Brahma's Twilight

Apart from my husband, Barry (thank you for supporting his books!) I don't know any writer who has invested so much of their life in India. And in 'Brahma's Twilight' it really shows. Your knowledge of, and passion for, the country, its culture, its religion, and its people really shines through. 'Joe' has told me you're in the process of a rewrite, so I wasn't really expecting much. And, having read some of Krishna and the Bihar Boys last year, I must admit to some initial disappointment. For me, the story only really came alive with first Pretty, and then Sangita. All the mythological 'gods' stuff in between rather went over my head, I'm afraid - even though I grew up in India, it sounded a bit dry and 'preachy'. BUT the wealth of description, and the powerful narrative voice, of this (rather long!) first chapter had me enthralled. You're being particularly brave, getting into the heads of 'sexually exploited' women here (a subject I teach at uni; it's very close to my heart) and I can't wait to read how Sangita's story pans out.

It's only a suggest, but I would start the book with her story.

Pleased to BACK, with high stars.

Andi Rinke

Barry,

Brahma's Twilight is truly a book that brings out soul - your spirit and clever mastery for description has resulted in this beautiful piece of literary read which should be given its due credit. It is amazing how you have lived in a country and studied its culture so much - your book should be rated 5 stars for its content and writing!

Backed of course!

Romilla
Forgetting Sally

Your talent for writing is clear to see. You have a deft touch with words and an ability to describe which propels me into 'seeing' what it is with little effort.
India must have a spell on you, how else could you write so lyrically about it. Absorbing and unique stories which are beautifully told, original and thought provoking. I only comment as a reader and I didn't waste a moment of my time with this work. Shelved of course. Margaret.

Barry -

I'm even more impressed now that I've had a chance to read both your books. This is lyrical, and touching. I like the storyteller, telling women about women . . . very very nice. Shelved (of course).

Sessha (Shinobi)

Hi Barry, I savored the build-up of atmosphere, the fans creaking like ghosts... Then the performance was wonderful, the modern stories with the interludes of Indian lore. The focus on women, Krishna and karma told with them as focus, is illuminating. The way this is written is so remindful of Indian writing, explanations like the "power of words..moonlight and then clay bricks" so pleasant to read. That their ancient culture is present in the modern woman's world and that Priti and Sangita can still be abused and suffer violence is presented within their boundaries and yet with the storyteller's depth. I found this extremely readable, the material having the dramatic backdrop. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Laith, you're right about there being abuses by Indian women too, however this was not the theme of BT, which concentrates on the relationship between Indian men and women. I hoped that the section entitled 'Oil' would indicate that families (including women) were involved in abuse. Also the Maoist who beat Tara was a woman. I felt it was clearly Sangita's mother who pushed her into marriage (as much as Mr. Giri) and it was the women's taunting voices as well as her husband's cruelty that drove Sangita from the village. Also, Tara's pimp was Kamila, another woman.
Anyway, thanks for the vote of confidence and my best wishes to you, Barry

I have given this book 6 stars for your writing, but there is an aspect of Indian society you appear to have completely over-looked. Indian family orientated culture is actually one of the most matriarchal in the word. It is more often the matriarchs that arrange marriages, and are hardest on young women that don't measure up. Most of the people in India charged with so-called 'stove killings' are actually step-mothers. A culture of fearing and revering women is therefore probably justified.

I have given this book 6 stars for your writing, but perhaps more emphasis in the matriarchal aspect of Indian family orientated culture in the short and long pitches, especially with regard to the way matriarchs take the hardest line with errant young women.

Backed.

Apart from my husband, Barry (thank you for supporting his books!) I don't know any writer who has invested so much of their life in India. And in 'Brahma's Twilight' it really shows. Your knowledge of, and passion for, the country, its culture, its religion, and its people really shines through. 'Joe' has told me you're in the process of a rewrite, so I wasn't really expecting much. And, having read some of Krishna and the Bihar Boys last year, I must admit to some initial disappointment. For me, the story only really came alive with first Pretty, and then Sangita. All the mythological 'gods' stuff in between rather went over my head, I'm afraid - even though I grew up in India, it sounded a bit dry and 'preachy'. BUT the wealth of description, and the powerful narrative voice, of this (rather long!) first chapter had me enthralled. You're being particularly brave, getting into the heads of 'sexually exploited' women here (a subject I teach at uni; it's very close to my heart) and I can't wait to read how Sangita's story pans out.

It's only a suggest, but I would start the book with her story.

Pleased to BACK, with high stars.

