1985

I am backing this as I like the way it is written and the dialouge is good. I have only read the first chapter but I am sure I will read more as I have the time.
Take a look at my book, Three Stayed Home a WW2 adventure and love story, in need of some help.Hope you might oblige. JohnJ

Backed with pleasure! Jocelyn E. Morris (A Bore No More)

Why do all the best writers find authonomy impossible? This is the sort of thing that shoud be on that bloody desk. Briliant. Backed. Lynn

Believe it or not, i liked this alot.

It seems cleverly written, with could characterisation, and reasonably fast paced to keep me interested in a genre i don't normally go for.

I would definately read 1985 in its entirety.

BACKED

Wow this is great! I was hooked instantly. Dialogue is great and so is your characterization. Happy to shelve.

Melissa

I love a good social satire, especially involving Wall Street. Your dialogue is tip top. Love the conversation about toothpaste. "Didn't they teach you anything at Oxford." I believe there were some lectures on tube squeezing but somehow I never found the time to attend." HAHA. Greatness. WL.

I read the first chapter. This is a smart, literate read but I thought you could cut down on the paragraph length. It killed the pacing. Also, I think the first chapter is too long. You want a short intro chapter to drag in the reader.

Both pitches are bloody brilliant and spot on.

Starting the book with dialogue? Well, I don't like that but you're writer, you know what is best for your story.

SHELVED! I do look forward to your comments on my book and possible backing if you deem it worthy enough. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

Love the tone you set from the start. I think Nicholas's dad is related to my mom - she gave me a hard time when I lived with her after college - of course I couldn't last the six months Nicholas has. He seems to have it all - a trust coming in, able to drive his fathers Jag, a mom that takes care of him. You're able to switch POV effortlessly between Nick and his father. Kate proves to be quite an interesting character - her proposal - actually both of them - really make things interesting. I'm hooked.

God, someone appears out of the blue and backs your book, then you take a look at his, and you realise it's one of the best things you've come across on the entire bloody site. I actually felt I knew Nicholas and his mother and father by the time I'd got to the end of what - had this been a published novel - would have been the end of page 1. I'm not going to patronise you by regurgitating the things that made me laugh, but this is GENUINELY funny. My novel's about 34th at the moment; yours is 351st. If there were any justice in the world, it'd be the other way round. But hell, this is Authonomy. Who said anything about justice? Bookshelved with pleasure.

Ha! This really does have a Wodehousian feel to it. Especially with terms such as 'old stick'. I love cracking dialogue and you are an expert at it. Thank heavens I'm still able to find the odd cracking read here. I thought they had all dried up.

Accomplished , witty writing... Pages and pages of sparkling dialogue ... I haven't seen this much dialog since Dashiell Hammett . Maybe some of us who've read/written film scripts tend to do it this way? But your prose is impeccable too.
Perhaps it feels a bit old-world and Englishy in Chap One --- but I realise this is setting it up for the contrast to the Staates, so that's probably your intention ...
Lovely work, Oliver !

I wrote a longish review on this - saying how it reminded me a bit of one of my favourite modern writers, Julian Barnes, but with its own fine story and style - and I complained about the glitch which has made many sentences suddenly disappear into the ether (please fix it). I listed a few choice paragraphs, and said that it's refreshing to see a story about a father/son relationship (slim pickings on that theme nowadays, due to the 'other sex's' turn at dominance in the literary world.) I said a whole bunch of stuff which would have delighted and informed you, but the bloody review disappeared when I pressed 'save' and the 'save' didn't happen. The upshot was that I shelved this. Excellent work.

Hi Oliver. I discovered your other excerpt and then realized ou were probably promoting this one. You are gifted with providing full characterization through dialogue. You have the desireable contrast between the calm Mrs. Lightfoot and her anxious husband. You have I see you ask to receive suggestions. I recommend having more descriptions of character actions in the first scene of chapter 1. I also recommend having less backstory in scene 2 of chapter 1. With that said, your backstory contineus to make your progatonist 3 dimensional. Excellent description of Kate. Interesting you used the word, "tits" and "ass, yet remarked that Yanks are crude. Quite grand to have Kate emasculate Nicholas by paying the bill. Overall, highly marketable and tight writing. Shelved. Good luck. Janet Marie

Oliver, what an absolutely wicked book! I've only read the first chapter, you have recaptured my years in England, you've given me fresh insights into the relationship of parent to child so that I'm reviewing my parents and my children, it's all completely delightful Not a word wrong.

