River Dream

River Dream – What a delightfully simple and beautiful read.
Poor Michael, I loved his logical reasoning. Wasn’t it obvious to Rhiannon too?
If friendship was this good, wouldn’t love be better? Rules! What rules?
Where do they come from? Little girls and their little rules…

Sorry, mate. Got a little carried away there. By the way, great writing – simple and lucid. The voice is exceptionally clear and strong, the characters are brilliantly fleshed out, and the love-story innocent and refreshing. Like a slice out of real life.
6 stars to ‘River Dream’, and I look forward to reading more soon.

Best regards,
AGC

i really love your cover. it stands out. the silouettes and beautiful sunset really caught my eye. i love that youve got a cute, simply, love story here. i already want them to end up together and i only read the first chapter. one thing i do think would benefit your book is if you talked a little more about michael in the first chapter. you mentioned a little more about rhiannon and we get a clear sense of who she is, but i would have enjoyed a bit of a better description on mike. other than that, i really enjoyed what i read.

hoping to hear feedback from you!
melissa :)
Gut Instincts
Not So Sweet Sixteen

River Dream
I only had time yesterday to read three chapters, wow what can I say!! Gripping, thought - provoking and ultimately heart warming. I liked Rhiannon, and Michael, but saying that all the characters were believable and had they own voice. So well done.
Katjay - Hens from Hell
I will be back to read more sometime soon.
Lots of stars - to be backed.

This is beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and wish you the best of luck with it. The first chapter alone made me smile so much, it is incredibly nostalgic and I especially like that it is written from the male PoV, as these stories are mostly seen from the female's voice.

Backed with ease and pleasure!

Laura
Beneath The Blossom Tree

River Dream has such an innocent quality to it. A romance story for the young adult audience with a boy narrating is something the reader doesn't come across every day. I love the way Mike describes Rhiannon. It's clear he has great affection for her. The bookcover is beautiful and I was drawn into the story from the opening paragraphs as I like the perspective of a boy in the ninth grade describing a young girl in such an admiring way. He paints a lovely picture of her for the reader and his feelings are conveyed very well.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

I read all of this extract and thorougly enjoyed it, except for the sad bit. You made me cry. That is a compliment as you have the characters well contructed and very sympathetic.

One of the things I particularly liked was how Mike came off as a very regular boy in the first few chapters. I then discover his is very wealthy and can look back in retrospect to see how unaffected he was by the money.

I am not quite sure what to make of Rhiannon. I can see her point of not wanting to wreck a friendship by turning it into a love interest. I also got that she wasn't ready for a simple boy/girl relationship. She wants him for escort duties at dances, etc, but that is all. She doesn't seem to have the same feelings that Mike displays for her. Of course, part of this might be because they have been raised very much together and she might think of him more as a brother figure.

Is Mike in love with the idea of love? The hormones are coming into play and he adores Rhiannon, but is adoration love? He is also attracted to the dying girl and is very caring of her. He is devastated when she dies, to the point of tears. He also doesn't let on to Rhiannon that he did have these feelings, or established a close connection. A first kiss is a huge milestone in the life of anyone. I guess one girl is pushing him away and the other was interested.

Does Mike have any male friends? He seems a tad isolated in that respect, even at camp, where he gravitates more to the girls, although he is doing boy things like sailing, which is more of a solitary pastime, rather than a team thingy. Mike is a very sensitive type of guy and I feel he is going to get hurt because of this. I would also like to know if Rhiannon knows Mike is rich? I get the feeling she doesn't.

I would say this is going to appeal more to girl readers because of the romance and the sensitivity. No big dealy there as I happen to think girls are more likely to read at this age than boys. I have three grown daughters and were they teens, I would have bought this book for them. I think they would have enjoyed it a lot. I know I would have read on if you had more chapters available.

Highly starred and it will go on my shelf when I have a space available. I would imagine this will occur at the end of the month, or at least I hope so for the sake of those two authors. I can see this sub sailing through the charts in very short order. It was a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing.

