Dented Sensation

This is a delicious book! I've read the premise, pitches and first chapter and love every word. You have a style all your own and it works well. PLEASE, and I mean this sincerely so please remember this, PLEASE let me know when this comes to print. I want a copy. You have a fantastic work here and I will be back to read more before I buy the hard copy. This is a keeper. Have a great day!

- Scott Toney, The Ark of Humanity

P.s. It's so rare to find a quality and unique style like this. Once again, good job!

The first paragrah was fascinating. I loved the dichotomy - first it was but then it wasn't - but - because - but thereagain. Great writing. demanded my attention.Yes literally demanded it.

The watery plain was quite chilling in the end, one I would not like to walk across, raining or not.

Then chapter one was superb, again we have the rumination over the exact description, bedraggeled but then may be that was not the right word.

For anyone who loves reading you certainly meet their expectations.

I am impressed with the interaction between Rumen and Olivia, one who is perhaps hallucinating on his name, meanikng he has two, the other who barely knows her name. Then the two arguing as to who the beach belonged.. Loved the ending where she runs after him.

The third chapter again has this unique style of yours, where you write, 'It was dark, to be specific very dark. Just love it. The lemon was masterly, with the reader salivating just thinking of the bitterness, whilst the sucking goes well with vampire.

Very clever. To repeat myself, I am really impressed.

I would love to read the whole book. I am golng to bed in the next half an, hour, with a book which is proving to be quite boring. So much so that I'm having a conversation with my dog instead. I wish I had yours to read. Of course it would demand that I read until the early hours. :)

A Masterly Work.

I wish you the very best. I can see a publisher picking this one up. Think Booker Prize. I mean it.

Best wishes,
Katy.xx
Phobic Dawn.

22 August 2010
Off the wall, psychedelic, time warp humour, laid back but fluorescently brilliant, engagingly air--headed but with something to say, meandering and enjoyably zany. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

Wow!

What an intelligent humor, deep mind and humongous imagination! This is one of the best fantasy stories I read on this site, and one of the best comedies at the same time.

Where do you find these ideas? The characters? The plot?

Truly fantastic!

Backed with the utmost pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

THIS IS HILARIOUS!!! The voice and ideas in the opening paragraph hooked me immediately. You have a way of making the reader feel like "I don't even care what this story is about, I just got to read everything this person says."

I like that you kept the prologue short. I see a lot of people writing 5 page prologues and it doesn't work. This worked. This did it's job--got the reader to want to read on. We get a sense of character and voice off the bat. Well done and a pleasure to back. This was much better than I was expecting.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

I read this a while back and loved it and it is obvious you have edited this and polished it even more. Excellent and re-shelved for a while.

Liz
The Cheech Room

An enchanting story. Happy to put it on my shelf to finish later.

Dented Sensation
Such a charming delightful book which can easily be visualized thanks to the honed descriptions and feigned pretentiousness. You have captured a rare environment with fascinating characters, obviously, at first reminiscent of Alice, etc., (at least tin her relationship with the Pirate King, through the fourth chapter ). There is little to be said, although I might ask about the title and if the author had thought about something a bit flashier. Also, I sense a need to caution author on the overdoing of the dialogue between the two main characters. A little goes a long way to make it stay unique for the reader.
A joy to read, which I will continue to do as it sits on my shelf.
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

DENTED SENSATION
A great book that deserves merit. This is very witty and like someone else said reminded me of The Hitch Hikers Guide. you have amazing imagination! This book requires a lot of attention, it has many plots and threads. Quirky, zany and fun.
Bcked
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

I like the pitch of your story and am curious to read and see where it leads.

Shelved Dented Sensations. Your writing style is excellent. It takes good work to get away with opening with a discussion of the weather, but you have pulled it off without a hitch. I have little to add to comments previously made - so far, but will return after I've read more if I find anything worth mentioning.
G
Einstein's Road Trip [an offbeat lit fiction/urban fantasy I would really like to see your take on if your time allows. Thanks. ]

Bobby,
You have written such a suspenseful story in Dented Sensation. I felt that longing of wanting to know what was about to happen next from reading the prologue. Your descriptions are so detailed and paint such vivid images. The stroll along the beach made me wish I was there as you had described the setting so well. Backed with pleasure.