Andi Rinke

I'm sorry it took so long for the return read. I enjoyed reading your descriptive writing very much. It is very important for a reader to see the scene the characters are interacting in and you do that expertly. High stars. I wish all the luck in the world.
Jennie Lyne Hiott
Hearts and Lies

Hello Barry-
'Brahma's Twilight'

Brilliant book, brilliant writing, so descriptive right from the start.
All aspects of the country's culture so well researched;
Turning out to be a deep and absorbing read indeed.
'as in western ways, where all women sleep in the nude' Do They?(joke)
An amazing story that gets my six stars.
good luck with it

Tom Bye
From hugs to Kisses'
oblige and glance at mine please'

This reminds me of Omeros.

I just realised I haven't read this, so I'm here to rectify that unforgivable lapse. :)

I think this is every bit as impressive as Little Krisna. You really bring India to life. I can almost feel and smell it as I read your work. I think you have a wonderful knack for description.

Your writing evokes so much flavour with this piece. I think India itself is just as much a character as Pretty, Sangita and Tara.

How can I sum this book up? A heartbreaking story, but a wonderful one. :)

I'm happily giving this 6 stars right now. Please do let me know if you get interest from agents/publishers. I'd love to hear the great news if you got this published. :)

Best wishes,

Pete

Dear Barry,

As an Indian, I am impressed. You have an in-depth knowledge about our culture, heritage and traditions. To interweave a story, oscillating between past and present is a rare gift.Apart from a couple of nits like Malaba (for Malabar) and neither-or(in place of neither-nor), the narrative is enlightening as well as intriguing. I though that if you are armed with such powers of knowledge and skill, the book could have been longer.

I have endavoured to bring out some of the values of Indian culture in my own book but Brahma's Twilight is in a class of its own.

All the best.

Jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

What a wonderful story. Having Hindou friends and the priveledge of attending their daughter's arranged marriage the story rings so true. I am a firm believer in re-incarnation so will definately come back and read more of the this book.
Thanks
Red

Backed Brahma's Twilight . You have captured the essences of India with your skillful writng. We found it hard to follow at first until we found the direciton the story was going and got into your style of writing. Hope you will check out our books and comment.
Cc Brown

Dear Barry,

You have done what seemed impossible, you made me attempt to try and understand Eastern Religions. The world is a wide place and there one can recieve wisdoms from all cultures, they all have something to share. I pursued your book with hope that it would sustain my interest and it did. There are no problems with my perverse and absent understanding of those religions, I just have tried but pantheism makes me uncomfortable. Thank you.

Billy McBride

Barry,


I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style.

Why?

Because there are several styles.

There is moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same urgency....

..... and that you deliver.

Then there is the post modern confetti style first popularized by Foster Wallace/Eggers and of course, rap.

.....I do this...I do that....I think this..... I think that....

whose purpose is to create a balletic effect, a jumping from opinion to opinion that are thrown confetti-like on the reader,

.....so as to create an "all over effect" or "an instant frame"

.....the writer saying: ...here...take it all at once

....the way an abstract painting creates an "all over effect" on the viewer.

Then there is the fragmentation of scenes, the going back and forth between story telling's

You are one ambitious story teller!

Some of my favorites:

"nicotine yellow"

"The protection lamp...."
This entire paragraph is expertly served...

"Out across the ocean...."
The juxtaposition between the ocean and the audience....is sudden...and because it is....it illuminates

"This is the time for the singing...."
wonderfully lyrical....

"it's economy is growing like a good...."

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

Mu biggest concern is with the fragmentation of the narrative....it jumps from place to place....but I am sure as the reader moves along it would prove to be a plus rather than a minus.

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, I applaud you for the size of your ambition

david

hello, thank you for the backing of 'The World Blinked.' I read a random chapter, which turned out to be chapter seven. very evocative. it got me to read further, or since i had already jumped to the middle i should say it got me to read a little back. your writing seems very personal and knowledgable. the time spent abroad has paid off in your work. eventually got lost reading backwards, i will look at it in a more conventional manner and comment again.

Hi Barry,

This is very well written but alas the style is not to my taste, paricularly the present tense. The story is fine though and I'm sure others will find it more appealing.

Good luck with it.

Ron

Ron

Great pitch. Will read more later.

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

very entertaining. I don't think you need yet another writer telling you what might be wrong with this - there isn't much wrong with it at all.

Barry,
The first paragraph is poetry. I quite envy the phrase "maleficent wanderings" wish I had thought of you. Your writing transports me to a land far away quite effectively and reminds me of M.M. Kaye and her tales of India
Backed with pleasure.

Sharon Van Orman
Eve, an Eden's Exiles novel

Bowled over by another well crafted novel... shall comment after a few more chapters. But so far I find it delightful.

Mary

Barry, I've just finished the first four chapters of Brahma's Twilight. The story so far is engossing and well told - I love the narrator's voice. It's very distinctive, and raises an obvious question - are the sequences involving his interactions with the audience strictly necessary? (Of course it might be too soon for me to ask this; the storyteller's own world might become crucially important later on.) You should also have another look at your opening sequence. Some writers on Authonomy use long sentences and struggle to see the necessity to break them up with appropriate punctuation; you have the opposite problem! You have used too many commas when you could get away with using almost nothing. Have a look at some of Iain M. Banks's work, where he occasionally strings out some enormously long sentences with next to no punctuation.