River Dream – What a delightfully simple and beautiful read.
Poor Michael, I loved his logical reasoning. Wasn’t it obvious to Rhiannon too?
If friendship was this good, wouldn’t love be better? Rules! What rules?
Where do they come from? Little girls and their little rules…

Sorry, mate. Got a little carried away there. By the way, great writing – simple and lucid. The voice is exceptionally clear and strong, the characters are brilliantly fleshed out, and the love-story innocent and refreshing. Like a slice out of real life.
6 stars to ‘River Dream’, and I look forward to reading more soon.

Best regards,
AGC

i really love your cover. it stands out. the silouettes and beautiful sunset really caught my eye. i love that youve got a cute, simply, love story here. i already want them to end up together and i only read the first chapter. one thing i do think would benefit your book is if you talked a little more about michael in the first chapter. you mentioned a little more about rhiannon and we get a clear sense of who she is, but i would have enjoyed a bit of a better description on mike. other than that, i really enjoyed what i read.

hoping to hear feedback from you!
melissa :)
Gut Instincts
Not So Sweet Sixteen

River Dream
I only had time yesterday to read three chapters, wow what can I say!! Gripping, thought - provoking and ultimately heart warming. I liked Rhiannon, and Michael, but saying that all the characters were believable and had they own voice. So well done.
Katjay - Hens from Hell
I will be back to read more sometime soon.
Lots of stars - to be backed.

You have a good little romance here. There was a couple of things I noticed:

Employing logic making sense.....(located toward the bottom of chapt 1) doesn't make sense.

I saw a couple of comma errors in chapter two.

Also, the conversation going on at the dance....it didn't seem to produce any tension, or give any new information to propel the story forward. Is it really needed?

I've learned that sometimes I have to cut out some of the good stuff, because it just doesn't push the storyline further along. Take a look thru your manuscript and anything that doesn't push the story forward, or provide needed details, needs to be cut. Editing can be brutal!
Just my humble opinion! It's a nice story and you write very good. A person forgets she is reading because the story flows smoothly. Unlike some stuff you can read on here!

Let me know when you do your rewrites (if) and I'll read it again. Thanks for putting me on your WL. I hope you enjoy my story!
Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

I don't know much about writing for this audience but from what I can see, you seem to do it very well indeed. A comfortable read with nice clear characterisation.

I'm sure this will do well - am starring it now and will find space on my shelf soon.

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Hi there.

So sorry for the late return read!

I love your cover. This to me screams romance and defintely not young adult. I love that you've chosen something different for what is a very saturated genre. Your pitch reads well. Perhaps an overuse of the characters names, but that's only my preference and I'm no expert! Which leads me to disclaim my comment but saying, please ignore anything I say that sounds like utter tosh!

CH1
'A clap of thunder drowned out everything' - the out anbd everything feel the wrong way round to me
'Once Rhiannon made up her mind her mind was made up' this felt a touch repetitive

I like your first chapter. It provides a nice backstory for us to get to know Michael and Rhiannon. It does feel a touch info-dump like, and I was confused it the May 1976 was when they were playing pinball, or the main section when they were fishing?

The amendments to your chapter headings - (formerly part of CH1 etc) - do you need these still? Seems a bit like redundant info that new readers (like me) wouldn't really need to know...

The beginning of CH2 felt mildly confusing, only because so many people were introduced in such a short space of time. Do we need to know all of the backstory on them e.g. Hans? I'm a little unsure as to ages in the US grading system, so I'm not sure how old they are in this scene? 14? Only ask because 5"6 isn't really that tall for a girl....I was execting her to be like 6feet tall

Your chapters are the perfect length for Autho. I like the pace so far too. It's clear where this is going, but I'm finding myself wanting to read on to see whether Rhiannon will eventually wake up and see what's staring her in the face!

Ch3 (also noted that there was no year header for CH2)
Nice chapter. I'm guessing Christy Ann has an illness of some kind? I do find it hard to believe I'm reading 13 year olds though. The narrative and dialogue sounds very mature and for some reason, in my head, I'm seeing 17-ish year olds here. No idea why.

CH4
Nothing to say here. Really well written. Again, it all feels so mature for 13year olds!

Ch5
'Fery Vunny' - typo or on purpose?

