a prostitute is swept under a carpet and highlights how little value is put on life on this darker side to Delhi. It’s revealed that the ‘Kashmiri Wallah’, responsible, is the boss’s brother and part of the Delhi mob, for his own personal safety ‘Burabhai’ warns Little Krishna to keep out of things,; is the computer recording to attractive to ignore, maybe so, especially now there’s the added burden of brother immediately needing costly medical treatment for his recent cancer diagnosis.

Krishna’s trip to ‘Merica’ is completely laughable - love the ghostly apparitions, acid induced, of course, recreational drugs eh.

I’m quite sure Jimi Hendrix, himself, would have wholeheartedly endorsed it’s use – ‘Purple Haze’ - song titles as chapter headings, quite a credible catalogue of substance, I may add – Bowie, Creedence, Hendrix, Procol Harum, Beatles, Pink Floyd, Dylan……one or two I don’t know…and last but not least - welsh wonder Sir Tom himself.

The MOTORHEAD T-shirt (with the skull) is excellent humor, however, the mood of the story changes to sadness; Krisna and Burabhai find out they’ve missed their mother’s funeral, memories of father’s gruesome funeral are pretty macabre, so there’s perhaps a little relief, nonetheless. A ‘Brotherly blueprint’ is also disclosed, a proposed act of craziness born out of necessity, perhaps offering a tiny glimmer of hope in such a futile and desperate situation, a notably moving and quite purposeful plot.

Burabhai ‘s suicide at the landfill site, seems a genuinely magnanimous act, tinged, with sadness and despair, there’s real irony in the fact that Krisna and corpse are sent a car by Mr A.

Organ donation in exchange for funeral expense is a pretty cold arrangement, an eye opening, opportunist’s bottom line, me thinks.

The return ‘Chuffa’ from Bombay, leads a fine twist in the story. ‘The Bombay Train Bomber’ is truly exceptional story telling. The wealth of incriminating evidence is heavily stacked against Krisna, law enforcement is rife with corruption, banged to rights, an endless list of crimes and misdemeanors, include murder, terrorism, drug dealing and jewelry theft, could Krisna escape his precarious fate, was Mr A in on things? and how, if possible, would he seek retribution, now he’s locked up and remanded, after recklessly agreeing to sign a confession, the situation doesn’t look good.

‘B104’ - numbers instead of names, to hide caste and religion, is a knowledgeable and understandable, inclusion, great insight and meticulous attention to detail. This read gets better and better, a tornado of craziness throwing up unexpected twists and turns around every corner, in an ever evolving perennial, fantastic imagination and profoundly convincing authenticity.

Krisna’s isolation draws deep contemplation and an intrinsic awareness; things have reached their lowest ebb and he desperately misses the company of others - the Bihar boys, life at the L K and the general hustle and bustle of everyday India living.

Heading back to the L K as a police informant, ‘cloud nine’, Chapter 14, is an unexpected but tantalizingly fanciful, surprise, this enterprising proposition for retribution, is far to good to pass up; time for a bit of payback, me dekky’s.

Mr A sends Krisna to organize a family function at Mahmood’s place in Bophal, a promising, but risky opportunity, which may uncover evidence of a criminal operation/ set up, quite a quandary, having to take ‘kanchi’, especially with that inherent threat posed by sicko - Mahmood.

The Union carbide disaster of 1984 was a disgraceful and totally avoidable tragedy. Leaving many shanty people dead or permanently disabled, a huge class divide, it’s truly sad Bophal struggles to shake this dreadful association, nasty business, a very costly humanitarian lesson indeed.

A beautifully described ostentatious mansion, on the lake, is an impressive introduction to another world/ eutopia a far cry from the impoverished lifestyle back at the L K in Delhi. Kanchi’ is awestruck and totally oblivious to the true situation, luckily Mahmood is still away on business.

Thankfully Krishna finally warns his little sister about Mahmood and then devises a plan to keep her out of his reach.

Mahmood’s characterization is really overbearing, a totally abusive and arrogant, demeanor, predominantly within the dialogue and those discerning requests made by such a vehement sexual predator; a very dangerous man who is used to getting what he wants, building this despicable uncompromising and provocative evil character, strongly evokes a real and passionate desire, from within the reader, Mahmood is due what’s coming to him, love the complexity of using ‘Sabitra/ Kanchi’ as Bait to lure Mahmood to his death.