Dear Bobby,
Lost for words I can only describe Dented Sensation with one and one word only.......... Brilliant......
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

There's a pleasing sort of illogical logic to your writing. It feels a bit Douglas Adams-ish and a bit Pratchett-ish.

v playful style, and I especially enjoy the author popping up in an aside. And of course the bizarre Woolworth's mention. :)

I can see anybody who enjoys the mindbending comedy of the aforementioned Pratchett, Adams at al. loving this. So Im happy to back your book. Best of luck with it. :)

Pete

Very imaginative, compelling and quirky. Will read on tonight, as this most surely has my attention..Rumen and Olivia are great colorful characters.

all the best
sue
Fate's Chastening
backed with pleasure and assurance that this one will make it!

having time trouble with the day job so backed on strength of the Not to be who you think you are ... pitch. Will read it tonight when I can sit in the dark and no one is around me...I think I've gone another way but i won't know until I've read it will I?

regards

david
The Collector of Tales

Bobby, creative, great philosophical gymnastics. Backed. CW (To Save the Sun)

An interesting play between the real and the unreal, the known and the unknown and the inevitable struggle for power between Olivia and Rumen. Perhaps Henry's perspective is most astute, knowing he had a good time because he's still drunk, he maintains a stable perspective with striking contrast to the ever questioned state of others. The writer makes his pressence clear ( out for bread) a nice twist and an added dimension to whatever reality he uses to entice and challenge the reader's sensibilities.

A challenging book that streches the imagination, keeps the reader guessing and unwinds reality as we expect it to be. A daring adventure told with a sparkling and dry wit

Backed and Highly Recommended as a challenging read

Scorselo

A bit quirky, different, yet so compelling and a good premise. This has talent ,and the way you have threaded the humour so cleverly is admirable. Rumen and Olivia are well defined characters, your descriptions are rich, the imagination creeps into artistic creativity. I like the fantasy and this should be backed.

Backed,

Lisa

Dear Bobby,
Your opening text is quirky and weird, different - I like it! You have a grammatical error in the last paragraph of the prologue. Instead of laying it should be lying in the sand. Overall, nice work!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Yes yes, I know I said 24 hours, but Mort dragged me in and here I am.
Well first off, great stuff, when the magisterial Terry finally gives up we have a worthy successor. Meandering style engaging, events unpredictable, characters interesting, plot so far almost non-existent but heading up into the light! Loved the log turning into a Woolworths store. Very backable
Now, having got the eulogy bit off my chest (size 38C and wearing .... drat this style is very catching) I get to the nitpicks. At this point I should say that you mustn't take any of this personally as none of them alter my opinion that this is a very engaging book and is probably (give or take the vagaries of the publishing world) going to be a roaring commercial success. I did feel you were striving for laughs in the prologue - well of course you were it's a comedy, and the log point of view was very cute but a little creative writing. Still, much better than not the , least bit creative writing. You speak about editing so perhaps the next few words are being addressed to the void so to speak, but here goes
Prologue 2 'in facts' close together in the first paragraph. Replace the 2nd with actually?
Also in the first paragraph the 'being a pleasant day' is not quite right. it's the stroll we're finding impractical so remove the 'being a pleasant day' altogether. (it won't spoil the joke, I promise)
2 abouts in paragraph 3
2 downs in paragraph 4
Since a major part of the comedy is the style it has to be pitch perfect.
I loved the notion of her flesh wanting to creep away but I didn't get the impression that she feared Rumen as a dirty old man which is what usually makes your flesh creep or crawl.
Since you've done all the hard work and ended up with a very entertaining read it's a bit thick to have people come along and pick very tiny holes - but get someone you love to do it with that sort of eye and you'll not only have a winner you'll find it very satisfying yourself! All the best. Remember me when you're famous Jaye