Ch6
The beginning reads a bit odd for me, probably because Michael's not actually in the room, so I'm wondering how he knew exactly what was said between his parents? I like the reveal about Michael's money, though it did feel a touch longer than it needed to be.

This is very well written. I've said it already, but this simply doesn't feel YA to me at all. It actually reminds me a little of Nicholas Sparks, which is a very good thing.

Really well done and a sprinkling of stars

Silva
x

Nice first chapter and introduction to the story. Love the mention of the pin ball machine. An original idea that is being executed well. Not too many of those on here, good luck with this and I hope to see this do well! Many stars for you!

Best,

Ashley

Love it.To me this has shades of The Notebook and Forest Gump. The relationship between Rhiannon and Michael is sweet and tender and innocent. Well written, a simplistic beautiful style. Cover is great too :-) Are you ever going to upload more? Tammy

This is beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and wish you the best of luck with it. The first chapter alone made me smile so much, it is incredibly nostalgic and I especially like that it is written from the male PoV, as these stories are mostly seen from the female's voice.

Backed with ease and pleasure!

Laura
Beneath The Blossom Tree

River Dream has such an innocent quality to it. A romance story for the young adult audience with a boy narrating is something the reader doesn't come across every day. I love the way Mike describes Rhiannon. It's clear he has great affection for her. The bookcover is beautiful and I was drawn into the story from the opening paragraphs as I like the perspective of a boy in the ninth grade describing a young girl in such an admiring way. He paints a lovely picture of her for the reader and his feelings are conveyed very well.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

I love the simple, well-written opening paragraphs. Your writing has a great active flow to it. In fact, after two chapters, I'm impressed with your talent.

Michael is instantly relatable. I remember those days well. On more than one occasion I was in love with my best friend and she didn't return the feelings. You establish their relationship well. This is a timeless story, and one I'm enjoying so far.

Along the same lines, there's some great voice in here as well. Loved the line: "She did look great in a bikini though." You've done a solid job capturing the voice of a teenage boy. Also liked: "I don't know where she kept getting those rules from but it was pretty clear she wasn't going to the dance with me."

Perfect ending to chapter one. Although, I'd cut "I found that rather ironic" as it tells us what we already know.

For me, the second chapter wasn't as strong. There were a lot of characters and it became a little dry hearing about their relationships. Is there a chance we can get to know them through some form of conflict? It would help keep your reader engaged.

Suggestions: I'd avoid the repetition of "dance" in "Though we weren't technically..." This is probably more personal taste than anything, but I don't like how you describe the hair and height of every new character you introduce. For me, it doesn't really add anything. If it were me, I'd give a detail or two that differentiates him/her from the other characters and move on. I'd leave more to your reader's imagination.

Typos: Should be: "When I'd told her this she wrinkled her nose and said..." You have a backwards quotation mark in the paragraph starting, "Eric looked at Hans and Hans told him..." Other than that, this is very well-polished. Nice work!

This is a well-written, nostalgic opening. I'm already attached to Michael and Rhiannon and can't wait to find out if they end up together. Highly rated!

This is good stuff, with great potential, but then I'm a sucker for high school romance! Your first two paragraphs are great - you characterisation is really good - in fact this is true of the whole chapter. It's really atmospheric too with the storm and the pinball machine - within a sentence or two I was right there with them.
A few suggestions to make this even stronger: I don't think you need to say "the red-haired, green-eyed" (note hyphens) because in the next paragraphs you go on to talk about the red hair and green eyes. Same with "it's also when I began falling in love with her" - you're about to show us that. I also wonder if there's a bit too much backstory before we've really got into the story - I was tempted to skip over it because I wanted to get back to the now you had drawn us into so well. Also, while I as an adult loved "I was in love as only a ninth grade boy could be", if the audience is YA then I think that might pull the reader out of the story and remind them an adult is writing this. They might also feel a bit patronised? 
It's good stuff though. A thirteen-year-old me would definitely have taken this home from the library after reading the blurb and the first couple of paragraphs (not least because it's written from a boy's perspective - oh to uncover their secrets!).