Shelved, and it will stay WL'd so that I come back for more.

The author of 1985 admitted in a thread that he was a great admirer of Evelyn Waugh’s style. Certainly almost every bit of the first two chapters reflects this.

Some episodes, such as Nicholas’ preferring an Oxford Third Class degree to a Second could have come straight out of Brideshead revisted, but this is far more than just a pastiche or a transposition. This is high quality, observant, and entertaining writing in its own right, taking the eye of someone like Waugh and applying it to the equally absurd excesses of the 1980s, highlighting the hubris which is only now, almost a quarter century later, imploding all around us. It takes the decade of Reagan and Thatcher and links it to the ghosts of both the future and the past.

Even Mr Lightfoot’s desire to get rid of his parasitical son, while echoing Charles Ryder’s father, predicts the dilemma of parents today whose children still can’t afford to fly the nest.

The character sketches, while all to some degree grotesques, are entertaining and illuminating. There are some wonderfully preposterous names. I love Lucas Legend. The unsentimental; likening of a baby to a terrier, only worse, is also engaging. There are plenty of good one liners, e.g. the lament that “America is absolutely crawling with (yanks)”. Also the debunking of pious platitudes as in:

“Sexiness has always , really a matter of attitude”. “And tits.”

Elsewhere we find unlikely poetry. E.g. on the electronic trading floor “a polyphony of busy brains humming the daydreams of hungry youth.” The descriptions of Oxford ring true, except that, putting on my pedant’s hat, The Sheldonian, being freestanding, does not “abut” anything.

Sometimes the author gets a bit carried away by an aphorism as in “Englishmen have really solved this nettlesome problem (by sending their children away to school)”. Since we’re talking about c. 5% of Englishmen here is seems a bit much, especially from the narrator. Perhaps “England’s governing classes” or something similar.

While Kate’s reasons for wanting to shag Nicholas seem believable enough, a proposal of marriage does seem to take things a bit far, for a successful woman in the late 20th century.

The description of LA also works well.

This is impressively and entertainingly written, and deserves in my view, a lot more readings and shelvings.

Am happy to do what I can to amend this.

Dear Oliver, as a reader, I feel in very safe hands reading 1985. Your writing is very accomplished, witty and engaging, and a satire on the financial world couldn't be more apt - although it is depressing to think it has taken the best part of quarter of a century for the world to wake up to the consequences of 80s extravagance. Smashing writing and on my bookshelf. With many thanks, Andrew (author of BIG FISH).

Oliver, this moves along at a brisk pace, amusing characters and wry observations. I wonder whether you use dialogue a bit too much to move the story on but I suppose that comes down to personal choice. I'll put it on my shelf for a while.

Hi Oliver,

I read your first three chapters.

Nic and Kate, what a hoot. Then Mike and Jack. Man, you can write!

I am so impressed by your ability to put so many interesting, complex characters on the page in just three chapters.

Your descriptions are vivid. For example, 'flashy and decadent as December strawberries' or 'pensive blue eyes, honey-blond curls and the kind of moist, pink cheeks which go well with . . .' You make people, places and things come alive. Masterful, Oliver.

Your crisp dialogue seems authentic and drives the story and is entertaining as hell. You've done an excellent job of giving your British and American characters dramatically different voices. You'll need to correctly punctuate your dialogue (see below).

Your humor is superb.

Your pacing swept me up and held my interest throughout.

Some suggested edits.

"I don't know why I spent all that money sending you to school when they can't even teach you elementary manners. Good Lord". Period goes inside the final quote mark. There are more cases of this type of problem in your first three chapters.

"I believe there were some lectures on tube squeezing", said Nicholas. Comma goes inside the final quote mark. Same thing with "I'm going to have to do something", said Mr. Lightfoot. (comma goes inside the final quote mark).There are more cases of this type of problem in your first three chapters.

A modest sum to be held in trust for the boy until he reached the age of 27. Spell out numbers 1 to 99. Same thig with 'Nobody could explain why he had settle on 27 as the age. There are more cases of this type of problem in your first three chapters.