Fantastic direction again, ‘Tareshni’ shoots her husband and his brothers dead then turns the gun on herself, I didn’t see that one coming, completely unexpected but never the less over due, I would say.

It finally emerges Krisna was set up by Starsky and Hutch, gone bad, they’ve really done a number on him, a scapegoat to cover up their own failings and inadequacy, very cruel but totally believable, the fact they let Krishna go is no small mercy either, though.

Chapter 20 is a completely satisfying finale to this work, a new life in Kerala and a business owned by the ultimately charismatic, protagonist - LITTLE KRISNA, a happy ending off in a new sunset.

The Characters in this story are definitely the strongest I’ve encountered on Authonomy - Krishna’s narrative is bold and brassy, deeply analytical and sophisticated, but mostly there’s an underlying refreshing sense of humor, unique thoughts which creep in at every opportunity. He’s also a walking encyclopedia of traditional/ local religion and of modern day western culture; often dropping comparison’s which many readers can associate with, gaining far more understanding within each twist and turn of the unpredictable plot.

To say this is truly fabulous writing is somewhat an understatement, this endeavor deserves to reach the editor’s desk, it’s resourceful and enterprising, well researched and structurally sound. There’s a heck of a lot of indigenous and imaginative, but believable, vocabulary, and the storyline genuinely never deteriorates, congratulations Barry.

Best of success, with one eye on your progress and Kind regards

Grendel

Im flabbergasted this is fantastic, absolutly fantastic, superb, brilliant you've completly revitalised my desire to write. This is something you only can only dream about pulling off. everything is absolute class, not single dull moment. It is superb. How did you do it? The technique, the style of writing, the originality, the tragedy, everything and everything is in this. How did you composite it, straight off the top of your head, I mean its brilliant. I'm speechless, and I thought I had the discourse going, but you supersede my story by miles. My only saving grace here is my content might slightly supersede yours, but thats debatable. I feel I've just entered a competition with an expert challenger, for top spot on discourse, not that I'm trying to enter a competition with you its purely accidental. I'm putting this book on my bookshelf.

Damn, Barry. I haven't encountered writing this interesting since Anthony Burgess. Seriously, your first paragraph had me hooked, reading what felt like a mixture of Clockwork Orange and Kipling at his pukka best.

But the difference between you and Burgess is the almost lighthearted way you treat the darkness of the MC, his background and surroundings. This feels like a romp on the dark side, and I'm completely captivated by it.

Deservedly backed. Hell, if I could back this twice I would.

Excellent stuff, Barry. And best of luck to you here.

- Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Hi,

I like the storyline. On my WL

ok, so you troll me in with the dather and pintag, I's got me think'in and blinkin, cant to scatter you a single direct rupple and danglin participle...but its a fair slice of life and infectious, im off to the lab to see if this stuff is a damnation to my pride or reason...jolly good roll ...

Ah I remember reading+ backing this when you were deskbound. You evoke the sense of grinding poverty so well, really pulling us into your story. And Krisna's such a great character. I couldn't tear myself away from his adventures. Good stuff. If you hadn't made the desk already, I'd be tempted to back this again. ;)

Pete

I found this on a friend's bookshelf. I was surprised when I read the first few lines. It was not what I expected. Spellbinding. Highly-rated. I will be back for more.

You don't need crit comments from me now!

You bring alive the alleys and back streets of Paharganj, the sights, the sounds, the smells. You're familiar with a milieu that I couldn't begin to be familiar with. When I used to be a visitor here I'm sure someone just like him knocked on the door of my hotel room and tried to engage me in conversation when my (Indian) fiance had stepped out for a while. My middle class life wouldn't cross paths in a million years and my husband wouldn't allow me to speak to a person like him. "Just don't TALK to these people," he'd tell me in near-desperation. "They think goris like you are an easy target." Now, of course, the lad would just probably call me 'mataji'. That is when I'm dressed in 'mataji' finery, sari, bindi, churis, et al.

Thanks for the insight, bhaiya! I wish you the best with this and will read as much of it as I can. Your characterization is incredible!

