Writing Home

A beam of sunshine in the dark of the world.
V

This is a book to love and savour. There's so much sadness and so much happiness, and you move from one to the other so smoothly. Stephen is an exceptional child, or so his brother Josh, his parents, and his teacher think. We, also, are prepared to think so when we first meet him as a six year old. Then, as the pitch tells us, life batters him, and no-one thinks him exceptional any more. The marvellous arrival of Stephen at Mr. Fitzpatrick's suddenly picks the book up from the depths of misery to the heights of happiness, and you manage to do this in a perfectly believable way, making your characters, both adult and children realistic and individual. Stephen's dream of the previous night was such a dreadful contrast, but now it can be forgotten (By the way, it took me a while to realise it was a dream. Perhaps I was just being stupid, but I wondered if you might insert a word or two to make this clearer?) Your writing style is perfect for your material, flowing and easy, but with some excellent description. I'm looking forward to reading more. This has all the signs of being a children's classic, and all the right ingredients. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Writing Home

Hi CI,

This is quite excellent, you write about awful events and character warping distress in a realistic and unsentimental way. It begins charmingly, we see his big brother idol worship and we begin to understand immediately the enormity of the loss that is about to strike him and this is the brilliance of your set-up, there is an emotional architecture to your book that is so carefully constructed. We are rooting for him from the off, we want it to be okay, we know it will be bleak, it will be difficult and it will be stressful, we know he will feel variously suicidal, depressed and wretched, but we hold out hope and it is the hope that compels as to read on. A simple, beautifully crafted story, so very well done. I am supporting this book and it will go far.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Backing it and wanting to return for more. This story is a fragile glass ornament, designed to be treasured. You have the gift :)

Hi,

I backed your book a while back - I think it's great! I have just uploaded my first story onto the site and would be hugely grateful if you'd be willing to comment/watch/advise etc.

thanks and good luck
Tree

Still love the sound of your book. Can't wait to read it. I've put it back on my shelf. Not quite sure how all this works yet, but can't hurt. Kate (Jenny's Rain)

This is an emotional story. Stephen is a sympathetic character because of his background. You've created an interesting, ominous tone to the story almost from the beginning that alerts a reader his adjustment to his new home is only the calm before the storm. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

CI, your prologue and first chapter are an easy read.

Happy to back the potential of your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Having raised three foster children plus three of my own- I can so relate to this touching story! This is poignant an dcharming. Also well-written and polished. I would buy this without hesitating so I am BACKING with hesitation!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Writing Home

C.I.,

This is a unique portrait of heartrending loneliness and the need to belong and yet it has the strength to be supported by a brave sense of humour. There is nothing mawkish about Stephen's pain. It's realistically conveyed and its telling brings to me a wholly new perception of what it is to be 'bounced' between foster homes.
From the admiration of his brother to the moment of his loss there is a huge build of emotional tension and a fear of the inevitable hurt that will be caused by loss, from the perspective of a person so young.
I was very moved by your book and, if there is anything to critique in editorial terms - and nothing jumped out at me - then this would vanish into insignificance beneath a really powerful story and a most memorable main character. Backed, with pleasure.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

I love this book, truly. Why oh why does it have a red arrow? Shelved.

First, I like your story telling voice. Second, I like the story you've told. Third, I laughed tears in my eyes when I read chapter 24 - the humour rubbed my funny bone in just the right way. Shelved for all the enjoyment I've gotten out of this story.

This is simply lovely. Poor little Stephen, who's endured more sorrow by the age of six than many adults have, and who's then been passed around like an unwanted and increasingly battered piece of furniture. He's learned to be silent, and to close himself off emotionally. My heart ached for him.

And then you plant Stephen (and us!) in the midst of lush, lovely surroundings and a wealth of love, laughter, excitement, energy, and of *life* in all its abundance. No wonder it's overwhelming for Stephen, and tear-jerking for me.

A delight to read.

Shelved.

Good job, CI. Pitch is complete and the story is intriguing. Competent writing and good story development. On my shelf.

Chapter 1 is pretty strong proof that you can write and you can make my eyes brim. So I'd better back it and stop before I embarrass myself more.

BACKED

I get very little from comments about my own book, nowadays. Some people like it, some don't. Some people are too frightened to leave genuine feedback, while others seek to enforce their own style upon me. I want to get to the Ed's Desk to get professional comment. I would rather spend 30 quid than do all this reading and backing. I have got everything I want out of Authonomy community already. So I am backing your book so that you can reach the Ed's desk and get professional feedback, instead of the platitudes and devious backings that account for 80% of backing you receive. Only 20% of comments are genuine, and will add value to your work.