Great ending on chapter one! This story is getting better and better the more I read! Can't wait to have it on my shelf...should be today. And I will leave it there! 6 stars! And thank you so much for backing Rotten Rotty, having someone of your stature back my book is very pleasing :)

Hi,

As promised, I'm here to have a good look at your book. :)

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;)

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered:()

Chapter 1: I like your relaxed conversational writing style. I think it makes your book fast to read and easy to get into. :)

1 tiny suggestion. I sometimes think you don't need to explain as much. eg in "I slapped the sides of the machine in frustration..." you've already painted the perfect picture of his annoyance, so I don't think you need to tell the reader he's annoyed. If you wanted to emphasise his reaction, you could just up the stakes a bit. eg I think "I kicked the machine..." would show his frustration well without needing any extra explanation. ;)

Reading on... Sounds like a hell of a storm. Oh dear. Mike's in love with Rhiannon despite being stuck in friend territory. That can never end well :(. He really does seem smitten, though, from his descriptions of her. Poor boy :(.

Hmmm it sounds like Mike's only realised his feelings gradually as he grew up with her. I guess that explains why he's stuck as a friend in her eyes. I think you do a good job of filling in the backstory between the 2 of them. I like the dialogue between them when Mike tried to tell her his feelings. It's v sweet and really sounds like kids. ;)

1 tiny suggestion, though. I think you don't need to explain the dialogue. eg in " "Why not?" I asked, perplexed..." we know he's perplexed as he's asking a perplexed question. And in " "I am not," Rhiannon protested..." we know she's protesting from her words. In these instances, and most others, I'd just use "said" as a speech tag as it's a simpler, more transparent word that doesn't take any focus away from the dialogue. Your dialogue's great. Let it shine on its own merits. ;)

Reading on... Wow, it looks like Mike got shot down a few times. He's persistent, I'll give him that ;). I can almost feel his irritation at these invisible rules. I almost laughed out loud when Beth advised him to ask Rhiannon out at the end of the chapter. ;)

Chapter 2: The dance. I liked the slightly awkward dialogue between Mike and the new kids. Again, it sounded real. i think you've got a real ear for dialogue. I'm jealous grrrr ;). I think the descriptions are good and fit well the age of Mike. eg having the blue eyes reminding him of stormy skies is a perfect descrpition for your audience to understand + it might hint at Hans's character. I love the mulleteers nickname too. ;)

1 tiny suggestion. I think, in some places, your story might be even more vivid if you could find ways to show more and tell less. eg "Feeling a bit awkward at being noticed as a stranger, Juliet replied..." is you telling the reader she feels awkward. It's a bit like lecturing the reader. If , instead, you wrote something like "Juliet shifted in her chair, eyes wide as a startled deer. "I... I guess..." etc..." you'd show the reader her awkwardness. The reader could then infer she's awkward for themself, becoming even more involved in your story. ;)

Reading on ... Poor Mike. Even gossiping away, Rhiannnon finds time to snap they're not going out. He must be really fed up of those words by this point :(. Good banter and interaction between all the kids here. V natural. The tensions between some of the kids really through in your writing. I enjoyed Juliet putting Greg in his place ;).

Wow Mike kept asking Rhiannon out for the next 3 years and getting turned down. This is obviously no passing phase. I wonder if Hans's advice at the end of the chapter's right. Will she ever see Mike in the way he wants?

Chapter 3: Oho Mike meets a girl who's actually interested in him for a change ;). Christy Ann. Good for him. Hmm Christy Ann seems needy, though. + there are odd warnings from Rachel about the new girl. I wonder why. Is there some secret about Christy Ann? Mike doesn't seem to mind. By the end of the chapter, he plainly likes her and v much liked being kissed by her, but his heart's still with Rhiannon. I suspect that may change, thought, the longer he's around her. After all, he's not used to being around a girl who actually shows affection towards him in such a way.

OK I just noticed how long this comment's getting. Sorry, I think I got a bit carried away. I'll sum up, and then stop now. :)

I think there's a lot to enjoy in your story. The characters are all well drawn and feel real, as opposed to the cardboard cutouts that populate some romance novels. The dialogue's v natural and believable. And the story of frustrated childhood love is 1 pretty much everybody can sympathise with.