Overall, though, well done!

Barry, I thought I'd read Brahma's Twilight. Very nice smooth prose, unsurprisingly! And quite an education in itself. Tradition is dying - in some cases it is a good thing. I will put this on my watchlist, because I want to read some more.
Marilyn Rodwell

This is a good book. I'm sure this one is on it's way too!!

I’m not one for prologues, so I began at chapter one, after all I believe a story should start at chapter one. Not to do that reminds me of the writers circle, when a writer felt a need to explain before they read a short story. So how did you do? In fact hallway down the first page I was into the story, I liked the build-up of the different locations and was hooked to read on. You have a unique ability to capture your reader. My only suggestion is the some of the names could benefit from a bracket after the word showing how to pronounce it correctly. To read and pronounce correctly gives the character an immediate personality. Dargarma

Beautiful writing. Everything you describe comes hauntingly to life and pulses with vitality and design. Generally I assess how good writing is by how jealous it makes me. Off now to change this green outfit for something black and sultry.

Beautifully written book . I like the fact that the story teller's audience was all professional women and only came by word of mouth. That shows great research. Backed.

Very nice read, Barry. You have a talent for description, and if you don't write screenplays, you should.
Backed!

Suz

Thanks Barry, good to know you are absorbing the story. As the book progresses i do use a fair bit of dialogue, especially when i become a Madame later on in the book.
Will be starting Brahma's Twilight later on today
Tallulah xx
p.s looking forward to reading about how you depict the Brothel

Wow! This really is something! I'm hooked on reading this already, although I haven't got very far yet. I will continue to read and I will be backing this without hesitation. If you'd allow me to quote you, I just love the part where you say:
"... Are we really any more likely to achieve ‘enlightenment’ through sweet perfume than the odour of shit? Surely God is in both. And is he there, in the temple and absent from the brothel? In the water, but not in the whiskey, in the youth but not in the corpse?”
Those are some particularly powerful images and provide a lot to think about.

Tess
Shards of Glass

You have a way of creating imagery that I know many would kill for. You manipulate your words into clotting together and bringing out something you want. Really, this pitch blew me away. You have quite a gift (or an incredible ability to learn). Either way, I also want to praise your storyline. I don't think there are enough books out there on this subject. It speaks in a suppressed manner, but an irrefutable one nevertheless. You truly have a work here to be proud of. I only have had time to read a little so far, but will be back for more.

Backed without hesitation!!

If you get a moment, I would really love it if you would take a look at my YA fantasy JHEVALIA. I am young and the world of writing is definitely new to me. I know my book would benefit from a run-in with you.

Thanks for sharing your story with us...

Laura
"Jhevalia"

Barry,

Brahma's Twilight is truly a book that brings out soul - your spirit and clever mastery for description has resulted in this beautiful piece of literary read which should be given its due credit. It is amazing how you have lived in a country and studied its culture so much - your book should be rated 5 stars for its content and writing!

Backed of course!

Romilla
Forgetting Sally

You write well...that's 2 books of yours I've looked at, enjoyed and backed with pleasure. Good luck. Lizzie Scott :-)

This work is very accomplished. Obviously written by someone who knows the culture and area well. I've only had time to read two chapters but will keep coming back I think. Shelved.
Plagarma

I don't know whether this works, Barry. There's so much of the classical Indian mythology which you have to impart that we have to wait some time to identify who the MC is going to be.

In the first section it's like reading the actor's notes for a play. Perhaps appropriate for the occasion but stretching the reader's cooperation.

When the stories come, they are beautifully done and given you're a man, the interaction between Pretty and Sangita is delicately drawn.

Delighted to back it but reservations about its structure. I am probably wrong and just need to consider the whole when it's complete.
Lara
Good For Him

Hi Barry,

The descriptive quality of your narrative writing is top notch. It painted a vivid picture, as it set the scene and mood. Keep up the good work, and happy writing.

This sentence is really long (run-on), and would benefit by being pulled apart. NOTE: There is a lot of good information housed in this single, sentence paragraph. It would be a more effective read (smoother) if reworded into shorter sentences. (Watch for other long/run on sentences - as they don't read as smooth.)

At the back of the room, a huge fireplace, the ridiculous, homesick folly of the original owner (a fireplace…in Bombay?), was replaced in the nineteen-twenties by a large alcove in the wall, in which now, a tiny projectionist, with the face of a permanently startled hare, crouches, nervously fingering his small tray of six cardboard mounted Kodak slides and strums them like a deck of cards, checking and re-checking that they are correctly ordered and positioned.