"I do wish you could get him the money soon" said Mrs. Lightfoot. Comma after 'sooner.'

These are minor lapses and didn't interfer with my great enjoyment of your story.

Good luck with this book which I have backed.

Al

PS: Might I ask you to read and review SAVANNAH PASSION?

I used to think I was very fussy about what I put on my shelf. The problem is, everything I seem to read at the moment is so well written. Yours is another one. Your scenes are realistic and you leave us in no doubt as to whether or not you know your subject. Very visual.
Your characters are very well created and we already feel that we know them – even if we don’t like them at this time.
This is a very professional piece of writing. Are you creating a script from this? I can’t make too many comments as I have not read more than 3 chapters.
Although not something I would continue to read as I like to empathise with my characters – I am very character driven and so far have not found your MC’s likeable – I think this story deserves a place on my shelf because of the quality of the writing.

I love the title, I have to say, and the pitch was great. I was a little wary of a social satire on the 80’s corporate world, because I don’t think anything will ever beat American Psycho but…. ‘the adam’s apple torn between hunger and speech’ – that’ was enough to catch me.

Then I started hoping your book doesn’t get published before mine, because people are going to accuse me of stealing my MCs family from your MC’s family. But I love authentic family bickering. Can’t be helped. And the reference to his son as ‘the uninvited guest’ is wonderful. I am no longer worried that this is out to be American Psycho. This is feeling more like Wodehouse. And anything that can make me think that has to get a place of my shelf.

Posted a recommendation on the forum. Good luck!

I love these characters (and their name, Lightfoot—so apropos and ironic at the same time). The first scene is delightful. Fresh and natural dialogue and tension between the parents, who are either bitching and moaning or talking about the middle east, and Nicholas, who answers such concerns with "pass the chutney." Ingenious.
Your prose flows well, and you have just the right balance between scene, dialogue, and conflict here. I was pulled in from the first page.
A number of profound truths, like the problem of men marrying late, when they've become accustomed to being dreary. Oh, and I laughed out loud at some points, like the comment on young people once being babies.
Here's some nit-picky comments:
• You sometimes have long bouts of narration. You might break them up with some dialogue to keep the reader pulled into the wonderful tensions between characters.
• The period goes before the end quote at the end of the sentence. That's the only helpful criticism I have

You get room on my shelf!

Just finished chapter one and can't stop smiling. I can picture the characters, I can hear them. Your style of writing appeals tremendously and your humour is just superb. I will of course read on, but in the meantime, I have to back you. Thanks for producing something so refreshingly amusing. As I've maintained elsewhere, we need more humour, and this fits the bill very elegantly.
Best wishes
Faith

Hi Oliver, I have read some of this. Well written, I quite enjoyed it in parts, but got a bit confused when you began talking about the lightfoots. I have a habit of ignoring pitches and therefore didn't know who the lightfoot's were until I went back and read your pitch, then reread the beginning. I think you should consider adding a line about the lightfoot family all sitting down for dinner or something to avoid confusion.
Other than that, will watchlist this and come back for more when time permits.
Feel free to ignore my comments if you don't agree with them.
Regards,
James

Dear Oliver,

1985 is now on my bookshelf.

I seem to be accusing the whole of Authonomy of over-writing. Don't laugh. It'll probably get me into trouble.

Nice pitch. I chuckled at the bond salesman, because I could see plenty trouble coming. Reminded me of Jeffry Archer.

Brilliant synopsis. But then I'm going to hit you with 'superfluous words'. I would love to tweak it and make it even better. Cut it back by 30%, deleting all the superfluous words. Make it short, sharp and stunning. Give it air by dividing it into paras, line spaced between each.

OK, just my thoughts. I tend to edit lean and mean.

Right from the opening sentence, your writing goes well. Singular style. Good interplay between dialogue and action. Thought some of the narrative was too long. Slowed the flow.

I liked the character driven parts a lot. Would pare the narrative.

As a matter of interest, have you had any literary agent comment on your stuff?

Go well with your stuff. I'm having a sabattical from rewriting at present. Got editing on the brain. Edit everthing I see. Can't help it.

Hope to see you around.

Kind regards.

Pierre.

Dear Oliver,

It's me again. Pierre. Have just left a message on Untitled. What a cheek, calling your manuscript Untitled.

Have watchlisted 1985 too. Will read Cinderella first. Probably both this week.

