The Poison of a Smile

Steve;

This is enthralling work. Your prose is rich in imagery, almost poetic in parts, without ever being "flowery."

And yet, to me, it reads like a mystery novel. Even as some questions are answered, more spring up. Back story is revealed slowly, and as I read I find my mind working furiously to connect the dots. Brilliant!

I had the chill feeling of impending doom from the first paragraphs. As the story unfolded, I became increasingly horrified, and yet you refrained from using graphic gore to bludgeon me. Instead, you craft the tension, skillfully applying character, atmosphere, and plot as colors in your dark palette.

The sudden shift in the narrators perspective is nothing short of astounding. I have never seen that before. One of the things I love about this site is that authors like yourself are not afraid to experiment with something new. What happens to Helena, affects the narrative in a completely unexpected way.

I delight in the unexpected.

Steve, This is by far the most interesting thing I have read on Authonomy, and the first horror story that I can truthfully say that I have enjoyed.

Bob

First of all, incredible job with the book cover and trailer - both had me running to take a look at the book (and part of me wanting to run in the other direction)! Secondly, and I say this with sincerity, this is quite possibly the most incredible piece of literature I have had the pleasure to read on authonomy. It is a work of genius, I am simultaneously flabbergasted and inspired. Richly atmospheric, it crawled under my skin straight away and removed me quite abruptly from my comfort zone. You put us all to shame! It's haunting, compelling.... I want to read on though I'm afraid to. I don't feel I can add any more as you must surely know by now that you have created something truly unique - a classic in its own right. Brilliant! Instantly backed!

I remember when I read Peter Straub’s “Ghost Story," I was afraid of the story but there was no resisting it. I knew it was fiction, black and white words in a book I could shelve at will. Still, “M” haunted my dreams. Your Alatiel is a character like that. She is an apparition without life in her... a ghast so without presence of self that she becomes a glass mirror. Your pen is tipped in cruelty capturing the muse. It scrawls the word terror, which is not implied here, it is venerated.

(Backed, and if she shows up in my dreams tonight, it was my own damn fault.)
SueAnn Jackson Land
The Truth About Whales

Very well written. Great voice and Helena really comes alive (I'd never been struck by its heartlessness until that day). I will read the rest of it, but reading on line is such a pain.
Good luck with it, it deserves a spot on the desk.

Elegantly gothic and classicly mysterious.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

Definitely gripping. Very well done.
backed

odeb-GHOSTWOMAN

Exciting and interesting. A great read. Backed with pleasure. I hope you check out The Temple Dancer. Eunice

Hello, I'm new to Authonomy! Please check out my book, Not Alone, and let me know what you think. If it's worth publishing please back it. Thanks for your support!

The Poison of a Smile,

Perfection, Steven Jensen, everything including the title, cover, author's image, and, of course, your very chilling prose.

Backed and best.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Well, this is just incredible. I have not read too many things to the third chapter yet but I could not stop reading this. You paint a picture of such growing menace it really chills the reader. I cannot wait to read the rest.
Thank you for such a great book. You write so beautifully it is like painting only with words.

A chilling idea with a clever first chapter. You write in a smooth, effortless manner. Backed.

Chase

Steve,

You have alot of characters and you handle them well. Applause, that is difficult.
The characterization I can't say enough about as they are well thought and distictive. Emotion invoking description is perfect. Daniele's character really has me intrigued, through the child birth and the candle fire I am perplexed by the character.
Great Job!
Backed!
Good Luck!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Steve,
I wanted to convey my admiration for the masterly use of cold detachment you bring to this written canvas.
First your title drew me in, then the clever anecdotes and remembrances from novels we tried to read, but that all too often left the likes of me behind, all except maybe Orlando, which I love.
You write with authority, you lock the reader in a paneled room filled with brocades and period armoires, lending them an inclination to soak up the lavishness. Then you unleash your darkly intriguing characters who beguile and unsettle at the same time.
You succeed in seeing through a glass darkly.
[Titus]

Your title aroused my attention. Your plot, style, and flow pulled me in. I will keep a close eye on this work. Very moving and contains vast potential. Hopefully you will make it to the editor's desk soon. Best wishes. CG

The pitch alone promises so much and is GENUINELY chilling and it takes a lot to unnerve me. This is supernatural at its best with classic elements that have been expanded on, like the haunted house becomes a haunted town, mysterious figure that awaits ordinary humans like a spider for a fly and a creature beyond our darkest nightmares whose greatest weapon against us is our own memories and emotions. Very visual, throughout the story you are waiting for something to happen, like something out of the corner of your eye that you wonder if you've imagined.or not. Like this a lot and can see why this has done so well.