Watch your transactions, as there are some areas where they could be smoother. Especially, since you pay attention to so much detail.

You are a very descriptive writer, which paints a solid picture. Your narrative voice keeps the reader updated, but I would have liked to have seen more dialogue in this. It would have shown the reader, rather than tell them.

Over all, very nice!

Hi Barry.

I love the lyricism of your writing. It puts me in mind of texts such as the Bhagavad Gita and Siddhartha with it's beautiful lilting flow.

I like the way the very opening of the book reads a little like a script, setting the scene so well.

I haven't had the chance to finish the whole thing yet but I look forward to doing so.

Lots of luck with your books, you have an interesting style which I think many will find appealing.

Jo G

Barry,
Just a couple of comments :)
I love your style of discriptive writing:
"the power of words is undiminished, but whilst once they were soft moonlight, interpreted by imagination, emotion, and intuition; now they have hardened, solidified like clay bricks in the hot sun of reason and advanced technology".
However, for me the chapters were a little over long...sorry.
Millie x
Backed!

Hi Barry...I've backed your book and thanks for the message...Cliff

Barry,
Your writing is wonderful--I love the setting you've depicted, the way India comes alive through your words, and your characters are touching and easy to relate to. I'm happy to back this. If you have the time, please check out Silver Flows East by E. Yazykova. She writes in quite a different genre, but she has a wonderful ability to imagine and create worlds, and I think you might enjoy it.
Best,
KL

Barry, I've had a look at your two books and I like Brahma's Twilight, so I've put it on my watch list until I can read more. All the Best,
Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

Brahma’s Twilight.
The prologue aptly describes the Anglophone, middle class urban world of South Asia’s hello-jee’s in their “carnivalesque” setting, that develops in the succeeding chapters.
The painting is a superb device. Interspersed functional Hindu deities through the lyrical narration sits the work next to Rushdie’s, Chandra’s, Baldwin’s, Seth’s to mention a few.
That does not detract an iota from the fine penmanship, authentic characterization, streamlined povs and the presiding narrative voice that resonates of India.
On occasions, one does stumble across a tacky piece of writing on India, but this offers stiff competition to South Asian writers in English – was bound to happen, anyway!
BTW would a female be Sri or Srimati?
Backed
Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

The writing is gorgeous. I like how you start with a direct comparison of the decay of a once lavish house. The scene is set, with a sad undertone, and then the story starts. Mystical writing! Backed.

I am wondering if these three stories correspond to an Indian 3-tiered goddess? Or some other mythology? It's a unique premise and wonderful writing. BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Barry, the characters are compelling and there was something special about the pace, it drew me in by supporting the setting and atmosphere--keeping the pace on point. I wish you the best
I loved it.
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Hi Barry. Brilliant book. Love it. An amazing insight into India and the complexities of its life and people.
Thankyou. Keep writing! Sue

Dear Barry, I just discovered that you have this 2nd book. It's as amazing as your first one - into the culture of India, behind-the-scene drama. Amazing that you have so much detail. :) Since I have a short attention span, my only difficulty was with your longer paragraphs, as I tend to read 1st & last sentence of it & miss the middle, when overwhelmed. You may want to cut them in 2 or more for an easier read so you don't lose your reader. Great book with hooks to make me want to keep reading & reading. :) Your blurb, of course, hooked me immediately. Hope you'll back/comment my 2 books. Love, Susie :)

Hi Barry,
The prologue didn't grab me but the story did. Shelved.
A zoomer

A very different book. Much to be learned about indian customs etc. Very well written and worth a backing.
There is akso a river, aboatman and an evil dog in Greek mythology. If we study various mythologies, including the christian bible we find the same stories in each.
Hope it does well
David (Flawless Murder)

This work isn't in a genre I usually read, but I must say I am impressed. Your powers of immersion are extraordinary. If you've never been to India and walked in places and seen people exactly like the ones you've described here in crystalline detail, you've fooled me. It seems to me like you must love this place--it shows through everywhere in the writing, in such a wonderful way, to make such a foreign (to me, anyway) place feel so very much like home. Them's good writing, as they say. Shelved! :)

Meg

You have a great voice here - The story telling really pulled me in and made me interested. I saw a few spelling errors like Bicycle in the beginning of chapter two but still great work.!

Barry,

Although this isn't a genre that I gravitate towards, I am nonetheless impressed at your art of description - this is the area that I struggle with the most, and usually end up with blurry characters doing exciting things on a white background.
You, however, paint the picture in such intricate detail that it is impossible not to feel a part of what is happening. And for that, I commend you on your wordcraft.

MK.

"For without a place, a destination, a meaning, 'leaving' becomes a terrifying experience, a journey into the void of death."
Brilliant. Read the first chapter and already love the plot. The imagery is great as well. You create vivid pictures and images in the reader's mind with your writing. Looking forward to reading more

ElleKay