1.
Straight away you had me thinking of The Colour Of Magic (or one of the Rincewind novels) where he's drifting at sea on the luggage. I laughed out loud at the mention of Woolworth's, (though you lost me when you had it falling down and turning into an alcoholic beverage. Ditto with the badger. Anyway, onwards and upwards.
2.
"Well?" The figure barked again. The shouldn't be capitalized in this instance.
"Oh what now? My hat?" Funny
..."Says something about you then doesn't it eh miss?" Think you should have a comma after eh, because you're addressing Olivia as miss.
...He then decided that he could be bothered and carried on... Couldn't?
"Hey! Wait" She shouted. She needn't be capitalized.
Very funny! Excellent battle of wills. I like Ruben's grudging concessions. Like when Olivia says she's going to take the beach and he just grumbles as if he's powerless.
3.
I' m assuming it's dark?
"Sounds to me as if you already did...ye going to ask it anyway?" He...He needn't be capitalized.
an airline eating utensil isn't thay clear. Could maybe expand upon this in the same way that you did with woodchip in the 80's.
"Good night kid." Should be a comma after night because Ruben's addressing Olivia as kid.
4.
Little bits of though and knowledge? Thought?
"...This here is a tree and so is that on.." Same line of exposition "...and all those ever there..."
"Ship!" Rumen exploded this point like a canon. Cannon.
frankly, or clively - funny.
"A kingly kind of pirate..." - Ditto

All in all, very funny. Reminds me of Monkey Island. Thanks for the read.

Very witty. It reminded me of The Hitch Hikers Guide. Your mind must be an interesting place to visit. I like zany - so I am happy to back your book. I am too tired to read more right now but will come back for another look. It is a book that requires the reader to stay focused, as it wanders off in so many directions that one needs to constantly ground him/herself to pick up the thread again. Well done, 'Oh Great and Talented one.'
Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

This is a really outstanding piece of work. The writing and style are wonderfully entertaining, and contain good philosphical insights. It also constitutes an excellent satire on the fantasy genre, reminiscent of Terry Pratchett. This book ought to go far

Lynne Ellison


The Green Bronze Mirror (YA ancient Roman time travel novel)

Hi Bobby, not only will I swap read, I've just gone over your work. :-) Nice, flowing style. I'm not a critic, just a scriptwriter who enjoys a good visual.

blessings,
jim
p.s. would love your comments on LONDON

You have a unique voice, wit and imagination, and you weave a great story. The dialogue and the characters are realistic and interesting too. Backed.

I wasn’t mad about the opening paragraph. The quirkiness had a little too much huff and puff in it for me. But I was pleased to see you quickly found your stride and the voice assumed an alluring alice-in-wonderlandish mischievousness. Chapter two was lots of fun and the intimate quirkiness of tone and perspective began to work much better. Made me grin a lot and there’s lots of cleverness going on.

I loved the pitch, but there's no use for the words in brackets. However, the uniqueness and creativity behind Olivia is captivating. I hope to continue reading. Backed

Kelvin
ICIRE: The Rebirth(Fantasy/YA)

The writing style immediately brings you in as a trusted friend. And like a friend, one wishes to spend a lot of time with this one. Backed with no reservations.

All I can say is you have quite the imagination! Very well-written and extremely unique premise.

Happily Backed
Denise

The narrator has obviously been adrift alone with the plank for far too long, 'Things at sea must be bad'. Indeed they must. On to the bedraggled maid (POSTCARD: unfortuitous concurrence of atoms, tatterdemalion, dragged through a hedge backwards /postcard) The girl also wrestles with words 'the trivial point of the 'ye' had been negotiated into a fine, upstanding 'you''.

We observe the exchange between Olivia and Rumen (or rather the narrator observes, much as he did with the plank) with the fervour and precision of a deranged experimental psychologist, 'Olivia's last reply seemed to have the effect that she had wanted her remark beforehand to have'. Of course, they're both quite blisteringly mad (like the narrator, and the reader) 'I was just explaining that men get lost easier then women', 'Ha. Says something about you then doesn't it, eh, miss?'

'So when does your memory start?' same as with her - is it an experiment then? 'Watch out for the vampire', or the next in the Twilight series taken to its natural conclusion? I'll allow that you write a damn fine phrase, Bobby: 'slow moving cloud of sand', 'so dank it would have probably killed a triffid', but your sense of humour is so far off the wall that it's probably kicking around in the jungle along with your story. Seriously grin-worthy though ... backed.