Now, who am I not to back you? I am not godlike. Your work might be flatly written, unoriginal or even down right bad. It could be wonderful. But in my experience, only you can be honest with yourself about your writing... and that is what matters.

So, I am backing you so you can reach the Ed's desk.

There you are.

BACKED

Hope you reciprocate.

If you end up leaving a comment that adds value to Dream Diamond, I will return to your book and give it a thorough read and comment.

What a wonderful story. We all should pause and think about the Stephens in our communities, and how we can help better their lives. I hope that this gets published. I would absolutely buy it!

Backed.

HJ
The Pearl Edda

well i read this a couple of weeks ago and forgot to comment i think i might've read to chapter 5? something like that anyways - first i'd like to say that it is so refreshing to see YA fiction that isnt fantasy - i'm a teenager and i'm weighed down by all the twilight-esqe stuff thats blowing around so well done on being original! what i liked about this is how we know how bad Stephens had it so are happy to see him somewhere that seems so nice. though i am suspicious of mr in-charge-dude [sorry i inconviently forgot to put up the story up as i wrote this comment] and i was also annoyed when i thought the dream was real. i'm going to read on because i want to see your pitch become real.

its on my watchlist as it was on my shelf for ages but will hopefully go back on there soon
kind regards
McKenna
[Blackened Spoons and Rusty Needles]

Hi C.I.
Such a touching story, so full of emotion. Sweet and sad, it really reaches straight to the heart.
Backed,
Tracy
The Guardians

Dear CI DeMann,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I skipped to chapter seven to cover less-traveled ground and was rewarded by a kid wise enough to be bored by TV. I’m glad to see Stephen is included in basketball, even with his marginal skills, and he’s clearly unused to parents who care enough to do the little things like make pastrami and cheese sandwiches and scrub behind his ears before dinner. The double-household is full of love and life, and I’m eager to see how this will effect Stephen for the good. You create sympathy for Stephen by having him being physically unimpressive. I see the tension as Stephen hoping he can stay and fearing he’ll be forced to leave this house, like he left all the others.

I can tell you enjoyed yourself writing this. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

My God CI, I think I have almost cried three times and I am only two chapters in. You write so well and the story is full of emotion. When Stephen and his brother are talking and his brother is reading his story I could feel tears welling up, Josh clearly loved his brother and Stephen adored him. Then the fire and the way Josh rescued him and then went back in for his parents, again tears. "it was the last time Stephen ever saw his brother" that line said it all. The next chapter is so sad, Mrs Gray is a lovely character and I can almost hear her pleading, the dialogue is excellent. Poor Stephen thinks he doesnt matter, I can't imagine what that is like but you paint a very realistic picture. This book should be higher up the charts. I loved it (genuinely) on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Writing Home has a good pitch that interested me - an unusual proposition and I was fascinated to see how you could end up with a comedy from a messed up foster child at the beginning. It only took a few sentences to see that I would like Stephen, and the interaction between him and Josh in C1 pulls at the heartstrings with some fine writing. Then the fire, and a brilliant closing line leaves me no choice but to read on. C2 also seemed sad [though powerful], and I didn't have time to read more, so I hope the comedy will emerge later if that is your intent. This is extremely well written by a natural story-teller, with a style and idiom that hits your YA target group spot on. I'll be happy to back this.

This is a good read - it's such a great topic to explore. I think it's perfect for the YA audience, with its sadder elements mixed with touches of humour. Stephen is a very well realised MC, I love him immediately. I have no nit-picks and see a really good story unfolding here. It felt like you really know what your talking about when it comes to kid's emotions. On my shelf and I hope to return.
Bests,
AP
(Matty McDuff)

Hi C.I.,

I got through Chapter Four of this story and Venusu is right to call it a beam of sunshine. It's clear that Stephen is a very bright kid, and an underachiever, due to his circumstances and one can see a bright future for him living on this farm with these good people.

I got bogged down in 4 with all the introductions. I don't think it's necessary to make a list of them like that. It's not a film, we can't see them and take in so many all at once. Better to set up scenes in which he interacts individually with one or two of them and start working out the dynamics of the relationships. Otherwise, I would say it's a fine story

Backed.
Tim Chambers

Hi,
This has all the hallmarks of a true feel-good story. The opening chapters are powerful drama and I got to the end of #4 where Stephen finds himself in the chaos of what looks like a happy ending. I suspect there will be a number of drama's along the way, because you have a natural gift for storytelling. - shelved.

I liked the way you did the dream, totally acceptable and very clever writing.