Put that champagne bottlle down, boy. You gotta write.

Have fun. Many thanks for your visit. I am in your debt, sir.

Pierre.

Ah, Curmudgeon - can't believe I overlooked this. What an arse I am. Some off-the-cuff points as they occurred to me (forgive the anal nature of some):

- You often have final punctuation outside of speech marks (e.g. ' "... Good Lord". '). I've done the same myself on many occasions, but it's wrong, wrong, wrong. Elsewhere (probably because it seems more sensible), you have a '?' correctly positioned within the speech marks. Consistency and accuracy: two concepts of which, as a chap who knows a thing or two about life, from what I've read, you would otherwise appear to be a fan;
- "tooth-paste": hyphenated. Really? Liked the toothpaste bit otherwise;
- good interspersing dialogue with the food commentary. Deftly done;
- "axing a poppadom": great choice of verb here. Innovative and onomatopoeic. Love it;
- you've captured Nicholas's irascible pa very nicely in this opening chpt;
- some other lovely pairing of words: "most egregious blunders"; "tactful donation";
- "sweet natured" needs to be hyphenated.

Persuaded by Keefie's comment to flick through chpt 2, I did so. Glad I did (for Cindy alone) - great, fast pace to it. You've certainly done enough to warrant (forgive the weak pun) a place on my shelf. But I was wondering about a storyline. Where is all this amusing stuff going? I think the question raises its head more from the very lengthy opening chpt. I think it can be condensed. Chopping the odd para here and there (I did it to chpt 2 of 'Pistols', on the back of Authonomy recommendations, and it *does* read better) would make the really funny stuff shine even more. I also think you should cut chpt 1 in half and break it up into two chpts. It *is* a long opening chpt (I can talk), and an impatient reader like me might get turned off and miss out on all the good bits coming later.

Best of luck with this, Curmudgeon - and when were you a porter at Worcester? - sestius

Funny and well written. There is a good mix of tease in the pitch, and the opening doesn't disappoint. I'll be back to read more.

Curmudgeon - just got to the end of Ch 10. One thing puzzles me. I think it said earlier on that Nicholas had to live with his parents until he was 27 in order to qualify for the inheritance?

Other than that, wonderful stuff - will you be uploading more?

Oliver, this is fantastic. Chapter 1 is wonderfully old-fashioned, Wodehousian fun. Beautifully-written, smooth-flowing and polished. One typo in Ch 1, the first occurrence of Northampton has one h too many.

Chapter 2: yay, love the meaningless (to me) trading banter. Wonder where this is going...

Ch 4: you've got an 'and and'. And I wonder why dressing gown is in quotes.

On my shelf.

You have a real gift for language. Your writing is very good and your humor is priceless. I got caught up in a couple of very long paragraphs, but that might be me. I love your characters and for me, it was a visit to a different world. Very enjoyable. I'm putting it on my shelf.

Came here looking forward to the prospect of reading chapter two in detail and noticed that chapter 1 has been considerably redone. Or maybe it hasn't and I'm just more in the mood for reading it this time. Anyway, my impression tonight is that the story really flies and that the banter is scintillating. Can't work out why you're only ranked at 206 when you're on 15 bookshelves. Not only do you deserve more but this site seems to have a weighting system for calculating its rankings that I really don't understand.

Have to read chapter 2 another night, family commitments call.

Hi,

There is some very good stuff here and the style is also very good but maybe wonders back and forth a little too much. The humour hits the mark and the characters are endearing but I feel there's a little (and I really do only mean a little) too much meandering from the storyline. Personally I think the story could do with a bit less of the dad at the start (but don't cut him out altogether - he's fun) so we can get into Nicholas's story, but I see that somebody else loves the dad and wants more. What do I know?

In any case I feel that this could be very good with a little tightening up. I'm bookshelfing it and will definitely be reading on.

Oliver,

I read some of this a few days back, and it seems I forgot to write a review.

I was drawn by the pitch. This sort of thing interests me. Bring on Gordon Gecko!

OK, so while the first chapters were well-written, they also meandered, and after a while, I was wondering when we were going to get to the meaty bits. So my main question is this: I'm wondering if you've started the story in the right place. I think you should start it much closer to the time when Nicholas arrives in New York, and gets into trouble. Up until that point, I think I would keep the lot in Nicholas' POV.