I've rated your book as highly as possible, and do hope you find an agent/publisher. I think there's a large audience out there who'd love to read this. :)

Best of luck,

Pete

Hello, have had the chance to read the first three chapters of River Dream and found it very well written and well paced with likeable characters. I like Rihiannon's insistence on friendship and felt empathy for Christy Ann. Only query on what I read so far was a minor point about whether Bart would bawl Rachel out in front of Michael and question her "ability to do her job". Felt a tad strong for the circumstances. Otherwise, a thoroughly enjoyable read. 4 star rated. Regards, Kerry M (Her Soul To Keep)

Cute story. I have backed your book!

Cute story. I have backed your book!

BW,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same lyrical quality....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is the endearing tone with which is told. Wonderfully lyrical in tone and description, the dialogue setting the frame for a psychological map of your central character's that carries on in ebbs and flows, as he goes reconciling the attraction with the concern, the wishes with the pauses....

......and he does his grace shows.

Some of my favorites:

"Eric's medium brown hair...."
This entire paragraph is your personal best so far...descriptive, full of tonality...

"the three mulleteers"
I am smiling...

"cute, of slightly crooked smile"
that's very endearing

"Rising early the next morning....."
another personal best, for the same reason

"I searched my heart"

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

"return the feeling" "a bit awkward"
I would cut a bit on the emotional labeling
Why?
Because when the writer labels an emotion, the reader reads ...the label
when he uses body language to describe...the reader feels

"definitely green" "frustrated sight" "wonderful idea" "confused smile"
I would also cut a bit on the modifiers
why?
because as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

“River Dream” is such a beautiful title!

The combination of auburn hair, “red headed” temper and emerald eyes in the character of Rhiannon is simply ravishing!!! Michael is also a likeable character.

After reading the pitch and a few chapters I have to say the following:

First, “River Dream” is an intoxicating read, with ‘he-loves/she-doesn’t-but-actually-secretly-does’ combination.
Second, this story is a solid proof that there can’t be real frienship between a boy and a girl. In any case either part is going to fall in love with the other.

Such books as yours, DW, is an irresistible appeal to me, and I give you six *s with sincerest pleasure!
And of course I go on reading it.

Ivan
The Beholder

backed!!!!!

A sweet tale of young love written with great clarity. Michael is a a gentle and straightforward MC. He knows what he wants and he keeps on trying to get it. All the characters sound a little older than I recall thirteen year olds sounding. One line attributed to Michael after Christy Annes death 'It made for a very subdued camp experience' could never have come out of a thirteen year olds mouth. I think there is too much detail in where we people sat or who sailed with who. Later I dont really think we need to know so much about the layout of Laney High. I think you should keep the focus on the two main characters and how they behave together and look after each other. Michael could be a bit more distraught when Rhiannon keeps turning him down, a bit more jealous of any other boys. I think there should be more emotion in the interchanges a bit more teenage angst.

Have 6 starred this and added to our WL which means you WILL make our shelf in the next (+4) round of backings (its 12pm for us). Check our comments trail if u want to confirm this and do feel free to chase at ANY TIME to know exactly how long till ur going up...

I had time to read from chapter 1 through to 3, and thought this was a lovely story thus far. Michael is such a nice character, a perfect MC, instantly likeable. Rhiannon is also a good character, her persistence that Michael and her only being friends no doubt is going to lead into trouble when both her and Michael start dating other people. I also liked Christy Ann, but I've got a feeling that she is sick, possibly with a chronic illness, maybe cancer. The way Rachel was being overprotective of her, and Christy Ann's tiredness leads me to believe this.

I don't have any suggestions for change as in regards to your story as I just went with the flow and enjoyed what I read. There was only one grammatical thing I noticed regarding the usage of commas in dialogue. You need to have a comma on both sides of a name in the dialogue if they are speaking to that person. You've done it with some, but not with others, eg. "You're a jerk Michael," Rachel said... *Place the comma after "jerk."

That's it. An enjoyable read with lovely characters and an interesting storyline. Kind regards, Marita.

The title: Very interesting. I like it.