Are the main characters inspired by the Romantics? I felt that, and then you mentioned Ophelia and from that moment I could picture the setting. I really like the unfolding horror and the murkiness - it's almost like trying to decipher an image through fog until gradually, and horrifically, it is revealed. nice work. Myffy

All the components of a great book in our opinion ...haunted town, evil reminiscent, and mystical entrancement. What really caught our attention in your pitch was...not a ghost, not a vampire...Well what the heck is she? We decide to place The Poison of a Smile on our watchlist so we could read to clear up the mystery. You might be interested in our paranormal thriller, Dark Side. It is about vampires. We welcome constructive criticism.
CC Brown

Steve,
have read all 9.
The Poison of a Smile -
i found it intriguing and teasing. Style wise i think i is spot on very victorian fiction and fin de siecle. Gross and absorbing at the same time. Very rich in description and period.
your second offering in Chap 9 am not sure what to make of did you just add it to make up the word count?
it seemed rushed that was why I am asking
:)
Diane

I liked your pitch and I think your book will appeal to all horror fans therefor I backed your book - perhaps you could have a look at my books - than you and good luck !

The style and voice are reminiscent of the nineteenth century! There is a darkness lurking in the background which makes this quite compelling...looking forward to reading further
Good luck
Stewart

I try to read like a publisher: a book has to grab me from the first page to keep me going. This does the trick.

Hi Steve

Okay, have read chapter 2 and your writing, as always, is twistedly stunning.

I still love the way you describe how he paints her, especially 'laid her to rest in a Capulet tomb'.

'She only considered him as prey.' This would have better impact if the following line started a new para.

Their lovemaking was creepy beyond belief!

When he finds Alatiel in 'apparent agony', I might lose 'apparent'.

The rest is fantastic in its sheer horror. I love Alatiel's amber eyes, but you do have them in 2 consecutive paras, so maybe change one.

The 'study traced in ashes', is an eerie ending to a great chapter.

This would be such a great stage play. Woman in Black eat your heart out.

Hi Steve, a fantastic book and very well written.Excellent descriptive scenes which you've put together well.
I back your book. SHELVED.

regards'

Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest)

Your descriptions are awe inspiring. This book kept me glued, very well written.
~Zero, No Title Needed

This first chapter is told from three different perspectives, all strong voices. And yet, the original perspective remains, that of an unknown intruder, reading a journal. That was cleverly crafted. There is a lot of mystery here. Who are any of these people? Who is the one that found her body, who is the first writer of the journal, and if she is so weak as to be completely taken over, why did the second writer let her have her say.... all of these hints are fascinating. Thanks for the read and good luck!

V atmospheric - really draws you in

Reminds me of Jane Austen, is a beautifully written novel. Poetic in its delivery, and skillfully put together. Dont tell me this is your first novel? no cannot be? I am enjoying the read. I am finding the flow easy and even though my comments are rarely anything to do with grammar, it is skillful. Would I buy the book off the shelf, YES. i would, up to chapter 3. and by all means BACKED. if you get the chance I would welcome an honest read of some of my work, non-fiction, as I do need some honest comments. thank you Steven and the BEST of luck

Steven, this is a fine piece of writing that deserves to make it , backed all the best john Warren, lasting Images, Please review, jdub

Steve, I'm finding this an awe-inspiring work. An obsession of too many men, painted into being just as, perhaps, the monster is given life and destroys its master. But what an extraordinary monster we have here - never seen before in the written word. Obsession with a painting, yes, but this? You also have envisaged the times, the *salon* set regarded and indulged as all bohemian artists, writers and musicians were the lifeblood of society, and worshipped in awe by the masses. Their morals knew no bounds... as you have so lyrically portrayed them.