Hi Barry,

Though I didn't enjoy your other book, I have to say this one is brilliant. There isn't any point in me backing it as I see you've already made it to the desk without my help, but I'm sure it will be picked up by a publisher somewhere if not here so good luck with it.

Ron

QUOTE:
Richard Maitland wrote 16 hours ago [reply] [delete]

Barry, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that Little Krishna will be picked up -- and picked up soon -- by a publishing House far more able than HC at spotting a winner.

It's an excellent read -- full of life, vibrancy, colour and authenticity; one of the most interesting and different books I've read here. Good luck with the next step

Richard.

Well, Barry, apart from their typo "Indian" rather than "India" (modern Indian and its inhabitants) the HC review was a good one, (because, honestly, what on earth could anyone say but great things about your book? And I mean that.)

They seem to be bogged down by the language, though, even though they make generalized positive statements about the book, they seem to not have been able to form a real opinion about the story, which is not only an alternately funny and poignant story but an important one in that it describes a very real world that many people live in and cope, or don't cope with.

I don't agree with HC about the whole making it more accessible to a wider audience thing --- that would be dumbing it down, I think, to change the way Krisna speaks. Some authors write intelligent books and the books are read by intelligent people. What can you do? The work that goes into becoming familiar with Krisna's speaking style is well worth the effort - which doesn't amount to much effort at all if one approaches the book with an open mind and a belief that it's all going to make sense soon. It becomes easy to understand him very quickly. And his style of speaking is brilliant. I can't imagine the book without this, I see it as a key element to the charm and vibrancy of Krisna and his story.

If HC sees Krisna's unique speaking style as a drawback, so be it, it's their loss. Publishers used to publish brilliant books even when it meant that they would possibly be publishing for a smaller audience - at least at the onset -- that was the risk, would something catch on? Now they play it so safe that a lot of what is churned out is vanilla, vanilla, vanilla. There is so much garbage in the book stores today it's maddening!

I love this book. It's one of my all-time favorite books on or off of Authonomy, and I sincerely wish you every success with it.
- Judy

This is absolutely brilliant. William Gibson comes to mind. "A Clockwork Orange," too. I'd put it on my bookshelf immediately if it hadn't already won. I'm going to put this on my WL and read the entire thing.

HC has screwed up big-time by not buying this.

By all means, try this with other publishing companies.

I'm surprised it's not higher rated. It's a nice little read, mainly as the characters are so engaging. Your writing comes across effortless, almost casual in approach but serious in intent.

Good luck!

Stu

Barry,
I read through the first chapter and overall, I was impressed. I think you're a skilled writer with a very unique voice. Your familiarity with the locale and dialects is very apparent, and as I reader, you instill a sense of confidence that you know what you're doing and where you're going. The dialogue is excellent.

I'd like to share two related observations. Keep in mind I have only read the first chapter, so it's entirely possible that they simply don't apply as the novel progresses. The first is that although Krisna's patois is effective in that it gives you a sense of him and helps place the reader in the setting of India, I found it a little distracting in terms of the overall narrative. The related thought, and this may just be my personal predilection as a reader rather an objective comment, I felt like you spent so much time in K's head it got in the way of the action. I felt like there was a lot more telling than showing because everything is so firmly entrenched in Krisna's mind and filtered through his thoughts. Again, this may just be my thing.

Overall, however, as noted above. I think you're a skilled writer and I wish you the best with this project.

Regards,
Steve
The Dulantrin Chronicles.

Barry, This gets off to a cracking start. Love the black humour and the profound sense of the real India with its mix of standards. Good luck!

The style is reminiscent of "A Clockwork Orange," which I am obviously not the first to note. That's certainly not a bad thing. It's very entertaining and has me ready to read onward, which is why I'm adding it to my shelf with the intention to read more if not the whole damn thing.

Good work and congratulations, Selected One.

One Helluva Book!!!!!! After reading Shantaram, I was thinking that no book can come close to me and my expectations BUT, this book proved me wrong.

I just can't stop thinking about the author, being an outsider to India, how come he picked up the language and each and every intrinsic details of the trade.

A BIG SALUTE TO BARRY WENLOCK....... :) I am your fan already man. Hope the book gets published and you make a killing out of it.