The pitch: My suggestion: Jill pops in out of the blue. I actually wouldn't name her, but just say make it clear Michael gets into a relationship with R's best friend. If you query this, I wouldn't end it with a question. Really, I need to know what's at stake? See if you pull a little more voice into it, along with Michael's character arch. How does he start off? What does he learn/want? What does he DO to get it? (Obviously, he wants Rhiannon)

Overall: This is a really warm story, with sweet undertones. I LOVE hearing the guy's perspective! Sweet! I LOVE it isn't all about raging hormones. Michael is a GREAT guy!

Now, I do a partial line-by-line for the first chapters. Typically, the suggestions I make are things that need to be taken into consideration throughout. Please, take my comments as suggestions only, with a grain of salt. Or a shot of tequila.

Here are the notes I took while reading:

CHAPTER ONE:

NIT: The rain came down so hard... (instead of was. try and lose unnecessary "was" verbs. go for the hard verb) The rest of this sentence is nice.

NIT: change to: I could taste it (comma) but then

NIT: lose "as I" "as he" "as they" where you can. (i.e.) I grimaced. Rhianna laughed. (Believe it or not, and according to master writer Stephen King, short sentences pack a lot of punch).

Nit: change to: On nights like this nobody fished.

Second and third paragraphs: Both are heavy in backstory and "telling." You could show how he feels for her by getting into his head. (I.e.) Rhianna's laugh always made me lose my breath. (Describe it). Could you work in some dialogue here? Maybe bring up fourth grade somehow? Make these two paragraphs more active. Could she touch his arm? Maybe her touch sends shivers down his spine? The work in the sixth grade conversation WHICH is sweet and great.

LOVE: the dialogue.

Nit: Oh (comma) we're not going out. He's my best friend (comma) but Lucky for me (comma) today she is. It's all right (comma) Mike.

Personal pref: combine things like she will into she'll (it sounds more natural for speech.

NICE WAY TO END CHAP. ONE!

Chap Two:
same things to watch out for as above. some commas, some backstory that could be more active...

First sentence is a bit awkward for me, I think. I'm getting a little bit hung up on it.

I don't know. Maybe you could start this chapter off with something like: I've always tried to find replacements for Rhiannon. Take the summer after seventh grade I went back to Camp Riversail for the fifth time. The summer I met Christy Ann.
We met at the end of the docks, where on a clear day you could see (etc). That day Pamlico sound was the farthest thing from my mind.

Nit: watch for tense changes. (ie) Sailing has always soothed me. is in present tense. This needs to be past!

Chapter Three;

Perfect way to start! And the strongest chapter, technically speaking.
It paces well. A few needed commas, but no biggie! Plus, you have another sweet ending.

I'll be back to read more. In the interim, I've read the first three chapters, starred (5), and will keep this on my WL.

Only read the first two chapters due to time constraints. Very easy to read. Backed and rated.

Cat
Lies & Love

interesting depiction of teenage life in the 1970s; should appeal to the nostalgia market.

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

DW,

I like the premise and your first chapter is well written. I also enjoyed how you start the book off with pinball. I gladly backed this book. Thanks for the read!

- Scott

P.s. Have a great day!

A well written teen romance. True to life characters. Vivid dialogue that is age appropriate. Perceptive narrative. Poignant scenes. Compelling twists. An immensely enjoyable read. Backed.

The mature way you depict your teenage characters is impressive and as a teacher I can tell you that they would appreciate it. They would also appreciate the fact that your writing does not condescend to them but treats them as sophisticated and mature reading themselves.

BACKED

An engaging story, well written and free from errors. Well done and backed, Marj.

Hi DW

I really enjoyed this! Very unusual subject for a man to write about - instead of the usual crime, thriller, sci-fi etc. You write sensitively and well. I'm glad your teenagers are not the usual imagination, manners and sensitivity-challenged brats that I see so much of on this site. The relationships between them and their different personalities and the differences between boys and girls are depicted with skill and subtle observation. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Hi DW,

I thoroughly enjoyed your opening chapter. It`s a sweet story full of teenage angst and unrequited love. You`re a good writer, your dialogue is smooth and you`ve set the scene perfectly. Backed with absolute pleasure.

Good luck,
Cerys (Gabriel)

One lovely romantic story about teenage love. Enjoyed the read. Backed.