Thanks, Rancid, for taking a look. If I could be half as funny as EW I'd die a happy man. I've decided, though, not to put up any more until my bookshelf score gets up to 21.

Kate - Thanks very much for your generous praise, I'm thankful that you persisted through the digressions and very glad you found it amusing. You are such an Authonomist, I see your name everywhere! Thanks, also, to dear Bluestocking of Dorkismo fame for recommending me to you!

Hi Oliver! Maria (bluestocking) sent me your way with high praise for "1985" -- which I find entirely justified.

I'm kind of at odd ends for what to do for criticisms! It is a slow-paced story at first -- or rather than slow, I should say that it's digressive on the front end -- that gives lots of little payoffs along the way, pop-pop-pop like a string of firecrackers, entertaining us while you put the pieces in play for what the main thrust of the story is going to be. At the end of chapter 8, we still haven't technically started in on that main story! BUT! In a literary satire like this, I think you can get away with the character-building and set-piece scenes before running into the action, as long as they're funny -- which they certainly are.

Some of the humor is very, very dry, and some of the humor is very, very broad (HAHAHA, would you like to read the latest issue of "Parvenue" before investing in some lovely CRAPS?), and I loved all of it. The little character touches were spot-on and priceless, across a WIDE variety of types. ("As for me, I shall take turns with both your tubes and everyone will be happy. Tra la la." -- heh heh, that was the line that initially won me over!)

So let me know if you post more! Oh, and since you "figured out what I wanted and gave it to me," a quick vote for you ;) !

Curmudgeon,

Thanks for your ongoing support. You're on my list, bro.

Can I just say I rather like the title! And the cover looks great.

Agree with the comments on the slow start but am really enjoying it so far.

Get cracking pushing that screenplay!!! Talk of a sequel to Wall Street in the news here in the UK this week.

You're very welcome, oldcurmudge :) And I could equally be wrong about the commercial appeal, what with everything going on in the financial world right now. So don't be deterred or discouraged by that. Also, I hope you're not deterred or discouraged by the fact mine is Sci-Fi - many people who don't read sci fi at all have really enjoyed it. But in any case I'll welcome your views whichever way they lean. Best of luck with your book.

Thanks, 4D, for your comments – I do appreciate you taking the time, especially given your antipathy to the subject. (And let me say I think you’ve been extraordinarily generous with your attention to your fellow authors on this site). You may be right about the commercial appeal, alas. When I read most of what’s been put up here on Authonomy, I do feel a bit of an anachronism. Unfortunately, people don’t really seem to want the kind of books that I like to read and write any more. Still, since I’m doing it for fun rather than profit I don’t feel too badly about it! I will certainly try to return the compliment in the next few days (although I have to say upfront, just to preserve the symmetry, I’m not a big fan of Sci Fi, with one or two exceptions).

Kaychristina, I’m so glad you liked it. I guess I should deal with the slow start issue, most readers feel the same way (but, I know this is very unprofessional, I’d rather get on with something new than clean up something I’ve already done). Thanks for the comment on the cover, too – the handiwork of my wife, who is a pretty hot designer.

I did write a screenplay version and register it with the WGA. It’s a little different from the book, overall better, I think, with a scorching ending. It’s still set in the 80s, but the parallels with modern times would be too obvious to miss. (In any case, from what I’ve heard, the final script very rarely looks much like the first draft, so may be better to let the Rewrite guys do the updating!) I’d be ecstatic if you’d care to look at it.

Rancho Hollywoodland sounds terrific. I’ve often thought, from those movie people that I’ve met (which is quite a few since I live in LA), that Wall St and Hollywood people are very similar in a lot of ways. When are we going to get a looksee?

Anyway, thanks again for your very generous comments.

Oliver, just read the first chapter and have to say I'm drawn in to this. There's enough foreshadowing to know we're off to a more exciting universe in bad ol' New York, and I want to know what happens to Nicholas, and especially to Kate.