Congratulations on being 'selected.'

Wonderfully lively stuff. You don't mess around with introductions - we are thrown into the deep end from the outset. Very fast paced and noisy. Wonderfully rich mix of language, even typefaces to give the sense of chaos of the underworld. Reminds me of Clockwork Orange. Well worth reading. Congrats!
WriteNow

QUOTE:-

Farrold Saxon wrote 1 day ago [reply] [delete]

Weell-deserved Congrats, Barry - Little Krisna takes me back to the 80's whe n I was in India and encountered the posturing of teenagers trying to be their idea of 'western-hip'. I have backed the book, tho' not much point now.

Wonderful story. This story seems to have a mind and voice of its own and I love it. Especially the protagonist, his sarcasm and quick thoughts are awesome. I loved how quickly you developed him and bought him to life, from the very first word. You really took a risk with the diction/speech and it worked out beautifully. This subtly but very strongly goes in depth about human nature and once again, you took a bold approach. Just going right out there and saying it, regardless of the words or subject. I can see the setting and the characters and everything; this does an amazing job at bringing the reader right it and I enjoyed reading this! *Neicy*

I read the first chapter and the flow strongly reminded me of The Catcher in the Rye. A very interesting read straigh away!

Barry, Congratulations!!!
CC Brown
Dark Side

Congratulation.

congrats on getting selected for review

As there are lots of real-life dialogues in the story, then why don't you make it more real-time and action movie-like? Say "brother, why dont' you do it?" --> "Bro, why don't yu do it man?" Good luck with all my best wishes. Wildy

I am impressed by the poetic motion of the words. The voice makes Krisna really stick out and I love it.

Congratulations! Hope to see your name on bookstore shelves soon!

Justis Call
Prestidigitations

Have a biscuit of your choice from the tin on top of the fridge... Excellent stuff!

QUOTE:
Vall wrote recently [reply] [delete]

Thanks Barry. Rooting for you!! Your book deserves to be in No 1 position, it is genuinely brilliant. Val

Sounds interesting stuff, will have a read soon and let you know my HONEST opinion. : )

QUOTE:
StephenMc wrote recently [reply] [delete]

Barry,

I have found some time to read a few random chapters of your book and must admire your ambition. You have created an interesting character to lead the piece.
The style is what stands out for me and reminds me a bit ot 'trainspotting' where welch re-created the scottish dialect faithfully and gave the narrative great life and originality.

you appear to achieve the same and for that alone I will add my backing as a contribution to your transport to the next level.

all the best
stephen

Arresting opening paragraph. You keep it up with a good rhythm. I can taste, see and smell the city. Great description.

Krishna's personality comes through in the first few paragraphs and the story has a more than authentic feel to it.
A good read.
I backed your book.

Barry,
I have just read the first three chapters of your book and loved it. It is fast paced, beautifully written and I can't wait to read the rest of it! Very best of luck to you. It's on my shelf!

Clare Costa - Eye for an Eye.

Hi Barry

I knew by the second paragraph why you occupy the top branch of the Authonomy tree. I don’t generally read books like yours, but great writing entertains regardless of its subject, and yours definitely fits that description. I am itching to read on. Your protagonist forms rapidly in the mind, and even four paragraphs in, I had a good idea of the kind of life he leads.

Apologies, but I don’t have time to read any more at the moment. I’ve backed your work already, though, and will return as soon as I can to read the rest and comment further. Your success is well deserved.

All the best

Alastair Gunn
The Nemesis Countdown

Great work! Backed with pleasure.

Michael Bethune "Unto the Least of These"

I really love your opening chapter! Krisna's 'voice' helps the reader to visualise the setting. Also, Krisna's character brings vibrance to the story and just from the first few parragraphs, you can tell that the story will have many twists and turns. I am deffinately going to read more. I would also like to congratulate you on your pitch as it grabbed me straight away and was very effective in showing what your work is all about. It can be very difficult to give the reader a real sense of what the story is like in a pitch so it is very much appreciated. I wish you the very best of luck with this. I am backing it with pleasure! Well done!

Barry,

I have managed to squeeze a quick read in, and here's a very brief comment..