Possible nits: 'no one was about[,] the extremely moisturised dead tree bobbed about', BTW there's a lot of the word 'about' in this paragraph. 'lazy method or [of] transportation'. Dialogue punctuation should be: "Yes," she said (the 'she said' is part of the same sentence as what she said), "Really?" he asked. Anything that isn't to do with the 'talking' is a separate sentence, e.g. "You can never tell." He shook his head.

Well, your influences shine through. The style is still you, though, and that's a good thing. You have an old-fashioned variety of story-telling, something along the lines of the classic fantasy novels. I'm not sure how that style fits into contemporary markets but it's worth a shot. Terry Pratchet and a few others out there are getting away with it, so maybe you will too.

This story will be propelled by the characters, though, and these characters pop off the page. What a weird-ass cast of eccentrics! I think that'll be your selling point: the strangeness, the surrealism, the psychedelia.
Backed.

J. Moore
Vigilante

This is a delicious book! I've read the premise, pitches and first chapter and love every word. You have a style all your own and it works well. PLEASE, and I mean this sincerely so please remember this, PLEASE let me know when this comes to print. I want a copy. You have a fantastic work here and I will be back to read more before I buy the hard copy. This is a keeper. Have a great day!

- Scott Toney, The Ark of Humanity

P.s. It's so rare to find a quality and unique style like this. Once again, good job!

The first paragrah was fascinating. I loved the dichotomy - first it was but then it wasn't - but - because - but thereagain. Great writing. demanded my attention.Yes literally demanded it.

The watery plain was quite chilling in the end, one I would not like to walk across, raining or not.

Then chapter one was superb, again we have the rumination over the exact description, bedraggeled but then may be that was not the right word.

For anyone who loves reading you certainly meet their expectations.

I am impressed with the interaction between Rumen and Olivia, one who is perhaps hallucinating on his name, meanikng he has two, the other who barely knows her name. Then the two arguing as to who the beach belonged.. Loved the ending where she runs after him.

The third chapter again has this unique style of yours, where you write, 'It was dark, to be specific very dark. Just love it. The lemon was masterly, with the reader salivating just thinking of the bitterness, whilst the sucking goes well with vampire.

Very clever. To repeat myself, I am really impressed.

I would love to read the whole book. I am golng to bed in the next half an, hour, with a book which is proving to be quite boring. So much so that I'm having a conversation with my dog instead. I wish I had yours to read. Of course it would demand that I read until the early hours. :)

A Masterly Work.

I wish you the very best. I can see a publisher picking this one up. Think Booker Prize. I mean it.

Best wishes,
Katy.xx
Phobic Dawn.

Okay, so you establish from line one the voice, the humor and wordsmithing game.
By the end of chapter one, all the reader has is the narrator’s POV, nicely wrapped into its Pandora’s box.
In chapter two you decide to treat us to a well balanced dialogue and quiet good “showing.” Those few readers braving your style (me being one) are drawn into the story…just like your characters into the forest.
In 3 the rambling goes on, the narrator insist on “telling” (maybe he thinks his readers are dodos) and by the end he remembers that the story might need some tension…voila the vampire.
Ch 4 holds on to the established path, only that dialogue becomes less confusing (or maybe I got used to it).
Let me tell you something my friend…in my opinion you’ve got something here but you must find that daring agent/publisher willing to chance it. Toning down the noise you’re making purposely and letting your voice get established might help this work. You’re trying too hard to impress and beware you don’t lose the reader.
Some editing could help this work a lot.
For the smiles it brought to my face, I’m backing it.

Bobby Newlyn-Jones:

You start your story telling us that it is a good day for a stroll. The very next sentence you start telling us why it is Not a good day for a stroll. (This is an oxymoron) Its sometimes okay to use those, but it appears out of order here. You spend and intire paragraph disproving your first sentence.

It appears that you are writing in narrative form hoping to flush out your characters. Unfortunately, it comes across much too wordy. For example; "That is not to say, however, that it was rainy because that would be lieing." You want to trim the fat from the sentence so that only the inteneded message comes through. We know from reading this sentence two things. The wetness did NOT come from the rain and that the MC don''t like lying. I believe that the same message could be conveyed with less words.