I agree with a couple here that it IS a slow start - even though well done. Bit too long on the backstories, what Nicholas's father thinks, does - could be broken up a bit, maybe shorter paragraphs. A few too many, I think, that could maybe be woven in later? I love the bits about Mrs Juggins! One thing, I had to check that Mr and Mrs Lightfoot are his parents, as you suddenly refer to them by that name instead of 'his father/mother', so I wonder if their names could be introduced earlier? As in something like "His father, the venerable Charles Lightfoot...." I know, too, that we see it's Nicholas's name from the blurb, but easily overlooked or forgotten as one starts reading the story, and even if you do remember that's his name, it could be there's a relative at the table!!

Then there's all the backstory on the inheritance... I think you say enough in the dialogue with Bogbrush and Kate, you know, and that section is brilliantly done. As is Kate's sudden, vulnerable request to Nicholas to take her home to bed. That's so well done.

Your book's cover art is terrific - I'm not sure about the title, and you asked me about filmic possibilities? I'm sure it's here, but I'm wondering if a snappier title would help with that - as well as selling the book. You immediately think of the "1984" film, or even if not, it's not "history" really as it's not so far back, and readers might think just a bit old-fashioned. Something like "Manhattan Transfer" springs to mind for being catchier! Also, with "Wall Street" the movie done and dusted into Oscar history, I'll have to read on to see if you can update the story to more recent times - unless you're thinking of doing that? I think movie people would definitely be interested then - a modern version of "Wall Street"?? Are you kidding? They'd bite your hand off!!

Anyway, I've watchlisted this for the mo, and will find a shelf space for you as soon as I can, Oliver. I'm very drawn to this.

My best to you for now, from Kay

All right you old curmudgeon ;) I'll say up front that the financial world both bores and utterly mystifies me. So I kind of expect a book that thrusts its protagonist - and me along with him - into it to do much the same. So all credit to you for defying those expectations and spinning a good and wittily told yarn. It does take some getting into, mainly because of a lengthy biographical exposition in chapter 1, and possibly that's acceptable in a literary work - I have seen it before - but for me it makes for pages that I have to get through rather than pages I can just relax and enjoy. Your dialogue is first class and your prose - when not doing the exposition shuffle - is never less than interesting. There are some formatting issues in Chapters 2 n 3 but that may have been a result of the upload here and not in your original document. All in all thank you for pleasantly surprising me with this. I wonder about the commercial appeal, but again that may be my bias against the financial world talking again.

Lubchek, thanks indeed for your comments. The plot is very relevant to what is happening in today's financial markets. All-pervasive greed, and our universal worship of wealth and rich people, is at the bottom of both stories.

Are you going to put up a book that I can look at? And who on earth is D Raymond Hobart, author of Snapping Hog?

How , Timely,Beginning,s amazing , I cannot wait to finish it,and how will it parallel what is happening now?

hi, have just read this first chapter and there is a lot to praise in this. The humour is nicely understated and has that ease about it that comes from the privileged classes. The voice is excellent, clear and intelligent and the characters, though a little stereotypical do come off the page.

However, it is bogged down with far too much author intrusion (tell) in the first chapter - it falls into the 'setting the scene trap', with Mr Lightfoot musing about Gerald's childhood, the inheritance and his life. All of this could be cut, and introduced in small snippets. Get him to America as soon as poss, as that is where the story really starts.

I think this deserves more reads, despite the pitfall i mentioned above - so gonna shelve this for now (will rotate it with others) to show my support for a great voice and intelligent writing (the conversation about the Katherine not suiting a bank but marriage was terribly sexist, perfect for the mid 1980's!)

Thanks, Robert, will do.

Hi Oliver - I'm enjoying this story - it's easy to read and from your blurb it promises to be a real page turner. I'd be wary of the start of it though, as I felt it was a little on the slow side.
An agent will have as little as ten seconds to read the first few lijes and if they don't grab him or her, then it's a rejection. If I were you, I'd play around with the beginning - even add a prologue as a teaser of what's to come while making sure it's relevant. Just for the sake of the book!

Hope this is useful - best of luck with it - it's definitely something I'd buy!

I have added you to my watch list, and will come back when I have more time.
Thank you so much for your very helpful comments on Feast of the Antlion. Very helpful.
Always so difficult to decide what to cut and what to leave.
Caro

I've read the first three chapters and have added this to my shelf. I agree that the start dragged a little but once the real story and the important characters kicked in, I was totally gripped. I love anything Grisham like, law related, so this is just my kind of book. I'll watch your progress with interest, and shall be back to read more once you've posted more here.