Little Krisna . . . is a bit of a culture shock, but it works well. I'm not a fan of what I call over-wordy text (despite my own tendency to use extraneous words too often) but, although the narrator appears to be suffering from verbal diarrhoea at times, you don't really notice it!

There's one typo I noticed.

Chapter 1, paragraph starting,

The appeals of "Shalom, friend, just look . . .

seems to be missing a closing dialogue marker, after the first item.

Backed, and I hope it remains in the Ed Desk top spot.

Neil

So far I've read the first few chapters and although it took me a while to get my head around the use of unfamiliar slang, it eventually 'clicked' and took me along with the story which I am enjoying. This device, to me at least, gives the story a sense of intimacy and immediacy - as if Krisna's actually telling it to me himself, rather than me just reading it. Looks like this book is up where it belongs, so I'm more than happy to back it.

This book is in its rightfull place and I hope to see it made intp a film. East Enders meets Slumdog
Brilliant
Amelia

It seems strange me writing a comment on a book that is top of them all on here. As a new writer, I don't feel able to offer much except as a reader. It is a most interesting read from what I have seen so far. I have to say it isn't something I would buy for myself, but I can see the quality and craftmanship of someone who knows how to tell a good story. Congratulations on being at the number one spot and good luck with it in the future.Angela

I like the way you write, the slang and all. It really well expresses the intensity of it all. Just read the first chapter and it certainly makes you curious of what's going to come next. backed.

I like the way you write, the slang and all. It really well expresses the intensity of it all. Just read the first chapter and it certainly makes you curious of what's going to come next. backed.

Hi Barry,
Congratulations - Lovely writing, unique and individual. Your work easily deserves its place at no. 1.
Backed without hesitation.
Kind regards,
Rhonda Louise
(Wombat Sushi)

I knew that I was going to back this after the first couple of paragraphs, and I was afraid to read much further lest I'd have to read the whole thing. Unfortunately, I don't have the time. I'm reading Salmon Rushdie right now, and this sits right up there, evoking the sights, sounds, and smells of urban India, and pounded in by your language. This is one of the best things I've read on this site ... no, it IS the best, by a long margin. Great job.

BTW, it's a funny coincidence that both our books have the protagonists shit themselves right at the beginning of the first chapter.

Anyway ... Backed with pleasure. You've made my day.

Steve
(The Shot)

I couldn't get into it. It just didn't catch or hold my interest and it was hard to read and understand everything. It seemed to me like the dialogue was everywhere and very hard to follow. The font also made it harder for me to read.

Chapter 1

This is an excellent first chapter! You have captured the vernacular dialect so well and the weather description of the monsoon rain coming down from the sky "like a giant's piss" sets the mood and feel for Delhi along with the description of the different languages and the stores. I like Krisna and his story he is an original and exquisite narrator. Shelved number 1!

Julia Rush
My Parallel Universe

What a unique narrative voice and engaging first pov. I couldn't help but smile when I started reading this. It does have a sing song ring to it, and pulls the reader through effortlessly.

Well done.

"Marlboro" not "Marlbro" (he'd see this all the time and know how to spell it!), "phony" not "phoney", "Farsi" not "Parsi", "band of Ferenghis" not "...Ferenghi's", "Bare necessities" not "Bear...", and you tend to hyphenate phrases that need not be hyphened.

Structurally sound; nice pacing. I'll read more anon...

QUOTE:

Leopold Dansky wrote recently [reply] [delete]

Barry,

I just had a few moments available, so I read the first two chapters of your book. Wow! Very creative, very different. I certainly understand how you got your deserved #1 rating.

Thank you for taking the time to look at my work.

Leopold Dansky

Hi Barry,

I’ve read the first two chapters, and like others I think you have a specialist writing style. Great sense of place, your descriptions reminded me of “Slumdog Million” but not in a bad way. I mean I could see what your were describing, that is a talent. However, the slang / accent broke the flow a bit for me. I get where you are coming from with the character, and you do it well, but for me, it was a bit too much. However, the opening is a belter! It captures you straight away. I’ve backed it because I think it deserves its place on the editors desk for a read through.

Best of luck.

Sar

Wow, you have a very interesting character in Krisna. I was drawn in with he first line and I'm loving the tone; it's gritty and real and I'm backing it!