I have found one nit to pick... and I'm reluctant to even mention it, but I must before this is [inevitably] pubished, and I could well be wrong. So -

In ch.1... 2nd para: I took it that it was the faces in the portrait following him? So I wondered if you might need another *object* after the ticking clock, with an 'and' for the portrait... (Apart from that, a blood-chilling opening if ever there was one.)

The contrast from that spine-tingler to the group meeting Alatiel is pretty wonderful. The characters vividly drawn and in such a short space of time we see and feel for each one, as each one disintegrates before our eyes. We could say 'serves them right' for using girls this way, as it's a shocking thing to behold, what men such as these did as a matter of course. But we don't, as you've drawn them in a sympathetic way, because it was such a matter of course. And then we have poor Helena, the only one who feels for such creatures, the waifs and strays drawn into this world. Perhaps she will not leave us forever...

One other thing - In ch.3, there is a stand-out sentence: "For one moment, an insane thought reared, spectrelike and uncanny, before my mind: had Christian Salazar somehow painted Alatiel into existence? She was unfinished, incomplete". I feel this needs its own separate paragraph!! (i.e., it's a bit buried where it is...)

And another thing... while I'm at it... the Pitch is brilliant, absolutely brilliant, but I truly feel you could incorporate the above line. Perhaps, too, something about this bohemian society - a bit of theatrical glamour to entice.

You have the gift of an artist, Steve.

From Kay xx ("Annacara")

Very, very good writing. The pacing is brilliant and the mix of dialogue and narrative is right on. This is the work of a very talented writer. Best of luck. Jayne

Steve, your short introduction is captivating in itself. will take her pleasure in your destruction...and it will be everything you always desired.' I don't usually read the back of books purely as feel each book has a new story to tell. I happened to read your books though and it set the scene well. It really is very well written. I effortlessly flowed from one chapter to the next and look forward to reading more. The gore and detail in the opening paragraph is alone to get the reader hooked. Backed with pleasure

Well written, Steven. It's on my shelf.
Regards,
R.L. Meredith--A Ten Cent Movie

Instantly transports us to a gothic, bohemian reality, dripping with dread. Like a modern Poe, or Bram Stoker. A good read for a dark and stormy night . . .
SC
(Viene La Tormenta)

The author invokes such poetic images in that intriguing, and hair raising, opening. I hope to come back and read more later. Meanwhile, will "back" with confidence (and ASAP), due to the expert style and confident writer's voice.

Loved it, backed with much pleasure. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles

grisly gothic gruesome good

Fabulous change of perspective at the end of Ch 2. Just when I thought I had the story figured out, you changed the game. Lyrical and shocking. Nicely worked.

Dear Steve --

Please allow me to share in the accolades of the other commenters here, as I echo their praise for the mood you've created, the world you've evoked, and the fluidly apt language you've used to create one of the most creepily compelling chracters that I have ever come across in Alatiel.

Reading The Poison of a Smile is like sinking into a dark, disturbing dream from which you nevertheless do not want to wake. Happy to back you, and thank you for your backing of The Long Black Veil. -- Delhui

Steve;

This is enthralling work. Your prose is rich in imagery, almost poetic in parts, without ever being "flowery."

And yet, to me, it reads like a mystery novel. Even as some questions are answered, more spring up. Back story is revealed slowly, and as I read I find my mind working furiously to connect the dots. Brilliant!

I had the chill feeling of impending doom from the first paragraphs. As the story unfolded, I became increasingly horrified, and yet you refrained from using graphic gore to bludgeon me. Instead, you craft the tension, skillfully applying character, atmosphere, and plot as colors in your dark palette.

The sudden shift in the narrators perspective is nothing short of astounding. I have never seen that before. One of the things I love about this site is that authors like yourself are not afraid to experiment with something new. What happens to Helena, affects the narrative in a completely unexpected way.