DW,
River dream is a great story on the essence and complexities of teenage love. A very good old fashioned love story, Your characterizations are strong and I am rooting for Michael and Rhiannon. T he dialogue is good and witty in places.
A very well written story of young love. Good Luck
Njoy *moods and expressions*

This is a hard market to write for but you get it spot on. Backed.

Karen
The Kid: A True Story of Cocaine, Corruption, Deceit and Betrayal

You have captured the perfect voice for your target readers, pitched just as it should be. A sweet story where there is much to be gained and lost.
Clearly you know how to tell a good story and write it accordingly. I hope this does well for you. Backed. Margaret.

Although this is well written and appeals to the chic kids, it's not my cup of tea. You have a flowing and beautiful story with just the right touch of anxiety and suspense. The pitch could use a touch up, using questions to describe your book...dunno, doesn't work for me.

all the best
backed
Fate's Chastening

I enjoyed this sweet tale of romance and young adult discovery set in the 1970's. I wonder what will happen to Mike and Rhiannon in later chapters... Well done and backed.

Amy
Love Match

Backed because of the well written prose and interesting storyline. A suggestion is to anchor the place (country) to complete the setting. Good luck. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Your highly descriptive writing style coupled with your use of the first person narrative, which I really like by the way, ensures that your finely crafted story will have great appeal with the YA audience. Your work is well paced and well written. Your use of imagery is excellent and your character development is good. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

River Dream has a lovely, summery, youthful vibe.. I think you've captured the teen mind very well.... the compelling twist is whether or not Rhiannon will indeed realise how great Mike is.. I can see this appealing to the YA market and wish you all the best on your climb up the charts!
Diane
Good Blood

I like this. The tension between Michael and Rhiannon is archetypal--it was impossible not to wonder where the tension would lead.
Backed.
Tom Kepler
The Stone Dragon

18 May 2010

River Dream is a wonderfully evocative title for this type of story eliciting connotations of Moon River for me. The plot of will they, won't they, do they is skilfully developed moving forward with no unnecessary deviations. The narration is direct, upbeat and scores in readability. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Good beginning but the first paragraph could be tightened up. Beginnings are real important to me. For example-First sentence- the rain could drown out the sound of the bells. I could taste it is a bit cliche you can come up with something better. No one fishing and we pretty much had the pier to ourselves says the same thing?
I like the way you unfold the story through dialogue.
Keep using that talent of yours,
A Zoomer
Going Out in style

DW, what a wonderful story-- I loved your writing style and your intelligent descriptions. The pitch is perfect for this awesome story
I loved it. Best wishes
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

"You know you are my best friend. I want it to stay that way." Uh-huh. Reminds me of the old Grateful Dead line: "She told me goodbye, how was I to know, she didn't mean goodbye, she meant please don't let me go." Nicely done. I'll read more when I get a little more time. Backed for now.

Hello, this is a copy and paste comment as I am extremely busy during May and June with my Creative Writing edits and have no time to take notes and comment in depth in my usual way.

I have read a chapter of your book and am backing it because I love it - like it or can see potential.

In the spirit of the site, if this is a return read, thank you for your backing, it is much appreciated. If not, I ask that you might find time to take a look at my book, An Unbreakable Bond. There is no need to comment, unless you feel you must, but I would be grateful for a backing if it falls into any of the above categories for you.

May I also recommend: Impeding Justice, by Melcom

It is a fast paced thriller and is hot footing it to the eds desk. Let’s help this hard working, dedicated site member to achieve this. Thank you, my every good wish for success with your work, Love Mary.

PS: Do forgive me for having to do this, I will be back in force in July and if you particularly want an indepth comment, email me at mary.wood18@yahoo.co.uk and I will do my best to oblige.

A GOOD READ AND WELL AIMED AT YOUR TARGET READERS. LOVE MARY

River Dream
DW Davis

Good YA stuff. Teenaged females and young female adults would surely become embroiled in this kind of story, where against the odds now, Rhiannon must take positive action to control her life - and the love of her life. Powerful drama here, believable characters and I enjoyed what I read so far. Happy to have given this a spin on my shelf.

What a moving story. You write really well.Backed.