Good luck with this

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

CI,

So far I am quite impressed, having read only Chapters 1, 2, and 4 but if the rest is as good as this sample you have quite a sensitive, moving read here. Backed with pleasure.

DW (River Dream)

CI,

So far I am quite impressed, having read only Chapters 1, 2, and 4 but if the rest is as good as this sample you have quite a sensitive, moving read here. Backed with pleasure.

DW (River Dream)

CI,

So far I am quite impressed, having read only Chapters 1, 2, and 4 but if the rest is as good as this sample you have quite a sensitive, moving read here. Backed with pleasure.

DW (River Dream)

CI,

So far I am quite impressed, having read only Chapters 1, 2, and 4 but if the rest is as good as this sample you have quite a sensitive, moving read here. Backed with pleasure.

DW (River Dream)

CI,

So far I am quite impressed, having read only Chapters 1, 2, and 4 but if the rest is as good as this sample you have quite a sensitive, moving read here. Backed with pleasure.

DW (River Dream)

CI,

So far I am quite impressed, having read only Chapters 1, 2, and 4 but if the rest is as good as this sample you have quite a sensitive, moving read here. Backed with pleasure.

DW (River Dream)

CI,

So far I am quite impressed, having read only Chapters 1, 2, and 4 but if the rest is as good as this sample you have quite a sensitive, moving read here. Backed with pleasure.

DW (River Dream)

C I DeMann

I'm devestated....I wish I hadn't read the pitch.....When Stephen & Josh were chatting and Stephen was showing Josh his writing,,, I was thinking.....'Oh no.....Oh no' because I knew what was going to happen.......I think the pitch was a bit of a spoiler..... You built the tension well, but because I knew the outcome I didn't spend enough time appreciating it....

I think you need a bit of an edit.....I made some notes.....Words I didn't think you needed are in brackets.

he (had) pulled the covers up to his chin.
bright red (and) he pulled the covers....
pulled himself (up) close to Josh....

Now that I think of it, you use the word 'pulled' quite a bit....

Anyway, fantastic read.....I really enjoyed it....All but I wanted a different ending.......

Shelved with pleasure...

Writing Home:

C, I was ready to back this just from reading the pitch. Then the prologue in six-year-old Stephen's words. And then the story proper, showing the love between the two brothers. Then wham... That ending. Where's the tissues. :o(

Read three chapters and even though it's hard to take, I wished I had this book in my hands.

Will back this, of course.

cáit ~ Muckers ~

I decided to read your chapter 34 upload at random, and found the characters very charming -- shooting and pushups, feet that (heaven forbid) smell like salami. I have a ten year old, and I could definitely see him enjoying this. Nice work capturing the heart of your characters.

Hi C. I., The outset and first chapters reflect the trauma of Stephen's loss and aftermath with strong scenes and dialogue. With the confusing changes he's faced, the prose is crafted so that his story feels comprehensible. The swiftness of the fire scene nearly brought on my tears. I could feel Stephen digesting the emphases of Mrs. Gray's conversation. The absolute chaos of the people in the rural house from Stephen's POV demonstrated how much of a change the Fitzpatrick's were going to be. Leading up, you covered believable territory and the unnecessary trauma that foster care can include. And then successfully offering another possibility. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Beautifully-rendered story. I felt involved right away and found myself caring about Stephen from start. Backed with pelasure. Excellent YA.
MJ
The Dark Light of November

Hello - Just read your first couple of chapters and then hopped around a bit. What a sad first chapter poor little boy and poor family. Then I would happily have sacked the social worker and locked up the foster parents (except the dead one of course) and I did so want this poor little lad to find some happiness. You are clever to evoke such responses. Well done indeed.

I did find the phone conversation in the early chapters (the one with the social worker who I have now put out of work - well I do think she seemed to have screwed up a bit in fairness) that phone conversation could maybe benefit from a bit of a prune, but this is my very humble indeed opinion and please feel free to ignore me completely because this is good and I am backing it forthwith - Cheers _ Diane (3 things that might have happened)

This is heart breaking. The opening is great. How Stephen wrote that story about hsi brother. The emotion in Josh as he read it. You can feel the love in this family and then like that, it is all taken away. No more Josh.
This is raw emotion and I felt my heart fall at the last line of the first chapter.
The writing is good. You set this up nicely. Making the reader feel for the characters.
The sadness just mounts as this moves along. You have a talent for tweaking the emotions of your reader.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Hello CID, What a lovely story: sad, heart-breaking really, but beautifully written and described. The love Stephen had for his brother was so real and the hook at the end of Chapter 1, guaranteed that I would have to read more. My heart bled for Stephen as he was listening to Mrs. Gray trying to find someone who would give him a home. This was a really good way of bringing the story up to date. Will read more, but in the meantime, it is going on my SHELF for a while. Good luck with this.