I delight in the unexpected.

Steve, This is by far the most interesting thing I have read on Authonomy, and the first horror story that I can truthfully say that I have enjoyed.

Bob

Ey there,

i struggled to start the read for some reason but thats just me. BUT the more i got into it the more i liked it. I love how you are so descriptive and that makes one see the picture so much better and you can actually put yourself in that specific spot.

I shall continue my read and let u know what i think

GreenH
through green's eyes

i am adding you to my watchlist to read,

xxx GreenH
through green's eyes

The atmosphere of Gothic mystery in the first 4 chapters, a feel of cobwebs, of dank and gloomy echoes, of Italy in the Borgia era transplanted to Victorian England, with over-elaborate Romantic pretensions on the part of the Artists, changes in ch 5 to something more reminiscent of Vlad Dracul. More overtly and deliberately cruel, violently destructive with the help of others instead of a solitary, driven, only partly conscious malevolence.

The Poison of a Smile impresses immediately with its haunting atmosphere and one is easily drawn into the story. The artist Daniele's strange relationship with the mysterious Alatiel, and its terrible conclusion, fill the reader with a real sense of dread. What Alatiel actually is seems open to debate. The notion she may have been painted into existence is an intriguing one. Her occupation of the narrator's body at the of chap 3 is a fantastic hook. Remarkable all round
John O'Brien - Other Face

Your fabulous title grabbed me! I am looking forward to reading your work even though it is not what I would usually read!

Rick
In the Roundest of Places

As someone has already mentioned, this is very "Poe-esque." Creepy and horrifying, and very well done.
Backed with pleasure.

John Pearson
Learn Me Good

Exquisitely written, backed with pleasure.
Abigail Parish

First of all, incredible job with the book cover and trailer - both had me running to take a look at the book (and part of me wanting to run in the other direction)! Secondly, and I say this with sincerity, this is quite possibly the most incredible piece of literature I have had the pleasure to read on authonomy. It is a work of genius, I am simultaneously flabbergasted and inspired. Richly atmospheric, it crawled under my skin straight away and removed me quite abruptly from my comfort zone. You put us all to shame! It's haunting, compelling.... I want to read on though I'm afraid to. I don't feel I can add any more as you must surely know by now that you have created something truly unique - a classic in its own right. Brilliant! Instantly backed!

I remember when I read Peter Straub’s “Ghost Story," I was afraid of the story but there was no resisting it. I knew it was fiction, black and white words in a book I could shelve at will. Still, “M” haunted my dreams. Your Alatiel is a character like that. She is an apparition without life in her... a ghast so without presence of self that she becomes a glass mirror. Your pen is tipped in cruelty capturing the muse. It scrawls the word terror, which is not implied here, it is venerated.

(Backed, and if she shows up in my dreams tonight, it was my own damn fault.)
SueAnn Jackson Land
The Truth About Whales

I think you have just interfered with my sleep later tonight, with your creepy Alatiel. Your descriptions of her are riveting and revolting at once, as a sibling to Alice (and thereby invoking Alice's surreal adventures), muse to Daniele; she of the doll hands and sickly complexion. This book is nothing if not moody; you reel the reader into another type of existence, really. At times poetic and mystical, with shocking events and images (the tongue swaddled as a child). Really, I just consumed this. I never, at any time, was 100% sure what was going on but it was more like images coalescing, like dream imagery I guess. I just know I'd be willing to follow it to the end. Brilliant work.
---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Chapter - 5

I thought at first this was just an old man painting and then wanting a different scene when he ordered her to undertake sax with the young man. His panic when her clothes were missing made me wonder. Her failure to escape made me hold my breath and as I read the real plans for her I felt sorry for her. This is well written and thought out. Happy to back.

Anthony
Aqua Omega

Steven, what an excellent cover you have - compelling and eye catching. Your title is also unique and well crafted. For some reason this reminds me of Poe. Very well written - nice job! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Backed
Splinker
B.D.S.T.

Well written. Backed with confidence and best wishes.
D.E. LaRiviere (AKA Milo Saint) Six of One