Consider: Leading off with the truth. It WAS NOT a good day for a stroll. Then tell us why. You might put in that the MC was not one to lie in a lead off as well. Exampe: It was NOT a good day for a stroll; lieing about it would go against everything I was taught." Certainly this arrangement may not be to your liking and it is far from perfect, but I wanted to show how you could reduce your words and get the intent ed affects.

Go through the script and cut out the fat! This will make for a better read. (Backed for encouragement)

Ida L. (Silent Storm)

You are obviously an excellent writer as well as being a total original! To be honest, this isn't a book I'd buy - might be the age thing - I'm too set in what I like and what I don't. But I feel sure that there are a lot of people out there who will love it and am therefore backing it for its publishing potential.

DENTED SENSATION
This is fun and very witty. Will not appeal to everyone - but their loss. Nicely written and on my WL for a spin on my shelf
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

Funny, witty, made me laugh, made me think. What else can I say here? Excellent, the writing, the dialogue, the plot that moves fast, not bogged down by anything. If I could back it ten times I would so here's my small and humble backing.

Your prologue is amazing! Taking something completely irrelevant as driftwood and using it to paint the scene is genius and executed so well. You use it to introduce your character and start the story and it really couldn't have drifted better. Your characters are great, the angry pirate is funny and alluring and Drunken Henry, though I haven't met him yet, promises to be a great character. I found this very hard to stop reading. To be honest I told myself that I was going to stop at the end of chapter 2 for the time being and then the mad pirate says, "watch out for the vampire". What? Who the hell is the vampire! So I read on and finished another chapter and I still have no idea who the vampire is! Very frustrating, but brilliant. This I will happily back and read on.

Strange start. Difficult to tell where this is going but you are a good writer. Backed.

What a hoot, Bobby. I would think Dented Sensation is perfectly pitched at a readership looking for for a bit of fun in life. Backed,
Scott.

Hello Bobby. Finally got around to reading a few chapters of 'Dented Sensation'. It was great. Thought your characterisation of Olivia was excellent. Yes, your quirky nature in narration / humour is notable - but can work.
BACKED .
Have you had time to reciprocate and look at Paperbat Adventues? Thanks.
Jerry [paperbat]

One of the few books so far to actually make me laugh. Very well done I hope you get time to read my work and bank if you think worth it. Any coments are appreciated. "The Dead Pool"

22 August 2010
Off the wall, psychedelic, time warp humour, laid back but fluorescently brilliant, engagingly air--headed but with something to say, meandering and enjoyably zany. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

Backed Dented Sensation. Interesting way to open your story. It’s almost like, “If a tree falls in the forest, is there any sound if no one is there to hear it?” This is different, but quite good. Best Wishes.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Dented Sensation is a blast. Thoroughly backed.

Jason
Gateway to the World of Light and Shadow

I really like this. It has humour in spades and is very appealing. I have only read the prologue and chapter one but it's well worth a long lingering read through.
I'm backing this, for sure!
Well done... and best of luck!
Best wishes
Suzy (Raven)

Dented Sensation - I've read this before on my first go-around here with Authonomy. Just giving a little bump. Glad you haven't changed the start of chapter 3, It was dark. Still makes me giggle.

Good luck to you, Bobby!

:-) Summer D'Vine - Blood of Summer, Shed for You

Very funny and clever. Immediately engaging and enjoyable. Backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

I really liked the humorous tone in your pitch, which made me look at the story itself. Great job on the characterization and the sensory details! And good on the intrigue--I'm wondering where Olvia came from and why she can't remember anything.

My only nitpick is that there's some missing commas--in phrases like "I'm Olivia, by the way" and "Do what, exactly?" But I think that's an easy fix.

Backed!

Love it!

Lockjaw

I like the long pitch. I think you write with a genuine flair, the humour is well placed and written. Backed.

Chase

Bobby,

First of all, your avatar is awesome so 'Johnny Depp', it had me scanning through your book. The writing is awesome. Now I am hooked and I will have to try to read further. I did just want to make a short comment.
Your description is wonderful. The premise is gripping. There is an air of mysticism....my favorite. I will try to comment more as time permitsw.
Backed!
Great Job!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Dar Bobby
I just loved your long pitch the first time around...I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK
Denise