Phyllis
A Passing Storm (Perhaps you would have a look at this for me please?)

This is a book to love and savour. There's so much sadness and so much happiness, and you move from one to the other so smoothly. Stephen is an exceptional child, or so his brother Josh, his parents, and his teacher think. We, also, are prepared to think so when we first meet him as a six year old. Then, as the pitch tells us, life batters him, and no-one thinks him exceptional any more. The marvellous arrival of Stephen at Mr. Fitzpatrick's suddenly picks the book up from the depths of misery to the heights of happiness, and you manage to do this in a perfectly believable way, making your characters, both adult and children realistic and individual. Stephen's dream of the previous night was such a dreadful contrast, but now it can be forgotten (By the way, it took me a while to realise it was a dream. Perhaps I was just being stupid, but I wondered if you might insert a word or two to make this clearer?) Your writing style is perfect for your material, flowing and easy, but with some excellent description. I'm looking forward to reading more. This has all the signs of being a children's classic, and all the right ingredients. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

This book has a wonderful start. I was drawn in immediately and can only imagine how well young readers will relate some aspects of their own lives to the loss and life adjustments in this story.

I wish you much success!!

Erika (Neil and Stan: Sanities Collide)

This is very nice beginning. I very quickly related to Stephan. I read a good bit of what you have downloaded. I will give my opinion (for all it is worth). I think this is a children's book rather than a YA. I think that you need to get in and within the first 10 chapters get Stephen into a crisis at the Fitzpatrick's home, a real crisis, work it through and then get to the end. This is a feel good story and it should be. It does start to meandor a bit and I could feel my interest start to fade. It is too strong a story at the beginning to allow this!

I hope I don't hurt your feelings--I really really like the story and just want to see you pull it together in a strong way.
Backed this wonderful beginning.
Barbara
The Sea Pillow

C.I., you've created a very endearing character in Stephen - and you've effectively explained his traumatic existence for the last few years so we are rooting for him. Backed. CW (To Save the Sun)

Hi CI

Writing Home is an addictive and enjoyable read. The ending of CH one is awsome.
My comments are in the spirit doing a great story honour. Your work a fine line between tragedy and comedy, although there's a touch too many 'I love you', in the first section, and the second chapter, which is very effective, would hit home even more without the words in italics. Mind you, that's my relative sensibility.
I'm not sure that the dream in CH 3 works, I found it a bit confusing. Most of all Stephen's story is tremendously engaging, and I wish it the best success.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

A beam of sunshine in the dark of the world.
V

All I can add here are 3 words: should be in print. (Wait - that's 4 words.) Backed. Gripping, heartbreaking, funny - all that, AND written with nuance and polish. Backed!

Andrea
(Last Days of the Transitional Objects Institute)

This manages to be moving and funny - humour and pathos are such great a great mixture in the hands of a skilful writer. You write with such insight into the lives of your characters. I've really enjoyed this and am delighted to back it.
Jared.

An emotional story that pulls at the heart strings. A good structure and plot and the relationship between Stephen and Josh in the first chapter is wonderfully described. The story builds and the reader is hooked, a nice cover and good pitch.

Backed with pleasure.

ww Lisa

A Fine Line

This story is really touching my heart. I was a foster mother for 13 years and remember very vividly how scared and confused each of the children were when they first came to our home. But all 69 of the kids we had either returned to their homes after a period of time, were adopted, or, as four of them did, grew up and left when they were out of school. Those four are still considered part of our family and I now have foster grandchildren.
You write so well about Stephen's feelings of resignation and giving up on believing he will ever deserve a family. Finishing chapter 3 I know I want to read more. Very good job and I'm backing with pleasure.
Karen

Excellent first chapter. Going to read on! Backing.

Check out Curse of the Golden Fly when you get a moment.

Camille

The cover is pretty, the title clever and the pitch one big hook, I started to read and was instantly mesmorized, brilliant, warm, charming writing that really sets the scene and really sets the reader up for what a tragedy for Stephen it will be losing his entire family. Excellent writing, nice flow, very readable. Backed with great pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Hello C.I
Just thought I'd pop by to say how much I enjoyed your story. I don't have much time for in depth comments right now, but I loved the relationship with Josh and Stephen and would be happy to read on. Your Pitch drew me to this. Great stuff.
Best wishes
Sue
A Boy Called George